Money Saving Mom®

Readers who have been around here a long time will remember we used to live in the same town as Jessica Fisher from Life as Mom and Good Cheap Eats and her family. We loved getting to know the Fisher family during that year we were both in Kansas City together.

I especially enjoyed hanging out at their house! Not only because I learned so much from Jessica, but because she is an amazing cook. Every time we went to their house, she’d be whipping up some sort of magic in the kitchen. It’s her thing and she does it beautifully.

Me, Silas, and Jessica in 2010 when our family went to visit their family in California.

It was a sad day when their family moved back to California, but we will always be grateful for those many memories we have and for the gift of local friendship and community their family gave to us during a hard and lonely season of our lives. And I will always be thankful for all the recipe ideas, kitchen tips, and life hacks I’ve learned from Jessica.

I’m super excited about Jessica’s new book, Good Cheap Eats: Dinner in 30 Minutes or Less. I know that title almost sounds too good to be true. But it’s not!

Jessica shows you tricks, tips, and delicious recipes that can be made in a matter of minutes. Best of all, her recipes are budget-friendly and many are bursting with nutritious ingredients.

The first time I had fish tacos was when Jessica served them to us at her house. I fell promptly in love. So I was really, really happy when I saw that she included them in this cookbook.

If you are looking for a great cookbook for busy families with simple, quick, and inexpensive recipes in it, check out Good Cheap Eats: Dinner in 30 Minutes or Less.

As many of you know, I recently had surgery, and my recovery ended up being much longer than I originally anticipated.

For days, I was exhausted, nauseated, weak, and losing weight and yet I didn’t have an appetite. Then, I started experiencing some pain that didn’t feel right. I finally went to the doctor and discovered I had a post-surgery infection.

While I’m feeling much better now, the last two weeks were hard and I struggled to not feel discouraged. This thing just seemed to drag on and on and on. My doctor had said she thought I’d feel mostly all back to normal within a few days and it had been two weeks and I still didn’t feel back to normal.

I just wanted to have my usual energy back. I wanted to be able to function at the energy level and productivity level that I’m used to.

In the grand scheme of things, this is such a small thing. I know there are so many people dealing with so much more, but at the same time, that didn’t change the fact that I was tired of waking up feeling sick and tired. I just wanted to be well!

Do you ever wake up and feel tired & discouraged, or just can’t seem to find the strength to face the day? 

Here are 5 things I did when I felt tired and discouraged last week:

1. Fire your inner critic.

My inner critic was telling me I was a wuss and that I should be able to deal with this more easily. I had to fire this voice inside of me that was saying it was my fault and my problem — that I needed to push harder and just get up and get over it in order to stop feeling so exhausted and sick.

Instead, I needed to give myself grace. I needed to focus on healing. I needed sleep. And I needed to take it easy. I decided to fire my inner critic and instead step back and listen to my body’s need for rest.

Listen to the truth, and don’t let the inner critic dictate your life.

2. Feed your body well.

Sometimes when we are going through a difficult time, it is so easy to reach for chocolate, junk food, or too many carbs. Emotional eating might feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it will often make us feel even worse.

When I was feeling nauseated, I realized I was just reaching for whatever I sounded good, but it wasn’t necessarily what my body needed. Instead, I started making a conscious effort to eat healthful foods that would fuel my body well. As a result, I found that I felt so much more nourished and it made a big difference in my energy levels.

3. Fill your soul.

What does your soul need? What are you craving? Maybe you need to do something creative, or just call up a friend and share your struggles.

For me, I just wanted to watch a good movie and relax, so that’s what my husband and I did. I also went to church, spent time with people who support me, read soul-nourishing words, and listened to some encouraging podcasts. All of these things helped build me up on the inside and gave me a feeling of hope.

4. Focus on others.

Some of you kept asking me why I was continuing to blog or periscope when I did not feel well, and it’s because I needed to get the focus off of myself and feel encouraged by focusing on others. I find that when I help others, it helps me forget about the things I was originally discouraged about.

There was one morning when I just did not want to get up and record a Periscope. I was feeling so tired and unmotivated, but I made myself do it. Once I got on and started streaming my video, I instantly felt better! Periscoping has become a daily joy for me, and it greatly encouraged me to focus on my community that morning.

