Money Saving Mom®

Missed the first posts in this 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life series? Read them here.

Learn to Say No

I don’t like to let people down. I don’t like to admit I can’t add another thing to my plate. In short, I don’t like saying no.

But in the last few years, I’ve finally come to realize an important truth: superwoman is a myth. If I want to live a productive, efficient, happy, peaceful, and disciplined life, I must learn to say no. And I must say it often.

If you want to stick with your goals, you’re going to have to get good at saying no. It’s hard to do, especially if you’re an over-achiever like me. But you’ll only end up frustrated, exhausted, and depleted if you try to do it all.

The reality is: I can’t do it all. When I say yes to one thing, I must say no to something else. When I choose to make getting up early a priority, I have to say no to habitually staying up late. I also have to say no to most activities and events that would keep me up late.

Count the Costs

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to think before committing to anything: what will be the consequences of saying yes? Will saying yes to this late-night thing throw me off-course and mean that I can’t get up before 5 a.m.? Will saying yes to this big commitment mean that my home and family suffers?

Count the cost of each commitment before you make the final decision. Don’t just blindly say yes when someone tries to convince you that you must do X, Y, or Z. Don’t give in to peer pressure or make decisions based upon what people might think of you if you say no.

Choose the Best Stuff First

You can’t say yes to everything. It’s up to you to pick and choose wisely and say yes to only what is best. If you have leftover time and energy, you can always say yes to some good things, too. But start with the best stuff first.

Practical Application

1) Evaluate all the activities and commitments on your plate right now. Choose one that really doesn’t matter or isn’t helping you move closer to your longterm goals and get rid of it. If it’s something that involves other people, make sure you don’t just walk out on them without tying up all the lose ends first. Tell us in the comments what you decided to cut out from your life. I’m anxious to hear! 🙂

2) Make a habit of saying no more often than you say yes. The peace and order you’ll begin to experience in your life will be well worth the initial difficulty of actually saying no.

How are you doing on your current habit? I went to bed early last night and found it was so much easier to get up at 5 a.m. this morning. I need to do that more often! 🙂 I’m very ready for the weekend and getting to sleep in until 7 a.m., but I’m happy to have made it through another Monday through Thursday of getting up by 5 a.m. every day. (Okay, so I know that I initially said I was going to get up before 5 a.m., but I’ve decided to give myself grace adn just stick with by 5 a.m. for now!)

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Missed the first posts in this 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life series? Read them here.

If you want to succeed at discipline, you have got to be focused. You’ll never hit the bull’s eye if you’re aiming at multiple targets.

Here are three keys for maintaining focus:

1) Remove Distractions

If you are struggling to follow through with your goal(s), step back and examine if there are things that are serving as major distractions:

::Are you on Facebook or reading blogs instead of cleaning up your kitchen at night like you’d committed to? Set up Leechblock on your computer for the hour after dinner so you can’t get on the computer.

::Are you giving in to the temptation to eat two brownies every night, even though you’re trying to lose five pounds? Get rid of the brownies and don’t make anymore! Seriously, it’s better to throw them in the trash if they are keeping you from sticking with your goals.

2) Break Your Goal(s) Into Bite-Sized Pieces

If you look at your goal(s) as a whole, you can quickly get overwhelmed. But when you break it down into small pieces, it becomes much more manageable. In addition, it’s much easier to stay focused if you are only looking at the next few steps ahead of you than the huge mountain you’re aiming to climb.

Trying to lose 50 pounds can be daunting unless you break it down and focus on losing a half pound at a time. Successful marathoners can’t get hung up worrying about how they are going to finish, they just have to pace themselves for this mile or half-mile that they are currently running.

If you have a home piled with clutter, you won’t be able to overhaul it in a day. If, however, you set the timer for 15 minutes every day and work faithfully on it for three months, you’ll see some real progress.

3) Set Yourself Up for Success

It’s easy to make excuses for a lack of discipline, but excuses don’t get you anywhere. Instead, invest the time and effort you’d usually take to make excuses to consider what you can do to set yourself up for success in achieving your goals.

For instance, if you’re trying to get up early but you find that you always fall back to sleep or hit the snooze button, don’t just give up and make the excuse that “I’m not a morning person”. Maybe you’re not, but until you’ve put forth significant effort to try getting up early on a regular basis, you can’t make that statement.

Start winding down for bed at least an hour before you plan to go to bed. Make a point to go to bed an hour or two earlier than you usually do. Buy an alarm without a snooze, set multiple alarms, or have a friend call you at 6 a.m. every morning. Make yourself get right out of bed and jump in the shower to wake yourself up. Or, put your shoes on and go out for a morning run. Even if you’re dog tired, you’ll probably feel wide awake by the time you get home!

Practical Application

1) Consider what is distracting you from staying focused on your goal(s). How can you remove these distractions?

