I live in a different part of the country that speaks a different language. I’ve been wanting to start a YouTube channel in that language, but something is holding me back. I am afraid to show my face to the world, because I am not sure how I will handle criticisms. I am an introvert, and I’m not sure it’s worth putting myself out there.
How do you manage to be a public figure, yet not let the mean comments and the cyber bullying get to you? Since you are an introvert, what suggestions would you give to fellow introverts who are trying to put themselves out there on the Internet? -Uma
Hi, Uma!
This is such a great question, and it’s an issue I have been dealing with quite a bit recently since starting my Periscope videos on a regular basis. The trolls on Periscope are frequent. They come on almost daily and call me names or make trouble.
Most of the time, the names they’ll call me or the things they’ll say are things I’ve heard before — maybe in a comment that I deleted on Facebook or an email someone sent in — but not usually things that are being said out there in public display for everyone to see.
I can block the trolls on Periscope, yes, and I do. But not until after they’ve already said something that was inappropriate or uncalled for.
The truth is, whether it’s YouTube, Periscope, blogging, or something entirely different, there will always be someone who says something that can prevent you from succeeding or discourage you. This is a hurdle to be expected when pursuing any goal in life and really anything worth doing.
It’s so important to not let the trolls and bullies and critics of this life hold you back from the goals you have — whether it’s blogging, a business endeavor, or a personal goal.
When you let them hold you back, you are choosing to give them power over you. There will be moments when people’s comments sting or hurt, but you have to learn how to not let them crush or defeat you.
When the trolls show up in your life, you can decide to listen to them or you can decide to tune them out and keep pressing on. It’s YOUR choice.
No matter where you are in life or what you do, you will have instances when you want to just run away due to fear. If you stand strong and withstand the criticisms or the cruel comments, you will reap the rewards. You will also encourage other people to be courageous, as well.
So my advice is simple: Ignore the trolls. As I heard Dave Ramsey say one time, “I am not responsible to someone I don’t have a relationship with.”
Personally Speaking…
I disappoint people every day. That’s part of this blogging thing. When you put yourself out there online, people are going to tell you things about how you’re falling short, how they don’t like this or that, that you’re an idiot, or that you just plain should quit blogging or scoping.
In almost every one of these cases, when I’ve been told things like this, they’ve been drive-by comments from people who don’t know me or my family. These weren’t comments from people who had spent time investing in my life and building a relationship.
I have people in my life who have built into my life, who are my mentors, and who have earned the right to be truth-tellers in my life. These are people who love me enough to say hard words to me when I need to hear them and who want me to be the best version of myself that I can be.
I respect and listen to these people — even when I don’t necessarily want to! — because I know they have my best interests in mind. They aren’t random strangers on the internet who have never met me in real-life. They’ve spent weeks, months, and years of their lives walking beside me and getting to know our family.
In my view, it’s okay to disappoint random strangers on the internet who haven’t invested in you or built a relationship with you. Just tune out their disapproval and criticism, because no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to be able to please them all.
I want you to be courageous. I want you to jump out and FLY! Don’t let trolls and anonymous comments on the internet dictate your behavior or hold you back from experiencing amazing things.
Don’t let trolls hold you back from what you have to give to the world. The world needs your gifts, your talents, your story. The world needs YOU.
What advice and suggestions do the rest of you have for Uma? I’d love to hear your thoughts and input!
The best quote I’ve ever read regarding negativity from others:
“You could be the ripest, most juicy & delicious peach in the world. But, there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches.”
That’s such a great perspective to remember to look at things from! -Jordan, MSM Team
Focus on the positive comments instead of the negatives and be proud of he ratio because i bet that for every negative comment you will still have many more positive. Temember that a negative comment only speaks of the person that makes it specially when it is a destructive one instead of a constructive one. Kudos to you girl not everyone has the courage. Sending you blessing from Puerto Rico.
I’ve seen trolls – even the well-intended but rude criticisms of average people – cause my favorite mom-blogs to give up and shut down. It really ticked me off that only a couple of terrible people could effectively shut down the mom blogs that thousands of people enjoyed! You simply can’t let a couple of negative voices overpower the vast majority of positive.
It’s sad that we live in a society that accuses our youth of being “so terrible” when ADULTS are often behaving in a manner that is more unacceptable than than the behavior of CHILDREN. Keep your head high and stay true to yourself. The actions of others represent them and not you!
Thank you for this post. Love your blog!!… But what about when your criticism is from people that used to be in your life. We live in a small town and have respected people that are related that have spread untrue things about our family. I want to blog but cannot get past the fear of the People who think they know us.
