“You’re a bad mom,” the anonymous blog comment read. And it didn’t stop there. It went on to detail just how I was failing as a mother and how this person was so disappointed with me.
After I read the comment, I felt crushed and discouraged. Maybe it was true. I started questioning my mothering abilities and quickly began feeling like a big failure.
Before I sunk into a state of utter discouragement, though, I decided I should probably have Jesse read the comment to see if he thought there was truth in it.
After Jesse read the comment, his response was: “That anonymous commentor may be disappointed with you, but they don’t know what goes on in our home. I’m not disappointed with you and that’s what matters.”
This experience reminded me of the lesson I’ve been learning over and over as a blogger. I am always going to disappoint someone. It’s inevitable. As much as I wish I could please everyone all the time, I realize that it’s impossible.
When I say yes to playing with my kids, it might mean that I don’t get as many blog posts written and I disappoint my blog readers. Or, when I say yes to spending time with my husband, it might mean I don’t have time to respond to as many comments from readers as I’d like to get to respond to — probably disappointing someone that I didn’t respond to their question or kind comment.
No matter what I blog (or don’t blog) about or what I do (or don’t do) as a blogger, someone is going to be disappointed.
Some would love me to write more on a certain subject or share fewer of a certain type of post. Some wish I were more real and messy. Others wish I were more perfect and put-together. And just when I think I’ve finally found a way to strike a great balance, someone comes along and says that I’m totally missing the mark.
Whether you’re a blogger or not, you’ve likely experienced the same in your own life. You just can’t please everyone. You’re never going to measure up to everyone’s expectations for you. And no matter what you do, you’re always going to be disappointing some people — usually without meaning to do so.
So what do you do when you disappoint someone? Here are some suggestions I’ve learned from my journey out of living my life as a people-pleaser these past few years (it’s still a journey, and I’ve far from arrived!)
1. Don’t Beat Yourself Up
When you find out that you’ve disappointed someone, don’t immediately do what I did in the scenario above and start berating yourself. This never accomplishes anything good. Instead, nip this in the bud and make yourself think objectively (see step #2).
2. Step Back & Consider Their Perspective
Ask yourself (or a trusted friend or family member): “Is there merit in this person’s disappointment?”
Did you do something offensive that you need to ask forgiveness for (see step #3)? Is this a person who knows you well and has your best interests at heart? Or is this someone who is just making a false accusation?
3. Graciously Admit When You’re Wrong
I make mistakes. I struggle. I fall. I fail. I’m a work in progress and I’m learning right along with the rest of you.
When I make mistakes and it disappoints someone, I want to own up to that, admit that I was wrong, and ask forgiveness. Justifying my wrong behavior and/or pretending it never happened are never the right ways to respond — even if it wasn’t entirely my fault.
4. Determine Your Personal Priorities
What’s going to matter in 25 years from now? This question really helps me to figure out my priorities and what matters most. It also helps me to be okay when I’ve been a disappointment as a blogger if I know that my more important priorities (health, family, relationship with the Lord, etc.) are thriving.
Note: In my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, I talk about how determining my Personal Priorities and creating what I call a “Best Stuff List” has revolutionized my life. It’s helped me to have much clearer focus and given me confidence to say no to things that aren’t the most important priorities in order to say yes to what’s really going to matter years from now. If this is an area you struggle with, I encourage you to order a copy of my book as I think you’ll be encouraged by my journey and the struggles I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned.
5. Stop Living Your Life to Please Other People
You can’t please everyone or make everyone happy. But you can sure exhaust yourself trying.
Wrap your life around your personal priorities, be confident in the things you are called to do, be as gracious as you can, but accept that you will disappoint some people along the way. And that’s okay.
Thank you so much for this post, Crystal! I recently discovered that an extended family member was very disappointed with me. This came after they tried to get me to change the way I parent my kids. Unfortunately, this person is not a believer and disapproves of many of our core values. In the end, they became angry when we told them we were confident in what we ate doing and wouldn’t change. They’ve now gone so far as to spread rumors about us and take instances out of context to make us look bad. While it’s heartbreaking, I need to remember that God can handle it and when I lean into him I can too!
I’m so sorry! {Hugs!} I just stopped and prayed for you.
Thank you!!!
Crystal, you’re not a disappointment, you’re an inspiration. And yes you’re absolutely right – we can’t (and won’t ever) please everyone. In fact it’s a sign of leadership when some people are unhappy with you! Jesus certainly didn’t please everyone – and he made some people downright angry…. all while doing the Father’s (good) work.
Thank you for your courage to continue in spite of sometimes being criticised.
Much love xx
I have written on an index card:
I choose to walk in peace today. I will not be troubled by any real or imagined criticism from others. I will not fear. I will walk in love. I will put God first, family second, others last.
I read this whenever I’m tempted to allow criticism to get me down.
?
Thank you for this post. I am a people pleaser too. It is hard for me to know sometimes when I am doing it until later. Then it hits me. “I did it again.”
When I read someone posted the bad mom comment anonymously, I thought “what a cruel coward”. I believe if someone is going to post such a bold, negative comment, that person should have the guts to use their name. If they don’t have the courage to do that, they shouldn’t comment at all. I encourage you to delete mean-spirited negative anonymous comments without a second thought.
Oh my goodness, I cannot believe you would ever feel like you aren’t doing a good job! I am in awe of all that you have accomplished in your (still very young) life! I struggle with balancing being a stay-at-home mom and always being there for my kids and husband, and making time for myself, or my blog. I look at all that you balance in your life, and the good works you do, and your amazing blog and I think “wow”! (and I also think “what am I doing wrong?”) I’m going to start and apply your suggestions today for getting those lies out of my head. Thank you for such a helpful post! Dana
You (and oher bloggers) need to always – ALWAYS – keep in mind, YOU are SHARING your life with others and that the most important thing is that you’re living your life the best way that YOU know how! You are not living someone else’s life! If someone thinks you’ve made a mistake about how you do something, they can let you know in a kind and loving way and if they don’t, just let it roll off your shoulders and keep doing what you’re doing! If you think maybe they’re right then it’s perfectly fine to try it and see how it works. As long as it works for you and your family! At the end of the day, it’s all about your family. Not mine or anyone else’s. Reading your blog to see what you’re doing from day to day makes me wish you’d been around 45 years ago when I started MY family! I see a lot of things I coulda, shoulda done but there’s a lot I probably wouldn’t have done any different. Now, after 3 great kids and 10 special grandkids, I’m pretty proud of the family I ended up with. That said, I do enjoy seeing what you do!
You need to always – ALWAYS
I enjoyed reading this. There are a few things I have learned over the years…I cannot please everyone, I cannot do everything, and it is important to prioritize according to what is needed at that time in my life. For years, I tried to do everything all the time. After a while, I had overextended myself so much, I was exhausted, and it was affecting my marriage and home. My husband, such a godly, loving man that he is, called my attention to this. He suggested I stop and think about what I was doing. So I did what I know to do…pray and seek the Lord for my answers. This was a turning point for me. Now, life is much easier, more relaxed, and definitely happier. I get more thing accomplished quicker. God bless all of you and have a Merry Christmas!
Replying to Anne’s quote about “good enough”, I remember reading that phrase in one of The Duggars’ books recently. Michelle’s comment revolved around keeping up with cleaning their house, which has to be a monumental task considering how many people live there! She mentioned how stressed she would become if she strove for perfection in that area. It seems like their children (and family) are well-adjusted! Their books have been very inspirational and informative to me.
Wonderful perspective Crystal! You’re a wonderful mother. And I can tell you that just from reading your blog for years. Forget the criticism and remember all the great things people say about you because they are true!
