I have been following your site for a few years now. I have a pretty difficult question for you. My husband is a youth pastor and makes $460 per week. We have three children with one on the way.
We want to save and budget better but don’t know how to on such a small amount. We do not have cable, or internet at home and the only thing we do that we do extra is eat out due to our crazy ministry schedule. Any help or suggestions would be AMAZING!!! -A very stressed wife
My heart goes out to you in the stress you’re experiencing! I wish I could hug you in person and tell you it’s going to be okay.
You might have some tough days ahead of you, but you are going to survive. So don’t lose hope, okay? That’s the first step to your success.
Here are some practical ideas and suggestions that I thought of for your particular situation:
1) Get On a Strict Written Budget
It’s easy to feel discouraged when you only have a little bit of income coming in, but I know many, many families who are surviving on $460 per week or quite a bit less. So it is entirely possible.
But a budget is imperative. Even if you feel like you don’t have enough coming in, you need to maximize the mileage of every penny you’ve got and a budget is the best way to do that.
I highly recommend reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. Your library should have a copy. It will walk you step-by-step through the basics of setting up and sticking with a written budget.
2) Prioritize Your Basic Necessities
Once you have your budget put together (and I’d heartily encourage you to sit down and get it done by this weekend, if at all possible), really go over it with a fine-toothed comb and consider what your basic necessities are. These will be things like food, shelter, transportation, and clothing.
What are the barebones payments/purchases that you must make to survive? Make these items your top priority in the budget before considering spending money on anything that is a non-necessity.
Often, when you strip your budget down to the barebones, you’ll realize that you actually have more wiggle room than you first thought you did. And that’s always an encouraging thing!
3) Cut Everything You Can Possibly Cut
Taking the time to consider and determine your basic necessities will prepare you for this step: to cut out as many expenses as you can. It sounds like you’ve already cut many things — like cable and internet — but you could definitely cut out eating out, as painful as it may be.
Find creative ways to make meals at home more doable by using the crockpot, having freezer foods and snacks at-the-ready, and prepping ahead for the week on the weekends. It’s not a fun proposition to give up eating out, but remind yourself that it’s a short-term sacrifice you are making for the good of your family’s budget and for long-term success.
4) Experiment With Ways to Bring In Additional Income
If you can carve out a few extra hours each week, put these toward doing things to increase your income. Sell anything you have that you don’t need on Craigslist, eBay, or in a garage sale. Look into the possibility of doing house-cleaning, teaching classes, or babysitting. If all else fails, there’s always the option of getting a newspaper route.
I encourage you to read The Other 8 Hours and 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think if you’re feeling like you just don’t have any extra moments in your week to put toward income-earning possibilities.
5) Don’t Give Up Hope
As I said in the beginning, your attitude will make or break this situation. A can-do, committed, creative attitude will take you worlds further than a frustrated, complaining attitude will. And I promise you’ll enjoy the ride a lot more, too.
Choose to bloom where you’re planted — even if it feels like it’s among thorns!
What advice do the rest of you have for this reader? Please chime in with encouragement and practical tips in the comments!
photo from Big Stock
I recommend reading “The tightwad gazzette”, you can find it at some libraries. They opened my eyes to how cheap you really can live and the ideas have helped us so much when we go through the lean times. Finding more income somewhere is also important. Get the word out if you can babysit (my kids love babysitting with me) or do handyman jobs. I imagine at that salary your church should not take issue with your husband working somewhere else part time furing the day. Eating out will kill your budget, just pack meals and plan ahead and it will help your budget immensely! The first key is to budget though, and Dave Ramsey is a great resource for that.
My advice: plan, plan, plan! Plan ahead for busy days. Always keep water and snacks in your car so you don’t need to stop for drinks. Water bottles, granola bars (without chocolate last in the car the best).
Plan your day and meals so you don’t need to eat out. Pack a cooler with sandwiches, veggies, fruit, paper plates, napkins…
Use your crockpot so meals are ready when you get home. Taco chili is great. Day 1, eat is by itself, day 2 , eat it over rice, day 3, eat it on a baked potato covered in cheese. Make roast, soups, and more.
Make freezer meals so you have things ready-made for busy days. Make freezer burritos, breakfast burritos, lasagna, soups, casseroles.
Keep a few frozen pizzas for emergencies.
I know I’m focusing on foods, but this is where I know you can cut.
After baby, maybe you could work a few days a week.
I’m going to be honest here, 22 grand per year is below poverty, even for one person. If you are going to support a family of 6, you are going to have to pull in more income. Maybe husband can look for a church willing to pay more, and you may have to work. This is a difficult decision, and I’m sure you love your church, but they are barely paying minimum wage.
I have an entry-level job at a hospital as a unit clerk and I’m making 14.65 per hour. It’s part time and I get awesome insurance for my family. 200.00 per month. Look into healthcare jobs.
The bigger those kids get, the more they are going to eat. A family of six that I know spends 750.00 per month on food and household goods for their family of school-aged children and that is all home-cooked meals with no frills.
To me, this is an emergency-situation and you and your husband need to sit down and go through all of your finances. You need to write a strict budget, come up with a plan, and get going on that plan.
Cut your own hair, wash your own car, make your own meals, buy used whenever possible. Hand-me-downs are better!
First of all, are you following a written budget every month? Getting on a written budget helped us tremendously and helped us find the leaks in our budget. We used to be spending $70 per month on cell phone service and we’ve cut that to $30, while still keeping our smartphones. We’ve also decreased our electric bill by eliminating using our clothes drier.
I understand the resorting to eating out when things get busy, as that has been a struggle for us too. My biggest way around that is meal planning. If we have some appetizing quick meals to make at home, it’s easier to say “no” to eating out.
Also, do you have an emergency fund? Even a small fund of $500 or $1,000 will help you to prevent getting into debt when you have an emergency.
I would suggest finding a way to make more income. I do after school child care for a friend of ours who is a single father. He pays me $13 per hour and I usually work for him for about 10 hours per week. I take my kids with me to his house. They get play time and I get paid, plus I help out my friend. Everybody wins!
You can also look into home call center work. My hubby and I are both certified with LiveOps. We take Pizza Hut calls.
I have a friend who does a paper route and that’s been a good way for her to supplement her income while still meeting her kids’ needs.
First, hats off to you guys for youth ministry! My hubby and I had been youth pastors and it’s not for the faint of heart!! With all due respect to the ones who suggest a different job totally, don’t do it unless you and hubs have prayed and sought direction on that. Some of our greatest time of growth spiritually, happened in the lean times. My hubs drove a school bus route, converted VHS to DVD for people, and put himself or there for any odds and ends job.(think older ladies.) As one lady said, make sure you’re tithing, and expect God to move. Seek Him for peace. Hugs and love your way!
I think all of the suggestions are very good -especially cutting out the eating part (although I know it is painful to do so). As much as your husband might love his job, it really might be time to look into another option (or to do this on the side in a different capacity). A family of this size really could use a higher income (I say this with all the respect in the world)…but sometimes life calls for us to have to use our transferable skills in an industry that can support a family.
If you or your spouse, or any of your parents served in the military, you may be eligible for insurance and banking through USAA. For us, it’s the least expensive auto insurance around here.
Hello! You can so do this!
I know it’s a different country but that is considered a good salary for most South Africans 🙂
I just want to add one thing – I haven’t read all the comments or even 10% 🙂 but just always tithe from your gross salary – God will meet your needs!
Dear Youth Pastors Wife,
I can totally relate to what you are going thru, my family is on a very tight budget also. I have a few suggestions that may or may not help, so here goes and good luck. We shop at Costco, at first I did not think that it was worth it, but when I do grocery shopping I am lucky enough to do it for all month long. Even though you are buying bigger packages it comes out to being so much cheaper in the end especially on things that you use alot of such as TP, detergent etc. We buy all of our meat at Costco and it last all month long. We break up all the meat and freeze it into individual packages and then just pull out a package of meat for dinner. If you dont have a Costco in your area try Sams Club. We dont have a land line we all have cell phones, that also helps save money. Check around for auto insurance, something that alot of people dont know is if you dont drive alot then your insurance will be lower. I have shopped all around and I found that GEICO is the best. If you have cable I have found that if you talk to a supervisor and tell them your situation they can give you special pricing for a year on your cable/internet services to keep you as a customer. Lastly, now let me finish on this one. We do mystery shopping. Now I know that there are alot of scams out ther but I have been doing mystery shopping the Best Mark since may and have made money doing this. They pay you by check every 2 weeks and it comes with out fail and I have never ever had a problem with them. I have done 20 shops. Trust me the extra money comes in handy at the end of the month when we need a few groceries. It does not pay alot but like I said its extra money and for us its worth it. Both myself and my husband do it and for every person you refer you get a $5.00 bonus. You may want to look into it. Good luck and may the lord continue to bless you
A source of income for you could be school bus driving. Maybe your children could stay at home with your husband or, depending on the company, they can go with you to work. I know the company I work for provides free training as long as there is a promise to work for them at least one year. I work two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon. Each company is differant so you would have to check out your local bus company. Just a suggestion.
Thank you so much, Crystal and other readers, for the practical insights and uplifting words! Thank you to the stressed wife who was willing to write in the question and look for help–I hope some of the information will be as helpful to you as it is to me.
In reading the comments, I thought of some great frugal and encouraging posts and tutorials at http://www.entrustedheritage.blogspot.com. Particularly, there’s a post on ways God provides in tight financial times. There are also recipes for making laundry soap, yogurt, granola, tea…
As others have said, may God bless you and your family as you seek His direction. Thank you again.
There are a lot of assistance out there for a family of soon to be 6 with in income of under $25000. Some National programs are WIC, SNAP (foodstamps), Medicaid (if you don’t have insurance), Lifeline (phone discount), HEAP (heating assistance), food/clothing banks and I’m sure more than I am aware of as well as local assistance for your area.
Check into couponing, maybe start a coupon box at your church for everyone to share the coupons they aren’t going to use for others to use. Ask those that receive the paper at church to pass along the coupons they aren’t going to use to you.
Look into gardening full scale or containers to help with fresh veggies you can grow most herbs year round in the window.
Crock pots can be your best friend especially when there are crazy dinner hours. Have picnic dinners instead of eating out meet hubby at a park eat, and let the kids play for a bit while you catch up on the day before the evening events start.
Maybe suggest one night a week before a super busy evening at church that they start a potluck dinner night where every family attending can have dinner together. At my church Wednesdays are the super busy nights as we have Awana for 3yr-6th grade (avg 40 kids), choir practise plus a new members class.
Doing surveys can bring in a little bit of relief I do them for a couple different companies some you earn points to redeem for gift cards and others will send you a check when you reach the minimum $10-25. I make $200-300 a year spending a couple hours a week doing them. It isn’t a lot but could give you some “fun” money each month to rent a video and pick up a $5 pizza or two. Maybe you could have access to the computers at the church to do surveys and to print coupons?
Check into your local library for books, magazines, movies for you and the kids for some free entertainment. They probably have pre-school story time which may include a craft and snack for the kids. You could probably make use of the computers while the kids are at story time just let them know you will be upstairs if needed before it is over.
The pet sitting idea was a good one. Let the congregation know that you are willing to house/pet sit for them. When house sitting you’d go over after the mail/newspaper run to bring it in and check the house over, switch up the lighting, etc. For pet sitting you might need to go over 3 times a day for a dog but a cat could be taken care of when bringing in the mail. And they would probably even let you bring the kids to play for a while with the animal which would create some “movement” in the house too.
I am a single mom of two and I do in home daycare and make about a $1000.00 a month, that is less than your husband. What I do is the daycare(pick up extra jobs when I can), pet sitting jobs, house cleaning in which my kids can come with me so I don’t have to pay a sitter, I also sell on ebay and craigs list and do a bunch of online surveys where half I get is cash the rest I get gift cards and use those for xmas gifts. In our house we bought Roku players so we can watch TV, I use magic jack for a phone line (its free) and since my kids get free hot lunch at school we qualify for the $10.00 a month for internet via comcast, this was we can use our roku players via the internet for TV. I also have a free cell phone for myself and my daughter via safelink and assurance. And coupon, coupon, coupon. LOL
But the biggest thing that I have learned and thats to say NO…simply no we can’t eat out, no we can’t buy that candy and just no to pretty much anything until our income increases.
Stick to that budget and things will be fine,
C
Something that is clearly highlighted by this post and the many replies is that many families are living on very little! Hats off to all of you mamas who work so hard to stretch every single penny and dollar.
Crystal, and the other bloggers who hang out here, keep up your good work in helping every one of us manage what the Lord blesses us with, big or small.
This has made me think more about how my own Church treats their staff financially and how much more I can do with what we have, especially in the way of looking out for families in need and helping out. The many comments have opened up my eyes to how little things can make a huge difference: passing on clothing my children outgrow, sharing produce from my garden, and delivering homemade meals, for example.
It also prompted my husband and I to really evaluate how well we are living right now. It hasn’t always been that way, having become parents while we were still teenagers and later going through prolonged periods of unemployment. It was a strong reminder to keep living well within our means, to save, save, save and also to give, give, give.
Thank you everyone, I haven’t followed a post this closely in a long time.
Commenting to let Mrs. Youth Pastor know that she and her family are going onto my prayer list. I hope the suggestions these other smart, savvy ladies have brought up will lighten your burden and help you have more peace and joy in your life. God Bless you!
I have not read all of the comments. These suggestions may be repeats. Some programs that may be available: WIC for families with small children, energy assistance from your power and light company, federal food stamp program, local food pantry, and low income program from your local phone company. Check your library and local health department. They may have flyers about these programs. Some state university extension offices have information about these and possibly other programs. Find a friend to share buy one get one free, example: one person buys the tooth paste and the other buys the shampoo, then swap items.
I had to swallow my pride and ask for help at one point in time. I thank God every day for getting us through that tough time and now making it possible to pass on the help we received by supporting our local food pantries. The Lord does provide. You and your family are in my prayers.
After you make your budget, look at the largest categories. After our mortgage, transportation and food, our propane bill is the largest. While I’m always trying to cut our gas and food costs, I also focus on finding ways to cut our propane use, aiming to get the biggest return for my efforts.
You might want to look into bartering too. For example, we currently do not pay for hair cuts– we barter with a hair stylist for my husband’s silver smithing services. We also have had repairs done on our house in exchange for many home cooked meals. It has always been my fantasy to put together a ‘bartering book’ for our congregation so we would all know what skills each other have, but alas it has never come into fruition.
And remember to tithe. We have always been blessed when we have paid our tithe, no matter how small.
Another ministry wife praying for you! Lots of good advice here for all of us. God bless you. I feel for you.