What can you do to serve someone else? It might be something as simple as smiling, sending a text, or making a phone call. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, especially if you don’t have a lot of energy.

{“This is our literal air guitar” they told me!}

5. Find the funny.

Find something to laugh about. My friend Tam Hodge always tells me this, and it really makes a difference. Find your funny — whether it’s watching YouTube videos, a funny movie, or spending time with a friend who makes you laugh. Laughter is such good medicine!

What helps you when you feel tired and discouraged? I’d love to hear!

P.S. Watch my video on this topic: 5 Things To Do When You Feel Tired & Discouraged.

Psst! You can watch (or listen!) here to the video where I share more about this post & the lessons I’ve learned this year here.

Next week, while we’re in South Africa, I’ll be turning 34. It’s hard for me to believe I’m not 17 or even 25 any more. But it’s true.

As I’ve been reflecting on this past year, I was thinking about what I’ve learned as a 33-year-old and areas I’ve grown in. Here are three important things I’ve learned and/or really grown in this past year:

#1: It’s Okay If It’s Not Perfect

This might seem like I’m stating the obvious. But here’s the truth: I chased after perfect for a very long time. I wanted to be organized, exact, detailed, thorough, on time, and just plain together.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to pursue excellence, because it’s not. But this past year, I’ve really embraced that life is often messy. That things don’t always go as planned. That people are okay with me not having my act together.

And it’s been really freeing.

For instance, I had to get my driver’s license renewed last week because it was expiring on my birthday. The last time I’d gotten a new license (10 years ago?), I had painstakingly agonized over getting my signature as perfect as I possibly could using that clunky pen and touchscreen you have to write on.

This time around, I signed my name and pressed enter without even so much as a second thought. When they handed me my temporary license, I instantly noticed how messy my signature looked compared to my last driver’s license.

To me, that messy signature was a visible reminder of how much more relaxed I am about life and how much less I’m stressing about getting things “just right” these days.

#2: The Best Friends Are Those Who Cheerlead AND Challenge You

This past year, I’ve come to really appreciate the beauty of life-giving relationships — the kind where it’s a two-way street and there’s abundant give and take. I’ve intentionally worked at investing in relationships with people who not only love me for exactly who I am, but who challenge me to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I don’t want relationships where I’m being coddled. You know, the kind where people are only saying quiet affirmations, telling me how amazing I am, and generally just stroking my ego.

Nope, I don’t want that at all. Yes, sometimes it feels nice, but it’s unhealthy and it does nothing to spur me on to grow as a person.

Instead, I want to surround myself with people who will not only be my cheerleaders, but who will also have the courage to speak truth to me when I need to hear it.

This weekend, one of my friends called me out on something I said on my makeup tutorial on Periscope. I had said that my face without makeup on is “SCARY”. She challenged me to consider what kind of messaging I was speaking to myself and about myself.

Her words really impacted me and I was so grateful that she had the courage to speak words of truth that I needed to hear.

#3. You Aren’t Going to Please Everyone

You just aren’t. And as a 33-year-old, I’ve gotten really secure in this.

I sometimes forget, but for the most part, I’m really and truly okay with disappointing some people. Because it’s just a fact of life: you can’t please everyone all the time. But you can sure exhaust yourself trying.

This past year, I’ve grown more confident in who I am and who I’m not. I’ve grown confident in who I’m called to serve and inspire and who I’m not. I’ve gotten much better at saying “no” and at walking away from opportunities that weren’t a fit for my gifts or season of life.

I’ve also become a lot more content. There’s a lot of talk about “hustle” and “growth” as online entrepreneurs, and while I don’t want to become stagnant as a person, I’ve become really okay with no longer feeling the need to chase — after fame, after numbers, after opportunities, after more.

Because of these things, when someone tells me something they are disappointed in (that I don’t have this option on my site, that I’m not attending that conference, or that I blog or don’t blog a certain way), it doesn’t bother me like it once did.

Just two weeks ago, I got three lengthy emails in the space of a week outlining why these three different individuals didn’t find my blog helpful. I had Jesse read these emails and we talked about them.

We looked to see if there was truth or wisdom in them that I needed to learn from. And ultimately, we decided that what these readers are looking for is not what I’m offering here. There are many people offering what they are looking for and I’m happy to point them in the direction of someone else who can better meet their needs.

