Ever have weeks when you feel like you’re failing at everything? Here’s hope and practical help!
This past week felt like one fail after another.
I had some pressing deadlines, we’re in the midst of some fairly big business decisions, some things I poured a lot of effort into sort of just fell flat, our child who is usually obedient and cheerful was the exact opposite this week, and, ahem, there’s this thing called PMS rearing it’s ugly head.
So it was kind of the perfect storm this week. And I got sucked right into the vortex and let it bring me down.
I yelled at my kids (I know, I know — I need to read and heed my own advice there), I was irritated at my husband, I was short with some of my team members, and I did a lot of personal beating up of myself.
In fact, one child brought me this oil and kindly suggested I try rubbing some of it on, as they said, “You could really use it.”
I think that was code for, “We’d really like a peaceful and calm mom instead of the grumpy, frustrated mom who has been hanging out at our house a lot this week.”
As I thought back over last week and what I could learn from it, here are six things I’m working on implementing into my life to help me pull out of the “failure slump” and begin this next week with fresh resolve:
1. Ask Forgiveness
I am not and can not be a perfect mother. I will mess up and fail.
When that happens, I have a choice: I can beat myself up over my short-comings and sulk in shame over my inadequacies or I can ask forgiveness of my family and the Lord and ask God for His grace and enabling to have a quiet and loving spirit toward those closest to me.
These opportunities to humble myself and ask forgiveness can be powerful examples to my children — and something I hope they remember when they make mistakes and mess up.
2. Remember Your Blessings
It’s easy to get bogged down and overwhelmed by everything going on around us. Life is full of hard things, tough decisions, and difficult people.
Last week, I let outside stress impact my inner peace. Instead of choosing to focus on all of the amazing blessings in my life, I let a compilation of a lot of small things press in and frustrate me.
As I often say, “You can’t always change your circumstances, but you can always choose your attitude.” This coming week, I want to remind myself often to pay attention to the many blessings in my life and live my days in gratefulness for those.
3. Get Some Fresh Perspective
Sometimes, you just need some fresh perspective on life. Whether that’s doing something to serve someone else, getting out of the house, doing something you’ve never done before, or taking a break from a project or situation that is causing you to feel anxious.
This weekend, I chose to “check out” of a lot of business stuff and move some self-imposed deadlines to later and instead spend a lot of extra time hanging out with my family, serving at church, spending time with friends, grocery shopping, and just soaking up some breathing room. It’s amazing what this little “vacation from the obligations” did for my soul.
4. Sleep!
I’ve become such a firm believer in getting enough sleep. It makes such a difference in just about every area of our lives.
If you’re feeling uptight or stressed or want to pull your hair out over a hard thing in your life, stop and do a sleep check. Have you been getting adequate sleep most nights this week? If not, do all you can to make it a priority over the next few days — even if it means you have to let some other things in your life slide.
When you are operating on a “full tank of sleep”, you are much more apt to feel calm and peaceful and cheerful — even in the middle of a lot of stressful situations. Sleep is something I’m going to make a high priority this week and I’m guessing that doing so will make a big difference for me.
5. Be Honest About Your Struggles
Don’t try to pretend that you have it all together. When someone asks you how you are, if you’re not doing so well, be honest.
Let them know that it’s been a hard week, that you’re struggling with something, or that you’re feeling discouraged over something. Don’t carry all the weight of these burdens on your shoulders and then just answer “fine” or “good” when someone asks you how you’re doing. Authenticity and vulnerability breeds some of the deepest, most beautiful relationships.
When I posted about my mom fails on Instagram on Friday, I was amazed at how many moms were feeling the same way and how me just being open about it gave them a safe place to share their own struggles, too.
6. Remember That You’re Not Alone
No matter what you’re going through, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not the only one who is struggling or feeling like a failure.
You’re not the only one who has yelled at your kids this week, gotten somewhere incredibly late, looked in the mirror and felt discouraged by what you saw looking back at you, had an argument with your husband, wanted to just go disappear for a few hours and find this thing called peace and quiet, felt out of place, received devastating news… or whatever else it was that happened to you this week.
You aren’t alone. And that’s one reason I love this community here — and the overflow on Facebook and Instagram. It gives us a place to be honest and to share our heartaches and hurts and to hear that others are dealing with some of the same things, too.
Are you struggling right now, too? Tell us about it in the comments. We’re here for you and we’d love to listen, encourage, and pray for you.
And if you’re not struggling right now, maybe you could take a moment to share some words of encouragement in the comments for those here who are struggling? There’s no such thing as too much encouragement!
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This 14-day online course includes videos, a workbook, and step-by-step projects and is designed to help you maximize your evenings in order to experience more success in your life, more order in your home, and more joy in your soul.
It’s time to stop sleep-walking through life and wake up to the amazing excitement and fulfillment that comes when you follow my simple plan to Make Over Your Evenings.
Thank you for this post! I googled “mom failure” this week and came across it. Some of the comments were just as encouraging and valuable as your actual post. I knew in my head the truth but sometimes you just need to hear it from others and know that there are others going through the same thing.
This is how I have felt all week. After reading your story. I realize that I scheduled myself to many things for the week. My PMS has reared it’s ugly head this week with me. I am a caregiver for my mother in law. There are days that I just want to run away, but can’t. My husband depends on me to help with her. I know they say that God only gives you what you can handle. God must really be testing me this week or Satan is trying to put his two cents in too. I can really relate to what you wrote. I like reading your post you inspire me to improve myself and makes me feel that I am not only one with these feelings.
