Guest post by Mary of Giving Up On Perfect
A couple weeks ago we had a friend over for dinner for the first time. As he walked into our living room and glanced around our home, he said, “Your house isn’t THAT small!”
Though he’d never been to my house before, he’d heard me complain about it for years – and while I was certain his visit would confirm every bad thing I’d ever said about our old, tiny, falling apart, impossible-to-sell house, it seemed to do the opposite.
Our friend walked around our dining room, asking my husband about the “interesting” textured walls and peering down the hallway as if it led to an east wing instead of three small bedrooms and an even smaller bathroom.
After he left, I thought about how distorted my perspective had gotten after living in our “starter” home for nearly 13 years.
I try to force gratitude on myself by thanking God for a house to live in during bedtime prayers with my daughter each night. And I know full and well that millions of people live in much worse conditions that I can’t even fathom. A fridge that leaks or floors that squeak are absolutely not the end of the world, and the fact that my two daughters have their own bedrooms and our garage is full of all the stuff that won’t fit in our house makes us fortunate, if not spoiled.
Yet when I’m honest with myself – or with you, I must admit that the feeling I have most often toward my home is resentment. You know, that lovely combination of disappointment, bitterness and envy? Yeah, that.
I don’t want to feel that way – or to act that way, or to teach my kids to be that way. I want to be satisfied with what I have and thankful for all I’ve been given.
So as we begin this new year and turn over all the new leaves, I’m determined to create a clearer perspective on my home and to replace that ugly resentment with true contentment. Perhaps these steps will help you start the year with more contentment, too.
3 Steps to Replacing Resentment with Contentment
1. Choose gratitude.
Find something – anything! – to be thankful for. If you have to start small, like I have, with a child-like prayer for the basics, do it.
If you can find something you appreciate about your situation – even if it’s as minor as a warm bed, air conditioning, a working dishwasher or original wood floors – do it. Start with one tiny aspect of your home or your job or your marriage or your life that you can acknowledge as good – and express gratitude for it.
Write it down, say it out loud, do whatever it takes to make it real and make it stick.
And then? Do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next, until it’s a habit and your go-to response.
2. Choose service.
When I said that I know millions of people live in far worse conditions than my small-but-warm, old-but-safe house in the suburbs, I was sincere. I do know that. But as I’ve been thinking about how hard it is for me to maintain that attitude about my home, I’ve realized that perspective is simply theoretical for me. I don’t volunteer at a soup kitchen or visit the tent city across the river.
But maybe I should.
Maybe choosing to serve others would help me remember how incredibly blessed I am instead of letting myself slide into bitterness and envy for all the things I don’t have.
3. Choose joy.
Every single time I feel stuck or trapped in a house, a job, a relationship, a situation, the only thing that gets me through it is remembering I still have control over my attitude.
Even if my house won’t sell or my kids won’t obey or my boss won’t recognize my work or the test results won’t change or the weather won’t improve, I get to choose how I respond to those situations. I get to choose how I frame them, mentally and emotionally.
I get to choose whether or not I face the challenges, the frustrations, the disappointments of life with a joyful heart or a bitter one.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Choosing joy requires a strength I don’t have, a reserve I can only find when I lean on God. But it IS an option – even when I only have one bathroom and my one and only toilet is overflowing, again.
My friend Sara talked about how worthwhile and simple this is, even though it’s not always easy:
I think our expectations of what we want life to be often overshadow the good things that are already in front of us – and that’s when we miss the silver lining. But when my focus is on living the best life I can with what I have in that moment, I always find my silver lining. I’m not expecting what I used to have or what I think I should have. I’m looking at the blessings right in front of me and saying thank you every day.
I am blessed because I take nothing for granted. I love what I have instead of yearning for what I lack. I choose to be happy, and I am. It really is that simple.
Excerpt from Choose Joy: Finding Hope & Purpose When Life Hurts
Gratitude, service, and joy: these are the ingredients that add up to a heart and a life full of contentment, rather than resentment. Choosing these attitudes will change the way we see what’s right in front of us – and while it may not be easy, it really is that simple.
How do you cultivate contentment in your life?
Mary is a writer, speaker, and recovering perfectionist. She writes about her imperfect life with humor and honesty, encouraging women to give up on perfect and get on with life, at Giving Up On Perfect. Mary is the co-author of a new book called, Choose Joy: Finding Hope & Purpose When Life Hurts.
