Money Saving Mom®

As I watched the Olympics the past two weeks, I kept thinking about how many times each athlete must have fallen in their journey to make it to the Olympics. Here’s what About.com says about figure skating:

If You Are Going to Skate, You Are Going to Fall:

If you are a figure skater, you must understand that if you are going to skate, you are going to fall. That’s a fact. Practicing falling over and over again is the only way to learn how to fall safely.

Falling is part of the process of learning to succeed. If the figure skaters weren’t willing to go out on the ice and fall again and again, they’d never learn how to jump beautifully and gracefully, they’d never perfect fancy footwork moves, and they’d never win any competitions.

It’s the same way in life. If you want to accomplish great things and follow through with your goals, you’ve got to get over your fear of falling.

It’s easy to sit in the bleachers as a spectator. It’s comfortable and safe. And you won’t get any bumps, bruises, or injuries from it.

But it also guarantees that you’ll never see progress, you’ll never experience the fulfillment that comes from putting it all on the line, you’ll never succeed, and you’ll never make a difference in someone else’s life.

Getting out onto the rink requires risk. You’re not going to hit a home run every time you try a new idea, start a new business, invest in a relationship, or attempt a new skill. In fact, most of the time, you’re probably going to stumble, struggle, or even fall flat on your face.

That is how you learn best. Each time you fall and get back up and try again, you become a little bit stronger, a little more sure of your footing, a little more successful. You learn what works and what doesn’t.

Do you want to be safe or do you want to succeed? The choice is yours.

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We’re excited to have threadUP as one of our sponsors. We had the opportunity to interview them and get to know their company a little more recently:

How did thredUP get started?

thredUP was founded in 2009 when our CEO, James Reinhart, was staring at his closet full of clothes and didn’t want to wear any of it. We can all relate to this, right?

Not only do a lot of people also have this problem, but kids are especially growing out of their clothing at warp speeds. In 2010, thredUP created a kids clothing sharing platform and in 2013 it grew to include Women’s clothing!

Tell us more about how ThredUP works.

thredUP is an online fashion resale shop. You can shop thousands of brand name clothing for women, kids, and juniors — up to 90% off retail prices.

You can also sell us your clothing by requesting a prepaid Clean Out Bag. Simply fill the bag, and place it on your doorstep. We cover the shipping cost and pay you up to 40% of its resale value.

Do you have any promo codes available right now?

Yes! We’re currently offering a promotion exclusive for Money Saving Mom® readers. Readers can get $10 off their first order of $20 or more with promo code MSM1020 at checkout.

Is thredUP involved in any charity work?

thredUP donates a portion of proceeds to Teach For America, and we have donated about 10,000 items to the organization, Dress For Success. We encourage our members to form their own thredUP Groups to raise money for personal “causes” like a school camping trip, classroom school supplies, and disaster relief. We’ve helped raise $80,000 ($40K of which we’ve matched)  for charities through groups.

How can customers get the most out of thredUP?

The best way to use thredUP would definitely be to send in your quality outgrown-clothing and then use your earnings to refresh your closet and shop “new threds” on the site! You literally would not need to spend a dime.

Interested in becoming a monthly sponsor or advertising with us? Find more details here.

How did you have margin in your life when Jesse was in law school and you NEEDED to work a lot? I’m in that place, and while it won’t last for ever (another 2 years or so), I’m wondering how to add margin when I have to work the amount I do and I’m also homeschooling my kids. Thanks! -Melissa

Truthfully, Melissa, I didn’t do a good job of having margin. And I really regret it now. Working too much during the law school years and then during the first few years after law school were what landed me in the pit of despair that I write about in my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode.

I stayed home a lot — mostly because we only had one car for much of the time and Jesse used it to go to work and school every day. So that helped. But I also feel like, in some ways, it contributed to my eventual burn out. Because I was home so much, we lived in such a small apartment, I didn’t have many friends, and I only had one child, so I filled up the time and loneliness with lots and lots of work.

