Money Saving Mom®

The following is a testimony from Deana of Redeeming the Days

I have always lived life with unbridled positivity.

For the past thirty-one years, I’ve prided myself in the fact that I can find a silver lining in just about any situation. That’s why the last six months have hit me so hard.

Back in late January, after much prayer, my husband and I realized a long-time dream of adoption when we adopted our fourth child through our state’s foster care system.

As we prepared to welcome our new son, I was sure that I could find a silver lining amidst all the hurt our new son had experienced in his seven years. Yet, as soon as he walked through the door, I struggled. The emotional grief of the losses he bore were heavy. And it wasn’t easy to help him carry those griefs.

It was hard to find the silver lining to his gray clouds of loss. Before I knew it, my usual positivity was nowhere to be found, and I felt emotionally down.

It’s been a difficult climb out of that valley, and I doubt that I’m completely out yet, as there is plenty of grief still to walk through with our little guy. But one day, during my daily check of MoneySavingMom.com, I saw where Crystal wrote about her Gratitude Journal and how much that daily discipline had affected her life.

I decided to give it a try. Every day, I would write everything I was thankful for in my journal. Little by little, I began to notice that instead of feeling down so much, I was intentionally looking for things during the day that I could write in my blessing journal. The tough things of my day just weren’t shining as brightly against all the blessings I had.

The practice of the Gratitude Journal has been a lifesaver.

As I got to thinking about how much I had benefited from the Gratitude Journal, I began wondering if my kids would enjoy it as much as I did. I didn’t want to invest much into the idea, just in case they hated it, so I went to the grocery store and bought them each a fifty-cent composition book. Every morning they start our Bible Time writing their blessings in their Gratitude Journals.

I had no idea how healing the practice would be to my children, but every day, each of them spend about 15 minutes working on their journals, writing, drawing, and counting their blessings.

The other day, I almost couldn’t contain my heart when our adopted son shared his blessings and said, “I am thankful for my mom and dad and my brother and sisters.” That was truly a special moment that would not have happened without our Gratitude Journals.

My positivity is no longer unbridled. It is forever tainted with the hurt, loss, and grief that my son has experienced and that my family and I now are very much willing to help him carry.

Through the practice of daily gratitude, I’m learning that even suffering isn’t all bad. Through life’s struggles, we learn qualities like perseverance, endurance, and trust. And we learn that God is always good, no matter what.

Deana is wife to Tim, and a homeschool mom to four beautiful children. She loves bird watching, front porch-sitting, and time spent in God’s Word. She writes about homeschooling, adoption and foster care, and her faith at her blog, Redeeming the Days.

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Guest Post from Sarah Mae of SarahMae.com

I long to raise my kids well.

I long to travel to the beautiful places in the world.

I long to be a person of depth.

I long to write and speak words that will help people.

These are just a few of my longings. Of course some are stronger than others.

I used to long for two lives.

In one life I was doing what I’m doing now, living in a small town with my husband and beautiful children, doing my best as a wife, mom, homemaker, and fringe-hour writer.

In the other life I was living in Paris or Tuscany, breathing in the beauty of my surroundings every day. I lived in a little apartment and I wrote all day and spent my nights in deep conversation with the locals.

I don’t long for that second life anymore. I now fully and completely enjoy my life. But it took a process to get to where I am now. It took some pain and some eye-opening and some choices.

Many of us have longings and dreams and desires that pull at our hearts, but that our reality doesn’t necessarily make room for. Some of us ache with longing, some of us have deeply unfulfilled longings, and some of us are just tired and don’t know what do with our dreams and longings. Some of us don’t even know what it is we really long for.

I spent the last two years in focused wrestling mode trying to figure out the tangles in my longings, and how to really live and enjoy my life and not feel as though life was rolling over me in waves I couldn’t stop or contain. I was determined to live a satisfied, fully-awake life.

I wrote about my journey and my discoveries in my new book, Longing for Paris, where I share intimate stories, hard-learned lessons, and the delight of bringing my longings into my everyday. But let me take a few moments and share with you some key things that have a made a difference between me just living, and me living satisfied.

Four Steps Toward Living a Satisfied Life

Before I begin, keep these truths tucked in close:

• We will never have it “all-together” this side of heaven
• We can do our best by grace

1. Choose Your Life

The number one thing I did that helped me to get unstuck and live was to choose my life.

No one is going to live my life for me, and no one is going to make the decisions that are healthiest for me. I used to just let the waves of life roll over me as I went along. I always felt like I needed a pause button to catch up on life, and often times I felt as though I was drowning. I also wanted to please others, and I made decisions based on their reactions to my choices instead of what was best for me and my family.

Not anymore. I know now that in order to live and not get sucked under, I need to make choices that align with what I really want and where I see that God is leading me.

