Money Saving Mom®

How did you have margin in your life when Jesse was in law school and you NEEDED to work a lot? I’m in that place, and while it won’t last for ever (another 2 years or so), I’m wondering how to add margin when I have to work the amount I do and I’m also homeschooling my kids. Thanks! -Melissa

Truthfully, Melissa, I didn’t do a good job of having margin. And I really regret it now. Working too much during the law school years and then during the first few years after law school were what landed me in the pit of despair that I write about in my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode.

I stayed home a lot — mostly because we only had one car for much of the time and Jesse used it to go to work and school every day. So that helped. But I also feel like, in some ways, it contributed to my eventual burn out. Because I was home so much, we lived in such a small apartment, I didn’t have many friends, and I only had one child, so I filled up the time and loneliness with lots and lots of work.

I don’t regret all of the things I learned during those years as much of the trial and error laid the foundation for MoneySavingMom.com. But I do regret not taking enough time to breathe and slow down.

After my husband graduated and started working full-time, I continued to work really, really hard because I’d become so accustomed to it and we also had financial goals that we were trying hard to hit. We didn’t have much of a cushion financially, so I was hoping to help build that up.

Then, we had our second child and my husband lost his job. As a result, I went into full gear mode just to keep us afloat. There are seasons when you have to just power through, but the problem was, once he found a steady job again, I continued to push hard and fast.

I think that once you’ve experienced so many years of barely making it and you see the potential to actually start to get ahead, it’s hard not to just go for it. So I did… with guns blazing. And then I paid for it dearly, as I chronicle in my book.

I tell you all this, just to let you know that I didn’t do things the right way and I wouldn’t recommend going about things the way I did. I wish that I could go back and re-do some of those years. But I can either live in regret or let my mistakes serve as lessons to propel change for how I live my life right now.

With this in mind, here’s some advice I’d give to you in your situation (based upon the mistakes I made):

1. Cut Out All Non-Essentials

If you’re in a very busy season of life, strip down to the bare basics. Now is not the time for scrapbooking, enrolling in extra classes, or tackling the attic organization. Say no to everything that’s not essential in order to free up breathing room in your schedule.

Focus on the most important priorities — things like keeping your family fed, making sure they have clean clothes, and making sure that your health, your marriage, and your children are the priorities. There are different seasons of life and there will be plenty of other seasons when you can add in other things. But right now, you have enough on your plate, so guiltlessly say no to anything extra.

2. Get Up Early

Every family (and mom!) is different, but I encourage you to give getting up early a try. I’ve found that the early morning hours — especially anytime before 7 a.m. — is prime time to get blogging and business work done.

Why? Well not only am I really fresh and energetic since it’s the beginning of the day, but there are very few distractions and interruptions since most people aren’t online yet and the rest of my family is asleep!

Note: If you want to start getting up early, but you really struggle with following through, you might find my 30-Day Early to Rise series a helpful starting place.

3. Hire (or Barter for) Help

It’s hard for frugal people to hire help. I totally get it. But if you can swing it in your budget, buying yourself a little breathing room can be priceless.

Think about what areas in your life you are struggling with most — is it administrative tasks for your business, house cleaning, food preparation, or something else — and talk to your spouse about possible solutions. It might mean cutting back more, hiring a virtual assistant for a few hours each week, hiring a babysitter for a few hours each week, or something else.

Figure out if there’s a way you can make it work and then guiltlessly move forward with your plan. It just might be the best $25 or so you spend each week!

If you don’t have any wiggle room in your budget, consider if there’s a way you could barter for the help you need — swapping babysitting with a mom one afternoon per week, swapping a few business projects for helping someone learn a marketable skill, or something else. Think outside the box and ask your spouse and close friends if they have any ideas of solutions, too.

4. Plan a Once a Week Coffee Shop Date

When I had my second child, one of the best things we ever implemented was my once-a-week mornings at the coffee shop. At first, it was really hard for me to leave the girls with Jesse because I’d basically never left them, ever, since they’d been born.

But after the first few weeks, I realized just what a difference it made in our home and family. It gave me time to plan the week ahead. I came home re-energized and refreshed for the week ahead. And Jesse got to have a special morning with the girls.

If this seems like something that might work for your family and schedule, talk to your spouse and see if there’s a way you could experiment with something similar. Maybe it’s not every weekend, but every other weekend, or one evening a month.

5. Give Yourself Grace

I know I say this often, but it bears repeating: give yourself grace. You are in a hard season of life. If your house is messier or you feel behind, don’t beat yourself up. Just do the best you can do with the time and energy you have, ask for help (if possible), delegate (if possible)  — and let the rest go!

