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Tag Archive: The Crystal Paine Show

10 Things We Learned in 2020

My word that I chose for 2020 was SAVOR. Little did I dream how much of my year was going to be able to live that word out so literally!

From so much time at home and so many things cancelled, to so much time spent rocking and holding and feeding babies, to so much unexpected family time, this year was the perfect year to choose to savor the gifts right in front of me.

Our year looked very different in so many ways — and yes, there was loss and hard things — but I look back and see so much beauty, so much growth, and so much to be grateful for!

In this last podcast for 2020, Jesse and I shared 10 Things We Learned in 2020. Here was our list (I know there are more things we could add, but this is what came to mind as we reflected on the year):

10 Things We Learned in 2020

  1. God Gives Grace for the Present Not the Future — If we had known what 2020 would hold, we probably would have felt overwhelmed by it. But, as we learned, God doesn’t give you grace for the future, He gives grace for today.
  2. Jesse Can Thrive on Less Sleep Than He Realized — Jesse has always needed more sleep than me. But this year, he got up every single night with a baby for months on each — and he realized that, when needed, he can thrive on less sleep. (I think it’s also connected to point #1, too!)
  3. I Can Have a Baby Without Having Postpartum Depression — I’ve always struggled with pretty intense PPD and anxiety for months after having a baby. This time around, we approached things very differently and I had almost zero PPD or anxiety! It was amazing!
  4. Foster Care is Brutal But Beautiful — This was one of the most emotionally stretching years we’ve ever walked through. Falling in love and advocating hard for a child only to say goodbye is brutal, but the memories and lessons we learned and how our hearts were forever changed as a family is so beautiful. Plus, we now have a sweet boy AND his mama to love — which is such a gift!
  5. Turning 40 Is Not a Terrible Thing — Jesse turned the big 4-0 and he survived just fine. 🙂
  6. I Am Not the Workaholic I Once Was — I worked a lot fewer hours this year and worried a lot less about all things running a business. And it was amazing! I realized that I used to spend a lot of time investing in and stressing over things that really don’t matter in the long run.
  7. Jesse Discovered That Audiobooks Really Are Amazing — I’ve been trying to convince him of this for a long time, so this was a big victory… of course, then it meant that he ended up almost beating me in the number of audiobooks listened to!
  8. I’m More Extroverted Than I Realized — Having so many things cancelled and spending so much time at home taught me to value and appreciate community so much more. AND, it helped me to realize that while I’ll always be an introvert at heart, I really, really love being around life-giving people. Zoom is just no replacement for face-to-face community.
  9. Teaching a Teen to Drive is Not as Hard as We Envisioned — Jesse and I have both gotten to tag team together on teaching Kathrynne to drive and it hasn’t been as hard or as scary as we envisioned it might be. (Jesse has done a lot more of the teaching than me and he’s actually really enjoyed it!)
  10. We Really Like Each Other — This might seem like a weird thing to put on our list of things we’ve learned, but with all the time we spent at home this year, we discovered anew just how much we like each other and how we just love hanging out together.

Listen in to the episode to hear us share our perspective and a lot more details on each of these lessons.

In This Episode: 

[00:36] In this episode, we’re reflecting on 10 things we learned in 2020.

[02:12] The first is that God gives grace for the present not the future.

[07:26] Jesse learned that he can thrive on less sleep than he realized.

[10:13] I learned that I can have a baby without having PPD.

[16:14] Foster care is brutal but beautiful.

[19:57] Turning 40 is not a terrible thing.

[22:49] I am not the workaholic that I once was.

[26:29] Audiobooks really are amazing.

[27:45] I have found that I am more extroverted than I thought.

[29:25] Did you know teaching a teen to drive is not as hard as you might think?

[31:56] One of the greatest lessons we’ve learned is that we really like each other.

[35:29] A quick quote to close out the year.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Holding both grief and gratitude

“I could be sitting on the sidelines, in blissful ignorance of the brokenness that surrounds me, enjoying the whole-ness of a sweet and sheltered life. Missing out on the beauty of breaking off pieces of my heart and my life to make another whole.” – Jamie from @fosterthefamilyblog

I look at this picture. I think of the last 9 months of loving this little guy. I think of the roller coaster of emotions we’ve experienced. I think of the brutal and the beautiful. I think of how our whole family has changed because of loving this little guy. I think of how we be gotten to see God show up in profound and powerful ways on our behalf. And my heart swells with gratitude.