Choosing your life, choosing to make wide-awake, healthy decisions for yourself is a game-changer.

2. Embrace Who You Are

The second thing I learned in being satisfied with my life is not just accepting who I am, but embracing who I am.

I am a visionary who likes to sleep in. I love flamingos. I don’t like schedules. I like teaching and encouraging women through speaking, and I’m decent at it. I will never play a musical instrument because my brain doesn’t work that way. I can’t sing worth a darn. I love reading and studying and learning.

You are beautifully made and you have a gift that you can use to serve others. Don’t try and be like someone else because it will lead to a crummy life. Be you. Figure you out. And enjoy yourself.

3. Failures Don’t Have to Define Your Life

We have all botched up in this life. We’ve all made a million mistakes, and we will continue to fail in so many ways throughout our life. BUT, these failures do not have to define us. There is grace and love that covers a multitude of our shortcomings. Even the darkest, ugliest parts of us don’t have to rule us; there is always light waiting to be let in.

You might fail, but you are not a failure. You have purpose and beauty, and even your failures can be used to help others get free.

4. You Can Always, Always Begin Again

“It’s a fresh new day with no mistakes in it.” I love that line from Anne of Green Gables. Because it’s true. Each day we get to begin again. Each day is new and fresh with beginning.

The surest way to live a satisfied life is to be awake, to choose, to let grace cover you, and to begin again each day, knowing you will never have it all together, but you can nonetheless shine.

Here’s to life and beauty and deep satisfaction.

“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”

Victor Hugo

Sarah Mae is a writer who encourages women to keep on and begin again. She is a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, conference founder, speaker, and piecrust botcher. She makes her home in the beautiful Amish countryside of Pennsylvania, where she often ponders what life would be like if she actually finished all the laundry. You can find her and her books at SarahMae.com.

Guest post from Katy of The Non-Consumer Advocate

I like keeping my family’s expenditures down as much as any MoneySavingMom.com reader, so when I read an article in my local newspaper about a group of San Franciscans who’d just completed a “buy-nothing-new” year, I got excited. Their Compact allowed exceptions for a few items such as food (duh!) and safety equipment (whew!).

I wanted in.

My husband thought I was insane to suggest such an extreme challenge, but I felt compelled. “One month,” I explained. “I’ll try not to buy anything brand new for one month.”

That month was January of 2007.

One month turned into two, and before I knew it I’d completed my own “buy-nothing-new” year. And when December rolled around, I saw no reason to stop. Not only had I saved an enormous amount of money, but I’d also put the brakes on the never ending influx of clutter-y stuff that makes housekeeping an un-winnable war.

I began blogging as The Non-Consumer Advocate.

It’s been eight-and-a-half years since I joined The Compact! Yes, there have been times when buying used has been a huge pain in the tuchus, but mostly it’s been a breeze.

My husband thinks that used shoes are disgusting, so he chooses that as an exception. (The Compact is very individualized, as each person decides their own exceptions.)

My exceptions include personal care items, bras, underwear, books written by friends, and harmonicas. Yes, harmonicas . . . think about it.

Here’s how my family makes only buying used a possibility:

We examine wants vs. needs.

So often the urge to buy something new is a fleeting impulse. By having to find a used version, it sets up a built-in lag time that often kills that gotta-have-it-now desire.

We repair instead of replace.

Whether it’s a piece of clothing or a broken household item, we do our best to extend our belongings’ lives.

We borrow and lend.

Whether you call it a sharing economy or simple neighborliness, there’s simply no reason for everyone to buy, store and maintain their own infrequently used household items. (C’mon folks, when was the last time both you and your neighbor needed a post-hole digger at the same time?!)

We shop to thrift stores, garage sales, and consignment shops.

Even my style conscious teenagers go to Buffalo Exchange to satisfy their trendy needs.

We give experiential gifts.

And yes, we even give used stuff as gifts.

We no longer shop as entertainment.

Strolling around the mall or even browsing a street of local shops is an unnecessary temptation.

I also think about the environmental and societal consequences of unnecessarily manufactured goods. I want no part in sweatshop labor!

Of course there have been times when buying used was impossible. But those purchases were few and far between. No one is going to be 100% perfect in anything they do, but if I can avoid 95% of new purchases, I call that a win.

For my wallet, my home, and the environment.

Katy Wolk-Stanley lives in her hometown of Portland, Oregon and both works as a labor and delivery nurse and blogs as The Non-Consumer Advocate and for The Huffington Post. She describes herself as a laundry-hanger-upper, utility bill scholar, library patron, teenage wrangler, nap enthusiast and citizen. She has featured in The NY Times, USA Today, The National Enquirer, The Happiness Project, and The Today Show.

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