Guest post from Kaley of Cha-Ching on a Shoestring
I remember it well… the Christmas of 2011.
We had just finished opening the massive pile of gifts under my in-laws’ tree. About 90% of these presents had been shopped for, purchased, and wrapped by me — and then schlepped from PA to NY on Christmas Eve in our blue Camry.
I remember clearly that we had quite a time trying to cram all the gifts in our little car. We had stuffed and smooshed until each gift was squeezed very carefully into every possible crevice available and strict instructions were given to limit breathing lest my beautifully wrapped gifts become less perfect in any way.
And now it was Christmas morning, and we were surrounded by the usual piles of torn wrapping paper and bows tossed to and fro, and the strangest thing began to happen to me. I sat surveying the room and all its chaos… and rather than gratefulness welling up, a small lump in the back of my throat began to form and I found myself running to hide in the bathroom because really – who is allowed to CRY on Christmas Day?!
Why the Tears?
As I pondered my heavy heart on what was meant to be The Most Joyful Day, I was able to pinpoint two causes:
1. I couldn’t believe that all this rushing from gift to gift could possibly be what Christmas was all about.
2. I was exhausted from late nights baking, wrapping, and packing that week.
I promised myself in that moment that Christmas would be different next year.
Christmas – and my preparation for it – has changed drastically since that day. And I can honestly tell you that I revel in the Christmas season now.
Here are three changes that I’ve made:
November is my month to get things done.
Throughout the month of November, I hold a freezer baking session, finish my shopping, wrap all my gifts (if possible!), and finish any DIY projects. When December arrives, I am fully ready to soak up the traditions and meaningful ways that our family honors this holiday.
We’ve changed our focus on gift giving.
I no longer buy a gift just because it’s on sale. We give a smaller amount of gifts, but they are gifts that I know my children will love. We also take our time on Christmas morning to savor each gift as it’s being opened.
I hold myself accountable.
To help hold me accountable, I created a Facebook group called The Merry Little Christmas Project. Our Christmas-loving community focuses on encouraging each other to have a simpler, more organized, and more meaningful Christmas. We hold daily 20 Minute Missions throughout the month of November to tackle our To Do lists and we daily inspire each other to Do Christmas Well.
I remember the year I cried on Christmas – and how deeply it has changed me – and looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Kaley Ehret is wife to Wes and Mom of three very active, very awesome boys. She’s fluent in Star Wars Speak and Coupon Lingo – and if you tell her she’s funny, she’ll be your friend for life. She blogs about finding creative ways to save money at Cha-Ching on a Shoestring – and wants to help the world learn to live large on a limited budget and have a Merry Little Christmas too.
Rebecca says
This is such wise advice to get as much done and prepared during the month of November. I have all of my children’s Christmas gifts purchased already as well as their stocking stuffers. We choose to give each of our kids 3 nice gifts that they would really like to have. Only 3 gifts because that is the same amount of gifts that Jesus received. We also give a family gift that is something that our family can do together such as lego building blocks or a game. This year I am encouraged to get my gift wrapping done in November so that I’ll have more time to really savor the Christmas season and ponder the special meaning of it all. To be intentional about living it’s really all about planning ahead.
Kaley Ehret says
I love your ideas, Rebecca!
Heidi says
Totally cried on Christmas last year (well it wasn’t the first time, but…that’s another story. Lol)! I, too, was overwhelmed by the chaos of it all, the sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones, and the pressures of moving Christmas to an unfamiliar environment. I was triggered by chocolate. I know, right?!? But, my loving husband got me pounds and pounds of chocolate. He was working on his gift giving skills, and he went a little overboard on a Christmas request I had made. Being concerned about my pregnancy gain, the pressure of in-laws watching, exhaustion, and the candy broke me down. Sobbing in the room and a nap was all I needed. Oh, and a talk with my amazing husband about gift giving.
Kaley Ehret says
Oh my goodness. I totally understand, Heidi! And the part of this story that I didn’t mention is that I was also 4 months pregnant at the time. I think it’s totally acceptable for pregnant women to cry on Christmas – or any day for that matter!
Heidi says
🙂 Yes pregnant women get a free cry pass!
