Of all the comments left on my What Do You Want Me to Write About post, I read this one and knew I had to respond to it:
I’d love to know about the things that challenge you. I know you say that you don’t have everything together, you have a great team working for you, and that you are definitely not supermom.. but it still seems like you don’t struggle at all. I’m not talking about a fear of public speaking that you were able to overcome (and good for you!) .. I’m talking about real life.. how are you a human being and not a machine? -Jenna
Truly, Jenna, I wish you could have dropped by my house last week.
You see, last week was a B-A-D week. Really bad.
For five weeks, we’d been running, running, and running. Packing up our house in Kansas, driving 15 hours in one trip to TN, unpacking in our new house in TN, multiple speaking engagements in different states, a wild trip back to Kansas as a family, get-togethers with friends old and new, finding our way around in a new town, hosting out-of-town guests, and starting summer activities, all while running a business and adjusting to a completely new schedule and way of life.
And all that running caught up with me. And I was just plain tired. Bone tired.
The adrenaline wore off last week and the tiredness hit me like a mac truck and engulfed every area of my life. I was irritable. I was on edge. I was creatively drained. And I felt like I had nothing to give to anyone.
I stayed home as much as possible, considered not getting out of bed at all one morning, and was generally a really grouchy person to be around. My poor family and close friends had to deal with a yoga-panted mess of a woman with unfixed hair and a sassy, rude attitude for a few days.
Trust me: it wasn’t pretty.
So yes, I’m very, very human. And my family and close friends will be happy to vouch for this if you have any questions as to the validity of that statement. 😉
I share all this in hopes that it encourages you, Jenna. I’m a work in progress just like everyone else.
There are so many issues I struggle with — insecurity, fear of what others will think of me, being a perfectionist, over-analyzing things, feeling like I’m not good enough, comparing myself to others, speaking before I think, lack of patience, among many other things.
Pretty much every day, I feel so very, very inadequate to be writing, speaking, or blogging about anything since clearly I’ve got a boatload of my own issues to work on. And there have many many, many days when I’ve seriously considered deleting this blog and maybe buying a one-way ticket to some foreign country.
However, truly, I look back over the past five years and realize how many healing has gone on in my heart. I still struggle with fear, insecurity, being a people-pleaser — and a host of other things — but not in the acute, debilitating way I used to.
The opportunities that have resulted from blogging: meeting new people, stepping outside my comfort zone, speaking, traveling, consulting — these things that would have been absolutely and downright frightening to me a few years ago — have been a major part in my own personal healing.
The authentic relationships I’ve formed as a result of blogging — with people who won’t let me settle for less than being the best I can be, people who love me enough to wholeheartedly celebrate my gifts and also to speak truth into my life when I need to hear it most — these people have been deeply instrumental in helping me change from the inside out.
And so, I continue to blog, write, and speak. Even when I feel so unqualified and incompetent (which is pretty much every day!). Because I know it’s what I’m supposed to do right now… despite my short-comings, failures, and struggles.
Thank you, each of you, for joining me on this journey. I appreciate you so much!
jenna says
Thank you for responding to my comment. You really have no idea how much I appreciate you taking the time and effort. Thanks for being real. If I ever make it to Nashville again, I will look you up. 🙂
Crystal Paine says
I’m so grateful… and I hope it was an encouragement to you!
Dawn says
I think this is what paralyzes me most about blogging. People think that as a mother of ten, and an “older woman”, I should be able to tell women how to make their houses run smoothly, their children behave, and their husbands be happy.
It just isn’t that way!! I am 46 yrs old and still have plenty of struggles of my own. I still have 8 kids at home, so am still in the middle of raising kids myself.
Women ask me all the time to please keep writing, but I feel so hypocritical sometimes.
Thank you for such a helpful post!!
Cristy Tucker says
Crystal….I feel like every time I read a blog post of yours that you are stalking me to write these (ha ha)! I know I can only vouch for myself, but I would put my life savings on saying that you have helped many many others with life’s daily struggles and letting them know it’s okay to have faults. Thank you for always making life seem easier!!
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement!