My husband and I are on a single income, we have 2 children and 1 on the way. Our finances have been tight the entire time. Hang in there. Look for ways to save money and try 1 or 2 things at a time, otherwise you will end up feeling overwhelmed. As far as the eating out goes, what I recommend is either having a meal going in the crockpot for your busiest days, or come up with a list of meals that only take 5-10 minutes to prepare. Some of the quick meals we have are quesadillas, grilled cheese/soup night, pancakes and eggs, spaghetti, sloppy joes, etc… Don’t waste any of your leftovers, and cook from scratch as much as possible. For example, you could make a big batch of homemade baked beans with cornbread one night, and for lunch the next day you could slice up some hotdogs and make beanie weenies. Another very easy meal is baked potato bar. Cook your potatoes in the crockpot all day on low, and then use whatever you have on hand for toppings: cheese, sour cream, chili beans, butter, bacon bits, etc….
For clothing, if you have any thrift stores or Goodwill locations in your area, ask if they have any half price days and shop then. Shopping at yard sales is also a good idea.
Learn to make easy homemade cleaners. I make our laundry soap and it saves a ton of money.
For groceries, ask the store what days/time they mark down meats and dairy items and try your best to go at that time. Also, if your husband is willing, cut down on your meat and have some meatless meals. My husband refuses to eat any meal without meat, but you can still save money by buying markdowns, stretching your meals with beans, and using less meat in things like spaghetti, casseroles, soups, etc…I have also started buying dark meat instead of boneless chicken breasts, and it has cut the cost there in half.
Hope this helps.
If you stay home with your kids, one thing you could do occasionally is offer babysitting for homeschool moms. I tell my sister the same thing, but it’s hard when you’re a homeschooler and need to do something in the middle of the day (like the dentist). Most teenagers are in school or doing schoolwork. I end up paying my friends who stay home occassionally to watch my kids when I need someone during the day. An experienced mom has a good advantage for marketing, so if you could network within your church or to homeschool groups this would be a good opportunity for extra income. (This would be after the baby comes if you ever have enough energy to do such a thing! :)) I know it’s probably hard to think of squeezing in another thing, but that’s just an idea.
My husband is also a youth pastor and makes $510 a week. We have two children. I receive some help with groceries from WIC (Women Infant Children Program) and we live on a tight budget. We only eat out twice a month, and I work to bring in extra income by selling items we no longer need at children’s consignment sales, eBay, Craigslist, and a local Facebook Craigslist type site. I cloth diaper, and coupon (lightly). The biggest budget helper for us is that I cook from scratch almost every day, almost every meal. We pray a lot too! One month someone anonymously dropped off 10 bags of groceries at the church for us. 🙂 For my kid’s clothes and toys, we keep it minimal and buy almost 100% second hand. Best of luck to you!
I’ve been thinking about you all day. Here are some radical ideas to cut expenses, but I really want you to get a little bit ahead:
*Get up when it is light out and go to bed when it is dark to save money on electric.
*Unplug everything possible in the house…I even unplug my microwave and alarm clock to save money when not needed.
*Air dry/line dry clothes. Wear clothes more than once. Use the same towel more than once.
*Ask friends and neighbors to glean…for example I ask my neighbors for leftover apples from their trees. They love it because it is less for them to clean up.
*Go through your house and look for ANYTHING that you can return to the store for credit. Did you get a gift you never opened. Return it for store credit.*
*Check your husband’s pay stub. Can you lower the tax deduction so you have more cash in your account.
*Can you use nondisposable products for everything. I’ve even heard of people making their own toilet paper. I haven’t tried it, but it is no different than cloth diapers and wipes for babies.
*Can you reuse your water. If you are waiting for water to get warm, can you use the cold for other purposes. My mom always had jugs next to the shower so we wouldn’t waste water.
*Water down items. My friend used to add water to her milk to stretch it out. Could you do the same for other food items like soup or casseroles. You can do this for your shampoo.
*Make your own products from scratch. I make all my own laundry soap. It saves a ton of money.
*When you get gift certicates you can’t use, resell them. I do this every year at Christmas. I end up losing some off the total, but I really can use the cash.
*I completely understand the take-out food thing. What I try to do to keep this under control is to think about how unhealthy fast food is and how I want my kids to appreciate going out to eat as a special, one-in-awhile treat.
*When the kids get gifts and they are little, put them away and regift them. Yes, it sounds terrible, but when they are really little they don’t know the difference. It is nice to have a few things put away for the next holiday/birthday.
*Offer to help older people clean. They are known for giving away things they don’t need. My grandma always had things to give us when she was alive.
I’m thinking about you. I’m going through a rough patch right now too, but I just try to stay positive. The best thing for me is to reach out to other people. There is always somebody who would love to be in our shoes.
Great ideas, Carrie. Thanks!
And I thought my budget for two was rough! My main suggestion would be to make your own cleaning supplies. Google recipes on how to make soaps, house cleaners, and laundry soaps. This is an area of spending that I never really thought about, but it saves a lot of money! Good luck!!
I haven’t read all the comments so maybe someone touched on this. I just want to say having had my husband work for a church that I think it is wrong for someone working for the church to be on govt. assistance and going to food banks. (not saying you are but it was recommended a lot so I thought I would share another view.)
The problem with accepting assistance outside the church is it is a VERY bad image if your church can’t help it’s own people. If they aren’t going to help their own how are they going to help others? To me that’s a bad testimony for the church.
Any assistance should come from the church and people of your church. If you feel God is calling you to do this then he will provide.
Also it doesn’t sound like your church is ready for a youth pastor. I might suggest that your husband quit, find a job that covers your expenses and volunteer as youth pastor if the church can’t pay a wage to cover your bills.
very well said!
Tawra, I agree completely! If the church can’t pay a decent salary, he needs to find a job that does.
While your expenses are probably more than ours and your lifestyle a bit more “with it” since you’re with young people a lot, we are a family of 12 whose weekly income is only a few more dollars than yours. If my husband misses a day from work, it IS the same as yours. We’ve never accepted public assistance. So, don’t be discouraged. Crystal gave you great advice. From my perspective the best word of advice falls in Crystal’s 2nd point. Prioritize your needs. Wants and needs are totally different. Once I did this, I felt freer with what we did have. I’m sure if I could muster that “be content with such things as ye have”, I would be much better! lol We rarely buy clothes, content to wear what others have passed on to us, and when we need something, it comes from the thrift store. Learning to really enjoy eating dried beans helped me, too. 🙂
After commenting last night, I talked with my pastor husband about this. I was so burdened for you, I prayed for you until I fell asleep. This truly is a problem for ministers across the country. Being in the ministry is a completely different animal from being in the “secular” workforce. We go to the churches we are at because that is where God has called us to serve, not for the salary. And we stay there until it becomes clear that God is calling us elsewhere. Regardless, we have to live, eat, raise families, all with what the church has agreed to pay us. Different churches/denominations have various reasons for the salaries. Some churches literally cannot afford to pay more. Some churches are plain miserly. Some churches the pastor has a lot of say in the financial matters; in others, it’s the deacons or elders who do.
It has been our experience that the churches we have served in want us to participate in all/many of the church events/trips which, frankly, we just cannot afford on our salary. I would imagine that the youth pastor and “stressed out wife” are personally paying for themselves on some of the youth outings. This isn’t right, but would require church permission to change.
It is difficult to hold a ministry position and also have a second part-time job because of the different ministry hours throughout the week, not to mention being “on call” for emergencies 24/7.
Youth pastor salaries are never going to be comparable to senior pastor salaries. I don’t agree with it, but that’s just the way it is. (Not that senior pastor salaries are all that much!) At our last church (as senior pastor), our salary was basically the same as this, and we didn’t have a youth pastor.
This is just for information’s sake – just putting it out there for church members to please be sensitive to your staff’s financial/material needs. If your church has a social function, offer the leftovers to the staff families. If you have extra garden produce, hang a bag or two on their doorknobs. Offer to watch their children once in a while. Take the staff wife out for lunch. Give their children birthday presents (asking their parents what they would like). Give your extra coupons to them. Become an encourager, supporter, and prayer partner. Invite them to use your pool, lake house, beach house, or visit your farm. A little love and prayer goes a long way to the spiritual health of your pastors and their families.
Try to enjoy the journey. Clipping coupons, and finding a group of ladies to trade with can be a fun way to get together that does not have to cost anything unless you count the coffee, water or tea to drink after you have traded the coupons.
I love the homemade laundry soup to make when you can not find really cheap laundry soap.
Learn to figure out the cost per serving of foods. As I got older I continue to learn how to save money. Figuring out how much money you have saved can really be fun.
The freezing meals ahead can be fun to do as well as save lots of money. I wish I had been better organized when my kids were little. Crock pot meals would have been a real time saver for me. I use them now that I don’t have the little kids all wanting something before the meal as I was trying to get the meal made, and the business phone was ringing.
There are a lot of web sites with economical ideas to live better, enjoy them. With all the pictures you can probably learn to do anything you want to do.
I, too, am the wife of a pastor/former youth pastor and had my share of days living with small children and a busy husband with little income, but I’ll spare you the stories of how long and with how little. Have you spoken to the wife of the lead pastor at your church about your situation? I would hate to think that one of our church staff families, particularly a wife, was struggling and I didn’t know about it. Just reading your story makes me want to invite you and your children to my house so we could put our heads together over a cup of coffee/tea/whatever.
If the lead pastor’s wife is unable to help, is there an another staff member or elder’s wife who could provide assistance? Is there an older woman in the church who would come alongside you as a friend and mentor? Titus 2 instructs older women to help and teach younger women, but sometimes older women get busy with their own lives and children and might not be aware that a younger woman needs some encouragement.
You’ll make it, Sweet Sister! God is on your side, and I trust your church family will be, too!
We live on just about that amount from the military……Its rough but you can do it…….Take advantage of sales, make a menu and shop from it…..Make meals double duty……We bought a huge roast a couple of days ago……Last night it was roast, tators, carrots and onions tonight it will be stew and if there is any leftover it will go for another dish, undecided yet…….Leftovers don’t always go over in our house so we have to remake them into something else…..Make as many things from scratch….If you haven’t already done so switch to the cfl light bulbs……they will cut your electric bill….Turn that water heater down, during the coming months sit your thermostat as low as you can stand it……We run ours at about 68 but now we have a wood stove so we won’t have that issue….Make sure the dishwasher is completely full when you run it as well as the washer/dryer…….If you need to take the chill off the air in your home use the oven to bake something……cloth diapering, I know you can get some great deals on diapers but I recently seen something that broke down the cost of the diapers for 2 yrs……It was only 800 for cloth where it was close to 2000 with disposibles…..There are plenty of patterns for free out there, just google……And the rest, let God worry about it, he will provide………
My suggestion is ask for things you need and take opportunities that are offered. If the church is having a meal, eat there instead of at home to save money. If people invite you for dinner because your husband is youth leader, say yes when possible.
Also, when people ask if there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to tell them. Allow them to bless you. It makes them happy and helps you out too. If they ask what you’d like for Christmas or other special days, ask for gift cards to eat out or groceries or even something fun you can use for the family, bowling, movies, etc.
In every church there are those that love to bless others. Allow them to bless you and yours. May your family be greatly blessed by your husband serving the youth. That will be my prayer for you.
We are a family of five. The three children; 17, 4 & 2 each have thier own special needs. My husband works so one income, very little support for my 17yo and some Soc. Sec. for my 17 & 4 yo. We have to live on about $525 a week. My husband won’t cut out cable nor can we cut down on the gas guzzling van and his run down car due to therapies every day. Add in various diets and treatments not covered…well we struggle and the bills show it. I do encourage you not to dispair as there are many of us out there struggling too. Prayers and hope. Def. check out freecycle or reusit yahoo groups in your area for material needs. MSM and other mommy saving blogs help you see what you can get for free and deals with coupons.
The problem with a newspaper route:
You have to have expensive commercial insurance in order to deliver newspapers. You also need to have a vehicle in very good condition, because delivering papers takes a big toll on your vehicle. You wind up spending more on repairs and so on than you realized you would. I delivered newspapers for over a year so I’m speaking from experience.
This post will surely strike a chord for many of us in the ministry. My husband is a pastor of a small country church, although our income level coming in here wasn’t as low as the number you are quoting.
I’d like to share just a couple of thoughts, if I could:
1. Do you get any benefits? Churches are able to provide tax shelters for their ministry workers. For example, if your church chose to pay your electric bill instead of giving that money to you in cash, that’s a tax shelter. The church could open up a medical savings acccount, or pay your medical insurance, or even pay part of your monthly rent, etc. as tax shelters.
2. Does your ministry require your husband to work the full 40-hour week, or would he be allowed to work part-time somewhere? Many pastors nowadays are having to work second jobs. My husband is a senior pastor of a small country church, and he is also a bus driver. We sell items on ebay, and my teens mow lawns and work part-time jobs (it sounds like your children are still pretty young, though).
3. Is your church truly financial ready to have a youth pastor? It is terribly unfair for a ministry to hire a young man and to put such a burden on his family if they cannot take care of him. Either they should free up your husband to work part-time elsewhere to make ends meet, or they should be prepared to help you more financially. Everyone in ministry knows what it is like to cut corners, but you can cut . . . and cut . . . and cut . . . until there is nothing left to cut. Eventually you have to add to the income. You have a great attitude regarding your circumstances, but I find it unsettling that so many churches short-change their workers and then let the government pay for their medical and food expenses. While there is nothing wrong with anyone getting WIC (and you probably should), a church should not hire someone and then make the government take care of him. Churches need to pay close attention to how they treat their workers.
Just my two-cents worth . . . I wish you the best, and I appreciate your sweet attitude!
A very thoughtful response, Kristie. As I’ve read through the comments, I’ve been very troubled that a minister would go on government assistance because his pay is not sufficient. These programs serve a very real need in our society but the church should care for its own.
I grew up in a small country church and our pastor worked full-time as a teacher in addition to his ministry responsibilities until well after his children were grown.
I totally agree- reading through all of the comments I was shaking my head thinking that it makes no sense to hire someone to work for a church expecting them to help others and then not even pay them enough to do something so basic as feed their own family.
Check with your State. You may qualify for discount on insurance, food subsidies, utilities and other programs. Also the EITC from the Federal Government.
To Stressed out wife: I am also a youth pastor’s wife in a very similar sounding situation to your own.While it does seem a “shame” that we might get paid very little for the work and sacrifice our husbands make we luckily didn’t go into a ministry expecting to make big bucks but a comfortable income would be nice too on somedays!Right?=) But God is good isn’t He! It is nice to know that there are others like you and I that are depending on God to meet your needs! Because He always will. If you are where you know the Lord wants you then do the work and let God do His work and provide for you. If God could choose to provide for even someone like me who has often struggled being greatful in the situatuion then I know He will do the same for you and your family. God has often reminded me that this season in life is not permanent and that this world is not our home. Many of the tips given on here so far are great and are ones that I would repeat myself. -Sarah
I just want to say, my heart goes out to you. Just taking care of three young kids as a ministry wife, and being pregnant, is enough…but to add the financial burden you are under to the mix is enough to send anyone under the covers!
