My husband and I are about to enter into parenthood in a month. Do you have any advice for how to prepare for a baby to come? I have all of his things, I am nearly done packing my hospital bag, and I am well on the way to having lots of meals frozen before his arrival. What I mean is this: how do I prepare for going from a 32-hour-a-week-worker to a mostly-stay-at-home-mom? -Paige
1. Realize That There Will Be Hard Days
Congratulations, Paige! Having a new baby is a wonderful thing. It will change your life in so many fantastic ways.
However, since I’m a realist, I’m going to tell you that there will be many days when it feels far from wonderful and fantastic. There will be crying and fussing and dirty diapers and spit-up. Later, there will be messes, whining, more messes, and more whining. And unless you’re a nurse by profession, you’ll probably be dealing with more bodily fluids on a daily basis than you’re used to. 🙂
2. Embrace Each Day
Motherhood is not for wimps. It’s one of the hardest professions on the face of the earth, but it’s also one of the most rewarding professions on the face of the earth. You’ll discover depths of love inside you that you never knew existed and your heart will forever be walking outside of your body.
Instead of focusing on the pile of dirty laundry, the exhaustion you’re experiencing because you only got three hours of interrupted sleep last night, or the just-changed shirt that is now has spit-up on it, choose to embrace today.
Soak up your precious baby. Don’t be too busy or harried to just sit and enjoy the little moments. They are fleeting!
3. Get a Good Routine Going
If you’re used to running a pretty tight ship when it comes to your work-outside-the-home schedule, making the transition to being a stay-at-home mom can be hard–especially because life with a newborn baby can be full of so much unpredictability. If you can, set up a basic routine for your day from the get-go. Read my advice to an overwhelmed mom of a baby here for more on setting up a basic routine.
4. Find Some Great Mom Friends
You need support in your new role. Find a small group of moms who understand you, who will encourage you on your hard days, and who will rejoice with you in your victories.
5. Don’t Let Yourself Go
It’s important to continue to take care of you. Don’t neglect to get some exercise and fresh air, make healthful eating choices, take a multi-vitamin, drink lots of water, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night (as much as is possible with a newborn!), and allow margin in your life for things that energize and refresh you. You’ll be a better wife and mom if you make your own health and sanity a priority!
There’s so much more I could share, but I’ll stop there and let the rest of you jump in in the comments. What advice and tips do you have for someone who is preparing to be a brand-new stay-at-home mom?
My advice: It will take awhile, but your Mommy instincts should kick in and allow you to figure out a strong bond with your baby. I would get bored nursing my daughter and she sometimes was difficult to get to sleep. (I never thought about reading.) So, I made up a song just for her. I’ve sung it to her since she was really small, and now that she’s 2, she asks for “baby song.” It comforts her when she’s hurt, can’t sleep, or just needs her Mommy. I feel proud that I have a special bond with her. It makes up for having to pay my student loans off while I’m home with my daughter.
*I’m not a sahm, but I run a daycare out of my home in order to spend every day with my daughter. So, I really don’t know completely what it is like to be at home with just my daughter.
I’m a little late to the conversation, but I do want to add this. Even though you will be a new mom, trust your intuition!!!! If you think something “just doesn’t seem right,” trust that instinct no matter what anyone else says. Take your concerns to your pediatrician. If you feel your concerns are too easily dismissed without really being taken seriously, then take them somewhere else!
God gave mothers intuition for very good reason, and even the newest, most “green” mothers have it. So listen to it! My daughter is now 5, and as I look back at the various times that I thought something didn’t seem quite right, it turns out that I was right every time. Thankfully it was nothing serious, but I could have addressed some things much sooner than I did if I had only trusted in my own gut feelings. Best wishes to you! 🙂
ACCEPT HELP!!!! In the ways and doses that fit your personality and needs but definitely allow others to help when they offer. And when they don’t offer, ask for help. It really does take a village! Congratulations! :0)
Preparing freezer meals is sooo helpful. Just make sure that you have a lock on your freezer and you use it. The 2nd day we were home from the hospital with my last baby my husband didn’t get the freezer door shut all the way. So we ended up loosing all the meals I had prepared. Needless to say in my hormonal state a was an emotional mess, but we survived!
It seems a little hokey but the Dunstan Baby Language techniques really do work. They decipher different kinds of baby cries and tell you what they mean. I used this information with my last two babies and it works like magic.
Here’s the first lesson. The others are available on youtube if you search for them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6CFSGAueyo
Also with my five kids (and as a nurse) I learned that when they are kicking and throwing their arms around a lot while crying it’s usually because they have tummy pain from a gas bubble. If you burp them they become more comfortable and calm right down. Just a little bit of info I wish I had as a new mom 🙂
There are so many tips above, that I don’t know know that what I say here will sound much different, but:
1. Hang on tightly to God. It’s hard to find time to read your Bible, to pray without interruption, to hear a sermon, or participate in a Bible study when you have tiny ones…but keep trying. He will give you hope when all else fails you.
2. Hang on tightly to your husband. Kids, moving, money, life events…can all cause a lot of stress on your marriage. Hang on tightly to one another. One day the kids will be gone, and it will just be the two of you again!
3. Hang on tightly to your kids. They will grow up so fast! Too many times I’ve responded in anger when I should have responded with love. Take a breather (even if it means leaving them cry for 10 minutes in bed) and clear your head. Try to see the world through their little eyes. Then go back to them refreshed.
4. Hang in there! Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Having someone watch the baby so you can get a shower or a date night or go shopping is a wonderful thing. Go easy on yourself. Try to get as much rest and nourishment as you can, and don’t worry about getting everything else done. Keep your expectations low. Sometimes just getting a shower is a huge accomplishment!
Congratulations on your new baby!
Perfect timing! My first is also due in about a month and I’m looking forward to the same situation. Thank you (and the commenters!) for the tips!
I’ll pray for an easy delivery for both of us!!! Congrats!
Sleep when the baby sleeps. The laundry can wait and the cleaning can wait, but sleep while you can and spend as much time with your precious baby while you can. They really grow up too fast!
Husbands……Allow your husband to love your baby in his own way!!! I see mothers of all ages, including my own daughter and DIL scold, brush away or in some way diminish hubbys awkward trys. I can guarantee it wont take much and he will flee out of concern for being put down. He is new at this as well. Short of physical harm, let him be the dad. And leave him alone with the baby even for short moments, so that he too can soak up the wonders of childhood. Your child will benefit in untold ways and you will be glad to have another set of hands and eyes through this wonderful process. My best to you and yours.
I am a stay at home mom with a 2 1/2 year old and I’m 5 months pregnant with #2. My Mom was always a stay at home mom while was growing up so I was prepared for some things from watching her but there were several things I wasn’t prepared for.
1) The value of peace: I don’t think there’s a sahm who doesn’t reach that point where all they want is 5 minutes of peace. I had this book growing up and there are many times that I think of it during the day when I want those 5 minutes. If I had the money I’d buy a copy for every stay at home mom I know. http://www.amazon.com/Five-Minutes-Peace-Jill-Murphy/dp/0698117875 I try to focus on those few minutes of peace whenever I can find them.
2) You need to have an outlet. I became a mom shortly after college ended and I was used to be able to cross things off my to-do list and feel like I accomplished something. The biggest whole I found in my life was that I wanted that feeling everyday. So I recommend finding an outlet for yourself. Something you enjoy that allows you to feel successful and accomplished at the end of the day.
Allow, encourage, make your husband be involved with everything. Diaper changing, rocking the screaming child (they will scream and it isn’t your fault and you can’t make them stop) etc. It was a huge perception switch once I realized that I wasn’t asking my husband to “babysit” while I met a friend for coffee, I was asking him to parent. That is not a burden, it is a privilege. It removed the guilt I would have when I asked to get out of the hosue alone ocassionally.
I would really encourage you to read “The Mission of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson. I am a mother of three great kids, ages 7, 4, and 2. I wish I would have read this book when I was expecting my first one! As much as there is to prepare physically, reading this amazing book will prepare you spiritually for the best 24/7 job you will have ever.