But instead of being all hurt or bothered that I was disappointing these people, I realized that I have to focus on doing what I’m gifted at and what I’m passionate about. In doing so, I will bless and encourage those people who need to hear the message I have to share.

P.S. Watch my 3 Important Things I Learned When I Was 33 video here.

Would You Do Me a Birthday Favor?

If you’re usually a quiet reader here, I’d LOVE it if you “de-lurked” this week and either left a comment on this post introducing yourself or sent me an email introducing yourself.

Hearing from my readers is one of my favorite things, so if you have a moment, I’d love to hear a little about you — where you’re from, how long you’ve been reading here, and anything else about you/your family that you’d like to share. Thanks SO much!

Love pumpkin spice flavor but without all the extra calories and sugar that come with a latte? Check out this easy way to add pumpkin spice for not-a-latte to your morning coffee!

I live in a different part of the country that speaks a different language. I’ve been wanting to start a YouTube channel in that language, but something is holding me back. I am afraid to show my face to the world, because I am not sure how I will handle criticisms. I am an introvert, and I’m not sure it’s worth putting myself out there.

How do you manage to be a public figure, yet not let the mean comments and the cyber bullying get to you? Since you are an introvert, what suggestions would you give to fellow introverts who are trying to put themselves out there on the Internet? -Uma

Hi, Uma!

This is such a great question, and it’s an issue I have been dealing with quite a bit recently since starting my Periscope videos on a regular basis. The trolls on Periscope are frequent. They come on almost daily and call me names or make trouble.

Most of the time, the names they’ll call me or the things they’ll say are things I’ve heard before — maybe in a comment that I deleted on Facebook or an email someone sent in — but not usually things that are being said out there in public display for everyone to see.

I can block the trolls on Periscope, yes, and I do. But not until after they’ve already said something that was inappropriate or uncalled for.

The truth is, whether it’s YouTube, Periscope, blogging, or something entirely different, there will always be someone who says something that can prevent you from succeeding or discourage you. This is a hurdle to be expected when pursuing any goal in life and really anything worth doing.

It’s so important to not let the trolls and bullies and critics of this life hold you back from the goals you have — whether it’s blogging, a business endeavor, or a personal goal.

When you let them hold you back, you are choosing to give them power over you. There will be moments when people’s comments sting or hurt, but you have to learn how to not let them crush or defeat you.

When the trolls show up in your life, you can decide to listen to them or you can decide to tune them out and keep pressing on. It’s YOUR choice.

No matter where you are in life or what you do, you will have instances when you want to just run away due to fear. If you stand strong and withstand the criticisms or the cruel comments, you will reap the rewards. You will also encourage other people to be courageous, as well.

So my advice is simple: Ignore the trolls. As I heard Dave Ramsey say one time, “I am not responsible to someone I don’t have a relationship with.”

Personally Speaking…

I disappoint people every day. That’s part of this blogging thing. When you put yourself out there online, people are going to tell you things about how you’re falling short, how they don’t like this or that, that you’re an idiot, or that you just plain should quit blogging or scoping.

In almost every one of these cases, when I’ve been told things like this, they’ve been drive-by comments from people who don’t know me or my family. These weren’t comments from people who had spent time investing in my life and building a relationship.

I have people in my life who have built into my life, who are my mentors, and who have earned the right to be truth-tellers in my life. These are people who love me enough to say hard words to me when I need to hear them and who want me to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I respect and listen to these people — even when I don’t necessarily want to! — because I know they have my best interests in mind. They aren’t random strangers on the internet who have never met me in real-life. They’ve spent weeks, months, and years of their lives walking beside me and getting to know our family.

In my view, it’s okay to disappoint random strangers on the internet who haven’t invested in you or built a relationship with you. Just tune out their disapproval and criticism, because no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to be able to please them all.

I want you to be courageous. I want you to jump out and FLY! Don’t let trolls and anonymous comments on the internet dictate your behavior or hold you back from experiencing amazing things.

Don’t let trolls hold you back from what you have to give to the world. The world needs your gifts, your talents, your story. The world needs YOU.

What advice and suggestions do the rest of you have for Uma? I’d love to hear your thoughts and input!