Guest post by Andy Traub of Take Permission
Moms are amazing. I know this because I have one and now I’m married to one. Moms are also universally too hard on themselves. You’re hard on yourselves because the work you do is hard to measure. You constantly feel behind and rarely feel the tangible results of your hard work.
So how can you as a mom make measurable change in your life? How can you make changes that leave you feeling more joy and freedom and less guilt and unhappiness?
1. Be realistic about the results.
If you want to read a book and you haven’t read a book in a year, don’t make a goal of reading a book in the next 24 hours. Set a goal of reading through your book in a week.
Don’t set the same timeline as your friend with one child does when you have four kids. Don’t assume you’re going to build your habit and never skip a day. Assume you’re going to mess up sometimes because you are!
Be honest and realistic. That’ll save you lots of guilt. Guilt is a horrible motivator of long-term behavior.
2. Protect the time to put the change in place.
If you want to build a habit of reading, or exercising, or napping for 30 minutes a day, then look at your schedule for the week and schedule two times each day to complete your goal.
Why schedule two times? Life happens, that’s why! You’ll hopefully make at least one of the times work.
3. Don’t try to do it alone.
We’re all afraid of failing when we try to make changes in our lives. The good news is that fear hates community (I’m pretty sure I stole that line from Jon Acuff). Community brings encouragement and accountability and will help you succeed in putting change in place long term.
Yesterday, Crystal announced a 30-day Early To Rise challenge based upon my book. She understands the power of community. She knows that moms need encouragement every day and community brings that encouragement. Find community when you want to change.
Note from Crystal: The 30-Day Early to Rise challenge begins bright and early tomorrow morning! Are you participating? Leave a comment to commit to the challenge here, if you haven’t already.
4. Give yourself a pass.
You’re too hard on yourself. You’re not perfect. No other mom is perfect (despite what you see her post on Facebook).
When you’re trying to make changes in your life you should expect that you’re going to fail. You’re going to fail because nothing worth anything is easy to do. If it’s hard then you’re on the right track!
Remember that you’re trying to make change, and change is work. Work isn’t easy but it’s worth it in the end.
When you fall of the wagon and you get discouraged remember that you knew it was going to happen! Don’t let temporary setbacks become permanent failure. Everyone has setbacks. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
5. Make joy your goal, not discipline.
Make your goal not to be disciplined, but instead, to be filled with the joy that comes from living the kind of life you want to live. Discipline isn’t a goal I get very excited about, but pursuing a joy-filled life is something I can get out of bed for.
What do you want to change about your life and how can you make the goal more about joy than discipline?
Andy Traub is an first-time author, professional podcaster, occasional blogger, encouraging teacher, doting father and grateful husband. He and his wife, Sara, struggle to stay warm most of the year in Sioux Falls, South Dakota where they live with their three very young children. You can read more of Andy’s writing at Take Permission.
Susan says
I love the last point of making joy your goal, instead of discipline! If I change my perspective, it puts whatever I’m trying to do in the proper light – and focusing on the joy of having an orderly life is so much more motivating than discipline. Love it!
Lisa says
This encouragement is so timely for me. I have a husband, a 9-month-old, and a full time job (not to mention 4 animals!). I never feel like I measure up to what I “should” be able to do (who defines “should?” I don’t know – the fictional perfect mom in my head?). When my husband tells me I’m too hard on myself, I tell him I don’t know any other way to be. I think being realistic is a huge key for me. I also love the idea about making joy my goal. Thank you!
K says
Thanks for the encouragement.
Jessica @Proverbslady.com says
I agree that mom’s are too hard on themselves and it is hard to measure our successes at times. I have to admit though that I’m a little afraid of community! I guess I haven’t had that much luck with mom’s groups or even ladies groups I always feel awkward and out of place and it always seems so competitive. That is something I’m really working on this year to get outside my comfort zone and try to really connect with other mom’s.
Lora C says
Great post!!! Very insightful. Will be adding this to my notebook to help me stay on track and not give up as I work towards my goals.
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
Hi Andy, I loved your points 1 and 2 especially. I set goals every week but pretty often, some of them crash and burn. I used to feel like I failed when I didn’t achieve every little thing on my list but now I can appreciate the progress I did make. And regarding point #2, I need to do this more. I keep wanting to increase my exercise time but for some reason haven’t put time for that on my calendar. (Freudian slip, I’m sure!) I need to do that. Thanks!
Kate says
I also love the part about joy. The bottom line is making my family joyful (and myself as well) ! Thank you. I cannot wait to participate in this series.
Kate
Victoria says
Love this. I pinned it to my inspiration board so that next time I am having a “this is impossible I am quitting” type of day I can reread it and remember to take life one inch at a time and celebrate the inches.
Crystal says
I love that: “celebrating the inches”!
Vanessa says
I love that last part about joy. It really does make a difference when I change what I am focusing on. Focusing on the time I wake up makes it drudgery, but focusing on being able to serve my husband in the morning changes my whole attitude. Thank you!
Shannon says
Making joy your goal and not discipline is enlightening. Discipline is my word of the year to focus my efforts and although I’ve been mildly (very mildly) successful 😉 I needed a new approach so thanks! I think I already feel a little joy from waking up at 5am (after hating it for 10 minutes) this morning and a fresh start to the month. Thanks for the post!
leah says
timely and insightful post. thanks.
Need A Nap2 says
I love the quote “then look at your schedule for the week and schedule two times each day to complete your goal”. What an easy but GREAT concept I’ve never thought of or heard from anyone else!