Kemi Quinn says
I know I’m late to the party by Man! How many times have I said just this…”And there have many many, many days when I’ve seriously considered deleting this blog and maybe buying a one-way ticket to some foreign country.”
This was a LOL! moment for me because I’ve had exactly the same thoughts and my blog is nowhere near as big. In fact my sister and I often repeat these sentiments to each other. She’s not a blogger but an online business owner and many times we’ve talked about hanging it all up.
Thanks for sharing Crystal. We’re not alone and somehow knowing that helps heaps!
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} Thanks so much for kind encouragement! Keep on, keepin’ on!
Shelley says
Hello Crystal
I really like your posts. I have never felt that you were just showing us the good. However I always get a blessing from reading how you are finding a way to overcome obstacles. I have those same perfectionistic,people pleasing traits. So when I see you be proactive and have us join in, it has been very helpful.
Thank you
PS. I am an empty nester but I am able to gain so much insight from your blog and your books.
Crystal Paine says
Aw, thank you so much for your kind encouragement! Your comment really blessed me tonight!
Leanne says
When reading your post, I was reminded of a speaker who talked about what caused the most stress in women and ultimately could lead to depression and “moving” was very high on the list. At the time, we had just moved to another state and I was becoming a total wreck. After hearing this speaker, I finally gave myself grace and with God’s help, was able to become myself again.
You have had many stress factors in your life in just a short time and I feel your pain. You are an incredible woman of God and I appreciate your transparency in sharing with us and encouraging women of all ages. As woman, we all have thoughts of inadequacy from time to time. But I love the way you are able to admit your failures but keep a positive attitude.
Hope Kirkland says
Thank you for being transparent. I loved this post. Your website is so encouraging and uplifting to me. I have learned a lot from the posts.
Jessica says
Crystal just reading this makes me feel like we are so alike. But it is nice to know that you are not the only one who goes through these things. But I do have to say “Thank you so much”, from the bottom of my heart for pouring out what lots of woman go through! I can say this means a lot to many of us. I am so glad that you I found you and that you are a part of my life everyday! 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Aw, I am so grateful that you can relate (well, I mean, I’m not glad you have struggles, but I hope you know what I mean)! And I hope we get to meet in real-life sometime!
Brittany says
I LOVED this post. What a tremendous encouragement and blessing we can be to others as we live out our lives in a genuine & authentic way & share our joys and our struggles. The Lord uses our humility in this to let each other know we aren’t alone.
You are such a gifted writer and your blog is a blessing to so many people. Thank you for what you do!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so very much for your kind encouragement!
Ms. Newb says
Wow, you pretty much described me. I unearthed myself from lurking mode to comment as this really resonated with me and encouraged me to continue blogging, which I have done sporadically, as it magically does help with those traits based in fear.
The public speaking thing. Yikes! I can only imagine it’s easier with much prayer and the knowledge that you wouldn’t be doing it if there wasn’t a divine purpose at work behind the scenes.
Very encouraging and thank you for that.
Crystal Paine says
Yes! Keep blogging! People need to hear what you have to share… and also? It’s amazing how much it changes/grows *us* in the process!
Kim @ Kim Gets Fit says
I think that is such a common thing. I graduated from nursing school last year and I am so proud of all that I have accomplished. However, at least a few days a month I wish I could go back to a less chaotic time of focusing completely on my home and family as a stay home mom. We all have amazing things in our life that challenge us. Thank you for sharing! It makes me feel more normal!!!
Crystal Paine says
Congratulations on graduating from nursing school! What a great accomplishment!
Lindsey Swinborne says
What a beautiful post! I am always in awe of how much you accomplish and so I have wondered too if you were secretly “a machine” of a person that never wears down and never gets tired or has a messy house or a crabby attitude. So, I appreciate you being so vulnerable here, and in your most recent book, which was SO GOOD that I had to buy a copy for all of my friends!
God has used you greatly to bless me and my family. Thank you for taking the time to write and run your business!
Crystal Paine says
“I have wondered too if you were secretly “a machine” of a person that never wears down and never gets tired or has a messy house or a crabby attitude.”
