How do you do it? Mom, Wife, Cook, Clean, Homeschool, Blog, Coupon, and all around Happy Woman? Here’s a little on me: We just recently moved. Now we are 4 hours from family and friends so its just me and my 6 month old son. I LOVE your articles on 21 days to a clean house, freezer cooking, morning routines, and enjoy reading your goals list. My mom explained that being a supermom takes time and practice. I just want to know where to start.
There are 3 grocery stores to watch deals at, couponing, cleaning the house, trying to cook some dinner and maybe even some snacks, oh yeah, and taking care of my 6 month old that I recently started cloth diapering and I want to make some food for him (cook it up and blend it is WAY cheaper than buying jars!) And there are still a lot of boxes to unpack, and from there, donate and sell stuff and sort papers. I can’t do it all. Where do I start? -Jen
Let me just set your mind at ease, Jen: I’m not superwoman and I am far from having my act all together. All my local friends will tell you that I’ve got plenty of areas where I struggle in — just like everyone else. 🙂
That said, my heart goes out to you as a young mom. I well remember feeling so overwhelmed and inadequate with all of life’s demands when I just had my first baby. And I wanted to answer your question as best as I could, in hopes that it might encourage you and other moms out there who are struggling with feeling inadequate or just feeling overwhelmed with life’s demands.
Tonight, I’ll talk about how I do it (or don’t!). Tomorrow, I’ll share some suggestions I thought of for how you can find more peace, order, and fulfillment as a wife and mom.
1. I Don’t Do It All
As I’ve mentioned many times before, I lost my superwoman cape in the dirty laundry pile a long time ago. 😉 I think it coincided with the birth of my third child. That’s when I realized I so did not have my act together and needed to streamline if I were going to survive.
Also, I wanted to not just survive; I wanted to thrive. I didn’t want to look back at the end of my life and feel like I’d wasted my years. I’ve only got one shot at life and I want to use it well.
As a result, I’ve realized that I can’t do it all. I can’t even do a lot of things. I can only do a few things well. So, I’ve prayerfully chose what few things were priorities in my life (see my list here) and then I’ve been seeking to wrap my life around those things.
By choosing to only do a few things, I’ve been able to make those things a priority and focus. This simplifies my life and it helps me to stop feeling guilty about all the things I’m not doing that other people are. There may be a season for those things, but right now, I just gotta stick with a few things!
2. I Have a Very Supportive Husband
There is no way I could or would be blogging, running a business, speaking, and writing books if it weren’t for my husband. He’s my number one cheerleader and he is so excited about the opportunities and doors God is opening for me.
My husband is fantastic and we’re truly a team. As I mentioned last week, we both work together for the economy of our home. That means, it’s not uncommon at all for him to be helping with cleaning or dishes, he usually takes care of the kids’ bedtime routine, and he helps with the homeschooling.
3. I Set Boundaries — Even When It’s Hard
After reaching the point of burnout a few years back, I’ve put some really clear cut boundaries in place when it comes to what I will take on and commit to. For starters, we try be home at least 4 nights each week and I try to stay home all day at least two full days every week. This helps provide a calmer home environment for us and prevents us from always rushing around to the next thing.
I’m a big believer in margin. I try to do something fun and enjoyable every day — even if it’s just 15 minutes of reading a good book. Because of my Type A personality, I’ve come to realize that if I’m not intentional about making fun and relaxation a priority, it won’t happen much. And I need to stop and smell the roses and have that white space in each day to give me energy and refuel my tank.
If life has been especially busy for a few weeks, I’ll declare a PJ Day and we’ll just stay home, take it easy, snuggle up and read, and/or watch a movie. Or, we’ll just go out and go to the library or the park for something different.
We take every Sunday off — off from media, off from blogging, off from our usual responsibilities. After church, we often go drive around (something my husband loves to do!), we sometimes stop for Sonic Happy Hour, and we typically have a leisurely extended lunch just hanging out as a family: talking, teasing, and catching up. After lunch, we usually read or take naps. And then we head to my family’s house around 6 p.m. for dinner with all of my side of the family. We look forward to Sundays all week long: it recharges and refuels us for the week — and it helps us to stay connected and grounded.
4. I Have Great Help
I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t do everything on my own. For a few years, I had a fantastic mother’s helper come in once a week to do whatever I needed done: deep cleaning, cooking, watching the children, or helping me catch up on laundry. Since my children are older now and able to help more, she’s no longer coming, but it was a huge help during a full season of life.
I’m blessed to have a great team of people who work for me to help shoulder the load of business responsibilities. I’d be completely sunk without them! And my assistant keeps my life running smoothly and orderly — so that I can focus on homeschooling, mothering, and loving my husband while still having time for friendships and margin. We’re also blessed to live near grandparents and extended family who are happy to babysit or help out however needed.
5. And Yes, Sometimes I Feel Like Pulling My Hair Out
Despite all of these things, please don’t get the impression that I have all of my ducks in a row and constantly have a cheerful attitude. There are days when my patience seems nonexistent, there are times when I fail miserably, and there are moments when I want to pull my hair out. God reminds me often of how much I need His grace and help — and how without Him, I am nothing.
Stay tuned for my post tomorrow on some practical steps you can take to find more order in your home and life.
Related: How Can I Be Organized When I Have a Nursing Baby and a Toddler?
I’d love for the rest of you to chime in with your thoughts and advice for Jen. I can’t wait to read your comments and input!
photos from Big Stock
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