Katie says
now that we have a new baby girl, the meaning of christmas has really come through for me. for the 11 years my husband and i have been together we have, each christmas day and eve, priortised both our families over ourselves. that is, we would travel to each family, giving equal time, but always rushing off as they both live a few hours away. so christmas was always about pleasing the families and heaps of travel on the day. now that we have a baby, i have decided to start our own family christmas tradition, as we are what is most important. we have decided to do a christmas night dinner with both families at our house. they are bringing their own seafood for the main meal and each bringing a dessert. i am preparing prawns for entree, risotto, baked potato and pumpkin, fried capsicum, beans, zucchini and home made garlic bread for the main + porterhouse steak for my husband and i as we don’t eat seafood.
every year we spend less on our families gifts then they spend on us. last year my husband was receiving gifts valued at $300. in all honesty, it makes me feel embarassed because we can never do that. this year, i have shopped throughout the year at sales and have spent between $20 and $60 on each person (i will be wrapping them by the end of december). it may never look like a $300 gift and i don’t know how to stop feeling embarassed and like i am a scab with our gifts, but i just can’t compete with their excessive spending. we have financial goals and are on track to pay our house off within 8 years plus we own 2 investment properties. we spend $90 a week on groceries (this includes formula and disposable nappies) and try to be frugal where we can, without being ‘scabs’ or ‘cheapskates’. i always give quality gifts (e.g. i got a pair of silver and stone earrings on sale from $70 down to $21 for my MIL) but why does christmas have to be all about consumerism?!
*wishing i could take off to a remote location with my family and get back to the real meaning of christmas. home made food & treats, a few simple inexpensive presents, christmas music and singing and dancing, a nice relaxing walk after our lunch followed by a lovely light hearted christmas movie in the afternoon to relax, with homemade popcorn of course. could it get any better? x
Claire says
This is an issue in my family too (extended family members with higher incomes than ours who out-give us). I have tried everything: asking to draw names for gift giving, asking to put a dollar limit on gifts, asking to only give to the kids. They just wouldn’t go for it. But last year they did like our idea of focusing more on experience gifts, which helped a little.
Kaley Ehret says
I think it is completely Ok to spend less if that is all your budget can handle, Katie. It’s the “Expectations” of Christmas that often stress us out the most. And sometimes we just need to give ourselves grace enough to say “no” to the obligations that we sense others are putting on us.
Becky {Milo & Oats} says
I really appreciate this post! I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed already…and not particularly excited about the upcoming season….which is unusual for me. This encouraged me! I’m going to try to get all of the “necessities” finished up this month so I can enjoy a meaningful December with my family. Thank you!
Kaley Ehret says
Thanks for your encouraging comment, Becky. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with all there is to do. Sounds like you are off to a great start on your Merry Little Christmas. 🙂
Joyce says
As my twins are getting older, they want less gifts (but more expensive). This year all they want are cell phones so they are each getting one & some small stocking stuffers, that’s it.
I do enjoy wrapping Christmas gifts. I put on those sappy Hallmark movies & wrap away! I color code the paper by family, that makes it easier because we have to ship to 3 different families.
I wish we could stop giving to adults. I don’t mind giving to the parents but I think it’s silly to give to adult siblings when we give to their children also. But no one will stop, so we feel obligated.
pamela says
Joyce,
Last year, we moved near my husband’s very large extended family and we were very concerned about all the Christmas gift giving.
We decided to host a large extended family Christmas party and made it very clear that this was our gift to my husband’s family. We had a little ornament making station for the children to make a small inexpensive gift for their parents for Christmas. We played really fun Christmas games and provided all the food.
We were very pleased with how the Christmas Party went, and are looking forward to hosting it again this year. We have chosen the first Saturday in December to be our “Christmas Party Day”. It takes a lot of preparation, but it is so worth it to be done and enjoy the rest of the month.
We still give my husband’s parents Christmas gifts – but not for anyone else, as the party IS THE GIFT.
I also host a Cousins Valentine Party and a Cousins Easter Party. The focus is on the children, but the adults come too.
We also give each niece and nephew a present on their birthday. I choose a theme for the year, and shop year round and buy their gifts at rock bottom prices. This year our birthday theme is “Kids in the Kitchen” and we have given each child a Children’s Cookbook / or Teen Cookbook and a small kitchen whisk or rubber scraper to go with their cookbook.