Needed to read this this week. It’s currently school holidays in Australia, my son got himself grounded within 3 days of the holidays starting and my 3 yr old dd is a horror film waiting to happen (born on friday 13th and goes around saying she likes hurting people so it’s not exactly an exaggeration!)
Thanks for the encouragement, sorry that you are struggling too. I never can seem to get it together, and I do not even have an outside job, just my 3 kids and the house to keep together. House cleaning has never been a strong point for me. Doesn’t really seem worth trying sometimes. Then this week my husband of 17 years, together a total of 24 years, said he doesn’t love me anymore. our marriage has certainly seen it’s share of struggles, with many issues which I will not bore everyone with all the details, but I still love him, why does he not love me? I then realized that I do not have 1 friend to talk to or cry to. So I am posting on your comments. I could really use a few kind words right now. Even if there are no kind words at least I vented and told someone. If anyone has any helpful hints as to how to make a failing marriage work I could use some advice.
I am so sorry you are going through this I know it is a very hard thing. My 2nd husband married me in the LDS temple and decided after 9 months he no longer wanted to be married and wanted my daughter and myself out of his house. My daughter had to start 3 different middle schools within a month period. I don’t know who I can trust anymore and feel so alone in the world. I’m so sorry I know my marriage doesn’t compare to how long you were married and I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. My prayers are with you. We saw a counselor and she suggested the love dare books based on the movie fireproof if you are both willing to try I purchased them and they came the day he kicked us out he didn’t even want to read them and try. Maybe it will work for you? I know your post is from August I just saw that I hope it worked out for you!
Thank you for this article! I too came off of a tough week. I had been counting the hours until the weekend. While I don’t have children I do have a husband. One of my biggest challenges is to stay positive for him while trying to deal with my own frustrations. We are newlyweds, I am six months into a new job, and my husband is trying to build a new business. We’ve also been house hunting. I beat up on myself a lot and it’s easy to forget that I don’t have to be perfect. I just need to be myself.
Thank you for this post. I’m so stressed out by all the tasks I need to do! I’m blessed to have an amazing hubby, but rarely see him since he’s working and going to school full time. Our children are great, but you know kids…they know when to push and don’t always help out.
I feel frustrated that my home isn’t picture perfect anymore…I really just need Mary Poppins to come help me out for a week, even a day would be more than welcomed!!!❤❤ 😉
This popped up in my fb feed today. Boy has it hit home. Thanks for the encouragement and reminder that we all go through rough times.
I REALLY needed this!! We are personally going through so many struggles as a family right now. I think the icing on the cake was when the hot water heater went out on us a couple of weeks ago. We are making do by heating up water in the electric skillet and using a solar camp shower but we want to get it replaced soon. Anyone know any places to get a good deal. I have checked on craigslist, but they seem to sell really fast.
I have been feeling off this week too. I have been struggling with the things you talked about in your post. Thank you for the encouragement and the help to know that I am not alone.
I really needed to read this. Thank you! It’s been one of those weeks in our household too.
I’ve had a super rough week (make it 3) too! I know I’ve commented on a previous post about this, and I totally and completely understand that you can’t respond to every comment, but do you know when the gratitude journal will be back in stock at your store? I’ve been checking for awhile now, thinking this would be very useful to me at this point in my life, but it shows out of stock. Thanks!
I’m so sorry that I missed your first comment! I try to read all the comments here and respond to as many as I can, but sometimes things slip by on a really full day! At any rate, we have them back in stock, but we’re in the process of switching over to a much better shopping cart system so we haven’t reloaded them to our store while we’re in the middle of that.
They are available on Amazon now, but I’d love to send you a copy as a gift since you’ve been waiting so patiently and had a rough week. Can you email me your mailing address? Send it to crystal @ moneysavingmom.com and remind me that I wanted to send you a Gratitude Journal. 🙂
Here’s to hoping for a much better week the rest of the week!
I’m not a mom yet, but I babysit an almost 7 month old boy, and have been watching an 8 year old girl for 2 out of 3 days total this week.
I love these guys, but when they go home, I am left alone, wanting for my own children. I have been married nearly 4 years now with no sign of even being able to have children… I want to leave it all up to God how many I have, but to have none at all would be devastating.
My heart just kinda breaks when they leave, because they’re not mine… I know 24 seems like the age where “Oh, you’ve got plenty of time to have a baby,” but I want a large family, and I want to be able to rub around with children and not look like a grandmother to my own child.
Babysitting, however hard it can be emotionally, has really helped me to have confidence in myself and my abilities to be a mother. 4 years is a long wait for a family to feel more complete than it already was to begin with.
“Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we wanted them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.” Joseph F. Smith
Know that God is mindful of you and will grant your righteous petition in His time. I too have waited a long time for something I really wanted. Through it all, God has blessed me and my family despite not having exactly what I wanted at the time. Sending prayers your way :).
Thank you for your encouragement, Shauna. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone understand how I feel. Someone outside of the situation who can have a different and open perspective. I love my hubby, but we’re both wearied by our hopes and dreams seemingly not coming to fruition.
