Money Saving Mom®

“You’re a bad mom,” the anonymous blog comment read. And it didn’t stop there. It went on to detail just how I was failing as a mother and how this person was so disappointed with me.

After I read the comment, I felt crushed and discouraged. Maybe it was true. I started questioning my mothering abilities and quickly began feeling like a big failure.

Before I sunk into a state of utter discouragement, though, I decided I should probably have Jesse read the comment to see if he thought there was truth in it.

After Jesse read the comment, his response was: “That anonymous commentor may be disappointed with you, but they don’t know what goes on in our home. I’m not disappointed with you and that’s what matters.”

This experience reminded me of the lesson I’ve been learning over and over as a blogger. I am always going to disappoint someone. It’s inevitable. As much as I wish I could please everyone all the time, I realize that it’s impossible.

When I say yes to playing with my kids, it might mean that I don’t get as many blog posts written and I disappoint my blog readers. Or, when I say yes to spending time with my husband, it might mean I don’t have time to respond to as many comments from readers as I’d like to get to respond to — probably disappointing someone that I didn’t respond to their question or kind comment.

No matter what I blog (or don’t blog) about or what I do (or don’t do) as a blogger, someone is going to be disappointed.

Some would love me to write more on a certain subject or share fewer of a certain type of post. Some wish I were more real and messy. Others wish I were more perfect and put-together. And just when I think I’ve finally found a way to strike a great balance, someone comes along and says that I’m totally missing the mark.

Whether you’re a blogger or not, you’ve likely experienced the same in your own life. You just can’t please everyone. You’re never going to measure up to everyone’s expectations for you. And no matter what you do, you’re always going to be disappointing some people — usually without meaning to do so.

So what do you do when you disappoint someone? Here are some suggestions I’ve learned from my journey out of living my life as a people-pleaser these past few years (it’s still a journey, and I’ve far from arrived!)

1. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

When you find out that you’ve disappointed someone, don’t immediately do what I did in the scenario above and start berating yourself. This never accomplishes anything good. Instead, nip this in the bud and make yourself think objectively (see step #2).

2. Step Back & Consider Their Perspective

Ask yourself (or a trusted friend or family member): “Is there merit in this person’s disappointment?”

Did you do something offensive that you need to ask forgiveness for (see step #3)? Is this a person who knows you well and has your best interests at heart? Or is this someone who is just making a false accusation?

3. Graciously Admit When You’re Wrong

I make mistakes. I struggle. I fall. I fail. I’m a work in progress and I’m learning right along with the rest of you.

When I make mistakes and it disappoints someone, I want to own up to that, admit that I was wrong, and ask forgiveness. Justifying my wrong behavior and/or pretending it never happened are never the right ways to respond — even if it wasn’t entirely my fault.

4. Determine Your Personal Priorities

What’s going to matter in 25 years from now? This question really helps me to figure out my priorities and what matters most. It also helps me to be okay when I’ve been a disappointment as a blogger if I know that my more important priorities (health, family, relationship with the Lord, etc.) are thriving.

Note: In my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, I talk about how determining my Personal Priorities and creating what I call a “Best Stuff List” has revolutionized my life. It’s helped me to have much clearer focus and given me confidence to say no to things that aren’t the most important priorities in order to say yes to what’s really going to matter years from now. If this is an area you struggle with, I encourage you to order a copy of my book as I think you’ll be encouraged by my journey and the struggles I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned.

5. Stop Living Your Life to Please Other People

You can’t please everyone or make everyone happy. But you can sure exhaust yourself trying.

Wrap your life around your personal priorities, be confident in the things you are called to do, be as gracious as you can, but accept that you will disappoint some people along the way. And that’s okay.

How do you deal with people who are disappointed with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

I keep seeing you put on your goal list to write a love note to your hubby and am curious as to what you choose to write about? -Emily

Since this is one of the most-asked questions on my blog, I figured it was high time I answer it in a post. 🙂

Why Love Notes?

First off, some of you may wonder why I write love notes and am intentional about trying to do it every week. My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and the thing I’ve learned over the years is that a good marriage doesn’t just happen; it’s something you have to intentionally work at.

And you don’t just work at it a little bit and that tides you over for months. No, you keep investing in it day in, day out. It’s work. But it’s oh so worth it.

Writing love notes is just one of the little ways I seek to invest in our marriage on a regular basis. It’s simple, it doesn’t require much time, and it doesn’t cost anything, but my love notes often are a huge boost to my husband’s day. They let him know that I care, that I appreciate him, and that I’m thinking of him as I go throughout my day.

What Do You Write About?

The love notes I write to my husband are about all sorts of different things. There’s no set “right” way to write a love note. What matters is that Jesse feels loved when reading it.

Sometimes they are short and sweet. Sometimes, they are long and mushy. Depending upon what mood I’m in, they might be funny, serious, deep, or goofy.

Can You Give Me Some Examples?

Many women have written in to say that they’d love to write love notes to their husband, but they don’t know what to say. And they feel like they’d quickly run out of things to write.

The sky is the limit when it comes to love notes. Once you start thinking of ideas, I bet you’ll find they are a lot easier to come up with than you think.

Remember this: a love note doesn’t have to be long — and it doesn’t even have to be hand written! You can send a text, type up the note, write an email, or use a dry erase marker to write on your bathroom mirror.

Your method of writing it doesn’t matter as much as the fact that it comes from your heart.

To get you started, here are some suggestions to spark your creativity:

• Thank him for something he’s done for you recently.
• Praise a character quality.
• Reminisce about some adventure you had together.
• Write about something you’re looking forward to doing with him.
• Express gratitude for the everyday things he does.
• Flirt with him.
• Write an acrostic for his name and come up with something you’re grateful for that starts with that letter.
• Create a secret code and write your love note in that code for him to decipher.
• Write a poem.
• Share something you’ve been reading/learning about recently that would interest him.
• Send him a text out of the blue to tell him you’re thinking of him.
• Share with him what you prayed for him that morning.
• For more ideas, check out this post on Creative & Cheap Ways to Say “I Love You”

When you begin to look for things to be grateful for, I guarantee you’ll see things you never noticed before! And your little notes of gratitude and love could mean more to him than you ever could have imagined.

Related: Four Ways to Celebrate Your Valentine — Any Day of the Year!

It’s Day 14 of the 21 Days to a Simple Christmas Challenge and today we’re planning our Christmas Freezer Cooking!

I chose three new recipes to try tomorrow. Here were the three I chose:

Peppermint Brownies

Bake & Slice Chocolate Swirls

Reese’s Fudge

Looking for more Christmas Freezer Cooking ideas? Check out this post.

What recipes are you planning to make tomorrow (or later this week)? I’d love to have you share the links or a link to your blog post (if you posted about it).