Testimonial from Chelsea from Stay At Home{Made} Mom (inspired by the 31 Days of Giving on a Budget series):
Growing up, my husband’s immediate family always gave very small Christmas gifts. Some years, it was all they could afford. Other years, it’s all they felt was necessary — they didn’t see gift-giving at Christmas as essential as recognizing the meaning behind it
While my husband did (and still does) respect his parent’s perspective, he secretly struggled with why others families could afford to give more. Because of this, my husband decided at a young age that it was important to him to find a way to generously gift at Christmas.
The only problem was, he failed to share that perspective with me! So, throughout the first year of our marriage I bought small gifts I found marked down and tucked them away. When it came time to wrap everybody’s presents, my husband was appalled at the items he saw.
I reasoned with him by saying something like:
“We don’t make a lot of money. Nobody is going to care if we give small gifts. We might have a nice cushion of money, but that’s only because we’ve worked so hard to save. We need that money in case something unexpected comes up. They’ll understand. They’ll probably give small gifts themselves and it will even out. You’re being prideful by wanting people to think more of us because of what we buy.”
His response was:
“We may not make a lot of money, but we have been truly blessed with the income we have. We have no debt to worry about, we keep our monthly bills low. We do a good job saving our money, and because of that, we can afford to give in return. It doesn’t matter if others give us small gifts, I want to be able to bless them in a big way. We will still have plenty of cushion leftover, we’re not spending unwisely, and God will always provide. You’re being prideful because you want to spend as little as possible so we can have more money for ourselves.”
As much as his words stung, I knew he was right. I wanted to spend $5 or less on each person because nobody would think anything of it. Even though we both understand that the true gift behind Christmas is Jesus, my husband still wanted to use this time of year to greatly bless others. Not to impress them. But because it brings so much joy to his heart to do so.
This year, I asked my husband if we could go gift shopping together. We had a great time: we laughed, smiled, and enjoyed each others’ company as we shopped.
As we wrapped the gifts, I couldn’t help but notice something felt different. I noticed a joy inside of me that I had never really felt while wrapping gifts the previous years. Something truly was different about wrapping the gifts we specially picked and stretched our budget to buy.
Finally, I was very excited to bless others, and I understood my husband’s heart.
There aren’t many secrets as to how we were able to afford the gifts we did. We set reasonable limits as to not deplete our account, we used Amazon gift cards earned from Swagbucks, we made homemade items like granola and chex mix to supplement our store-bought gifts, and we shopped around using deal blogs for the best prices. Admittedly, we also ate out less and made fewer Starbucks runs in order to accommodate our new gift budget.
The point of this post is not to discourage you, or to say there is something wrong with giving small and/or handmade gifts — as long as you’re giving these gifts with joy. When I was giving less, it was because my heart was in a selfish place – not because it was outside of our means.
What I’ve learned, more than anything, is how essential my giving attitude and heart are to giving the perfect gift.
Chelsea is mommy to Lainey, wife of Joe, child of God, compulsive list-maker, and dreamer of huge goals. She shares her own budget-friendly recipes and creations with you on her blog, Stay at Home{made} Mom.
Amen and Amen to this post! I love the idea of not going crazy to warp children’s ideas of the meaning behind Christmas. But I also know that, like the husband mentioned in this post, we should model the way Christ gives to us. Lavishly. He gave in the most extravagant way when He gave His son for us – the very reason we celebrate on Christmas and every other day. We cannot outgive the Giver, but we can and should follow His example.
Everything we have, down to the breath we breathe, comes from Him. My father, who went to be with the Lord six months ago, would always say, “If we can’t trust the Lord to take care of our financial needs here on earth, how can we possibly trust Him to take us to heaven?”
He was and is right! He was the most generous man I have ever met and in this way, like so many others, I want to be like him “when I grow up!” 🙂
I pray that each and every one of you will know the love of Christ this Christmas and be able to bless every one you come in contact with. Merriest of Christmases!!
Merry Christmas!!!!
I have never placed a limit on my gift giving. Sure, there were years that I experienced financial abundance, and years I didn’t. I have no income at the present and am living off of savings, which I am tapping into for this years gifts as well. I do as so many others, utilize the points I have accrued on my credit cards, watch the Amazon deals, shop the sales and clearances throughout the year. But I also pay attention. I listen throughout the year as those I love mention something they yearn for, something I can pick up at season’s end for a song. I find great pleasure in gifting others, whether I see the joy on their face as they open a gift I have specially selected for them, or try to imagine how someone will respond to a gift I have given anonymously.
Beautiful, thank you for sharing!!
Beautiful, thank you for sharing!!!
I love this. I’m always caught between spending too much, and giving enough. I like to give one or two special items to each individual, but always end up spending too much and feeling the financial stress later. But at the end of the day, the smiles on their faces are completely worth skipping starbucks for a couple months 😉
I get so excited to give to others things that I know they need or really desire. Recently a friend who has had her heart broken over her husband was talking about how much she loved my 3 crockpot serving item. I also heard he say she really wanted a one cup coffee pot. With all the sales I was able to find both for hardly nothing but it was so exciting to give her them. She was over joyed. I think so many times we just give gifts to give them–we are suppose to. I really love to give gifts from the heart–sometimes it totally stretches our budgets and sometimes not.