Don’t give up, Kayla! My hubby and I have waited 12 years for our prayers to be answered. I don’t know the reason for the wait, but if nothing else it puts me in a position to empathize with others that have had to wait too. I’m a firm believer that those who live their life well will be blessed — the hard part is God’s timing. But in the end, God’s timing is always for our good.
“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come ’til heaven, but to all those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ (Jesus Christ’s teachings), they come.” Jeffrey R. Holland
I’ve no idea of your personal situation, but I’m going to just throw this out there… My friends tried to get pregnant for several years (5?) to no avail. Her cycle was crazy irregular/infrequent. At some point, she was given a book put out by the Catholic Church on natural contraception (how to really know if you’re ovulating) and she had FIVE sons now. I realize this isn’t the answer for everyone, but if it could help…
I’ll have to go confirm, but I think this is the new edition.
http://www.nfpandmore.org/nfphowto.shtml
Crystal, thank you. I needed this. 1,000 gifts by Anne Voscamp and Soul Care are evident in your post. My soul need the transparency of your soul today. Blessings on you and your family.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed or feeling like a failure (and we all feel this way sometimes — you’re not alone), I find one of the best ways for me to regain perspective and to get back in touch with my own heart and self is to go for a walk by myself. I wrote about it here: http://everydaymindfulliving.com/taking-a-walk-alone/
The struggle is real over here too! We (husband, myself, and toddler) have all been sick for the past two weeks with either respiratory infections or stomach viruses and we are definitely not making it all work! I feel bad for my toddler who has not gotten my best attention (and has had too much attention from Curious George), but I was finding it so hard to even function with the stomach bug. Of course my house is a mess and laundry is piling up too. Hoping to dig out of this hole soon!
Thank you for being honest. Based on the comments above, we can all relate. I definitely feel you on the PMS. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s a definite, felt drop in the happy hormone! Our internet is sketchy and I actually yelled at our computer. Mature. I have people I love that are struggling, and I hate it. I have to fight not to let it overwhelm me. My sweet friends help me with the couple hours of childcare I need, but one morning it fell through last week and I brought my son to work with me. This did not please my supervisor and I cried. In front of my students. Little one saw my tears and goes, “Mama, do you still like me?” as if it was his fault. And I cried more. And, yes to yelling at kids who are just being kids. Grateful for those new mercies every morning! Don’t know what I’d do without His grace.
Our house was robbed Sunday night while we were home asleep with 2 babies and it was because of our stupidity that the intruder could get in. I went to bed early with the baby but my husband didn’t shut the garage door or lock the door into our house from the garage. My purse was taken along with my cash envelopes and coupons. So, we lost about $200 plus $50 in fees to get new license, checks and place security freezes on my credit reports. We recently switched to cash and were saving up for my husband to get some good quality shoes. Now we have to start all over again. I wonder what the thief was thinking when he/she was taking the money out of our pre-filled tithe envelopes and our envelope labeled “Clothing”. And my daughter’s cute little wallet with her commission money in it. I feel like we are failing too. You are definitely not alone, Crystal.
Feeling a failure at everything for quite a while. Lots of health problems, despite my best efforts at healthy food and exercise, heading into menopause, feeling very discouraged by everything. Thank you for your posts it does help to know that there are other moms out there feeling discouraged. Blessings
Everyday almost I feel like a failure as a Mommy. We’ll just leave it at that. I do appreciate your posts letting us know that sometimes you yell too, etc. Please pray for me. thx
I am struggling today worrying about hubby’s job stability. We just moved a couple of months ago right after he started this new job, and I’m worried that things are not going as well as they could. Any advice is welcome.
Oh, this was such an encouraging post, Crystal! I can very much relate, and you know, I’m pretty sure Allison convinced me to get some of that Peace and Calming and I’ve got some stowed away in the cupboard. Could use some of that right about now. 🙂
Funny enough, I ranted just last night about being tired and lonely on FB… And amazingly, my friends responded as I’d hoped with lots of love and encouragement. I’m recently separated and working 2 jobs to pay the rent and feed my 3 children, ages 10, 7 & 6. I sleep very little at night, staying up late to finish the laundry, the dishes, catch up on notes from school, etc. I sometimes forget that I am lucky to have a home, 3 beautiful children, and 2 jobs to support myself. For the past few years, I have made it a point to become a positive person – see the glass as half full, and remind myself and others that tomorrow is always a new day.
So thank you for reminding me it’s ok to feel like a failure once in a while, and teaching me new ways to pick myself up!
My five year old tried to give me a shoulder rub this evening. That was his subtle hint that I needed to chill! After a very rough day at work, I brought the stress home and had just about zero patience for my precious kids.
Thanks for your honest & vulnerable post. It was the encouragement I needed for today. Tomorrow is a new day!! And now to go get some of that sleep you mentioned…..
Trying to get out of debt – it’s so hard and discouraging sometimes!! Debt feels like a terrible cancer that won’t heal!
Thank you for posting this. These last few weeks I feel have been on failure repeat for me. I’m seriously struggling as a single mom to 6 and working full-time. I have cried myself to sleep way too often these last few weeks and I just feel sooooooo alone and defeated. I tend to isolate myself and then wonder why I feel so alone. Prayers please!
Laura,
Just said a prayer for you 🙂
You’re not alone feeling like your going through a stage of ” failure repeat”. I’ve also felt like that recently.