I don’t regret all of the things I learned during those years as much of the trial and error laid the foundation for MoneySavingMom.com. But I do regret not taking enough time to breathe and slow down.

After my husband graduated and started working full-time, I continued to work really, really hard because I’d become so accustomed to it and we also had financial goals that we were trying hard to hit. We didn’t have much of a cushion financially, so I was hoping to help build that up.

Then, we had our second child and my husband lost his job. As a result, I went into full gear mode just to keep us afloat. There are seasons when you have to just power through, but the problem was, once he found a steady job again, I continued to push hard and fast.

I think that once you’ve experienced so many years of barely making it and you see the potential to actually start to get ahead, it’s hard not to just go for it. So I did… with guns blazing. And then I paid for it dearly, as I chronicle in my book.

I tell you all this, just to let you know that I didn’t do things the right way and I wouldn’t recommend going about things the way I did. I wish that I could go back and re-do some of those years. But I can either live in regret or let my mistakes serve as lessons to propel change for how I live my life right now.

With this in mind, here’s some advice I’d give to you in your situation (based upon the mistakes I made):

1. Cut Out All Non-Essentials

If you’re in a very busy season of life, strip down to the bare basics. Now is not the time for scrapbooking, enrolling in extra classes, or tackling the attic organization. Say no to everything that’s not essential in order to free up breathing room in your schedule.

Focus on the most important priorities — things like keeping your family fed, making sure they have clean clothes, and making sure that your health, your marriage, and your children are the priorities. There are different seasons of life and there will be plenty of other seasons when you can add in other things. But right now, you have enough on your plate, so guiltlessly say no to anything extra.

2. Get Up Early

Every family (and mom!) is different, but I encourage you to give getting up early a try. I’ve found that the early morning hours — especially anytime before 7 a.m. — is prime time to get blogging and business work done.

Why? Well not only am I really fresh and energetic since it’s the beginning of the day, but there are very few distractions and interruptions since most people aren’t online yet and the rest of my family is asleep!

Note: If you want to start getting up early, but you really struggle with following through, you might find my 30-Day Early to Rise series a helpful starting place.

3. Hire (or Barter for) Help

It’s hard for frugal people to hire help. I totally get it. But if you can swing it in your budget, buying yourself a little breathing room can be priceless.

Think about what areas in your life you are struggling with most — is it administrative tasks for your business, house cleaning, food preparation, or something else — and talk to your spouse about possible solutions. It might mean cutting back more, hiring a virtual assistant for a few hours each week, hiring a babysitter for a few hours each week, or something else.

Figure out if there’s a way you can make it work and then guiltlessly move forward with your plan. It just might be the best $25 or so you spend each week!

If you don’t have any wiggle room in your budget, consider if there’s a way you could barter for the help you need — swapping babysitting with a mom one afternoon per week, swapping a few business projects for helping someone learn a marketable skill, or something else. Think outside the box and ask your spouse and close friends if they have any ideas of solutions, too.

4. Plan a Once a Week Coffee Shop Date

When I had my second child, one of the best things we ever implemented was my once-a-week mornings at the coffee shop. At first, it was really hard for me to leave the girls with Jesse because I’d basically never left them, ever, since they’d been born.

But after the first few weeks, I realized just what a difference it made in our home and family. It gave me time to plan the week ahead. I came home re-energized and refreshed for the week ahead. And Jesse got to have a special morning with the girls.

If this seems like something that might work for your family and schedule, talk to your spouse and see if there’s a way you could experiment with something similar. Maybe it’s not every weekend, but every other weekend, or one evening a month.

5. Give Yourself Grace

I know I say this often, but it bears repeating: give yourself grace. You are in a hard season of life. If your house is messier or you feel behind, don’t beat yourself up. Just do the best you can do with the time and energy you have, ask for help (if possible), delegate (if possible)  — and let the rest go!

