I just finished reading a pre-release copy of Alli Worthington’s Breaking Busy book that comes out in January 2016. I’ve loved this book! It’s chock-full of all kinds of helpful advice, tips, and inspiration on living life more slowly with purpose.
One of the quotes that jumped out at me was this:
“Our lives have gotten so cluttered with things we think we should do, that we can’t figure out what we were meant to do. Let your life be about what you were meant to do, not full of what you think you should do. This starts with your daily decisions about how you spend your time.”
Alli then goes on to encourage you to create a Stop Doing List — a list of items you intentionally decide to not do so that you can focus your time and energy on your greatest priorities.
She says the best way to identify what you need to stop doing is by asking yourself these two questions:
- What is sucking the life right out of me?
- Does this activity get me closer to reaching my goals?
As someone who loves to-do lists and goals, I thought this was a really great way to create a “stop doing” list. I have found so much liberation in doing just a few things well, and I have really been working on streamlining and delegating tasks in my life to allow more free space for myself.
Three strategies that have been helping me to carve out more free space in my day and live are:
1. Waiting to check email until after 12:30 p.m.
This has made a massive difference in my life. I thought I had to be on top of email, but I realized that this was my own personal obligation, and that I can choose when I check my email.
It has been liberating to have an email-free morning without distractions.
2. Thinking three to four times before saying yes.
This is something I’ve really, really been working on. I’ve always been a “yes” girl. I want to help everyone in every way with everything. And that’s a surefire recipe for exhaustion!
Lately, I’ve made it a goal to really think about whether or not I truly have the time to commit to something. Instead of just instantly trying to figure out a way to make something happen, I instead think about the sacrifices it will require, the other responsibilities that may fall by the wayside as a result, and whether there is room on my calendar.
As an Introvert, I’ve realized I have a lot less capacity than an Extrovert might have. I can’t just go-go-go-go. Or flit from activity to activity to activity without time to breathe and rest and refuel in between. I’m trying to do a better job of reminding myself of this, as well.
This past Saturday, I asked my friend if we could push our regular coffee date back two hours and meet at 10 a.m. instead of 8 a.m. since I knew I’d be exhausted from my book launch and traveling. Giving myself grace to sleep in and have a leisurely Saturday morning before our coffee date made the day go so much better… and I wouldn’t have thought to ask about this had I not taken a few minutes to think before saying “yes” when she texted to ask if we could meet on Saturday.
3. Asking My Husband Before Making a Commitment
My husband knows me better than anyone else in the world, and I’ve found that he has such great wisdom when it comes to helping me determine what to say yes to and what to say no to. Sometimes, I’ll totally convince myself that I have the time and energy to do something, but then when I ask him, he’ll help me think more realistically about the situation.
For instance, I was asked to go out to dinner with some dear friends who were in town on Sunday night. I wanted to say yes, but we already had our community group that night and the dinner was going to be quite a ways away from our house.
As much as I would have loved to say yes to a fun dinner out with friends, my husband helped me realize I needed a quiet evening at home after a big week. As I considered things more, I knew he was right. And a quiet Sunday evening ended up being exactly what I needed!
What’s on YOUR Stop Doing List? Or what do you need to put on your Stop Doing List?
Oh ,wow! I like when you shared about being an introvert and needing to rest and refuel before the next activity. I can identify so much with that and have struggled with the fact that I can’t go, go, go! In the past I have felt guilty about that. I am learning that I do better to stop and think about what to be involved in, and its not very much right now because I have 7 kids and I want to be able to take care of them and go to their activities!
So, now the question for me is, what do you do when you’ve said “yes” and it’s for a good cause? When there is a commitment and a high purpose but, it’s still draining?!!!
I just want to say, that any book you have recommended, I have either checked out at the library–or bought. I’m excited for this upcoming book, as I have been extremely overwhelmed lately with the season of life I am currently in. I am also an introvert, which makes it hard to be on the go. I need to carve out special time for myself so I can recharge my batteries and as of late, that is hard to do. When I do not do this, I become like a shaken soda bottle and when the cap comes off, I explode. ugh. I think it is nice that you ask your husband first before making any commitments. I am the same way and I wish my husband would ask me! lol
As a lifelong list lover, I think this sounds like a great solution to the overwhelm. My husband is a firefighter who works 24 hour shifts and on the nights he is away I have a “stop doing ” time. I find if I’m not careful I work for hours after my littles are in bed and never take the time to relax. I’m going to try the stop doing list!
I love this. I, too, am an introvert, and I’ve just recently come to terms with exactly what that means. I watch my friends keep very busy social calendars for themselves and their families. I’ll often times feel like I’m failing by not keeping my involvement up. However, the reality is that I would feel totally overwhelmed and quit if my calendar looked like theirs.
I completely agree and relate to what you are saying. It is good to hear that others need their quiet time, too.
I love this idea of a Stop Doing list. I’m a single mom with several graduated and several young ones still at home. I keep trying to do things like we did when there was both mom and dad. Clearly, I can’t keep that up but I haven’t fully shifted into a new rhythm. I think a Stop Doing list is part of my solution to finding a new balance. Thank you for this! {And I am loving your 5-day course. Excellent work and such sound advice.}
Aw, thank you SO much for your sweet words of encouragement!!