As a Christian novelist, this is so true. It’s a battle…especially when your livelihood is, in part, based on reviews. I am blessed to have a group of fellow writers that encourage me and know my heart. They will tell me if the message is coming through the story. When they offer suggestions I can hear them and make edits without my pride being hurt. And, they can look at a critical review and “translate” to tell me if there is anything useful there or not. I trust them wholeheartedly because they are friends who share the same career. So, finding truth-tellers that also work in your own field is very helpful.
This is perfect timing for me. I’ve been following you for some time now and actually decided to try my own blog because of you. I’ve been devouring everything I can to learn about the whole process but my one main hang up is fear of trolls. I have a tendency to let other peoples’ hatefulness get to me when reading comments. I will definitely take your advise, and the other commenters, to heart.
I absolutely agree with the Dave Ramsey quote and I have something similar that I have started saying since I quit trying to please everyone. “if you do not pay my bills, you get no say so in my life or decisions.”
It is so sad to me that the internet attracts these trolls in the first place. You have to remember that most of these individuals are so harsh and cruel because they are anonymous. If they had to say what they say or behave the way they do in person, to your face, they wouldn’t. They would cower and keep their rude opinions to themselves.
The internet is a wealth of information and can be a connection to people you may never have met or interacted with without it. But unfortunately it is also a lightening rod to those who want to hide behind a rock while they sling mud.
My advice? In the words of Dr Seuss “be who you are , say what you feel, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
Assuming it’s truly a troll and not someone with an honest criticism, the best advice I have is to ignore. Someone who is successful and accomplished does not have the time or inclination to post nasty things.
I would encourage bloggers to not be too thin skinned about comments generally, though. The reality is if you choose to blog, it shouldn’t be a one way street where your opinion is the only one. Blogs are different from more traditional writing because it is real time and has a two way communication medium. If someone comments with a criticism, take a little time to think about whether there’s any truth to it. Ask those who know you best. If there is some truth to it, take action to grow. If there isn’t, ignore!
Yes, so true!
I think it’s really, really important to have a good group of truth-tellers in your life who can help you sift through the different viewpoints and people who are encouraging you to try and do different things. I learn so much from readers and from constructive criticism, but when you are getting completely contradicting constructive criticism on a regular basis, it’s vitally important to have people who can help you sort through it to decide what you need to listen to and learn from.
Otherwise, you can feel overwhelmed and confused because the voices are so conflicting.
I’ve been blogging for 18 yrs. and at first it did bother me but you don’t know who these people are so what do you care what they say? I’m a huge introvert too and now I just say “the delete button is our friend” and I just make it go away!
It’s my blog, my Youtube channel and my Facebook page and I’m not going to let a bunch of nasty people who nothing better to do in their lives than make trouble ruin it for me. BTW, as far as Youtube goes we approve all comments before we allow them on there.
I miss the days before the internet when people’s hurtful comments were only made to themselves or to their own friends and they didn’t get their ‘validation’ on the world wide web. These people seriously do not have enough to do… get a job, get a family, get a life.
Although I don’t blog or do anything of that nature, I have one thing I’d like to share. I use to think if I didn’t say anything or put myself out there then people wouldn’t be able judge me. I was definitely wrong about that. People thought I was snobby or too good to talk to them when really I was scared of people’s reactions and thinking they would hate me. So remember to be yourself and do what makes you happy. We aren’t always going to agree with everyone, but we can be kind to everyone.
I’m so glad that you don’t let the trolls make you quit. I have been loving your periscope, you have such a gift, don’t let them get to you! I just can’t believe that people act that way, it just floors me that people can be so mean, how do they live with themselves!? Take care!
Thanks so much for this! Its an encouragement to me even though I’m not actually out there on social media. The thing is, criticism isn’t limited to nasty comments online, sometimes they come from people who you thought would have your back… and don’t. My heart has been heavy (and upset) the last few weeks while trying to deal with hurtful criticism and I really appreciate what you shared here.
A thoughtful, thought-out article…well done.
Sometimes criticism, even that from strangers, alerts you to issues you should have addressed or taken care of. (But your family and friends were too kind to let you know.) Sometimes it’s a professional issue those same family and friends might not know about. So in that sense, criticism is good.
But that’s the exception, more than the rule. I have three good friends, plus a little brother, that are great (ahem) “manure-” detectors. They keep me honest. My mom doesn’t let me get away with much, either…but the very best sounding board is the Brick, my husband. If he’s upset at some of my critics, that’s a very good sign that the criticism is unjust.
I am also an introvert. I communicate best via written word. I like to engage in stimulating conversation via Facebook groups and other web-based sources. I have encountered people who are nasty and spew misinformed facts to try to prove their usually divisive point. I usually delete my comment and move on. I usually try to enter and participate in spaces were my contribution is valued and where there is a positive, open, creative tone. Trolls are people are have internal conflicts raging within just like all other bullies.
