Yesterday, three-year-old Silas decided he wanted to learn to ride his bike without training wheels. Since we’re the type of parents who never want to hold our children back (or maybe you could term us “relaxed parents” since we’re okay with letting our children do things that might possibly result in some scrapes and bruises?), Jesse took off his training wheels, we suited him up with his bike helmet, and we helped him get up on his bike and try riding without training wheels.
Of course, he didn’t succeed yesterday and it was a whole lot harder than he thought it would be, but his determination to do this has been inspiring to me. How many times in our own lives do we wish we could do something, but we don’t just go try it, because we’re scared of the falls and bruises that might result from going out there and trying?
Facing My Public Speaking Fears
I’ve been learning this in my journey to become a public speaker. At first, public speaking absolutely scared me beyond what I can express. And no, I am so not exaggerating. Even though I had a lot of passion and a lot of things I wanted to share, I would avoid speaking opportunities like my life depended upon it.
This went on for years, with me turning down opportunity after opportunity because I didn’t want to stand up in front of a crowd and make an utter fool of myself. Now granted, I’m really, really glad I didn’t do public speaking back when I thought I pretty much knew everything.
Falling Down and Getting Up and Trying Again
God has been gracious to teach me a lot about grace in the last few years and to help me realize how far I have to come and how much I have to learn. In the process, He’s been challenging me to step outside my comfort zone and share some of my passion for financial stewardship and intentional living as a public speaker.
The first few speaking engagements I did were really downright awful. In fact, I pretty much read my talks word-for-word with a shaking voice. {If you were in attendance at one the aforementioned speaking engagements, thank you so much for your kindness to actually sit through the sessions!}
But as I kept putting myself out there, kept making mistakes, kept getting back up and trying again after falling down, public speaking has more and more become something I’m truly loving. And I’m excited that I can actually stand up in front of a crowd and ad lib with passion — something I never would have dreamed would be possible a few years back.
Turn Your “I Wishes” Into “I Wills”
If I had given up after those first few abysmal speeches, I never would have discovered how much I actually enjoy speaking to a crowd. And I certainly never would have had some of the opportunities I’ve had in recent months to get to meet and become friends with such amazingly dear people.
I’m far from where I want to be in honing the craft of public speaking (I was telling someone just last week, “I’ve got the passion, I just need to work on the polish!“), but I’m so excited at the progress I’ve made. Instead of running from critiques, I now welcome them because I know this is one of the best ways to improve. In fact, I’ve been making a few honest friends critique me after every speech and I’m getting ready to start working with a speaking coach who will likely take critiquing to a whole new level.
This is how you learn anything in life. You stop saying “I wish” and start saying “I will”. You jump out of your comfort zone and face your fears. You watch and learn from people who are much more experienced. You practice, practice, and practice some more. And you get back up and do it again when you fall down.
You might not succeed at what you’re hoping to and you might not end up where you plan to, but I promise that if you turn your “I wishes” into “I wills”, your life is going to be much more rich, fulfilled, and exciting. And you just might far exceed what you ever imagined was possible!
What are you going to stop saying “I wish” about today? Tell us about it in the comments.
I’m in a challenging season of life right now – husband, 8 month old daughter, full time work outside the home (not to mention 4 animals!). Many of my wishes center around sleep 😉 However, I am beginning to feel the itch to make plans and progress in a few areas: being better stewards of our finances and resources, wanting to eat more healthfully and exercise more, and taking better care of our home. Because my time and energy are limited, I have been focusing on small steps. For example, using a few coupons here and there, bringing a healthy lunch to work each day, taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator, doing squats and crunches in the evening while my daughter plays on the floor. The house, well, that’s a work in progress. I guess without realizing it, I have been saying “I will” in small ways, which is better than sitting on the couch with a tub of ice cream saying “I wish.” 😉
Crystal,
I wanted to mention th that anyone who has issues with public speaking might enjoy the Toastmasters Club. It is a civic group found in most towns and cities especially designed to help folks with public speaking in a relaxed, secure environment. They have all kinds of clubs and both men and women and even children attend. (Sometimes they have speaking contests for children and have prizes). It’s been a while since I’ve been to one of their meetings but the people there were very nice.