We didn’t sign up for foster care because we are strong or brave, but because we were called. Because once we knew the need, we couldn’t stay in our safe bubble of comfort, we had to jump out and say yes — even when it terrified us.

And I reflect on this past year and I can say with 100% confidence: God has been so faithful.

In the many moments when it felt overwhelming and exhausting, He was faithful.

In the times when we felt lonely and scared, He was faithful.

Through the many unknowns, He was faithful.

I don’t know what God is calling you to. I don’t know what you are walking through. I don’t know what scary thing you might be facing that you know you are supposed to say “yes” to.

But this I know: God is faithful. He has been, He is, and He will be faithful. Rest in that, lean on that, and take the next step.

In this week’s episode of The Crystal Paine Show, Jesse and I sit down and talk about what this last week has been like for us. We open up candidly about how the grief of saying goodbye to Champ has profoundly impacted us. We share what has been helping us, how we are processing this loss, what has been helping us, and how we are holding both grief and gratitude at the same time.

And because we didn’t want the whole episode to be heavy, we also talk about our road trip to Kansas, chocolate collagen, a book I’m reading to Kierstyn, a project Jesse recently finished, and a sweatshirt I am loving.

In This Episode: 

[00:46] This week has definitely been heavy and we’ll talk about that, but first…

[03:33] We got to go to Kansas recently. Hear about the trip.

[08:43] We had an unexpected event happen on the road on the way home from Kansas.

[13:07] Chocolate collagen is saving Jesse’s life.

[14:33] Our new deck furniture has been saving my life.

[17:08] I’m reading Stuart Little to Kierstyn.

[17:40] So, let’s talk about grief and gratitude. We’re sharing the story behind Champ going home.

[20:40] Why I’m so grateful looking back over the last week.

[23:35] Tuesday night and Wednesday morning were very difficult. I was hit with deep grief.

[26:14] Jesse was hit hardest the first night. Hear why.

[29:41] Why it’s important to allow yourself to feel the grief.

[32:04] What has been most helpful when I feel the cloud of grief come over me.

[34:04] Learning to receive from others instead of always being the giver.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Photo by @emilyasheyphoto

Soul Care During Stressful Seasons

There is a lot going on in the world right now — and there is a lot going on in our home, too. In the middle of the noise and rush of life, it can be easy for our souls to get neglected.

In today’s episode of The Crystal Paine Show, Jesse and I talk about how we’re prioritizing soul care during what can feel like a stressful season. We talk about some R&R’s for our soul and challenge you to think of what soul care might look like for you right now.

In addition, we share an update on Champ’s reunification, we talk a little about the election, Jesse shares a strategy he’s implementing in order to get more reading time in, I talk about a book I’m reading, and we talk about soap and Hulu. (Yes, you just never quite know what you’ll get when you tune into the podcast!)

In This Episode: 

[00:36] This past week has been a doozy of a week; both politically and personally.

[03:05] We share an update on Champ.

[04:42] Why we’ve been working hard at helping Champ to form attachments.

[08:15] Jesse shares why he starts books but hates to finish them and what he’s doing to help change this.

[10:10] I’ve been reading The Body Keeps the Score.

[16:44] Why we’ve loved having Hulu.

[18:05] Bath and Body Works Apple Pumpkin soap is saving my life this week.

[19:30] We’re diving into soul care for when life feels stressful.

[21:28] The first of the four “R’s” for the soul is recipes.

[23:45] Jesse shares some of the rhythms that are helping his soul right now.

[25:26] Reading is such an amazing “R” for the soul.

[28:26] Rest is also so important.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Honest Confessions of a Control Freak

Jesse and I have both struggled with being what you could call “control freaks” in our life. I like to have a plan and I like other people to go along with my plan. Jesse’s control shows up more in wanting to be able to control decisions other people make or to make sure that everything is always okay with me and our kids — and when it’s not, he feels a lot of stress and like things are spinning out of control.