Next year’s theme is “Bath Time” and I have already found everything at fabulous prices. The babies are getting baby bath toys. The four school age girls are getting these bath time Disney Princesses that I found on clearance for $2.50 each (score!) and a small body wash. The preschool age boys are getting Spiderman bath toys and Spiderman bubble bath. The teen girls are getting teen body wash, lotion, and socks. The teen boys are getting teen body wash and something else (I don’t remember what I found, but it is in my stash).
With my side of the family, we do the exact opposite as they live far away. I mail Christmas gifts. I don’t mail child birthday gifts. I choose a theme each Christmas and then buy duplicates for each family.
Claire says
I love your idea, especially the part about having an ornament station so the kids can make ornaments to give as gifts. I think it’s so important to provide kids with the opportunity to participate in the gift giving.
Jen says
Love your ideas!
Lori in NC says
For adults now (since our budget is quite limited) we give each brother-in-law, sister, etc. something for $5. Sometimes a Starbucks card, fancy ink pens, etc. and that’s fine. It’s something for each adult to unwrap — while the kids are getting plenty.
Kaley Ehret says
I understand. Sometimes it’s hard to break traditions, Joyce. These are all great ideas!
L says
I also try to get most of my shopping completed by October/November. There might be one little gift to buy for a child exchange that I wasn’t aware of but my husband’s gift, all of my children’s gifts, sponsor gifts, teacher gifts are checked off in November. That way baking and decorating can be more enjoyable vs. stressful!
Each of our kids receives four gifts and as they are older now, I ask for a list that I can choose from. I want them to enjoy their gifts but yet be a little surprised. Before we open the gifts, we go around and say three things that we are thankful for each person in the family. This is often a tear-jerker and puts the meaning into the holiday and our family….that it’s not just about the gifts but the love that we have for each other.
Kaley Ehret says
You are doing a great job, L! Sounds so special.
Karen says
Christmas used to be depressing for me. My mother-in-law spoils my kids rotten and no matter how much my husband and I would ask her not to, she would do it anyway. There was no way I could compete with the amount of gifts she gave and she would not tell me what she was buying so sometimes the gifts would be the same as I bought..but we did Christmas at her house on Christmas Eve so it made it impossible for me to do an exchange before Christmas morning. Two years ago my husband and I decided to just get a couple of items for the kids as they want the more expensive things now. On Christmas Eve we watched as the kids opened the presents their grandma had bought and it dawned on me that she was just buying “stuff”. Not things they wanted or needed. My kids were not very thrilled, but thanked her as they were taught to. On Christmas morning my son opened the three gifts I had for him and was so overwhelmed that he actually became ill. We had gotten him things he had dreamed of getting but never thought he actually would. Our daughters were the same way. They were so thrilled with their gifts. I realized that quantity looks nice under the tree, but if no one likes what’s under the paper it’s just money gone to waste. On a side note, most of the stuff she got them last year went straight to Goodwill hopefully someone can use it!
Kaley Ehret says
It’s hard to avoid all of the stresses that Christmas can bring, but it sounds like you have made some great changes, Karen!
Jennifer says
Your post really spoke to me. Every Christmas Day, I’m just exhausted from the all the flurry of activity that has occupied the entire month–from before Thanksgiving on. I want to relax and embrace my family and the significance of the month.
I like the idea of “if it doesn’t get done in November it’s not happening.”
Kaley Ehret says
You can do it, Jennifer! It’s all about finding time to savor the holiday season. 🙂
Brandy @ The Prudent Homemaker says
I work on presents in November and December, but this year I am hoping to be done in November.
I like your idea to make cookie dough ahead of time and freeze it. That would be a good thing for me. I do make fresh bread for gift giving, but the cookie dough would be a great thing to have done early.
One thing I really need to do ahead of time is wrap gifts. This was a good reminder.
Kaley Ehret says
All great ideas, Brandy!