Well, this is an un-fun piece of advice, but I’d suggest working out your budget!
I definitely think you can make it work, but it doesn’t happen without some planning. We just sort of had faith that it would work out, but we didn’t make any real adjustments to our spending at first-‘um…..oops!
I worked part time until our 2nd was born, and I’m hoping to find another part time job once he’s in school full time next year. There have been lots of hard days, but lots of wonderful ones, too-and boy, does it to by in a flash.
If I had those days to do all over, I’d spend even less time cleaning!
Oh, one more piece of advice-leave your hubby alone for a whole day with the baby as soon as you can. I’m lucky enough to have a very capable, modern husband who does more than his share of the chores, but some dads need to be thrown right in to, “Get,” what all goes in to caring for a little one. Plus, it’s great bonding time for them. You just can’t criticize if he does things differently than you would have.
Enjoy, enjoy!
I didn’t take time to read all of the 100+ comments, so maybe this is a repeat of what another mom said…
I worked up until my 17-month-old was born. On my days off, I would do all the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. and feel so accomplished. Once my son was born, I was upset that I didn’t feel “accomplished”. Now I realize that getting the laundry done and making dinner, or cleaning the bathroom and running errands, or just making dinner is an accomplished day and I feel good.
Realizing that having an “accomplished” day does not mean the same thing with baby as it did pre-baby will help you to feel accomplished. Like all the others have said – he’s only young once and you’ll always have “something” that needs to be done. Enjoy that baby!
My best piece of advice – Do what works for you and your family and ignore everybody else! 😉
Life will slow down, big time with a newborn (as opposed to a hectic work environment). Slow down with it. Plan things in your day to get out of the house on purpose. Going from being at work with a lot of social interaction to being at home with a baby was hard for me. I still struggle with doing the same work day in and day out ( I have 3 now). Laundry, dishes, floors, diapers, food. What helps me is to gain perspective of why I do it all. To create a home for my family, to meet their basic and important needs. That is priceless and no one does it better than Mom. You won’t ever be perfect, but like any job we get better at it over TIME!
You made me laugh! I’m a nurse by profession and my first baby brought me to my knees! I was used to very busy days taking care of six patients and thought how hard can one little baby be compared to this? Well, I learned. If all you do all day is keep the baby fed and dry then you’re doing an awesome job. Slowly you’ll get your feet back under you and you can start incorporating more and before you know it you’re super mom just like all the rest. It took me about 9 agonizing months though, but I’m subborn and couldn’t accept that it’s normal for this transition to be much harder than expected.
I would highly recommend finding a local MOPS group in your area. You can find one at http://www.MOPS.org.
Congratulations Paige! I, too, just became a stay-at-home-mom after leaving a busy, 40+hour/week job when my little boy was born just over 3 months ago. There has been so much good advice shared already, but the one thing I have to add that I haven’t read here yet is to not feel guilty if God blesses you with a very easy baby. An earlier poster said that some babies are “perfectly perfect” – I feel like my son is one of those perfectly perfect babies! He eats well, sleeps well, and is a naturally content/happy baby. Because of this I’m able to clean my house and cook meals and shower daily and even exercise most days – just because I can still do these things post-baby doesn’t mean I’m not holding my baby enough! (I was able to do these all of these things while working 40+hours/week – so if you take my job out of my life, that means I could hold my little boy more than 40 hours a week and still have as much time to do other things as I did while working)
Some more tangible things that I have found helpful…
– someone else mentioned it, but it’s worth repeating…park near the cart corrals when you go shopping
– know that breast feeding will hurt at the beginning – even if the baby is a natural feeder and you do everything correctly (I don’t remember how many books I read pre-baby that said it won’t hurt if it’s done correctly – that’s not true!)
– for the first two weeks after the birth make time for a warm bath, or two or three, a day (once you’ve had the baby you’ll understand!)
– get into the routine of doing something with your husband and baby every day (for us it’s every morning when my husband reads a chapter of the Bible to my son and I while I’m nursing him)
I love your last bullet – to have your husband read a chapter of the Bible to him while I’m breastfeeding! I think we’ll have to do this one. 🙂 Thanks!
I had a very difficult journey to SAHM. I went from working full time and working with adults, to staying home all day with a baby that screamed 12 – 17 hours a day. She screamed no matter what I did and refused to sleep most of the time it was awful! She cried, I cried, and felt so alone. I was beyond exhausted and my house fell into total chaos. We didn’t eat a home cooked meal for over a month. We ended up having to be in the hospital for a week but you know what it could have been so much worse! So even if you feel hopeless and scared and exhausted and frustrated and at the end of your rope, it can pretty much always get worse. Enjoy the precious moments with your baby and use every spare second you can to be with them. Take out isn’t always bad! 🙂
As a mother of a 5 week old, I cannot say much on what comes later, but here are some tips from what I learned so far:
-Go out and spend time doing fun adult things while you are still pregnant. Make a date with your husband to see a movie without cartoon characters in it at the theaters. Go window shopping by yourself for hours on end.
-Find out what services are available for free at your hospital for labor and recovery. Mine had a labor ball, a lactation consultant, a special menu for new moms and so on. Be sure to take advantage of them!
-Let your husband play with your baby the way he wants to play with them. It is sooo easy to be critical and “correct” everything he does. That goes for changing diapers and bathing too. I like to show my husband a new thing I discovered our daughter can do from my own time with her (like tapping the dangling toys from her gym and responding to the noise) and that shows him a way he can interact with her without telling him “You’re doing it wrong, she likes it this way.”
-I know it feels weird, but talk to your baby about nothing. I caught myself not saying a word to my baby for hours at a time because it was just me and her. Now I tell her what I am cooking, what colors are in the outfit I am putting on her, and I sometimes read aloud whatever article I am reading online (like this one).
-Take time for yourself and your interests. My mom signed me up for a sewing class at the end of this month and I am so excited about it. Those first few weeks with just me and the baby I thought about that class and I was hopeful.
Welcome to mommydom! It’s a huge transition, and everybody has posted some very good stuff that’s right on the money. The biggest lesson I’ve learned (and am still learning, 6 years into the job) from being a work-at-home mom (I do medical transcription from home) is that taking time for yourself, to exercise, shower, read, eat, etc., is NOT a crime — it feels sometimes like you’re abandoning your responsibilities or that you should be able to do without those things for the sake of your child, but you’re not. Like #5 in the post says: Don’t let yourself go — that’s mentally as well as physically. It’s really hard, especially at first, to leave your baby, but find someone you trust implicitly to babysit (like dad!) and just go out for an hour or two — get a coffee and read in the park, go for a long walk, have a cup of tea with a friend, or go out on a date with your husband. Mom friends and mom/baby outings are important, too, but you have to resist the mommy instinct to be all things to all people first and push your own needs to the back burner — that’s the quickest way to burnout.
Thanks, also, to everyone who’s posted above about spending quality time with the kids instead of fussing about housework and inconsequential things — that poem spoke directly to my heart this morning. Time to take a dose of my own advice and mix in a liberal portion of what’s in the posts above for one heavy-duty chill pill! 😉
If you are used to being busy and out and about, that doesn’t have to stop with baby. Go to library story times, join some playgroups (even with a newborn, you can talk to other moms!), find a MOPS group if there is one around, join a Bible Study, you can even see if there are some places you can volunteer at where you can either bring your baby or do some work from home.
Congratulations! I am due Nov. 23 with our second. While I’m not a stay-at-home mom, I am transitioning to be as soon as we are financially able. I do want to say please don’t be afraid to consider working PT from home or the office if you find out it works better for you and your husband. I know there were days when I was on maternity leave when I just needed a mental health break and going to the office was actually fun for me after leave was over. My daughter is growing up way too fast, though, (my husband works third shift and stays home with her during the day) and I do relish every moment I have with her. Remember patience is a virtue (I am still working on that) and don’t be shy about asking for help from family, friends, etc. I know I said ‘no thanks’ to way too many offers! Above all, remember every trial while baby is a newborn, infant or toddler is temporary and will soon pass, no matter how desperate it seems at the time. Kids are an investment well worth all the emotion and work you put into raising them right! Thank God for every day they are happy and healthy.
