Money Saving Mom®

I have been reading your blog since 2009 and have recently been loving your Periscopes!! I do have a question that I hope you can answer in a blog post or on a Periscope.

How do you not feel guilty about sitting down to read? During nap (I have two girls – 2.5 and 1.5), I usually have homemaking chores to do but if I have extra time during nap, I always feel guilty sitting down to read! It always feels like there’s something else I should be doing. Any advice? -Emily

This is such a great question, Emily! I think so many moms and women struggle with making time to do things that will replenish and refresh and refuel them.

Why? Because it can feel like there are so many, many more important things you should be doing with your time.

You Are No Good to Anyone When You’re Completely Exhausted

But here’s the thing: you are good to no one if you are exhausted. Read that sentence again and really think about it.

You are unable to be a good wife, a good mom, a good co-worker, a good friend — or whatever hats you wear right now — if you are feeling run over for dead.

When you are completely drained, completely tapped out, and completely burned out, you will not have anything worth giving to others.

Yes, You Need to Take Time for YOU

You need to be pouring into yourself if you want to be able to pour out to others. You can’t just give and give and give without replenishing the supply and expect that you’ll be able to keep going and going and going. That’s like assuming that you can live without food or drive your car without refilling it with fuel.

We try to do it as a person, though, don’t we? And it’s usually in the name of “not having time” or that “there are so many other more important things to do”.

But if you never make time for replenishing your supply, you’ll soon have to make time because you’ll be so tapped out that you’ll be forced to.

I’ve found that I’m so much healthier, happier, and energetic when I take time to refuel my tank. And I’m also able to invest much more in my marriage and my kids, as a result.

How to Get Over the Guilt

When I remind myself about how important replenishing my supply is, it helps me to feel less guilt over making time for reading and other things that refuel me. But I’ve found other practical ideas that help, in addition to just giving myself a good pep talk:

#1. Budget a Time Block For It

When you make taking time to read part of your daily list of to-do’s, you’re automatically giving yourself permission to make it a priority.

#2. Make It a Reward

Tell yourself that once you’ve cleaned the bathroom, or filed those papers, or finished that work project, or folded and put away the laundry, you get to set the timer for 15 or 30 minutes and enjoy a book.

#3. Remind Yourself of the Impact

Reading is one of the best ways to grow as a person, to challenge ourselves, to grow, and to stimulate our minds. Keep this in mind when you’re trying to talk yourself out of taking time to read.

#4. Find an Accountability Partner

Ask someone to hold you accountable for taking time to refuel and refresh yourself. Maybe they can text or email you a few times per week to check in and make sure you’re making it a priority.

#5. Get Creative!

Look for creative ways to fit reading into your life. I’m always on the hunt for nooks and crannies where I can fit more reading in. Check out my posts here on how I find more time to read.

What other advice and ideas do the rest of you have for Emily? I’d love to hear!

P.S. Watch my video from this morning on How to Make Time for You Without Feeling Guilty.

Passionate Penny Pincher put together the ultimate Aldi, Target & Walmart price comparison chart. Really helpful to know where to get the best prices on all of your staple items!

If you’re more of a warehouse store shopper, you can also check out the ultimate Aldi, Costco & Sam’s Club price comparison chart.

Readers who have been around here a long time will remember we used to live in the same town as Jessica Fisher from Life as Mom and Good Cheap Eats and her family. We loved getting to know the Fisher family during that year we were both in Kansas City together.

I especially enjoyed hanging out at their house! Not only because I learned so much from Jessica, but because she is an amazing cook. Every time we went to their house, she’d be whipping up some sort of magic in the kitchen. It’s her thing and she does it beautifully.

Me, Silas, and Jessica in 2010 when our family went to visit their family in California.

It was a sad day when their family moved back to California, but we will always be grateful for those many memories we have and for the gift of local friendship and community their family gave to us during a hard and lonely season of our lives. And I will always be thankful for all the recipe ideas, kitchen tips, and life hacks I’ve learned from Jessica.

I’m super excited about Jessica’s new book, Good Cheap Eats: Dinner in 30 Minutes or Less. I know that title almost sounds too good to be true. But it’s not!