Michelle Morgan says
All but 2 gifts are wrapped and in the basement. I did it about 2 weeks ago. I generally shop all year. The holidays drive me crazy enough as it is. I am very much an introvert and spending so much time with so many people really wears me out. This year I wrapped them up a month earlier than usual because we are moving. We’re moving 1200 miles away to be missionaries in Montreal and everyone wants to spend time with us! I will probably cry this Christmas. It will probably be a mix of relief that we are finally leaving, missing our loved ones, and simply being overwhelmed. Somewhere in there I hope our family can remember the reason we are celebrating and the reason we are leaving.
Kaley Ehret says
You are allowed to cry on Christmas, Michelle. I understand. 🙂 It sounds like you are doing all you can to mentally prepare yourself and that is awesome. I hope you are able to find joy even in the midst of the stresses.
Jessica says
I had been itching to start getting the presents that I have already bought wrapped, but felt like surely it is too early. Thanks for “giving me permission” to start wrapping!!
Kaley Ehret says
You’ll be so glad you did, Jessica!
Emily says
I agree! I was overwhelmed by how greedy my kids became around Christmas, so last year, Santa only filled their stocking with a few small toys. Then we bought them 2 gifts each, focusing on things we knew they would really love. I think what made the biggest difference was we had them do service for other people to earn money (I paid them) to buy gifts for each other. They did their own shopping and wrapping. We also decided to exchange homemade gifts with extended family. The spirit of Christmas was so much better!!
Kaley Ehret says
Those are some great changes, Emily. When I remember my favorite childhood Christmases, it has nothing to do with the gifts. So I have to remind myself of that when I start to focus too much on the gifts I give my children.
Cheryl says
I like these guidelines for gifts:
something they WANT
something they NEED
something to WEAR
something to READ
Kaley Ehret says
I think those are fantastic guidelines, Cheryl!
amber says
I shop year around buy a gift here and there usually at clearance price. Some of my friends think I’m crazy some say I’m the cheapest person they ever know.. I just say I’m smart cause I’m not paying those high prices or standing in the check out for hours in December 🙂 If that’s crazy! I must be insane
Kaley Ehret says
If you are crazy, then I must be too, Amber. 🙂
Aubrey says
Great post! I’m sure there are many people who can relate!
I used to travel extensively for my job, often to some really cool/exotic locations. So I would just pick up Christmas and birthday gifts for people on my travels and would very rarely have to get a gift right before Christmas. Now we live 1200 miles from any family – we drive to see them in the summer and fly for Christmas. So, my goal is always to have all of our Christmas/birthday gifts for the upcoming year purchased or made and all wrapped up by our summer road trip – because we just can’t fit many gifts into carryon bags in December (and yep! we’re too frugal to pay to check bags!)
I love, love, love the weeks leading up to Christmas – but I know that’s really because all of the gift decisions have been made and I can just focus on and enjoy decorating, baking, singing, writing Christmas cards, playing in the snow with my son, etc.
Kaley Ehret says
I like how you think, Aubrey! 🙂
Esther says
Thanks for sharing this. I often feel a small panic attack coming on when I think ahead to Christmas — all the “to do’s” that must get done. I like your strategy of getting things done in November . . . I will say that I already placed my Amazon Christmas order . . . I wanted to get it done early, and before Amazon starts jacking prices closer to Christmas. Also — my friends and I often have a gift wrapping party at the beginning of December . . . one mom hosts it, we all bring snacks, and we wrap and talk for a few hours. So much more fun than wrapping alone!
Amber says
That sounds so fun!
Kaley Ehret says
You are well on your way to a Merry Little Christmas, Esther! 🙂
Davonne Parks says
I love this post! I feel exactly the same way about Christmas gifts.
Kaley Ehret says
Thank you, Davonne!
Claire says
Good for you for identifying the things that needed to change, and then implementing those changes. I really think kids appreciate their present more when they don’t get an overwhelming amount of them. Since my son’s birth 6 years ago, I have had to work hard at getting our extended family to see this. I buy very little for my son because I know he will get so much from everyone else. And honestly, my husband and I receive more than we’re comfortable with as well. But our efforts are paying off, and our family has toned it down quite a bit. One thing that helped last year was putting “experience gifts” on our Amazon.com wishlists.
Kaley Ehret says
What a great idea to put “experience gifts” on your Amazon wishlist. I’m going to try that. Thanks, Claire!