Money Saving Mom®

She came up to me after a session at a conference I spoke at recently. She had but one thing she wanted to say: “Thank you for saving my life.”

She told me about her months-long struggle with postpartum depression. How she didn’t want to live. How she didn’t know how she could keep going in the dark hole she was in.

There seemed no way out. She was tired of waking up everyday with an oppressive black cloud hanging over her head.

She was lifeless and hopeless. And suicide seemed like the best answer.

But then, when she was at rock bottom, she read my post about my own journey with postpartum depression. And for the first time in months, she saw a ray of hope… and she realized that maybe what she was experiencing was depression.

No one had mentioned it to her. She had never even considered it as a possibility.

Had I not posted about it, she told me she didn’t think she would have made that doctor’s appointment, sought that medical help, and, after months of treatment, climbed up out of that pit of depression and starting living with energy and joy again.

News of Robin Williams’ death reminded me of this woman’s story. And of why those of us who have gone through depression need to be sharing our stories. Because if one life can be spared as a result of our willingness to speak out, it is so very worth it.

I listened to the reporters on TV and I kept hearing them say that Robin’s suicide was “incomprehensible”.

Every time they said that word, it upset me. Because those of us who have survived depression or who are struggling through depression know how far you can spiral down and how black the hole can be.

It’s far from “incomprehensible” to us who have been in that lonely, dark, and suffocating pit. As Ann Voskamp wrote:

We could tell you what we know.

That — depression is like a room engulfed in flames and you can’t breathe for the sooty smoke smothering you limp — and suicide is deciding there is no way but to  jump straight out of the burning building.

That when the unseen scorch on the inside finally sears intolerably hot –  you think a desperate lunge from the flames and the land of the living seems the lesser of two unbearables.

That’s what you’re thinking — that if you’d do yourself in, you’d be doing everyone a favor.

I don’t know what was going through Robin’s head and heart when he made a decision to end his life, but I do know the desperation that can take you to that place.

If you are in that desperate place right now, I want you to know that there is a way out of that pit.

Please, please, please, don’t hide your pain and hurt and desperation. Reach out to family, friends, and wise professionals. Find a safe place to talk about how much you’re struggling. Schedule an appointment with your doctor. Talk to your pastor or counselor.

Don’t try to hold on and pretend you are okay when you feel like everything inside of you is screaming out that it’s not. There is hope. There is healing. Reach out today and ask for help… before it’s too late.

I’m prone to take on too much. To pack my days too full. And to end up in a state of busyness. Which then leads to rush.

I wake up feeling behind and then go throughout the entire day feeling like I need to work as quickly as possible, to get as much done as possible, because I have too much to do.

When I feel like this, I don’t feel like I have time to stop and savor anything.

• I don’t have time to look into my child’s eyes and really listen to the story they are trying to tell me.
• I don’t have time to stop and call my good friend when she texts me to say she’s feeling completely overwhelmed.
• I don’t have time to sit and just be with my husband, even though his quality time love tank is running dry.
• And on and on it goes.

Instead, I’ve got “Very Important Things” to accomplish. But in the process of trying to accomplish all my “Very Important Things”, I shortchange the Very Most Important People in my life.

Over the past few years, I’ve been simplifying my life. Paring down and cutting out the non-essentials. Saying “no” to the mediocre or even the good in an effort to say “yes” to the best.

And most of all, I’ve been working on learning the art of being fully present in the moment. Not thinking ahead of where I need to be in 30 minutes or what I still need to accomplish. Not stressing over what hasn’t been done yet. Not mentally reviewing how far behind I am. Just giving myself wholeheartedly to what is in front of me.

As I said, I’m still working on this… and it may be a lifelong journey for me. Which is why I’m especially excited that my friend, Lysa TerKeurst, has another amazing book coming out called The Best Yes. I heard Lysa share a powerful message on this topic at the SheSpeaks Conference and it made me ever so eager to get a copy of this book and read it STAT.

There’s no such thing as hearing this message too often. Plus, knowing Lysa, this book is going to shake up my thinking, cause me to really analyze my decisions and priorities, and overall mess with me in a really good way. Because that’s just what Lysa’s writing and messages do for me.