I agree with some of the others that considering government assistance might be a good idea. Check out the local food pantries in your area…that can be another option. When my husband was out of work, I was volunteering at the food pantry and I realized…wow…I should be shopping here! It’s a humbling realization, but it is okay to be on the receiving end sometimes. (I know easier said than done!) And a conversation with the church is in order, too. Ministers should be paid a living wage.
Also, I know this is hard, but be as honest as you can. When people invite you out to eat, just tell them the truth — it’s not in your budget.
When people ask if there’s anything you need with the new baby coming, say yes. Absolutely.
It’s not easy to be on the receiving end of help, and yet, if ever there was a time in your life that you needed it, it’s now.
And, I don’t know if you have any free time anywhere, but one idea to save some money is to get together with a friend and do some freezer cooking! I just made a big batch of the brown bag burritos and stuck them in the freezer for lunches. Having a few things on hand can really help with the eating out, and if you do it with a friend, it’s more fun!
I get so frustrated with how little our pastors are paid! Our pastor mentioned the other day that he had no A/C in his car… I was so surprised. It is really hot where we live upwards of 108 degrees for weeks in the summer. I wanted to offer to help pay to get it fixed, but I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that.
Any chance we can send gift cards to bless “the stressed out wife” and her family? Maybe we could sent them to Crystal and she could forward them on? I would love to know what restaurants and stores they use… if a bunch of us sent $10, we could cushion their budget and help out a soon to be new mom 🙂
Let them know that you would like to help. I recently called the electric company to pay for a church members electric bill. They couldn’t give me the total amount of course but I was able to send a check to be applied to their account.
I think it is wonderful that you want to help this person, but I’d suggest caution at opening this door via this blog. There is need everywhere. Who should MSM help and who should she turn away?
The author was not asking for financial assistance, just suggestions for how she can help her family.
I’ve seen plenty of blogs with “chip in” links so that you can donate money to them (they’re asking for any number of reasons). Best to let individuals seek out their own financial assistance than to create a monster here.
I guess I see it as… if you see a need that someone has and you can help… you should. I was raised that way. I am happy to be that way. Have I been taken advantage of ? Sure, but more often than not it has been used to bless others and help me grow as a person. I am not overly concerned about opening a can of giving worms 🙂 Although, I would understand if Crystal did not want to get involved.
I never know how to respond to these things. God has blessed our family so much that I never know if I am bragging, sharing an idea or encouraging others.
We live on $425 a week. I will be upfront and honest, it is hard! I try very very often to make it on just our hubby’s paycheck but I really cant. With that paycheck, there is no money for a clothing budget… at all. Do get a bigger scope, we do not accept food stamps, government assistance (with an exception, my 3 yr old son is on medicare after being electrocuted by a down power line back in June and has needed skin grafts and care afterwards that resulted in over $150K in medical bills, and we haven’t been able to find a affordable insurance at this time, so with much prayer and research, we did accept MediCal.) So, that is the exception but through all of this. But, the reality is, my hubby works very hard and is already past middle age. He can’t get another job without killing himself. Its sounds dramatic but that is the reality. So, I try to do what I can to supplement our income. A couple things I do and I HIGHLY recommend seeking your hubby’s blessing for this. I didn’t, I just assumed and I didn’t realize it caused stress on my super cleanie hubby.
A) Let the word out that you will take donations for a garage sale. It is VERY hard work and very exhausting but sometimes people can’t financially give in other areas, like their get rid of piles. You have to think of this as a job. I’m serious. Think of it as working 2 hours a day @ $8 a hour. It takes me about a week at this rate to go through everything, price it, and get it ready for the yard sale. There is $64 for four days of work. I ONLY do Friday yard sales. I choose a flex Friday (we are a military naval base here in the middle of the Mojave desert so flex Friday’s they get off and the yard sales are so much better) and I start at about 7AM and go to about 3PM. Another 8 hours of work. So, if you calculated that into your “paycheck” you would receive $128.00 Everything else you receive after that is a bonus. Price to sell! If you *think* you can get $5 for something but *know* you’ll sell it for $3, go with the $3. People will buy more. So that is one way I supplement our income. I do it once a season (season being spring and fall). I did one last weekend and I received the equivalent of 1 hubby paycheck. Now, frankly, this doesn’t always happen this well. BUT, I easily bring about $150 a yard sale. If I have a ton of clothes (I mean tables and tables of clothes) I sell my clothes for $3 a bag. Those always go like hot cakes.
Another thing to bring in cash is babysitting. I know, just what an exhausted mother needs right? I watch mentally challenged adults. They know how to feed/dress/ and basic necessities but need supervision. They need love and most of the time they adore children and so you can provide a happy environment for them.
We have been able to meet all our bills and keep ourselves fed (dairy free and gluten free). I don’t buy beef anymore. It is just too expensive @ $3# sale price. However, We are blessed when we go to a monthly BBQ at a friends house and they have tri-tip, burgers, a beef smorgasbord! We bring a dish (chicken, quinoa whatever) and will usually swap leftovers. It is a great way to share with each other.
Our grocery budget is $40ish a week. I am asking my husband to possibly increase this if we can. I have 3 children 5 and under and they all have their daddy’s metabolism. BUT what I do with this is plan, menu, and budget accordingly. Our local Albertsons marks down their chicken approx every Wednesday or Thursday. Most of it is Organic at the same price as the non so I grab that! I will easily spend 1 week’s worth of grocery money stocking up on meat for a month easily. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Last year we invested $40 on a small freezer. It was slightly larger than a apt fridge. When Turkey season came where you could get a large turkey for $4 a turkey, I would buy some, my friends would get me 1 or 2 and I would place them in my freezer(s) for the coming year. 1 turkey can easily make us 4 meals (sometimes more!) It’s worth it if you can find a way to store turkeys. My mother happily saves one for me in her freezer. My friend has another one of mine. I think last year I ended up with 6 turkeys. So that is an idea. With menu making I try to see A) What is on sale, B) what is cheap C) What do I have on hand
Something maybe on sale for a good meal (lasangna for example) but if I have to buy all of the ingredients… then its not a cheap meal for me. Another thing to look at is, when are your busiest days? Wednesday? for meals that day DO EASY. Cold Cereal, Sandwhiches, and crockpot or easy dinners. I think for me, the food budget is the hardest because its the first thing that gets cut in the budget. Reality is, its the most important thing in your budget. You all need to eat well to be healthy.
I know its laughable to think you can get ahead of the game right now. (If someone said that to me right now, I would spill my coffee everywhere) but the truth is, in a way, we can. Just take ONE thing at a time. You have been given a boatload of information, don’t try to do it all at once. One thing at a time.
Bless you and your family for doing what you feel the Lord is calling you to do and not what is easy. I would LOVE to just bring you a few meals to help out. Hang in there. I said a prayer for you. 🙂
Again, I hope this was all helpful. If it was just too overwhelming and frustrating, disregard it. Please. <3
One of the small things that I do to help us save money {every little bit helps!} is cut my children’s hair myself. I found a how-to video on youtube that was very helpful. I’m not sure if my boys will appreciate their mom cutting their hair when they are teenagers, but for now it is definitely saving us some money! 🙂
Another thing that I do is shop at our local Country Kitchen bread outlet. I know not all areas have these stores, but I am able to often find 100% whole wheat bread for $1. My children also love cinnamon raisin bread and I will sometimes buy this for them as a treat and only costs a little over $1 at the bread outlet. My local Dollar Tree also just started selling white and whole wheat bread for $1!
My heart goes out to you, although I only have one child, my husband makes $500 a week (on a good week) so I can relate to the income that is being brought in.
Something that really helped our finances is when I started mystery shopping. It helps me bring in a little extra money each month, plus, you can get reimbursed for things such as grocery shopping, gas station purchases, restaurant visits and shopping at the mall in exchange for providing a review. It has really helped us when it comes to Christmas shopping, date nights, and family trips- such as to the bowling alley or the zoo.
Many shops prefer you not bring children, but it’s flexible enough that you can pick up shops at times you prefer when your husband can stay at home with the children- if that is an option. And there are also several that encourage children if you are going to a family-friendly establishment. Anyway- it’s been a lot of fun for us, and it’s just an idea you may not have already thought of. Please feel free to contact me directly with any questions!
Best wishes to you and your family, and remember that God WILL provide. 🙂
Little things that add up:
Cut up old clothing you can’t sell to use as tissues, napkins, and cleaning rags so you don’t have to buy as many paper products. (Add to regular laundry rather than washing separately.)
If you sew, there are tutorials online for making washable reusable panty liners rather than buying disposables.
Vinegar and water mix is cheaper than Windex and cleans just as well (also works on counters).
Check Freecycle and the free section on Craigslist before going shopping (just be careful about going to a stranger’s house).
Many grocery stores take 5 cents off your total bill for each reusable bag you bring. If your store doesn’t, ask the manager if they can start.
If you can’t get enough toiletries free with samples and sales+coupons, consider if you really need separate his and hers toiletries or if you could share the same unscented items. Soap is usually cheaper than body wash. Some people say baking soda makes wonderful deodorant, though it’s only average for me.
Compare rates in your area and your typical phone use to see if it’s cheaper to drop the landline and just use cell phones.
See if it makes sense to trade in your car for a cheaper and/or more fuel-efficient one. (Also clean out unneeded items and keep your tires properly inflated to save gas.)
Sell anything you don’t need or really want — yard sale, eBay, Craigslist, used bookstores, consignment shops are all options.
Finally, I agree with many other posters that you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help from your church, nonprofits, and/or the government. Hang in there! 🙂
Chelsea,
Who do you do your mystery shopping thru, I do mine thru Best Mark? Have you tried them
Carrie
I would not reccommend a newspaper route. My husband had one for about a year (we live in WI) and it was ALOTof wear and tear on the car (breaks, tires, extra gas, mileage, etc). We also had to get additional auto insurance because he was considered an independant contractor. Plus if your in an accident how do you explain the 200+ papers in the backseat. The taxes weren’t taken out of his check so we had to file a schedule c on our federal return (so it was nice to be able to deduct the mileage, insurance and wear and tear). However there were strict delievery guidelines and adverse weather to deal with (wind, snow, rain) and never a day off and work holidays. Plus the safety issue of running around in the dark… There are options here to sub for people when they need a day off or work in the station putting the papers together. My husband did this also a few times. Just a word of caution from someone thats been there done that… 🙂 Good luck!
ps- Do you have the option of going to a food bank or applying for assistance (food/rent/heat, etc)?
AMEN, Nichole!
One more tip for her- Tell her to let her extended family and church family know that she is willing to take any hand me downs and cast offs they are willing to offer. Church people are generally very willing to give in this respect- I know I sit here surrounded by all sorts of things that were given to me all because I let people know I was not too good for their charity!
Also don’t forget praying for God to show you how your new situation will work!
My kids wear almost all hand-me-downs. Hardly anything is actually new, because even if it’s bought, we get it at a thrift/consignment store. And when we’re done with it, on it goes to the next family. But I guess I’m blessed in that no one around me at church seems to think hand-me-downs are anything to be ashamed of. In a really well-to-do community I guess it could be embarrassing. But then again, if the church is made up of the wealthy, then they should be able to pay a decent salary.
We could not have made it when my kids were small if it were not for hand me downs. LOVED THEM!!! Now that they are teens, the hand me downs have stopped and boy do I miss them! Because I have boys, it’s hard to find decent men’s clothing second hand here in my area so I get stuck buying from the stores.
So much great advice here! Thanks Crystal and everyone else chiming in with suggestions.
I was laid off a couple of months ago and my unemployment benefits are significantly less than that per week (in fact, I think when I *was* working, I was earning less…hmm…). Fortunately I had a fair amount of warning that the layoff was imminent, so even though I wasn’t able to find another job beforehand, I was working on turning my finances around while more money was still coming in. I have a long way to go when it comes to money management, but budgeting, cutting eating out (my biggest challenge), and even not needing to go to an office every day are helping stretch my money.
A suggestion: do you know someone who owns a restaurant? Do have 3-4 hours/week you could trade them in house cleaning or babysitting in exchange for food from their wholesaler? My brother owns a restaurant and works long hours. His wife also works long hours at her retail job, helping in the restaurant, and managing their B&B. They also have 2 young children. It had been on my heart for a while to find some way to bless them, so when I heard that my bro was looking into having someone come clean a few hours a week to relieve some of the pressure on their family, I offered to trade him a clean house for about $40/week in food from his wholesaler. That amounts to about $80-$100 in spending power at the grocery store! They feel incredibly blessed to have a clean house to come home to and to help me financially, and I feel incredibly blessed to have excess funds in my food budget that can be applied to other needs and to help them reduce stress. It’s a win-win!
When we were laid off, we’d been on 50% salary for 6 months, so we made more money unemployed (substitute-teaching for income) than we had when we were employed. The irony!
I meant that when I was working I still earned less than $460/week, but yeah, looking for a job now I’m really seeing what people mean about earning more on unemployment. So far, looking since the end of April, I have yet to be offered anything that pays more than my benefits (net after taxes). I figure this is God’s way of giving me some time to rest, reevaluate, and make a plan for my life.
Make sure you and your brother are looking into the tax implications of bartering food from his wholeseller for labor. A retailer such as a restaurant is normally expected to pay a use tax on items they don’t actually re-sell.
In the church that I grew up in, if someone had a new baby or a surgery or other illness then church members would bring over casseroles. Maybe if you expressed your need your church family could help you in that manner.
There are so many great posts here and wonderful suggestions. While I didn’t take time to read them all I just want to add something that I don’t believe I saw. It’s hard out there for so many families…I’m sure there are stuggling families in your ministry that are just like you. Why not reach out to them through this journey of yours and possibly benefit your family as well. If your ministry is large enough and has enough people with children of various stages in childhood…hold a clothing swap, or you could hold a toy swap just before Christmas time. If you have enough of a response I’m sure many would be able to find some new to them things for only the cost of extra things lying around the house. Anything leftover of course could be donated to a Goodwill/thrift store.
We used to live on a lot less (with only 1 child at that time though) and I understand the way it can get to a person when it’s extremely tight. It’s emotionally exhausting and disheartning some days. There only so many times you can tell yourself no until you start resenting the fact you always have to say no, for almost everything. For my husband and I there were years we tried to put our heads in the sand – it was too hard to make the difficult choices every single day and we frankly got tired of always saying no. It’s way to easy to say yes and rack up the debt. Until we really got serious into budgeting and sticking to it…until our hearts and our heads changed….our situation did not change. Were there’s a will in line with His, God will make the way!
God bless you, your family & ministry!
I would also add that blogging and following blogs like Money Saving Mom has really helped me to find a community of other moms going through the same things. Even when we have moved multiple times, my on-line community has stayed the same. 🙂
Very true Jessica.
