I had the opportunity to sit in on two of Heidi St. John’s sessions at the Teach Them Diligently conference this past weekend. And while I gleaned a lot of different things from both of them, one phrase she said in the time management session has etched itself forever in my memory:
“You don’t have a time management problem. You have a ME management problem.”
Gulp.
How often I want to blame being behind and disorganized on the lack of time, the overloaded schedule, or the alarm clock that failed to go off? I’ve got a dozen excuses, but very rarely do any of them involve ME.
A bad system is not the problem.
An unreliable clock is not the problem.
A too-full schedule is not the problem.
I am the problem.
That’s bad news, but it’s also good news. You know why? Because if I’m the problem that means I’m also the solution.
Fixing my time management issues doesn’t start with a new system, a better clock, or a less-full schedule. It starts with me.
Once I own that I am the problem, I can then begin implementing a solution.
For more helpful time management tips and suggestions, check out my Time Management 101 series and my ebook, 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life.
Angie Y says
I’ve had to come to this realization too. I’ve found that I just have to make time to do the things that I want to do but always have an excuse for why I can’t do it.
Chelsea says
I have been struggling a lot with time management lately. I made a list of where my time was going, and now I understand why. Let’s just say I definitely have a “me” problem right now. 🙂
Billie says
So how much did you love her ??? I’ve Listen to her talk about a dozen times on audio. I feel convicted every time! She is spot on. My own worst time bandit is me. :/
Crystal says
I so enjoyed getting to hear her talk — especially after you’d sung her praises.
By the way, it was SO good to see you at CHAP. Love you, friend!
Jessica says
I have thought of this before, but not so eloquently. I was reading about time management recently and the thought occurred to me that I know what I need to do, but I just need to get up and do it. It is helpful to learn more about time management, but in the end I just need to get busy!
Susan says
I think this message is awfully harsh. Yes of course there are always things we can do to manage our time more efficiently, but to say “I am the problem” can inflict an awful lot of pressure and guilt on ourselves.
My perspective is that of a single working mother. I look at at everything on my plate at work, and I can honestly say that I do not have control over my time. “Project X didn’t get done because project Y came along and took priority.” It serves no useful purpose to blame myself for things that are truly out of my control. I coach my team in the same way. I don’t want them blaming themselves and feeling bad about what didn’t get done, or what went wrong, without focusing on other things that we did accomplish successfully.
The same concept applies to managing my household.
beth says
I think it’s all about balance. Crystal also posts a lot of messages on giving ourselves grace, ways she’s “messed up”….I was thinking the same thing you were until I recalled all of those posts of hers. 🙂 In fact, she just posted about how she overslept and had to book another flight for $500! I don’t think she’s judging anyone or saying we’re always the problem and I don’t think she’s trying to say that anyone’s circumstances aren’t difficult….just that we all have priorities with how we spend our time. If your priority is A, and B comes along and takes over (like your example), then just rest in the knowledge of the fact that you dealt with B because you had to and NOT because you weren’t managing your time poorly (which sometimes we all do!) You should feel peace knowing you didn’t have control over that and you did your best for your family. 🙂 There are always situations like that and I don’t think she’s saying that we can control everything. I understand what you’re saying, though….because I struggle with this, too. I am sorry that you have so much to deal with on your own and I hope that you are able to find time to do some things that you enjoy, too. 🙂 That would be stressful!
Linda says
Hi Susan,
I think every one of Crystal’s post has a message and it either applies to you or not. It sounds like you are doing the best you can at this season in your life, and should give yourself grace.
I cannot even begin to imagine how crazy your schedule must be, being a single mom. I’m single with no children, and can hardly get myself out the door sometimes! Kudos to you for doing so much!
Crystal says
Agreed. Give yourself grace, Susan. If something I write here doesn’t work for you, just freely skip it. You have a LOT on your plate and it sounds like you’re doing the best you can to manage it well.
{hugs!}
Mary says
This applies to money management, as well. It’s oh-s0-easy to declare that if there was more money all the money stress would disappear. But in truth, as long as *I* manage it poorly, the stress will remain!
Thank you for this encouragement today!
Michelle says
This is definitely an area I struggle with as well! I just keep thinking “if only we had more money…” When the reality is if I managed the money better we would not keep getting into financial distress. I have gotten better in this area but I know that I could do a whole lot better and I just have to do it! The solution is me!
Lora C says
I realized this in my life and have been working on it. The 21 Day Simplify Your Life Challenge that you posted is helping me. I am really glad that I signed up for it. It’s probably the best $2 that I ever spent. Your goal setting materials are helping me too. As you said, if I am the problem then I am the solution so I am working towards the solution.
Crystal says
I’m so grateful you found it helpful!
