Guest post from Sally of SallyLynnHall.com
Some years birthdays are big ol’ parties around our house — homemade elaborate cakes, lots of guests, games, activities, homemade decorations, and oh the food!
Mostly these are the milestone birthdays — 1, 5, 10 and so on — with a few random shindigs thrown in here and there. We’ve had dinosaur hunts, Elmo themed parties (three, to be exact), video gaming parties, picnic/old school kid games parties, and we’ll probably have countless more themes over the years.
However, the majority of the time we don’t. In fact, my kids have only had two big parties each. That does not mean we don’t celebrate — quite the contrary, actually. We just do it differently: we do it a bit more intimately during the “in between” birthdays.
Of course, I do not think blowout birthdays every year are wrong at all. We just choose not to celebrate that way (with multiple kids it’s hard on our wallet and sanity). Plus, we’ve discovered that simple does not necessarily mean less, it can actually mean so much more!
Let me explain.
Recently, my middle kiddo turned seven. It wasn’t a “milestone” birthday, but every birthday is special and we wanted him to feel that.
We started the festivities with a tradition from my childhood: three days of birthday. For three days — the day before his birthday, the day of, and the day after — he got to choose what we made for dinner, what TV show we watched at night, and usually, various family members would surprise him by doing one or two of his chores for him.
During one of those days we went to Cracker Barrel for our traditional “breakfast with the family”, followed by the birthday boy being able to pick one small toy in the shop for his present. (My husband started this tradition a few years back and it has quickly become a favorite. Even the adults take part on their birthdays! Whatever family members that are off work and are in town usually tag along to these annual breakfasts if they can, but there’s no pressure and it’s just as fun with only our clan.)
There are other little things that sometimes happen as well — we might bake or buy treats to take to our homeschool co-op, or an aunt or grandma might take the birthday kid out for ice cream or some other special outing.
But my favorite thing we do?
A very special bedtime story the night of their birthday. We sit down with pictures and scrapbooks of the kiddo we’re celebrating and while we look through years of firsts — baths, trips, foods, parties, Christmases and haircuts — we talk about the day they were born.
We tell the funny moments, the sweet moments, who was there, what was said and on and on. You would think they would get tired of this, but from the two-year-old to the ten-year-old, they soak it up. They could probably tell their birth stories for me. Well, not the toddler… not yet. And even though they know the answers already, each year it’s the same questions:
“And what did I say to the nurse who said that baby is so cute?”
“You said ‘That’s my new baby brother – go away!’ ”
And they laugh and laugh like it’s the first time they’ve heard it. And me? I bask in those first few moments of their lives with the blissfulness that comes years after the exhaustion of labor. I get to relive the good stuff.
So parents who can’t go big or even medium for each birthday, take heart. It can still be special and your child can feel just as spoiled. Maybe not with fanfare and presents, but instead, with cherished memories and special moments just for them that say, “I’m so glad you were born!”
How do you “do” birthdays?
Sally Hall is a part-time freelance writer, full-time wife, mom, and homeschooler, and a foodie at heart living in Texas. She has written for a series of women’s travel books, homeschooling publications, webzines, international ministries, and is currently finishing her own book! Follow her random musings over on her blog.
We actually celebrate without a formal party (although since they’ve been school age it’s always been an option presented to them). Instead we take a family day and pull them out of school and spend the day going somewhere of their choosing. My oldest is 12 and still prefers “family day” over a big birthday party. We’ve explained when they were little that birthdays are a day for all of us to celebrate that person joining our family and they seemed to like that idea and have stuck with it thus far however if they ever want a party we wouldn’t be opposed to it.
We don’t do “friend” parties in our family. As they got older (now 14, 11, 10, & 4), we allowed them to have a playdate, now sleepover, with 1-3 friends depending on their age. This might happen nowhere near their big day and we don’t make a big deal that it is birthday to their friends because it isn’t about a gift.