If you try to please everybody all the time, you’ll end up pleasing nobody most of the time. 🙂
But really though, just think about what that says about the trolls. I’m talking about the true trolls, not people who are trying to give constructive criticism which doesn’t come across as intended. Look, we all have mean thoughts; I’m not sure that is something that can be squashed… BUT, it takes a mean person to say it out loud, even anonymously. If a person has a kind heart, I don’t think they could say something mean to someone, even hiding behind a screen, because they would have the empathy to know how what they said would affect the person on the receiving end. So again… what does that say about the trolls? Are you really going to let someone who doesn’t appear to be a very nice person affect you that badly? Would you be friends with them in real life? Probably not. Just how I see it.
Crystal, your eyebrows look amazing! I saw an instagram post the other day that said when I was little I had no idea how important eyebrows would be some day… and they totally are!
Just feel sorry for the trolls… they have nothing better to do with their lives.
Ooh, this is hard! I started a healthy recipes YouTube channel a couple years ago, and ended up moving the project to the back burner because it was too much time commitment. Along the way I got a couple of mean comments about my weight and how I couldn’t possibly be healthy.
What those commenters didn’t know is that I have struggled through Lyme disease, hypothyroid, probable adrenal fatigue and hormonal issues, and just the fact that I have enough energy to live a mostly normal life is a huge testament to my general health right now!
I’d love to go back to my channel on a part time basis, and include some posts talking about my health journey and such, but I still cringe when I see I have a new comment on one of my old posts. Even though most of my comments are nice (or just random and weird…) it’s so hard for me not to be scared of the mean ones.
Crystal, don’t think I’ve ever commented on here but I read the blog faithfully and greatly admire what you do, and the grace and confidence with which you life life so fully.
This post comes at the perfect time, I spent the summer making mental plans and notes to launch a local website/blog for parenting resources, events, kids activities, etc. in our city. I’m finally about to have the time to commit and get it up and running, but over the past few weeks I have been reconsidering the idea because of the fear of putting myself out there with the knowledge that there will be complaints and mean comments! I am sensitive by nature, but like you said, only really to those that I have a relationship with and those whose opinion I value. SO… taking your advice to heart and moving forward with new found confidence!
Unrelated, I hope you are feeling better this week!
This post brings to mind something that I noticed earlier today….I saw a headline saying someone was being slammed for this…someone else is being slammed for that. Seems like anyone who is in the public eye these days is getting slammed for something. Doesn’t matter what you believe or don’t believe, there is always someone who disagrees and decides to make a big deal of it.
It’s a sad state of affairs when negativity is the accepted (and expected) response. We’ll never all agree on everything – but there is no need for mean and hurtful words.
And now I feel badly about a comment I made on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. In my attempt to provide constructive criticism, I think I must have offended you because you deleted my comment.
I’m sorry I hurt you, can you forgive me? I have nothing but respect and admiration for what you do.
You know, I don’t know what comment you’re referring to, so please don’t worry about it. We sometimes delete comments that we know will stir the pot too much and cause fighting in the comments (I try to keep things upbeat here and unfortunately, certain topics or constructive criticism will turn into heated arguments quickly!)
I love how you refer to them as trolls. I try to keep the verse that talks about whatsoever things are lovely whatsoever things are pure in my mind when I respond to negativity but I have to hand it to you about the periscope videos. You handle those comments so gracefully and frankly…I would just rather not even submit myself to seeing those sort of things because it is so difficult not to get emotional or angry or upset or aggravated and that list goes on and on.
I try to tune them out. My sister told me something years back when someone said something awful. We wrestle not against flesh and blood. Yes, I have heard that before but the way she explained it to me is that if you are not daily giving yourself to God then you are allowing Satan to work in your life. That means that sometimes people say things mean and they don’t mean to be hurtful but they are allowing a spirit to work in their lives that is not of God and it shows.
Thanks so much for your kind encouragement!
A friends 5 year old turned to face her bully at school this week and said “want me to show you my toughness?” It was a reminder that there is toughness in all of us, don’t let fear hold you back!
Yes!
Thank you for your beautiful and frank answer to this raw question. I know I am struggling with putting myself out there completely. Fear can be so crippling! I want to live my life completely and soak in all of God’s blessings. Thank you again for your thoughts!
You are so welcome! I’m grateful it encouraged you.
Hi Crystal!! I loved your periscope today however you blocked me on accident and now I can’t even get in your periscope. I know you said you blocked somebody on accident. That was me. lol I am no longer following you on periscope due to being blocked. Can you unblock me so I can keep following you and get the notifications?? 🙂
Thank you!!! Yay I am back!!! lol. 😀 will catch the rest in katch.me Hope you do well today at the conference!!