Yes, it’s extremely hard to satisfy everyone and that’s why I don’t do it. If you don’t like me or my blog. Fine. Don’t come back.
Life’s all about choices and I as an individual am the only one who can answer for the ones I make. So I try to choose wisely. Sometimes I screw up and learn a lesson. But that’s why I’m blogging to learn through and share in every beautiful mess!
Blessings!
I understand how criticism hurts especially when it isn’t constructive to help you improve yourself but just someone lashing out. I have run myself into the ground physically trying to please everyone and take care of my home. I learned a long time ago that those long to do lists will never get done and I need to prioritize what I really need to accomplish. House cleaning I limited to the necessities especially if I have to do something else outside of the home. My everyday to do list is much shorter than my to do list if I have more time. I know you cannot please everyone and not one person in your life is going to approve of all your decisions 100% of the time. My husband and I used to be pretty close but over time his priorities have changed and mine remain the same. I really appreciate what you do and any one who can try to give others help to have them avoid the same downfalls is a super mom in my book.
Oh Crystal- my blood boils for you! That’s very convenient that the person said what they did anonymously, because otherwise they might actually have to be accountable for their words.
Been following you for years- you are an encouragement to me in motherhood and marriage, and one of the people who made me want to homeschool my kids (just started this year!). Thank you!!
Great attitude Crystal. You have a mature approach to offences and hurts. This post is a wonderful example of how to handle ourselves when we’re criticized. Number 2 and 3 are lessons God has been teaching me more deeply of late. Each one is a good reminder of how we should respond to critiques. Often someone will tell us a truth we don’t yet see about ourselves and it’s very painful to accept. My prayer is open my eyes and help me see if this is true. If it is then I need to deal with it. If not, then yes! let it go. Forgive your offender and let it go.
What gives any one the right to judge another person solely on what they blog about online? As a mom, I feel that unless people can give constructive criticism, they need to keep their mouths shut and their thoughts to themselves.
Crystal, you are my favorite blogger to date! My husband and I work with the public, so how well I know that you will always have your critics. People that do not like you for the craziest reasons such as: the way you look, your bubbly personality, you seem to have it together, etc. The fact is some people feel the need to bring you down to a level they are comfortable with. Sometimes that is because they are unwilling to deal with their issues and lift themselves higher. The truth is, there are more for you than against you! The majority of people love you and appreciate what you do! They learn from your blog and appreciate your vulnerability. The temptation is to shut down, build emotional walls, and protect yourself. That would help you lose the qualities the majority of us love! So, the best thing to do is keep being the awesome you God made you to be! You are not perfect and neither are we, but you are doing your best to make a beautiful difference in the world and you are succeeding at it! Consider the source, put it in light of all the positive comments you have, learn from it and move on! Never, ever quit being YOU! You have a beautiful spirit and a kind heart. Your love for God is evident and that’s what’s changing lives! Rock on, Little Sister, Rock on! Every person that’s ever made a difference did it inspite of their critics!
I am sorry that someone left a negative comment like that here on your blog. 🙁 You are always full of compassion, encouragement, and grace. From reading your own testimony, I know the Lord has brought you to that place. Thank you for your positive and encouraging attitude! It’s a breath of fresh air. 🙂
I find it hard to believe you disappoint anyone. You are my favorite blogger… I read your blog everyday. I think you are an amazing mother and I wish I could be more like you. Thanks for all that you share with your readers, it truly is a gift.
Wow, you surely hit the nail on the head here…how does anyone EVER EVER EVER please anyone else 100% of the time anyway? At age 61, I have not been able to please another person 100% of the time. I was able to please my mama most of the time however and her mama and papa…that anyway!! Ya gotta have a few who believe in you. And of course, GOD is the main one we need to be conerned about as to whom we please. Because I have learned in pleasing HIM, often you won’t please other humans. You just do what is right, trying to consider all the facts in a situation. I certainly would never worry what people said to you on here, dear…this is nice, but real life is so much bigger than anyone could ever put on a blog!! If you are pleasing to your husband, you are doing well indeed!! And I advise my married daughter about your age, to keep some gal friends too…there are many things to chat with and discuss with a girl pal that guys simply are bored silly or could care less in their worlds. I think it is a mistake for a woman to ever think a man will provide all the companionship she will need in life. Our mate and children do need to come before others, but there is still room for some besides them too and we do need them!! My suggestion is to simply block this anoymous person from being able to get on here. There is never a need to bother others like that, never!!
It’s easy to disappoint others especially around the holidays 🙂 It’s all about perspective though so although something may seem insignificant to you could very well be very important to another. So trying to look at other’s perspective is key in my opinion.
I’m not a blogger, but I read your blog and LOVE it! I also recommend it to others. My best friend now loves your blog. Yes, we like freebies and deals, but we read your blog because of the great advice, your sincerity, honesty, and love for Christ. Even though you are younger than me and your kids are younger, YOU are who I look up to. You inspire me to be a better mother. Keep it up, Crystal!
Oh, you are so very sweet! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Great stuff! I was recently bashed on facebook for a comment that I made to someone. The comment meant something else to me but this person blew it up and the post of facebook was personally devastating to me even though it was anonymous. Thank you for this encouragement today!
I very rarely comment on websites but felt compelled to in response to this topic. You seem to me to be a very compassionate, involved with your family and community person and I cannot see what would prompt someone to be disappointed in you. In my experience ( I am 64) I have found that people who are disappointed in someone are most likely disappointed in themselves for various reasons. It has taken me a long time to come to this realization and not be upset if someone does that to me. I enjoy very much receiving your emails and look forward to what you have to say and also see what is going on with your family. Your children seem very well adjusted and you seem to have a good relationship with your husband. Just wanted to tell you this and to keep doing what you do and realize, as I think you do, that you are most definitely not going to please everyone.
Honestly, it’s myself that I am always disappointed with; I wish I were friendlier, skinnier, and less grey. I go to bed every night feeling like I’ve failed my children and my husband and my Lord, random strangers on the internet, and probably my in-laws too.
But I’m just not perfect. Not even half the time. I’ve been trying to ease up on that internal critic lately and I think I’ve been sleeping better. 🙂
Unfortunately people are judgmental and can really say some thoughtless cruel things. God knows your heart and really He is the only one we have to please. I enjoy your blog and have found it helpful in many ways. I know first hand what it is like to disappoint someone and hurt them deeply. The only way I was able to deal with it was to face it head on and admit my mistakes, ask forgiveness and give forgiveness.
Of course they commented anonymously… people like that hide behind a screen.
Every mother has a different way to make their family work. That’s why it’s your life and your family… it works for you.
You post a ton of great ideas and what works for your family… so much of what you give is free- coupons, freebies, advice, crafty stuff. I’m so grateful!
If people don’t like your blog, go somewhere else. But it seems like you have a lot of people who love you blog! I do! Thank you:-)
The reader’s comment is not a reflection of you but rather, a reflection of what is going on in their own heart.
The reader’s comment is not a reflection of you, but rather, a reflection of what is going on in their own heart.
When someone is critical of me in that way, I always think to myself, “Is there truth in this?” Often, there is not. But the second thing I always think is, “Is this something I would say to someone else?” Often the answer is no. When people are critical in hurtful way, they may be trying to point out your flaws, but all they’re really doing is pointing out their own. They are telling the world (or at least you) that they are the kind of person who would rather tear someone down than lift them up. When I remember that, it changes my heart and allows me to feel an increase of love for them, because most people don’t tear others down unless they feel insecure about something. So I simply pray that they might find peace with whatever it is that they are struggling with, and that the Lord might help them to find other ways to vent their frustration without taking it out on other people.
