Note from Crystal: Mandi asked me if she could blog through my new book, Say Goodbye to Survival Mode. She’ll be sharing one post per chapter per month. I know many of you are reading through the book right now and I thought you’d enjoy hearing her thoughts — and joining in the discussion to share your thoughts, as well.
Guest post by Mandi Ehman from Life Your Way
My one word for 2014 is LIVE.
Like Crystal, I’ve spent many years building a business, saying yes to every opportunity and making sacrifices. While many of those choices have been worth it, since it allows our family to live and work from home together and gives us plenty of flexibility for traveling, etc., I’ve realized that somewhere along the way I decided that being busy and productive was the ultimate goal.
In short, I’ve accepted the Survival Mode mindset and made it my own, and I’ve let the best things in life — reading with the girls, cooking together, saying yes to an impromptu play date or coffee date — get pushed aside.
After taking two months off for maternity leave after the birth of our fifth baby, January was a month of new beginnings — a chance create new habits and get back into the groove of working without falling into all of those bad habits once again.
When Say Goodbye to Survival Mode arrived (I was fortunate to get a preview copy at the beginning of January!), I knew it would become my manual this year as I discover what it’s like to homeschool with a baby in our home (our four girls were born within five years, so I’ve never had to juggle school and a baby before!) and as I look for ways to continue doing my job (which I love and which supports our family) without letting it become the focus of my life.
I read it straight through the week it arrived but decided that I wanted to work through it one chapter at a time this year — along with Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford and Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider — to create a life of abundance rather than one characterized by stress.
Stop Trying to Do It All
This month, I started with the first chapter from Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: Stop Trying to Do It All.
The truth is I’m pretty good at saying no…to all of the wrong things. I say no to playing games, to going on field trips, to spending quality time with the people who are most important to me, all while saying yes to the tyranny of the urgent: emails demanding my attention, yet another business idea, self-imposed deadlines, exhaustion, etc.
In order to make time for the important stuff, though, I first have to learn to say no to the rest of the things that divide my attention and steal my time.
The hard part is that many of those things are good things themselves; but they’re not the best things.
The Four C’s to Creating Margin
To help us differentiate between the two and make time for the things that really matter, in her book, Crystal offers The Four C’s to Creating Margin, which I have been practicing this month:
Create a Personal Priorities List
My personal priorities in 2014 are to:
- Be consistent about daily Bible study and prayer to start each day. {I joined a GoodMorningGirls.org group this month, and so far I love the study and the accountability.}
- Spend quality time with my children, not just quantity time. {I am recommitting myself to looking them in the eyes when they talk to me, playing games together, snuggling on the couch with our read alouds, looking for opportunities for one-on-one outings and inviting them into the kitchen to cook with me.}
- Refocus my business and spend time on the things that directly impact my vision rather than time wasters. {More on this below.}
- Make time for connecting with my husband, not just living life side-by-side. {I’m not a fan of the date night myth, but I do think a strong marriage takes work!}
- Cultivate local friendships. {Say yes to invitations more, which I can only do if I keep my work stress in check.}
Clear the Schedule Clutter
“Just because we are spinning our wheels, rushing from one commitment to the next, doesn’t necessarily mean that we are doing anything worthwhile.”
These words from Crystal cut straight to the chase and made me take a hard look at where I spend my time. What I realized was that I create a lot of extra work for myself.
You see, my desire for excellence in my work can border on perfectionism, and I’ve had to practice taking a step back and reevaluating the way I do things. What I’ve realized is that too often I do things the hard way in my quest for excellence when really no one else will notice and I’m just making more work for myself.
Cut Out Time and Energy Suckers
We all have time and energy suckers in our life, and I am no exception. While I love Facebook for staying connected to friends and family, it’s too easy to get sucked down a rabbit trail. I know I’m not alone in suddenly realizing that I’m spending time reading someone’s profile that I don’t even know just because I’m being nosy.
In addition, when I’m tired or overwhelmed, it’s easy for me to get sucked into the internet vortex (not to be confused with the time I actually set aside to read articles and blog posts, which I consider a fun and important part of my job!). I end up just clicking around aimlessly, and the more I do it, the worse I feel.
Acknowledging my tendency to do these things is at least half the battle, but I’m also consciously practicing closing the window or — better yet, getting up from the computer altogether — when I find myself doing one or the other so that I can reset my focus.
Count the Costs
And finally, in order to make time for social activities, field trips, coffee dates with friends, etc., I’ve had to count the cost of each and every commitment:
Taking on an extra project means eliminating the time in my week that I could use for an outing instead. Saying yes to X means saying no to Y. Every decision in life is like that — we only have so many hours to work with each day, after all — and it’s simply a matter of acknowledging what the cost is before you make the decision so that you know you’re truly choosing the best.
Get Practical
This chapter’s Get Practical tip is easier in theory than it is in practice, but it’s worth the effort: Practice saying no.
While I don’t need to practice saying no to social activities (since one of my goals in 2014 is to actually say yes to more of those), I do need to practice controlling my daily commitments and expectations when it comes to my to-do list, so I’ve been taking Crystal’s advice to “immediately eliminate three things from [my] list” seriously.
I love this practice because it acknowledges that my want-to list is longer than practical and helps me prioritize what I can actually get done in a day right from the start.
Sometimes I move things to later in the week…and sometimes I decide they just don’t need to be done at all!
Next Month…
In January, I focused on saying no and being realistic about the amount of time I actually have, and in February I’ll be moving on to Chapter 2 — Say Good Say Yes to the Best and practicing that very important skill. I’m looking forward to sharing my successes {and failures} with you next month!
Are you reading Say Goodbye to Survival Mode? What were your takeaways and thoughts from chapter one?
Mandi Ehman is an entrepreneur, online publisher and author who is passionate about encouraging other women to live intentionally. She’s the blogger behind Life Your Way, the author of Easy Homemade and the founder of BundleoftheWeek.com. Mandi and her husband have four spunky little girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia.
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