Is there a reason why mom can’t get a PT job in the evening? Target, Wal-Mart, the grocery store? That would bring in some additional income and allow dad to spend time with the kids.
I work EVERY weekend (6A-6P) in order for my husband to attend school FT, work PT and sleep when he can. This allows us to eliminate our need for childcare before/after school. Sure, we miss family time on the weekend, but my boys get lots of quality time together. And I remind myself it’s just for this season of life where our son is not quite old enough to be home on his own.
The fact that her husband is a youth pastor, and many youth group events are held in the evenings would make it extremely hard for the wife to get an evening job.
If the hubby works evenings then what about a part time day job then?
As the wife of a youth pastor, I’ll testify it’s a crazy schedule. Meetings get scheduled, concerts or other outings come up, someone calling wanting to meet for “counseling,” Bible studies, etc.. My husband works most days and will work 3 nights this week
Oh, how I understand!
First, I am praying for you this morning. Praying that you will have peace and joy despite the stress that seems overwhelming.
My husband is a pastor and we lived off of our savings for 11 months recently to pursue God’s call on our lives. I was pregnant with our first child (we have 2 now) and it seemed crazy to go from 2 incomes to no income. I really struggled, but knew God was asking us to do something that seemed crazy. And, He provided every step of the way.
The verse that encouraged me and that I went back to time and time again is:
“I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.” Psalm 37 (just read the whole thing!)
Remember to trust in the Lord. It is easy to fret and to try to solve our financial problems. God has asked us to be good stewards and to work diligently, but trusting Him always comes first. He knows your NEEDS even better than you do. And, you know what? Your greatest need is Him and having more of Him. Trust Him. He will not forsake you and your children will not beg for bread.
Also, something that has helped me is to remember our brothers and sisters around the world who live in extreme poverty- and continue to rejoice. I recently began reading No Longer a Slumdog by KP Yohannan. I had to put it down because I was sick to my stomach. Can you imagine not knowing when you would be able to feed your children… anything? Can you imagine not knowing when your child would get their next glass of clean water? It helps put life, even if it is hard, into perspective- a thankful and prayerful perspective.
May you trust God like never before and watch as He answers your prayers and pleas- in HIS timing. It is always perfect.
Much Love,
Jaclyn
If no one else has mentioned it: What about your cell phone plan? You can use a prepaid service that still runs on the major networks, but doesn’t cost nearly as much. Straight Talk runs on AT&T and Page Plus Cellular, which is what I use, runs on the Verizon network. You can keep your number and even use smart phones, like the iPhone. ST has an unlimited plan for $45 (per line) and PP goes for $55, along with other cheaper plans. I’ve been using Page Plus since January, spending only about $30/month. The plan that I purchase works for what I need and has saved me a ton of money in the past several months.
My husband and I pay $70/month for Verizon (which has the best coverage in our area). Our phones are 3 year old flip phones with no texting. Since he does youth ministry and texting is so important to youth, our entire family recently pitched in to get him an iTouch for his birthday. He can text for free on his iTouch. I think the app is called “TextFree.” 🙂
We do this. For a couple years we had a pre-paid phone which we paid $15/ mo. It was a 60 days, 300 minute plan, and we used it so little that it was plenty. We have a home phone, since there is no reception (from any provider) where we live, and unlimited long distance on that because very few people we call are in our local calling zone. To have a full/normal cell phone plan was cost prohibitive, but we could do $15/mo!
We have been in a similar situation, wondering how is all this going to work out with what we have, or there isn’t anything else that we can cut because we’ve cut everything already. Lately I have been reminded every day about being content and thankful for wherever or whatever situation I am in regardless of what I really think about it. Be encouraged and have hope and be obedient to what you are called to do. Through obedience comes blessings. I encourage you to read Deuteronomy 28:1-14 and really let it sink deep within you and know that the words that are written are not empty words-they are truth about you and your family.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34
We have heard the above scripture all the time but REALLY let it be know. SEEK Him above all. Seek Him First. Know where you have come from and how much you have grown and know the promises God has told YOU specifically, and be confident that He is TRUE to his WORD. Blessings on you and courage to be obedient to what you are called to do.
Hi! I am so impressed that you are making it on that income. And, congratulations on the little one on the way. You are blessed!
I love all the suggestions for ways to save on the life essentials. But, as Dave Ramsey says, you don’t have a budget problem-you have an income problem! We’ve worked in ministry, so I know how meaningful the work is, BUT it kind of sounds like your husband isn’t being paid fairly.
As Christians, we shouldn’t expect our pastors to work so hard for poverty level wages. Have you guys considered lovingly approaching your church elders or board and asking for them to consider giving him a raise? It sounds like he works really hard, and with a family of 6 that income doesn’t seem sustainable in the long term. While public assistance is a great option for now, I wonder what the church members would feel like if they realized that they were paying their pastor so little that they were forcing your family to rely on the government rather than the generosity of the church?
Just something for ALL of us to think about and to make sure we are supporting our Christian workers :).
You can always find a local church that gives food to families. It not just peanut butter and powdered milk anymore, there are frozen sandwiches, yogurt, and lots of other things. With the size of your family you’d get quite a bit. I have 3 kids and it’s hard not to spend 200.00 at the store a week.
My husband is a deacon at church and a lot of times we feel the only way we can connect with people who are ready to run out of church is to go out with them after for a bite to eat. I think if you do the crockpot with a big loaf or two of french bread and invite people over it might take away some of that. I know sometimes choosing the best for your budget isn’t always in line with what you want to do for those you’re trying to minister to.
As someone who drives nearly an hour to church, I can testify that the times when we’ve been invited to someone’s home for lunch afterwards have been much appreciated. We wish we could extend the same hospitality, but most people don’t want to drive an hour to our house for Sunday Dinner. It is much more special to be invited into someone’s home that to go to a restaurant. For one thing, Sunday lunch-time is always busy and not at all conducive to quiet conversation. And with kids, it’s a lot easier to have them playing in the next room while the adults enjoy a slower lunch and get to talk. IMHO
Just remember to take things one day at a time. If you worry too far in advance in the future, it will not be good for you or your baby. Last night, I was thinking about the Lord’s Prayer…it says to give us our DAILY bread. We’ve never gone hungry. There is always something to eat. It may not be exactly what we want, but it provided for our needs.
My husband is in ministry also and although I feel like we have been blessed to be in churches that are very generous, we have still had season when money was very tight. I also felt like between taking care of the kiddos and helping him in ministry, my plate was full and that our family would suffer if I were to work. I would definitely echo the part about eating out. I love to eat out, but I am cheap so I would rather come home and throw in chicken nuggets that go buy them at the store. “Convenience foods” aren’t the cheapest, but are still less than eating out. I also LOVE the crock pot and when I make a pasta dish or taco meat, I usually try to make enough extra for one leftover meal in a day or two and one for the freezer. Breakfast food is cheap and meatless entrees once or twice a week also help cut costs. Also, if your kids are in school, they would probably qualify for free/reduced lunch. If not, make them take their lunch. We don’t qualify, but I still just let my kids choose 2-3 days each week that they buy school lunch. The other days we do sandwiches, cold leftovers if I know it is something they’ll eat cold, or cheese and crackers (homemade lunchables.) Also, just say no to student fundraisers…everyone from every organization may hit you up, but don’t feel like you have to buy anything. None of those things are needs and all of them are significantly marked up. I hope this helps. Oh, and drinking only tap water (and milk for the kiddos) is another way to cut back…
Oh, breastfeeding is a good one…and I shop clearance racks, but I also have people with kids just older than mine who either give me clothes or sell them to me directly by the trash bag full before the put them in a garage sale or consign them.
i think eating out has to stop ……if you are all at church, use your crock pot and eat there??? sanwhiches, soup salads are great on the go food…look back on past months and see the total $$$ spent on eating out and how many meals that got you…and evaluate how much groceries that could have gotten you.
use wic and such…esp. wic i believe is a great program…
become the picnic queen…the internet is full of great ideas
stay home more…always cheaper
if someone asks what you need from church TELL THEM….”Things are so tight and i’m trying to figure out how to eat out less…etc…..” I know several catholic priests…they make the rounds for dinner when they can ;)….my great friend LOVES good food and conversation and has even gotten pudgy..LOL….i’d be THRILLED to help out someone that means so much to my family by bringing a meal…heck why not start a potluck on one of your busy nights at church…
you should CHALLENGE yourself to try not eating out for a month….and just see the difference
also i’m guessing MAYBE dh would not enjoy letting people know the financial struggle..if that is the case then he has to be willing to adjust to eating home cooked food too..
they have mini lunch sized crockpots he can cook at the office….bring home..you set it up..he plugs it in and eats…
make use of the churches microwave for meals….even that is cheaper than eating out…
This is hard. I’m going to echo what other commenters said and suggest thinking about babysitting as something you can do from home. I only have two children, but I have done this and found it’s pretty easy, especially if the child/children you are watching play with your children.
I am a minister’s daugther, and my husband was a professional minister for a few years (now called to teaching), and I want to encourage you to pray about the “crazy ministry schedule”. Unfortunately, it is all too easy to allow ministry to run you and your finances ragged. That’s not what the Lord intended. If it goes on too long, bitterness is the likely result.
Remember that with God all things are possible!
hubby makes $13 an hour(x40 on a good week is $520 before taxes. but since it’s a job dependent on weather and economy, i dont think he’s had a full 40 hour week in along time) I stay at home and we have 3 kids(15, 13, and 5). I am looking for an actual job for a steady income but I do things like crafting, surveys, and selling items in the house.
We’re there too, except my husband doesn’t work for a church. The week we got married AND moved into our new house he lost his job. 13 months later, still no job. One finally turned up that paid $1 less per hour. He worked there a year, then lost that one. Luckily he started a new one, but now, he’s down to a measly $290 per week (on a GREAT week). We’re a family of three with a mtg and a car payment. We almost never get to have fun, and I’m constantly jealous of what other people are able to do. Then I remind myself that I only have a 1.5 years before I graduate and we’ll be set.
Your families size will definitely qualify you for gov. assistance. By no means should you be ashamed to take it. I also write articles for blogs like http://www.thekrazycouponlady.com ($50 per article) and have done REALLY well off of it. Actually they just hired me because I was writing so many. The pay didn’t increase, but knowing that I was actually helping my family helped me get through the mental struggles of being broke.
There are times when I look at our budget and the bills and don’t understand how we’re making it. We’re not religious, but the math NEVER adds up. Someone is looking out for us, and they will your family too. Have faith.
Thanks for writing this! I’ve considered writing for her, but had not yet tried it. You’ve inspired me to do it! 🙂
It’s well worth it if they get accepted. Keep in mind that they’ve been doing it for years so you articles need to be REALLY creative and helpful. They won’t accept things that are common sense (when to know if you’re foods bad) etc etc. Keep trying even if you get denied too, I’ve had my share of denied articles, but I keep coming back. I make a min. of $300 a month now. For less than 2 hours of my time per article -it’s worth it.
I SO GET YOU!!!! I am a youth pastor’s wife, and I totally understand your circumstances. God will provide…sure, but I do think there are some things you can do. I’ve always lived by the philosophy, “I’ll do my best then sit back and let God do the rest.” The place to start is the eating out. I get the youth ministry schedule. Stockpile your freezer!!! Having burritos (both breakfast and brown bag), sandwiches, homemade pizza, taco meat, etc. in my freezer saves me thousands a year! I’m not exaggerating! I even keep a crock pot in the church kitchen for those days when it seems like that’s where we live! If you’re not a couponer…become one! I will warn you…It’s work, and you have to be careful about buying items you don’t need just because you have a coupon, but it’s definitely a lifesaver for me.
The other things I want to suggest is this… Your hubby may need to have a heart to heart with the pastor. My husband approached it this way…He took our budget to the pastor. He told him that we’d cut everything we could think of, and asked if maybe there was something more we could do around the church to earn a little more money, ie. cleaning, office work, etc. When the preacher saw our budget on paper, his eyes were opened, and he immediately began the process of getting us a raise! Now… we’re not making millions, but it was a HUGE help!
One more thing…throughout these tight years, maintain a date night with your hubby. It sounds contrary to money saving, but it’s vital to your sanity. Find another couple you can swap child care with or a little old lady in your church who will just give you an hour or two because she loves you! I even had a college student in our church who couldn’t afford cable. She would come to our house on Friday night after our kids were asleep, we would go to the high school football game, and she would catch up on her favorite shows. Find something you like to do that’s free. For us, it’s playing tennis, going to little league games, or just walking our local walking trails. For one hour, there is no talk of finances or children. Then, if we have more time, we talk about the “issues” that need to be handled.
Feel free to contact me privately if you just need some encouragement or some more ideas of how to enjoy (not just survive) the ministry life!
All these comments are very supportive and give me hope that I don’t necessarily need a high paying job to “get by” these days. 🙂
“And my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:19 Prayers for you and your family:)
I plant a garden each spring/summer which cuts down on food expenses. In addition, I gathered up ball jars (many people will give them to you if they have them sitting around and don’t use them) and can the food that my garden produces. What I can’t put away in jars, I slice up or dice up and put in freezer bags in the freezer. I can go almost all winter on my own chopped onion and green peppers. This year I collected all of my tomatoes and my neighbor down the street brought me up a ton of his and I put them all up. I’m on a low sodium diet, so putting up my own tomatoes was a big savings! Also keep a small herb garden around so you can pick and dry your own herbs. Since herbs can be pricey in the store, whether fresh or dried, it will help tremendously. Best Wishes!
Have faith! I know that is really hard….we lived that way for several years. Two adults, three kids on about $400 a week. It wasn’t easy and there were lots of days of worrying.
My first suggestion is enrolling in WIC. I found comfort in knowing that it was only temporary while my kiddos were little. They will also help mothers who are pregnant or nursing. Use every voucher for milk, cereal, beans, veggies even if you are stockpiling it. You will get tons of cereal which might help with your eating out spending. Often if we are in a hurry and I know we will be eating dinner late, I will send the kids for a bowl of cereal before we run out the door. It will keep them from being starving and asking for the run through the drive thru. Additionally, I would even get an extra voucher from WIC during the summer to buy fresh produce. I got a bushel of apples and canned applesauce three years in a row. If the baby happen to need formula, they will help with it. I was able to nurse my kids though and stay on the program myself instead of getting the formula. As a bonus, every time I went for my appointment I would ask for samples and always walked out the diapers, deodorant, toothbrushes and so on. Well worth looking into to help with the current situation.
Our church hosted a Financial Peace University Class which really saved us. Not only did we learn alot, but we realized how many of our church families were struggling. It seems crazy that we would see these people every week and never realized what they were going through. I agree with many of the other posts. Share your needs with them. Make a list of things your family will really need when the baby comes (gas cards, grocery cards, frozen meals, diapers, volunteers around the house). I am sure people will show up with a cute outfit or a house plant, but if you give them some ideas ahead of time the gifts could be more useful.