I’ve had many nights when I just have to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day. We have to take it one day at a time. If we don’t, it’s just too overwhelming. I’m sure you’re a great mama to those 6 kids 🙂 Stay strong!
Praying for you also, sweet Laura. Know that you are not alone and that God sees your efforts and knows your heart. I know the feelings of guilt and failure that we can so easily heap on ourselves, but please give yourself lots of GRACE…you can only do so much! I’m praying that you will have others who will come alongside you to support and help you when you need it.
Big cyber hug from Houston! I am so sorry for your loss. I want to say thank you for your testimony. I came to leave a comment on how stressed and overwhelmed i am but reading what you are having to deal with puts things in perspective. I know everyone’s problems are important because they are happening to them but thank you for the reminder to be grateful. I will be praying for you and your family. Keep trusting God for he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Laura,
I can sympathize with you. I am a single mom of 4 and i too have cried myself to sleep many nights. I isolate myself as well and then feel bad that i have no support. I feel like a constant failure even though my kids are pretty great and are very successful. I will be praying for you. Just keep your head up and know you are not alone.
I love your transparency, Crystal! I’m right there with you!! Hope this week goes better!!
Had one of those weeks. To end it all, my husband telling me that I may be the one frustrating our middle daughter causing her to withdrew. I spent last week running around trying to help her with a private talk, school counselor and teacher. I guess we all need the peace and calming oil. I have done a lot of beating up, apologizing and convincing myself I am going to do better from this point on. Glad that we can move forward.
Oh my gosh are you preaching to the choir. There is so much to do each day: get self and kids ready, go to work, come home, make dinner (which no one wants to eat including me), get my kids homework done, clean,etc. Half the time I just don’t want to. I feel like I’m failing at motherhood and being a good wife.
But then I think we all have those days, no one’s perfect, my kids are happy and fed(ahm corndogs) and I can see my floors. Tomorrow is another day.
Thank you for sharing this. I go through days/weeks like this as well. I just have to remind myself where I am getting when I feel like this. All moms take on so much especially if you are a control freak/deal with anxiety. I have learned to praise God for the good days and bad no matter what. Thank to all for sharing as it reminds me I am not alone.
I’ve had some failure moments this past week. I SO feel you on the PMS; I turn into a monster, and where I’m pretty patient one day, I’m biting off heads the next day. It’s not fair to yell at my 17 month old when she bites through my shirt and into my shoulder and doesn’t realize she’s doing it. All I can do is ask that little girl for forgiveness.
I’m also trying to get into a routine of working out and eating healthier, but I’m addicted to food and am constantly snacking; not always healthy stuff, either. I’m still trying to figure out the right way to motivate myself.
Hi Jaime,
I too have been feeling the PMS monster coming on. I’ve been yelling and also have been struggling to get myself to eat healthier consistently and have been finding it hard to keep motivated. I have 1 year old twins and a very picky eater of a 4 year old that kind of dictates our meals at times. Hugs to you. I’m trying to focus on being grateful and yelling less too as the article states.
It is so refreshing to hear moms being honest and real with one another. So often the impressions we have of one another only help us to beat up on ourselves more than we already would have. There is so much judgment that goes on among moms and people these days, and it is so nice when people stand up and admit that they don’t have it all together, and then also share what helps them cope. We can all learn so much from one another. When I write, I, too, like to be real. I think so often this is part of what helps us move forward, and also to keep from repeating the past.
I always look back on my day before I go to sleep and ask God to fill the gaps and heal the wounds that I leave behind. This always gives me a feeling of peace and helps me rest.
Thanks for sharing your heart, it does good for all of our hearts.
I wish we could “like” posts. I really appreciated your comment about asking God to fill the gaps and heal the wounds we leave behind. Thank you for sharing that, I am trying it tonight.
You’re welcome 🙂
Thank you for this post. My husband is an accountant and is not home at all so I have to do everything around the house, plus transport our 2 kids everywhere, keep them on task (our son also has autism which even on the best day throws us curves) plus I work nearly 40 hours a week. I am so tired. And just can’t wait to get the kids in bed at night so I can go to bed myself. You know it’s bad when your son with anxiety issues offers you advice on how to calm yourself….
I needed this post today. My husband has had 2 days off of work in the last month. He leaves the house at 4 am and gets home at 4 pm so he’s grumpy and tired. We have a 5 year old, 2 year old, & 5 week old. All the house work has fallen on me lately plus homeschooling and child care. I don’t remember what the bottom of my sink looks like. I’ve been trying desperately to not yell anymore but it seems like that’s the only way my husband communicates lately. When it’s all I hear it’s hard not to start yelling too. Lately I get to the end of the day and it seems like all I’ve done is change diapers and feed kids. It doesn’t help that my husband tells me how “disgusting” the house is. I also feel bad that I can’t pick up my 2 year old when he asks for upies because I’m still restricted to lifting nothing heavier than the baby. I’ve felt like I was failing for awhile now and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Thank you.
Crystal,
My husband was leaving super early when I gave birth to my 5th baby. My oldest had just turned 6.
Something that helped me was getting up earlier than my husband by 30 minutes. It seemed crazy having to get up that early, but by the time he left, my 4-year-old was awake. I figured out the only way I was going to shower was if I got up and did it before my husband did.
This led to some moments of peace where I could talk to my husband while I was getting ready and he was getting ready, too.
I had to make my bedtime between 8 and 8:30, but it wasn’t too hard with the early mornings to be tired by then!