For their birthday, they get to pick dinner and have even asked for a movie out if there is something we all want to see. We hosted family (grandparents, aunt & uncle, cousins, & godparents) parties for each of them for the early years. Our family lives away, so it was a good time to visit. As they, and their cousins, got older, it was hard to get a date cleared. When our 4th was born, we switched to 1 big party, in the summer, to celebrate them all. They have a part in the planning, each get to pick a dessert…the weather is generally nice. It let’s the focus be on family and we like that.
We have also chosen to only “go all out” on the big birthdays for our son. We discussed it before he was even born and decided that 1,5,10,16,18,and possibly 21 will be the big ones. the in between will still be celebrated but only with family and one or two very close friends. This year happens to be year number 5 and all I can say is I am so glad we don’t do this every year.
After years of feeling exhausted before parties with all the prep, gathering RSVPs, planning, cooking, budgeting, buying of goodie bags, thank you note writing, etc., we decided not to do parties with friends for at least a few years.
We’ve redirected all that party focus straight to the birthday kid. We celebrate them the entire day, much like everyone here has described. Special breakfast, lunch, and dinner out with grandparents. We plan a special activity (last year on my daughter’s late October birthday, we spent the day at a local corn maze and fun farm–huge corn maze, hay rides, cool animals, big slides, funnel cakes, pumpkins, etc.).
Since redirecting our focus from hosting a party to truly celebrating the birthday kid, birthdays have become so much more special. I think the kids can feel the difference in how relaxed and fun mom and dad are when we’re having fun instead of stressing over budgets.
This approach has definitely worked for us. 🙂
Growing up, we had a bigger party (invited 5-6 friends) for our 5th, 10th, 15th year and our golden birthday. Any other year we invited primarily just our grand parents. Even if there wasn’t anyone coming over to celebrate, because of sickness, etc., my mom would still decorate a bit with balloons, streamers and a happy birthday sign and we would always have a cake of some kind.
In other cultures birthdays aren’t even celebrated. And I didn’t want my children to expect big birthday celebrations or gifts every year so they are allowed to choose a birthday “experience day” or a party (which is still an intimate gathering on a budget). Whichever they choose that is the gift from us as parents. I will make cake and we decorate the house and let bday child pick a dinner to make. Also at the end of the day the child gets a special birthday prayer. Everything is low-key but still special. Btw, my kids almost always choose experience day and we have visited unique awesome places and made wonderful family memories, which I love!
One tradition we have is a birthday book. First thing in the morning the birthday child gets to open a gift which is their book. I pick a book that captures their personality or interests at their current age. Dad reads the birthday book to the child before going to work. Our kids LOVE it and they have all their birthday books with their age recorded inside the cover.
We also have a fun tradition of celebrating half birthdays as a family. I’ve made “half birthday cakes” and well as “brookies” (half brownie/half cookie). Our kids usually get 1 small gift (often second hand) and usually summer related since their actual birthday are during the winter.
Every year, for my son’s birthday, I will decorate the house with balloons, streamers and a Happy Birthday banner. I make his favorite breakfast, take him to the store to get a toy of his choice and bake his favorite cake. When my husband gets out of work, we take him to his favorite restaurant. This year for his 8th birthday (it was also his golden) we had our family up to celebrate. The only big party we have had was when he turned one years old. We moved around a lot between then, so planning a party was difficult. Now that he is in his school days, his birthday is right in the middle of spring break when everyone has already made plans. So we just stick with our tradition of making him feel special on his day. 🙂
My child’s birthday is in the summer so we have done small family parties during our annual trip to visit family. Last year we planned a small family event & one relative (w/ 3 kids – one very close in age to m own) was really rude & knowing that it was a small event didn’t show or call to say her kids were not coming.
I have also done class parties at daycare. It’s my kid’s group of friends. I have extra helper hands & it doesn’t drag on since we usually get an hour.
This year is a milestone birthday so the plan is to make our first trip to Disney w/ no other birthday stuff, except the class event. We’ll see how that goes.
