Money Saving Mom®

One of our girls was hanging out in our room before bed the other night. We were chatting about a number of different things and the conversation led to this daughter telling me some fairly critical things about someone they didn’t really know.

Immediately, I called this daughter out on it. “How do you know that person is that way? Have you met them?” I asked.

She said that she was very sure these things were true because another acquaintance of hers had told her it was so. I began probing deeper, asking if she had contributed to the conversation and had talked badly about this person. I asked what had been said and what she had said.

Seeing my opportunity for a great teaching lesson, I got all queued up to step onto my soapbox and launch into a long “sermon” on gossip, slander, and why we should always speak respectfully about other people — both to their face and behind their back.

{If you know me well, I’m sure you can picture this because you know I love nothing more than to be a “fixer”. I love to analyze, probe, ask questions, and provide clear-cut solutions and plans of action.

This might seem like a good character trait — and it can be. But my friends will also tell you that I’m great at trying to fix any and every situation, regardless of whether it needs to be fixed right away or at all.

And best of all (or not), I’m really good at trying to fix situations I haven’t been asked to fix. Yeah. Not so good or helpful or appreciated. But I digress.}

I was getting pretty animated and patting myself on the back for the great points I was conveying to my daughter. Not only was I giving her some really concise and clear-cut definitions, I was backing these definitions up with illustrations.

All the while, inwardly I’m thinking: “Man, I’ve GOT this. I mean, I’m really good at these Parenting Lessons. My daughter is so blessed to have such a wise mom.”

Ahem.

About halfway through my “AMAZING” Parenting Lesson, my daughter stops me with a funny look on her face.

“Mom, but I don’t get it. Because I hear you saying critical stuff about other people to Daddy all the time.”

Um, can you say BUSTED? My puffed up, I’ve-got-this, incredible sermon just got completely sucker-punched.

I was left speechless {which my husband would say is a very rare occurrence.}

There was nothing more I could say. Because, you see, my daughter was right.

I have been guilty of saying critical words about other people to my husband.* I didn’t realize my daughter was listening when I’ve said these things, but she was.

Minutes before, I was arrogantly thinking what a wise mom I was. Now, I had to humble myself and ask my daughter to forgive me for setting such a poor example before her. And I resolved, with God’s help, to be much more careful about the words I say, the attitude I have toward others, and the example I’m setting before my kids.

My children are watching, listening, and learning every day in how I live my life. What I try to teach my children with verbal parenting lessons does have weight, but the life I live before them is what matters most.

All the fancy, clear-cut, compelling parenting sermons in the world don’t matter if my life doesn’t match up to them.

*While there is a time and place for me to bring an issue with another person to my husband for his counsel, that time and place is never when my children are around to hear it (unless it clearly involves them and is something that discussing about as a group will be helpful to them, instead of just slander and gossip). Even then, situations when I need to discuss some problem about another person with my husband should be rare, not a regular occurrence.

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I woke up this morning knowing something was really wrong.

One of my eyes seemed all cloudy and blurry.

I rubbed it. I washed my face. I tried going downstairs to see if a change of scenery would help.

I tried blinking multiple times. I waited ten minutes thinking maybe I just needed to wake up more or something.

Nothing. It was still all blurry and cloudy.

I started getting concerned… thinking through everything I’d done the day before, everything I’d eaten, how I’d slept.

Finally, I told Jesse that something was wrong with my eyesight. I confessed I was even worried I was going to slowly lose my eyesight (I know, I know, I’m a total worst case scenario person!)

And then it hit me: had I taken out both contacts last night? I was sure I had, but just to rule out every possibility, I stuck my finger in the eye that wasn’t blurry and starting swiping it to see if my contact was still there.

Um, yup. It totally was.

So instead of losing my eyesight, I appear to be losing my brain… because I somehow managed to only take out one contact last night before bed. Don’t ask me how, but I guess it’s better than accidentally showing up to some event and forgetting to get dressed (I have dreams that I do this all. the. time.)

I felt pretty dumb at this point. I mean, here I was running through all these scenarios of losing my eyesight and the problem was incredibly simple: I had a contact in one eye and didn’t have a contact in the other eye. This threw my vision out of whack and made one eye seem very, very blurry.

As I went about my morning, I not only felt relieved, but I also began thinking about how a change of perspective can change everything. Sometimes, it’s not exactly what meets the eye (pun fully intended).

For instance, not too long ago, I got a comment from a reader who was very upset that I had posted a picture of a Starbucks cup. She was upset that I’d spend so much money buying coffee when it’s so much cheaper to make it yourself. She went so far as to say she wasn’t sure if she could keep reading my blog because it seemed hypocritical for me to blog about frugal living and drink Starbucks at the same time.

While I completely understand that a picture of a Starbucks drink on MoneySavingMom.com might seem like a contradiction, it’s not always what it seems at first glance. In the case of the Starbucks cup, it was a coffee I’d bought at the airport, because you can’t bring homemade coffee through security (I wish!).

In addition, it was only plain coffee, not some fancy drink (coffee is actually one of the cheapest drinks you can buy at the airport). Plus, in this instance, the conference I was traveling to speak at, had given me a generous food allowance for everyday and was reimbursing me for all food expenses. And not only that, but I actually used a Starbucks gift card I’d earned from Swagbucks  to pay for my coffee.

So you see, it’s not always what meets the eye. A change of perspective can make a big difference.

Now, I don’t say all of this because I feel the need to defend myself for occasionally drinking Starbucks coffee. I share this because it was a good lesson for me: I can be quick to jump to conclusions or judge based upon the appearance of what something seems when I don’t know all of the facts.

In the future, I want to remember that it’s not always what it seems. Before I criticize someone or get frustrated or worked up over something, I want to first make sure I know all the facts.

Because sometimes, I just need to change my perspective. Well, and make sure that I actually take both of my contacts out, too. 🙂

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