Money Saving Mom®

I was honored to be asked to answer a few questions on my writing process by my real-life friend, Ginger. She’s wife to a deployed husband, mom of three boys, and a dear friend of mine.

Ginger and I went to church together when we were just kids. After her family moved on to a different church, we were pen-pals for awhile. And then we completely lost contact for years.

It was only last year that we re-connected via Instagram and met up at the park for a play date. We quickly rekindled and deepened our friendship and have been blessed to stay in close contact since then.

Ginger inspires me through her blog and writing. She’s real, honest, and authentic. And her story is one of much pain and heartache… but also of the beauty that has come out of that darkness.

Here’s a short description from her About Page to get a peek into her life and why she blogs:

I enjoy sharing more of Our Story in chapters here in this blog. In it I tell the story of discovering betrayal and infidelity in my first marriage, and how I battled the storm that followed. I shared my Letter to the Other Woman, how I tried to restore my marriage, and when I knew that it was time to let go. I have also recounted my journey through being a single mom to three little boys, and how my heart healed after all of the pain. Eventually a wonderful man entered my life, and we became a blended family. 

We have had our shares of joys and trials, deployments and long seasons apart, and even an unexpected battle with cancer. I began this blog in August 2013 to reach out to others. I wanted to let you know that no matter what nightmare comes your way, or wherever your journey leads, you are not alone. I promise.

If you’re not already following Ginger’s blog, I encourage you to hop on over and check it out. Now, onto the questions on writing she asked me to answer:

What am I working on/writing?

Currently, I’m focusing the majority of my writing time on writing content for my blog. I’ve loved getting back to my roots and sharing more of a peek into our everyday lives.

My other big writing project right now is my next book. We had written up a basic proposal on the topic I really want to write on, but my editor strongly encouraged me to go back to the drawing board and come up with a fresher angle or a new idea.

While that was a bit discouraging, I also am grateful for people who are committed to making this next book the best it can be. Because of this, I value their constructive feedback and suggestions.

So, after a lot of thought, prayer, and discussion with others, we overhauled the proposal and re-submitted it a few weeks ago. I’m now waiting to hear their thoughts on the overhauled proposal.

I’m also supposed to be working on an ebook on cutting your grocery bill… but I’ve kind of shelved that for a bit and plan to pick it back up in August or September. By then, I’m hoping we’re more settled into our new rhythm of life in TN and our busy conference/travel season will be behind us.

How does my writing/work differ from others in its genre?

I have a unique story and unique perspective because I am the only me in existence. I don’t focus on how I can be different from others, but instead I focus on how I can be authentically me.

However, that wasn’t always the case. You see, for a long time, I wanted to be an artistic wordsmith. I wanted to write flowery, picturesque, beautiful pieces. Words that would move people in deep way. I saw others who were doing this so well and wished I had their gift of words.

But then I realized that that wasn’t who God had made me to be. Instead, He’s gifted me with the ability to take big-picture concepts and break them down into practical, bite-sized takeaways.

So I stopped trying to be someone I’m not and started focusing on being true to who I am — sharing my stories and unique perspective in (mostly) practical posts with practical takeaways.

It might not be as beautiful, but it’s just as needed.

Why do I write what I do?

I started writing way back when I was just a few years old. I couldn’t spell, but I’d pretend to write. And then as soon as I knew how to spell, I started writing notes to other people.

For years, I invested a lot of time into writing notes and letters: thank you notes, notes of encouragement, sympathy cards, pen-pal letters (at one time, I had around 50 different pen-pals from all over the country, and some even in other countries!). I loved to write and I loved to encourage others, so writing notes and letters was a way to combine my two loves.

When I was 15, I started a printed newsletter for young girls as an additional outlet for my writing. I ended up cutting off the subscriptions at 200 total because that was all I could realistically print and process with everything else I was doing at the time! (In addition to the newsletter, I taught violin lessons to around 12-15 students, worked part-time as a waitress, and had weekly babysitting gigs with a few different families in my high school years.)

