Money Saving Mom®

“You’re only one defining decision away from a totally different life“. Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

We’re currently in the midst of making some life decisions that will potentially have long-lasting implications, so the quote above from Mark Batterson really hit home when I read it in The Circle Maker a few weeks ago.

Decisions can be difficult, especially when you know that they are likely life-defining decisions. They aren’t just “should I have peanut butter and jelly or tuna fish for lunch?” decisions but “how do I want to spend the next 10 or 50 years of my life?” type decisions.

However, oftentimes, it’s the “small” daily decisions that add up to a completely different life. For example:

• Years of daily deciding to stick with your budget instead of swiping a credit card and spending money you don’t have can put you in a position to be debt-free and give generously.
• Months of eating less and working out more can result in a smaller dress size, more energy, and better health.
• Years of investing in and nurturing your children on a daily basis can result in mature, well-grounded adults who go on to lead successful lives.

We all so want to make not just good decisions, but the right decisions. Decisions that we won’t regret for years to come. But how can we know what a right decision is?

Since my husband and I are Christians, we pray for clear direction and peace from God when making decisions and we also seek the counsel of those with experience and wisdom. In addition, there are two questions we ask ourselves that serves as a big indicator when making decisions:

• “Where do we hope to be in five or ten years from now?”
• “Will this decision move us closer toward our goals or further away from our goals?”

It might seem like overkill to ask yourself these questions with the small decisions, but truthfully, as indicated above, it’s often those seemingly small decisions that define the course for our lives. So don’t overanalyze the peanut butter and jelly decisions, but do know where you’re headed and then ask yourself daily if you’re making decisions that are moving you closer or further from where you want to go.

Those little decisions in the day-to-day, add up to a lifetime of difference. Decide well!

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Not too long ago, I was attending an event for online business owners. One of the workshop presenters asked for a show of hands for who was a leader in the room.

In that group of around 100 online business owners, guess how many people raised their hands? About seven people.

The speaker went on to explain how every single person in the room should have raised their hand because we are all leaders in some sphere of life whether it’s as a mom leading her children, as a business owner leading your team, as a blogger or author leading your “tribe”, as a Sunday school teacher leading your class… no matter who you are or what you do, if you’re past about five years old, you are a leader.

My Change of Perspective on Leadership

I understood why very few people raised their hands at that event, though, because I used to not think I was a leader either. In fact, it seemed almost egotistical for me to even consider that I might be a leader in some sense of the word.

But I started reading John Maxwell (if you’ve not read any of his books, you must make that a priority in your life ASAP!), and it transformed my thoughts on leadership. I began to realize that I absolutely was a leader in certain realms.

I’m called by God to lead and teach my children with my husband and God has put a strong calling in my life to lead women by encouraging and equipping them to be better stewards of their time and resources and to live life on purpose.

When I finally owned the fact that I am called to be a leader, it completely changed the way I approach life. Here are three things I’m learning are especially important to be doing if I want to be a leader:

1. I Must Pour Into My Own Life

How can you expect to effectively give out to your children or your class or your team or your readers (whoever it is that you are leading) if you aren’t constantly replenishing your supply? This is why it’s imperative for me to spend time in God’s Word and prayer every day and why I’ve become very intentional about reading good books.

What are you doing to pour into your life and build yourself up to lead in those areas you’re called to lead in? If you can’t think of anything, today’s the day to set a few small goals and start working on them!

2. I Must Surround Myself With Wise Mentors

Just because I now own the fact that I’m a leader does not mean I’ve in any way “arrived”. Oh goodness, no!

I have so much to learn and so far to go. Because of this, I need wise people around me to help steer me, challenge me, motivate me, and correct me.

In the last few years, I’ve been especially intentional about cultivating relationships with those who are more experienced than me in life and seeking their counsel and advice. More than anything, I want to be teachable and willing to learn from others — even when it means admitting that I was wrong and asking for forgiveness (something I have to do so often!).

3. I Must Live a Life of Integrity

A while back, I was in a session at a conference listening to a woman speak on how important it was to be a person of your word. She gave some examples of times in her life when someone had promised her something and then they’d not made good on their promise.

I was challenged by her statements because I know that I have a tendency to make promises to people with good intentions, but then life happens and I don’t always follow through. I was further challenged because I later saw this same woman practice what she preached.

You see, this speaker had said earlier at the conference that she wanted to meet with me. I thought it was a nice gesture, but I knew she had a thousand and one things going on and didn’t really expect a meeting to actually happen.

But, to my surprise, she made good on her promise. In spite of her busy schedule, she invited me up to her hotel room later in the day and we had a great chat together.

You know why I was especially challenged? Because just a few months ago, I’d told someone at a conference that I was available to meet with them at a certain time. At the last minute, something came up and we didn’t get to meet more than in passing.

I later followed up and apologized via email and was able to answer some of her questions through email. However, I know that I disappointed this person by making a promise I didn’t keep. That’s not integrity and that’s not how I want to live my life.

How are you seeking to develop yourself so you can be a more effective leader?

photos from Big Stock

This morning, one of my children started the day by accidentally spilling their entire bowl of cereal and milk all over the kitchen floor.

And it wasn’t just a neat little spill (is there such a thing?). No, cereal and milk were spattered all over the place.

It was not the best prelude to a Monday morning and I wanted to get frustrated over it. I quickly caught myself, though, when I looked into the eyes of this child and realized that the last thing they needed from me was shame. Instead, they needed grace.

I had the opportunity to either speak words that would hurt my child, or bless my child. Instead of venting, I stopped, took a deep breath, smiled, and said, “Here. Let me get you a new bowl of cereal. And let me wipe you up. Don’t worry about the spilled cereal. I’ll clean it up.”

You know what? I felt so much calmer just saying those words. My child immediately smiled and all was well. And it only took a few minutes to clean up anyway.

But lest you think I’m some rockstar mom, let me tell you that I totally failed in this regard just yesterday — and it was over something much smaller than milk and cereal splashed all over my kitchen. I got upset. I yelled. And I said hurtful words.

Words that wounded. Words that penetrated. Words that shamed.

For the rest of the day, some of my family members carried heavy hearts and discouragement as a result of my words. Even though I asked forgiveness, the damage couldn’t be undone.

As was so evident to me yesterday, our words have lasting impact — either for good or for harm. In 25 years, the spilled cereal and milk and the inconsequential things that happened yesterday will long be forgotten, but my words can never be taken back.

My new mantra: “Grace, not shame.” Will you join me?

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