Money Saving Mom®

Leah emailed in the following tip:

Back when I first started following you on Facebook a couple years ago, I would see your posts shortly after you posted them in my Facebook feed. If you posted a freebie on Target.com and there was a limited amount, I was able to quickly hop from your link to the deal and score on it.

From what I understand Facebook has changed what appears in our feeds based on what posts we click ‘like’ on and how frequently we do that. I experienced this to be true just last night.

For the last few months, I wondered if you had quit posting on Facebook altogether. I never saw your posts and so I was hardly ever going to your website and when I did, I was missing out on hot or recent deals.

I was up late last night looking at your Facebook page and I clicked like on 5 or 6 of the posts you had on there. Voila! This morning and throughout today, my Facebook was completely altered. I had 4-5 of your recent posts in my feed — yay!!

I am actually glad about this because it lets me know, in someway, that I have a little control in what comes up in my FB feed. What I click like the most will be what Facebook shows me more often. -Leah

If you’re not doing so already, be sure to follow Money Saving Mom® on Facebook here.

Earlier this week, I posted a Peek Into Our Week post. One of the questions I received in response to that post was, “How do you have so many great friendships? How do you find friendships like this?” I started to respond to this question as a comment and my response got so long, I decided to turn it into a post. 🙂

For years, I didn’t have many close friends. I had many acquaintances, but very few people in my life with whom I could be completely honest.

I was insecure and a people-pleaser, so I always held back in relationships. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or come across in the wrong way. Because of this, I usually just didn’t share things I was thinking about, working through, or struggling with at a deep level.

While this allowed me to not get so hurt in relationships and kept me more “safe”, it also meant that I felt lonely much of the time. I wanted to have close friendships, but I was scared of opening up and being vulnerable.

My personal journey from insecurity to confidence has transformed me from the inside out. And it’s also given me courage to step outside of the safe zone and reach out to people around me in an authentic way.

It’s taken years to get to this place, but I am so blessed to now have a group of really close friends. Friends who would drop everything to help me. Friends who I can share anything with and they will listen and won’t think I’m crazy (or maybe they think I’m crazy sometimes, but they still love me!). Friends who are life-giving. Friends who love me enough to have earned the right to speak the truth to me when I need to hear it. Friends who I just LOVE hanging out with and sharing life with.

It’s a beautiful thing to have relationships and community like this. But it didn’t happen overnight. For me, here were the three keys that helped me build these close friendships:

1. I Became Authentic & Vulnerable

If you want to build close relationships, it starts with being honest and authentic to who you are. A few years ago, I had this revelation: if I wanted people to love me for exactly who I was, I had to be exactly who I was when I was with them.

I had to stop trying to please whoever I was with, say what they’d want me to say, and walk on egg shells for fear of offending them. Instead, I just needed to be me — warts, short-comings, and all.

This doesn’t mean I need to air my dirty laundry for everyone nor does it mean I shouldn’t be considerate or use deference, but it does mean that I am committed to being authentic and real in my relationships.

If someone asks me how I am, I want to be honest in my response instead of just saying a pat answer like, “I’m fine.” If I’ve had a bad day or am struggling with something, I want to be vulnerable enough to at least briefly share this. If I want people to be authentic with me, I’ve got to be willing to open myself up and share about my messes, struggles, and short-comings, too.

2. I’ve Made People a Priority

Strong friendships don’t just happen; they are the result of lots of nurturing and cultivating. They are borne out of the investment of time, resources, and energy.

As a Type-A Driver personality who is also introverted, I can make productivity paramount to everything. But long term, this isn’t healthy and it’s also a sure-fire way to ruin relationships.

I’m learning that strong relationships require being willing to sacrifice and go outside my comfort zone to bless someone else. It’s not always convenient, but it’s always worth it.

One thing that has helped me balance productivity with making people a priority is to look for ways to incorporate friends into things I’m already doing. For instance, if you’re going to an event, ask someone to come with you. If you’re headed on an errand, ask someone to join you. If you’re working on a project, see if there’s someone who might like to come over and join you.

3. I Look for Specific Ways to Show I Care

You might feel like you just don’t have time to invest in friendships. I disagree. We all have time (or can make the time) to show people we care.

And it doesn’t have to take hours and hours of time. Look for little pockets of time throughout the day to invest in people you know. Here are a few ideas:

• When you’re waiting in line at the grocery store, text someone to let them know you’re thinking of them or to just check in and see how they are doing.
• When you are waiting in the carpool pick-up line, jot a quick note to someone who is going through a rough patch and mail it to them.
• When you are working on laundry or cleaning, call someone to check up on them.
• If you have a free evening or weekend, invite someone over to join you for dinner, a game, or a movie.
• If you see a great deal on something someone you know loves, shoot them a quick text to let them know. Or better yet, buy it for them and surprise them with it “just because”.

Always be looking for opportunities to reach out and bless someone else. Ask questions and take time to really listen to the responses. Be a giver. Pour into others.

There are so many blessings in living your life with outstretched arms. Plus, some of the deepest relationships will often blossom out of your willingness to take the time to show someone you care about them.

What advice do the rest of you have for building great friendships? I’d love to hear!

Want more encouragement on friendship? Read my posts on How Do You Find Good Friends? and How Do You Find Time to Be a Friend?