After I got married and was no longer publishing the newsletter or writing to dozens of different pen-pals, I was itching to write regularly again. And once I discovered LiveJournal in 2004 and then blogging in 2005, it was a natural fit.

I’ve written something for my blog almost every single day since I began blogging in 2005. Because I can’t not write. It’s in my bones. In fact, I always say that if you left me on a desert island with nothing, I’d take a stick and write in the mud. 🙂

How does my writing process work?

Um, writing process? You mean I’m supposed to have a process. Ahem. 🙂 Actually, I suppose I have some sort of process, but it’s not really clear-cut or incredibly organized.

I typically plan out what posts I intend to write for the week on each day of the week on my Google calendar. And then I will sometimes jot down ideas for that post the notes section of that all-day task on Google calendar. Or, if I come up with a post outline while I’m washing dishes or driving, I’ll jot it down when I can get to paper and then type it into a post draft the next time I’m at my computer.

So at any given time, I usually have at least a few posts started and a few posts that I’m thinking on and formulating in my brain. (I often map out posts when I’m falling asleep… I love thinking through the organization and flow of a post or speech and find it also helps my brain to shut down quickly at night!)

I have a sort of prioritized list for my blogging time that I mostly follow every morning: Check email, post deals, answer emails, check comments/Facebook, post more deals, pin deals on Pinterest, do any other extra pressing work, and then work on drafting content pieces.

While I could put the content pieces first, I find that I am better at really focusing on them and enjoy writing them more when I’ve cleared off the other pressing tasks for the day. So I get the pressing tasks done first and then typically work on the content pieces either in my afternoon blogging time or (as in the case of this post) sometimes in the evenings after dinner and Family Time. It just depends upon the day and what works best for our family/schedule that day.

When I write content pieces, I try to shut down all other distractions and just fully focus on writing the piece. If it’s a longer piece, I usually break it up into 2-4 20-minute writing blocks. Once it’s written, I usually proof it, add in photos, and add in links.

Want to know w secret? I rarely sit on finished posts. In fact, I typically hit publish as soon as they are ready… unless it’s a very uncommon sort of day when I have a chance to work ahead on a post for the following day.

Someday, I’d love to have posts done and pre-scheduled days or weeks in advance, but I’m just not there right now and I’ve gotten to the place where I’m good with that. After all, I’m a big believer in doing what works for you!

So there’s a little peek into my writing process. If you’re a writer and/or blogger, I’d love to hear your answers to any or all of these questions. Share the answers on your blog or leave them in the comments!

photo credit; photo credit;

Did you read Tuesday night’s post about How to Find Good Friends? If you missed it, be sure to read it and check out all the amazing comments on it. I learn so much and am so inspired by you all!

One question that people have asked me over and over again after reading that post is: How do you find time to be a friend?

The bottom line is this: I make time because it’s important.

I’m a much healthier, whole, balanced, and cheerful person when I take time to invest in friends. So I make it a priority.

Now, here’s the thing: you can run yourself ragged with social engagements and opportunities and saying “yes” to everyone and everything. That’s not what I’m advocating.

What I am encouraging is that you be intentional to develop a few good, deep, authentic relationships. These will take time and effort, but they will be so very worth it! In fact, I find that — even though I’m more of an introvert — I’m refreshed and encouraged by making friendship a priority.

We need to know that we’re not in this alone. Spending time with others who “get us” and can encourage and build us up will do wonders for our energy levels and motivation.

We need friends who will lift us up when we are down. Who will laugh with us, listen to us, pray with us, and cry with us. And it’s not only life-giving to have friends to do this for us, it’s also such a blessing to be able to do be this kind of friend for others, too!

One thing I did last year was to make a list of what I call my “inner circle” — these are people who incredibly life-giving, truth-telling, and who have gone the distance with me, people who clearly love me for exactly I am and are very committed to our friendship.

I have a lot of friends that I love to hang out with occasionally, but I only have capacity to “go deep” with small number of people. So writing down names on my Inner Circle list really helped me in being intentional in friendships and to solidify in my mind the people that I was committing to be ALL IN with.