2) If you didn’t do so earlier in this series, take the time to break your goal(s) down into small bite-sized pieces. If applicable, set a specific timeframe for accomplishing each of these small pieces.

3) What things are hindering your success in following through with your goal(s)? What steps can you take to set you up for better success?

How are you doing on your current habit? I got up at 5 a.m. again this morning. I practically had to drag myself out of bed, but I was glad that I did later. And after a brisk run, a shower, and a cup of coffee, I felt quite energetic. However, I’m going to bed an hour earlier tonight, because I’m beginning to feel low on sleep!

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Missed the first posts in the 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life series? Read them here.

Early this morning, my friend Angie texted me with a question about freezer cooking. As we were texting back and forth she asked, “Did you run this morning?”

You see, Angie and I have both been individually trying to get up early and run in the mornings. We both know we feel better and accomplish more when we do it, but it’s not always easy–especially on cold mornings.

This morning when she texted me, I hadn’t run yet as I was hard at work wrapping up the details to post about my free freezer cooking ebook. Her text was just the motivation I needed to pull myself up out of the comfortable chair I was seated in and go run a mile. Yes, it was just a mile, but it was something and it made me feel a lot more energetic the rest of the morning.

You Need Cheerleaders

You can’t do this discipline thing alone. Well, you can, but I guarantee you it will be a lot harder to keep at it if you don’t have anyone encouraging you along the way.

Whenever I run by myself, I’ve found that I tend to go easier on myself and stop earlier than I planned. If my side starts hurting or I have a long to-do list, I use that as an excuse for a short run. However, when I run with someone else, I’m always motivated to push a little harder, go a little faster, and not give up when I feel winded and tired.

It’s the same with life: when you feel like you’re going it alone, it’s harder to keep on when the going gets rough. But when you have others around you who are encouraging you, checking up on you, or texting you to make sure you’re following through with your morning run (thanks, Angie!), you’re much more apt to actually stick with your goals.

My husband has graciously agreed to be my early morning wake-up accountability partner for this 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life Challenge. When I came to him and presented the idea of possibly committing to get up before 5 a.m. Monday through Thursday for three weeks, he jumped right on board and enthusiastically said he’d join me.

While neither of us have been quite as enthusiastic in the early mornings when the alarm clock goes off, it’s been much easier to stick with our commitment when we’re both doing it. And, of course, posting about this challenge publicly on my blog has been a huge motivation, as well.

How to Find An Accountability Partner

You might be thinking, “I wish I had an accountability partner, but I don’t even know where to find one.” Well, it might not be as hard as you think. Start with your local friends and family and see if anyone would like to join you in keeping each other accountable to one specific goal on a regular basis.

If you can’t find anyone locally, ask friends on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or other online groups you’re a part of. Or, search and see if there’s already an online support group of some sort (such as the Good Morning Girls or Hello Mornings Challenge, if you’re working on getting up early).

Practical Application

1) Find an accountability partner either locally or online.

2) Create a specific plan for how you each will hold each other accountable for your goal(s). Will you email, call, text, talk in person? How often will you check up on each other?

3) If you have an accountability partner, tell us about it in the comments. I’d love to hear what’s worked well for you!

How are you doing on your current habit? I got up right at 5 a.m. this morning–yay! I had had a busy day yesterday and had stayed up late reading a book (I know, I know, I shouldn’t have!), so it was really hard not to hit snooze and go back to bed this morning. But the accountability of my husband and knowing I was going to have to report back to you all tonight motivated me. And I ended up quickly forgetting about my tiredness with all the activity of the day!

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Missed the first posts in this series? Read them here.

To intentionally cultivate discipline in your life, you must have goals. Not just dreams, not just lofty ambitions, but specific, realistic, achievable goals. If you don’t know where you’re aiming, you’ll lack direction and purpose.

Put Your Goals on Paper

I love how Dave Ramsey encourages people to put their financial goals “on paper, on purpose”. When you write down your goals, instead of just keeping them floating around in your brain, it puts more weight to them. Plus, if you write your goals down, you’re able to track your progress and be encouraged at the momentum you’re gaining in the right direction.

There are some very helpful goal-setting worksheets available from Project Management Skills and from Cigna Behavioral Health. However, please don’t be overwhelmed by these more in-depth worksheets. A simple sticky-note taped to your mirror or refrigerator will work just as well. The objective is not to have a fancy paper filled out, but to actually follow through with your goals.

Take Small Bites

Once you’ve written down the goal or two you are focusing on implementing in your life, develop an incremental plan of action for accomplishing that goal. Some goals lend themselves more to babysteps than others. For instance, if you want to lose five pounds in six weeks, you can create a six-week plan to achieve this goal that could look something like this:

Week 1: Track your calorie intake through SparkPeople. Exercise for 2 hours total.

Week 2: Find an accountability partner. Continue to track calorie intake, adjust if needed. Exercise for 2.5 hours total.

