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Q&A Tuesday: What do you write in your love notes to your husband?

Love Notes

I keep seeing you put on your goal list to write a love note to your hubby and am curious as to what you choose to write about? -Emily

Since this is one of the most-asked questions on my blog, I figured it was high time I answer it in a post. 🙂

Why Love Notes?

First off, some of you may wonder why I write love notes and am intentional about trying to do it every week. My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and the thing I’ve learned over the years is that a good marriage doesn’t just happen; it’s something you have to intentionally work at.

And you don’t just work at it a little bit and that tides you over for months. No, you keep investing in it day in, day out. It’s work. But it’s oh so worth it.

Writing love notes is just one of the little ways I seek to invest in our marriage on a regular basis. It’s simple, it doesn’t require much time, and it doesn’t cost anything, but my love notes often are a huge boost to my husband’s day. They let him know that I care, that I appreciate him, and that I’m thinking of him as I go throughout my day.

Love Notes

What Do You Write About?

The love notes I write to my husband are about all sorts of different things. There’s no set “right” way to write a love note. What matters is that Jesse feels loved when reading it.

Sometimes they are short and sweet. Sometimes, they are long and mushy. Depending upon what mood I’m in, they might be funny, serious, deep, or goofy.

Can You Give Me Some Examples?

Many women have written in to say that they’d love to write love notes to their husband, but they don’t know what to say. And they feel like they’d quickly run out of things to write.

The sky is the limit when it comes to love notes. Once you start thinking of ideas, I bet you’ll find they are a lot easier to come up with than you think.

Remember this: a love note doesn’t have to be long — and it doesn’t even have to be hand written! You can send a text, type up the note, write an email, or use a dry erase marker to write on your bathroom mirror.

Your method of writing it doesn’t matter as much as the fact that it comes from your heart.

Love Notes

To get you started, here are some suggestions to spark your creativity:

  • Thank him for something he’s done for you recently.
  • Praise a character quality.
  • Reminisce about some adventure you had together.
  • Write about something you’re looking forward to doing with him.
  • Express gratitude for the everyday things he does.
  • Flirt with him.
  • Write an acrostic for his name and come up with something you’re grateful for that starts with that letter.
  • Create a secret code and write your love note in that code for him to decipher.
  • Write a poem.
  • Share something you’ve been reading/learning about recently that would interest him.
  • Send him a text out of the blue to tell him you’re thinking of him.
  • Share with him what you prayed for him that morning.
  • For more ideas, check out this post on Creative & Cheap Ways to Say “I Love You”

When you begin to look for things to be grateful for, I guarantee you’ll see things you never noticed before! And your little notes of gratitude and love could mean more to him than you ever could have imagined.

Related: Four Ways to Celebrate Your Valentine — Any Day of the Year!

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47 Comments

  • Kim says:

    My husband often leaves me love notes written on our bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. Yesterday – a sweet message written in the snow on my windshield.

    I often put a love note in his lunch when I pack it.

    Our notes are generally short and sweet, but thoughtful and intentional.

    We have been married for 28 years and we know it still takes regular work to keep it strong and healthy.

  • Stephanie says:

    When I got a new cell phone number years ago my husband asked me to write the number down and put it in his lunch box for him. I decided to be funny and put lipstick on and kissed the note and wrote “call me ” on it with the new number. Well, my kids were cleaning out the car one day to be nice, and found the note in his console. They brought it to me very concerned haha. It was a little embarrassing (but much to their relief!) to learn that mommy wrote that. They still laugh about that years later!

  • Sarah says:

    In the 4 years that I’ve known my husband, I’ve written him close to a thousand letters/love notes (not including texts or messages written on the whiteboard) – mailing one or more a day for the 23 months that he was away in the military helped get that number up since it accounts for about 700 of them. The biggest thing that I suggest is to just start. It’s easier with more practice, and seeing how much it means to him is a fantastic incentive to keep it up. Speaking of which……I hear the bathroom mirror and some dry erase markers calling my name right now!

    • Pamela says:

      Oh, Sarah … you bring back so many memories …

      I have the sweetest love note from my husband written on the only piece of paper in camp. It was written on the back of the military tent assignment in the middle of winter in a foreign land. He wrote it while on guard duty in the middle of night using the butt of his rifle as a make shift table.

      I remember the days of writing my husband a letter every single day for over a year. The love letters that we wrote to each other are such a treasure.

