Money Saving Mom®

I have your book Say Goodbye to Survival Mode and I love it. I have noticed lately that I want to and do start everything, but can’t seem to finish anything! It seems I can only wholeheartedly focus on one thing at a time, but I want to do so so much!

Just a couple examples would be: I got a planner and used it for a few months then lost interest, I lost 15 lbs but gained 10 lbs back, I started to declutter my house and detailed it on a blog which lasted for a whole 2 months, I coupon in spurts then stop, I spent 3 months reading a few books a month and now I can’t seem to finish one.

I could go on and on, and this is all just in the last 9 months! I don’t know why I have all these ideas that I want to do, but can’t seem to find the motivation to finish anything! Do you have any ideas? I’d love to know what advice you would have. -Becky

Hi, Becky!

I think this is a very common problem for many of us. So know that you are not alone.

And I definitely don’t have it all figured out. In fact, I feel like I’m constantly in a battle between my inner disciplinarian and my inner squirrel.

“Focus, Focus, Focus…oh, shiny things!”

I want so badly to be disciplined, but I also have this sort of free spirit inside of me that pops out and wants to do its own thing from time to time. Which is why I’ve struggled to be a person who follows through with things.

If you were around in the beginning of my blog, you probably remember how I used to constantly start blog series, make ambitious goals for things I was going to do on a daily or weekly basis, and then never actually finish or follow through with what I’d started.

I get really excited about ideas, start on them, but then get excited about something else and move on. I guess you can say it’s my nature to be a really great starter, but actually following through and finishing things requires a lot more effort.

I don’t have this all figured out, but I have gotten much better at it! For example, recently I started a sort-of book club community on this blog. The old me would have blogged about it and said, “This is something we will be doing every week for the next year and here’s the list of all 52 books we’ll be reading!”

The older and wiser me said, “This is fun. Let’s try this out and see how it goes. I’m really enjoying it.”

Many of you hopped on board and it’s been a blast, but it’s also nice to know I didn’t make a promise or commitment to all of you that I might not be able to keep later on down the road if I get too busy to continue with the book club.

{FYI: I took some time off while I was in South Africa but hope to re-start it soon!}

So yes, I’ve gotten smarter about the expectations I set for myself. I’ve also discovered 4 tricks that help me actually finish the goals I set:

1. Set ONE Goal.

So much of the time we set ourselves up for failure by making a huge list with tons of different goals. Our lives feel out of control, so we decide to overhaul our lives overnight.

But the truth is: it’s not possible to overhaul your life overnight. Oh you can try, alright, but you’ll quickly crash and burn.

Instead of trying to change everything all at once, decide to focus on ONE THING for the next 2-3 months. Yes, you’ll have other basic daily tasks and responsibilities you need to complete too, but focus on this one particular area that you want to see a significant change in.

Not sure what one thing you should choose to focus on? I recommend picking the one that you think will make the biggest difference in your life overall. Maybe it’s getting up early to exercise, going to bed earlier, creating a time-blocked to-do list each day, or investing in relationships.

Once you’ve decided on your one goal that you will focus on, be sure to set a concrete time frame for that goal. Start with a time frame that feels manageable. This will look different for everyone, but I always say 3 weeks is a good starting place. It’s long enough to help you develop the habit or routine, but it’s also short enough that you will be able to stick to it without falling off the bandwagon.

At the end of the 3 weeks, decide if it’s making an impact on your life. Do you need to tweak it, redo it, or keep going with it for another 3 weeks if you’re happy with the direction it’s going? It’s important to constantly re-evaluate where you’re at with your goal and what kind of impact it’s making on your life.

As you think of other things you want to change in your life, write these down and keep a running list of future goal ideas, but only focus on one at a time. This simplifies things and allows you to really focus and turn that goal into a lifestyle — not just a short-lived ambitious idea.

2. Find accountability for that goal.

This is one of the most important parts of goal-setting. You must have accountability. We were made for community, and it is tough to stick to a goal on your own without someone keeping you accountable for it.

Figure out what kind of accountability you need. Maybe it’s another person checking in with you, a chart on your fridge, an app that you check each day (like the Commit app), or even just posting publicly on Facebook. You could even ask a friend to call you each day at a certain time to ask if you followed through with your goal for the day.

For me, blogging about my goals is huge accountability. Putting all of my goals out there for you all to see motivates me to follow through with them.

3. Reward yourself regularly.

You have to reward yourself in order to stay the course. If you go, go, go and never take time to celebrate your success, you’ll end up exhausted.

Figure out some sort of small reward that will keep you highly motivated, and put that in place. Maybe at the end of 3 weeks, you’ll have coffee with a friend, buy yourself a new book, hire a baby sitter for a couple of hours, go shopping, or indulge in a treat. Pick something that you love, and give yourself permission to do it once you’ve reached your goal.