I ended up making a schedule for myself at that point. Of course it was interrupted some by the baby’s nursing, but the early mornings turned out to be a blessing. I started a load of laundry right after my husband left, and then started breakfast. After breakfast I put in another load.
The early time ended up being a huge blessing for me, though it didn’t feel like it for a while.
If at the end of the day you’ve changed diapers and fed kids, you’ve done the most important things of the day!
You are in my prayers!
Crystal, I feel for you! You are in such a hard place! I wish I knew you so I could come and chat with you while I washed a few dishes for you. My only suggestion is — are there any things your 5-year-old might be able to help with? I have had a lot of health challenges and I’ve needed my kids to pitch in a bit more than I would have expected, but I’ve learned that they actually enjoy helping Mom. Just this afternoon, I asked my 4-year-old little guy to help Swiffer the kitchen floor, and when he saw the mop, he begged to do that, too! (I was shocked!) Crystal has lots of great suggestions, or feel free to reach out to me if you need a few ideas. You might already be doing that, but just a thought that has worked out for me. Like Brandy, I’ll be praying for you!
Have you considered a weekly cleaner? At the least, a local teen (perhaps from church?) coming in for a couple of hours once or twice a week can be a huge blessing… A “Mommy’s helper” to entertain the kids while you get some stuff done around the house and insert some self-care to boot? My girls love to help out like that and it can save your sanity!
Your piece came at the perfect time. It’s been rough here as well. We only have on child, but she’s a tween with Asperger’s and the drive to her special school, weekly therapy sessions, etc have begun to weigh on me big time. Combined with my mom in assisted living battling dementia, and siblings who talk a good game but aren’t helping get Mom’s house on the market, it’s no wonder this past week has been filled with migraines and depression. It’s all I can do to get the basic housework done. At least my hubby helps out when he can, gotta love that man!
I keep trying to remember ‘I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.’. Truly, He is the only way I’m getting through this
But it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone. So glad I found this group. Hugs to all
Great tips to handle the feelings of failure! I agree to count our blessings is important. Also, I try and simply stop and pray. I keep a prayer journal and it helps me to scribble away my prayers, thoughts and feelings to One who cares about every detail – little or big!
Also, I enjoyed and laughed at the calming oil! Laughter is good and Proverbs 17:22 says that “A cheerful heart is good medicine…” 🙂
Blessings!
I really needed “you’re not alone.” I work full-time and have 5 kids, and my husband’s work schedule is crazy right now: 60 hours a week has become the norm, and he’s salary, so there’s not even any incentive for him to work so hard, other than not losing his job. I’m forced to take care of just about everything around the house (although the kids pitch in, they’re still too young to drive), and our family lives at least 5 hours away. I FEEL alone, but I know I’m really not, and it could be so much worse. Thank you for the reality check!
You are SO not alone! This last week, I dropped my son off at his preschool … saw the other impeccably dressed kids … and realized it was picture day. I looked at my son in his too-big soccer jersey, his too-small pants, and his teeth with spinach in them from his breakfast smoothie. And then I just started laughing. (His teacher was probably a little horrified.) Later I posted my “motherhood win” on Facebook, and I was amazed at how fast the likes and comments came rolling on. Normally I don’t care too much about that, but here’s the lesson I took away: my friends “liked” my story because THEY GET IT. We all have crazy motherhood days and we all feel like failures sometimes. And for some reason, that just made me so happy. 🙂
I have had times where I felt like I was barely treading water every day and wondered if I’d ever be able to get on the boat. You just gotta keep on treadin’, keep on moving forward and one day (as my grandma used to say) ‘this too shall pass’.
I remember the days where I longed for the kids to be more independent and these days I just wish I could pick them up and carry them, have my little buddies with me when I shop. They’re bigger than me now and errands aren’t their thing.
I’ve been going through a period of feeling like I’m failing at everything recently. After a while it really started to get me down but in the last week or so I’ve started to feel like my old self again.
I actually feel like I’m getting somewhere with things.
Thanks for sharing these tips. They are a great reminder that you can get through it and you don’t have to feel like a failure.
I so resonate with this. Last week I wrote “When You Just want to give up” http://www.aheartrevealed.com/when-you-just-want-to-give-up/
I have really felt like giving up in a way that I haven’t before. I feel like a failure as a mom because my 6 year old daughter always seems to be angry, my 5 year old son wants to be in control, and I have a really hard time standing my ground. Thank you for sharing your heart. This motherhood thing is hard.
Had a good laugh over how one child brought you peace and calm oils. Great advice in this article. When I am having a bad mom day I often tell the kids “I got out of the wrong side of bed this morning so I am going to try again” and then I go upstairs, lay on my bed and read a magazine for about 5 minutes before I fall asleep. Usually I wake up in a better mood within an hour. Other days if this doesn’t work my husband will throw my running shoes at me and say “go run until your human” and that normally works. I guess running is my oil. Hope this week goes much better for you.
Made me laugh out loud — “go run until your human”. Too funny 🙂
Lately, I’ve just been struggling to make it through each day.
I found this site last fall as I was searching for ways to save money on diapers by creating a diaper stockpile for our baby due in January. For months I pounced on all of the good diaper and baby deals this site announced. Because finances were tight, I also read through the archives to find ways to save more money. Our budget was already slimmed down as far as it could reasonably go, but I managed to find a couple of more ways to cut our expenses.