  • Charity says:

    That seems like such a personal question. You are so kind to answer these type of questions and open up about so many areas of your life. I. Such an introvert and private person I couldn’t imagine doing that. People like me need to learn from people like you, I suppose. 😉

  • Elise says:

    This is really great! I’m pretty sure my husband’s love language is words of afirmation – it’s also the area I struggle with the most. I tell myself to write a low note – but then don’t know how. I’m afraid the issue – for me – may be pride as much as anything… If that makes sense?

    Your words are both convicting, and inspiring. 🙂

    • Rachel says:

      I know exactly what you mean!

    • Amy F;) says:

      My husband’s main love language is words of affirmation too, and I just started a few weeks ago, writing him a note once a week. It has been amazing to see how it builds him up and it only takes a little bit of time to write down things I really appreciate about him, but just don’t think to say to him. One time, my handwriting was too hard for him to read, lol, so I read it aloud to him and that seemed to be even more effective, but I felt kind of silly at the time;)

  • When I first started writing notes to my husband, I bought these: http://www.dayspring.com/mr_and_mrs_mr_love_notes_32_note_set/
    One of the best $5 I’ve ever spent! Was great to help me start out. I don’t do it weekly but maybe I should aim to 😉
    {and nope, not affiliated with Dayspring, just thought I would share it since it helped me to get started}

    • Jenny says:

      I bought a pack of daily love notes and I put them in my husband’s lunch a few times each month.

      I usually write something sweet “I miss you and can’t wait to see you again when you get home” or funny with a one liner or two from an inside joke we share. I want him to laugh aloud at work. Our inside jokes are an important part of a special connection we share that I don’t share with anyone else…like a best friend. I don’t know that it matters what you write, as long as it comes from your heart!

      If I leave them in the kitchen, he sometimes reciprocates ripping one out of the pack and sending one in my lunch too!
      Jenny

  • Jennifer says:

    Thank you for being so open with this private aspect of your marriage! My husband is going through a tough time right now, and though I try to encourage him often and in many different ways, it never hurts to add another tactic to the repertoire. 🙂 Thank you for sharing these ideas!

  • Amy R says:

    We’ve been married (happily) for 18 1/2 years…This is a regular occurrence in our home. We write with a dry erase marker on our stainless steel fridge. I also write love notes to my kids on their bathroom and bedroom mirrors. Length or content matters very little. The thought is what matters.

  • Michelle says:

    I’ve noticed your “love note” goal on your weekly posts. I’ve thought about it before, but could never really think of what I would write. Instead, I’ve decided to give my husband my heart (or sometimes just steal his). I try and make a treat for him regularly (a batch of cookies, a special dinner). Whatever it is, I make one of the things in the shape of a heart. That one is his. The kids love this.

    Sometimes if he’s eating a heart shaped chocolate or cookie at a function, I’ll go over and grab it from him. I tell him I’m stealing his heart. He doesn’t mind at all when I do this.

  • Mrs. R. says:

    Thank you so much for this post—it’s something I’ve been wanting to ask for a long time, too. I write love notes to my wonderful Husband and put them in his lunch, and give them to him at other times, too. And you’re right—they’re SO strengthening to a marriage!

  • Sarah says:

    Amen!

    Marriages are work, but so worth the investment. I have been married for 16 years and I love him more now then ever. A lot of times I simply send him a text while he is at work and say “love you”.

    Really great post.

  • Betsy says:

    I learned how important it was to write down my appreciation for my husband this year when I did a card and gift every month. The gifts were cute and clever and related to each month (volume 1 for January, 2 tickets for Feb, etc.) but what I realized that the cards were far more important and valuable to my husband.

    Every month, when I took the time to write down my thoughts, I was surprised by what new things I had to say based on our current life experiences. The way his face lit up every time he saw the card was worth it. I often found myself changing my own attitude towards him for the better, softening my heart and remembering why I chose him for my life companion. We now have all 12 cards lined up along our dresser!

    So, my advice for those who want to do something similar is to go out and purchase 12 greeting cards of all types, number them, and keep them somewhere hidden. Then, each month, take the time to write that sweet note and set it out where he will see it. 🙂 December is the perfect time to do this– be sure to pick up an anniversary card, birthday card and holiday card, too!

    • Ashley says:

      So, I’m going to be that terrible person who asks: What do you get in return?

