Money Saving Mom®

Passionate Penny Pincher put together the ultimate Aldi, Costco & Sam’s Club price comparison chart. This is super helpful to know where to get the best prices on staple items.

Last weekend, I went to Maryland with my friend Tam to support her as she spoke at the Whole Women Weekend Conference. When Tam posted about this on her Instagram account, comments popped up about what a wonderful and caring friend I was.

As I read the sweet and kind comments from Tam’s followers, I kept thinking in the back up my mind, “But that’s just what friends do…”

We support each other. We have each others’ backs. We rearrange our schedules for each other. Tam has done this time and time again for me and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to get to be on the cheering lines for her this time!

The past few days, I’ve been reflecting on friendship and how this is an area I’ve learned a lot about and grown in during the past five years. And I’ve been thinking about what a blessing it is that I now have these kinds of relationships — the deep, authentic friendships that I craved and prayed for for so long.

As I’ve shared here before, for many years, I craved authentic and meaningful friendships with other women but struggled to develop anything other than more surface-y relationships.

As time went on and I so longed for close friendships and it seemed like not many were happening, I began wondered if something was wrong with me, if I just wasn’t connecting with the right people, or in the right circles.

It took me a long time to realize that these types of relationships are out there, but you have to look for them and work at them. They don’t just happen; they have to be cultivated.

You have to be willing to open up, to make sacrifices, to go deep, to rearrange your schedule, to be vulnerable, and to keep reaching out. After years of praying for safe friendships and learning many lessons along the way, I’m so humbly grateful for the rich gifts of deep friendships in my life that I have with a number of beautiful women.

These relationships didn’t just happen; they were cultivated, developed, and nurtured. I’m a work in progress when it comes to relationships, but I’ve grown and learned a lot in the last few years.

And because so many women have come to me in recent months sharing how lonely they are and how much they wish they could develop deeper relationships, I wanted to share three ways I’m learning to be a better friend.

{These are simple things and I’m barely scratching the surface when it comes to relationship-building in this post, but I hope that these might inspire you to think of ways to further develop relationships with women in your own life and circles!}

1. Show Up.

Sometimes it means sacrifice or rearranging schedules. Other times it may even mean getting less sleep. It might mean setting aside life for an hour or an afternoon to show up: to be with a friend, to call a friend, to drop everything to go sit with a friend who is struggling and just listen.

When you make a commitment to show up, that’s when friendships blossom. With Tam, we have a commitment to see each other every Monday evening. No matter what is going on in our lives, unless we are out of town or sick or some other something that can’t be changed, we show up at the same time every week as families to just be together. As a result, our friendship has flourished.

Showing up doesn’t necessarily just mean being together in person. It could be showing up by texting a friend to ask how she’s doing. It could be sending a card. It could be making a phone call. It could be sending a gift. It could be an offer to help. It could be dropping something on someone’s front porch.

It will look different in different situations. But in every case, it will mean us being willing to open up ourselves — our time, our schedule, our gifts, our hearts — to show someone that we care about them.

2. Go First With Vulnerability.

Be the first to say “what’s going on in your life?” and to share authentically. Sometimes we are fearful of opening up and letting others into the deep, raw, vulnerable places of our hearts and souls.

When you choose to go first with vulnerability, it makes the other person feel comfortable to do the same as a natural response.

Bravery and honesty in relationships are what breeds depth. When we say, “This hurts.” Or, “This is hard.” Or, “I’m struggling.” Or, “Will you forgive me?”

3. Ask Great Questions and Then Listen.

My mom taught me this. She is the most amazing “question asker” in existence. She can have a conversation with pretty much anyone for hours because she knows how to ask great questions.

When you ask questions, it opens up the door for people to share with you because it shows you’re interested. And the most important part is to listen after you ask the question. Wait for a response, and ask a follow-up question.

One thing I like to ask people when I meet them but know very little about them is to say, “Tell me about yourself.” It’s an open-ended question that usually provides enough springboard for me to ask follow-up questions and then really get to know someone.

If you struggle to know how to crack the door into deeper relationships, a few starter questions could be things like: “How are you really doing?”, “What are you excited about right now?” “What is the hardest thing going on in your life?” or “What are you learning right now?” or “How can I pray for you?”

These questions are so much better than just saying “How was your day?” These kinds of questions give you a peek into someone’s heart and pave the way for closer, authentic friendships.

How do you invest in your friendships? What suggestions or tips do you have for ways to be a better friend? Tell us in the comments.

Did you know that I’m doing a daily, LIVE video show each weekday morning around 7:30 a.m. CT? You can watch live, leave comments, ask questions, and interact with me. All in real-time!

It’s so much fun and I just love the personal interaction. Each show is usually 15 to 25 minutes long and I share practical and inspirational motivation to help you begin your day well. I also take a few off-topic questions, tell you about my crazy adventures and mishaps, and give you a little peek behind-the-scenes at our every day lives.

To join us, just download the Periscope app on your device and search for @MoneySavingMom to find my profile and my most recent video. You can choose to be notified each time I go live each morning so that you don’t miss the live broadcasts.