I know how hard these times are. I’ve been through them too. Stay positive and keep working at it.
As others suggested
Sorry! took forever for the first post to go through so I typed it all again! LOL
Wow, $460/week would be a pay raise for my husband. He makes about $75-100 less than that a week.
Wow! You probably have LOTS of ideas for cutting costs. Please share. 🙂
I hope things improve for you soon. I’m really struggling financially too, but I’m a single mom and really don’t have the energy for a second job with all my kids.
When the baby comes and you get gifts that you don’t need, I would return everything you possibly could. When my little boy was born and we were told it was going to be a little girl, I had literally bags of items to return to Walmart. I used this to buy groceries and household items.
Also, if you have some close friends you can confide in, it would help. Just being able to unload my thoughts on somebody else is a huge help. Also, by doing this, you may find that people are able to help you out more.
One thing that helped us with budgeting was to get on a payment plan with our electricity provider. They average your bill for 6 months and you pay that amount. They do adjust over time, as needed. I really like this because our electricity bill is always the same. Sure, I miss the lower payment months when we aren’t running heat or AC, but I love that I don’t have to pay the huge chunk on the months that we are.
I just wrote about this on my blog recently! Our utility bill is now much lower and more predictable with programs like these.
http://theabundantwife.com/3-ways-weve-lowered-our-utility-bill/
A way to earn a little extra for eating out or even just diaper expenses is to do surveys online. I try to set aside a half hour each day once the girls go to bed to do surveys and have earned TONS of free giftcards, which definitely help. Most of the sites have rewards like amazon giftcards, which of course you can use toward anything, and the ones that don’t often have cards toward places I can get clothes for the girls or even just cards to restaurants for a treat. Swagbucks is a good way to do this, too. One site that I’ve had a lot of luck with is opinionoutpost.com. Just a suggestion. 🙂
We also have a very busy schedule, so I understand why you would want to eat out on occassion! I like to keep a lot of grab and go items, homemade and store bought, on hand to make things easier. Some examples are hard cooked eggs, string cheese (I buy this in bulk at Sam’s Club), deli meat (also from Sam’s) for sandwiches or serve with crackers, muffins (make ahead and freeze), and frozen burritos–which are perfect for brown bag lunches or late night snacks. I also always keep a few frozen pizzas on hand. They are not the healthiest food ever, but they are way cheaper than ordering one and are a godsend on busy nights.
Dear Youth Pastor’s wife: I am also a youth pastor’s wife. Our church is not big enough to support us full time so my husband works a full time job as a grounds keeper on top of the church work (bringing home 1,ooo a month). A couple of years ago our church was able to support us with 500 a month through our missions fund (it is tax free) but we were still struggling to make ends meet (and we had some debt to take care of). I put an ad out for in home day care and found a little boy the same age as my little girl (10 months). I have kept him 3-5 days a week for the past 2 years and it has done wonders for our budget! I only have 2 children and am not currently pregnant and I am sure the thought of another child to care for is daunting, but it is worth it! I charge 145 a week and my kids love having a playmate. He has become a part of our family and I get to share Christ on a daily basis with a child that has never been to church. I am praying for his and his parent’s souls. I encourage you to find a way to contribute to the income of your home.
I am the oldest of six kids, and my mother did this the entire time I was growing up. She said it actually made life easier on her because my brother (who was the only boy for most of his childhood) had a playmate to preoccupy him, and kept him from tormenting his sisters all day long! If you only babysit a few kids, you don’t need a license (numbers vary from state to state) so you could start with just one additional child and see how you like it.
Could you start a moms group within your church that would do things to help each other with finances? Such as sharing coupons, swapping stockpile items, exchanging outgrown childrens clothing and babysitting services?
You could qualify for Food Stamps. Drugstores accepts Food Stamps, I was able to get non-food items like diapers and toilet paper by 75rolling my Register Rewards and Extra Bucks from food items bought with Food Stamps. That really helped alot. As a family of 4, we got $275 and I would reserve $75 or more just for drugstore deals.
I have never been to the USA but have always been very envious of your coupon system. I have no idea if it will be very helpful, but a blogger detailed how he lived for $1 a day using coupons only to feed himself. Read more at
http://www.grocerycouponguide.com/articles/eating-well-on-1-a-day/
Also try using coupons to stockpile some groceries. You can get stuff for free or almost free – take advantage of it! Building up a good pantry using on-sale items and coupons is essential for a frugal budget. Don’t forget to use coupons for toiletries, cleaning products etc. As I said, we don’t get coupons where I live but I make use of sales to stockpile non-perishable foods, toiletries and cleaning products and keep up to a years supply of any one product at a time. My husband and I calculated that this as much as HALVES our grocery spending each year.
Eating out costs 2-4 times as much as a homemade meal. I really encourage you to carve out 2 hours a week to double or triple a recipe or two and start building a freezer stash of meals. Think soups, stews and casseroles – they use inexpensive ingredients, cook up easily in either a crockpot or pressure cooker and freeze beautifully. Load them with cheap, in season veggies to make them healthier and even cheaper.
Try find another hour or two per week to bake snacks (cookies, banana loaf, cinnamon buns, etc ). These, together with some water or juice packed quickly into a bag or cooler before you leave home are helpful to quench rumbly tummies when you’re on the run.
You can find tips on how to budget, shop/stockpile, menu plan, cook and bake inexpensively right here at MSM and at loads of other places on the net. Once you get into it, it won’t take you too much time and will save a bundle.
I agree with drawing up a budget and using the envelope system. In fact, I cannot recommend it highly enough!
Start building an emergency fund little by little, even if you just start with $5 per week – start!
I understand that ministry jobs often mean crazy schedules, but remember that a penny saved is a penny earned. Honestly, it is! By finding ways to save money, even if it takes some time (and planning, shopping and cooking from scratch do take some extra time), the money you save is as good as money earned.
Crystal also recommends committing your budget and even your menu planning and shopping trips to the Lord in prayer. I have found this to be a key “ingredient” in managing the budget. He is faithful to guide and give wisdom when we ask.
The Prudent Homemaker also points out that sometimes sleep needs to be sacrificed in order to make ends meet. Try waking up an hour earlier or staying up an hour later to work on money-saving strategies (cooking a meal, baking snacks, going through coupon and sales flyers to menu plan, researching ways to lower costs etc). I get that you’re a busy, tired mom , but thought I’d mention this anyway.
I have to ask the question where this family lives that income is much more than the average family in my area.
It all comes down to priorities and really knowing what really is important. I supported a Family of 3 (2 adults 1 child) on $400 per MONTH and that was paying for rent. We all lived in a very small apt crowded into 1 room and I flipped burgers for a living while my husband got an education and we lived off of what scraps my manager would let me take home at the end of the night. Made sure the kiddo ate first she had the run of the food and we picked at what was left. Nearly starved to death but made it because lots of paperwork issues trying to get foodstamps started.
Just keep pushing through and sometimes what we consider ‘needed’ really isn’t. I’m not going to lie it took us 3 years but once we were able to get into section 8 housing that is what we did and as soon as the paperwork got fixed we got foodstamps and when I got pregnant with my second child we went onto WIC. Use the programs that are out there just don’t abuse them. Everyone needs a helping hand at times.
In my area, the waiting list for Section 8 is so long that the wait is nearly 10 years.
Don’t give up! Our family of 5 lived on about $425 a week for several years. It was soooo hard and I completely understand your anxiety.
My first suggestion is to look into WIC. I know that you may be hesitant to enroll in assistance but for me I was comforted in knowing that this is only a temporary solution. At one point, my two oldest children plus a myself (b/c I was pregnant) were enrolled. Even if the there were items I didn’t use right away (beans, pb., tuna) I used the grocery voucher and stock piled. Additionally, you can get tons of cereal and milk. With your family’s hectic schedule a bowl of cereal might be all you have time to eat before running out the door. This could possibly save on your eating out. WIC also will help with formula for the baby. I was fortunate enough to be able to nurse but if there were any health problems I never would have been able to afford formula. While at the WIC appointment I would always walk away with extra freebies, too-sample deodorants, diapers, toothbrushes, ect.
My second suggestion is to start a list of the things that would be most helpful for your family. I agree with many of the other posts that say if your church family knew you were struggling they would help. Make a list of the top ten things your family would appreciate as “baby gifts.” These don’t have to be for the baby though. You know that people will show up after the baby is born with balloons or a live plant you will forget to water. Use this opportunity to tell people what you really need (and maybe they will also remember at Christmas time too). Meals for in the freezer, diapers and wipes, grocery gift cards, gas cards, membership to Sam’s Club, time spent helping at the house (does your yard need raked or Christmas gifts need wrapped?) Ask with for anything that would be really helpful but be sure to SHARE the list with your church secretary so word can get around.
Have faith that God will provide. Your husband was called to this work for a reason. Blessing to you and your growing family.
These are great ideas! We have asked for car seats as Christmas/birthday/baby gifts on at least 3 occasions now, soon to be four! We have an infant seat, a convertible seat, and a booster seat. With our 3rd child on the way, instead of purchasing a larger vehicle, I’d like to get one or two of those very-narrow car seats so that we can fit all three kids across the back seat of our pick-up truck. These are the kind of needs that your church family may not know about, but could help to provide for you! 🙂
Very good post Crystal!
I think it is appalling that the church would expect you to live on less than $2000 per month. Your husband’s responsibility is to his FAMILY first, not his church/employer. If the church cannot afford to pay him more, they need to adjust his “crazy ministry schedule” or adjust their expectations so he can work a second job, or assist you with childcare so you can work. I have a friend who was a youth minister for a while and also worked 5:00 – 9:00 a.m. for UPS each day. His church adjusted their expectations for his schedule so this would work for him and he was able to provide for his family. It sounds like your husband is working full time for a part time salary. Something has to give.
Some negotiations might be in order. We interviewed at one church that wanted us to work for them but couldn’t afford to include medical insurance. We were expecting our second child, and thus couldn’t get any insurance company to take us on at a reasonable price. After some consideration, they found 2 apartments owned by their church (within walking distance) that we could have rent-free (whichever one we chose), since they couldn’t provide the medical insurance.
We ended up not accepting the position for other reasons, but I was impressed with the resourcefulness of the church in trying to find a way to make working for them affordable for us. Maybe your church could get creative too. 🙂
Allison, I couldn’t agree with you more.
I think this post is a good reminder for all of us.
Many of our pastors and their families struggle financially, plus they typically are “on call” all hours of the day and night. In addition many pastors’ wives are not salaried employees of the church and yet we somehow expect them to put in nearly as much time and devotion as their husbands do. I recently have been on the receiving end of our gracious pastor and his wife after a car accident last month. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we (me) take our pastors and their families for granted and don’t really realize how much they go through to look after their flock.
This is a reminder that we can/should look for ways to bless our pastor and his family, outside the salary the church budget provides. Not only is this a help to them financially, it encourages them because our blessings tell them we love them and appreciate all they do for us.
TOTALLY agree. Do we not value the ministries? If we do, then we as the church need to allocate funds/resources so that those in the ministry can actually live above the poverty line. It’s ridiculous.
Either the salary needs to go up, or they need to cut his hours so he can work somewhere else part-time.
wow. 460 a week is GREAT for a youth pastor! My hubby is a pastor and he only makes 384 a week! But God always provides! 🙂
That is a very tight budget, but there are several things that you can do. I have written a series here: http://thepeacefulmom.com/living-on-less-than-28000-a-year-series/ about how our family of six lives on less than $28,000 a year. Maybe you can find some ideas there. 🙂
Thank you for this post-I look forward to reading through the series. I’m a single homeschooling mom of 5 who just graduated from school and is now debating about whether I”m really being called to work right now. In reading through all these posts today I think I need to review my budget as I have enough to live on now but keep thinking about future needs. God is providing now and I need to trust that he will in the future too.
Hey Jen! Just had to comment to you–I was a single homeschooling mom and while my husband was “away” (story on my blog), we lived on less than $7,000 a year for 7 years or so ;0!
Just hang in there:) I don’t know if anything on my blog will encourage you but you’re free to peek around–I faced the same decision as well–is working and having more $ really what’s best for my family right now? ((hugs)) hang in there!!!
Lizzie,
Just wanted to say thank you for the comment and I have looked at your site…really enjoining your site and links you have for single homeschooling moms. Thank you for reaching out.
I love Dave Ramsey! We used his Total Money Makeover prior to getting pregnant with our son and were almost entirely debt free by his birth. We only had a small student loan left over. The thing I love about it is if you get off track or things change you can always go back to it and reevaluate where you stand with it and how you can use it better. Awesome post!
thanks crystal for the info… such great advice! Put faith in God and he will take care of you even if you have 10 kids!
Our family spent 7 years in college ministry. One thing I trained my husband to do when he needed to eat out a lot with students was to get something cheap, sometimes even just a drink and then come home and eat to fill up. So for lunch he would eat a PB and J before he’d go meet some students, then just get something for a dollar or two to connect with students. It saved us a ton of money but still allowed him to be around students during meal time, which is a crucial time to hang out with them.
My husband is a pastor, and we do this, too! Great tip!
I don’t know if this works for your ministry position, but my husband gets reimbursed for ministry-related expenses, including meeting donors or students for dining out. He also gets a “fitness reimbursement” once a year, and he gets some reimbursement for some other costs like travel to training/conferences, and continuing education (seminary) classes. Maybe your church could pick up a few job-related costs for you.
Check out family care center’s in your area. The one in our town helps with utility bills, medications, and gives food/toiletries/household goods. You meet the requirements and would get assistance in my town! Don’t feel bad about going to these places. They are there to help people like your family!
I know it’s nice to eat out but it may be worthwhile to take a week and add up what you spend. Then figure out your monthly and yearly amounts. Then, figure out what percentage of your income is going to eating out. You will probably stop eating out so much! I would be willing to bet your church has at least a microwave, if not a kitchen. Bring foods to reheat or brown bag it, every day. Keep the lunch boxes out on the counter and make it part of your routine. If you HAVE to eat out, make it a rule that you have to have a coupon. Try to schedule it on kids eat free night and do NOT go to a place where you are being waited on by a server (don’t have to tip).
Most of us have been there…me included. Hugs!!!
as a pastor’s wife, I need to add a word of caution to this though too. Since we were running so low on money and grow our credit way too much, my husband decided to take on some extra jobs (coaching, subbing at the local schools) to make ends meet. However, now he is completely burned out and stressed (as am I since I’m working part-time 4am-10am and come home to let my husband go to work) and we are still broke. There are so many good ideas here but remember, do what is good for your family. Extra income is wonderful but think about the added stress on your family too. Good luck!