I actually AM going back to work PT in January – Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a free sitter using family and bringing him to the office (I work for family), so I will only be a full-time SAHM for November and December. 🙂
The most shocking thing to me, when my 1st child was born, was that every bit of independence and privacy was gone….100% gone from my life. I couldn’t go to the bathroom at home without taking my son with me, I couldn’t have 5 min in the shower without him being in a bouncy seat right next to the shower. That was surprisingly difficult to adjust to for me.
For me, the hospital bag and making sure I had baby stuff ended up being the least important part of being prepared. I wish I had set up a network of other Mom of young kids friends in advance. I had children later in life, many of my friends have kids in High School and College or are grandparents already and my boys are 3 & 5. The support network of moms going though what you are is critical.
I worked outside the home in a very demanding career for nearly 20 years before having my kids, and was a full time (my husband had custody) step parent for 11 years before my kids were born (my step daughter was 16 when my oldest was born), and I still was not prepared for how hard it was to be a mom of a newborn. It is the most emotionally and mentally demanding job I’ve ever done, with the longest hours and most delayed gratification. It’s also, hands down the best thing I’ve ever done. My kids are amazing and being a mom has stretched me and made be grow in ways that I never even considered before having children.
For me, the biggest difference between working at a job and being a new sahm was how productive I felt. (Emphasis on *felt*). I mean, as a teacher I could do like 200 things in the five minutes between bells–not to mention a free period for planning! But at the end of the day with a newborn, the floors were not vacuumed, the laundry was maybe washed but probably not folded, and dinner was…well, not ready yet… and I was tired! It is a different pace and style of life. Embrace it. And remember that you are investing in a person’s life–embarking on a life-long mentoring/discipleship project. I had to learn not to trusts my feelings when I didn’t feel like I was “accomplishing” anything. The kind of goals you have in this role are very different than in the work world, but still very worthy of your investment!
Try to get in a full feeding every time – that’s from Babywise
Baby probably can’t go more than two hours awake – from Weissbluth
From me – if someone offers to help you, accept! A friend offered to come clean my bathrooms and kitchen. I didn’t really want her to see those places, but I knew I wouldn’t be cleaning them any time soon. It is good for your surroundings and it is good for your heart to have some one come and take care of you a little.
Don’t have a hard and fast plan that you MUST stick to–both in the delivery room AND at home. Have an idea of what you’d like to see happen, but be ready for the unexpected and just roll with it.
My goals when I had my newborns were shower everyday and get out of the house at least once a day! If I completed these two I felt a lot better about myself everyday! Having a newborn is the hardest job in the world. With my first, I would call my mom everynight and cry and she would guide and help me through it. I couldn’t understand how someone with a Master’s Degree (myself) was struggling so hard with an infant. Baby #2 – piece of cake, guess I learned my lesson!
GIVE YOURSELF GRACE!!! That’s my number one, number two, and number three piece of advice. ENJOY THAT BABY is right up there, also 😉
If you choose to by a Stay at Home Wife and Mom when you answer the never ending question what do you do? Find an answer your proud of never ever say “I am just a housewife” Say something like ” I am a CEO Home Manager”
Understand that if you decide to stay home and are home for many children the world might decide not to take you back so start preparing something to do from home on the side when all of the children are school age so that if and when you are an empty nester you might walk right into your new career from home.
I have 3 kids-almost 4 yrs, 2 yrs, and 5 months. My newest life saving thing is that I have picked one day a week (Wednesdays) that are my “cleaning” days. I found that having a day designated for cleaning allows me to not feel so much pressure to clean the rest of the week. I still do dishes, clean the counters, and pick up toys 10 times a day on the other days, but I don’t feel the pressure to do any “real” cleaning (bed sheets, scrubbing toilets, etc.). It also has allowed me to not feel so bad to tell my children on just that ONE day, “right now I’m cleaning, let’s find you something to do on your own” (The older two help me clean, too, though). Sometimes everyone ends up cranky or whatever on Wednesdays, though, and I have just decided to be flexible and then clean on another day.
Hi – I have five little (and not so little) ones and the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that God really does give you the wisdom and direction for every task He gives you. Including motherhood. He doesn’t always provide it years in advance – but little by little as challenges present themselves you’ll find that you have a sort of inner compass that guides you. We just have to be brave enough to listen to it. Lots of friends and family will give you advice which is good. Listen, but remember that God selected you as the most qualified to raise this particular child – not them. So follow Jesus and listed to your gut. 🙂
Thanks so much! I needed this today!!!
(Sorry it posted twice!)
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
– Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
A familiar poem to some, and one I recite in my head daily. Thanks to Mopsy at Lifenut for inspiring me to post it here.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
– Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
The easiest thing I found was to have a loose daily routine, try to sleep when the baby slept, join a playgroup/mom’s club- I didn’t want to but I am sooo glad I did- it gets us out of the house twice a week for a few hours and it wasn’t running errands. I wish I hadn’t waited til #1 was almost 1.
The house can wait but dealing with health/sanitation is important- if the garbage is not piling up, there are some dishes to eat off of and everyone has clean underwear then you are doing better than many. Mine are 1 and 3 and and I am finally dealing with the cobwebs 🙂 Enjoy your new baby!
I have written so much about this, here are some of my favorites:
First 2 Weeks Home with a Newborn: http://mylittlebitoflife.com/?p=1349
Crying: http://mylittlebitoflife.com/?p=1824
Breastfeeding: http://mylittlebitoflife.com/?p=1204
Honored to Love: http://mylittlebitoflife.com/?p=1162
I have 4 children (ages 18 months to 6 years), I have a degree in Elementary Education, a minor in Early Childhood, I started babysitting at a very young age and my mom did home day care for over 13 years and I was still deathly scared to take my first home. I’ve been around kids for as long as I can remember and know this is what God has called me to do and I still can’t believe how difficult it can be sometimes.
Always keep very handy:
*water bottle
*camera
*quick snacks (dried fruit & nuts were always one of my favorites!)
*take nice long, warm baths (especially if you have a vaginal birth)
*take time to snuggle, love and smell your baby everyday (I miss that so much)
*cherish the good moments and during the bad times, remember, that this too shall pass, you really do forget a lot of the bad stuff, and remember that even though you don’t really believe it at the time, someday you will miss it (I love Trace Adkins song: You’re Gonna Miss This).
Contact me through my blog if you want any more advise, to vent, or whatever you need. It is going to be the best time of your life, but also, some of the most difficult.
Thanks for your wise advice, Carolynn. I was just thinking of you this morning! I hope you’re doing well! Miss you!
Me too! I keep meaning to e-mail you and you see how far I’ve gotten! 🙂 Love your CO pictures! 🙂
Practice using all the baby equipment before the baby comes. Install the car seat. Practice opening and closing the stroller. Baby monitors. Everything. We didn’t and this added a lot of stress on top of everything else after our first baby arrived early.
Pray, Pray, Pray! Each child is different and will have different needs. It’s impossible to be fully prepared for any child, whether it is your first or your 20th! Ask the Lord for wisdom in raising your little one, and keep asking. I realized a couple of years ago that wisdom often comes one piece at a time, as it is needed. Otherwise, we would think we know it all and no longer have a need for relying on the Lord!
Enjoy your little one as your fulfill the purpose for which you were designed! 🙂
I have been a SAHM for 3 yrs now, there is alot of really good advice listed here, but 2 things I have to offer advice on…
1. Find a moms club! You can google this and find moms groups and clubs in your area. I found alot of good and supportive friends this way, and getting out of the house is very important!
2. Stay humbled and focused on your goals. Its really hard to see all your friends buying new houses and cars and not be a bit jealous! Remember why you choose to make sacrifices! It will pay off in the future for you!
Hope that helps a bit…good luck!