By this, I mean people who I will drop everything for, people who I will go out of my way to spend time with, people who I try to spend time with in some way, shape, or form on a weekly basis if at all possible, people I will make every effort to make time to connect with… even if it means business stuff or laundry (or even sleep!) suffers as a result.

This might seem like it would take a lot of time and work — and it does! But here’s the thing: I’ve found that I have so much more energy and zest for life when I make time to connect with people at a deep level at least a few times per week.

This, in turn, fuels my encouragement and my productivity. Time with friends is worth the effort because it keeps me from feeling drained, tired, and discouraged! It’s kind of like a miracle drug, of sorts. On those days when I’m feeling down, calling a friend or spending an hour with a friend can give me just the boost I need to get back up and get going again.

Practical & Simple Ways to Foster Friendship

There will be times when you’ll need to drop everything in order to be there for a friend who is going through a traumatic time, but on a daily basis, maintaining great friendships doesn’t have to take hours and hours of time.

Here are some ideas of ways to foster friendship when you don’t have a lot of extra time:

Text Short Messages — I typically text at least 3-5 friends everyday to just let them know I’m thinking of them and praying for them. This doesn’t take a lot of time, but can mean a lot. Truthfully, I often do this while I’m on the treadmill or waiting in line. I figure I might as well use that time productively to bless someone else!

Invite Your Friend to Join You in Something You’re Already Doing — Headed to the park or the pool with your kids? Ask a friend or two to come join you. Your kids can get some great exercise and have fun while you have meaningful conversation.

Just a few days ago, a friend who lives in my neighborhood texted me to say she was headed to get some coffee and she wondered if she could bring me a coffee, too. I was actually headed to a nearby coffee shop to work for a few hours so I asked her if she wanted to bring her laptop and hang out and work with me. We both were about to get work done and we also got in some great conversation, too!

Write a Quick Email — I often will shoot a quick email to someone to just let them know they are on my heart or to ask how they are doing. Or, if I’ve just spent time praying for them, I’ll let them know that I just prayed for them and what I specifically prayed. This can literally take two minutes to do, but can mean a LOT.

Work on a Project Together — If you have a cleaning, organizing, or cooking project you’re working on, ask a friend to join you and help out. And then make sure to return the favor to them later. 🙂 This can make the time fly, creates fun memories, and will probably mean the project gets done more efficiently.

Talk on the Phone While Cleaning — If you and a friend both have a cleaning project to work on, call each other up and chat while you work on your projects. This doesn’t work for all types of projects, but can work well if you’re scrubbing a bathroom, picking up, sorting, or other similar projects.

Engage on Social Media — Okay, so I know that many people feel like there’s no depth on social media, but I disagree. I love to keep up with my close friends on social media — leaving comments and encouragement and letting them know I care about what goes on in their life. Plus, I’ve found that it’s a great way to be able to have a starting point for conversations when I see them in person — because I have a little peek into what has gone on in their life recently through their posts on social media.

Send a Handwritten Note — The opposite of social media, handwritten notes are almost a lost art. I encourage you to take a little time to write a handwritten note. Whether a thank you note, a birthday note, or even just a “thinking of you” note, getting mail can brighten someone’s day and let them know how much you care.

Really Listen — When you are with your friend, take time to really listen to them — even if you only have a few minutes. Looking in their eyes, asking good questions, and focusing completely on them communicates so much and can really mean the world to someone.

Ask Good Questions — In addition to listening, take time to ask questions. Real questions. Not the “how are you and how’s the weather” kind of questions. But the kind of questions that cause people to be real and honest with where they are at.

For instance, just recently, I was with a friend and I asked how they were doing. When they responded “okay”, I looked at them and said, “You’re not doing well, are you? What’s going on?” This let them know that I really cared and really wanted to know how they were and gave them permission to share a hard struggle they were going through.

Express Appreciation — You can never be too thankful. Tell people often how much you appreciate them and specific ways you appreciate them. Don’t take anyone for granted. Don’t wait to tell someone how they’ve impacted your life. You might not have the opportunity if you don’t take it today.

What advice and suggestions do you have for finding time to be a friend? What are your favorite simple ways to foster friendship?