I’m SO sorry about that! I replied on Facebook to say that I unblocked the accidental block… that’s one reason why I dislike blocking live… because it’s so easy to click on the wrong profile name!!
This is a great post. Something that helped me, when I had to give training classes, was remembering that I have the knowledge, if I can help at least one person then I have done my job. Also, not to worry about what people think, just do what you know best.
“If I can help at least one person then I have done my job.”
Such a good word to remember.
I love the Dave Ramsey quote. You’re right. People have to earn the right to give negative feedback that I will listen to. I haven’t experienced any extremely negative comments yet on my blog, thankfully. I have had people who misinterpret what I say or don’t understand where I am coming from. That has actually helped me to make sure that I am communicating clearly. However, there are some people who seem to like stirring up trouble or making mean comments. Praying for them seems to be the only solution.
I so appreciate the people who will ask questions in the comments that help me to realize I may have miscommunicated or not communicated clearly and need to clarify what I said or wrote.
I am super introverted and dealing with trolls has been the hardest thing for me in regards to building a business online. I’d say the first thing you need to realize is that when someone says something that is downright awful it normally has more to do with them than it has to do with you. You just have to let it slide. Laugh at it instead of letting it get to you.
Also, another thing is to realize where the trolls are so you can be proactive. For me, I get the most mean and unnecessary comments via FB messages. I have my now-husband read through all of my Facebook messages and delete anything that is hateful before I respond to all the legit ones. That helps a lot!
I also do not read the comments if one of my posts has been picked up on large media site (like Yahoo Finance, for instance.) The only reason people comment on some of the large media sites is to state how stupid the author is or fight with each other.
And lastly, like Maryalene said you have to be okay with the fact that people will disagree with your point of view. That’s not someone being a troll. And nobody will ever agree with you 100% of the time no matter how much they like and respect you.
I’ve now been blogging for about three years and trolls just don’t bother me as much as they used to. It’s just something you have to occasionally expect. (There are WAY more amazing people than there are trolls.)
I’ve had to have my husband read through some of the messages too because they can be just so bad sometimes and it helps to have that accountability.
Such wise words here!
“I’d say the first thing you need to realize is that when someone says something that is downright awful it normally has more to do with them than it has to do with you.”
Good reminder!
I’m an extrovert with the same insecurities. One thing I’ve feared is my critics being right in their criticisms, and that has often debilitated me. However, the first time I let words intended to stop me fuel me, it was a catalyst to future successes. A year before my wedding I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life at that point. I told someone I was going to count calories using a website. They laughed and said it would last 3 days(I’m not always a person to follow through with goals). Every time I was tempted to not record my calories, that comment pushed me to do it. And when I walked down the aisle at an official weight that considered me to be in a normal weight range, I had never felt so accomplished in a goal. I love how you push to accomplish your goals and let the stings ignite you to do great things.
I love, love, love this and am so proud of you!!
Fantastic advice. The only thing I would add is to not engage. Don’t bother trying to respond to someone who is purposefully being mean and hurtful.
Of course, on the flip side, also recognize that not everyone with a critical comment is a troll. That said, I think the comments section at YouTube is a wasteland. I wouldn’t even read the comments there.
“Of course, on the flip side, also recognize that not everyone with a critical comment is a troll.”
So true!
Thanks for these wise words!
Rule #1 Don’t get offended.
It doesn’t matter what others think or say about you. You know who you are, so be strong in that. All the comments that you view as negative are not really about you, but about the commenters. Be the duck, not the water. Words are just words, not knives, and you have the power to not let them affect you.
Thank you so much for sharing these good words here.
Set the tone immediately for your channel. You tube has the worst trolls on the web, IMO, but you can easily block them. Make it clear in your channel description/trailer that you welcome only positive interaction. It’s your channel/your rules, there will be no expectation of free speech, lol. Never engage with a troll, ever, just monitor your comments daily, and remove the negative(no warning, no acknowledgement- just poof, they are gone) and block the offenders. These trolls are just looking for attention. If you engage they sometimes get friends to join in. By promptly removing any negative comments you will decrease the odds that other trolls will start dogpiling. They will move on to another channel where they can have their “fun”. Another option is that you can set your channel to hold all comments for your approval before they are posted publicly. You could also ask your friends and family to help out by subscribing to your channel, helping monitor the comments and also refraining from arguing with trolls. If your channel is a friendly, supportive, positive place, you will attract a super audience. But it’s up to you to set that tone. I’d also consider using a simple blog to promote your channel, one where its harder for trolls to find and access your content, but your fans can interact in a more intimate venue. There’s plenty of free sites that can host a blog, and many can help you track your audience more accurately than you tube, and also block IP addresses if there are any troublesome trolls.
Such great advice here — thanks for sharing!