As much as everyone says that fitting a shower in is so difficult, I found that for me it wasn’t, and having that daily shower made ALL the difference in my outlook. If I didn’t get one while my daughter was sleeping in the morning I would just put her in her carseat or bouncy seat and bring her in the bathroom and play shower curtain peek a boo with her.
I would echo most everything I have read in these comments. Now that mine are 15, 13, 10 and a new 4 yr old from Ethiopia, I find myself reviewing this video over and over. It’s called “The Gift of an Ordinary Day”. I wish I had seen it before all the children came. Bookmark it for sure. There are days you will want to remember the wisdom in it.
http://youtu.be/olSyCLJU3O0
This post contains good advice. I haven’t read comments but I just want to say that there are some days, and sometimes many days, where you will feel totally wiped out by the end of the day and look around you and feel like you’ve accomplished nothing; “Why am I so tired? I didn’t do anything today?” The thing is, the daily ins and outs of mothering a baby and/or small children can be so different from a “real” job that it takes getting used to. Sometimes the best you can do is keep your baby alive that day! And that’s okay… sometimes that, in and of itself, requires everything you have that day, especially if they don’t feel so good.
But as Crystal said, I can’t imagine a more rewarding job. The difficulties will stretch you just as far as the enjoyment. A profound enjoyment. I really feel that if we are up to the task of mothering it can turn you into a grown-up, a real and true grown-up in the best way. Oh and yes, don’t let your health and well-being go to the pits because if you’re running on fumes it doesn’t help your baby or anyone.
Congratulations Paige! Motherhood is gonna rock your socks off! (in amazing ways and also in much less glamorous ways, at times – for example, my 2-year-old just wiped his snotty nose…..on my sleeve. 🙂
I have 4 boys, and worked full time outside of the home until this past June, when I became a full time SAHM. It’s definitely been a change of pace, for sure! I had to find my “new normal” ~ which included redefining my roles in our family. It helps to have an incredibly supportive husband, with whom I have frequent communication with about ‘what is going well’ and ‘what could be going better’, both inside and outside of the home.
Things that help me:
1. Spending time with the Lord. “His mercies are new every morning” ~ this makes the day start off the right way.
2. Getting showered and dressed every day, and most days – putting make up on.
3. Finding a local moms group. I have a MOPS meeting right down the street from me. I LOVE IT! Also though, I am learning not to overcommit to things. The reason I am home is for my boys, not to be busier than I was when working.
4. Having a routine, but also maintaining flexibility in our routine.
5. Continuing to date my husband, and also having LOTS of communication with him.
I have moments when I question my decision, but I think mostly because I put too much pressure on myself to do it all – child-rearing, errands, schedules, appointments, being frugal, housework, homework help, making dinner, etc. It simply cannot all be done, all at once, all of the time. I am continuing to learn to let some things slide (like the laundry baskets of clothes waiting for me to fold them…sigh) and realizing that sometimes cereal for dinner is okay 🙂
Embrace your new role, cherish that sweet baby, and be blessed in every moment you have together.
Find what works for you, and don’t worry about what other people think. Co-sleep or crib, swaddling or not, binky or not, bumper pads or not, breast feeding or formula, cry-it-out or rock-to-sleep, cloth or disposable… it’s amazing how women will get all up in arms about the “right” way and make you feel bad if you aren’t doing that! But there is no right or wrong. You will know what’s best for your baby and your own sanity.
Sleep when the baby sleeps…because you can only do that with your first baby!! I remember cuddling with my first on the couch for some blissful naps, and boy do I miss those days. Now #4 is due in February, and my oldest won’t even be 5 yet. Caffeine is wonderful.
ahh…I have 4 that are (now) 5 and under. I definitely miss those blissful days of napping on the couch with just my oldest, as an infant 🙂 But? I’ve learned to also embrace the chaos that is my crazy life. I would have it no other way! (and certainly not without caffeine, hahaha)
Congrats on #4 – you’ll do GREAT, Mama!!
If you manage to take a shower, you get bonus points 🙂 There’s a reason it’s been said so often. Sometimes just getting that far is a hard thing to do!
If you want the baby nearby while you do laundry or cook, put him the the carseat (you can rock it with your foot while you eat a meal). He can see you and you can talk to him.
Also, make sure to have gas drops. Fussy babies who won’t stop crying seem to always be relieved with them. I’ve rarely had to use them more than 3 times with each child (and they’re around $11 for a tiny bottle!) but they are worth it to soothe your baby and help soothe you, too!
I disagree with the carseat suggestion. Carseats are for cars only, especially for newborns that can’t hold their heads up. Carseats put babies in a position that makes it difficult for them to breathe, especially when they fall asleep and are deeply relaxed. There are other products out there designed to hold sitting/sleeping babies.
Then wouldn’t a sleeping baby die in a carseat in the car?
If by other products, you mean a bouncer, there is nothing to hold a baby’s head up in a bouncer; they just slide over. A swing has the same problem.
Some babies do die in carseats in cars and there is research the long periods in the carseats (for whatever reason) contributes to SIDS. They should be used as little as possible in the newborn phase.
There are cradle swings for newborns and bouncers are good for older babies. For tiny ones, arms and slings 🙂
We use the infant car seat in the car (obviously) but don’t drive a lot, especially those first few months. (I mean like… a couple hours a month, total, if that…) I don’t have a swing, bouncy seat, cradle, or any other item for rocking a baby (not even a rocker/recliner for me), so yes, we occasionally used the car seat indoors (not for extended periods though!). 🙂 Why *not* multi-purpose like that?! 🙂
Also, I was talking about a baby who is awake, who just wants to coo at you while you’re trying to prepare dinner.
I actually really agree with the car seat and was planning on using it while at home. I have other friends who have suggested this – they said I could take a shower while the baby is in the car seat right outside the shower door (without a steamy room of course) and that some babies actually PREFER the car seat to their crib/bassinet/pack-n-play for nap time. So I will at least try this when I can’t put him in the swing in the living room and need to be near him hands-free. Thanks for the suggestion!!
I hope you’ll do more research, Paige. Here are a few links:
http://www.parentdish.com/2009/09/05/infants-shouldnt-sleep-in-car-seats-study-says/
http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/babies-kids/baby-toddler/nursery-furniture/cribs/cribs/safer-sleeping/cribs-safer-sleeping.htm
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/08/24/car.seat.blood.oxygen/index.html
I became a stay at home mom at the age of 36 after 15 years of waiting to have a child and now I am about to become a mother again at the age of 38 (they will be 18 months apart)–God is good!
My best piece of advice during the first few months is to just take it one day at a time. I remember the stress of all the newness and unpredictability of all it would get overwhelming, but when my husband would come home from work, I would realize that we had survived another day. That day turned into a week and the weeks turned into months.
Everyone will tell you to cherish each moment and that it will go by quickly, but when you are in the middle of those first few months, it feels like the baby will never get on a schedule and that your life will chaotic forever (at least that is how it felt for me). It will calm down and when it does, I encourage you to look back and see how much strength God gives you even when you do not realize it.
I agree. Telling a new mom to cherish each moment is like telling a drowning man to enjoy the water. Maybe better advice would be to record as many moments as you can so you can cherish them when you have time/energy:)
Get the book Babywise! It saved my sanity and gave me sleep! Join a Moms group, women’s Bible study, or some other group to connect with women.
Amen on the Babywise (and all the other “Wise” books too!)!!! LIFE SAVER!! The principles are true!!! Stick with them and you’ll see much success in the area of sleep, both for you and baby! 🙂
I am a Babywise naysayer. I encourage you to research this book widely before applying any of the methods.
I am very leery of books that set up scenarios like those in Babywise– “Either be like the Jones family, who followed our methods and have cheerful and obedient children, or be like the poor Thomas family, who went their own way and (tsk, tsk) now have a co-sleeping tyrant who misbehaves at dinner parties.”
We have raised co-sleeping, extended-breastfed children who we parent with responsiveness and willingness to be inconvenienced…and they are lovely, obedient, good-hearted kiddos. Read your Bible (including the Gospels!:) ) and follow your heart. There are MANY ways to grow a child God’s way. He didn’t make carbon copies; we are all originals! Yay!
