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Tag Archive: The Crystal Paine Show

How to Have a Stronger Marriage

Want to have a stronger marriage? In this episode, Jesse and I talk about our #1 tip for building a stronger relationship and having less conflict and disagreements.

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Jesse and I are so very, very different. And I love it so much (well, most of the time!)

Case in point: Jesse and I went to Home Depot recently to pick out lighting fixtures for the bathroom renovation. I walked in, scanned the shelves, and picked the first fixture that was inexpensive and looked like it would match.

Jesse, on the other hand, had spent at least an hour beforehand looking at multiple websites, researching brands, and comparing options. Then, in store, he analyzed the pros and cons, price, and durability of each potential lighting fixture.

Even though our differences can sometimes drive each other batty, the longer we’ve been married, the more we appreciate how our unique perspective compliments the other.

For instance, if I were the only one in charge of choosing a lighting fixture, my lack of research and hasty decision-making would land us with a lemon of a light fixture that wouldn’t work well and wouldn’t last.

On the other hand, if Jesse were solely in charge of picking out a light fixture, he’d probably still be in Home Depot right now… because there’s always something else you need to research.

And that’s why we need each other. He’s the slow down to my hurry up. And I love him so much!

When we stop trying to change our spouse and instead appreciate the gift that their differences bring to our life, it transforms our marriage!

In this episode, we share more about how learning to see, accept, and embrace our differences has changed our marriage in such a powerful way. And we share how this can apply to all relationships.

In This Episode: 

[00:26] – We’re back! Hear about our foray into fostering through respite care.

[03:48] – What’s saving our lives? For Jesse it’s the YNAB app. For me? It’s Waze.

[11:41] – Jesse talks about a book he just finished and I read a poignant excerpt of a book I just finished that goes hand-in-hand with our last episode.

[16:33] – Today Jesse and I share about our number one tip for creating a stronger marriage (well, Jesse isn’t quite sure about that!)

[19:20] – We discuss one of the things that has caused the most conflict in our marriage and how it has played out over the years.

[22:09] – Trying to change your spouse never works… it only creates more conflict and tension.

[22:55] – The secret to healthier, happier relationships? Recognize, own, and embrace your differences and see them as a gift.

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email: crystal@moneysavingmom.com

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

The lies we believed

Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? I definitely have struggled with this. In this episode, Jesse and I talk about how the lies we believe about ourselves can become our truths and can hold us back and make us miserable.

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

For the longest time, the words that I believed about myself were, “Not enough.” I had believed this lie long enough that it became my truth.

The Lies I Believed

I believed I wasn’t good enough for friendship, so that’s why I didn’t have any close friends. To combat this, I became a world class people pleaser — and I spent years agonizing over whether people approved of me and working hard to win and keep approval.

I believed I wasn’t good enough when it came to school, so I tried to prove myself by becoming a workaholic and building a successful business. My hope was that this would show that I had worth and value. But I still felt like a big imposter.

I believed I wasn’t enough for my Heavenly Father so I worked hard to become the best Christian ever… and followed a strict set of rules for what I wore, what I did, what I didn’t do, what books I read, what kinds of movies I watched, who I associated with. But all of this made me feel like I just needed to do better, try harder, strive more.

I was inwardly miserable, constantly stressed and anxious, regularly struggling with panic attacks, incredibly lonely, and often suicidal.

The Truth That Set Me Free

And then Jesus swooped in and, through His grace and kindness, He revealed to me the life-transforming power of the Gospel.

He died on the Cross so I can stop striving. When I put my faith in Him, I no longer have to try to be good enough. I am covered by the blood and when God looks at me He sees *Jesus*.

It took me a few years to believe this truth and let it soak in deep. But when I did, it set me FREE!

I am… Loved. Accepted. Pre-Approved. I have incredible worth. In Christ. I am fully loved and chosen by the Creator of the Universe. And that is what defines me now.

Have you ever struggled with believing lies about yourself? Today on the podcast, Jesse and I share more about the lies we believed and the steps we took to break free from those lies in order to walk in freedom & truth!

In This Episode: 

[03:23] – Cleaning out the kids’ closets has been on my list… for months! Hear why I’m challenging you to go ahead and start/finish the thing you’ve been putting off!

[04:51] – What’s saving our lives this week? A Freeze Sleeve? Yup!

[11:25] – This audiobook surprised me.

[17:03] – Last week talked about responding to negativity with confidence. This week we’re diving deeper into being proactive in building confidence.

[19:44] – When we believe our own lies and that’s what we lead with, that’s what people believe about you.

[20:56] – Learn what started my journey in debunking the lies I believed about myself.

[23:48] – Jesse shares some of his internal lies and how this journey has affected our marriage. 

[27:46] – Your worth is not in what you do, it’s in who you are! I challenge you to seek the truth so that you can walk in confidence.