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
Yeah – (insert stabs in the heart here). I’ve been thinking about this lately in relation to nutrition and fitness. If I don’t like what I see in the mirror, it’s not because I have a weight loss problem. It’s because I’ve been making bad choices. Ugh. Awakenings can be rough sometimes. 🙁
Michele says
I am have mixed feelings about this statement. Some people are prone to really beat themselves up and probably need to be more graceful with themselves. For me, I find things go better when I continually seek God and ask Him to help me make good choices with my time, which includes some measure for rest. When I am not doing this is when I really, really struggle.
melissa says
I agree, Michele. While this is challenging and is convicting for me (I can definitely balance time better and I need to do this at times!), I already wrap myself up in guilt, beat myself up continually for not doing enough of X,Y,Z, etc….not getting everything done, etc. Not looking like my supermodel neighbor who also has three kids (even though I do work out often!). I need to sometimes give myself grace and find my worth in God and not what I can get accomplished in a day. I have difficulty with control issues sometimes, so being able to cross everything off of my list sometimes takes priority to stepping back, enjoying my children, and realizing that I don’t have to always get everything done….and give myself some grace and extra time with my husband instead of working out for the perfect body. I guess it’s all your motivations, too. 🙂 Right now, in fact, I’m really stressing and struggling with guilt….even about the fact that I logged on to briefly check this website instead of exercising! I don’t even know how to relax anymore. My husband sent me on an overnight trip to a hotel to try to get to me to have some time off (we’ve had a ton of stressors in our life lately and I stay at home with three kids under four right now so it’s hard to get everything done some days). I found I didn’t even know how to relax or enjoy the time!! I wasn’t being productive! It’s such a balance for me sometimes. I really liked this post and found it useful….is there a post that you recall dealing with the balance of work/grace/etc.? I know you’ve posted them in the past, Crystal, one of the reasons I love your website is your eternal perspective! 🙂
Crystal says
I absolutely agree that we need to have a balance and give ourselves grace, too! As I say often, guilt is not from God.
I know I have a tendency to try to blame other things instead of taking personal responsibility for things that, when I get to the bottom of it, are truly my own problem — not someone else’s problem. So that’s what this post was about. 🙂
It’s easy to point fingers and play the blame game. Taking personal responsibility is a lot harder, but it’s usually much more productive.
Often taking personal responsibility and managing your life well means saying no, stepping back, taking time to refresh and nurture yourself. And I know for Type A people like you and I, that is hard to do. But it’s oh so good!
I’ll pray that you’re able to find some peace, quiet, and breathing room in your life. Have you considered possibly hiring a mother’s helper for a few hours every week or every other week? That was a huge help to me when I only had littles.
Kim M says
wow.. this is a hit straight in the gut, but definitely what I needed right now! I’ve managed my time so poorly for the last almost-5 yrs (since my son was born) that it’s come close to termination at my job due to attendance. I just can’t ever seem to get up in time to get me, my son and my daughter ready for the day and out the door on time! Now that my job has an upcoming attendance policy change that will be a whole lot stricter, I need to manage us better. The only one who can do that is me.
Jo Lynn says
I completely agree with this! I used to blame my time management problems on circumstances I have no control over (have a medically complex special needs son) and those circumstances do really take a lot of my time and there’s absolutley nothing I can do about that. BUT I am in complete control of how I spend my extra time…such as having ten minutes here or there, choosing to either spend them emptying the dishwasher or purusing Facebook. Definitely the dishwasher is the better option for keeping our house running smooth. I find the more I make the better choices with my increments of time, the better the real free time I have is. (I’m definitley a work in progress with this).
Kimberly says
This makes a lot of sense to me. This week I decided it was time for me to start waking up early to try and get a head start on the day before my little guys wake up. When that alarm goes off, I just need to get up. That’s all. My solution is just getting out of bed! I’ve struggled with this for a long time, and what it boils down to is either getting out of bed or not. So simple. This was a good reminder. Thanks!
Shauna says
It sounds so simple but is so hard to do. I also think every morning “If only I had gotten up early this morning.”
Kristen @ Joyfullythriving says
Gulp indeed. This gives me a lot to ponder. I like what you said about “If I am the problem, then I am also the solution.” Hmmm. What does this mean for me, now? Lots to think about indeed. Thanks, Crystal!
Amy Clark Scheren says
So good! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been struggling with keeping up, but maybe that’s not my real problem. My real problem is managing my own selfish desires. This will be on my mind for awhile!
Melissa VD says
This resonates deeply with me. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to cut things from our schedule because we’re too busy, or try to re-organize our system to try to eliminate stress and anxiety. But….the problem isn’t any of that (most of the time). It’s me. I’m owning it. And like you said, the good news….I can fix it. Well actually, its better than me trying to fix me. My Heavenly Father is here to help me too. All I have to do is seek and ask. Thanks for this Crystal!
bethany says
Amen!
Lori@Mothering Matters says
Gulp!
Ouch!
I’m sorry I’ve been blaming you “time”.
Cheryl Bouschor says
Yep, me too! I definitely have a ME problem!
Cammie says
I agree with this at least for myself. My selfish instinct for most things that don’t go well, is to blame someone else. Fortunately, I have gotten to the place that I start this conversation in my head but I stop it quickly, at least most of the time 🙂 This comes from someone that has to work very hard at not being late even when ample time is available. Yes, I am the problem and I am a work in progress.
Jennifer says
Gulp is right! Definitely hits home for me. I like to think of myself as being very productive (who likes to think of themselves as lazy, right?) But yes, I am always looking to blame what doesn’t get done on forces “beyond my control”. Hmm. Maybe this poignant thought will help me move forward instead of using the same old excuses. Thanks for that! 🙂