It sounds like you have a very good handle on the situation. You definitely have to develop a self-protection plan as a blogger, because whenever you put yourself out there in a big way, you are bound to get people who are waiting to tear you down. I have been called an “idiot” myself on my blog, among other hurtful things, and it’s sad that people feel the need to do that. We must pray for them! 🙂
True in every part of our world…nicely done
I don’t see how someone that doesn’t even know you on a personal level could judge your goodness or badness as a mother. It isn’t their place to even try. Your husband and children are the ones that would know if you’re meeting their needs or not, doing what mothers are supposed to do. You love your children and that is what it boils down to. Many people can’t stand to be around their children. They are the ones that would be bad mamas in my opinion.
I am sorry that someone hurt you like that.
Also, I wanted to let you know that I put your book image on my blog sidebar and I tweeted your book, too. Best wishes to you!
Merry Christmas!
Crystal–Whenever I talk with someone new to saving money and couponing, I always forward your blog and tell her this is my favorite. You’re doing a great job!
You are so gracious! Negative, hateful people will find something wrong with EVERYTHING. I’m honestly amazed you read your comments because I couldn’t. I can probably guarantee you have never written a blog post where out of the 100 comments saying your advice is great or you helped them in some way, one person will find a way to say something negative. It’s got to the point where I rarely ever read comments on anything because the negativity is excruciating. I just want to give you a big hug because that one person probably ruined your whole day and they didn’t deserve the benefit of you contemplating whether they were right. Your husband is right – only we know what goes on in our homes and it’s unacceptable for others to make comments on their assumptions.
I can’t imagine how anyone could think that you’re a bad mother. And posting a comment like that anonymously is just cowardly. Some people feel the need to criticize others in order to feel better about themselves.
I’m so sorry to hear about the comment you disappointed some reader. I love your blog and think you are AWESOME. You are one of my favorites and you have thousands of other people you love you just like I do. Keep on fighting the good fight, sharing your thoughts and being the best you can be. Love always 🙂
Hi Crystal! I have been following you for a long time and admire all you do and what you have accomplished. For someone to have the ignorance to critique your ability as a mom is someone who is doubting her own skills. There will always be those “people” who try to make someone to feel bad to feel better about themselves. It’s like the lonely bully in school who nobody likes. Say a prayer for them, never doubt your skills especially as a mother and continue on! You are fantastic! You have helped me become a better mom in many ways!! 🙂
I believe that if someone will not give their name on a comment, then that is an irrelevant post. If you will not stand behind what you post, why post just to belittle someone. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you through your blog. We are all human and are doing our best to walk through this life and raise our children as best as God has equipped us. Yes, some days are downers, but do not give ANONYMOUS the power to alter your perception of life. May God continue to bless you and your family, and thereby the rest of us who read your blog. Merry CHRISTmas!!!!
Crystal I think you are an excellent mom from the things I read on your blog. I have been following for about 3 1/2 years now. I am a new mom, and the things I read from your style of parenting, homeschooling, and simplistic living have been a huge encouragement to me and the way I want to parent. Thank you for what you do and write. You are making a difference in so many lives! God Bless you and your family!
God simply wants us to be just! Simply put when we strive to do what is just we will never be in want of anyone’s accolades we will have served our Lord first and blessed those around us in all humility and sincerity. You should know that your humility, love, wisdom, and generosity have been a huge blessing and that many of the things you have shared have been like sweet little seeds that have beautified the garden of our family. Thank you for that. Jesse is right that we don’t know your family and judging I think would only lead to misery. I love that you encourage your readers to be rooted in true love. He who is just judge will have the final word for us all. Have we really loved with everything we have? It’s sure worth praying for and reaching for! For all the ways you’ve been a personal inspiration I give you your due in gratitude.
I work full-time from home and go to law school at night. My husband and I welcomed our first daughter just 3 weeks before finals during my first year of law school. I had a c-section and was back at school 6 days later. Needless to say that I’ve been criticized for my feeding choices, my weight gain, taking too much time off, not taking enough time off, for not spending more time with my daughter, criticized for our purchases, guilted for enjoying my time at school, and guilted for accepting help from my husband. Criticism should always be taken with a grain of salt. Examine the source, examine the soundness, and see if there is anything you can learn from it while discarding the rest. Often times you will find that criticism is a reflection of peoples own envy, insecurities, and personal issues. Sometimes you will gain valuable insight that can help you adjust and grow in every new stage of your life. The hard part is learning to distinguish between these, and your pointers certainly help 🙂
Crystal, anyone that thinks you are a bad mom or feels fine to criticize you, clearly doesn’t know/understand what they are talking about. I don’t know you, but just from reading your blog, I know that you are a great mom in all the areas/priorities that matter to your kids & family. Your goals alone demonstrate that, not to mention all other things you write about. Don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself, the truth is in your children’s smiles.
I find all your tips very helpful for my life-another thing I’ve been doing this year is I wrote a “mission statement” as a mom and as a family-and when things like this come up I read that mission statement and this helps me put it all into perspective (goes with #4 personal priorities)
Work in progress:)
Love your blog, it’s the only one I read on a regular basis. I don’t usually post comments, but after reading this post I wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience(s). Great advice and it truly is appreciated.
Dear Crystal,
I am so sorry that the anonymous person wrote that to you. I’ve been reading your blog for the last 4 years. After having followed you for that long, I know that you didn’t post this story to get anyone to toot your horn but instead to encourage all us moms who sometimes have people say ugly things to us. Thank you for your transparency and openness in your blogging. Your perspective might not be valued by everyone and you are ok with that. Keep up the good work!!
It’s always hard knowing I’ve disappointed someone…probably because I have such a perfectionist personality!
Goodness, the things people say when they’re able to be anonymous! (Though I do like being able to comment here, rather than having every Facebook friend see what I’ve written!)
As a pastor’s wife, I’ve been burned too many times when I’ve allowed personal information to get “out there.” (Really, what normal person has their confidential conversations shared with their husband’s BOSS?!?) But I’ve also come to realize that the opinions that matter are God’s and the ones that reside in my own home. Plus the friends who love me enough to tell me the truth when I get off track.
I love your site, and I’m grateful that you’re willing to share personal stories along with all of the money-saving tips. Thanks for all that you do, and keep up the amazing work!
My Grandfather once told me “People are going to talk, it’s a fact of life, you can either give them the power to get to you or look at it the way I do. If they’re talking about me they are giving someone else a break!” That made sense to me and from that moment on I no longer worried with what people thought or said about me. I was a teenager then and am now 45 years old and have lived my life for me every since.
I don’t understand why someone would waste some of the very little precious time we have on earth putting someone else down or spreading negativity! There are several times I don’t necessarily agree or like something someone wrote or did on a blog or youtube video and I just chose to not leave a comment on that blog or video unless it’s something constructive. I just don’t understand the down right mean things like saying someone is a “bad mom”. Treat one another like you would want someone to treat your loved ones. Words hurt! You are human Crystal and do a wonderful job! Thanks for the post!
I know that I don’t know you personally, but I think you are a wonderful mom! And a wonderful person overall…reading your blog for so long, I can see what a kind and generous person you are 🙂
Unfair criticism is so hard to take, especially from anonymous people. I’m still working on dealing with this myself, having been hurt by comments from some relatives. I found a lot of comfort in Mary DeMuth’s book “The Wall Around Your Heart.”
Crystal,
I would just like to say that you are a true inspiration to me! I have given up checking my Facebook newsfeed this week and have the house in order again! You are so encouraging in not just financial means, but spiritual and family togetherness! I need to tell you this because I feel like you need to know!
A fan in St. Louis!