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email: crystal@moneysavingmom.com

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

Graphic from @jenniferdukeslee

How to Handle Negative, Critical Comments

What’s the best thing to do when you get a negative comment or find out you have disappointed someone? In this episode, Jesse and I talk about how to handle negative comments and what true confidence looks like. 

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Crystal Paine with cup of tea

We Get to Choose Our Response

I’m coming at ya with no makeup and wet hair to say this important word to you: We can’t choose what other people say about us or say to us, but we do get to choose our response.

Every day, pretty much, I hear from people who don’t like something I’ve done or not done.

It could be as simple as the fact that I use plastic bags (a number of people have been really bothered by this recently) or something much bigger like that they think I’m failing as a leader (this was something that happened this past year in a leadership position I was in).

How should you respond when other people are bothered, hurt, upset, offended, or critical of you (or are expressing valid concerns)? Well, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this regard and have learned (and am learning!) a lot of things the hard way.

Our Response is Always Our Responsibility.

True confidence is not figuring out how to get everyone to like you; it’s confidently being true to who you were created to be — even when you know not everyone is going to like you.

This has been one of the greatest (and hardest!) lessons for me to learn in life… that it’s okay if I’m a disappointment to some people or people just don’t like me.

I won’t lie. I still struggle with this many days. But the more that I know who I am in Christ, the less I worry about what other people think. And the more I rest in how much I am loved by God, the less I worry about gaining the approval of others.

I think it will be a lifelong journey for me and I doubt I’ll ever be 100% over ever insecurity this side of heaven. But I’m celebrating the progress and growing confidence to be true to who I have been created to be, regardless of what others think.

This week on the podcast, Jesse and I have a real honest conversation about what to do when you get a negative comment or disappoint someone or someone is just not happy with you for one reason or another. We talk in-depth about how to respond and the difference between being confident and cocky.

Remember: we have no control over what others say to us, but our response is always our responsibility. ❤️

In This Episode: 

[04:38] – Listen for the return of “What’s saving our lives!”

[10:39] – Jesse and I talk about the books we have been reading recently and I share a quote from one that really impacted me.

[14:02] – Check out how to earn Amazon gift cards and hear about our new hot deals email list.

[15:49] – We dig into today’s topic on confidence and disappointing people. What is confidence? How do you build it? How is it different than being cocky?

[28:06] – It’s so easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the negativity of the 1% instead of remembering that there is no way we can please everyone.

[30:03] – What does it look like to truly live as loved?

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email: crystal@moneysavingmom.com

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

Raising Kids Who Want to Talk to Us

How do you get your kids to want to talk to you? How do you foster open communication and trust? In this episode, Jesse and I share some lessons we’ve learned the hard way when it comes to building trust with our kids.

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Building Trust With Our Kids

“Do you feel like you can come to us and share your struggles honestly?”

We sat the girls down last week and asked them this question. I told them that someone had requested we do a podcast episode on building trust and open communication with your kids and we wanted to get their truthful opinion on whether they felt it was a topic we could tackle.

Four years ago, I was deep in the trenches of parenting for my own reputation. When a child was struggling or had made a bad choice, I approached it — unknowingly — from the perspective of, “What will make me look good as a parent?”

It’s hard to admit that out loud, but it’s true. I cared way more what people thought of ME than I cared about my kids’ hearts.

As a result of this, I wasn’t close with my kids. I didn’t truly know their hearts.

There wasn’t a trust relationship built up and they didn’t feel like they could honestly share how they felt — because I would probably snap at them if I felt like they weren’t approaching something maturely enough. (They’ve since told me this was how they felt.)

The Guilt I Carried as a Mom

There was very little grace in my parenting and I carried around a heavy backpack full of guilt… for how I was failing, for the ways my kids weren’t living up to my expectations of them. All of this was rooted in my unhealthy prioritization of what others thought of me.

In turn, I became my kids’ critic, nit-picker, and Holy Spirit. I struggled to see the good because I was constantly frustrated by how they were falling short.

And every day, I was driving a bigger wedge between my kids and me.

This week on the podcast — with the girls’ blessing and lots of their input and suggestions (!) — we share what has changed in the way we approach parenting. We talk about practical ways we’ve fostered trust and good communication with our kids (most of the ideas we share are suggestions the girls gave — and they did not hold back in their thoughts and opinions on this!)

In This Episode: 

[00:57] – Jesse and I recap our travel adventures in Utah, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho — including our thoughts on Grand Teton National ParkYellowstone National Park, and Old Faithful.

[19:49] – Believe it or not, Jesse read more than me this past week! He shares the two books he recently finished.

[22:00] – Want your kids to keep reading over the summer? Check out this printable we created!

