Guest post from of Kathleen Ann Thompson
This morning I wrote before I got out of bed, as is my practice. I write whatever is on my mind. Sometimes it’s emotions, sometimes ideas for a blog post or podcast, sometimes it’s working out a problem, and sometimes it’s my ToDo List. Today was a ToDo List day.
I wrote things like:
- Wash sheets and towels
- Clean my desk
- Finish podcast episode
- Complete webinar prep
I had a number of things on that list. What wasn’t on the list was ME.
There was nothing that would feed my heart, soul, mind, or body. There was nothing for fun. No play. Nothing for the pure joy of it. Everything was about productivity.
I had a lot on my plate. I always seem to have a lot going on, so I understand why the ToDo List weighed so heavy on my mind. Yet by not putting myself on my ToDo List, I was robbing not only myself, but also others.
In my opinion, here are three consequences we experience when we neglect to put ourselves on our ToDo List.
1. We become dull.
The old adage says, “All work and no play leaves Jack a dull boy.” The same is true for Jill.
When we neglect to “sharpen the saw” as Stephen Covey put it, we become dull indeed. Mentally and emotionally exhausted, with the life drained out of us.
Our minds dulled from constant activity and pressure. Creative thinking shuts down, making it more difficult to solve problems.
2. We become stressed.
The beauty of life lies in the spaces, the unexpected, the not doing.
Have you ever noticed that when you take a break, even for a few minutes, and stop pressing so hard, you feel more grateful? More present?
When we neglect to put ourselves on the list, we fail to see the beautiful world around us. We resent people who we love. We feel impatient or anxious.
3. We become ineffective.
In our attempt to be more productive, we work harder. Working harder causes us to press. We use productivity tools in an attempt to buy more time, only to stuff more in. By pressing so hard, we become less productive. Clear thinking turns into auto-pilot. Robotic actions.
When we stop and put ourselves on the list, we are actually thinking as much of others as we are of ourselves. We are in a much better position to help others when we first help ourselves.
Crystal talked about the importance of taking time to do something for ourselves in two recent blog posts.
The first, Five Things You should Do Every Single Day – Even When Life Is Stressful, tells us that we should not only make our bed and clean the kitchen, but also wear something that makes us feel fantastic… and spend 5-15 minutes a day doing something just for us.
The other post, Moms: Why You Need to Give Yourself a Time-out instructs us to set aside some things we “have” to do in order to do something that feeds our soul, makes us come alive.
I know all this. I tell myself (and others) all the time. And yet so often I leave myself off the list. I don’t understand why, but I do.
Sometimes when I do think to put myself on the list, and even put it on the calendar, I blow right through it because I want to accomplish something. Accomplishment feels so much more important.
Do you ever feel like that?
Does the urgent scream at you until you succumb to its siren call? Despite all the facts, why do we continue to act this way?
It’s possible that though we know that taking time for ourselves is important, we somehow don’t believe it with our whole heart. Or we feel unworthy of such time and attention.
I don’t know about you, but so often I jump on the busyness bandwagon first thing in the morning, and never get off. In fact, in one of my recent podcasts, I even shared that I was earning my “Busyness Badge” and somehow, I saw it as a badge of honor. I missed all the warning signs and ended up burned out.
If you’ve been pushing yourself further down your ToDo List or leaving yourself off entirely, here are five actions I thought of to help myself that might help you too.
5 Ideas to Put YOU On Your ToDo List:
1. Pre-print some ToDo lists with an inspirational quote and your name automatically filled in at the top.
2. Schedule time on your calendar for something that will feed your soul.
3. Make a list of tiny things that would nurture or nourish you. Something that will take only a minute or two. I’m thinking that if we start small, that might at least develop a habit that we can build on.
4. Get a habit-tracking app on your phone that reminds you to do the things you listed in Step 3.
5. Find someone to help you.
I’ve done the first four, with limited success (old habits die hard). At this point I think I really need a partner — someone to take this journey with for mutual support, encouragement, and accountability.
Will you join me? Will you put yourself on your ToDo List?
As you race around doing chores or drive to the fifteenth appointment for the day, consider how you can add yourself to your own ToDo List. And if you have ideas for me, or would like to share your journey, please leave a comment.
Kathleen Thompson is a blogger, podcaster, and singer. She uses words and music to help people find their unique voice and make their life sing. Kathleen inspires people to celebrate each moment as a precious gift and find beauty in the everyday. You can find her at Kathleen Ann Thompson.
davidyang says
it is a good post。sometimes we put our attentions on others except ourselfs. it is time for us to make some fun&and do something for ourself
kariane says
My favorite way to do to take care of myself is to take a walk by myself. It’s amazingly refreshing. I wrote about it here: http://everydaymindfulliving.com/taking-a-walk-alone/
Ann says
I hear ya, Alice. I tend to hold mine until the end of the week, but then I’m too exhausted. All around not a good habit to get into. I’ve tried to get better at working it in during the week, but old habits die hard, and it takes thoughtfulness and change in thinking that I matter too, and it’s ok to set time aside for me.