Well, I live for God, my family, then myself – as long as I have not disappointed any of them – I consider life to be good. Others can just get over it or do some self-examination on their end. Life is too short to be tip-toeing around others just for the sake of tip-toeing and not upsetting others because they are overly sensitive or narrow minded. Of course, this sentiment is coming from the baby of the family. I have been like this my entire life and those in my close circle of family and friends understand me. Not to say that I will not apologize if I am in the wrong, but you cannot possibly please all of the people all of the time. And I try not to borrow trouble by worrying on the time.
it doesn’t matter who you disappoint so long as you are trying not to disappoint God-it is like the saying don’t hate someone because they sin differently than you. We all have trials and troubles and we all react differently. No one knows all the issues you face, so don’t let them get you down. I enjoy your posts very much
Whenever somebody who doesn’t know you says you’re a bad person, you can pretty well bet it’s them that’s the bad person! Who does that, anyway?!
Its easy for people to hide behind a computer screen. Its gives them a false sense of security. Shame on anonymous. We are all doing the best we can, and the only opinions that matter are those of ourselves and those closest to us who must live with our decisions.
I can’t wait to read your book… will it be available for kindle? I’ve been finding myself more and more, admitting I’m stuck in survival mode, doing what must be done just to get through this day, only to do it all again tomorrow. I was widowed five years ago, and I have a new love in my life now but I’m so overwhelmed. Over the past year and a half I’ve gotten custody of my two stepsons, my deceased husbands children, and their little half sister, bringing us up to seven children between four and nine years old. People call me a saint, supermom, and other the life, but all I feel is overwhelmed and guilty because I know I am not any of those things. I’m just doing what I have to do to get through each day. Every day.
I am so very looking forward to your book 🙂
As a blogger, I’ve had my share of negative comments and they can really hurt, especially when people get personal as they did in your case. It’s frustrating because you know that these people who try to tear you apart don’t know you the way they think they do. You gave some great advice here for dealing with those kinds of situations.
For what it’s worth, I’m honestly shocked anyone would say something like that about you or to you. Makes me think that person was having a bad day and decided to try to drag you down with them. I only know you from reading your posts on this blog, but you’ve always struck me as such a kind and loving mother, and you’re always inspiring me to be a better mother, person, wife, etc. with your posts. Keep up the fantastic work!
I think it’s important with any comment like that to ask “why is this person saying that”. What is their intention and is it constructive criticism? I don’t think telling anyone that they’re a bad mom is constructive so their intentions are not good. That tells me that what they are feeling about themselves is coming out as word vomit. Misery loves company. How would someone know if you’re a good or bad mom anyway if they don’t know you? I’ve never met you but what is obvious to me by following your blog is that your priorities are in order. God first, family second, work last.
They need to look at the plank in their own eye before they look at the speck in yours. Hugs to you!
You can’t please everyone and that anonymous commenter should really be ashamed of themselves! If they firmly believe what they said, why don’t they put their name to it in the first place? And why criticize someone else for their shortcomings instead of trying to help? What is so great in their life that they want someone else to feel bad? It speaks volumes about them and less about you.
Keep on doing what you do! I love your blog and won’t feel disappointed if you take time to do other stuff!!
Some people should just get a life!!
I just can’t believe someone would say “your a bad mom”. I can’t even understand what you could say that would drive someone to say that. I’m so sorry!
You’re blog (and your spirit) is such an encouragement to me. It’s sad that anyone would leave negative, unkind comments, but I don’t think that would happen in person. People become quite brave when they’re hiding behind a computer screen. 😉 I’m glad that you are able to overcome these moments of hurt because you are such an encouragement to so many and have a beautiful ministry here. Thank you for all you do, and Merry Christmas to you and yours! 🙂
Whenever I disappoint someone — or get chewed out, as if I did — I ask, “Did I do the best I could on this [whatever]?”
That, to my mind, is the big question. God didn’t demand that we be perfect — He just asks that we try our best. If the answer is “yes,” then you forgive yourself, and thank God for helping you stay on course.
If it’s not deserved, then the best thing to do is put it aside and go on. Life’s too short to waste on people who enjoy being petty and mean.
This post may be of help:
http://midlifefinance.com/2013/07/7-ways-triumph-over-difficult-people/
This is an excellent post. I struggle with fear of disappointing someone nearly every day, but I realize it and am trying not to beat myself up so much. As women, we put a lot on ourselves and are stretched pretty thin with our time and commitments. I’ve found I have to prioritize, and with that, inevitably, there isn’t time to devote to everything and everyone. I have communicated this to extended family members, who have been critical of me over recent years because I don’t live up to their expectations in some way. Some people will never be happy with the decisions you make, the way you spend your time, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them. So I’ve learned to focus on what’s most important to me, which is Christ, my husband and daughter, my work, church service, volunteering. Friends and other family members fit in too, but only after I’ve devoted sufficient time to the higher priority stuff. When my daughter is older, priorities will change. But for now, I cannot shift my focus from my priorities to accommodate every person in my life. It is simply not possible and would not be a very happy fulfilling life if that is what you strive for.
You are a great mom!!! You do so much with those kiddos of yours!! You seem like Super Woman with all that you do for your family and your job!
I love that even though you were upset you turned it into a great post that inspired other people to think positive!!
Your blog is my absolute favorite blog (I read quite a few daily). Keep up the GREAT work!!
You are not even obligated to take this person’s disappointment into account. It was a bizarre, mean, unbalanced thing to do. However. It was a brilliant, very adult way of getting it into perspective.
Please never take anything like that personally. We are strangers. And Jesse was totally right.
If it helps at all, I happen to think you are a wonderful mother. You don’t know me, but you have brought more happiness and helpfulness into my life and I thank you for working so hard for all of us.
Hugs 🙂
Crystal, I’ll be sharing this segment with the ladies in my faith based job networking group. This is one of the best articles I have read on your site this year. And for a way to deal with criticism and to learn from the experience, I recommend reading “The Four Agreements” and “A Complaint is a Gift”. Both offer a unique perspective. Thank you for providing guidance, encouragement and value to your reader’s lives.
“It” being your article! I think using this hurtful, unfounded criticism for such honest self reflection shows your depth and strength of character. Sorry for being confusing, my 8 month old is teething and no one here is sleeping all that well. 🙂
Thanks for writing this! After some harsh criticism earlier this year, I struggled with how to respond. I withdrew from many relationships and social media as I reexamined my life. Time has helped to ease the hurt of those words, but I’ve had to realize a lot of the points you made above.
Also, I’ve been following your blog for almost 4 years, and I’ve never thought you were a bad mom. If anything you inspire me, and other moms, to be better moms ourselves.
I’m so very sorry you received harsh criticism. 🙁 {Hugs!}
I’m sorry someone would write such unkind words to you. So to that I write THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO!!! I can’t tell you how much this blog has helped me since I started reading it daily in 2011 when things were at a really low point. I appreciate the time you take to fill thing website with information that has helped alot of people. Merry Christmas! Your kids are lucky to have a great role model!
Thank you so very much for your sweet encouragement!
The parables about sowing and reaping in the Bible have changed the way I feel about people pleasing. I know I am expected to prayerfully sow good seeds to the best of my ability & that often God does not give me the responsibility to nurture and harvest what I’ve planted. Offering encouragement to a stranger, prayers for a loved one, forgiveness, etc. These things I try my best (in my limited human capacity) to sow, but those things alone cannot change a person or a situation. That is up to God. I am not concerned with whether my sowing makes them think ill or well of me, because their opinion of me is not what I hope to affect. So on this blog you sow, and in your life you sow, and that is the extent of your authority, and mine. We hope our efforts will have a positive effect, but it is not in our ability to make that happen. Some seeds fall on fertile soil, and others fall on rocks. But we are only tasked with the sowing 🙂
Hugs to you! Your kids are exceedingly blessed to have you!