The reward doesn’t even have to be something you buy or go do at the very end of reaching your goal. It can be something you do along the way that motivates you daily. Maybe just tracking your progress motivates you internally and keeps you on course.

I also recommend setting your reward based upon your goal. For example, if your goal is to lose 5 pounds, it’s probably not a great idea to make the reward eating chocolate cake!

And be sure to make the reward match the goal in size. If it’s a smaller baby step, make it a smaller reward. If it’s a huge monumental success, have a huge celebration when you reach the finish line! Life is too short to not take time to celebrate your wins and successes!

4. Give yourself grace.

Don’t be a total goal-setting slave driver. Don’t be your worst critic and fill yourself with wrong, shameful messaging if you get off course or are going slower than you’d hoped. Beating yourself up because you haven’t hit all of your marks is not going to inspire you to stay the course.

Instead, give yourself grace. Understand that life will happen and there will be hiccups along the way. There will probably be certain circumstances that make it okay for you to set your goal aside for a day. For example, you might skip exercising one day if you have a child who was up sick all night long.

That said, don’t give yourself too much grace to the point that you fall off the bandwagon. However, it’s very important that you don’t exhaust yourself and burn yourself out by relentlessly chasing goal-setting success at the expense of your health, family, and sanity.

Have you ever struggled with following though with goals you’ve set? What has helped you to stay motivated and actually accomplish your goals?

Working At Homeschool wrote an encouraging post on how making over her mornings helped her find balance and rest in every day.

We’re back in the USA!

The 15-hr flight home went much smoother than our flight there — mostly because we went in with a better game plan this time around now that we knew more what to expect!

Kathrynne (who had been very nervous about such a long flight the first time around!) told me as we got off the plane and back on US soil, “That flight just felt like it was a few minutes!!”

I told her, “Well, if you can survive a 15-hour flight and feel like it was easy, you can pretty much survive any flight!”

Other than a very messy bloody nose from one child, it was highly uneventful and all of us got good sleep. I finished two books, watched two movies, AND got in a good rest! 15 hours is a long time! 🙂

I looked over during children’s church on Sunday at Maubane and saw Kathrynne standing with two girls next to her like this.

Our kids were so nervous about going on this trip, but after a few days, they didn’t want to leave! Everything we hoped this trip would be it was… and so much more.

Our kids now want to save more so we can give more. They have new appreciation for other cultures and have seen firsthand that there is so much we Americans can learn from people on the other side of the world.

They have seen new animals they’ve never seen before. They’ve experienced a completely new climate. They’ve eaten and drank many new foods and drinks. And they have realized that you don’t need to speak the same language if you know how to speak love.

One of the things we talked to our kids about before we left was about how this was not a mission trip, but a relationship trip. We have so much to learn from the South Africans and they don’t need quick fixes or Amercanized solutions, they need our friendship and love most of all.

Yes, we want to give in very practical and tangible ways, but the most important thing we can give is ourselves — to be WITH them, to listen to them, to let them know that they are not alone.

There were hard moments and awkward moments for each of our kids, but there were many, many moments when I saw them — all on their own — pushing past language barriers and cultural differences and just reaching out their hands and hearts in love. It was beautiful beyond words.

Coming home, our bodies are tired, but our hearts are so full and happy (and our kids are begging us to plan a return trip to South Africa ASAP!)

We took many other photos on this trip that were much more posed, but this photo above… THIS accurately captures the joy we experienced in South Africa as a family.

My family now understands why I’m so smitten with this country and they have all fallen fast in love, too! Silas, the child I expected would struggle the most on this trip with all the newness, said a few days before we left: “Do we HAVE to leave in a few days?? It feels like we’ve only been here for a day!!”

It was good to be away. We learned so much, we experienced so much, and we are coming home with renewed passion for giving and refreshed perspective on what really matters.

These are our forever friends in South Africa. We love these people more than words can express and we miss them so much already.

(These are the beautiful people who make up the Take Action Ministry team — two local South African families and the Fey’s who moved to South Africa from the U.S.)

{It’s a shame that none of us have any personality. As you can imagine, when we’re together, it’s just all stoic and quiet and boring. ;)}

What Would You Like Me to Blog About Our Trip?

Because I wanted to soak up the moments and be 100% present while we were in South Africa, I was offline most of the trip. It was good, but there is so much I want to share about our time there!

I have so many different post ideas, but I’ve love to know what YOU would most like for me to blog about our trip. Leave a comment with questions you’d love for me to answer in a post or a suggestion of a post idea. I’ll read through your questions and suggestions and use them as a basis for the posts I write about our South Africa trip over the next few weeks.

For now, I’m headed to bed… But I do plan to hop back onto Periscope for my regular Morning Show at the usual 7:30 am CT time tomorrow morning! See you then!