You appear to be a very capable public speaker, but just wanted to throw that resource out there just in case.
Great and timely post for me! Congratulations on overcoming and public speaking! I am telling myself I WILL become organized. I have to let go of all the negative thoughts holding me back, about not being good enough etc. I also dream of working from home, I keep trying to let it go but it the notion keeps popping back up.
Congrats to your son who wants to try to ride his bike! I am also a relaxed parent (very type B lol) and I try to encourage my son, barring the activity won’t cause extreme injury or death (he can be a slight daredevil!)
Blessings,
Kate
Crystal– You’re awesome! Thank you for being such a positive force in the world. I have a great group of friends here locally but I feel like you could be “one of my girls” if we only knew eachother. 🙂 Love the blog…
I hope we get a chance to meet sometime! Thanks so much for your kind encouragement!
My blog post tomorrow is along these very same lines!!
I have been trying to work on these. Though it sometimes is impossible. I am a stay at home mom and want to go back to work. My youngest will be in school full-time in 3 and 1/2 more years. I am currently taking a graduate course in Positive Psychology this spring as well as taking the Middle School Language Arts Praxis test to become officially certified in something I have already taught!
Writing 3 things that went well and why every evening was part of one of my exercises and I will continue it. It really helps one reflect on the positive for the day.
This I came up with on my own: Right before bed I make a small list of what I still need to get done. It feels like the whole world has been lifted off of my chest once I write those things down. I sleep better, and it is great knowing that I have to do list in the morning I can work on crossing things off.
My husband always tells me to “make a list” when I start to feel like I’m drowning. It does work! 🙂
This is so timely and I’ve even been to one of your motivating speeches, and, on top of that, you were kind enough to take SO much time to talk to me at Allume to talk about writing an ebook, and yet… here I sit, still wishing and not doing. I’m not sure what’s holding me back aside from fear. Fear of time not well-spent if it never amounts to anything, fear of money lost if I don’t earn it back, fear of it not being well-received… yeppers, just FEAR!! I even emailed the contact you gave me and we had a number of nice messages about it and my husband has given me his full blessing. In fact, the wonderful man has even set aside some money to help fund it because he believes in me SO much. It’s touching, but almost makes me more scared to disappoint him. Ugh. Okay, I will, I will, I will…
I was just thinking about you a few days ago because I was telling someone about your amazing freezer cooking. And then I wondered if anything had come of your ebook idea.
How about you tell me a date of when you are going to get it done, and I’ll hold you to it. Deal? 🙂
I’m cheering for you!
Oh goodness, the idea that you even remembered and still think it’s realistic and plausible makes me even more scared!! Ha! Why do I twist it so encouraging, supportive people are almost paralyzing to me?? My goodness, the very worst thing that could happen is it’s a flop, right? And even then, I can still say I gave it a go!
One of my favorite quotes is, ‘ “What happens if I go in there and I can’t do it?”
“But what happens if you can?” ‘
Time to start living those words. Now… what is a reasonable time frame? Ahh, yes, I’ve got SO much to learn!
Natalie, you should write the ebook. I just finished my first ebook and while I have no clue how it will do, I’ve learned so much and there’s benefit in that. Also, now I have a great gardening notebook that is more indepth than I probably would have done just for myself.
This was so inspirational. Thanks so much!
Wonderful thoughts! This is so true. You could have fooled me with the public speaking – you seemed like a natural to me, so your hard work has definitely paid off!
I finally stopped saying “I wish” to putting some of my work for sale on-line and started doing it. I think fear and lack of perfection were really holding me back. Really, it all has far exceeded my expectations!
Now I need to stop saying “I wish” to some of the next steps in moving my business forward. Again, I get afraid of what people will think and want everything to be just perfect before taking the next step. It never will be perfect.
You are so right: “It will never be perfect.”
I’m proud of you and was so blessed to get to meet you this year.
{And thank you for your sweet words!}
Super cute printables in your Etsy Store!
There’s a fabulous post on (in)courage today about Tryer’s Remorse. Highly recommend it!
I have been saying, “I want to stop smoking.” But that doesn’t really cut it … at least not past the first stressful situation after the last cigarette is gone.