What great perspective! Thank you for sharing!
Honestly, if I was a blogger and someone left me that comment anonymously, I’d probably just ignore it. There are so many haters on the internet who will find fault just to find fault and bring you down because in some demented way it makes them feel superior. It’s all subjective anyway. People who read your blog see a *slice* of your life. Unless they’re in your household, they have no business judging. Nobody’s life is perfect, no matter how great the photography or works make it look! Just keep doing what you’re doing. Your family appreciates it, which is the most important thing. As a reader, I appreciate the tidbits I pick up here and there. Not all of it is going to be relevant to me, but I take what is and move on. So thank you for sharing!
Wow, I’m sorry to hear that someone would write such unkind words to you! I can only say THANK YOU SO MUCH
I appreciate your honesty and how you share so much with all of us!!
Just wanted to let you know that you have been an encouragement to me! I love how you focus not just on saving money but getting our priorities straight and being realistic. You also are not afraid to show when you mess up, and I hope that will not change, nobody is perfect and you have no problem sharing that! 🙂 ps have you read this lately 😉 www.https://moneysavingmom.com/2012/01/comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy.html
I need to read that post often! Thank you for the reminder to go re-read it! And thank you for your kind encouragement!
There are plenty of bad moms out there: Abusive moms, absent moms, selfish/self-destructive moms. You are none of these things. You are not a bad mom.
Along the lines of number 4, one of late momther’s favorite sayings, was “will this matter in the realm of eternity”. It really helps put things in perspective when you look beyond the moment.
Yes! What great perspective!
As a long time follower of your blog and a mom with grown children I have always been impressed with your mothering and how you juggle it all. I have seen you be mature beyond your years in situations where I would not have been so gracious at your stage in life. Keep on doing what you are doing because you are doing a great job!
You are incredibly kind, Lana! Thank you for the source of inspiration and encouragement you are to me constantly. I’m grateful for you!
On any given day, we are all “bad moms”…. everyone messes up and makes mistakes. I often feel that I am not doing the absolute best I could for my kids, job, husband, etc. But the very fact that you read the comment and took the time to be sure you weren’t a “bad mom” means that you aren’t! You are an awesome mom and looking for any opportunity to improve. I find you very inspirational and thank you for sharing times like this as they are indeed bolstering to others!
Great post Crystal, well said! I struggle with this, too, so this is a great reminder!
I love your blog and think you do a wonderful job! I’m glad you are trying not to let anonymous commenters get you down. And honestly, I can’t believe that someone would say all those things and then stay anonymous. If someone has something to say, they should say it in a productive, gentle way and own up to it. Shame on them.
Keep up the great work, and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
I wish I were as good a mom as you are. I can’t imagine anyone calling you a bad mom!
This post is so timely! Christmas parties with extended family can bring lots of love, laughs, and criticism from well-meaning and not so well-meaning family members. Thanks for reminding us all how to put it into perspective!
Great points! I tend to take criticism from complete strangers way too personally, but I’m learning to handle it better.
One thing that amazes me is that we tend to dwell on the negative criticism way disproportionally to all the many positive compliments. I recently got my first really upset and insulting customer on Etsy. I cried and worried and let myself feel worthless and question everything I was doing. Then I realized that out of over 600 sales this was the first time a customer really had something negative to say. I have lots of positive reviews, have had many people message me to tell me how much they love their product, but I was doing nothing but dwelling on the ONE piece of negative criticism I had received.
Yes, this is SO true! Thank you for the great reminder… and I’m so very sorry that you got that insulting comment on Etsy. 🙁
I am so sorry you were hurt that way. I think you do an amazing job of balancing everything. I love how you are transparent and real with your readers. As a mom of grown children and retired homeschooling mom, I love the glimpses of your life. When I am hurt by others or they are disappointed in me, I pray. I really try to follow what God wants me to do and if I do obey Him then everything else is good. Being in God’s perfect will is the best place to be. The only place to be. I know, from your blog, you seek His will and try to obey Him so rest in that. Your hubby and heavenly Father delight in you and I can tell from the pics of your kids, they delight in you also. You inspire me daily to put life into proper perspective and to follow Him and only Him. Thank you Crystal. Enjoy your family during this extra special time of year.
Thank you for your sweet encouragement — and for pointing me heavenward!
Thank you so much for this insight! I gave up on living for people, people have criticized me for being me. I survived a domestic violence relationship of 5 years when I was 19, I later remarried and have a wonderful husband and daughter. I served 20 years in the Army Reserves, traveled and retired. I give my all in anything that is tasked for me to do, whether at work, home or church. I know when we do things, we do it for God’s glory. I have shared your blogs with people from my church and friends, I appreciate everything you do. Please know, your work is not in vain, as long as it touches lives, brings someone to know the Lord, or encourage, you have done your best for his Glory.
Crystal, I have been encouraged and inspired by you and your blog for five years now and you have made me a better steward of time, finances, and family. Thank you for setting such a beautiful example for me and so many others over the years. Also, I have learned that when another person is showing continuous disappointment with me, sadly it can indicate an area of disappointment in their own life and I have merely become the outlet for them. I am sorry you were forced to examine whether this anonymous reader’s comment was warranted, as I can tell you in the five years of following your blog you have never disappointed me or my family…only extremely enhanced it.
That is very true! Thank you for sharing!
People standing behind the “anonymous” on the internet are cowards and their opinions aren’t worthy of your time or consideration. You’re right. Your satisfaction comes within and from the faith and love in your life.
Crystal,
I absolutely needed to read this today! I haven’t blogged in about a week, due to feeling like I disappointed someone and consequently, myself.
You are such an inspiration to so many!
All we are called to do is whatever God has set before us to accomplish. No one else matters, if we’re focused on HIM.
There will always be Nay sayers. Like your husband said that person doesn’t live in your house. That person doesn’t know your kids. Let me put it this way. If i followed someone else views on my life I would have aborted my son. In his thoughts, I was just going to be another black single mother with a child who will have behavioral issues cause his father isn’t around. Granted at the time the man said it to me it wasn’t true. I was with my son’s father and he was there in the delivery room. And even though I was a single mother a short time later. My son’s father is apart of his life.
Are families are not meant to live how others see fit. You know your kids are happy, healthy and loving little people. That is because of you and your husband. What does this disappointment reader bring to your table and offer. NOTHING! If we let others affect our families, then we are really disappointing ourselves. As a single mother I found your blog inspiring. I have worked to use some of your ideas in my own household.
{hugs! Debbie} I am so sorry that you are dealing with discouragement. I just prayed for some encouragement and blessing to come your way today.
So sorry that someone said something so hurtful to you. I think at times when you follow a site on the internet, you feel like you know that person. I have never felt any negativity towards you or your site. It is unfortunate that people can’t keep their negative comments to themselves. “If you can’t find something good to say, don’t say anything at all.” There is a poem that I absolutely love that ends with “you will never forget how someone made you feel”. And it is true. Throughout my life there are people and comments they have made that even though I am not dwelling on them, they still come to mind now and then.
Instead, I think a person should pass around a few positive comments every day! Because you might make someone’s day and they will never forget how you made them feel:)
Dear Crystal,
Thank you for your wonderful blog. I am a few years younger than you are, but you have so much wisdom that I need to learn! Thank you for keeping your blog Christ honoring. I do not have to worry what will come up on the screen when my husband is in the room. That is such a huge blessing to me.