Oh girl! Trust me, I wear down, have a crabby attitude, and have a messy house often!!
There are definitely no “machines” or “Superwomen” — we’re all in this together when it comes to our struggles and our messes!
Elizabeth says
Thanks so much for your candor and honesty! I had one of those bad days yesterday and it’s so refreshing to know not everyone has it all together
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I’m hoping today is a better day for you!
Sarah @ Little Bus on the Prairie says
I think that posts where successful people share their weaknesses and admit that they ARE real people and not machines can be so beneficial. It helps your readers identify with you and think back on days that we’ve had like that and empathize. Good for you for being honest and talking about your struggles!
I’m reminds of a book study that some friends and I were doing of one of Sally Clarkson’s books. Sally is a fantastic writer, but sometimes can come across as absolutely perfect, despite how much she talks about her struggles as a mom and wife and author, etc. It wasn’t until she actually wrote in one of her books specifically that she “yelled” at her kid did it actually seem relate-able. We were all like “oh my gosh, she IS a real person!” And, of course, if she’s a real person who actually YELLS at her kids, but still manages to stay close to the Lord and maintain close relationships with her kids, well then so can I.
I think you can say “Of course I struggle!” or “I’m weak in THIS area” and as true as it might be, sometimes providing a specific example can make the biggest impact to those you’re trying to reach.
Crystal Paine says
Such a great word here — I really appreciate you taking the time to comment!
Maria says
Surprisingly, I like the comments Crystal makes to others more than I do the posts; it seems more interactive and personal. I’ve also liked seeing how you mention that you don’t always meet your goals but find ways to bounce back. Everyone has to do it at some point or another in their lives, so seeing how others handle it means more to me than seeing everything ‘perfect.’ I guess it’s called “character flaws” for a reason!
Crystal Paine says
I think the commentors here are the best part of the blog. I learn so much from all you! Thank you so much for being a reader here!
Charity says
In all honesty Crystal, you are one of those people that nearly everything they touch turns to gold. Think about it. If the majority of your readers started a blog it wouldn’t take of like this one did and be such a huge success, we wouldn’t be signing book deals from it, and traveling all over the country speaking. It just doesn’t happen like that for everyone. You are a very, very blessed woman. You post, ah! Help me navigate this grocery store…I went over budget etc,….but in all honesty it isn’t exactly breaking y’all to spend $20 more than what you would’ve liked to on groceries for a week. Many of your readers couldn’t do that. Period. If that was me I would have to put $20 worth of items back because there is no $20more for me to pay! Many weeks we don’t have $20 to spend on groceries. We have nothing. Now, before you think this is a harsh comment, let me say, it isn’t. Not at all. 🙂 I’m just saying that in reading the small bits about you that readers see hear, it is very, very easy to think that you’re perfect. You do have it much easier than most in many,many areas. BUT, I am a very, very blessed woman as well, just in very different ways than you. God makes us all different. And it is wonderful to see how He uses each of us to encourage one another, although we are so very different. 🙂
Crystal Paine says
How I wish you could have seen the first four years of my blogging and all the flopped ideas I tried. Actually, I’m really happy most people *didn’t* see all of those! However, failure is the best way to learn, isn’t it?
Life is still riddled with many mistakes and struggles (success brings its own set of new challenges — more people who are disappointed in you, more people to criticize your every decision, hard decisions, and much more) but any successes I have are definitely built atop a pile of failure! 🙂
That said, I DO have so much to be grateful for and, as such, I feel weird blogging about my own struggles as I know many, many readers have MUCH, MUCH harder things they are dealing with. So I’m constantly praying for a good balance of being real without being discouraging, if that makes sense. It’s something I’m still trying to figure out…
Anyway, thanks so much for being a reader here; I appreciate you!
Charity says
I think you do an awesome job, and I truly appreciate you and your blog. I hope there was no offense taken at what I wrote as there was certainly none intended. It’d be so much easier to talk in person, ya know? 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Absolutely no offense at all! Thanks for taking time to comment!