Jessica shows you tricks, tips, and delicious recipes that can be made in a matter of minutes. Best of all, her recipes are budget-friendly and many are bursting with nutritious ingredients.

The first time I had fish tacos was when Jessica served them to us at her house. I fell promptly in love. So I was really, really happy when I saw that she included them in this cookbook.

If you are looking for a great cookbook for busy families with simple, quick, and inexpensive recipes in it, check out Good Cheap Eats: Dinner in 30 Minutes or Less.

As many of you know, I recently had surgery, and my recovery ended up being much longer than I originally anticipated.

For days, I was exhausted, nauseated, weak, and losing weight and yet I didn’t have an appetite. Then, I started experiencing some pain that didn’t feel right. I finally went to the doctor and discovered I had a post-surgery infection.

While I’m feeling much better now, the last two weeks were hard and I struggled to not feel discouraged. This thing just seemed to drag on and on and on. My doctor had said she thought I’d feel mostly all back to normal within a few days and it had been two weeks and I still didn’t feel back to normal.

I just wanted to have my usual energy back. I wanted to be able to function at the energy level and productivity level that I’m used to.

In the grand scheme of things, this is such a small thing. I know there are so many people dealing with so much more, but at the same time, that didn’t change the fact that I was tired of waking up feeling sick and tired. I just wanted to be well!

Do you ever wake up and feel tired & discouraged, or just can’t seem to find the strength to face the day? 

Here are 5 things I did when I felt tired and discouraged last week:

1. Fire your inner critic.

My inner critic was telling me I was a wuss and that I should be able to deal with this more easily. I had to fire this voice inside of me that was saying it was my fault and my problem — that I needed to push harder and just get up and get over it in order to stop feeling so exhausted and sick.

Instead, I needed to give myself grace. I needed to focus on healing. I needed sleep. And I needed to take it easy. I decided to fire my inner critic and instead step back and listen to my body’s need for rest.

Listen to the truth, and don’t let the inner critic dictate your life.

2. Feed your body well.

Sometimes when we are going through a difficult time, it is so easy to reach for chocolate, junk food, or too many carbs. Emotional eating might feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it will often make us feel even worse.

When I was feeling nauseated, I realized I was just reaching for whatever I sounded good, but it wasn’t necessarily what my body needed. Instead, I started making a conscious effort to eat healthful foods that would fuel my body well. As a result, I found that I felt so much more nourished and it made a big difference in my energy levels.

3. Fill your soul.

What does your soul need? What are you craving? Maybe you need to do something creative, or just call up a friend and share your struggles.

For me, I just wanted to watch a good movie and relax, so that’s what my husband and I did. I also went to church, spent time with people who support me, read soul-nourishing words, and listened to some encouraging podcasts. All of these things helped build me up on the inside and gave me a feeling of hope.

4. Focus on others.

Some of you kept asking me why I was continuing to blog or periscope when I did not feel well, and it’s because I needed to get the focus off of myself and feel encouraged by focusing on others. I find that when I help others, it helps me forget about the things I was originally discouraged about.

There was one morning when I just did not want to get up and record a Periscope. I was feeling so tired and unmotivated, but I made myself do it. Once I got on and started streaming my video, I instantly felt better! Periscoping has become a daily joy for me, and it greatly encouraged me to focus on my community that morning.

What can you do to serve someone else? It might be something as simple as smiling, sending a text, or making a phone call. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, especially if you don’t have a lot of energy.

{“This is our literal air guitar” they told me!}

5. Find the funny.

Find something to laugh about. My friend Tam Hodge always tells me this, and it really makes a difference. Find your funny — whether it’s watching YouTube videos, a funny movie, or spending time with a friend who makes you laugh. Laughter is such good medicine!

What helps you when you feel tired and discouraged? I’d love to hear!

P.S. Watch my video on this topic: 5 Things To Do When You Feel Tired & Discouraged.

Psst! You can watch (or listen!) here to the video where I share more about this post & the lessons I’ve learned this year here.

Next week, while we’re in South Africa, I’ll be turning 34. It’s hard for me to believe I’m not 17 or even 25 any more. But it’s true.