No one has the right to criticize your mothering skills. Especially since the person decided to remain anonymous, I would not pay attention. I know it’s not easy. I have been a people pleaser for almost my entire life, and it’s difficult and not rewarding at all.
Not everyone realizes that working from home is still work. Some people think it’s easy money, and it’s not. I know from experience.
You write quality articles with quality pictures, and that takes time. I know because I used to edit and put together an alumni paper. Even though I did not write most of it, I compiled it and tried to make it look good, and that alone took hours.
As far as how clean you keep your home, that affects how you feel. A lady with whom I used to work said her mom expected her to pick up her room when she was young. The reasoning behind it is that when you wake up to a messy room, you will be stressed and crabby. Everyone has a different standard to how clean a house should be. I don’t like clutter either, but some people do.
Thank you again for being a blessing to tens of thousands of people.
Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family!
Thank you so very much for your kind encouragement. And merry Christmas to you, too!
My what a sweet way to handle someone who’s not being kind! You replied on your post just wonderfully. You know I have followed your blog post for quiet sometime now and I have never found one thing offensive or unjust! You are so kind and your family -well they are just lovely. I am a stranger and I know these things just by all those wonderful post! Sometimes not pleasing everyone is a good thing. Just because their toes got stepped on- does not mean you have done wrong. Most of the time when I encounter such a problem I find in the end it is jealously! Please keep up the great work and do not worry about this at all! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family.
Ironically, as I was doing my Bible memorization this morning (currently Phillipians, but I am the person who commented previously about memorizing the first 3 chapters of Romans), I was thinking of you. I don’t even know you and can’t remember how I first came across your blog, but I have a feeling we would be friends in person if we lived near one another. We are in much the same stage of life too (have three kids about the same age–homeschool the oldest in K this year). I have so appreciated your continuation in your very busy life (I know where you are and then add the blogging job on top of it all) to the Bible memory. My last several Bible memory partners have bailed and it is so much harder to do it on my own. So be encouraged that God sent you to mind this morning as a faithful witness to HIM, not even knowing you were going to write this post…and even funnier since we really dont even know each other!
Aw, your comment meant so much to me! Thank you for how you inspire me with Scripture memory!
I love your blog! You are one of my favorite bloggers. Thank you for all your hard work. Your posts encourage me.
I love this article!!! So true that you can’t please everyone all the time – family does come first!!! I have found though that if a friend does feel I have wronged them, whether I have or haven’t, be the peacemaker, a sincere apology can fix things instantly. Thank you for this great post!!
I am so amazed at how you handled that difficult situation. I tend to overreact to criticism and totally internalize it without considering the possibility that it might not be true or warranted. My reaction would have been, “Someone hates me and I’m a terrible person” (even that’s not at all what they said). Thanks for giving me a new way to think about situations like this. Disappointment is a totally different way to think about it than the way I normally would. While it’s not fun to think that you’ve disappointed someone, it’s better than jumping to all sorts of other conclusions. Plus, it reflects more on the “relationship” between the two of you rather than on you, alone, as a person.
Blog comments often speak volumes to the character of those who write the comments. I almost feel sorry for a person who writes a judgmental statement and posts it anonymously. It’s cowardly and insensitive. When I get comments like that, I read Teddy Roosevelt’s Arena Speech. I love your blog and I’m not even a mom! Thanks for putting yourself out there!
At this stage of life I realize that success is disappointing the right people.
I had a newsletter subscriber harshly criticize me recently for a giveaway I hosted. It was obvious that she was assigning all sorts of qualities to me…a virtual stranger. I unsubacribed her. I decided not to let it take up real estate in my mind.
People have their own issues and they interpret things through those lenses…
PS Erica, I missed the part about someone actually sending you this comment about being a bad mother. That just isn’t true. I have had people saying things to me like that in the past. I know how hurtful it is. So just to set the record straight. I know you are a very good Mom and love your child so much. I know that you feel that Motherhood is a great gift and that no one tries harder to do her best then you. I am so happy that my son has you and that little Chase is being well taken care of. Love you Nana
Crystal,
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there!! God is doing a great annd mighty work through you!! I have been reading/using your blog for at least 6 years and I haven’t commented but maybe twice! It helped me when I came home to be a stay at home mom and I still use it for encouragement as well!! So a big thumbs up to you, and to your commitment to God for your obedience!! Merry Christmas to you, Jesse, and those beautiful children!!
Lona
We are all children of God and it does not matter what others say about us. Words do not change how God feels about us. The only thing we can change is our response to hurtful words. I think you are terrific and encouraging. Your website encourages me to be a better person. Merry Christmas!
What a wonderful reminder to us all. I recently had a couple rather unpleasant encounters with a gentleman at work. I was following our policies and he did not like having to follow these procedures. I promise it wasn’t anything horrible– I simply asked to see a card or identification. Twice he threw a fit because other employees have allowed him to get by without following policy. He definitely made me feel as though I was the one in the wrong and was singling him out for all this nastiness. I definitely wasn’t– policy is policy and a rule I must follow if I wish to keep my job! I have been fretting over the incidents for days now. I know now that I need to let them go. I was doing my job. He was protesting. Nothing personal– all policy related!
I like this article on disappointment. I have taken others estimations of myself and believed a lot of untruths. It is always good to look at where someone else is coming from to understand them. But it is most of all what God thinks that is important. It takes a long time to learn and grow into the person God wants us to be and we will always have room to grow. We are not perfect but becoming more like Jesus as he works in us. It is a life long process, looking back I could have done so much better in the past, I made all kind of mistakes raising my kids, but I am not the same person that I was. I may not be what I wish to be ..but I am no longer where I use to be either. It is a work of God in our lives. He knows what he is doing. He puts us in life situations and with people where we have to trust Him. I am so glad for God’s patience and never ending love and care.
I don’t necessarily agree with you, because I’ve always let other people’s negativity roll off my back. However, I think you did a wonderful thing today. Your reaction is more important than what was said. I think it’s was well served to God to make a positive blog post about your hurt, so others can find encouragement and love from your experience. Thanks for sharing with us.
Unfortunately, often times the way I deal with people being disappointed with me is to run away and avoid them. It’s not the right thing to do and absolutely makes things worse. I am finally at a place in my life where I am dealing with this, but it’s not easy! Thanks for the post, it was great!
Yes! I’ve definitely been one to jump to conclusions and run away and avoid people. It might be easier in the short-run, but it’s never healthy in the long-run… a lesson I am slowly learning!
Criticism is hard, even when it is meant to be constructive and is warranted. That being said any criticism coming from an anonymous source does not deserve a moments attention. As your husband said, that person does not live in your house or walk in your shoes. I know that the blogs sometimes don’t allow comments from you except under anonymous but that does not prevent the writer from identifying themselves in the comment section.
Live your life as you believe is pleasing to the Lord and in the best interests of your family and you can’t go wrong.
I am not a blogger, so I don’t know how it feels from that perspective. However I read this blog almost everyday and I have to say I don’t understand where this commenter was coming from. For starters this is only a glimpse into your life and nobody knows what goes on in your home and nobody should know. So assuming this person doesn’t know you personally I don’t see what this person sees that is so bad. I see Ice skating, baking/cooking, reading books, homeschooling, etc… and in all of these pictures of your children they look happy and healthy. There is nothing on your blog that makes you look like a bad mother, so as long as your husband and children are happy (which they obviously are) then I definitely would not take the comment to heart.
I am sorry someone wrote such hurtful comments. Who are they to judge? How dare they criticize another mother.. especially one they don’t know. I am angry and hurt for you. I think you are a wonderful mother. You are fun, you let your kids express their creativity, they help you in the kitchen, you make time for them individually, you are a great Christian example for them, you show them how to love and nurture a marriage, etc. I could go on and this list is just what I see from this board. I am sending a big hug to you and applauding you for what an AMAZING woman you are!!