Kathleen says
Indeed, Ann.
Kristina says
Wow! This post was right on time for me. I am the single mother of two who now also has aging parents to help. I’m a full-time WFH employee, the owner of my own business, and the founder of a charity project. What do I do for me? *crickets*
Kathleen says
Kristina,
I don’t have to tell you what a challenge this is. Sometimes it’s even carving out 5-10 minutes to close our eyes and breathe. Just putting ourselves on the list somewhere helps to establish the pattern. Is there any way you can get help with any of your projects?
Kathleen
Kristina says
Hi Kathleen!
I have decided to scale back a bit with the charity project for the moment. Fewer blog posts will allow more time to focus on other things. I am also going to outsource some social media tasks to free up a bit of my time.
Thanks,
Kristina
Kathleen says
Wow, Kristina! You have taken this to heart. Congratulations on putting yourself on your list.
All my best,
Kathleen
Ann says
Your life sounds very busy, but one thing I do is schedule time to make a 10 min phone call with a girlfriend just to catch up. Takes me away from what I’m engrossed in, keeps me in touch with friends, and re-energizes me. Anything that will help you step away, even for a few minutes.
Kristina says
That’s a GREAT idea, Ann! I’m going to implement that immediately. Thanks a bunch!
Kat says
This is so good for me to read. Very timely also. My special needs son is home for summer break, and needs constant high supervision. I finally got a few hours away to go grocery shopping, and I appreciated it so much….I want to learn how to do this more in my life. Thank you!
Alice @ Earning My Two Cents says
Yes. Exactly this. I have spent the last week in a stress ball, stressed at work, worrying about money, worrying about my husband’s health, wondering what I’m cooking for dinner, does the car need to go into the shoo, taking the dogs to the emergency vet for an insect sting, but no time for me. My mental and emotional energy was burned up and I just wanted to yell at people and argue with my husband. I wasn’t on my to do list and had succumbed to “the busyness”. But taking a time out, reading, going for a run, and a phone call catching up with a friend have all been places where I was able to recharge today. And perhaps that doesn’t need to all be left for Saturday. Working in that me time during the week may just save me from my to do list. Thanks for the great points.
Kathleen says
Alice,
Sometimes “stressball” fits me to a t. We definitely don’t want to hold it until Saturday, yet it happens so often. Maybe if we put ourselves on the list often enough, we’ll actually do it. 🙂
Kathleen
Lana says
I play my piano everyday. Music feeds my soul and it is a huge stress reliever for me. It is on my to do list every single day so that I do not overlook it.
Ann says
Great post and a much needed reminder. So often we get immersed in the daily tasks of our lives, we forget to step back and breath, or take a break for ourselves. I’ve started to scheduling a daily walk for myself just for this person. Sometimes it’s with a girlfriend, sometimes with myself. It’s my “me” time.
Thanks, Kathleen. Looking forward to more guest posts?
Kathleen says
Way to go, Ann!
Kim says
Such a fantastic post! I have actively been working on trying to include time for myself when I think of all I need to do. I know that if I don’t take time to fill myself I have nothing to give to those I love. Thank you for the great reminder!!
Stacey says
What a great point! This is huge in my profession of teaching when many of us put our students, our own kids and family and forget about ourselves. Therefore burns out many of us. We try to encourage each other every other month to get together with no work talk and no kid talk and Just have Fun!!
Thank you for sharing. GREAT post and ideas.
Kathleen says
Stacey,
It’s so great that you encourage each other. My mom is a teacher too. It does feel as though you get lost in the middle there somewhere. Hope you can recharge over the summer.
Kathleen
mrl says
Kathleen, thanks for the reminder. In the hecticness of getting ready for a road trip with the kids, this is something that easily gets forgotten.
Lora says
I am already putting me on the list. This is a lesson I learned watching the Oprah Winfrey show…her guest made the comment that she realized that she didn’t put herself in her list. This was an aha moment for me…a single parent of 2.
This isn’t easy but I have found it to be necessary for me. Although my children are adults, I still have to make putting me on the list a priority.
Kathleen says
Way to go, Lora! Maybe you can remind me.
Debbie Pratt says
Thanks, Kathleen, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I am a mother and a grandmother, and very active in my church, and many times I put myself last on the list(if I am even on the list) of things to take care of. Now I am feeling tired, burned out and sorry for myself. Thanks so much for reminding me how important it is to take care of myself first, so that I can give to others! Sincerely,
Debbie
Kathleen says
Hi Debbie,
I’m so glad you’re going to take care of yourself. You’re so right…we do so much better at giving to others when we take care of ourselves.
All the best,
Kathleen