I used to be a pastor’s wife, so I know how stressful it can be. It’s easy to get burned out. My hubby is no longer a pastor, and he makes even less now than he did before. I’ve considered getting a part-time job to bring in additional income, but I believe that at this point in my life, it would be too stressful for me to do that in addition to my household responsibilities.
I did have a work-at-home-job for a couple of years, but I found that the little bit of extra money that I made wasn’t enough to justify all the time and effort that I put into it. I wasn’t getting enough sleep and felt stressed out all the time about not getting everything done. It was too much of a burden.
When my kids are older, I would like to teach piano lessons; I’ve done it before and am teaching my own kids currently. That’s all I can do right now, though. The times when I would be able to teach other kids are the same times when my kids are home from school and need my attention. Same thing with tutoring, which I’ve also done in the past and wouldn’t mind getting into again someday. This isn’t the right time in my life for those things.
So, although living on one income means having less income than we could potentially have and being more frugal, I know my limitations, and I know that doing extra work at this point, even at home, would burn me out. Just wanted to share my perspective because bringing in additional income is not a viable option for everyone.
Kristine, could you possibly get with a homeschool group and offer piano lessons while your kids are in school?
Roberta
Possibly, but I don’t feel that it’s necessary for me to work at this time, and, as I said, it’s too stressful for me to try to do any more than I’m doing now. That’s a good idea, though, and I will certainly keep it in mind for the future. 🙂
I have thought about your situation a great deal today. I consider that I am on the outside looking in and see several challenges/opportunities that you may address. One is seeing this as just that– an opportunity to embrace your unique contribution to your family, church and community. Take an honest look at your skills, talents and blessings.
Other practical advise is:
1. Keep a graditude log. Slow down and enjoy the little things in life. A flower, a song, being there with your family. We need these things alot more than more things. Teach your children to Enjoy everything in life. As I look back at my log I cherish so many adventures in life.
2. I make several lists of things we enjoy. One list is free, one minimal money and others that cost a little more but still within reach if planned for. On my free list I include things I enjoy doing by myself (mine includes a long bath with bubbles, reading, painting my nails, or maybe just a spritz of perfume or handlotion before bed). walking to the park, store, listening to music, and the library are also on the list. the library has all kinds of resources as does the county extension office.
3. One question I keep coming back to is why is this not taken to the church? You are not looking at the big picture that there are others in your position and they too are being quiet when communication and cooperation would help emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Why not start a coupon club, or buying group. My friend and I buy from a restaurant supply store and divide up the food. 50 lbs of potatos would go bad on me but split between her extended family and mine it is just right. how about people in the church who are now harvesting gardens or canning? I also can on shares or with a friend. Why don’t the families get together and have a canning day? How about gleaning? How about a clothing exchange? Hate to shop for clothes? Why not ask some of the teenagers that love to shop to hit up the thrift stores for u (along with a budget of course). The might even shop from their siblings outgrown clothes? How about the teens starting a community giving program where they help with cooking, shopping, making gifts or clothes. It would be a great benefit for them to learn how to volunteer. They also need the experience of cooking, looking up recipes, the advantage of buying in bulk, making their own products. How about them creating a price book with frugal recipes to be given to other families who also struggling. Being honest about being human and our interconnectiveness pulls people together to lean on each other. Encourage each other in the wonderful journey of life.
Crystal, your tips above are so spot-on. I second the suggestion to definitely do a written budget. Then I recommend you go to a cash only, envelope system and stick to it! When my hubby and I got married, our monthly income was $1300 only for about 7 months while he finished schooling. Being on a strict, cash-only, envelope system got us through. I still have a copy of the Excel spreadsheet with our budget broken down to each category. It is a good reminder on how little we can live on!
Definitely cut the eating out as much as you can. We had an eating out budget of $20 a month at that time. Find a place with good prices & go on kids eat free night, and you can all still enjoy a nice meal out.
Pack lunches, make a bunch of food for the freezer, so there isn’t any excuses about not having food ready. If your hubbies schedule is weird, freeze a lot of single serve meals.
Also look for local assistance that you can supplement with, whether that be food stamps, visiting a food bank, etc.
I have to add that it makes me sick that those in ministry at many churches are forced to live on such a small salary. I don’t get it. Hang in there!
I recommend that you read Amy Dacyczyn’s Tightwad Gazette. I wish I had found it years before I did. That book changed my life! Like this blog and it’s readers, the book will show you that it’s ok to be frugal and be proud of it. Attitude makes all the difference. I used to wish I had more, now I’m glad that I don’t! Amy Dacyczyn had small children at the time she wrote the book, so lots of ideas for you. Are your children school age? My state has a free and reduced lunch & breakfast program and my school offers two fruits with breakfast and two fruits and two vegetables for lunch besides the main entree.
Hi Stressed-Wife!
We’ve been in full-time youth ministry for 4 out of the last 5 years too, and depending on the year, location, and number of weeks in the month, we’ve made a little more or less than that at times. We have two kids and one more on the way.
I would echo the sentiments that others have stated. Get on a budget, and pay off any debts you have. Prioritize and cut what you can cut. Comparison shop for all your major bills. Sell whatever you can (including your second car if you have one). Use your Internet and personal strengths to find any way you can to save or make money. Tell your friends that you are trying to save/earn more money. (I recently asked around for hand-me-down Halloween costumes). Don’t be too proud to ask for assistance where you need it, whether from church or the government. Breastfeed as long as you can, and cloth diaper your babies. Accept hand-me-downs and shop for second-hand clothes or other items. Grow a garden, and learn to do things for yourself so that you don’t have to pay others to do them for you (haircuts, cooking from scratch, cleaning your house, changing the oil in your car). If you need to find cheaper housing or downsize, then do so. (We’re in the process of refinancing right now using Obama’s HARP program, which will save us 2% interest on our home, and almost $200 a month). Choose to see this as an opportunity to be as creative and resourceful as you can be.
You’d be amazed how well you can live on a little. We do our best to “live abundantly on less” and you’re welcome to follow along with our journey too. 🙂 We have learned so much through these years of scarcity, and we’re richer for it. God always provides, day after day, month after month, year after year. Trust in him!
Praying for you,
The Abundant Wife (Jess)
I also am a pastor’s wife. Formerly a youth pastor’s wife. I know how hard it is to make ends meet when you are on a youth pastor’s salary. Especially with lots of children. My advice is to completely trust God to provide for your family’s needs. He’s placed you in the ministry you are in. He knows your needs. Pray. Pray for each specific thing you need. If you need shoes and shampoo, pray for them. He will provide in ways you cannot even imagine. I can testify to that. If an appliance breaks, pray. God will carry you through the lean financial times. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Also, find out if any of the older members in the congregation have gardens and ask if they have surplus. They will be delighted to pass on fresh veggies, and even loan supplies for canning/freezing. This is a great way to build relationships outside of the youth group circle, and also provides needed food for your family.
I think it is difficult for those not in ministry to understand the struggles and demands on a ministry family. Please know that we ministry wives are standing with you, sister, and are praying for God’s provision. Blessings on your growing family – may you be a powerful witness for Christ in your community.
This is the best advice ever 🙂 We have 6 children and have been in full time ministry for 10 years…God provided for all the gaps..when the numbers didn’t add up..when we asked Him for things..waited for Him to provide and did our best to cut more and more! On a ministry salary he even allowed us to adopt 3 children internationally and we are still debt free so He is able! We have always lived on a budget and used Money Matters software (www.crown.org) to track expenses and divide up paychecks with a plan for each dollar. However when we were in the middle of adopting and the adoptions each cost more than our yearly salary, we had to get even more creative. God is a God who provides! Reading Dave Ramsey’s materials and much prayer during those times helped us find new ways to cut when we thought we had cut all that we could and God showed up in amazing ways! Pray..trust..wait and see what He will do for His kids 🙂
I don’t know if you have a home phone, but we currently have Ooma for our home phone. It is VOIP (Voice over internet protocol) Basically our phone runs on our internet. So yes we pay for internet,$40/mo. but Ooma costs us like $3/mo. Since having the internet allows us to do online sales and my husbands school work, it’s worth it. We have found Ooma superior to Magic Jack in that we have less problems with Ooma, and you don’t always have to have a computer running to have your phone on. (ooma.com for more info) Just a thought. I know you can do it!
We are a family of 9 (7 children 10 and under) living on less than that. It can be done, and beautifully!
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can do it!
We used to spend an outrageous amount of money on eating out. Consider having snacks in your bag to hold kids over. Pack hot dogs or crackers, cheese, and some turkey. Make a list of affordable places to eat.
I understand living on little. I would say that you would benefit from a meal plan. Try to do freezer meals. I have recently been doing turkey and cheese sandwiches that I freeze (trick butter the inside of the sandwich before sticking sandwich in freezer) and they thaw in the cooler and keep other things cold. I know it is hard to plan ahead like that but my husband averages about 1600 and we have 3 kids with 2 with special needs one of those kids requires a restrictive food list. Going out is a killer on the budget. I use to spend and sometimes still do 🙁 about 480 a month on fast food alone. Crazy but with therapy, school, and errands I always seem to be on the road. Praying for you.
We are working our way down to a fraction of our “original” since my husband is in seminary right now! 🙂 Can I just say how grateful I am to have time to adjust!
Where we live (Twin Cities, MN metro), a two bedroom apartment in a clean, safe area costs upwards of $1600 a month, not including electric, phone, internet, and in some cases, parking and/or laundry facilities. That’s $19,200 per year for just rent! The “experts” recommend no more than 30% of your income go to housing for a reason – it gets really tough to make ends meet when it’s more than that. No wonder living on what looks (on paper) to be a reasonable income can be so tough!
Can I add to the list of books for reference “Your Money or Your Life”. Same basic principles, but a slightly different view on the relationship between jobs and money and life.
I’ll add you to my prayer book!
Hugs,
Lea
Oh – and I totally spaced another fabulous site that might be helpful too:
The Prudent Homemaker (theprudenthomemaker.com) is a great site with recipes, sewing tips, and all kinds of living large (and beautiful) on less!
Lea
Thanks Lea!
You’re very welcome, Brandy!
Hugs,
Lea
That’s right about what we (My husband, myself, and two kids under 2) are currently living on. And that is after a pay increase about 6 months ago. We were very blessed to go through Dave Ramsay’s program right before we married. For the first two months we only purchased what was absolutely necessary and kept a record of where every penny went and then we balanced that against what was coming in and were shocked at what was leftover. So we budgeted in a few planned splurges and $$ to save each month. Within a year we had saved enough for a down payment on a home and still keep an emergency fund and purchased a home since the mortgage was less than rent (by $100!). We have paid out of pocket for both of our homebirths. We are now a two car (both used!) family; though we rarely use the truck. The biggest thing to keep my heart in the game is my wonderful brother and SIL who have been frugal right along with us and keep us encouraged and have opened up and been honest with us about their finances. Find someone who is saving every penny too and become her best friend, be honest and open with her, grocery shop together (incredible how accountable it keeps you :), cook together, call her, etc…. We are doing it without any outside or government assistance and have remained debt free with the exception of our home loan. You can make it too! Praying for you!
My heart goes out to you also! We have 10 children and made a huge lifestyle change in 2008 when we moved from AL to west TX to start a vineyard – it was financially very stressful! My biggest tip would be to write everything down that you spend – I am a pen and paper gal so a notebook is my “budget book”. You may be surprised to learn what and how much goes where!
Here is a blog post that I wrote that may be helpful:
http://dimes2vines.com/2009/12/05/my-top-40-frugal-living-tips-of-2009/
and then I revised it:
http://dimes2vines.com/2012/01/21/40-frugal-living-tips-revisited/
I will be praying for you!
I’m not sure if you have any recurring prescriptions to fill but if you do check the website(s) of the manufacturer of the stuff you take. They always have coupons (good ones, too!) and for hubby and I it has been a lifesaver to be able to save $50-$60/month on meds.
Not sure where you live but if it’s in Louisiana, I would like to offer my help.
Shoot me an e-mail through my blog!
Be encouraged that you aren’t alone!! Last year I was laid off. We went from making six figures to living on my husband’s teacher salary $1600 take home per MONTH plus $800 per month from my husband’s second job. $2,400 a month is what my family of 7 is living on. we negotiated our rent down $100 since we’ve been here for 24 months. (We spelled it out that we knew if we moved, they’d have to pay to advertise the house, lose at least one months rent and do some cosmetic repairs. $100 discount was cheaper than all of those things so we got our rent reduced and the owner kept us on!) We contacted our utility companies for “low income” discounts which range between 5 and 15% monthly. We are in the midst of completing a cell phone contract with AT&T. I called them yesterday to “cancel”, and they gave us a $30 per month credit for six months. We adjusted our auto insurance to a new carrier (esurance) and saved 10% for setting it up online. There was a “call us” option which gave us one month free insurance just by completing the new enrollment over the phone. Yay!
I’d highly recommend reading Mary Ostyn’s books (www.owlhaven.net). She is a mom to many and is alive to tell about it lol One cookbook is filled with practical tips for large families. One book is a good read for moms of large families, speaking to budgets, extracurricular activities, keeping up with the Joneses…
Oh! My kids are 14, 8, 4, 2, and 3 months. I live in Arizona where summer utilities run $500/month and we can’t grow a garden. It’s too hot to walk so we must drive everywhere (ugh!). No matter what, you can do it!!!
Allie
Allie, you should check out theprudenthomemaker.com if you’ve never read it before. Brandy has 7 children and her husband has very erratic income. She lives in Las Vegas and has a beautiful garden in the middle of the desert. I’m sure you can find some useful information on there, especially about growing a garden. 🙂
I love OwlHaven!
Allie, you may be able to grow lettuce and other fast-growing things like radishes (35 days) and green beans (60 days), if you have time to research gardening in your area. It might be a fun experience for your 4 year old!
Do you already have landscaping and irrigation in your yard? If you don’t, it would probably be cost-prohibitive to start. Water is expensive, too, so you’d have to take that into consideration.
We lived on less than that for several years, my then-husband never made more than $10 an hour and there were a lot of weeks on unemployment which was even less. We had three kids in three years and I stayed home. By law we had to have a 3br apartment. We did have the kids on state insurance, plus me for pregnancies, and we had food stamps and WIC, and got some food and gas assistance ($30 every 6 wks)from church. I’m guessing your husband doesn’t spend $200 a month on cigarettes, but I couldn’t do anything to change that spending so I had to figure out other ways to get by!
I had no money but I did have time, so I learned to coupon and play the drugstore game from MSM (I used RR on food items from Walgreen’s to get the ball rolling when I had no cash but had plenty of food stamps), and bought absolutely NOTHING that was not necessary. I eked out purchases with Amazon cards from Swagbucks combined with discounts, and did online surveys for a little cash. I used up samples from the mail before buying a full-size item. I had a huge coupon stockpile of household products that I had gotten for nearly free, and sold them in a garage sale. I had a friend who paid me $200 one time to clean their house top to bottom! I used cloth diapers a lot. We went without tires on the car for months. The bonus at that income level is the tax refunds…we’d play catch up at tax time each year. All that said, we WERE debt free!