It’s very wise of you to take a step back, gain perspective, and even consider whether the criticism is valid. It’s so hard to do that when in the midst of the emotional flood. I was just recently thinking about you as I have been considering the idea of blogging again, and I know you’ve been on the receiving end of a good deal of hurtful criticism. I wonder if I would have the emotional strength to deal with that, especially publicly. I have some estranged family members and friends who might consider it open season for nit-picking or looking for faults, and their harsh words would cut more, I think. That’s the “human” part of this reality–behind every blogger and author and public persona is a real person with real weaknesses and flaws and feelings. And in some ways, having thick skin but not a calloused heart is necessary.
So often, I’ve found truth and learned a great deal from a critical comment… so I do *try* to listen and consider it, even if my first reaction is to want to justify or defend myself!
Good to hear from you, by the way! Thank you for the blessing you are to me!
You’re so sweet. Thanks for your reply. We’re expecting baby #6 in April. I guess I’m coming back here more again because I need the extra motivation and encouragement not just with finances but in daily life as well. You are a blessing to ME! Thanks again!
Crystal…
I’m so sorry someone wrote you such an insensitive post! I don’t think anyone can or should judge a mother. I have three kids myself, ages 5,7 & 9 . Being a mom is so rewarding yet so difficult. You just keep doing the amazing job you are doing! I love seeing pics of your kids cooking with you in the kitchen…their beautiful smiling faces is testament enough that you are doing a FANTSTIC job!! I love your website bc it always brings me back to where I need to be in my life! Thank you for doing such a great job with your blog! Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Isn’t it crazy how people get the platform to say anything they want to because they can hide behind anonymity?!
I think that, with any comment that comes in anonymously, there’s a red flag there. A “dont take this to heart” red flag.
We’ve all heard that there are people that break others down just to build themselves up. Its like the girl in your 3rd grade class that called you nerd-face everyday to get a laugh.
I’m starting a fledgling business selling teaching products. I put my heart and soul into everything I create. I spend hours each day working on products to put up for sale and when I get a disappointing review, it’s CRUSHING! This Sunday I made the mistake of checking my feedback and I had a negative review. All morning I stewed on it – even in church! Finally I spoke to my husband about it and he said the same thing as yours. It doesn’t matter what a stranger thinks. He’s proud of me and loves me and so do the kids, and even more importantly, God loves me. That’s what matters.
As soon as he said that, my heavy heart lightened. It’s a great reminder about what’s important in life. I can’t control other what other people think of me or my products and that’s OK.
It’s so wonderful to have people in our lives who will speak truth to us when we’re having trouble seeing it, isn’t it?!
I’m so sorry you got that negative review, though. 🙁
I often think people like that simply dont realize how much their words hurt. You put your heart and soul into mothering and your blog, harsh comments can ruin your day and crush your spirit. Technology has made these comments easier to make while hiding behind a computer screen. It takes the feeling out of it, they forget that they are speaking to an actual human with actual feelings.
It’s really caused me to step back and examine what I’m saying online, via text, via email, and even in person… because sometimes a comment that wasn’t even meant to be critical can come across that way.
I think you’re a wonderful mom and I often wonder how you manage to juggle all your responsibilities at home with all of us. I don’t always agree with everything I read here, but I do agree with your right to your own opinions and beliefs and I have learned a lot here that I treasure.
I agree with your husband and I’ve had similar encouragement from mine. Don’t you love the way men are so straight forward sometimes? There will always be (to borrow from The Jersey Shore) “haters” and it is what it is. When you’re successful (and you are) and/or a celebrity (in the blogging world – and you are) that sometimes comes with the territory. I think how hard it must be for people like Angelina Jolie who gets so much criticism – it takes a lot of mental strength to dust yourself off and keep on going. You seem like a great mom to me and your read aloud lists have blessed our family. MSM is my homepage! Keep the faith!
Thank you for this…as your timing is impeccable! Just had a client post on business FB page her unhappiness with me and I took it to heart. I cannot please everyone and when I ready over your suggestions…they were spot on. Thank you! 🙂
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to share your life on this blog. It’s definitely made a difference for me and my family. I look forward to reading your emails and the blog and downloading the free books, kids crafts & colouring pages… the links to other bloggers… Getting to know your blog has changed my internet habits/reading habits/investment in my role as a mother… THANK YOU! I’m in Africa and have only visited the US a few times and I find what you share relevant and a blessing. I got connected to your blog through the Girlfriends in God daily devotions. And wow!!! I’m very thankful for you. May you and your family enjoy a very special blessing from our Saviour Jesus Christ during this Christmas season. Ciru
So glad to have you reading here — all the way from Africa! How fun to hear that today!
Thanks for taking time to comment and for your sweet encouragement!
Love it!
I am shocked that some anonymous person chose to spit venom on you. Remember that it is not about you, and it says more about them instead of you.
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear. Long story short I am learning a new job. Today I made some mistakes. As a people pleaser, I beat myself up over them. Learning something new is always difficult. Thank you for speaking directly to me tonight.
Erica
{Hugs!} I hope today is a better day for you!
Wow! That’s harsh. The key is the person does not know you personally or what really goes on in your day to day life (and that’s a good thing). And the other key is your family does not agree. They are the ones who matter for you.
What a horrible thing to say to another mother! I can’t believe that they had the audacity to stay anonymous…what a cowardly thing to do. Saying you are a “bad” mom is like cutting you to the core. Saying/writing that says much more about the author then about their intended “victim”!
I love your blog…when you do a little or a lot…either way. 🙂 I worry about what people think about me ALL THE TIME and it’s exhausting! I wish I didn’t, but even though I wrote that first paragraph when you are in the midst of it its a gut wrecker for me. I have tried to ignore, forgot…oh and forgive, but the pains are still there. I am not alone—I come from a long line of worriers. Needless to say, it is something I work on everyday. Thank you for this post. For the gentle reminder and I will pray for you, for me and for that Mom who obviously needed to attack for some reason because they had something going on in their own lives. Hugs to you Crystal…keep on keepin’ on. We’ve got your back!
Something else to keep in mind: if someone can only offer up criticism under the protection of anonymity, the problem likely isn’t you. Look at the source. Perhaps you wrote something she disapproved of or she misunderstood, but to be so mean suggests a problem in her own life.
I don’t know you apart from your blog, but nothing you’ve ever posted has ever made me think you’re a poor or inattentive mother.
I agree with EVERYTHING Anne Marie said!
One of the main reasons I love your blog is that you have created such a positive community! With over 450K followers on Facebook, it is amazing that the blogs remains such a positive and upbeat community! 🙂
I’ve always thought that you sound like an amazing mom and wife.
That’s what I was gonna say! 🙂 Prayers for you today and other days, too.
Also–I love what one of y favorite Bible scholars on the radio says:
“When you get kicked by a mule, consider the source.”
Crystal, I am so sorry to hear that someone hurt you like this. It is surprising how people bother to take time out of their day to criticize and put down other people who they don’t even know. It is obvious that you put your heart into your work on this blog and you’ve made it apparent what your purpose is with it. But that is not enough for people to assume they know everything about your life. Even if they did, it is not their place to judge. If they do not like something about you, they don’t have to visit your blog, simple as that. I’ve learned that when people criticize their comments are often a reflection of their own internal demons. I just started blogging, but I have already experienced heart break through criticism from my own family. It is hard to get your mojo back after such disappointment. Thank you for the tips of wisdom. I wish you much continued success!