Fast forward to January … the most unimaginable thing happened. My otherwise perfectly healthy baby (with a perfectly healthy pregnancy) died during childbirth. There is no rhyme or reason why. Losing a child is such an immense pain I cannot describe. Consider yourself lucky if you cannot imagine it.
To add insult to injury, we’re being slammed financially when we were already struggling financially. We’ve had funeral/burial expenses. Our Christian Healthcare sharing program is not acting so Christian (turning down bills we’ve submitted even though they should be fully covered per their guidelines), so medical bills are piling up. I was injured while giving birth: bladder prolapse (the bladder falls through your hoo-hah causing incontinence and bladder infections, and I’m told it will take a year to recover). I really think our family needs to see a counselor to help us deal with these issues and to ensure our three year old is doing okay — which costs insane amounts of money, of course.
God says he never gives us more than we can handle. But my faith in that promise is dwindling. Through this experience, I’ve really learned what it means to take life one day at a time. I have moments where life is so incredibly overwhelming that I don’t know how I’m going to live beyond the next hour, much less the next year. I tell myself to just make it through the next hour. One hour. Can I get through the next hour?
I hope I don’t sound like a whiner here. I know there are lots of other people struggling with their own problems. I hesitated to write this, but I really could use some cyber hugs and encouragement.
Oh, my heart hurts for you. I haven’t lost a child myself, but my sister was stillborn due to shoulder dystocia (i was about seven years old) . It was a really hard thing for my mom and dad to go through. So many hugs. If i could just sit with you and some coffee I would. Many prayers for you and your family.
My heart went out to you as I read your post. I will pray for you, that God will give you the grace and peace that you need, and that He will put people in your life to bless and minister to you. Hang in there! God is bigger than all the issues. I don’t know you, but will pray!
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
My heart hurts for you so much right now. You’re right..I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through. In fact, I don’t really even know if I have the right words for you, but I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. God is there…HE IS THERE. Please don’t give up on Him, even in the darkest depths of your pain. I have prayed for you, that He will give you comfort and show you that you are still His and you are loved. Peace to you.
I am so very sorry. I lost three babies although earlier in gestation but still very much have grieved them. Do you have any support groups? I went to a grief support group that was not baby specific but still really helped. Also, if you have any local friends who will go for walks with you and listen to you and talk with you about your precious baby. Praying for your comfort.
http://www.missfoundation.org/ is a very good resource for baby/child loss, too.
oh, i just want to cry w/ you! so much to deal w/ at one time…grief, health issues, financial issues…ugh! i don’t know exactly how you feel, since this life situation is uniquely yours, but i can imagine it is very hard.
my husband & i recently came through a difficult season of dealing w/ infertility, in-law issues, & the decline & eventually, death, of my father-in-law. while i didn’t cling to the Lord like i should have, i did see His hand in many ways throughout that hard place. i’d encourage you to share your heart w/ some trusted, caring real-life friends (if you haven’t already); there’s nothing like having a solid shoulder to cry on or a hug just to say they care. also, i’m finishing up an excellent book has blessed me immensely as we continue to deal w/ infertility; it is “shattered dreams” by larry crabb.
i pray that Jesus will be the Comforter & Prince of Peace in your life right now.
Oh gosh. My thoughts are with you. Have you talked to the hospital’s financial department to explain your circumstances? You may also need a lawyer if your injury was due to medical negligence or error. Most cities have loss and grief groups that meet weekly, usually at a hospital or church. The hospital chaplain or your pastor may be able to direct you to one.
Thinking of you and sending prayers that you and your family will find peace. I often repeat to myself “God does not give me more than I can handle” but sometimes I wonder if He underestimates my abilities. I have a child with special needs and some days I can barely make it through.
I heard a speaker once who talked about this topic during a very difficult period of my life. She said, “Many people say that God won’t give you more than you can handle. But … we are ALL given more than we can handle. And that’s okay. That’s why He gave us a Savior.” I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but those words reached right down to the hurting places in my heart and helped me to heal. I just wanted to share that with you. As a big sister who has a brother with autism, and as a former special education teacher, I want you to know, MaryBeth, that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are your child’s supporter, cheerleader, and biggest fan. It’s got to be exhausting to be such a superhero! But keep going. 🙂
Thanks for the encouraging words and yes I pray, pray, pray for the courage and strength to help my son (while not neglecting my daughter too)
You are not whining. You’re grieving and hurt. I’m so very sorry for your troubles. It’s definitely not Biblical to claim that God won’t give you more than you can handle. He can and does all the time. If we could handle everything we wouldn’t turn to Him.
I have had to stand at my own baby’s grave. It has been 15 years. I have other children (lots). But the feeling of not being able to get through the next few minutes still overwhelms me occasionally. And the very real fear of losing another loved one is a constant whisper that our enemy lives to keep going in our tired minds.
My dear, please know that you will get through. The waters of grief will wash over you, but they won’t permanently overflow. Even though it may not feel like it, your SAVIOUR is holding you. There’s nothing more that you have to do.
And I praying for your money stuff, that God’s provision will be abundant.
Much love to your heart tonight.
You are in my prayers.