What advice and suggestions do you have for Melissa?

Want some practical help with setting up your day for success? It all starts the night before! Be sure to grab a copy of my brand-new online course, Make Over Your Evenings.

This 14-day online course includes videos, a workbook, and step-by-step projects and is designed to help you maximize your evenings in order to experience more success in your life, more order in your home, and more joy in your soul.

It’s time to stop sleep-walking through life and wake up to the amazing excitement and fulfillment that comes when you follow my simple plan to Make Over Your Evenings.

Find out more about it here.

Life is full of opportunities and choices. And as I talk about in my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, if you want to have margin and breathing room in your life and not feel constantly exhausted and overwhelmed, you’ve got to learn to say no.

This doesn’t mean that you say no to everything and everyone all the time, but that you carefully evaluate each opportunity in light of your long-term priorities and goals and your current responsibilities — and say “no” when something is not a good fit.

That all sounds great to most people, but the feedback I’ve been hearing a lot is, “I want to pare down my responsibilities and commitments. I want to stop rushing through life and feeling pulled in so many different directions. But how do I start saying no without ruining relationships?”

Here are some suggestions:

1. Be Gracious

When saying no, always be very gracious in how you say it. If you come across as uncaring and rude, you’re bound to hurt the other person. Express gratitude that they would ask you and then explain that this isn’t going to work because of X but that you are so honored they would ask.

Example: Just this past week, some friends asked if we could get together. While I would love to get together with them, as I looked at the calendar, I realized that the week was already quite full and that adding one more thing would probably be too much.

So I expressed how much I appreciated the invite and that I’d love to get together, but that this week was already full and adding another commitment to the week would probably be cause for stress. I then followed up with another possible date for us to get together in a few weeks.

2. Be Honest

I’ve found that it’s helpful to give a concise explanation when saying no to someone or something. This lets the person know that it’s not about them; it’s just that the opportunity is not a good fit for your current life season.

Don’t over-explain, but a simple two or three sentence reason will help the person who asks to know where you’re coming from and why you’re saying no at this time.

Example: An online acquaintance asked me to endorse her soon-to-be-released book. As I have time, I am honored to occasionally endorse books that are coming out. Since I try to always read through books before giving an endorsement, this takes quite a bit of time on my part. As a result, I’ve learned to check my upcoming schedule before committing to read and endorse a book.

In this case, the deadline was too soon for me to be able to get the endorsement in with other responsibilities I’d already committed to. So I wrote back and told this person that while I’d love to endorse her book, the time frame didn’t work out for me right now.

3. Offer An Alternative

If you can’t say yes right now, consider if you can say yes in the future or offer an alternative. This is especially important for close friends and family members. You can’t say yes to them all the time, but you can look for ways to offer an alternative.

Example: In point number one above, I shared how I had told friends we couldn’t get together this week, but had proposed another week that would work. This is a great way to be able to say no without completely saying no — thus, finding a compromise that is a good fit for everyone!

Be Sure to Tie Up Loose Ends

If you are thinking of stepping down from a commitment, be sure to clearly communicate why you’re going the direction you are to those involved and then tie up the loose ends on your responsibilities and projects before pulling out completely. This way, you’re fulfilling your commitments and not leaving people high and dry. It might require more work in the short run, but it will probably mean that you don’t frustrate others and burn bridges in the process.

Important Note

If you follow all of these steps and the end result is that someone is angry and upset because you had to graciously bow out, it’s probably not a healthy relationship to begin with. In fact, I’d wager to say that you might be being used in the situation — and the person cares more about you as an asset than you as a person.

If they are angry that you are no longer going to be helping or participating instead of understanding that it’s not a good fit for you right now, it’s probably time that you step back or set boundaries in this relationship. You can’t make everyone happy all the time, but I encourage you to surround yourself with people care more about you than they care about what they can get from you.

What advice and tips do you have for saying no without ruining relationships?

 

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Ruth at Living Well, Spending Less shows us How to Create a Cleaning Schedule That Works For You. This post is full of practical tips and lots of free printables to help you get your house clean on a schedule that works for you.

Here’s a little of what she has to say:

“If the idea of creating any sort of cleaning schedule sounds overwhelming, try not to worry—I promise it is not as bad as it sounds. In fact, as you will see below, you can do it in three easy steps! The point of a schedule is not to make you feel guilty or to make you have more to do, but to actually relieve guilt and to create a routine that gives you more freedom and less stress. Knowing that you have a workable, manageable plan to tackle those sticky sinks and dusty dressers makes the idea of cleaning house seem a lot less overwhelming in the long run.