I’m already preparing to have my toes stepped on. 😉

In the mean time, I’m following along with Lysa’s 7-Day Unrush Your Schedule Instagram Challenge. I’m looking for everyday opportunities to stop and take time to be fully present, to be quiet and just soak up my surroundings, and to really savor the life right in front of me.

For those who don’t follow me on Instagram, I thought it’d be fun to share some of my photos from the past few days here…

Day 1: Saturday

Enjoyed a few of my favorite things today: a quiet day at home, a mason jar full of The Shrinker, metal straws, comfy pj pants–at 4 pm in the afternoon(!), and purple nail polish (I’ve been experimenting with different DIY mani colors while working on growing my nails out and have discovered that purple makes me feel alive and energetic!)

Day 2: Sunday

We’re back on the road again today… This time on our way to Arkansas and Missouri for time with both of our extended families. Enjoying getting a lot of reading done on our drive, including this pre-release copy of Living Well Spending Less by Ruth Soukup.

Day 3: Monday

My view right now… So thankful for a quiet week to unplug at Bull Shoals Lake and for lots of laughter and memory-making with our extended family.

Day 4: Tuesday

A peek into my day today: Grandpa teaching Silas how to water ski, watching Kathrynne in her element on skis on the water, and Silas loving cheering for his sister’s success!

Day 5: Wednesday

Today: this man of mine (@jessepaine) took me to rent jet skis and we jetted away the afternoon together, soaking up the sunshine, the beautiful lake views, and the fresh air. It was good for my soul. And also? So thankful for this man and the life of adventure we share together. After 11 1/2 years and lots of ups and downs, I’d still marry him all over again in a heartbeat!

What about you? What have you done to “unrush your schedule” this week? Have you taken time to just stop and savor the everyday?

Want to join me in this challenge? If so, you can post your pictures on Instagram using the hashtag #unrushme. I’d love for you to tag me (@themoneysavingmom) so I can be inspired by how you’re slowing down and really soaking up life!

Jolanthe from Homeschool Creations shares how she’s encouraging herself to be more efficient and productive:

Whatever the reason, I’ve pulled something back into play the last two weeks to help give me a boost and put a dent in the seemingly mountain-sized pile of things that need to get done before we start back up to school.

A simple timer.

I pull up the timer on my iPod, set it for 20 minutes and go. For me that can mean limiting myself to 20 minutes of something (maybe a quick reading break of one of my books to read in 2014) or giving myself a set time to accomplish a specific task like the kitchen counters. It definitely isn’t to play Candy Crush (cough).

And truly, you all – 20 minutes can put a HUGE dent in a task that needs to be finished. It seems like a small amount of time, but it can break up something huge and make it more manageable. Maybe it’s tackling a larger project 20 minutes at a time. Or maybe that 20 minutes will be all it takes to get it DONE and off your list (and mind). The short time frame is also great for me to stay focused (I tend to be a bit ADD) – so I am able to focus on one task for a short time, and then switch to a different task when that time is up.

Read the full post and see pictures of her 20 minute accomplishments — very inspiring!

Last week, a local blogger graciously invited me to go to a local Wine & Dine Event being hosted by StitchFix.

I’ve wanted to get to know more about StitchFix ever since a number of friends started raving about the service the past year and it sounded like a great way to get to meet some local bloggers, so I accepted the invitation.

And then I realized what I’d done.

What was I thinking?? Introverted me accepting an invitation to spend all evening with a bunch of people I don’t know??

And not only that, but did I mention that StitchFix is a company that sends you a box of clothing/jewelry based upon your fashion preferences?!? When I realized that, I wasn’t just stressed about being in tight quarters all evening with people I didn’t know at all, but then I started panicking over what on earth I would wear!!

Knowing the kind of event it was and who was hosting it, I was sure everyone would probably wear cute cocktail dresses and adorable jewelry. They probably dress like that most all the time and wouldn’t even think twice about what they were going to wear.