Elizabeth Sims says
my friend’s always laugh when they see my blog
…btw phone acting stupid again no shift key…
on facebook where i vent admittedly too much because i don’t do it in person often i sound like negative nelly and everything is going wrong and there is always a big production behind every story and then i get on to do my weekly blog and everything gets simplified and what is going on has already passed and in the end most times it turns out alright.
blogging and real life are very different because when folks blog they generally just hit the highlights and don’t touch on the small failures.
admittedly it always sounds like you have your life so much more together than i do and i used to feel like i had to try to keep up with you and other folks and then i realized that it was impossible because i’m not anyone else and we each have a different hand we have been dealt in life.
thanks for the window into your own imperfections though the reminder we are all human is helpful.
Crystal Paine says
It’s so true that sometimes in the moment it feels so much more overwhelming than it does looking back on it. It’s so good to have safe places where we can vent and be completely honest with people who completely love us, inspite of our imperfections and struggles, and who will go the distance with us!
Sheila Smith says
When it all hits the fan like that – you do popcorn and left overs for supper and take a warm bath. 🙂 You need to take care of you. Did you have a chance to eat? Exercise? Sleep enough? We all get in a go-go-go go mode sometimes and it does catch up with us. I find if I sneak in a half hour nap it adjusts my attitude. As a night shift worker my sleep deprivation catches up with me no matter how hard I try. Maybe if you can figure out a couple of triggers you can avoid it next time. Then again – sometimes real life gets in the way of best intentions. That’s what I love about family ~ they forgive us and love us anyway. It’s also OK to say “No” once in a while. Hang in their girl. It is just a busy season of your life.
Crystal Paine says
Such great advice! Thanks so much for sharing from your experiences… I really appreciate it!
A few days of a really quiet schedule and a few days of good sleep have done wonders for me. And I’m so thankful that the move and back-to-back trips are behind us now! We didn’t mean for them all to happen in the same time period, but that’s just how it ended up happening… and sometimes that’s life, isn’t it?
Tracy says
Crystal thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to hear that other moms struggle too. The beginning of this week I had someone very close to me completely tear me down as a Mom and a person I felt like I was failing as a mother. Seeing that other moms struggle and have bad days too has really helped. Thank you so much for being real and very brave for writing this post.
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I am so very sorry that you had someone tear you down and tell you were failing. That makes me so sad because I can only imagine how much the comments hurt. Please know you are not alone!
Also, this post where I dealt with some similar comments might encourage you: https://moneysavingmom.com/2013/12/make-sure-youre-disappointing-right-people.html
Jennifer says
Looks like I’m not the only reader who was thinking “Wow” when I read this post. Thanks so much for sharing about your realness and for sharing your life with us everyday. I know a lot of us are daily readers and the bits and pieces you share of yourself go a long way to keeping us motivated and inspired to meet our own personal challenges and goals head on. From this side of the screen, with all the wonderful things you share, it can seem like all is well ALL the time. I agree with the reader and would love to hear a weekly “this went wrong or FAIL” post just so we can relate more to you as a person.
Crystal Paine says
Truly, it’s hard for me to know whether it’s appropriate to share my struggles because not only do I want to keep things upbeat here, but I feel like compared to the emails and comments from my readers whose husbands just left them, or whose children have cancer, or who are are trying to pay off a huge medical bills, my struggles just seem so tiny and insignificant even if they are hard for me personally. I have so much to be grateful for and feel like I can never complain, you know what I mean?
But I really am finding the comments on this post from people who feel like I have “everything all together” insightful. Because that tells me I need to do a better job of being real and sharing authentically here… because life is not always all roses and rainbows. 🙂
[email protected] says
Loving the personal posts!! Sorry, had to LOL at speaking before I think. I wouldn’t have guessed you were guilty of that! 🙂 I am more of an introvert and sometimes say things I think are helpful or beneficial to keep the conversation going. Then I walk away thinking, “Why in the world did I just say that?”
Crystal Paine says
Yup, I have perpetual Foot In Mouth Disease. Something I’m constantly working on…! 🙁
Ashley says
I was honestly getting bored with your website. It was GREAT information but I felt like it had lost its personal touch. These last few weeks of you sharing more personal stories and real life situations has made such a big difference. I’m starting to be inspired by you again. Thank you for being brave enough to lay it all out there and let us see the real you again!!