So bear with me. We can do this. I promise.”

Don’t forget, you can get a bunch of cleaning printables for free!

There’s a reason I don’t have a parenting blog. And there’s a reason I don’t give out parenting advice.

Why? Because most days, I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.

I see these moms who have all these specific systems and philosophies for their parenting and I wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m over here on my knees praying I don’t mess up my kids too badly.

I love my children beyond what words can express. But some days? I don’t do a very good job of showing that love.

Take last night, for instance. We’d had this wonderful weekend trip to Oklahoma City. We’d unplugged, laughed together, had great discussions, enjoyed fun experiences, and made beautiful memories.

And then we came home and, in the process of cleaning out the car, my patience disappeared. I got frustrated at the messes made and said words I regret to my family members.

My kids went to bed feeling hurt and I started to go to bed feeling like a failure. Why did I have to ruin a perfect weekend? Why can’t I be more patient? Why do I get so frustrated sometimes?

The thoughts started swirling around my brain and I began to beat myself up over failing, yet again.

But then I realized: the night’s not over with yet. I couldn’t take back the words I’d said or the attitude I’d had, but I could ask my family to forgive me.

So I went into my children’s room and sat by their beds. I confessed that I’d been wrong and asked their forgiveness for getting frustrated and saying words to them that I shouldn’t have said. They readily forgave me and expressed their love for me.

I walked out of their room feeling ten times lighter! Yes, I’d messed up. Yes, I’d made a mistake. But my kids still love me — in spite of my many imperfections.

I might not have any amazing parenting advice to dole out, but one thing I’ve learned through making many mistakes is this: being willing to ask forgiveness and admit when you are wrong is hard, but it’s one of the best things you can do for any relationship.

Read this post from Ann Voskamp on Why Your Kids Don’t Need a SuperMama.

We took a family trip to Oklahoma City this past weekend. Silas was so excited about the trip and had looked forward to it for quite awhile.

On the drive down, he kept exclaiming, “This is the BEST day of my life!”

Every time he said it, it made me smile. Not just because it makes me so happy to be able to bring so much thrill to my 4-year-old, but also because I love his enthusiasm for life.

I want to live each day with that kind of attitude. I want to wake up each morning thinking, “This is the BEST day of my life!” And then I want to go through the day living like that.

Because truly, today is the only day we can live right now, so we might as well choose to make it the best day of our lives. And then we can wake up tomorrow and think the same thing!

We’re excited to have Plant Therapy as one of our sponsors. We had the opportunity to interview them and get to know their company a little more recently:

Tell us about the history of Plant Therapy.

Plant Therapy was started about 5 years ago. Chris and Amanda Jones had recently been given the opportunity to buy a all natural body care company. Part of this company was a small line of essential oils. They decided that they wanted to do more research in the essential oil industry.

Quickly, they found that most essential oils were overpriced and not the quality that is needed for aromatherapy. That is when they decided to break the essential oils away from the all natural body care line and start Plant Therapy. They wanted to provide 100% pure, undiluted essential oils of the highest quality at a more affordable price.

What products does Plant Therapy offer?

Plant Therapy offers 100% pure, undiluted essential oils of the highest quality. They also offer synergies, carrier oils, and all essential oil accessories.

How does Plant Therapy help us save money?

Plant Therapy was founded with two goals in mind: to provide the highest quality essential oils at a price that everyone can afford and to provide the highest quality customer service. We know the benefits that can come from using essential oils. That is why we try to keep our essential oils and accessories at an affordable price so that more people can benefit from their uses.

Is Plant Therapy involved in any charity work?

Plant Therapy has donated up to 20% since the beginning to charities both locally and world wide. You can check out some of the charities going on right now here.

What would you most like your customers to know?

Plant Therapy cares about our customers. We sim to educate them on essential oils so that they can make the best educated decision for themselves and their family members.

We strive to have the best customer service possible. We also offer 100% customer satisfaction. If for any reason a customer is unsatisfied, we will simply refund their money or exchange the product.

Also, when our customers have any questions about our products or their uses, their email are answered within 24 hours 95% of the time. We work with one of the most well known essential oil experts in the industry. We are doing everything possible to provide the most information to our customers so they can get the most out of the essential oils they are using.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Plant Therapy offers free shipping in the United States. We also offer our first time customers a coupon code to get $5 off their first purchase of $10 or more. We know if you try Plant Therapy’s essential oils that you will know the quality we provide and that you will be a customer for life.

Interested in becoming a monthly sponsor or advertising with us? Find more details here.