Birthday events are really tiring as a host and as a guest. It would be nice if parents could find a moment to send a thank you gift to the kids who attend their parties/bring gifts.
I think these days people aren’t very considerate. My kids and i go to parties when invited, yet when its my kids birthday party, no one hardly comes or RSVP’s. One time we only had 2 friends show up out of 8 invited. So discouraging. So now to save on heartache, we plan special activities for the birthday child, build-a-bear and mall outing, zoo, bounce houses, water park day. And then have a dinner one night near their birthday with grandparents, low key party. We have more fun just the 4 of us celebrating the birthday child, we love them the most anyway!
I love this! Thank you for sharing. We don’t do what we call “friend” parties very often either. Only every few years. We usually have a small family party with Grandparents and any other family members who can come. I’ve been trying to add in some other fun events around the day too. I like to mix it up. This year one of my daughters got to pierce her ears as her birthday gift. We took another daughter to Sky Zone with just her siblings for her birthday. I think the day can be quite fun without a high price tag or a lot of stress.
I love fun, memory making days like that!
We have 4 daughters all born in April within four years of each other (we have twins in the middle). We did milestone birthday parties with friends: 5, 10, 16. We planned the 5 yr old party–after that they were given a budget. They had to plan food, help invite guests, and come in at or under budget for their party. It was a great learning experience. The other birthdays were with family–they could choose their favorite meal, resaturant, or activity. Great memories!
This past winter my son turned 10, and he is a HUGE football fan. I surprised him by a day trip to Gillette Stadium and Patriots Place. We saw their Hall of Fame, had lunch, and went bowling there too. He got to pick out one t-shirt, but it was more about the experience than ‘stuff’. Of course this worked out good because we’re fairly local (~2.5 hour drive). We both had a great time and it showed him that not all gifts come wrapped in a box.
After my mother passed from this earth when I was little that was it for birthdays, we were lucky to have food in the house and my dad took to drink..We were taken away and in foster care where it was a hell on earth I really started to live when at 18, I got to go live in California with my maternal grandmother..I mean she was nearly 90 at the time but we made do..She celebrated everyday we got to be together and cooked marvelous meals made from very little money or ingredients but we were together and that is all that mattered..I am approaching a birthday end of this month it happens to be my 41st wedding anniversary I spoil my hubs but pass thru my birthday and that is oky doky with me..after all it is the life in your years with those you love not years of your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just have one son and it can be exhausting to plan parties. Now that he is older he has decided he doesn’t like having parties. So he gets to chose an activity and who he wants to invite. Everyone has a good time and we have cake and ice cream.
My boys birthdays are 1 month and 1 day apart (with 4 years between them). Their birthdays are 11/19 and 12/20, so right in the mix of the holidays. I usually do one “event” for them together. They have always picked an event over a party. We go look at Christmas lights and eat somewhere fun. We invite family and friends along, at their own cost and usually just 1 friend and 1 family member join us but the boys have fun.
My girls birthdays are 3 days apart (5 years in between) and we have a small party for family and close friends (that’s what they have picked).
I make the cakes for all of their events. And on their actual birthdays I make their favorite meals. Also on their actual birthday the other members of the family try to tell the birthday person happy birthday as many times as possible. The kids love it!
I only have one kid and all my family and my husband’s live within an hour drive from us. His parents split a few years back and it was a terrible spilt. My parents work weekends and so do a few other family members which means my little one gets not just one, but serval big birthday parties. Everyone is very involved in our lives and she can easily expect to have 30 people show up to a party without counting friends. I say this to give you a short background when I say thank you. I’m trying to figure out how to tone down the giant birthday week that means days off work, cooking until I can’t see my kitchen anymore and relatives coming in and out of the house. She is only 3 now and we do regularly see all these family members, but it doesn’t have to be such a dramatic event every year. I think I’ll use a few of these to help tone it down.