LuAnn,
I was a smoker for four years but I eventually quit last year. I think if you have a good reason to quit, you CAN!! There are no excuses. Put your mind to it and do it, for your self and those around you. This post might offer some help: http://therebelchick.com/e-cigarettes-are-better-than-the-real-thing-right. Wish you best of luck!
I have always wanted to be able to volunteer full time. We are now saving for extreme early retirement (we’re in our twenties) so that I don’t have to work 30+ years teaching and be burnt out and my husband’s construction job is very physically demanding and he would like to just work part time later on. Teaching is very mentally/physically taxing and consumes much of my life. I’m not sure how well I will do at balancing teaching and family later on. I think later I would do better with volunteer tutoring. That means investing a lot towards early retirement which is scary with the market as volatile as it is. However, I still think it is the best choice.
It definitely IS a matter of DOING. I finally got some much needed assistance to help get my blog looking a little better. I am not “tech-y” nor do I have the passion. My passion is the writing.
But in getting this blog dream going, it’s been a great example to my girls that dreaming and believing are the firs steps…get out there and DO it. If I fail, I fail. But I will not walk away from it without a lesson.
Thanks for sharing! Always so motivating!
What if your “I wish” is something you have no control over? Like, I wish for a family of my own, but the closer I get to 30 the more of a pipe dream that feels like.
I don’t know your circumstances, but as someone who is going to be 36 in a few weeks and is single and without kids, I can empathize. Since I also don’t have a family of my own, I obviously don’t have an easy answer. You’re right in that it’s not something we can control the same way we can decide we “will” start saving, learning how to public speak, or exercise regulary. If that were the case, I’d have been married years ago from sheer determination. Instead, I’m now trying to focus on the things I can control and let the rest go. So in my case, that means:
I will spend time with and emulate behaviors of friends and family who have successful long term relationships, I will try to become the kind of person I want to meet, I will prepare myself financially and emotionally to bring everything I can to a relationship, I will continue to put my introverted self out there to meet people, and most importantly I will stop thinking that I am doing something wrong because it hasn’t happened yet.
Dear Anon,
Maybe looking at the situation from another angle would help. When I looked up at 40 and still wasn’t married or a mom, I took a different route and started the process to adopt my daughter. 10+ years later, still not married but loving life as a mom.
There are lots of different paths up a mountain!
I wanted to start crafting and sewing for years, and recently started doing it and selling some of my creations on Etsy. It has been such a wonderful experience to really dive into the “crafty” and creative side of myself. I always sort of knew that side of me existed, but never dreamed I would enjoy it as much as I do!
That is awesome! I love crafty! Will check out your site!
Lauren,
Thanks for posting. This is my “I wish”, too, but so far that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Oh, and a closet full of fabric!!
I looked at your Etsy store. Lovely items!!
A closet full of fabric is a great start. 😉
Thank you so much for this truly inspiring post, Crystal! I’ve been trying to say “I will” more when it comes to opportunities to advance myself in my academic pursuits, such as presenting at conferences, writing book reviews for academic journals, or participate in a panel about teaching strategies for new graduate instructors. Sometimes I feel nervous and a little out of my “comfort zone” but I am learning and growing and improving myself with every little “wish” I turn into a “will”! Thanks always for your wonderful posts.
I don’t want to sound negative but how do you know when to persevere and when you should walk away? This has always been difficult for me to work out. I have often started something and come up against problems and then given up.
How do you know when the right thing to do is carry on? Or when the right thing to do is walk away?
I think that’s a good, honest question. You’re right; sometimes we need to push through and sometimes, God is closing a door or redirecting us. I would say pray, pray, pray, and ask people whose opinions you trust for their feedback. Also, perhaps keep a journal when you start something: write down what you’re doing, what problems you’re encountering, etc. Maybe seeing it in writing will help you determine if the progress outweighs the problems, if that makes sense.
Yes – this makes sense. I recently started something and its upset people (unintentionally) and I don’t know whether to perserve or just give up
Great article. You are definitely on target. I will stop saying “I wish” to the projects I have half-finished around the house and just start doing!
As a side note, take Silas’s pedals off his bike, too. When he gets the hang of coasting without training wheels and pedals, then add the pedals back on. My young five year old learned very quickly with this method.