      My husband and I have been married for only 4 years, (wow it’s been that long already!?) and with two kids it feels like we barely speak some days. I’m a social and outspoken person who would have no trouble identifying my feelings and writing a love note. But my husband is introverted, unromantic, and has never written me anything close to a love note. That said he is the most wonderful, caring husband and a fantastic provider for our family.

      I guess I’m wondering if I would be fulfilled in writing a love note knowing that I’m not going to get one back?

      • bmhpb3 says:

        It is far better to give than to receive. Blessing always come from giving – not always in the way we think or even hope, but it does come. You never know what wonderful things may happen because of just a few notes. Maybe it will spark a romantic part of him that you never knew was there 😉 It can’t hurt! Give it a try!

      • Amy R says:

        You’re not a “terrible person,” but your perspective is definitely off. If writing notes isn’t his thing, that’s fine. Look for the ways he does express his love and focus on those. Since notes would come easy for you, it would be a simple way for you to express love, support, appreciation, or encouragement. If you’re going to write the notes expecting something in return, and it’s going to upset you if the gesture is not reciprocated, then you’re better off not setting yourself up for disappointment.
        The key here is not necessarily the note itself as much as finding a way that you can regularly express how you feel and let your husband know he is loved.

      • Anne says:

        I really recommend you check out the Love Languages book by Gary Chapman at your library. If you start speaking your husband’s love language, there is a good chance he will start speaking yours out of appreciation. He addresses this in the book.

        Also, it helps me sometimes to remember that if marriage is our vocation, it isn’t a “I’ll scratch your back if scratch mine” proposition. I believe marriage helps us move away from our own selfishness and move closer to God.

        • Katie says:

          I totally agree with finding out your love languages. After my husband and I did this it really opened my eyes to the ways he feels loved!

      • Roxanne says:

        You are most definitely not a terrible person!

        My husband does not have a lick of romance in his body. When we were dating I would try to send him cards or leave him encouraging notes. He didn’t want to be rude, but he explained that to him it was like just another piece of junk mail. I learned quickly to stop wasting my time on unappreciated gestures.

        You’ll figure out the thing that makes your husband feel appreciated. It’s probably more of something you already do. But the things we do for those we love are not things we’ll get in return. The fulfillment comes from bringing joy to the life of the one you love. We all have different ways we need to be loved.

      • Amanda E says:

        I am just like you Ashley! And we experienced the same things in our marriage. I expected him to meet me with the same things that I gave him. I see now how wrong that attitude was. When I started reaching out to him and pouring into him, he did change. It took time though! 14 1/ 2 years we have been married now… He does things for me all the time without me initiating. I agree with the recommendations above. Also pray that God will give you ideas. Ask Him to change your perspective and enjoy your husband as he is. That did wonders for me. 🙂

      • susie says:

        You guys sound a lot like us, I am going to try start writing notes, lets see if we can change our introverts! My dad used to give notes all the time to my mom. I don’t think she ever gave one in return, but she always beamed when she got them and that must have been enough for my dad.

      • Jennifer says:

        I can fully recommend the book “God Empowered Wife” to you by Karen Haught. She is a very godly woman with an amazing story of overcoming, thru The Lord. You will get an understanding of how when you follow your husband and follow The Lord without any desire for self, how truly blessed you can be. I studied under her for two years when she was living in Australia (she’s now back in Texas) and it’s amazing what The Lord did in my life. Blessings.

      • Natalie Schroeder says:

        Have you read the Love Languages book? I kept feeling like I should be writing him love notes, until I read that. After reading that I realized that my husband wouldn’t get nearly as much from notes as he would from a hug, kiss, or just my hand on his shoulder (his language is physical affection). Reading it may help you understand your needs & his better.

  • Sara says:

    A different problem here! As a words of affirmation girl, love notes are easy for me, but my husband’s love language is gifts. GIFTS! How’s a frugal minimalist to buy gifts for a man that just say “I love you”?! I am completely lost. 🙁

    • Jen says:

      Might I suggest gifts for you that might really be “gifts” for him?? A sexy new pair of panties (can be found cheap and don’t take up much space!), some bubble bath to share, a candle for lighting later that evening, even his favorite candy bar on the seat of the car or a favorite coffee drink delivered to his office/workplace?! It can be done, I’m sure of it!