I’m not knocking your eating out, because I know how that can be. But, when I knew I’d be out and about with the kids, I packed a lunch. PB&J travels well, water, fruit, whatever I could stick in a cooler. When we do go out, I try to stick with McD’s or Pizza Hut because the kids & I can eat there for about $10 total.
If you think you could reduce your grocery bill by coupons, it might be worth it to get super cheap internet service so you could track deals and print coupons. My internet is only $29 a month, and my coupon shopping back then more than made up for that, plus printer ink to boot!
I’m now single and taking care of the kids entirely by myself. I was faithful to my marriage while it lasted, and have tithed faithfully from every paycheck, and God has blessed me for it. I know it’s tough, but God will get you through each day. I know your scenario is not like mine, but God has been a great Provider to my kids’ and my every need. Stay faithful to him and he won’t let you down. My entire life is testament to that now.
And to echo another commenter: You qualify for government assistance. I understand if you are hesitant about being on assistance, but you are the people this program was designed for! Your husband is working and you are raising children! (Don’t even get me started about paying someone else to raise your kids…grr…) You are not the stereotypical “welfare recipient”. I did the math, and childcare would have cost more than my own paycheck! Two out of three kids are in school now and it’s still $800 a month! No way I could pay that, even more so when they were all little and it was over $1200 a month. I could never get a job that would make that cost worthwhile! Staying home was the only option, however starving or having no electricity was not part of that option.
“The bonus at that income level is the tax refunds…we’d play catch up at tax time each year.” We have appreciated that perk a lot over the last few years!
Thanks so much for commenting. Your words were very encouraging to me too!
Curious why you needed the 3 br. What state is it a law to have a certain number of bedrooms? I know that is the case if fostering, but if they are biological?
If she had children of different genders, they would not be able to be in the same room thus a 3 br would be required. I know that’s the law in VA once they are over 5. That said, I’ve never heard of anyone checking unless there’s another problem and CPS is already coming for that.
I saw a snopes thing that this was circulating in Virginia. I have heard this before but every time that I asked someone who worked at DCFS or anyone in child services, they said it was for a fostering, adoption, or if there was a certain problem. Do you have something where it is a law? I have been really curious as we have three mixed sex kids in the same room. Granted our kids are younger and not nearing puberty but 100 years ago everyone slept in the same room and no one had their own bedrooms. I am against our kids having their own bedrooms and will split them and find another house come puberty.
3 beds may also be required due to a prior divorce – if the court gets involved due to a dispute between the parents, I believe it’s possible for them to require a certain number of bedrooms.
Yes, if courts are involved they can require a certain number or bedrooms. However, usually the State doesn’t require a certain number or rooms for a family. (At least I know that in Louisiana the state can not take your children even if all you have is a 1 bedroom home.) On the other hand, apartments usually have a minimum number of bedrooms based on family size.
My number one suggestion is if you aren’t debt free try to get debt free. My husband and I along with 3 children, also in the ministry, have been living on 800-1200 a month. Thankfully we are debt free and have been provided a home to live in free of charge. Definitely check out if you can get food stamps or assistance. We are living on far less than the eligible income but because we have 2 cars we aren’t eligible for assistance in the form of food stamps. Regardless they will let you know.
One thing we’ve done is chosen to sweat in the home a little. I keep my air up high so that it doesn’t kick on very much. This saves money on our electricity (and if you have an electric hot water heater get a timer so that your hot water heater is only on a couple hours a day.) This saved us a good bit on utilities. Plus I budget $115 on my electric bill and even if my bill isn’t that much I pay that much. This has helped us build up a little credit on our bill for a month that the bill is higher or an extra tight month.
Remember to be a wise steward with your money, but also that God will provide your needs.
We have rented places in Massachusetts, Georgia and Rhode Island and all places had a max of two people per bedroom which I’m guessing was an occupancy law. If you own a house there isn’t a problem, just if you are renting. So four people can live in a two bedroom rented place but if you have five people you have to rent a three bedroom.
some states- KY and IL incl. (both we’ve lived in) is 2 people per bedroom. Some landlords are flexible but most apartment complexes must follow this law and therefore will not rent a 2 bd apt to a family of 5 or 6. and 3 bdrm apts are much more expensive. we just went thru this and lied about who would be living there. the apt actually fell thru and they forfeited our deposit. i really need that 250 back but i can’t help but feel thats what we get for lying. we did find a 3 bd house to rent- it was the only thing we could find in a safe area but the rent puts us in the red monthly 🙁 we live on slightly more than that and have been around this except for ~2 years. we use our tax return for necessities, car registration, eye glasses, and savings which slowly gets depleted thru the year. good luck and hugs. there are a lot of us out here having the same issues
There was not court involvement, we were just us, one family with 3 biological kids. In KS, at least for apartments, there had to be 1 bedroom per 2 people. We had 5 so we had to have 3 BR. Perhaps it was a gov’t regulation due to that complex being low-income, but I think we ran into the same thing in another state we lived in. We did actually need the space. I didn’t think the rent was very low for being “low-income” but it was still a decent price for the area.
I’m not sure if you meant it this way or not, but I had to speak up about your comment on, “Don’t even get me started about paying someone else to raise your kids…grr…” Families who have both parents who work outside of the home aren’t paying someone else to raise their kids. I have many, many mom friends who are blessed with amazing outside-of-the-home jobs, and while they do pay someone to take care of their child while they are at work, they are not paying someone else to *raise* their child. They are raising their child. Many times, even taking into consideration daycare, it is a better option for the family for both parents to work. Each family has to choose what is appropriate for them, and there’s no necessarily a “better” option. For my family, I work full-time with part-time hours (salaried and a very pro-family work environment). I am away from my daughter about 4-5 hours/day, max. After paying for daycare, my take home is nearly twice that of my husband’s salary. We both enjoy our jobs and feel that God is using us in our positions. Fortunately, my two best friends are WAHM, and they have never made me feel like less of a mother because I work outside of the home.
AMEN.
Amen from me too! The comment about “paying someone else to raise your kids” got my feathers ruffled. For those of you who choose to stay home with your children and have the means to do so, that’s great. But not everyone is able to do that, nor does everyone want to, and no one should not judge them. To clench your teeth and say “grrr” to someone whose lifestyle is different from yours is judgmental and unkind.
There have been numerous comments suggesting the author babysit in order to earn extra money. I’ve seen this line of thought repeatedly here on the blog whenever a post comes along where the author is looking for ways to earn extra income. No one balks at that; no one responds with the thought that we can’t do a good job taking care of someone else’s child. But to even remotely suggest the reverse, and someone will come along and say how awful childcare is. Do you see the irony in that?
I’m a single mother in every sense. I work full time outside the home because (1) I love my work and I get a tremendous amount of personal satisfaction from it and (2) I need to earn the money. Providing for my family financially is a very important component of parenthood. I’m certainly not wealthy, but I won’t willingly live in poverty in order to be a SAHM. Having an unhappy, stressed out mom is certainly not in my child’s best interest.
There are childcare workers out there who are angels on earth, worth their weight in gold. I know, because they work in my childcare center. I am a better parent as a result of what I learned from them, and my daughter is better off for having known them. The benefits to her from being in such a wonderful environment when she was young and the benefits of my income far outweigh any the downside of of the time spent away from each other.
This is not to say that everyone should do what I do. Everyone should do what is best for their families given their unique circumstances.
I could be wrong, but I’m pretty positive that Allison wasn’t referring to paying for childcare, as I know her personally and highly doubt that’s what she was referring to (especially in the context that she wrote the comment and made that statement).
I think she meant to be addressing the epidemic of neglectful parents who aren’t parenting or caring for their children and are relying upon the government to step in and raise and care for their children. Unfortunately, it’s a sad reality that happens more often than most realize. There are many, many contributing factors — but that’s a discussion for a different time and place.
At any rate, we have lots of moms here in lots of different situations and we are here to support you in your endeavors to be the best mom you can be, regardless of whether you work outside the home, pay for childcare, or stay at home.
My mom was a widow who raised us on social security money and didn’t work. I always secretly wished she would to go to work because we never had anything! Just a flip side of this.
Thank you for this comment. I’m a little late in reading this post, but I was fit to be tied when I read her comment about paying someone else to “raise” children. I work outside the home because I LOVE what I do. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Where do you live that has a law requiring a 3 bedroom apartment? Or was this some requirement because you had foster children? I also agree that people should ask for government assistance if they qualify. However there is nothing wrong with working to support your children and and paying for daycare. I work and wouldn’t qualify for assistance even if I didn’t because my husband has a decent job. However, choosing to work instead of stay home is a personal choice and there is nothing wrong with going to work if you have to. Obviously, some women can’t earn enough to make it worthwhile. I wouldn’t pay for childcare if I couldn’t earn more than what childcare costs.
There are many cities with ordinances that allow a max of four people in a two-bedroom apartment. I’ve found that it is common in college towns.
I got into this conversation on this board too. You are fine if you own the house but they are saying some rental apartments and landlords have guidelines. I have three kids in a room and even if we had another bedroom, would still have them in the same room.
Someone called in to Dave Ramsey with this exact question!
His advice to the caller was: ask the church if he
Could do part-time (and work a second job)till the church had enough money
to pay enough that he could support the family.
I think that $460 a week is ok as a means to an end
Ie. you’ve been laid off and are searching for a position, but it doesn’t seem
like your family will be able to accomplish
any financial goals in the meantime.
I think this is good advice. If the church can’t provide enough for a family to live above the level of needing government assistance, it seems your husband might be able to request some of his time back to make a bit more money on a side job, even if it’s you working as a cashier somewhere and he watches (bonds) with the kids. From a business perspective, this makes sense because everyone knows if you make someone work crazy hours and don’t pay them enough to care for their family, they will eventually look to go somewhere where they will be able to do that.
I haven’t read all the replies but I wanted to second this recommendation. My husband is a pastor. He has 2 masters degrees from a large seminary – one in Family and Marriage Counseling (his passion) and one in Religiou Education. We spent the first 9 years of our marriage with him in school. (That’s just part of our background so you know where I’m coming from)
When my husband first started full time ministry there was this idea that “real” or “good” pastors and pastors’ family only worked for the church. So if a pastor was bi-vocational then some how he was a “second class” pastor. I don’t know where this crazy idea came from but I *think* it’s more common than we want to admit. We spent many years working for churches that could not afford to pay a full time pastor salary but wanted a full time pastor.
I know there’s biblical mandate for churches to provide for their pastors. But there’s also biblical example of pastors working non ministry jobs also. For example, Paul was a tent maker. Maybe if a church isn’t big enough to provide a full time salary for a pastor then maybe the needs of the church are great enough for a pastor to devote all of his working hours to be available to the church.
I want to encourage you and your husband to have really honest discussions with each other and the leadership of the church about your situation. I believe the greatest threat to a pastor’s family is when the church’s needs (spiritual, financial, time, etc.) consistently come before the family’s needs. As pastors and pastors wives we feel called to minister and give of ourselves and it’s so easy to forget that our first priority is our own family and not the church.
“When my husband first started full time ministry there was this idea that “real” or “good” pastors and pastors’ family only worked for the church. So if a pastor was bi-vocational then some how he was a “second class” pastor.”
This makes me very sad to read. As an Latter Day Saint, all our “pastors” (we call them bishops) have full time jobs. I don’t see them any less involved in our church than the pastors I knew growing up. I think it takes a very special person to devote their life to ministering, and they should never be considered second class for providing for their family.
Courtney, I completely agree! There is no difference between a pastor called to full time ministry or one called to bi-vocational ministry. Because someone who is called to pastor is a pastor even if he isn’t paid for it – it’s a passion to minister to people. It was just a crazy “feeling” that I had (and I didn’t grow up in a church) that had no validity and that I probably would have denied having at the time. However, looking back I can see that we clung to my husband being a “full time” pastor to the financial neglect of our family for several years. I’ve seen other pastors families do this also.
My purpose in writing this was really to encourge this pastor’s wife to talk with her husband and the church leaders about the real needs of the church and and the family.
Lots of prayer. God always comes through. Sometimes he wants us to sacrifice now so that we can be blessed later (whenever later is). Also not sure how this would work, but I have a stash of cloth diapers that I have been looking to find a place to donate it to. I cannot think of anything better if you want. They are all in ones. Please somehow reach out and do not be afraid to ask for help.
Dear Stressed Out Wife – Please, let someone at the church know how you are struggling. Then when people are willing to help, take it!
I feel sometimes like we are asked for more and more and MORE money at church, and sometimes we tune those requests out. But when there was a youth intern/college student who needed home-cooked meals, I was happy to supply them. I bet there are plenty of families of the youth your husband ministers to who would LOVE to show their appreciation. But people are sometimes hesitant to offer if they don’t know what you need. Next time somebody asks if they can do anything for you (likely to be soon, with a baby due), give them some choices! Word will spread quickly.
We have an antique bench of my grandmother’s called a “parson’s bench” – I’ve always imagined that the hidden compartment was the place to hide things you didn’t want the parson to see when he visited. But more to the point, that bench reminds me every day that our churches really thrive when there is give and take between the pastors and the people – it sounds like your husband really puts the long hours in, and I bet there are many in the community who would be glad to thank you all for that ministry with supper or a car seat 🙂
I love this; thanks for sharing!
And I think her plea is a good reminder to us all to be more attentive to people in our community and church who may be struggling but might not feel comfortable voicing their struggles.
How about asking for gift cards for those meals out or freezer meals to stock your freezer so you don’t have to eat out?
I know that thinking of gifts for people in ministry is hard (how many fruit baskets, wreaths, and boxes of cookies to people really need?!!?), and maybe just putting the word in the right person’s ear will mean that this year, instead of a zillion cookies from the youth, your husband will come home with a few gift cards for resteraunts! 🙂
Lea
I totally agree. If I looked at my church budget and saw that someone on the payroll wasn’t making a livable wage, I’d contact the deacons about how we can otherwise support that person if we couldn’t increase pay.
Meals, funneling hand-me-downs through them, or special anonymous contributions from church members…yeah. People would be so willing to give if they knew there was a need.
Reading Dave’s book will be a big help and another help besides THIS blog is another Blog:
http://www.thepeacefulmom.com
She lays out exactly what they spend living on a budget very close to yours and what she does. Hope that is helpful!
Girl, we have been there and done that for nearly 10 years. We are a ministry family also, with three young kids. We are a single income family. I do have a small income from a part time (and I mean VERY part time) direct sales business, but it is not consistent, and mainly pays for extras or Christmas.