My four year old learned after one training wheel fell off. It was so hard for him to balance with one training wheel so we took the other one off and that was easy compared to…. hee, hee. Probably not the best tactic, though. 😉
My first son learned quickly when we downsized him to a smaller bike. It’s important to be able to touch the ground to catch yourself. Who knew…. 😉
Oh, what a creative idea! I’ve never heard of doing that before. Thanks for sharing!
Try taking the pedals off the bike. My son struggled with getting his balance. My husband saw a video on youtube by a bike shop owner. He suggested taking off the pedals so that they learn balance. Just let him push it around alternating his feet for a few days. It took my son 1 day and we had tried and tried!! Worked like magic!
I have a daughter Silas’s age, and she is fully enjoying a “balance bike.” If you have any interest, go to Amazon and google “Kazam balance bike.” It’s something he could use for YEARS and adjustable so that the girls might even have fun on it too. It makes my daughter feel like she is older and it’s also teaching her balance. Somehow it’s much easier than a 2-wheeler.
I am just now pursuing my latest determination to “find more time for my family while still working from home”. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Thanks for the encouragement.
Crystal, I wish I could have heard you speak in Bloomington, IL in September. But I have no regrets on making my son’s soccer game on his birthday, either. 😉
Thanks for the wisdom, Crystal. I would take public speaking over many things, lol. I do a lot of speaking and teaching with the work that I am currently in…hosting and teaching classes in my home 7-8 times a month. It was starting to wear on me and I “wanted” to have something a little less invasive to my family while still helping others. I looked at bloggers like you and thought, “I wish I could do more work online to help others”.
For a day, I thought I should write an e-book like you. For a day, I thought I should invent recipes like others. For a day, I thought I should get more versed in allergy research like someone else. For a day, I wished I could enjoy writing long helpful articles. But deep down, I knew those were other people’s niches, not mine. I was determined to find my own niche and to not lose heart.
Through prayer and patience and determination, I recently found the perfect niche for me to help others….mostly through online work. It’s perfect for me, my family, and my communities (both in person and online). It was a lot of work jumping into this endeavor, but I was ready for it and I had a lot of encouraging support.
You are right, don’t give up. Stay true to yourself, don’t try to be someone else, and keep plugging away. Silas will be sporting two wheels very soon if he has half the ambition and motivation that you do! 😉
To homeschool my three kids who are ages 11, 5, and 3. This has been on my heart for a couple of years now, but I’ve been too afraid to seriously pursue it. I come up with all sorts of excuses. For example, I think to myself: my son is too old to start homeschooling now (he’ll be in the 7th grade), I’m not smart enough (even though I have a college degree), the list goes on and on…..
I’ve tried to shake the idea of homeschooling, but it seems that God isn’t letting me put it to rest 🙂
Thanks for posting this encouraging quote, Crystal. I can find many areas in my life to apply it to.
This is neat. I love homeschooling.
I have a terrible time asking for help and sometimes shy away from opportunities if I need to ask people for help to get there.
Willingness to keep asking for help and engaging with others to pursue my life goals will keep me from wishing my life away!
Great post–I want to stop wishing to learn to sing well, exercise daily, and cut sweets out of my life. I’m not sure how to go about learning to sing better, but the other two are pretty simple. After reading the other posts, I also want to stop wishing that I had a clean house and just declutter it and clean it up! Off to work!
We are working on beating our debt, so when I catch myself thinking “I wish I could buy (xyz)” I change the thought to “I’m sacrificing this today so I can buy what is important to us guilt free later.” I love this saying, I’ll be sifting through my “I wish” thoughts and changing them as they come. 🙂
I love this Crystal. How inspiring.
Oops, that was not meant to be a reply to you Jamie but just a comment in general.
I love this; thank you so much for sharing!
How inspiring!
This is a timely post for me.
In an attempt to serve others and be a blessing, despite the fact that my life isn’t “perfect”, I have been doing things outside my comfort zone. It has been such a huge blessing to my family! Thankfully public speaking isn’t one of them “yet”.