Me, on the other hand? I pretty much only wear jeans, t-shirts, maxi dresses, and yoga pants. {Yup, I SUCH a fashionista. Gulp.}

So yeah, I was kind of concerned about what I was going to wear. Adding to the anxiety was the fact that we’d just gotten home from our trip to the SheSpeaks conference the night before and basically everything in my current “cute clothing” repertoire needed to be washed.

{There are blessings and curses to having a minimalist wardrobe! :)}

I realized all of this right before I was supposed to leave… which is never a good thing.

After about 30 minutes of effort, I finally pulled an outfit together that I was happy with, got dressed, fixed my hair, and jumped into the car.

I looked at the time and looked at Google Maps and realized I would just barely make it on time.

Whew! Crisis averted.

I took a deep breath and then saw the gas gauge.

Yikes! I only had enough gas left in the tank to get a few miles. Never mind on getting there right on time, now I was going to have to stop and get gas.

I started to feel all uptight again. And then it got worse as I realized I’ve never gotten gas in either vehicle since we’ve lived here in TN and I had no clue where the best/nearest gas station was.

{I know that might seem really absurd. But want to know a random fact about me? I basically never ever put gas in our vehicles. Jesse always does it for me because he loves to! Yes, I’m spoiled!}

In the process of being so intensely focused on trying to remember where the nearest gas station is to our house here in TN, I made a wrong turn and got stuck in rush hour traffic.

This was not going well.

I finally made it to the gas station only to realize that I’d left my debit card at home. I rarely ever swipe my debit card (I’m a cash-only gal as much as is humanly possible… which is pretty much all the time!), so I didn’t even think to bring it.

But now not having it was going to add even extra time to my already-running-quite-late ticker. Argh!

I ran up to the kiosk to pay, hurriedly plunked down two $20 bills, and waited impatiently for the cashier to finish ringing up my pre-pay gas purchase. Then he looked at me and asked puzzled, “Did you mess with the gas pump? Because the one you’re pulled up to looks like something’s messed up with it and it’s not working.”

For real? I didn’t know whether to cry or shriek at this point. But I held it together while he sent a mechanic out to fix the gas pump.

He was able to fix it quickly, I got the tank filled up, and finally, finally, finally, I was on my way again — by now running almost 20 minutes late.

Truthfully, I sincerely considered texting my friend to back out of the event. I hated to walk in so late — especially because I had no idea what the set-up would be and knew that walking in 20 minutes late could be really rude.

But at the same time, I had already worked so hard to get out the door and on the road, I figured it was too late to turn back now. So instead, I took many deep breaths, prayed for God to go before me and prayed that it would all work out and not be conspicuous for me to walk in late, and then I texted my friend to let her know I was going to be running late.

She was so gracious and told me that it was no big deal at all. I took more deep breaths, prayed some more, found the venue where the event was being hosted, and gathered up my courage to walk in the door, and pretend I’m not an introvert.

The evening was nothing like I expected. Yes, there were many cute dresses and adorable jewelry all around. Yes, the room was packed with mostly people whom I didn’t know at all. And yes, it seemed like everyone else knew most of the others and felt completely in their comfort zone.

In the past, any one of these things would have been enough to cause me to hyperventilate and feel completely awkward and out of place. And at first, that’s exactly how I felt.

But then I remembered my new mantra of fully embracing life, so I forced myself to tune out the voices of insecurity and doubt in my head telling me all sorts of lies about I didn’t fit in this group or that I was an outsider. Instead, I decided to look for someone to bless and encourage.

Guess what? I ended up having a great time! The evening was filled with meeting new people, in-depth heart-to-heart conversations, great food, and lots of laughter. And when the event was winding down, I didn’t want to leave.

I’m so glad I didn’t say no to the invitation, even though it was out of my comfort zone. I’m so glad I didn’t turn around and chicken out when I was running so behind. And I’m so glad I got over myself and my own silly insecurities and awkwardness and chose to focus on other people instead.

I would have missed out on a beautiful and fun evening. Also? The success of how the experience turned out gives me courage to continue to keep stepping outside my comfort zone, to continue to tune out the voices or insecurity, and to remember to focus on other people the next time I feel awkward and out of place.