As I’ve been reflecting on this past year, I was thinking about what I’ve learned as a 33-year-old and areas I’ve grown in. Here are three important things I’ve learned and/or really grown in this past year:

#1: It’s Okay If It’s Not Perfect

This might seem like I’m stating the obvious. But here’s the truth: I chased after perfect for a very long time. I wanted to be organized, exact, detailed, thorough, on time, and just plain together.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to pursue excellence, because it’s not. But this past year, I’ve really embraced that life is often messy. That things don’t always go as planned. That people are okay with me not having my act together.

And it’s been really freeing.

For instance, I had to get my driver’s license renewed last week because it was expiring on my birthday. The last time I’d gotten a new license (10 years ago?), I had painstakingly agonized over getting my signature as perfect as I possibly could using that clunky pen and touchscreen you have to write on.

This time around, I signed my name and pressed enter without even so much as a second thought. When they handed me my temporary license, I instantly noticed how messy my signature looked compared to my last driver’s license.

To me, that messy signature was a visible reminder of how much more relaxed I am about life and how much less I’m stressing about getting things “just right” these days.

#2: The Best Friends Are Those Who Cheerlead AND Challenge You

This past year, I’ve come to really appreciate the beauty of life-giving relationships — the kind where it’s a two-way street and there’s abundant give and take. I’ve intentionally worked at investing in relationships with people who not only love me for exactly who I am, but who challenge me to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I don’t want relationships where I’m being coddled. You know, the kind where people are only saying quiet affirmations, telling me how amazing I am, and generally just stroking my ego.

Nope, I don’t want that at all. Yes, sometimes it feels nice, but it’s unhealthy and it does nothing to spur me on to grow as a person.

Instead, I want to surround myself with people who will not only be my cheerleaders, but who will also have the courage to speak truth to me when I need to hear it.

This weekend, one of my friends called me out on something I said on my makeup tutorial on Periscope. I had said that my face without makeup on is “SCARY”. She challenged me to consider what kind of messaging I was speaking to myself and about myself.

Her words really impacted me and I was so grateful that she had the courage to speak words of truth that I needed to hear.

#3. You Aren’t Going to Please Everyone

You just aren’t. And as a 33-year-old, I’ve gotten really secure in this.

I sometimes forget, but for the most part, I’m really and truly okay with disappointing some people. Because it’s just a fact of life: you can’t please everyone all the time. But you can sure exhaust yourself trying.

This past year, I’ve grown more confident in who I am and who I’m not. I’ve grown confident in who I’m called to serve and inspire and who I’m not. I’ve gotten much better at saying “no” and at walking away from opportunities that weren’t a fit for my gifts or season of life.

I’ve also become a lot more content. There’s a lot of talk about “hustle” and “growth” as online entrepreneurs, and while I don’t want to become stagnant as a person, I’ve become really okay with no longer feeling the need to chase — after fame, after numbers, after opportunities, after more.

Because of these things, when someone tells me something they are disappointed in (that I don’t have this option on my site, that I’m not attending that conference, or that I blog or don’t blog a certain way), it doesn’t bother me like it once did.

Just two weeks ago, I got three lengthy emails in the space of a week outlining why these three different individuals didn’t find my blog helpful. I had Jesse read these emails and we talked about them.

We looked to see if there was truth or wisdom in them that I needed to learn from. And ultimately, we decided that what these readers are looking for is not what I’m offering here. There are many people offering what they are looking for and I’m happy to point them in the direction of someone else who can better meet their needs.

But instead of being all hurt or bothered that I was disappointing these people, I realized that I have to focus on doing what I’m gifted at and what I’m passionate about. In doing so, I will bless and encourage those people who need to hear the message I have to share.

P.S. Watch my 3 Important Things I Learned When I Was 33 video here.

Would You Do Me a Birthday Favor?

If you’re usually a quiet reader here, I’d LOVE it if you “de-lurked” this week and either left a comment on this post introducing yourself or sent me an email introducing yourself.

Hearing from my readers is one of my favorite things, so if you have a moment, I’d love to hear a little about you — where you’re from, how long you’ve been reading here, and anything else about you/your family that you’d like to share. Thanks SO much!