What advice and suggestions do you have for Melissa?

Want some practical help with setting up your day for success? It all starts the night before! Be sure to grab a copy of my brand-new online course, Make Over Your Evenings.

This 14-day online course includes videos, a workbook, and step-by-step projects and is designed to help you maximize your evenings in order to experience more success in your life, more order in your home, and more joy in your soul.

It’s time to stop sleep-walking through life and wake up to the amazing excitement and fulfillment that comes when you follow my simple plan to Make Over Your Evenings.

Find out more about it here.

Life is full of opportunities and choices. And as I talk about in my book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, if you want to have margin and breathing room in your life and not feel constantly exhausted and overwhelmed, you’ve got to learn to say no.

This doesn’t mean that you say no to everything and everyone all the time, but that you carefully evaluate each opportunity in light of your long-term priorities and goals and your current responsibilities — and say “no” when something is not a good fit.

That all sounds great to most people, but the feedback I’ve been hearing a lot is, “I want to pare down my responsibilities and commitments. I want to stop rushing through life and feeling pulled in so many different directions. But how do I start saying no without ruining relationships?”

Here are some suggestions:

1. Be Gracious

When saying no, always be very gracious in how you say it. If you come across as uncaring and rude, you’re bound to hurt the other person. Express gratitude that they would ask you and then explain that this isn’t going to work because of X but that you are so honored they would ask.

Example: Just this past week, some friends asked if we could get together. While I would love to get together with them, as I looked at the calendar, I realized that the week was already quite full and that adding one more thing would probably be too much.

So I expressed how much I appreciated the invite and that I’d love to get together, but that this week was already full and adding another commitment to the week would probably be cause for stress. I then followed up with another possible date for us to get together in a few weeks.

2. Be Honest

I’ve found that it’s helpful to give a concise explanation when saying no to someone or something. This lets the person know that it’s not about them; it’s just that the opportunity is not a good fit for your current life season.

Don’t over-explain, but a simple two or three sentence reason will help the person who asks to know where you’re coming from and why you’re saying no at this time.

Example: An online acquaintance asked me to endorse her soon-to-be-released book. As I have time, I am honored to occasionally endorse books that are coming out. Since I try to always read through books before giving an endorsement, this takes quite a bit of time on my part. As a result, I’ve learned to check my upcoming schedule before committing to read and endorse a book.

In this case, the deadline was too soon for me to be able to get the endorsement in with other responsibilities I’d already committed to. So I wrote back and told this person that while I’d love to endorse her book, the time frame didn’t work out for me right now.

3. Offer An Alternative

If you can’t say yes right now, consider if you can say yes in the future or offer an alternative. This is especially important for close friends and family members. You can’t say yes to them all the time, but you can look for ways to offer an alternative.

Example: In point number one above, I shared how I had told friends we couldn’t get together this week, but had proposed another week that would work. This is a great way to be able to say no without completely saying no — thus, finding a compromise that is a good fit for everyone!

Be Sure to Tie Up Loose Ends

If you are thinking of stepping down from a commitment, be sure to clearly communicate why you’re going the direction you are to those involved and then tie up the loose ends on your responsibilities and projects before pulling out completely. This way, you’re fulfilling your commitments and not leaving people high and dry. It might require more work in the short run, but it will probably mean that you don’t frustrate others and burn bridges in the process.

Important Note

If you follow all of these steps and the end result is that someone is angry and upset because you had to graciously bow out, it’s probably not a healthy relationship to begin with. In fact, I’d wager to say that you might be being used in the situation — and the person cares more about you as an asset than you as a person.

If they are angry that you are no longer going to be helping or participating instead of understanding that it’s not a good fit for you right now, it’s probably time that you step back or set boundaries in this relationship. You can’t make everyone happy all the time, but I encourage you to surround yourself with people care more about you than they care about what they can get from you.

What advice and tips do you have for saying no without ruining relationships?

 

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