I know some people are anti-Babywise, but it has truly been a blessing for us. Both of our children are great sleepers (as are we as parents), they are relaxed and on a wonderful routine. I don’t feel as if this was coercing them into anything, it was just making the sleep part a non-issue so we could focus on everything else. Of course, read it and make your own decisions, but everyone I know that has followed the book has nothing but wonderful things to say about it.
I, too, fought the Babywise method; the authors’ attitudes about “those other people” rubbed me the wrong way, too! But, after failing to help my first child sleep through the night, I finally gave in and tried the suggested routine, and I quickly became a Babywise believer! By the time I had my second child, I had her on a schedule before we left the hospital! It gave me a sense of purpose and peace to have a schedule and a routine to follow. It also helps you to develop a mindset of setting boundaries for your children; it helps them to thrive!
I agree with the majority of the women on here, enjoy your baby! My son turned one yesterday and I tell myself every single day ” he will only be little once”. Cherish every moment you have with them. Even when it is 3 am, I try to remember….he needs me, is this 15 min of lost sleep on my part worth not holding him? No, it’s not. The other advice that I wish I had followed a little earlier is to follow what MY instincts and heart were telling me. I tried to breastfeed and as an RN, I was pretty gung ho about it. Unfortunately, BF did not work out for us for several reasons. But when I made the decision to stop, it felt so liberating! I stopped listening to my mom, my sister ect and just listened to my inner voice….it said “your frustration and guilt is making you fall into depression, they make formula for a reason, millions of babies live on it and are healthy, give up and be happy for the sake of your child”. I never looked back and it was a great decision for us. I believe in BF your child, buy it’s not for everyone. DONT FEEL GUILTY! As long as your doing the best you can (with anything), and your loving your child….then all is well 🙂
Since this is your first child, you may be unprepared for the feeling, at times, of complete boredom and perhaps some depression and loneliness. I know, seems pretty harsh right? I have two children and am a full-time work-outside-the-home mom. But during both of my lengthy maternity leaves, I often felt this way. It wasn’t quite post-partum depression, but you WILL have some ups and downs with your hormones and you WILL want to cry for no reason and you WILL think you’re the worst parent in the world when you can’t get your baby to stop crying. There will be days when you put the baby down for a long nap and realize you have nothing to do and will walk aimlessly around the house cleaning things that don’t need to be cleaned (which is where a hobby comes in handy). And after a few weeks, you will be craving adult conversation, so I recommend a mom’s group or something of that sort. You will feel more love for this little person than you could ever imagine, but you will also have times of feeling like you wish it could be over. But try to cherish every moment, even the bad ones, because it goes by so quickly. Your sweet, snuggly little baby will very quickly turn into a two-year-old and you will be wishing for those infancy days! 🙂 Best of luck to you!
That was all good advice – I only want to add one more thing. As a mom who has NOT slept 7-8 hours/night regularly for the last almost 9 years. This has been my life not only because of my three kids, but also to enrich my marriage and to get my master’s degree, I have chosen to put other things over sleep. If you feel that you CANNOT get your 8 hours of sleep, it is much better to NOT stress about it. I have learned this the hard way. If you aren’t going to do it, then don’t stress and worry that you didn’t do it, reading every magazine article about the benefits of sleep and feeling guilty/freaking out that you are missing out on those benefits. There are seasons in our lives that the Lord will carry us through, so pray, smile, take some vitamins and yes, drink a cup of coffee. Praying is also a must – it will cover a ton of deficiencies on our parts. I also learned this one the hard way. I would love to feel like I could make time to sleep 8 hours a day and work out every day, make all of my family’s food from scratch and do everything else I have to do, but alas, it isn’t all to be this year. But if I am able to spend my time with God, He will make it right and help my heart to be at peace.
Definitely try and nap when baby does (especially in the beginning), & realize that you’ll NEVER get this time back. I too have an education (3 different master’s degrees) & absolutely am the happiest person that I chose to stay at home. NOTHING is as awesome as watching her smile for the first time, grab a toy for the first time, etc. Stop often to just enjoy the baby and do nothing but stare and smile. It’s the best thing in the universe!!!!
Congratulations, Paige! Becoming a first-time mom is a very special time in your life – you’ll never forget it.
As a mother of 4 boys ages 13 – 6, I have learned 2 things especially that have been helpful in keeping my perspective in balance when I’m overwhelmed or frustrated at motherhood:
1. Make an imaginary (or actual) time line of the life of your child, using the average lifespan of 80 years. Your new baby is in your care for a very short portion of that line. Time is indeed short!
2. When our 2nd son was a baby, he did not sleep well at night. I asked a mother of 10 if she has any tips on getting her babies to sleep through the night. And you know what she said? “No I don’t. When I get up at night with my babies, I just have to think of all the babies in the world who cry and cry because there is no one to care for them. And then I don’t mind rocking my baby.” That brought tears to my eyes more than once as I rocked my babies and thanked God that I COULD be there and comfort that little bundle.
God bless you, Paige, as you look forward to loving that tiny bundle of life!
You may be very emotional so don’t take offense or get upset over things. Just roll with the little sleep thing and don’t try to make up for it during the day…because if you have a second child, you’ll realize that’s not possible. So get used to it.
as the overwhelmed mom with the newborn….read the post she linked. Don’t set your expectations too high. Don’t aim for perfection in being a housewife, instead focus all your energy on your little one. it IS extremely hard. There is little sleep. And if you are breastfeeding there is little anyone can do at first to help you. But don’t be afraid to ask for help. With my first I tried to do everything myself and it was a horrible experience until I let go of my pride and made use of the people around me for support and help. With my second I don’t think twice to ask dh to help. Overall, enjoy your baby. The time goes by SO quickly and before you know it their babyhood is over. You will look back and remember the days you sat and rocked your baby, held him in your arms while you slept, and the times that you watched tirelessly while he learned to roll over, talk, crawl, walk….you won’t remember how clean your house was or how perfect your meals were or how much laundry you got done 🙂
Nothing can prepare you for the first baby. I did alot of babysitting of newborns when I was younger and thought I was ready. But “knowing” about them eating every 2 hrs and experiencing it (well for me it was every 45 minutes until my milk supply got established about a month after they were born) are two completely different things. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!! Even if you have a house full of stuff that “needs” to get done, your number one responsibility is that little baby and you can’t be a good mom unless you are good to yourself and sleep is #1 on that list of being good to yourself. Just snuggle up with that little bundle and take a nap. We napped together in the lazy chair and I co-slept, with him eating every 45 minutes that was the only way for me to keep my sanity. And you know what, it didn’t ruin him for life like some people will want you to believe. This is something you will get to do with the first baby. Sleep when the baby sleeps doesn’t happen with subsequent babies because the toddler wants/needs his/her time then.
You have a great start by having the meals in the freezer, cooking is going to be the last thing you care about.
Take help if you can get it, especially if you end up with a c-section. If you have a c-section you don’t really have the option not to take the help because there is a bunch of stuff you can’t do for a few weeks (vacuum being on the top of the list, the back and forth/twist motion is really bad for the recovering tissues, it can rip out stitches). Everyone wants to help the new mom so take it, even if it’s just the neighbor holding the baby for a while so you can take a shower, do it.
Heh, heh – Ditto on the knowing v. experiencing. I was the oldest of a very large family, and had much baby experience helping out and observing my mother, so I thought I was well-prepared. And in sense, I was, in that I didn’t freak out about various strange things babies do. What a shock I was in for! There’s a big difference between helping out with siblings and being the one in charge all night long! And yeah, I hear you on that non-stop nursing. It’s really something.
Everyone is recommending “Sleep when the baby sleeps”, but I would add…..only sleep if that energizes YOU. If picking up your house and preparing dinner energizes you, do that instead. Often I’d try to sleep when my baby slept (because others told me to) and I’d lay there getting frustrated because I couldn’t fall asleep right away. I’d get up a half hour later with the baby and be mad because not only did I not sleep, but the dishes were still dirty! 🙂 It took me awhile to figure out that I needed to do what was right for me. (I can be a slow learner!!)
