Money Saving Mom®

The (in)courage blog is hosting a Better Together series right now that is focused on what it looks like to do life in a way that reflects the timely truth that we are better together.

Each Wednesday, they invite different writers from the community to share what doing life Better Together has looked like in real time for them.

I’m honored that this week, Lisa-Jo shares some of my thoughts about going to South Africa and the benefits of being uncomfortable. Here’s a snippet:

My friend Crystal Paine had never traveled further abroad than the Dominican Republic when she took an 18-hour plane ride with me to South Africa.

She was coming to see first hand the community center, water point, and vegetable garden our blog readers had built together through our partnership with Help One Now in South Africa.

It was hot and often uncomfortable. There were plenty of awkward moments. Because anytime you open your door to your neighbor, whether they live across the street or across the globe, it can get bumpy.

I asked Crystal if she’d share some of those moments with you all – a behind-the-scenes look at what it’s like to walk around in someone else’s shoes and someone else’s story that is so totally different than your own.

Because sometimes that’s the best way to discover what we have in common.

Read the full post here.

Heavenly Homemakers shares how to make 5 real food dinners for about $1 each.

I have your book Say Goodbye to Survival Mode and I love it. I have noticed lately that I want to and do start everything, but can’t seem to finish anything! It seems I can only wholeheartedly focus on one thing at a time, but I want to do so so much!

Just a couple examples would be: I got a planner and used it for a few months then lost interest, I lost 15 lbs but gained 10 lbs back, I started to declutter my house and detailed it on a blog which lasted for a whole 2 months, I coupon in spurts then stop, I spent 3 months reading a few books a month and now I can’t seem to finish one.

I could go on and on, and this is all just in the last 9 months! I don’t know why I have all these ideas that I want to do, but can’t seem to find the motivation to finish anything! Do you have any ideas? I’d love to know what advice you would have. -Becky

Hi, Becky!

I think this is a very common problem for many of us. So know that you are not alone.

And I definitely don’t have it all figured out. In fact, I feel like I’m constantly in a battle between my inner disciplinarian and my inner squirrel.

“Focus, Focus, Focus…oh, shiny things!”

I want so badly to be disciplined, but I also have this sort of free spirit inside of me that pops out and wants to do its own thing from time to time. Which is why I’ve struggled to be a person who follows through with things.

If you were around in the beginning of my blog, you probably remember how I used to constantly start blog series, make ambitious goals for things I was going to do on a daily or weekly basis, and then never actually finish or follow through with what I’d started.

I get really excited about ideas, start on them, but then get excited about something else and move on. I guess you can say it’s my nature to be a really great starter, but actually following through and finishing things requires a lot more effort.

I don’t have this all figured out, but I have gotten much better at it! For example, recently I started a sort-of book club community on this blog. The old me would have blogged about it and said, “This is something we will be doing every week for the next year and here’s the list of all 52 books we’ll be reading!”

The older and wiser me said, “This is fun. Let’s try this out and see how it goes. I’m really enjoying it.”

Many of you hopped on board and it’s been a blast, but it’s also nice to know I didn’t make a promise or commitment to all of you that I might not be able to keep later on down the road if I get too busy to continue with the book club.

{FYI: I took some time off while I was in South Africa but hope to re-start it soon!}

So yes, I’ve gotten smarter about the expectations I set for myself. I’ve also discovered 4 tricks that help me actually finish the goals I set:

1. Set ONE Goal.

So much of the time we set ourselves up for failure by making a huge list with tons of different goals. Our lives feel out of control, so we decide to overhaul our lives overnight.

But the truth is: it’s not possible to overhaul your life overnight. Oh you can try, alright, but you’ll quickly crash and burn.

Instead of trying to change everything all at once, decide to focus on ONE THING for the next 2-3 months. Yes, you’ll have other basic daily tasks and responsibilities you need to complete too, but focus on this one particular area that you want to see a significant change in.

Not sure what one thing you should choose to focus on? I recommend picking the one that you think will make the biggest difference in your life overall. Maybe it’s getting up early to exercise, going to bed earlier, creating a time-blocked to-do list each day, or investing in relationships.

Once you’ve decided on your one goal that you will focus on, be sure to set a concrete time frame for that goal. Start with a time frame that feels manageable. This will look different for everyone, but I always say 3 weeks is a good starting place. It’s long enough to help you develop the habit or routine, but it’s also short enough that you will be able to stick to it without falling off the bandwagon.

At the end of the 3 weeks, decide if it’s making an impact on your life. Do you need to tweak it, redo it, or keep going with it for another 3 weeks if you’re happy with the direction it’s going? It’s important to constantly re-evaluate where you’re at with your goal and what kind of impact it’s making on your life.

As you think of other things you want to change in your life, write these down and keep a running list of future goal ideas, but only focus on one at a time. This simplifies things and allows you to really focus and turn that goal into a lifestyle — not just a short-lived ambitious idea.

2. Find accountability for that goal.

This is one of the most important parts of goal-setting. You must have accountability. We were made for community, and it is tough to stick to a goal on your own without someone keeping you accountable for it.

Figure out what kind of accountability you need. Maybe it’s another person checking in with you, a chart on your fridge, an app that you check each day (like the Commit app), or even just posting publicly on Facebook. You could even ask a friend to call you each day at a certain time to ask if you followed through with your goal for the day.

For me, blogging about my goals is huge accountability. Putting all of my goals out there for you all to see motivates me to follow through with them.

3. Reward yourself regularly.

You have to reward yourself in order to stay the course. If you go, go, go and never take time to celebrate your success, you’ll end up exhausted.

Figure out some sort of small reward that will keep you highly motivated, and put that in place. Maybe at the end of 3 weeks, you’ll have coffee with a friend, buy yourself a new book, hire a baby sitter for a couple of hours, go shopping, or indulge in a treat. Pick something that you love, and give yourself permission to do it once you’ve reached your goal.

The reward doesn’t even have to be something you buy or go do at the very end of reaching your goal. It can be something you do along the way that motivates you daily. Maybe just tracking your progress motivates you internally and keeps you on course.

I also recommend setting your reward based upon your goal. For example, if your goal is to lose 5 pounds, it’s probably not a great idea to make the reward eating chocolate cake!

And be sure to make the reward match the goal in size. If it’s a smaller baby step, make it a smaller reward. If it’s a huge monumental success, have a huge celebration when you reach the finish line! Life is too short to not take time to celebrate your wins and successes!

4. Give yourself grace.

Don’t be a total goal-setting slave driver. Don’t be your worst critic and fill yourself with wrong, shameful messaging if you get off course or are going slower than you’d hoped. Beating yourself up because you haven’t hit all of your marks is not going to inspire you to stay the course.

Instead, give yourself grace. Understand that life will happen and there will be hiccups along the way. There will probably be certain circumstances that make it okay for you to set your goal aside for a day. For example, you might skip exercising one day if you have a child who was up sick all night long.

That said, don’t give yourself too much grace to the point that you fall off the bandwagon. However, it’s very important that you don’t exhaust yourself and burn yourself out by relentlessly chasing goal-setting success at the expense of your health, family, and sanity.

Have you ever struggled with following though with goals you’ve set? What has helped you to stay motivated and actually accomplish your goals?