Money Saving Mom®

Jolanthe from Homeschool Creations shares how she’s encouraging herself to be more efficient and productive:

Whatever the reason, I’ve pulled something back into play the last two weeks to help give me a boost and put a dent in the seemingly mountain-sized pile of things that need to get done before we start back up to school.

A simple timer.

I pull up the timer on my iPod, set it for 20 minutes and go. For me that can mean limiting myself to 20 minutes of something (maybe a quick reading break of one of my books to read in 2014) or giving myself a set time to accomplish a specific task like the kitchen counters. It definitely isn’t to play Candy Crush (cough).

And truly, you all – 20 minutes can put a HUGE dent in a task that needs to be finished. It seems like a small amount of time, but it can break up something huge and make it more manageable. Maybe it’s tackling a larger project 20 minutes at a time. Or maybe that 20 minutes will be all it takes to get it DONE and off your list (and mind). The short time frame is also great for me to stay focused (I tend to be a bit ADD) – so I am able to focus on one task for a short time, and then switch to a different task when that time is up.

Read the full post and see pictures of her 20 minute accomplishments — very inspiring!

Last week, a local blogger graciously invited me to go to a local Wine & Dine Event being hosted by StitchFix.

I’ve wanted to get to know more about StitchFix ever since a number of friends started raving about the service the past year and it sounded like a great way to get to meet some local bloggers, so I accepted the invitation.

And then I realized what I’d done.

What was I thinking?? Introverted me accepting an invitation to spend all evening with a bunch of people I don’t know??

And not only that, but did I mention that StitchFix is a company that sends you a box of clothing/jewelry based upon your fashion preferences?!? When I realized that, I wasn’t just stressed about being in tight quarters all evening with people I didn’t know at all, but then I started panicking over what on earth I would wear!!

Knowing the kind of event it was and who was hosting it, I was sure everyone would probably wear cute cocktail dresses and adorable jewelry. They probably dress like that most all the time and wouldn’t even think twice about what they were going to wear.

Me, on the other hand? I pretty much only wear jeans, t-shirts, maxi dresses, and yoga pants. {Yup, I SUCH a fashionista. Gulp.}

So yeah, I was kind of concerned about what I was going to wear. Adding to the anxiety was the fact that we’d just gotten home from our trip to the SheSpeaks conference the night before and basically everything in my current “cute clothing” repertoire needed to be washed.

{There are blessings and curses to having a minimalist wardrobe! :)}

I realized all of this right before I was supposed to leave… which is never a good thing.

After about 30 minutes of effort, I finally pulled an outfit together that I was happy with, got dressed, fixed my hair, and jumped into the car.

I looked at the time and looked at Google Maps and realized I would just barely make it on time.

Whew! Crisis averted.

I took a deep breath and then saw the gas gauge.

Yikes! I only had enough gas left in the tank to get a few miles. Never mind on getting there right on time, now I was going to have to stop and get gas.

I started to feel all uptight again. And then it got worse as I realized I’ve never gotten gas in either vehicle since we’ve lived here in TN and I had no clue where the best/nearest gas station was.

{I know that might seem really absurd. But want to know a random fact about me? I basically never ever put gas in our vehicles. Jesse always does it for me because he loves to! Yes, I’m spoiled!}

In the process of being so intensely focused on trying to remember where the nearest gas station is to our house here in TN, I made a wrong turn and got stuck in rush hour traffic.

This was not going well.

I finally made it to the gas station only to realize that I’d left my debit card at home. I rarely ever swipe my debit card (I’m a cash-only gal as much as is humanly possible… which is pretty much all the time!), so I didn’t even think to bring it.

But now not having it was going to add even extra time to my already-running-quite-late ticker. Argh!

I ran up to the kiosk to pay, hurriedly plunked down two $20 bills, and waited impatiently for the cashier to finish ringing up my pre-pay gas purchase. Then he looked at me and asked puzzled, “Did you mess with the gas pump? Because the one you’re pulled up to looks like something’s messed up with it and it’s not working.”

For real? I didn’t know whether to cry or shriek at this point. But I held it together while he sent a mechanic out to fix the gas pump.

He was able to fix it quickly, I got the tank filled up, and finally, finally, finally, I was on my way again — by now running almost 20 minutes late.

Truthfully, I sincerely considered texting my friend to back out of the event. I hated to walk in so late — especially because I had no idea what the set-up would be and knew that walking in 20 minutes late could be really rude.

But at the same time, I had already worked so hard to get out the door and on the road, I figured it was too late to turn back now. So instead, I took many deep breaths, prayed for God to go before me and prayed that it would all work out and not be conspicuous for me to walk in late, and then I texted my friend to let her know I was going to be running late.

She was so gracious and told me that it was no big deal at all. I took more deep breaths, prayed some more, found the venue where the event was being hosted, and gathered up my courage to walk in the door, and pretend I’m not an introvert.

The evening was nothing like I expected. Yes, there were many cute dresses and adorable jewelry all around. Yes, the room was packed with mostly people whom I didn’t know at all. And yes, it seemed like everyone else knew most of the others and felt completely in their comfort zone.