My husband’s parents are divorced. Things were definitely not peaceful, but I finally said this isn’t about them…we would only host 1 party for each of our children, which included grandparents, aunts & uncles, and cousins. We said if they didn’t want to come, that was ok, but if they did, all behave. Believe it or not, it led to some holidays together and a more peaceful extended family. We have 4 now and have instituted 1 big gathering for all in the summer. They mostly steer clear of each other…I am ok with that.
Growing up, we had a similar routine. The day of the birthday was “our day” – which meant many of the same things mentioned: we got to pick breakfast, lunch (if we were home, or we got to buy lunch from school), and dinner. We got to pick the TV shows that evening. We did not have to do any chores. We got to pick a board game to play after dinner.
Then, we almost always had a slumber party the following weekend. For my single dad this was a very cheap party. The birthday girl got to invite up to 6 friends and each of the two sisters got to invite 1 friend apiece. My dad would use pizza coupons for dinner, make a homemade cake (never fancy but we never noticed), and buy a huge pack of toilet paper for various games that we would play. The next morning he would make us letter pancakes. Then, everyone would pack up and go home. I bet my dad never spent more than $50 on a birthday.
We let our children choose. Our older son is very social, and he almost always wants a party. Our younger son is more of a home body, and he often asks for just a family party or an experience gift.
I do think if you Want to have a party every year, that they can be done inexpensively. We have had most of ours at home, and they have never been budget busters. I think Pinterest has made everyone a little crazy-lol. My parties as a child were always at home, with a fun cake and homemade games. They cost practically nothing, and I have nothing but happy memories from them.
Thanks for this thoughtful post. It sounds like you are making many sweet memories together.
I think the idea of a party or a present is such a good compromise! And you’re right, every kid is so different. 🙂
Our children, 7 and 5, have a choice between a birthday party where they can invite friends or birthday gift(s). We’ve done this for the last three years or so and our kids have always chosen a party. The parties have ranged from taking the kids and a few friends to local indoor play places to renting a boat for a few hours to go tubing with two special friends. We have explained that these activities are pricey so they are the gift if they choose the party over presents. We have loved all the fun experiences with them and their friends and we really love not having a bunch of extra stuff in the house. 🙂
That is such a great idea!
I love the way you celebrate birthdays! And you are right, it is about making that person feel special and loved! We have done the birthday meals, small gifts, and now that the kids are older, we also write special notes to the birthday person. There is just something that touches the heart when someone writes on paper the reasons you love them.
Oh I just love the note idea – might have to add that as the kids get older!
I only have one child, but I’m on board with you. We always do a family birthday with pizza and cake, usually the weekend before or after (this has been a total of 15 each year including us, but now we have two new babies, so it’s growing. We did big-ish kid parties for 4 (camping theme), 8 (Lego theme), and 10 (Water Wars theme), and we’ll probably do one at 13. I have also invited just a couple friends to go with us to a movie he picks out (matinee), but don’t call it a birthday party. I love your Cracker Barrel breakfast tradition and might see if he’s interested this year (12).
My oldest child’s birthday is Halloween, my middle kid’s birthday is Canada Day and my youngest child’s birthday is Christmas Eve. We’ve done the big party thing, and it was a huge pain. People said they’d come and didn’t, then I was left with huge amounts of leftover food. One year a severe weather event came through and knocked out our power, so I had to cancel it and throw away a fridge full of food. No more! Now I make a cake of the birthday person’s choice, the birthday person picks that day’s dinner, and they get a few presents. Done.
The reason why I stopped, though, was because of my inlaws. At the last “big” party, my mother in law was insistent on having a “family photo” done. Well, she wanted it right in the middle of the party. Not the time or the place. She started crying, putting on a huge show and being melodramatic. Then a month later, she wrote us a nasty-gram about it! My father in law also berated my dad because my dad didn’t know how to use his very expensive camera.
After that particular party, I said no more. My inlaws rebuffed this and so did my parents. My parents got over it though, but the inlaws still haven’t. They just don’t seem to get that my husband and I are in charge of our household – not them.