The Lord has laid something specific upon my heart to do for some other mom’s at my church. Been a long time in coming, but hopefully… when my children are DONE being sick I can start. It means inviting people into my home. I have not had people over (other than family etc) for over 2 years (long story), but lately I feel the NEED to do it. My house isn’t Martha Stewart pretty. In fact I don’t even have a living room, nor do I have flooring in the Den or my Dining Room. But I know this is something HE is urging me to do.
Thanks so much for sharing. Don’t stop sharing what the Lord is doing in your life. It is a blessing and encouragement to me… and I am sure others.
Prayers and blessings to you Crystal!
Some of my favorite times with friends have been when they invited me into a home that was far from perfect. A gracious host is much more important than a magazine-perfect home!
I’m so excited for you to step out and do something that is outside your comfort zone; I know you will be very blessed in it!
Dear Crystal,
You’re so spot on in this article. At the end of last year I was evaluating my life and the bad habits that somehow became entrenched and were simply crippling my outlook on life and my productivity. I wished I had more discipline to keep my home organized and clean, I wished I had enough wherewithal to workout at least some days of the week, I wished I had more time to read an educational material that pertained to my career, etc. I had a sobering realization that if things continued the way they were I would have another unproductive year and I would continue to berate myself for not doing more, for not being more.
Your book “21 Days to a More Disciplined Life” and Brian Tracy’s books “Eat that Frog” and “The Power of Self-Discipline” literally changed my life. I learned about Brian Tracy from your book by the way, so thank you. The results have been nothing short of amazing! My house has now been clean now for 40 days, I found time to work-out 6 days a week, I’m reading great books and articles, and I have been cooking healthy meals for my family. All this is on the top of working 45 hrs/week as a nurse in the busy Emergency Room.
To sum it all up, I stopped wishing and started doing.
Keep up the wonderful work Crystal, may God abundantly bless you and your family.
Sincerely,
Nicole S.
Can I just say that I am SO proud of you? You’re an inspiration — and I’m cheering you on. Way to go!
By the way, I can only imagination how many people you’re going to inspire with this comment. Thank you for taking time to share!
I think you could write a fantastic guest post – this is a great story! But I suppose you would need to fit writing into your busy schedule, right?! 🙂
I agree! I’d LOVE a guest post from you!
Wow! I feel honored and humbled at the same time. Let me think about it and I will let you know on Monday.
What a great post, Crystal. We’re also pretty “relaxed” parents when it come to our children trying new things. I think it’s a good thing. My older children are adults and teens and I see them following their dreams, even when its crazy dreams like wanting to be a jeweler or an actor, instead of just wishing. It’s inspiring.
For a long time, I’ve wanted to write and this fall, spurred on by seeing my children follow their dreams, I began my first ebook. I’m releasing it tomorrow and it hasn’t been as scarey as I thought it would be. Its a gardening notebook called, The Gardening Notebook, http://www.thegardeningnotebook.com. I know, very original title.
I really is just a matter of doing instead of wishing.
I love that!
And I’m so excited about your first ebook releasing — yay! I’m looking forward to reading it!
Crystal, it’s exciting to watch how god is growing you and stretching you!! I was so blessed by you at the MOm’s boot camp retreat last year. Will you be going again this year?
How do you find a speaking coach?
I’m not going to be there this year, but I know it will be great!
I found a fantastic speaking coach when I attended the She Speaks Intensive recently.
{Oh and thank you for your kind encouragement!}
Good for you Crystal! I was at your session at Allume this past fall, and I never would have guessed that you had a fear of public speaking at one time. I really enjoyed your stories and would love to hear you speak again one day!
Wow! That is a question to ponder. I have changed some wishes in to wills that last few years as well. My mom told me before she passed away “Victoria you got a talent with power tools and a talent with words, and I am praying I get to see you use them both from heaven” . After she passed away I used the financial legacy she left me to develop both those talents (renovating homes and blogging) and I do pray she is seeing the fruition of them both. I still have a tonne of wishes though. Some I don’t think I could write about in a public forum but here is one I will share. I wish….no I will…..run a race for charity and inspire others to join me.
I love this! You are a huge inspiration to me when it comes to running and I know that you will run a race for charity. Pick a race and let me know the date so I can cheer for you from afar!