January 2014 we had our diapers stockpiled and no baby came home with us. I know your heart. Hold tight to Jesus. And on the days you can’t… just cry out….he hears. He collects each tear. I still don’t understand, but I know even deeper that he is good. Praying for you today. If you are a part of a church now is the time to ask for help. At the same time know that not everyone will have the right response. What meant the most to my husband and I were the people who gave us a hug and shared our sorrow without trying to minimize wh
Dearest Amy & LP,
You are both in my prayers and so very strong to post on here. I am so very sorry for your losses and admire that you are able to open up to others and share your deepest feelings. Reach out to those around you at church and God will be faithful to comfort your grief and heal your broken hearts.
I experienced four miscarriages, but, nothing compares to losing your child when they are full-term. My heart breaks for you and your family.
Hugs,
Cheryl
Thank you for sharing Amy. I am sorry for your loss.
January 2014 we had our diapers stockpiled and no baby came home with us. I know your heart. Hold tight to Jesus. And on the days you can’t… just cry out….he hears. He collects each tear. I still don’t understand, but I know even deeper that he is good. Praying for you today. If you are a part of a church now is the time to ask for help. At the same time know that not everyone will have the right response. What meant the most to my husband and I were the people who gave us a hug and shared our sorrow without trying to minimize what happened. Praying you have some people like that in your life.
Oh, hugs to you! And tears with you. Well, God says He never gives us more than HE can handle. “MY grace is sufficient for you.” That is so hard to feel sometimes, though. It is one thing to know mentally that a promise is true and it’s another thing to feel it. Feelings so often don’t go along with knowledge (at least mine don’t!). Paul asked God 3 times for his thorn in the flesh to be taken away, and God didn’t do it. Will pray for you right now that God’s peace will guard (or garrison) your heart. I hope someone has words of wisdom for you about getting the counseling and wise advice that you need to bring your family through this together. You may not have finances to pay for a professional counselor, but maybe someone at a local church would be willing to pray with and for you and read God’s word with you? I don’t know, just throwing out suggestions 🙂 Hugs and prayers!
(((((((((Hug)))))))) sadly I know how this feels. I lost my first baby almost 24 years ago and my 18 year son died four years ago. It does get easier with time. I promise. It will always stink, but the stink gets easier to bear.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you that day by day the pain will get a little lighter and that all else in your life will straighten out. (Hugs)
Praying right now!
I was thinking about what you & MaryBeth said about the phrase “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”…You both have such good points, because that phrase isnt exactly true! In reality, God does allow (not cause!) so much in life that we very clearly CANNOT handle. Not one little bit. Not even pretend to handle. But he takes us in the midst of even the darkest days(months? years?) and gently calls us to come to Him completely empty-handed, so we can once again cry out to Jesus as our only hope–yes, for salvation, but also for the grace and strength our souls need just to make it through that next hour! I’m so encouraged by what Jesus says in Matt. 11:28-29:” Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened,…and you will find rest for your souls. ”
Hugs& prayers!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I lost our second son over half way through my pregnancy. The experience was both physically and emotionally traumatic. We then struggled with infertility in the years following. I struggled often with trusting in God’s goodness. BUT God in His grace has set my feet upon a Rock that is higher than me! Himself! It has now been six years since our precious boy went to be with Lord. The fact that all he has ever known is our perfect Heavenly Father has been my comfort through much grief. God in His goodness has given me peace and rest knowing He loves my son more than I ever could. I now have joy in my life in spite of the sorrow God has allowed me. He has used it greatly to grow me. I pray you find the truth of God’s love and grace in these dark days. Find someone who you can share your burdens with. The hurt may not ever leave you completely but time will heal and God WILL bring you out the other side as you rely on him. Psalm 139:13-16, Psalm 56
Cyber Hugs here……
Would you mind sharing your mailing address? My husband and I would love to help your family through this time. We are praying for you all.
My heart aches for you, but I am so pleased to see the outpouring of love you are receiving. I can’t add much to the wisdom that has already been shared with you, but I hope you find strength and comfort for the many, many people who are praying for you tonight.
Dear LP,
My prayers and heart are with you during this difficult time. There aren’t enough words sometimes…Thank you for sharing your story.
Allow yourself to grieve. I had one miscarriage right before Christmas and everyone told me to keep it to myself and not ruin Christmas. Others told me what I had done to cause it, but I had done everything right. I had another miscarriage two years later and again nobody wanted to talk. I encourage you to talk about it with a pastor or find a free counselor through church because you need to feel your feelings. It will also be important to you to keep a journal of your feelings, and even write letters to your baby. Keep them, burn them, whatever is comfortable to you, but it helps to get your emotions out and not keep them bottled up.
Also take steps to fight for an appeal with the insurance/cost share and try to negotiate the bills with the hospital to a lower rate. At the very least, set up a payment plan with the hospital until you get it all settled with the insurance.
I will commit to pray for you!! Hugs!!
Please know I will pray for you.
I would love to encourage you to keep going. God does not promise to give us no more than we can handle–he promises to hold us up and care for us as we are given what he gives us. He gives us what HE can handle not what we can handle. God will uphold you through this, you cannot do this yourself.
Death is so painful. I am sorry for your and your family’s loss. Keep moving forward-you will make it. I will be praying for you!
Big cyber hug from Houston! I am so sorry for your loss. I want to say thank you for your testimony. I came to leave a comment on how stressed and overwhelmed i am but reading what you are having to deal with puts things in perspective. I know everyone’s problems are important because they are happening to them but thank you for the reminder to be grateful. I will be praying for you and your family. Keep trusting God for he will never leave you nor forsake you.