One last comment is there are some people who don’t like “big” gifts. My mother will be very upset if you give her something that is too big. In reality she just doesn’t understand giving and receiving–she feels she has to give something of equal value. (One Christmas I was with her and all she did was complain about a pair of house slippers my sister-in-laws parents gave her–it truly makes me sad to see how joyless she is.)
This is “funny” you should say this. My Mom gets all wound up if my shopping is done before her or I tell her what I bought for my Grandparents or anyone else. She feels she has to give something equal in size, cost or whatever. We have been helped by family with many things over the last couple years and my Grandparents have sent food, bought diapers and given us money here and there because they WANT to. I WANT to get them some this year to bless them and say thanks, I did not spend a fortune but more than the last 2 years. It kind of took my joy from me over getting them something I know they will love. Sad the holidays can’t just be about joy and giving what you feel you can without return expectations.
I love this!!!!!!!!!!!! We enjoy giving & its such a blessing. We have given sometimes beyond what we should, but Oh the joy to see faces. This year 4 other friends & I made “blessing baskets” for 5 different people & we each delivered one, so much fun. Between us we had hot chocolate, bread, partymix, some candy, & a inspirational item. Oh & a table runner that one of us made. Next year hope to do some more of those:) MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This really spoke to me. Why? because one person in my husbands family (there are about 22 of us) decided (for us) that “since most of us don’t have any money ( not true), we are going to only spend $5 on adults but the kids are whatever limit” I said, ” sorry but I am not going to do that” I got “the look”. Who cares! I like buying presents that someone may actually want regardliess if it cost $2 or $25. I don’t think it’s nice to tell someone else how much they should be spending when it should come from the heart. It especially feels wrong when the other people are just being cheap. We are very blessed and like to give. We aren’t doing it to show off.
We have a family exchange where we draw names for the kids and spend a maximum of $15. I hate to be a scrooge so I always go along with it, but it’s not really with a generous heart. We only see the the kids a couple times a year and we don’t really know them, so it’s a struggle trying to buy to suit their tastes. It feels feels forced rather than joyful. I’d rather spend the time getting to know everyone by playing board games or something else interactive.
I really appreciate this perspective. This is something I struggle with currently because we are in a tight-fist mode. My husband and I don’t even give gifts to each other during this time as we try to make our way through Seminary. But…
It’s a hard balance to figure out when you are being stingy and selfish and when you are being wise. But if you have the budget I definitely think giving more is a wonderful thing.
What a beautiful testimony! Thank you for the aptly-timed reminder for all of us frugal tightwads. 🙂
This reminds me of my husband. Thank you for the reminder of giving with the right heart!
I struggle with this because I always feel like our family is on the receiving end when it comes to Christmas and our kids’ birthdays (my husband and I are the only ones in our families that are married and have kids). I wish we could give more, but we have a limited income and four children, two of whom have health problems that are currently depleting the financial cushion we had saved. Our families understand that we don’t have much to give, but I always feel self-conscious at gift exchanges. It steals the joy of giving, but I’m not sure how to change that.
Any thoughts on how to give joyfully when you feel that your gifts always pale in comparison to what you or your family is receiving?
Remember the widow and Elijah? She gave her last bit of oil. I love that story for many reasons but one of the big ones is that it reminds me that God looks at our hearts and our intentions, not the “quantity” of what we give and that he uses us regardless of how much we have to bless others. Your family likely knows times are hard and they may feel badly that you are giving them gifts at all! Just as those with much should give joyfully, those with little can give joyfully knowing they are giving from what they have whether it is their time or money.
Love that, thanks for the reminder!
Danielle: I have this issue with my sister and her family. They can and always will have whatever they need they can just go out and buy it. The 3 of us siblings put a dollar amount on what we can buy. Therefore it is equal. For my parents each of us does whatever we want cost wise. The one thing that has been crucial to our budget is to have a Xmas account with my credit union. I never touch it and there is a nice sum of money for vacations,holidays and birthdays.
Thank you for sharing this. I think it is great that you heeded your husband’s perspective and were blessed through doing so. We are on the receiving end right now of such generosity because our own finances are tight w/three kids and my husband in law school, but I want to find ways to be more generous this year with the other resources we do have.
I really appreciate this perspective. This sounds so awful to say but sadly my husband is not a very generous person in general. His family unfortunately created a culture of “it’s all about me” so he doesn’t even think of things that are second nature to me because of the way I was raised. We could give and do so much more but it’s a lot like what your husband said to you…he would prefer we keep the money for our own savings and our own wishlist. It’s a real struggle because I know we could give so much more. Through prayer, I hope his heart is changed and we can be abundant givers one day!
I love it! Your husband sounds like a great man!
Great post!! This year I have a new job making substantially more money and I felt called to expand my giving as a result. I took my mom and sister to a holiday concert at our new arena. It was an experience we won’t forget.