[23:41] – On this episode, we answer another one of our listener’s questions about establishing a trusting and open relationship with our kids. We talk about the importance of making time for one-on-one conversations, but not trying to force them. {Kathrynne’s advice!}

[29:19] – We also discuss how being willing to apologize and admit when we’re wrong can make such a difference. One thing that has made a big difference is us acknowledging with our kids that feelings are not wrong, but it’s how we act on those feelings.

[31:57] – Ask questions to open the doors of communication and listen rather than preach sermons! Step into your kid’s world and invite them to share in yours. Spend time doing things that your kids like to do!

[40:13] – We share ways we’ve let the kids make their own decisions in their lives, allowing us to build our trust.

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email: crystal@moneysavingmom.com

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

Some of our very favorite things

Want to know what some of our favorite things are? In this episode, Jesse and I share about our favorite books, movies, podcasts, and much more.

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Some of Our Very Favorite Things

We’ve had some pretty heavy topics on the podcast recently, so we decided to do something fun and more lighthearted for this week’s episode of The Crystal Paine Show.

I asked on Instagram for your best ideas for a lighthearted podcast topic idea and many of you requested that Jesse and I do a Favorite Things episode. 

So pretend you’re sitting down at the table with us having coffee (or tea!) and let’s talk about some of our favorite things. We tell you our favorite:

  • Book
  • Movie
  • Season
  • Place We’ve Lived
  • Bible Verse
  • Color
  • Podcast
  • Place We’ve Traveled To
  • Fruit/Vegetable
  • Thing We Love About Each Other

A Note On This Recording

We recorded the first half of the episode right before we left for our Foster Care licensing training (our last training session! Yay! Now we start our home study!). We didn’t have enough time to get it all recorded, so we ended up recording all of the Favorite Things section after 10 p.m. — which would have been 3 a.m. Iceland time (we had just gotten back from Iceland the night before).

So if you listen closely and are confused as to why we mention it being late and us being tired in the second half, that’s why! I should have done a better job of explaining this in the episode since we start out the episode talking about recording it in the late afternoon. 🙂

In This Episode: 

[01:53] – If you want to know what NOT to do when going to Iceland, we’ll give you the scoop on that + some of the highlights from our trip!

[07:31] – Every time I share about this tip, people have all sorts of questions. But it truly has been saving my life recently! 

[12:04] – I finally got to finish Digital Minimalism while we were on our trip!

[14:41] – Thanks to our followers on Instagram for today’s topic: Our Favorite Things! We start off by discussing our favorite books, music, and season.

[20:35] – Then we move to talking about our favorite place we’ve lived, movies we’ve watched, Bible verses, colors, and podcasts.

[29:57] – Finally, we end with our favorite places we’ve traveled to in the US and internationally, our favorite fruit and veggie, and we end a little on a sappy note — with our favorite things about each other.

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email: crystal@moneysavingmom.com

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

For Those Who Struggle With Anxiety

Do you struggle with anxiety? Does your spouse or someone close to you struggle with anxiety? In this episode, Jesse shares really openly about his battles with anxiety and what has helped him not live so paralyzed in fear.

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Struggling With Anxiety?

A few months ago, I did an Instagram Live on anxiety where I talked about what to say to someone who struggles with anxiety.

In that video, I opened up about walking with Jesse through his anxiety and the lessons that I’ve learned through it. After I did that video, I got a lot of feedback and followup questions and some requests for us to do a podcast dedicated to the topic.

I asked Jesse if he’d be willing to record a podcast episode with me on the topic — and he said yes!

Don’t miss this week’s really honest episode on anxiety. Jesse shares candidly about all the sleepless nights and doctor’s visits and tests he’s had and what has helped him to process through his anxiety and not live life paralyzed in fear.

If you’ve ever battled anxiety or you are close to someone who does, I hope Jesse’s story and honesty will really encourage you.

In This Episode:

[00:26] – Welcome back to the Traveling Diaries of the Paine family! I start by giving some life updates and sharing some funny . and rather crazy stories from the past few days.

[12:05] – Today, Jesse is opening up about his struggles with anxiety. His anxiety has manifested itself through fear of storms, health-related anxiety, and travel anxiety. We talk about how some of this was likely related to trauma from his childhood.

[21:56] – What do you say to someone who is struggling with anxiety? It was hard to know how to respond when Jesse would spin out with health-related stress. Should I have compassion or should I tell him it’s anxiety? We’ve spent a lot of money on health-related tests and Jesse has spent hours upon hours and sleepless nights Googling his health conditions.

[26:48] – We chat about what not to say to someone with anxiety and how you need to address the root of the anxiety, not just the surface manifestation. Also, Jesse shares what has helped him stop being so controlled by anxiety. It’s simple, but it’s made such a difference. 

[36:12] – Not all anxiety is created equal! Make sure to treat your anxiety holistically.

[39:58] – Acknowledging and healing our own anxiety has helped us to better parent by recognizing anxiety triggers and giving our kids the space to express their emotions and feelings.

Links and Resources:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission — at no additional cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!