I am so sorry for all you are going through. Sending hugs to you and prayers up for you and your family.
Thank you, thank you ladies for all of your responses. I was having a really bad day yesterday, with no “real life” people to talk to. I badly needed some encouragement, and I am so appreciative of your kind words.
It’s interesting that several of you mentioned that you disagree with the ole standby of “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” I think the saying comes from the verse that says God will not tempt/trial us with more than we can bear (1 Cor 10:13). I think the point you are making is that the only way you can bear it is by turning to God? Something I will continue to think on.
Thank you Crystal for forming a community that can uplift and encourage each other. And boy do I know those weeks when nothing works the way we planned. I appreciate your openness and being real. It’s rare to see people being real on the internet these days!
We love you, LP, and are rooting for you! I’m so grateful for how this community came around you and encouraged you on such a hard day yesterday. {Hugs!}
I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that God sends help soon. I have not been through this, but I am so sorry. I don’t know why this happened, but I do know that Jesus understands. He was a man of sorrows and cried with Mary and Martha when Lazarus died even though He knew it was temporary. Praise Him for whatever you can so as to keep your eyes on Him through this.
I have experienced the loss of a child and unfortunately so has my daughter. What you are feeling is totally normal. It takes time to heal from tragedy like this and doubly hard when you are healing physically too.
I used journal writing to get some of the feelings out. Later, I was able to see the blessings that were happening all around me during this time. I then journaled these so I wouldn’t forget that God was watching over my family during this hard time. Allow yourself the time you need to heal. This is on your own time frame not what you think others would expect.
It does help to have a trusted counselor to just be able to “dump” your feelings on because you know they are there to help, even if it is just to validate your feelings.
Hang in there. It does get better.
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this right now. You must be so overwhelmed. I lost twin sons born at 25 weeks, it is a struggle to go on sometimes. I think of them everyday. Miss the everyday even more than the day before. But it has been 17 years that they have been gone, each day gets easier. Your little one will be in your heart forever, and they are saving a spot in heaven for us. Sending you hugs and hoping things get a little easier soon.
I can’t imagine the struggle you are in, you are so courageous to share your story. I am going to pray for your family and ask the moms in my moms group to do the same. He is with us all even when it doesn’t seem like it. Continue to kick at the darkness until it bleeds light knowing God is there and loves you.
I know we all have weeks like that but I love that one of your children suggested some “Peace and Calming” oil! It is such a wake-up call when our maturing children do that to us, really brings us back to reality and really makes us conscience of our behavior (very humbling and a little embarrassing too) but still funny! Thanks for sharing!
Some great reminders! Thanks for always being so honest and “real” in your posts! 🙂
My hubby left yesterday for a business trip in the midst of both myself and our daughter feeling very sick, but he had to go. So short on sleep and patience this morning I yelled. I am a reformed yeller who comes from a long line of yellers. I didn’t want to, I knew it was coming, but I did it and it was no fair. I felt awful and ashamed…I apologized. I have one child…not like I have a lot to contend with, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Why can’t I seem to get my act together and not lash out when I am at my wits end? I need to reset my expectations and my schedule to allow for grace of both myself and my daughter. I need to be able to handle this…afterall I am a Mom and know better. I pray for grace and forgiveness.
It only takes one child to make you a mom. And only one child to make you want to pull your hair out some days. Although I have five children, at one point I had only one, and truly, motherhood is an endless, beautiful, incredible lifelong sacrifice regardless of how many children you have. Wish I could give you a hug and encourage your heart. I too am learning to reset my expectations. Rest in knowing you are exactly the mother God desired for your child, and what a gift that precious daughter has: a mom who loves her enough to daily try harder, grow a little more, do it a little better. That is a mother worth being. Be encouraged!
Wow! Love your encouragement.
Love this! Bless you Amanda for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you!! Your words were wonderful to read!
Lovely encouragement! Thanks for sharing! 😀 Blessings to you too!
Thank you for writing this! People (friends) used to tell me that I wasn’t a real mom because I “only” had one child! Unfortunately I believed that lie until we were able to adopt again and knew the very second we got our daughter that there was no difference just a little more laundry and cleaning but the heart of a mother is the same no matter how many children you have! Thank you again! Many blessings on you!
I can relate. To the yeller thing!
I have a vivid memory of my husband pausing at our front door to look back one last time. He was leaving on a business trip. The taxi was waiting. The toddler was crying. The baby was crying. I was crying. I think he was kind of relieved that he got to leave. 🙂 Honestly, I have two kids, but sometimes I think it’s harder to have one! There’s no one to play with or entertain your daughter when your husband is gone except for you, and that’s a lot of pressure! Never feel like having “just one kid” is a reason to think you aren’t entitled to struggle. You are. And you’re not alone. 🙂 And I agree with your own word – grace. Allow yourself grace. You deserve it.
I needed to read this post so bad today. You are NOT alone. I think all moms have felt like this at some point or another. I was actually going to send you a comment to let you know that you are my “blogger inspiration”. It’s refreshing to know that you have bad days too and are candid enough to share about it. Thank you for that.
I do have a question, please forgive me if it’s not the right spot, what made you decide to homeschool your children? I’m in the process of making the decision myself and and a little scared to “go against the grain”.