Fostering has been such a good exercise for us in learning to let go of our neat little plans. Since we don’t make almost any of the decisions for him, we’ve just had to love him as our own on behalf of his mom while also keeping our hands open to whatever God has for him.

It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been so good — and it’s taught us how much peace there is when we stop clenching our fists and trying to micromanage our lives and instead release our tight grip and trust God fully.

In this episode, we share lessons we are learning, what has helped us let go of our tightly wound control, and how loving on this little boy has completely changed our lives.

We also give some family updates, share about what’s helping Jesse drink more water, my favorite eyebrow definer, and two books we’ve been reading.

In This Episode: 

[01:01] Champ recently received hearing aids and it has been an adventure.  

[03:58] We are so excited about our Gatlinburg weekend trip and why we voted early.

[06:19] I have a quick update on the No Bake cookies we were talking about several weeks ago.

[07:02] Water and his half-gallon water bottle are saving Jesse’s life. 

[11:01] Maybelline Total Temptations Eyebrow Definer is saving my life.

[13:31] Jesse is back to reading his most recent Brad Thor book, Near Dark.

[14:50] I’ve been reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.

[17:30] We’re chatting all about being control freaks and what we’ve been learning.

[20:40] How our experiences as foster parents have shown us our need to release control.

[24:55] Lessons we’re learning about control as parents — and in other areas of our lives.

[27:40] What stress and fear tell me about resting in the Lord.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Raising Worry-Free Girls

If you or someone you love — especially your kids — struggle with anxiety or worry, you do not want to miss this episode of The Crystal Paine Show. I’m joined by Sissy Goff, the author of Raising Worry-Free Girls.

In our conversation, Sissy talks about how to spot signs of anxiety in our kids, how our approach can help or hurt our kids, what to do if your child is struggling with perfectionistic tendencies or stressing over grades, why anger and frustration in our kids can be a sign of anxiety, and practical tools and steps to help your child break free from incessant anxiety.

This episode is so actionable and important — especially right now! Don’t miss it!

In This Episode: 

[00:33] Welcome to our 100th episode and welcome Sissy Goff. 

[02:09] Learn more about Sissy and her background.

[03:12] Why did she choose to focus solely on girls versus kids in general?

[04:56] How our anxiety can impact our kids.

[07:24] Why perfectionism is one cause of anxiety and how to address it.

[08:58] How can parents navigate the internal criticism that perfectionist girls tend to live with?

[11:25] Is there a way to help perfectionistic children to branch out and try new things? 

[13:17] Ways that you can recognize anxiety versus normal behavior. 

[18:42] What to do once you recognize that your child is suffering from anxiety. 

[22:45] Don’t forget to name the worry to remove the fear associated with the voice in their head. 

[25:51] It’s so important to do preventative breathing.

[27:39] Why you need to let your kids go through the experiences and not save them.

[31:15] Go out and grab a copy of Raising Worry-Free Girls by Sissy Goff, these tactics work with boys as well!

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Answering Your Burning Questions

It’s been a while since we’ve answered your burning questions and this is one of your favorite types of episodes! So Jesse and I had fun answering another batch of questions you all have submitted recently.

In this episode, we talk about how old we are, how long Champ will be with us, what to do if you want to have kids and your spouse doesn’t, when we start talking about the birds and the bees with our kids and how we approach it, how school is going for our kids, plans for international travel, saving for our kids’ college tuition, how we got involved in youth group ministry at our church, and our favorite part of having big kids.

In This Episode: 

[00:36] Welcome back and welcome Autumn. I recently read a holiday-themed novel — A Very Bavarian Christmas!

[02:01] Oatmeal and milk (turned into no-bake cookies) are saving my life these days. 

[04:37] We are answering some burning questions today!

[06:06] Jesse is now the big 4-0. SO much older that Crystal. 😉 

[06:47] We’re sharing how much longer we think may have Champ. 

[09:38] How do you proceed when you’re ready for kids but your spouse isn’t?

[14:56] What age is appropriate for the birds and the bees talk with your kids? 

[19:59] Any plans to travel internationally? 

[21:56] Are we saving for the kid’s college tuition? 

[25:44] What is our favorite part of having “big” kids? 

[26:47] How is school going this year? 

[28:27] How we got involved in the youth group ministry at our church.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player here. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.