I am going to reread the actual content at some point because I know I will gain something from it as I do with all your post. I had to comment that I have no idea who would ever think you’re a bad mother. You seem like an amazing wife and mother to me, but your husband is right, what he and your children think is a thousand times more important than the approval or disapproval of any of your readers.
Furthermore, my husband read somewhere that “good enough” parents have happier, more well-adjusted children than those who try to be perfect. 🙂 I’ve got to find that source.
You are doing a great job as a mother! I don’t know you personally, but I can tell through the different areas of your life that you make time for what matters most. You manage so many different things and manage them well plus you are an inspiration to some many women and mothers! You and your husband and have used both your time and money well and the Lord has clearly blessed you for doing so. You inspire me daily. Thank you SO much for all the work you have put into blogging!
Always look at the negative things that someone says and learn from them. Some can be mean and down right hurtful. If we are honest we can learn from that horrible experience of disappointment. Don’t beat your self. I have been there and done that and failed miserably living up to others expectations. At the end of the day you know who you are and where you are going. Don’t let people rob you of your inner peace. We all need a healthy dose of criticism and failure it either refines us or leads to our demise. I chose the the latter.
I have been criticized on several fronts throughout the years. I’ve come to this conclusion: Is this something I’ve thought over and prayed over? Is this something the Lord has directed me to do? Am I doing this to the best of my ability? Is this issue I am being criticized for understood by the other person, and if I say anything will it bring understanding? Do we need to agree to disagree? Is this a boundary issue and do I need to act on it? Is this issue worth getting tied up in knots?
I came on your site because I hit a rut with our eating. I’ve been so distracted I haven’t meal planned or grocery shopped this week so we’ve been eating out. I was sitting here trying to figure out what to do and you know what I thought? I thought, I should come to this site and see what your menu plan is for the week. I’m not necessarily looking to copy it, I just need inspiration and your site was the first place I came to look.
You’re doing a great job and I love visiting your site. Keep up the good work! 🙂
My husband and I are in the ministry and we have found that we will NEVER make everyone happy all at the same time. What encourages us is that we keep our focus on the Lord and what we know pleases Him. Crystal, I admire you so much in the stand that you take to keep your website free from “junk” and adverstisements that are not pleasing to the Lord and for keeping a positive attitude on your blog. From what I can tell, it looks like you and are your husband are doing quite well in raising your children in light of eternity 🙂
Keep it up! Remember where your focus should be – always on the Lord!
Crystal, I am in awe of how often your posts are exactly what I need to hear. I received some significant criticism this evening regarding a project I’ve been working on, and I was actually in tears when I logged onto your blog.
Whether the criticism is accurate or not, I don’t know–I’ll need to take some time and process it. But your words really helped me to put things into perspective. Thank you for being so open in sharing both the highs and the lows in your life!
{Hugs!} I’m so sorry you received that criticism. I hope that there is some encouragement in today for you to help offset yesterday’s discouragement.
As a preacher’s daughter many years ago, at one church — apparently I couldn’t do anything right. It took me a long time to realize it was them, not me (I hadn’t changed when we moved there!) and also forgive (was able to confront one family & yes it was both adults & youth who judged me). I did learn a lot about myself during those hard years. I was a teen. My dad was getting “beat up” too. So sad. It’s helped me with later situations, though.
I am a 74 year old lady who has been following your blog for a few months, now. Other than a few sporadic times, I have never used coupons in my whole entire life. I have learned SO much from you and love how you teach us how to shop for bargains and keep us informed as to where these bargains can be found. I am not, nor do I aspire to be, an EXTREME couponer. I like your practicality and common sense when it comes to your shopping and couponing and I have become pretty good at pinching my pennies because of you. Proof that you never get to old to learn new things. Keep up the good work. You have impacted the lives of MANY!!
Thank you so much for reading here and for taking the time to comment!
I got lambasted by a family member once. I stood up for a moral issue I believed in and was FLAMED by this person telling me I was a bigot and a hypocrite raising judgemental children who would grow up to be an intolerable hypocrote just like I was. She was sure Jesus would not look highly on the “Christian” way I was raising my children. The pain cut deep and quick and I was hurt. She didn’t understand tho. She didn’t believe the same way I did and maybe she wax having a bad day. I don’t obviously put myself out there to this member anymore. I don’t care yo be hurt again but I don’t hate her either. I know I can’t make everyone happy. There’s only one I can make happy and that’s what I have to worry about!
When my husband lost his job and I was forced back into work full time, I felt like I’d disappointed everyone. I cried almost every day during the drive to work, and convinced myself that I was a horrible mom.
The truth? I was the mom my kids needed. My husband stayed home through unemployment and I worked for 2 years. I finally came to a place and realized that this was how God had chosen to provide for our family. Yes, God chose it. The same week my husband was laid off I was offered a full-time RN position. It was God’s provision.
So I chose to talk to myself each day on the drive to work. I’d say over and over, “This is how God has chosen to provide for our family.” I’d reiterate different words each time I said it: “THIS is how God…”, “This is how GOD….”, etc. It really worked!
Over time, I became content with this position in life, and knowing that it wasn’t forever, chose joy during a difficult time.
Now, I’m a stay at home mom, working one day a week in pediatric nursing and lactation (my love!), and homeschooling my children, caring for my family from home each day. Working full time outside the home for two years gave me a HUGE respect for working moms and gave me a deeper gratitude for being a stay at home mom. It’s not a comparison of whose job is harder – working moms vs. stay at home moms – they’re equally hard! But living on both sides of the fence has taught me how to appreciate the path that God has chosen for my family, even when it’s something I wouldn’t choose.
All this to say that people will question, criticize, advise, and encourage you in all seasons. At the end of the day, you have to rest in knowing that whether you’re working full time or pinching pennies and changing diapers at home, it’s how God chose for you to live your day. Rest in knowing that if He desired any other plan for you, He’s big enough to make it happen that way!
Thanks for a great post, Crystal!
Also a great post Amy. Each mother has their own challenges. I really have enjoyed being a stay at home mom, but after being a working mom for so many years before that, it was a challenge to have to rely on my husband for everything when I had been independent for so many years.
This was such a beautiful comment! Thank you for taking the time to share all of that; it really inspired and blessed me!
That was beautiful. I am so glad you shared that.
Number 4 is my favorite. I actually will have to remember this when someone disappoints me also. Yes it hurts, or is upsetting now but will it matter in 25 yrs, or even 5yrs. Not likely! Thank you so much for sharing.
Read this Palestinian parable today and thought it applied well to you…
A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way.
But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.
The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours — you and your hulking son?”
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned.
🙂 What a great story and reminder!
I thought of the same story right away!
This is a lesson that I have been repeatedly learning a lot the last couple of years. I love all of your points and maybe add one more. That would be to say one positive thing about yourself, something that you like or know that you are good at. That isn’t to take away from any of your points, but for me, I have to remind myself that I have good points too. Thanks for a great post.
Thanks, Crystal – for sharing some perspective! And for letting the rest of us bloggers know that we’re not alone in dealing the negative comments! They really can hit hard and it really can be so hard to evaluate them rightly – even when they’re not true, they can still hurt! So thankful to also have a hubby to bounce things off of who can give me some real input – that, like Jesse said, is what really matters. 🙂
I feel very badly for those of you who are criticized anonymously on blogs. I hope you know for each jerky comment you get, there are probably 100s of readers who appreciate you.
This was just what I needed to hear today! I have a tendency to worry too much about disappointing people so much so that sometimes it keeps me from doing, writing or acting on something that I would really like to do because I’m afraid someone will be disappointed with my direction or action.
It is something I’m still working on and it’s nice to know I don’t struggle alone!