Week 3: Check-in with accountability partner. Continue to track calorie intake, adjust if needed. Exercise for 3 hours total. Drink more water.

Week 4: Check-in with accountability partner. Continue to track calorie intake, adjust if needed. Exercise for 3 hours total. Drink at least 8-10 glasses of water daily. Cut out fast food, sugar, or soda pop.

Week 5: Maintain all habits from previous weeks, re-evaluate anything that isn’t working.

Week 6: Reward yourself for losing five pounds and developing some good habits that will hopefully stick around for a long time.

Now, I’m not saying that the above plan is guaranteed to make you lose five pounds in six weeks, but it gives you an idea of how to take a bigger goal and break it down into smaller pieces. Instead of being overwhelmed by looking at the big picture, think what small steps you can slowly take to get where you want to go. Map them out and then follow them!

Review & Tweak As Needed

Post your goal(s) in a conspicuous place and review them often. I’d suggest reviewing them at least daily, if not more often. Remind yourself of where you’re headed and how you’re planning to get there.

If you are struggling and feeling overwhelmed in the goal(s) you have set for yourself, step back and re-evaluate. Do you need to give yourself more time? Do you need tweak your goal(s) a little to be more realistic?

Practical Application

1) Write down your current habit/goal and put it in a conspicuous location.

2) If you’ve chosen a larger goal, break it down into bite-sized pieces and create a plan of action for the next few weeks or months.

3) Set up a weekly “appointment” with yourself to review and re-evaluate your goal(s) and how things are going.

How are you doing on your current habit? So far, I’ve stuck with my resolve to get up before 5 a.m. Monday through Thursday and before 7 a.m. Friday through Sunday. I’ve been amazed at how much more I’m getting done when I get up earlier!

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As we talked about earlier, discipline is a choice. But you can’t just say “I’m going to be more disciplined” and then sit back and see your life change.

No, it will take work, effort, and much perseverance. There will be days when you do not want to follow through with your commitment. There will be many temptations to veer off course or throw up your hands in defeat.

Here are three suggestions to help you stay on track:

1) Anticipate Obstacles

I love how Michael Hyatt talks about the importance of preparing for obstacles before you encounter them in his recent post on discipline. He says:

As soon as you start swimming against the current, you will start feeling resistance. It’s as if the universe conspires to keep you from succeeding. That’s why you have to anticipate these obstacles and build strategies to overcome them.

::If you’re trying to lose five pounds this month, plan what you’re going to eat ahead of time before you go to the holiday party so that your hard work doesn’t go out the window.

::If you’re trying to go to bed earlier every night, set your alarm on your watch or phone to remind you to leave the evening gathering early in order to get home and go to bed.

::If you’re making an effort to get places on time, plan to leave 30 minutes earlier than you need to so that an unexpected phone call or diaper blowout doesn’t derail you from being on time.

2) Be Realistic

Don’t set yourself up for guaranteed failure by aiming for unrealistic goals. As I mentioned yesterday, I’m focusing on re-developing the habit of getting up early. I know that on the weekends, it’s impossible to go to bed before 9:30 p.m. with the usual activities we have going on. So I intentionally decided ahead of time that for the next 21 days I would get up before 5 a.m. Monday through Thursday only. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I’m aiming to be up by 7 a.m.

Sure, I’d like to get up by 4:30 a.m. every single morning. But, I just can’t realistically commit to that and follow-through with it. Otherwise, I’d be getting less than six hours of sleep some nights. I can function on less than six hours of sleep once every few weeks, but realistically I need to get seven to eight hours of sleep on a regular basis to feel energetic and function effectively.

3) Resist Negative Thought Patterns

Remove the words, “I can’t” from your vocabulary. Stop dwelling on the fact that you’ll probably fail at this challenge since you never seem to follow through with anything. Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you.

And remember that falling down is not failing–unless you don’t get back up again. Keep going, even when it feels like it’s an uphill battle that’s going nowhere, and your persistence will eventually pay off.

Practical Application

1. Read Michael Hyatt’s article on 5 Steps to Developing Discipline.

2. Consider what obstacles lie in your path as you seek to implement your chosen habit over the next 18 days. Create strategies to help you be prepared for them.

3. Step back and make sure you’re being realistic about your discipline goals. Do you need to tweak anything to help set you up for better success?

4. What negative thought patterns do you need to squelch? When they arise, how will you replace them with positive, inspirational thoughts?

Yesterday’s project update: Did you make a list of habits you want to develop over the next few years? I have an ongoing list for myself and my children. I doubt I’ll ever make it through the whole list (wait, what was that I just said about negative thinking in point number 3?!?), but at least I’m never going to run out of areas in my life to work on and improve in! 🙂

Note: I’m taking the weekend off from posting this daily series, but will be back with the next installment on Monday. Enjoy a little breather–but keep on with your discipline goals and projects. 🙂

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