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All this to say……do what works for YOU. You are a unique creation, as is your baby, so take others’ advice but filter it through what works for you and your family.
I know this has been said, but I’m going to reiterate it. If you don’t already have young mother friends find some. I have a 9 month old, and have felt very isolated and lonely to the point that I was quite depressed and angry. You can’t just be at home by yourself all the time. You don’t have to lose your non-mom friends, but you need people on your schedule who understand what your life is. Try out numerous groups if necessary. I had to go to a few until I found a mom’s group where their schedules, and people fit in with what I wanted and needed. Good luck, and while it’s hard to adjust it’s soooo wonderful!!
Don’t read too many parenting books; trust the instincts God gave you!
Or too many parenting websites 🙂
Lower your expectations. Soak up that little bundle as much as possible. Use paper plates and silverware. I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years (#4 is due this spring) and it has been the most wonderful time of my life! Try to get outside every day, even if its really cold. Newborns are wonderfully portable for the first several weeks, so enjoy it!
Hopefully you have some kind of support system now either family, friends, church, etc. We got meals from friends for the first couple weeks and I don’t know how we would have survived without them. My other advice is don’t be afraid to let trusted family or friends babysit for a few hours- just so you can get out of the house or get a shower!
Don’t isolate yourself. Find friends. Keep in touch. Accept help when it’s offered to you (if they really didn’t want to help, then they wouldn’t have offered!). And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Rest when you can. Remember that no one can be Super Mom and do everything all at once.
When people offer to help, make a mental note and give them the opportunity to minister to you. Maybe even have a mental list of things people/family could help with. (I remembered how helpful it would have been to have someone run errands in the car with me so I could leave the baby in the car for those 5 minute stops or maybe it is offering to come over for an hour so you can take a walk, etc). So many husbands feel left out after a child is born, particularly if you nurse, so let him do things like bathe the child. You don’t need all the gadgets. Don’t worry if you don’t shower for 3 days. Keep date nights with your husband and leave the baby with someone else, even if the baby will sleep the whole time. Don’t count on your husband to fill your cup – losing the adult interaction will probably affect you more than you realize, so make sure you have some other outlets.
Also, if you’re even remotely OCD about anything, the ‘sleep when he sleeps’ advice will do you no good. Find a brand of coffee you like and always keep some in your house. Your ‘mommy breaks’ will be even more important if you find you can’t nap on command. However, if he falls asleep in your arms & he’s secure, that’s one of the best naps you’ll ever take!
I agree! I know some people say that was the best advice they ever got, but it was the worst for me. I’m a horrible napper and it just made me frustrated to try. Figure out what works for you, advice is not one size fits all.
The “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice only served to make me feel guilty all the time when I played on the computer rather than napping. I would revise the advice to say – do whatever you want when the baby naps! If that means napping, great. But if you’re like me and others who can’t nap on command, then just sit back and relax. Or if cleaning the kitchen makes you happier, by all means do that!
Treasure the tiny moments. I’ve taken fun songs from the radio & turned them into baby songs. I look & sound like a complete idiot in the grocery store, but he loves it & I’d jump off a bridge if I thought it would make him smile. You’d think my baby was the 1st baby in the history of babies to ever laugh at their mom doing something crazy. You’ll feel the same way about at least one normal thing your baby does. Because he’s not normal. He’s EXTRAORDINARY.
I so agree! I still sing everywhere with my 3 year old. We have all kinds of silly private songs 🙂 and I know what you mean, I feel that way about both my sons, they are the most amazing, awesome children and I know its what all kids do but I feel like they are the smartest kids ever when they hit their milestones!
I base my parenting on what I see in the elderly. Let me explain. I have never ever ever heard someone who is 80 say they held their children too much or spent too much time with them. I have heard the opposite and a lot of regret.
You cannot hold a baby too much. You cannot sit there and gaze into their adorable face too much. Just follow your instinct and your gut and ignore the one size fits all approach in parenting books. No one will know your baby as well as you will and you know what is best. Enjoy your little one!
As far as being a SAHM instead of working…. Right now lower your expectations. If your house is spotless when your baby is a month old you either have a maid or you aren’t spending enough time with your baby. It is ok to let things go that are not really important for the important things that will not last forever. This is the time to bond and to nurture and to enjoy your little one. This is a REALLY short time in the overall timeline of your life. There will be time for those other things eventually…
A few practical things. A baby carrier that allows you to wear your baby is a lifesaver. I’ve loved my moby wrap, mei tai, and ergo during different stages of babyhood. This way I could hold and nurture my babies while getting a few things done here and there. It also was the only way I could grocery shop. Find friends or join a moms group. It’ll help keep you sane while you’re home all day with no grown up conversation (that once a week get together is a real lifeline) and it’ll help you realize everything your baby is doing is normal.
Within the last year, I did the same thing–went from part-time worker to SAHM. Regarding the work-work to baby-work and the resulting financial changes, you and your dh need to discuss/plan about how, where, and when to spend (or give) your money (the less-than-we-had-before money he is probably now mostly earning, but you are still having a say in spending on three people instead of two). Also, if you are planning to work a little bit, make sure you have the support you need to do so: support for meeting the needs of the baby and support for meeting the needs of you.
Like so many have mentioned, cherish your new baby. Stop and just be. Relish the wonderful experience of having this new little being into existence.
When the dishes pile up, when the floors need swept, vacuumed, picked up, when the bathtub needs scrub…remember there will be time for that one day…but for this season; you are raising a child(ren), you will be busy raising your baby, not raising your house, so all that can wait.
I want my children to remember the time I had with them and not that I was too busy keeping house. (don’t get me wrong we are not slobs, there are days, lol, but things are not as spotless as they were before kids).
I consider my family to be my ministry. Pour that love into them! 😀
If you are not already doing it, start living on just your hubby’s income now. Realize that the first 4-6 weeks are about survival for everyone. You’ll have to let some things go in the beginning as you get into the swing of things. Your house will never be as clean but it is all so worth it.
It is the greatest decision you will ever make! Here is my list of advice:
1. Don’t beat yourself up if you have days where you don’t love it. The newborn days can be challenging.
2. Aceept help if family and friends offer anything.
3. Have a fellow mom-girlfriend you can call and talk to. Even when I had awful days that I wanted to cry, I felt so much better being able to lean on a fellow mom. We would end up laughing about a bad day.
4. Make yourself get out of the house. Join a playdate group. I agree that a MOPS group is a great idea.
5. Keep up with a hobby or interest you may have. Don’t lose yourself.
Take care of yourself! The “baby blues” are normal, but should be time limited. If you have ever had a bout of depression or have a family history of depression, be especially careful to get as much rest as possible.
I think every new mom should try to get out of the house EVERY day – even for a short walk with your baby, or a cup of coffee with a neighbor.
Dress comfortably, but do get dressed! Even if it’s sweats and a T shirt, make sure you have clean clothes on, maybe a swipe of lipgloss, and clean, brushed hair. And yes, you do have the right to take a quick shower every day!
Most of all, enjoy that wondrous mini human who will rock your world forever!
This is what saved me each time! When I didn’t get out, I felt myself falling into the black hole. Even if you don’t shower, put on some clean clothes every morning. Wearing your pjs all day puts you in the wrong mindset for handling what your day will throw at you.
Think of the first 6 weeks as baby boot camp. You’re going to be more tired than you’ve ever been and it feels kinda surreal. Don’t make the same (mistaken) assumption I did and think that you will have all this free time as a SAHM to tackle all those untended household projects. I’m just now getting to some of those now that my son started Kindergarten. 🙂 It’s ok to think of making it to the grocery store as a big day (bonus points if you showered first). Take advantage of all friends and family who offer to help – they mean it and you should use it! I was so intent on looking like I could handle it all, I didn’t let my Mom do enough during her stay with us.