    • Rebekah Williams says:

      Gifts can be free, too. A pretty leaf you saw, a photo you took of something that he would think is funny, save him the mint you got from the restaurant you ate lunch at, or give something practical that you remembered he needed but he hadn’t remembered to buy yet.

  • Andrea says:

    I’ve actually been curious about this for a while. I subscribe to the 5 Love Language theory, so I figured Jesse was a word person (my phone just autocorrected that to “weird” ha). My husband is too, but I figured a long love note once per week would get pretty boring to him. I’m so glad you addressed this so I don’t have to sit at home and wonder any longer. I’d like to put this on my New Year list now that I have some extra ideas and know that when I think of writing a note, I’m not committed to a 2 page letter! Thank you!

  • Amanda E says:

    I love this! Thank you for the reminder… I used to find it difficult to come up with the words too. I enjoy your ideas…. Just texted my hubby this (we have a plan that does not have unlimited txting 😉 ) “You deserve a txt telling you I love you and am so thankful that you chose me and keep on choosing me”

  • Crystal says:

    I’m not the best with words so my notes simply say, “I love you.” I’ll doodle all over the note to make it pretty and then I hide them in the book he is reading, a coat pocket, his wallet, on the computer, inside a TP tube (LOL)… you get the point. I left one in the bathroom this weekend and he just found it this morning. I love when he comes to me smiling, note in hand (or when we’re not together, I’ll get a text saying he’s found it). It’s the unexpected reminder that I love him that makes it special.

  • Courtney says:

    My husband and I went through a very rough patch in our marriage. During that time, I committed to writing him a love note every day for a month. It was really hard! I was angry, hurt, and sad and had a hard time thinking of nice, loving, encouraging things to say. But the more I tried, the more God gave me the words I needed and the more I was able to focus on the positive things in our marriage and in my husband. I truly believe that those notes made a significant difference in that time in our marriage, both in my husband and in myself, and that they have strengthened our relationship as we work to rebuild trust.

  • Cowgirl G says:

    I put love notes on the pillow for him to see when he gets home when I’m gone overnight. I also leave a dry erase marker (with built in erasers) next to the bathroom mirror and leave notes on it sometime. He often writes me one back. 🙂 I sometimes tuck them into his lunchbox or text him during the day. It doesn’t have to be much at all – it truly is the thought that counts.

  • Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something special to do for my husband. There is a lot of uncertainty in our lives right now due to health issues and I want to do something that gets our minds off of these uncertainties. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

  • Nichole says:

    I love the idea of writing love notes to my fiance and I’m thinking about starting it in the new year. We have been on different schedules for the last two years (since our first daughter was born) so that we only need someone to watch our children a few hours a day. As blessed as we are that we had it as an option, it also means we barely see each other throughout the week (and sometimes on the weekend if he has overtime). I think love notes would be the perfect way to make sure he knows I’m thinking about him even when we are apart.

    • Chrys says:

      I used write way more love notes to my fiance and hide them in his car, coat pocket or even in a video game I know he’s going to play, but same as another commenter, he seemed to not care one way or another. However, since I work overnight and he works early mornings he is gone before I get home, so I call him from work every morning. He says my wake up calls are the best part of his day. I get to make sure that he wakes up on time and say goodnight (for me anyway) and he gets to hear my voice before he goes to work.

  • Dawn says:

    Sometimes I write out song lyrics that say the things I would want to say if I was that poetic. It’s LIKE a poem, but different too. Then when that song comes on the radio, he is reminded of the fact that I wrote it to him.
    It’s been just an easy way to express my love in a neat format.

  • Tami says:

    I will put sticky notes in his lunch. Thank you for doing . . . or, I am looking forward to seeing you when you get home! Also, I will put a little treat in there, tape a Jolly Ranger or a tootise roll in there. Gosh, I am just so glad that I get to stay home and he is willing to go out and work so hard for 8-10 hour days, that anything I can put in there to make his day a little more cheerful and easier is well worth it.

  • Liz says:

    I like sneaking little treats that he loves into the basket at the grocery and then leaving the item around the house where I know he’ll find it.

    He’s got a love for olives so I buy a couple of jars and put them in the fridge for when he grabs his lunch that day or in the pantry where he gets a snack after he gets home.

    Sometimes there’s a note attached but sometimes not. He always knows who got him the olives and the thought alone is better than a love note to him.

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