I LOVE that you ask your husband before making a commitment! I have so many friends that think I’m crazy for doing that same thing. Like you, I tend to say yes and try to fit it all in after. My husband is great at helping me look at the bigger picture. And even when I’m certain I have really thought something through he always helps me see another angle. I will definitely be purchasing this book!
I took that personality test that you suggested over at 16 personalities. Apparently, I am a ESFJ, which is not all that surprising to me. I’m totally extroverted and what that means for me is that I have to make time to be with people. Otherwise, I will feel completely dead. It is hard to make time for friends and community when I’m doing 100 things in a day. My stop doing list definitely means, “stop cleaning the house as much”, “stop cooking intricate meals”, “stop trying to volunteer for everything”. It is hard to say no to things, but you have to say no so you can say yes to other things.
I recently began working part-time and found that I had to immediately implement these ‘stop doing’ items:
1. Stop doing nearly all the housework and feeling like a martyr. Instead, I initiated a ‘love our house’ 20-30 minute (currently working up to 30 minutes!) timed session in which everyone in the family quickly cleans what they find needs to be cleaned after dinner (with suggestions if they are stumped!)
2. Stop feeling like I have to chase every deal. My time working and my balance in life are worth more than the few dollars I save by following my weekly coupon match-up errands to the tee each week. I’ll just do what I can!
What a great and purposeful idea. I have to admit that sometimes the social media is taking too much time and doesn’t allow me to focus on things that are important. I know for sure I need to cut back in that. I’m looking froward to the book!
Thanks so much for your kind encouragement! And YES, social media can be such a time-sucker!
Through the years, I have really learned my own limits and i have learned to create boundaries (The book Boundaries happens to be one of my favorites!), I say yes when I can, I willingly say no when I can’t. SORT OF. I have the HARDEST time saying no when I know that the only thing keeping me from saying YES is the need some downtime (I’m an introvert, and i have two very short windows of sweet, wonderful, kid-free, ALONE time during the week.). However, in spite of how adept I am at saying no when I have a “legitimate” excuse, it’s really tough to say no when I don’t have anything else on my schedule. I talk myself out of protecting that downtime. I KNOW how much I need it, but it’s very easy to let it go in order to help someone out. How do you say no, when your ONLY reason for saying no is to be alone. It’s so necessary…but when people ask WHY, it does not seem like a valid reason at all…
One thing that has helped me is to literally make an appointment with myself to have downtime.
All of these are great points. I love the idea of making a “stop doing” list. I could see modifying this to be a monthly “stop doing” tasks list, and then you could have some great habits built up by the end of the year.
I was just reading about opportunity costs, something I had forgotten about since my freshman year of college, but it really got me thinking. If you’re saying yes to everything, you’re going to end up missing out on something that really matters, or you’ll end up getting so burnt out that nothing really matters anyway. I’m all for trying new things, but if they’re not aligned with your long-term goals, what was the point? By creating a “stop doing” list, you can really focus on the things that matter. If something doesn’t fit in with your long-term goals, add it to the stop doing list and don’t look back.
I love this idea!
“I could see modifying this to be a monthly “stop doing” tasks list, and then you could have some great habits built up by the end of the year.”
What a great idea!
Such a great idea. I am totally doing this. I am always complaining to my husband how overwhelmed I am with my to do list. Etc. If we are not careful we can really weigh ourselves down to the point of overload. It’s hard to say no when someone asks you to volunteer, but we owe it to ourselves to reserve the right to say no.
“If we are not careful we can really weigh ourselves down to the point of overload.”
Yes, so true!
I love this advice…especially asking my husband before I agree to do things. I tend to rush in, and he is much more measured in his response to requests and activities. He is definitely my balance.
Your husband sounds a lot like my husband!
Ooh! I will definitely get this book as soon as it’s out! 🙂 I have create this type of list for a few of days here an there (put it on my daily ticker on a computer), but not a long-term list on my wall. Even that was helpful, so love the thought of something more long-term, taped to the wall! 🙂
Regarding saying “yes” to too many people, I have definitely improved in that area. But I’m realizing that’s not a cure-all! 🙂 Sometimes it’s me who I have to say “no” to, and all the ideas swirling around in my head.
I recently took a test to see if I had ADHD, and realized I do, although I did fine in school. I think my brain has had some rewiring overall (life trauma + neurological reaction to some antibiotics), but many of these traits existed throughout my life.
Beyond that, I think it’s particularly hard in the age of “all the information” and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). So in learning to understand myself and how I operate better, knowing this about myself has helped me better be able to focus (along with knowing I’m an introvert! :)).
I’ve also read several articles about Entrepreneurial ADHD. For some of us, the struggle is choosing which venture of many to pursue. (Here are a couple of articles for anyone interested in Entrepreneurial ADHD: http://www.jonathanfields.com/do-yo-have-entrepreneurial-add/ and
http://www.forbes.com/sites/dalearcher/2014/05/14/adhd-the-entrepreneurs-superpower/). The trick is first identifying, then harnessing this knowledge about ourselves for good!
Sometimes it’s me who I have to say “no” to, and all the ideas swirling around in my head. –> So good to remember and be aware of!