Enjoy your baby because too soon you’ll find yourself missing that downy baby hair and baby scent. OH – and definately do park next to cart corrals every time!
I think the best advice someone gave me was that the first 6 months were just about survival. Do what you can to survive, do what you can to sleep, do what you can to at least eat something for every meal. After 6 weeks, things start to relax a little (for most people, at least for us it did!). Your baby will start to figure things out. 6 weeks and under, it’s like combat training. 🙂
This is SUCH a great time in your life. Realize that there will be days that you look around and feel like you’ve accomplished NOTHING but remember you kept your baby alive and yourself sane and that is enough 🙂 There will be other days that you feel like you’ve got it all covered. I would recommend “trying out” moms group until you find one that fits. I had a plan in my head of exactly what kind of mother I was going to be….then I had the baby and that all went out the window. Do what’s right for your family and don’t let yourself feel judged for your choices. I think you’ll find that most parents are supportive of whatever choices you make, even if their’s are different. There is no one right way to parent so just because you do it differently than others doesn’t make them right and you wrong……as long as our kids are happy, healthy and safe we can ALL be right! 🙂 My husband and I often refer to parenting as the GREAT EXPERIMENT because you won’t really know if you did it right for 20-30 years 😉 Good luck, get rest when you can and learn to type with one hand (not that I’m doing that right now or anything)
I have a 7 month old, and I definitely agree with all of this, especially about your parenting plan going out the window. I used to to be a really great mom before I had a kid! But now that my baby is actually here, I do some things differently than I had planned, but that’s ok!
My advice:
Those first few weeks are such an emotional whirlwind. It’s exhausting and relentless, but you just keep going because you really have no choice! Get as much help as you can, whether from family and friends or a postpartum doula (mine was invaluable). Join a moms group as soon as you can. Try to get out every day, even if it’s just for a walk around the block. If you are planning on going somewhere the next day, get everything ready to go the night before so you can get out the door faster. Use you baby’s awake time to play with him, instead of trying to catch up on chores. Enjoy every minute of snuggle time, it goes by too fast!
I am one of those moms who was in denial about having post partum depression.I had a very very small version but the best thing you can do to prevent it is to agree with your husband about carving out a mommy break.Take a 30 minute time out each day whether it’s to shower or just sit there, I guarantee it will help your entire family. I also cannot stress enough that if someone offers you any help with feeding,changing,laundry dishes etc. take it. A happy mom makes for a happy baby. Congratulations!
I want to second about the postpartum depression, since I had a baby five months ago and have dealt with it in a HUGE way (and am still dealing with it). Concerning this and other problems you may encounter (health, breastfeeding, etc), I encourege you to SEEK help and don’t get wrapped up in comparing yourself to other moms or some standard what you think you should be living up to. Even though having a baby is a blessing, it’s okay if it’s not the greatest time in your life and you’re really struggling. I sincerely hope you don’t have to deal with postpartum depression, but don’t be like me and just ignore it and try to do it all on your own.
I shed many tears with my first born. He had colic and I couldn’t get him to fall asleep. My mom had to come over nightly for a week and tuck both of us in!
The only thing I would add to what’s already been said is join Flylady.net if you need any extra help getting a routine in place… she’s been a lifesaver to me, first when I was working full time, and secondly, as a SAHM, it has DEF helped me keep up on things.
I find that when I fall off the “flylady wagon” that is when I feel rushed and overwhelmed, and everything starts to feel like its unraveling.
I am one of those moms who was in denial about having post partum depression.I had a very very small version but the best thing you can do to prevent it is to agree with your husband about carving out a mommy break.Take a 30 minute time out each day whether it’s to shower or just sit there, I guarantee it will help your entire family. I also cannot stress enough that if someone offers you any help with feeding,changing,laundry dishes etc. take it. hello mmm mmmHappy
The best advice I received and still believe is the best: sleep when baby sleeps! The more rested you are the less stressed you feel about housework, etc. Also, yes, embrace flexibility and lower any expectations you may have for spending time on anything besides caring for baby. Have fun- what an awesome time you are entering- getting ready/and having my first child was one of the best times of my life!
I am a full time worker turned stay at home mom, and I have to say enjoy the this time. The dishes can wait, enjoy that new little bundle of joy! The best advice I have is to give dad and baby a daily task that is just theirs. For example, dad gives baby a bath every night, or reads to him every night. This is a great way to give baby and dad time to bond. Welcome to motherhood it is like nothing you have every experienced, and it is great!
Do make sure you get out of the house by yourself for at least a couple hours a week. For me being a stay at home mom to a 17 month old and a 7 month old, me time is far and few between. So, I take the opportunity to at least do the shopping by myself. I stop and treat myself to a latte, and a few minutes sitting in the sun. Then take my time wandering the isles.
Its the little things, from now on!
Get involved in a local MOPS group – you’ll be so encouraged and meet new moms in your same stage in life. http://www.mops.org
I second this whole heartedly. I didn’t join a local MOPS group until after my son was 1 and what a difference it has made. That first year I felt very lonely and felt as if the days were SO long. I loved my baby so much, but there are days when you won’t speak to another adult all day. If you are having a hard time or second-guessing your decisions, having a support group is key. I love my husband to pieces and he is a great father, but there are some times I just need friends who are going through similar situations to talk to. It has truly been a lifesaver to expand my social circle.
If you can’t find a MOPS group, ask around for other mommy groups. I never really met anyone in any mommy and me classes, but I got to know friends of friends with kids, invited myself to park playdates that I saw on Facebook (yes, I invited myself!). You may just need to put yourself out there.
Establish a routine as soon as you can! Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen right away, but the sooner you develop some kind of order to your day and you and your baby know what to expect, everyone will be more relaxed.
Take care of yourself! Exercise if you can, get out of the house, put the baby in the car and go through the Starbucks drive-thru. Do something for yourself. It’s so easy to go through a day and never once think about yourself, let alone squeeze in a shower. Find the simple things that make you feel more relaxed and do those religiously.
Most of all, rock your baby, because babies don’t keep. Congratulations!
Enjoy your baby. You’ll never look back on the years your kids were at home and say, “i wish I had kept a cleaner house.” you hear it all the time, but it’s so true that the time passes too quickly. Enjoy the biring everyday stuff.
there is truly nothing that will prepare you for this new journey. you can have an idea in your mind of what it will be like, but i can guarantee, real life will be much different. i left my job when i had my son 2 1/2 years ago, and i have never regretted it. enjoyed every minute, no, and an easy road, no. but there is no job in the world that i would trade for hearing my son tell me, “you’re my best fwiend, mama!”
find people who understand. people who get just as frustrated as you do when someone tells you, “i’d love to sit at home all day instead of going to work!” people who know that this job is the most important one you will ever have. make sure your husband knows that the baby will be your job for awhile. just because you are home all the time doesn’t mean that you will always have the laundry done or a hot meal on the table as soon as he walks in from work. and that when he gets home, you may need a little break, too.
your baby will be like no other baby on the planet, and you will be a mother like no other on the planet. no book can teach you how to be a mother or how to best parent your child. find what works for you and your baby.
these days will not last forever, both a good thing and a bad thing. you will get through the bad days and you will want to remember the good ones. treasure every single moment, even changing the diapers and getting spit up on! as i tell my friends, being a stay at home mom doesn’t pay much, but the benefits are amazing!
blessings on you and your family!
I was soo not prepared for motherhood, I thought it would be a piece of cake! I was also very judgemental–boy did that come back to bite me! The only REAL advice I have is-MOTHERHOOD IS THE HARDEST JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE!! Try not to be too hard on yourself and realize there WILL be days you are not enjoying it–its normal, but no one ever seems to be honest about it. Enjoy your time, it goes by sooo fast! Congrats 🙂
Jen, I’m with you! Nobody ever gave me a clue about how hard motherhood would be! I was the youngest of 2 children, and my (limited amount of) babysitting experience was with children who were toddlers and older.