My older kids make the birthday kid breakfast in bed. It’s the only time of year I allow food in bedrooms let alone beds! ; )
Oh I love that idea! And keeping the eating in their rooms to only birthdays makes it even more special!
I love the idea of sharing their life’s stories (thus far!) on each birthday. What a special event!
We also do “bigger” celebrations during “milestone” birthdays. :p
I remember a party for my 5th birthday and my 10th birthday. I had some kind of outing with friends for my 12th as well but I wouldn’t call it a birthday
Have you heard of the “golden birthday?” The ‘Golden Birthday’ is the day where a human being turns the same age as the date to which they were born (Example, turning Twelve on the 12th of October). I read this in a book and thought it was a neat idea. Unfortunately DS was born on the 30th of the month, so he won’t reach his golden birthday for awhile.
YES!!! Sadly, I found out about this long after my golden birthday and after my oldest kids. Lol
But I plan on honoring it with my of youngest! Such a fun thing!
My three kids have their birthdays within 3 months of each other, so if we did a “big” party or event for each of them in the same year I think I’d go crazy. Plus, it’s not in our budget. So a few years ago we started the idea that each year one child would have a “special birthday” where they get to choose an event above and beyond our usual pick-your-birthday-dinner-and-what-kind-of-cake-you-want routine. It can be anything within reason–Chuck E. Cheese, a fun museum somewhere out of town, a bouncy house place, or they could even choose to have some friends over and have a party. So far no one has chosen a party–they just like the option to choose something that we wouldn’t normally do. And they know that each year during the first few months there will be something fun happening–even if it’s not for their birthday that year.
I have been thinking a lot about birthdays since I have 2 coming up next month. We have always given gifts and done at home parties. I always make the kids their favorite dinners, buy balloons from the dollar store, and make them a character cake of their choice. I take them out to Chick-Fil-A for lunch so they can play on the indoor playground and avoid the heat. This year, I think they will want a friend party since they went to several during the year. I saved money on gifts by shopping early through Kmart’s SYW Rewards. They have been sending me $10 off in points when you spend $20 on toys or $20 off a $30 toy purchase offers. I have combined these deals with gift cards earned through swagbucks. I’ve spent less than $30 out of pocket for all three boys.
My oldest is 3, and her birthday is December 21. We’ve decided to see her holiday birthday as a blessing. Birthdays are not about tons of gifts or huge, elaborate parties in our house, they are about celebrating a special person, eating a treat, and sharing a present or two. Now that we have a second child, we hope to keep the same, simple birthday traditions. It’s about the kiddo, not the stuff!
I love your tradition of telling the birth story on their birthdays. Very sweet, and what a great way to help a child feel loved. I actually just wrote about why we have simple birthdays on my blog this week, too. Funny!
Awesome Birthday Traditions!
In our family, we allow the birthday-er to pick all meals for their special day. We usually bake and decorate our own cake.
Grandparents have also been known to take the birthday-er fishing on/around their birthday. They love this…. special time with Papa & Grandma on their boat.
We have only done a few large get together parties as well. Mainly because we have 2 siblings that are born only 5 days apart. One being a girl and one being a boy. There are getting older, so we can no longer do ‘shared’ birthday parties/get togethers. Twice we have done elaborate parties with 50-70 people and it was WAY too much. So much in fact that the birthday boy and girl went in their rooms and took naps…. right in the middle of the party!
I have to say that I love your tradition of looking at pictures and telling stories of past years. That is so adorable. Great idea!
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much – I was truly honored to share! And I love the special moments your kids have with their grandparents. I have the BEST memories of fishing with my grandpa when I stayed with them over the summers. They will cherish that forever!
Your family tradition seems very interesting!
Normally we just go out for dinner the night of my son’s birthday
My mom did big parties at ages 1-10, then not again until I was 13. But several of the years 6-10 were joint parties with my sister who’s birthday is about 6 weeks after mine.
Parties are great, and I’ll have them for my kids, but the best memories are picking my favorite meal to have or go out to and just being the center of attention for a few days- we did birthday weeks.