Here’s hoping we both finish this week better than the last!!
Crystal Paine says
Yes, let’s both finish out our weeks well together! Thanks for your kind encouragement!
Allyson @ All Our Days says
Crystal, thank you so much for your transparency and honesty in this post. The online world can be a tricky thing where we typically see everyone else’s best and compare it to our worst.
I’m sorry the past few weeks have been so exhausting for you. I know I definitely struggle with remaining cheerful and diligent when I’m worn out and in a weird way it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I’m so thankful that God isn’t done working on me yet!
I’m praying that we will both lean on him and let his love fill us up to overflowing this week.
Crystal Paine says
Yes! You’re definitely not alone!
“The online world can be a tricky thing where we typically see everyone else’s best and compare it to our worst.” — So true! And something we have to remember not to do!
Gina says
Make sure you add “courage” to the list of qualities you DO have, because it took a lot of courage to post this. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Crystal Paine says
Reading Brene Brown’s books have been a true blessing to me and really challenged me to step out and be more authentic and courageous. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m excited that “putting myself out there” — hard as it might be — is encouraging others to know they aren’t alone.
Thank you for your sweet encouragement!
Summer says
Wow Crystal, thank you for your post and your honesty. (You do kind of seem like Superwoman! 🙂 I was encouraged by your sincerity, and so appreciate your blog. I check it every day!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so very much for reading here every day. I appreciate each of my readers so much!
Abra says
I appreciate you writing this! I think it must be hard to blog because you must generally paint the positive side of things. I have learned so much from you and do feel you are the most “real” of all the bloggers I follow. You really have to put yourself out there, which has to be hard. Hope your week keeps looking up! We recently moved across states and it has been hard. It definitely is not easy. Keep up the good work, Crystal!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. I want to be real while also being positive and upbeat… and sometimes it’s hard to know what the balance should be there.
I hope that your adjustment to moving is going alright and that this move was a good one for your family.
Emily says
Wow. I appreciate everything you put out there, but I am especially grateful for your honesty. I needed to read this today. Thank you. You are awesome!!
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I’ve had some great friends encouraging me to be more brave and open in my posts and while it’s taken a lot of courage to hit publish, I am grateful to know that these very authentic posts are encouraging people!
Sonja says
LOVE this post! Thank you!
Crystal Paine says
You are so very welcome!
[email protected] says
Oh my goodness, Crystal. First of all, I am so sorry you had such a tough week. I can completely identify!
Second, thank you, thank you, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. It is encouraging to hear that you struggle with the same things I think many of us do, and yet manage to be a success just the same. I love your heart to inspire AND be real.
I am so glad you picked this topic to write about (nice suggestion Jenna)!
Crystal Paine says
I think it’s easy to forget those people who write a book, have a blog, or stand on a stage also struggle with real-life issues and normal messes just like everyone else. I’ve realized this more and more as I’ve met authors and speakers and bloggers in the past few years… no one has it altogether and everyone has hard things and issues and struggles. So be encouraged: you are so not alone in your struggles! 🙂
Joy says
This might be my favorite post ever. Love your honesty, your growth and your ‘free to be you’ self. #boomdone
Crystal Paine says
Thanks for loving me and being my friend… you’ve seen me at my worst and you still love me. So I’m pretty sure that makes us lifelong friends. 🙂 #boomdone
Monica says
Thank you for being so honest. Thank you for sharing that you are HUMAN and also have bad days too, just like everyone else. You Rock Crystal!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
KS says
I love how true you are – you are awesome!:-) and inspiring!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your kind encouragement, KS!
Johanna says
Crystal,
I am so glad you wrote and posted this. I think it can be a struggle to break free from people-pleasing and fear of other’s opinions, but through Christ we can overcome it!!! I know I am still struggling with those 2 specifically. Thank goodness for His love and grace! Thank you for being open, vulnerable and authentic! It is refreshing and I pray you feel the Lord pour out his love on you as your pour out to all of us!
Blessings!
Johanna 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so very much for your kind encouragement! You’re a blessing!