A couple of thing you can do regarding the new baby on the way. 1. CLOTH DIAPERS. We cloth diapered our third (he’s 27 mths, and still in cloth – has been since he was 2 weeks old) This is a HUGE money saver. If you have another in diapers as well, you can buy adjustable/one size covers/inserts and cloth diaper both of them using the same stuff. It’s an investment up front – but you can get a good stash of cloth diapers/covers/inserts for less than $200. cottonbabies.com is a great place to buy diapers and they often offer sales and “seconds” which help out. 2. Breastfeed if you can. Another huge money saver. 3. Make some of your own baby food – not as hard or time consuming as you might think. You can freeze it in ice cube trays, then pop the cubes out and put them in a ziploc bag in the freezer. 1 cube=1oz.
Shop Goodwill/consignment for your kids clothes. And, consign the stuff you don’t need anymore to make a little money back.
If you don’t make use of your local library – it’s a great resource for DVDs if you want to have a family movie night.
If you are going to eat out -which I know is a luxury for a mom of lots of little kids – look for places where kids eat free or where they can share an entree. One of our local pizza places has a kids eat free night each week, so our family of 5 can eat for about $14! Also, watch for coupons and skip the pricey kids meals – get a large container of nuggets from Chick-fil-a, a couple orders of fries, and everyone drinks water…. less than $15 to feed all the kids. Often my husband and I will share an entree, or we’ll bring home half if we each get our own and have it for lunch the next day.
If your church or family and friends asks if you need anything for the upcoming baby – tell them diapers and wipes/baby bath soap/etc. Those add up FAST and really eat away at the budget. Sometimes in ministry it’s hard to be honest about our needs – esp if we’re on staff at a church.
Hang in there! It can be done!
If you decide to use cloth diapers I reccommend Kawaii Baby diapers (theluvyourbaby.com) they run about $7-8 each or they have great packages where you can get 12-20 diapers for about $5-6 per diapers. they have pretty high shipping costs, but if you spend $80 shipping is free. And I’ve used fuzzibunz, bumgenius and many of the more expensive diapers and i like these just as well. i actually wouldnt reccommend bumgenius 4.0 velcro at all, I purchased several of those about a yr ago with the intention of using them for future children and I’ve already had to change out velcro and convert to snaps. If you plan to use cloth, be sure to research your detergents, etc. If that is just not in the budget right now, prefolds or flats with covers is a very economical way to go. I recently purchased 12 used newborn prefolds and 2 used thirsty size 1 covers for about $15. I made some prefolds out of recieving blankets from a yard sale, and I know someone who uses recieving blankets as flat diapers. Be very careful buying used diapers, make sure that the inside of the waterproof cover is very smooth and if you stretch it lightly you dont see any cracks (if there are bubbles they will become cracks shortly).
Good Luck!
See http://fernandfaerie.com/frugaldiapering.html for how to make your own (very creative) diapers very, very cheaply!
If you don’t have a sewing machine, try borrow one. If you can’t sew, ask someone you know if they’d be willing to do it for you (perhaps trade babysitting or something like that?)
A friend of mine who cloth diapers is using Sunbaby diapers. She likes them as well as her Fuzzibuns and says they are cheaper. Plus you can purchase diapers without the inserts. She uses prefolds to stuff them with because her son leaks through the inserts most pocket diapers come with. http://sunbabydiapers.com/
I love sunbabies. I’m using them on my son, who is 28 months and have had no problems. I used some of the name brand, and WAHM ones and had leaks and cracks and all sorts of issues.
I’m a bad “cloth diaper” person, and I just use purex detergent. The sheets that were on sale for pennies last year. I just cut off the fabric softener portion.
What detergent do you use on your cloth diapers?
I echo the EBAY suggestion. I am also a pastor’s wife and that is what I have done to supplement our income while staying at home. Shop clearance racks for brand new items or even better if you have an outlet shopping center near you. Brand new items with tags sell well, especially name brands. Even if it is only a few dollars (although I have been able to do well with this), it will help!
As a pastor’s wife myself my heart goes out to you! Yes I think you can totally live on that amount of money. It will be a challenge but I am sure you will be amazed at exactly how little you can live on. During 2011 while we were helping with a church plant my husband worked at a Mexican restaurant and we lived on a little bit less than that. At the beginning I really doubted whether we could make it but God was so faithful and we made it! I did babysit/nanny for about half of that year which helped some. What really made a big difference in my mind is slashing and reducing our spending. I just stopped buying anything that was not a complete neccessity. We walked to the library a couple times a week, played the DrugStore game, and cooked just about everything we ate. I also signed up for all the free samples I could get my hands on and read moneysavingmom daily. 🙂
In your question you mentioned that you often eat out due to how crazy a ministry schedule is. One thing that we did was to pack lunch or dinner all the time when we were leaving the house. Even if I didn’t think we would be out during dinner I would ALWAYS pack a small cooler of drinks and a few snacks to tide us over until we could come home. If you don’t have a nice sized cooler I would invest in one right away. We also got a lot better at hospitality last year since we had no money to eat out with friends. Instead I would cook a whole chicken with inexpensive sides and homemade bread and have friends come over for dinner. Instead of just grabbing a bite to eat at a restaurant we made lasting memories over dinner in our home. Feel free to email me if you would like to know more about our budget or have any other questions. 🙂
I hear ya! Several years ago we were in the same position. 3 kids, 2 bedroom apt, and 1 income. My husband was working at the same place hes worked since he was 14. He was 20 and I just turned 21. Times were very tight. We did not have any extra pleasures. Our car payment was just as much as our rent. But it was my husbands baby, and he was just too stubborn to let it go. I had to give up my life as a sahm and help provide for our family. i felt like i was just working to to pay for his “baby”. Times were very tough, we were very behind, we were often behind on several bills.
Our savings consisted of a glass jar full of whatever change we had to fill it. But eventually my husband was offered a better paying job. He was only able to have ti for a few months before he got laid off but it really helped us get caught up on bills and put a little in savings.
My only advice to you is to search for every penny. Although it may be a penny it will add up. And when you need it the most, God will provide for you. Tried and True!
Don’t feel to proud to ask for help, even government help. Based on your family size and income, my guess would be that you qualify for some help. God can bless us in different ways if our hearts our open to it. Blessings to your family, and your new little one on the way!
It was a huge hit to my pride to have to walk into a food bank for the first time. I was VERY pregnant, with two kids in tow, and I felt like a failure driving there. But you know what? After I left, and my trunk was filled with groceries, I sat in the drivers seat and cried happy tears. I knew God was helping to direct my path, teach me humility and helping me to provide for my family. Receiving assistance isn’t a sign of failure, in fact, it’s Biblical! God calls us to take care of the poor and needy.
After a couple of trips to the foodbank, I decided to sign up for WIC, which has been a huge blessing for my family (it saves us about $200/mo. in groceries). My husband makes just enough over the limit that we don’t qualify for a lot of things, but WIC and Medicaid are a couple of things we can receive, and what a help they are to our budget!
In turn, find ways to bless others. I know you are a minister’s wife, and being in the ministry, you end up using your own resources A LOT of times to help others (I know – I’m a pastor’s daughter), but packing up those outgrown baby clothes, and giving them to someone in your church you know can use them, watching a single mother’s kiddo while she goes to an interview… these are things that help others, and keep us in an attitude of giving without using your financial resources.
And I wanted to also echo what others have said previously, and that is find a way to make extra money, even if it’s just a little. And budget, budget, budget.
Here’s some scripture I’ve found that SAVES MY BACON! Sometimes it’s so easy to feel so overwhelmed and stressed out about finances, and these are my favorite go-tos:
Matthew 6.24-34 ‘do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. ..But seek first the kidgdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you.”
Proverbs 19.14-15
1 Chronicles 4.9-10
I did some quick calculations, and your husband makes about what my husband makes as a Christian school teacher. Not much, I know! We have 2 children, and my 18-yr-old BIL lives with us during the school year as well.
The main thing that keeps us afloat is the fact that I also work part-time from home. I understand that when you’re in the ministry, your husbnd is away a LOT. My husband comes home for supper, then goes back to work, and then if it’s a good night, he gets back home in time to go to bed by midnight, then gets up at 6:30 and starts all over again. So I completely understand having all the pressures of raising the children. But I’ve found that we MAKE time for the things that are important to us. For me, one thing that I make time for is my home business, because for us it makes the difference between barely scraping by and living without stress over bills and food.
. Are you musically gifted? Do you bake or sew or knit? Do you have a skill that you could prepare lessons about and have a class? Can you babysit? Find some way to use what you can do to generate additional income.
My husband brings in roughly $400 a week, sometimes $380. What worked for us was writing out every single bill we get every month, totalling up the costs, and dividing by four. That way, the same amount came out every week for bills, and I knew what I had to work with after. I know how much he spends in gas getting to a from work, and some weeks when I have no appointments or errands, I stay home to save on gas. It can be boring sitting at home all week but it saves money. We put about $10 a week into the savings account. It’s not much, but it adds up fast. One thing I like to do while I have to sit down anyway to nurse, is doing surveys on sites like MyView, MyPoints, or Swagbucks, to pull in points for gift cards. It’s not much, I make around $10-$25 a month doing it. But it’s more than we had and if used on Amazon gift cards I can get household items for free. Last month we got toiletries. We also eat rice or beans or potatoes at every dinner. It’s so cheap and a great filler when money’s tight. Another thing we do if we just can’t afford groceries is get creative. Pancakes are easily made with what’s on hand and the kids think it’s fun to have those for dinner!
Samantha, just had to 2nd your advice. Averaging out the bills has helped us a lot! You sound a lot like us with your other suggestions as well. 🙂
I am not in your situation but we don’t go out to eat very often. Maybe once a month or less. We recently cut off our satellite, almost a year ago. We are a family of 4 adults (age 21 +) and we are currently living on less than $1,000 per month. We spend around $80 for Home phone and Internet bundle (monthly), $260 for groceries for a month. Power bill recently increase to approximately $200 per month. We keep our air conditioner on 80 degrees and unplug everything that’s not in use. Maybe you live in a area that doubles coupons. I recommend to spend the money you used out to eat for a meal to purchase a year’s subscription to a local newspaper. Food Banks may help especially since you have little ones. Price Comp is another option if your husband would be willing to baby sit. I hope this helps. 😉
Tanesha— What do you use for phone and internet? We are looking at ways to lower our cable/internet bill and will probably get rid of cable.
We canceled our cable TV subscription a few years ago and just have cable internet. We do get Netflix, and we have a Roku and an antenna for broadcast TV. We also canceled our land-line phone and use only cell phones, and our cell phones are not smart phones, so we don’t pay data charges for them.
what is price Comp I tried goggling but still not sure thanks .
Patti
Price comparison.
I understand your struggles! I wanted to encourage you to sell outgrown clothes on eBay if possible. Baby clothes sell especially well. I even go to garage sales and buy baby clothes for cheap (garage sale standards are different than eBay standards) and then sell them for more on eBay. In my first month of doing this in my spare time (I have a 2 yr old and a newborn), I made $300! It was an encouraging way for me to make a little extra income for our family, and it really isn’t too hard once you get your feet wet.
I am also having to make a very specific budget. And when I looked at how much my hubby and I spend on eating out I realized how much more we could save! We don’t have kids yet but I have to get on his insurance and pay for expensive meds so that reduces his check a lot I just quit my job to work from home so until I get my foot in the door we will stick to this budget. And so now instead of eating out I go to the store once a week. Spend my allotted amount then chop up fruits and veggies and package in baggies and containers for easy snacks. My hubs is the king of casseroles so on Sunday’s we make one and eat for two or three days. To change it up well cook a whole chicken or a pound of ground beef then separate it and make quick sides in the evenings. The more you can prep on weekends the less tempted you are to eat out. Good luck to you!
I also had good luck selling my old maternity clothes on ebay. We were certain there would be no more children for us. Maternity, baby, and children’s clothes seem to be easy sellers on ebay. I have tried to sell other stuff (collectible stuff like comics and glassware that has been sitting around in our basement) with mixed success. Sometimes stuff that I think will sell well gets no bids and stuff I think no one would want sells well.
But I have always felt confident selling maternity, baby, and children’s clothes. People wear those clothes for a short time and are always looking for deals. But I suggest selling stuff that’s in reasonably good condition. I wouldn’t sell anything I wouldn’t give to a friend.
I’m a pastor’s wife too. While our salary isn’t as small as yours is currently it used to be. My husband taught me that if we followed biblical principals for giving, from our first fruits, not what was leftover (Proverbs 3:9) and to missions (Philippians 4:19 was written to a missions-minded church) in addition to the money saving tips already you will have what you need. It took a lot of faith-practice…because I honestly didn’t believe it! But God did provide. I also tried to figure out what marketable skills I had. The easiest at the time was teaching piano. If there is something you do and can teach others to do, anything, it’s marketable! It will take some time to get any new source of income off the ground, but if God is guiding you it will get off the ground! Just prayed for you. I know how hard it is to trust God and not worry when the numbers don’t add up.
Melissa you are totally right. I am a pastor’s wife and right now my husband has no income. We are living off of our savings, but God is teaching us to live each day through faith. This is not an easy time, but God always blesses obedience and owes no man anything. My favorite verses for this are Philippians 4:19 and Proverbs 3:5-6.
At that income level, you definitely qualify for assistance. United Way has access to resources that help with utility bills, groceries, housing, etc. November is when most states start accepting applications for LIHEAP.
YNAB (you need a budget) is also a great program and the book is available for free online. You have to pay for their spreadsheet, but once you read the book and understand the methods it is really easy to just create your own. (sorry, not a Ramsey fan here….)
I assume you stay home with the kiddos. Is there anything you could do from home to earn some extra $$? Babysitting other kids, sewing items to sell on etsy, etc.
Seconding the YNAB recommendation. They offer a 34 day free trail of their software, I’d definitely give it a shot. You do NOT need the internet to use the software, so if you have a laptop you can take to public place like McDonalds or Starbucks and use their wifi to download it, I would.
I’m using YNAB budgeting software too…it has changed my life. It does have a one time cost, but it is totally worth it. Maybe you could e-mail YNAB and explain your situation…they may give the software to you for free?
That is such a great suggestion. I met the founder/creator of YNAB at a conference two weeks ago, and he is a nice guy who is sincerely interested in helping people. The company only has about 15 employees, so your request will probably be seriously considered.
If you are pregnant, you would also qualify for WIC, which I believe would give you assistance with basic groceries such as produce and dairy products.
WIC is also available for children under 5 – so if any of your children are under 5, you can also get some food assistance for them.
Dear Youth Pastor’s wife: I hear ya! Also youth ministers wife. If you need encouragement from someone who understands, I’d love to chat with you!
Stacy
I’m also a Pastor’s wife..music and youth..we definitely should find a way to help each other!!! I feel the same!
I know all churches are different, as ours too pays low salaries ( because all monies are collected from attenders, which is low in our area) but a house and its insurance is also part of the salary for the senior and youth pastors.