If you miss the live show, you can watch the re-broadcast link any time over the next 24 hours on the Periscope app. I also just set up a Katch.me account this week and all of my broadcasts will be available to watch there, as well. Check it out here.

Today, I want to give you possibly the most important message you will hear this week…

You are enough. Exactly as you are.

You don’t have to be more, try harder, or do more. You are enough.

If you can really and truly believe this with all of your heart, it will change your entire life.

As you probably know, if you’ve been reading here for any length of time, I’m a big believer in owning your own gifts. I think it’s so important that we cheerlead and celebrate each other.

One evening while my four blogging friends were at my house last week, we decided to intentionally encourage each other to pursue and embrace our individual gifts.

We all sat at my kitchen table and went around and shared what our own gifts were. Then, each of us affirmed those gifts and shared other gifts we’ve seen in each friend. It was such a beautiful time of building each other up and celebrating who God has created each of us to be.

When we got to one of my friends, she had a really difficult time verbally telling us what her gifts were. In fact, she said she was not even sure she had any gifts at all. It broke my heart, because when I look at this friend I see so much talent, ability, and potential.

I could also identify, though, because that was me just a few years ago. I constantly felt like I didn’t measure up. I compared myself to others around me.

Break Down The Lies Inside Your Head

I’ve been on a journey the past few years to break down the lies inside my own head that tell me I’m not good enough. For a long time I didn’t want the gifts I had, and I fought against it.

I wanted to be a gifted writer who inspired people with beautiful word pictures. I wanted to be domestic. I wanted to cook and sew and create beautiful things.

But the truth is: When I try to write all artistically, it just falls flat. I can’t seem to figure out how to arrange basic wall-hangings in the rooms of my house. And I am totally not a chef.

You know what? I’m discovering that that is okay.

I have other talents God has given me. I have the gift of encouraging people to pursue their dreams and goals. I have the gift of marketing and strategic thinking: I can look at a situation and pinpoint what needs to be done in order to increase your income. And I’m a communicator — with the gift of taking big picture ideas and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces.

I could waste my life wishing these weren’t my gifts or I can choose to invest my life owning the gifts that I’ve been given. I could fritter away countless hours wishing I were someone else, or I can embrace who God has created me to be.

I want to stop playing the comparison game and instead choose to learn from others and be inspired by their special and unique gifts, and then own the gifts that I’ve been given. Because I’ve discovered that when I own my own gifts, I experience such fulfillment and excitement.

You Can’t Own Your Gifts If You Don’t Believe You Have Them

When my friend finally had the courage to voice a gift she had, it was like a dam broke inside of her. She cried and we cried with her because we were so excited for her to actually believe she had gifts and talents.

And it’s been so amazing to watch how that first small step of voicing her gifts out loud has started her on a journey of now wanting to embrace and exercise those gifts. It makes me thrilled!

The world needs her gifts — and the world needs YOUR gifts, too! But until you believe you have gifts and until you can recognize them as gifts, you can’t own, embrace, or exercise them.

If you are not sure what your gifts are, think about what makes you come alive, what makes you excited, what you love to do. Also, ask people around you to share what gifts they see in you. Often, others can see our gifts more clearly than we can.

I Feel Versus I Am

Recently, I walked into a room to find my daughter staring at herself in the mirror. She started saying, “I’m not beautiful. I’m ugly.”

It broke my mama heart — especially because I think she is absolutely gorgeous and she has the sweetest spirit so much of the time. I told her she may feel like she’s not beautiful, but the truth is that she is beautiful.

We talked about the important difference between “I feel” and “I am”. Sometimes, we might feel like we are not enough or like we are a failure, but that doesn’t mean that we are these things.

I told her that she’s more than welcome to voice how she’s feeling (“I feel ugly” etc.) In fact, I want to know when she’s feeling like this so that I can encourage her and remind her of the truth.

However, I told her that she’s not allowed to say “I’m ugly.” That’s a lie and we don’t allow lying at our house.

Those might seem like strong words, but I want to raise my children with the clear understanding of the truth: they were created for a purpose, they have unique gifts and talents, and there are always going to be voices (real or in our heads) that will try to put us down and make us feel like we’re not enough.

I want my kids to go out into the world equipped and empowered to know the difference between lies and truth and to know how to replace wrong beliefs when they get stuck in their head and make them feel less than.

Because here’s the thing: If you believe a lie long enough, it becomes truth to you and you begin under that lie. You’ll not only think it, but you’ll believe it and you’ll let it cloud everything in life — from your relationships, your friendships, your work, your art, your parenting, and more.

We have to fight for the truth! The truth that says that we are enough. That we have worth. That we have unique stories, unique gifts, and unique perspective. That we don’t need to be more, try harder, or reach a certain milestone in order to be enough.

You are enough — exactly as you are.

Replace the lies you’ve been believing with truths. Embrace who you God has created you to be.

It’s a conscious effort and something you have to do over and over again. But if you commit to replacing the lies with the truth every time they pop into your head, eventually it will become a habit, and the lies will dissipate as you live under the truth.

Own your gifts. Embrace the truth. And watch it beautifully transform your life from the inside out!

What are YOUR gifts? How are you embracing them? Tell us in the comments!