In the past, any one of these things would have been enough to cause me to hyperventilate and feel completely awkward and out of place. And at first, that’s exactly how I felt.

But then I remembered my new mantra of fully embracing life, so I forced myself to tune out the voices of insecurity and doubt in my head telling me all sorts of lies about I didn’t fit in this group or that I was an outsider. Instead, I decided to look for someone to bless and encourage.

Guess what? I ended up having a great time! The evening was filled with meeting new people, in-depth heart-to-heart conversations, great food, and lots of laughter. And when the event was winding down, I didn’t want to leave.

I’m so glad I didn’t say no to the invitation, even though it was out of my comfort zone. I’m so glad I didn’t turn around and chicken out when I was running so behind. And I’m so glad I got over myself and my own silly insecurities and awkwardness and chose to focus on other people instead.

I would have missed out on a beautiful and fun evening. Also? The success of how the experience turned out gives me courage to continue to keep stepping outside my comfort zone, to continue to tune out the voices or insecurity, and to remember to focus on other people the next time I feel awkward and out of place.

Since we’ve moved to Tennessee and restructured the way we do life, I will be honest and tell you that it’s been a challenge for our marriage. It’s brought a lot of new issues to the surface and we’ve had many long, hard talks (and yes, some out-and-out arguments) as a result.

As we’ve struggled through together, our marriage has grown and it’s been good. Not easy, mind you, but good. And I know our marriage is going to come out stronger as a result.

Working through these things and not giving up until we find resolution and oneness has made me appreciate our marriage even more. Some days, we might be at odds and frustrated with each other, but because we are both committed to our marriage “till death do us part”, these storms are making us stronger instead of ripping us apart.

If you’re going through a tough time in your lives right now, I wanted to share five keys that have helped us to have a strong marriage — even during the recent storms of life:

1. Stop Coasting

A good marriage doesn’t just happen; it requires a LOT of work and time and effort. Just like you couldn’t expect to build a muscular body without putting in a lot of time weight-lifting, so you can’t expect to have a strong marriage if you’re not constantly building it up.

Make time for your spouse. Go throughout your day looking for ways to build up your spouse, encourage your spouse, and love your spouse. If you’re too busy to invest in your marriage, you’re just plain too busy.

2. Don’t Keep It G-Rated

Seriously, people. You are supposed to be lovers, not roommates. Act like it. 🙂

Look for ways to keep the spark alive. Flirt with your spouse. Whisper sweet-nothings. Think about what you used to do when you were dating, engaged, and newlyweds and bring some of that romance back into your marriage.

Truly, what happens in the bedroom will affect just about every other area of your life. In most cases, if you make romance a priority, it will clear up a host of other problems and issues.

Need some encouragement and practical advice in this area? I highly recommend reading Sheet Music, Red Hot Monogamy, and Rekindling the Romance.

3. Find the Good and Praise It

There are always a host of things we can point out, pick at, nag, and criticize. If we spend all our time focused on that, we’ll be frustrated with how far short our spouse is falling from where we want them to be.

On the flip side, there are always, always, always good things to praise. Become a noticer of the good.

Go throughout your day looking for things to be thankful for about your spouse. These could be little, everyday things or big, major things. The more you focus on the good, the more good you’ll probably see.

4. Ask Forgiveness Often

A good marriage is built around a lot of humility and the ability to say, “I was wrong, will you forgive me?” Those are hard words to say, but they are necessary.

We all make mistakes. We all say words we shouldn’t say. We all respond in anger at times. When that happens, be willing to admit you are wrong.

Don’t stuff things and just try to be extra nice to make up for your short-comings. In addition, don’t blame your spouse. Owning our own mistakes and apologizing for them is the first step in restoration.

5. Learn Their Love Language

While I don’t like to box people into specific categories, every person has a unique love language — the way they feel most loved.

If you’re unfamiliar with the five love languages, they are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. In many cases, you’ll be a mix of a few of these, but you’ll almost always have one that is dominant. If you’re not sure what you love language is, you can take this quiz here (and be sure to have your spouse take it, too!)

Once you know what someone else’s love language is, it really helps you to be able to demonstrate love in a manner that means the most to them. For instance, my dominant love language is Words of Affirmation. It means the world to me when Jesse tells me how much he appreciates me and how proud he is of me. This speaks love to me much more than buying something for me does.

Jesse’s love language is quality time. It’s very important to him that we spend time together and just be together — without me acting rushed or like I’m busy. As a Type A person who does not have the love language of quality time, it’s been a learning experience for me to figure out that just being with him is extremely meaningful to him.

It’s taken us years to figure these things out about each other, but as we’ve put forth effort to learn each other’s love language and to be intentional about expressing it, our marriage has grown much stronger. And it’s been every bit worth the effort!

What are some ways that you have found help keep your marriage strong?

Note: This post was written for couples who are in healthy relationships where both parties love each other and want to work on issues together and personally. If your spouse is abusive, please, please, please don’t hide the abuse out of fear or let your spouse convince you it’s your fault. Get help immediately.