I can remember a day when my son (who will turn 2 next month) was about 2 months old. I had decided to have company for the 1st time since he had been born, and he cried and screamed and wailed. All. Day. Long. While I was trying to get my dirty house ready for company. About an hour before our guests were to come, he was in his crib screaming instead of taking a nap. I went into the bathroom, sank down onto the rug, and bawled my eyes out because I hated my life and wished that I’d never had a baby.
But I survived, and things got better, and now I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
All the other moms have given such great advice. Definitely want to echo the sentiments to cherish your baby and continue to CHOOSE gratitude even in the hardest moments. For me, the newborn months are HARD but in hindsight (I have a 2 yr old and 1 yr old) they go so fast. I also agree that you should feel completely confident in saying you are a sahm. Only listen to the voices that matter in this regard. And finally, I would guess you have a few things that you KNOW you want to implement with your baby (maybe a certain way to feed, sleep train, schedule, etc.) and that is ok, but always realize that sometimes you just learn as you go and as you get to know your baby better – so it’s ok to change what you may have initially planned if it’s not working for your family.
Oh and one last thing, some babies cry a lot, and when you are with him/her 24/7 it can wear on you. It is not a reflection of poor parenting (except in obvious cases of neglect, etc). It’s ok to ask hubby or mom or whoever to takeover while you take a shower or get coffee to catch a moment of silence. 🙂 ENJOY!
My biggest advice is to give yourself some grace and let go of the little things! As a new parent, there will be times when you will feel like a complete failure…and times you will feel you have things under control (after the routine gets settled at least 🙂 ) Things don’t have to be perfect, your house doesn’t have to be spotless, and dinner doesn’t have to be gourmet.
Love your baby, support your husband, and realize that the little things are really just little things. Try to enjoy every second with your baby; he will be a toddler before you know it! Even in the “why is he still crying” times that are enough to pull your hair out, remind yourself that your only priority right now is being there and loving him.
VERY TRUE 🙂
Most of all, congratulations! What a special time in your life. Don’t over think it. Organization is wonderful and necessary and I think that you are well prepared. Frozen/easy meals are key and you sound like you have that covered. Be ready for the unexpected…a perfectly calm baby or a perfectly cranky one or a perfectly perfect one! They are all perfect in different ways. Babys don’t go by books, so we can’t either. Reference, yes, by the book, no. I learned the hard way. My one and only piece of advice, if you are planning to breastfeed, please, please get all the help you need. If you have unanswered questions go to kellymom.com. The best resource out there. Otherwise, enjoy every tired moment and love that baby up. Congratulations!
Ditto to kellymom.com! After a really rough start, they saved breastfeeding for me and my daughter. I honestly never anticipated that it could be hard and I felt like a failure as a mother when we couldn’t get it at first. So thankful for this website and the great start it helped me give my little girl!
I agree with all that has been said so far!! The only thing I would add is to have hobby you can do. There will be down times when you just don’t know what to do with yourself (sounds crazy, I know, but I have 5 kids). For myself, without a hobby, I’d have lost my mind and I would have had times of feeling very unproductive (housework just doesnt give me the satisfaction it does others LOL!) which can lead to depression. Make sure it’s not an expensive hobby, you might eventually find that you are making things for gifts to save money, then start selling things to earn money. That’s happened to me 🙂 Best wishes for you!
Have at LEAST one hobby! You don’t even have to know how to do it now. I took gardening classes when my first child was a year old, before we even had a garden. 8 years later, I have six children and I’m TEACHING gardening classes and giving tours of my garden!
In addition, I knew how to sew–some–before my oldest was born. It took moments of naptime for me to learn how to be a better seamstress, but over these last few years I have learned a lot and gained a lot in experience. I have learned new hand-embroidery stitches, too, that I never could master when I was younger. Even better, I have small people for which to sew, and their clothes are generally loose-fitting, so any mistakes you make are easily hidden 🙂 Plus, you get to embroider fun things on your children’s clothing 🙂
I also poured over cookbooks (and now you can look at food blogs for free!) and tried new recipes, and learned to be a better cook.
Lastly, I’ve tried to be a better photographer. I want to take great pictures of my children. Now that I don’t have to buy film and pay for devolping, I can practice as much as I want! (I love digital cameras!)
Always be learning and creating. It will keep you happy, give you a sense of accomplishment, challenge you, and just be fun!
Even more so, I would say MAKE downtime to have a hobby that is “yours”. Personally, I love to sing, and so I joined a choir when my first was about 1 year old. Now my husband stays home alone with the kids one night a week while I go to choir practice, and we find a babysitter when the choir has a concert, so that hubby can come listen. 🙂
I agree with Anitra. If you are breast feeding invest in a pump and make sure you take some time for yourself. This allows your husband to bond with the baby and allows you some time to refill. I would suggest doing something away from the house so that you don’t get drawn into cleaning or taking care of your precious little one. I might suggest meeting with some of your former co-workers every once in awhile so it isn’t like you lost all contact with other adults.
I don’t know if you are a woman of faith or not, but the organization “Above Rubies” has been HUGELY encouraging to me in my recent transition to being a SAHM. (www.aboverubies.org) They have lots of information on every topic imaginable! I have 2 that are 2 yo and 8 months, and just recently came home from my teaching job. I’m working really hard to follow a routine (NOT a schedule, see Money Saving Mom’s “Time Management 101” ebook!!), set a few goals for each week, and know that my job right now is to raise my children. Someday, my house will be spotless (maybe…), but I didn’t come home to have a cleaner house. I’m home to care for my children and to raise them. So, at the end of the day, if I have not gotten much more than feeding them, cleaning them, reading to them, and teaching them, I have fulfilled my purpose for this season of my life! Realize that everything is only for a season…even those miserable 2 AM feedings! (Check out “Babywise: Giving your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep”!!)
I also recommend Babywise. Great principles. My dtr is almost 3 and my son is 10 mos, and they are both great sleepers. We did not follow the book word for word, but getting in a eat-wake-sleep cycle is the best thing in the world. It helps everyone know what comes next at any given time of the day. Use it as a roadmap, and you will find a beautiful rythym to your days.
Babywise helped us a lot too, but like you said, Sarah, we didn’t follow it word for word – but the principles were incredibly helpful.
I would 100% agree. Baby Wise is a pretty basic concept but if you follow it, you and baby will be happier. My daughter was sleeping through the night (11pm – 6am) at eight weeks. It was glorious that we got this figured out before I had to go back to work.
I also highly suggest Babywise…when your baby (and, by extension, YOU) are able to get into a good sleeping routine, I promise that everything else goes more smoothly and you have the energy you need to enjoy your new baby.
I live in a neighborhood full of families and many of them STILL complain about how their children are poor sleepers, and these children are in elementary school now. Yikes.
Us too! Basic principle of eat-play-sleep and 2 good sleepers 6 and 3.5 years later.
I would caution you *strongly* against Babywise. Infants are not designed to sleep through the night; they need nourishment every few hours. Also, a baby’s cries indicate that something is wrong. Babywise encourages parents to ignore those cries/cues.
As a mother, listen to *your* heart. It’s great to read a lot of books about parenting and listen to the stories of others, but you have to find your own way, because every baby/child is different.
Andrea: If you carefully read Babywise, they will teach you to LEARN the crying cues of your child! They DO NOT encourage parents to IGNORE cries/cues!! Please go back to the book (if you have it or have even read it) and RE-READ the section on crying!! By 6-8 weeks of age, babies ARE able and have been designed (by God!) to sleep for 5-6 hours at a time! For most new moms, getting 5-6 hours of continuous sleep would give them new confidence in this skill of motherhood.
The principles taught in Babywise are those mentioned above: eat-wake-sleep cycles.
I DO NOT intend for this post to be inflammatory, however I DO *strongly* caution YOU against making posts when you are not familiar w/ the content.
Every mom has to make their own decisions, and they will live w/ the decisions they make. I was just providing ONE RESOURCE that I have found to give me confidence in my decision making.
Ditto! Babywise gets a bad rap usually by people who decide to take more of an attachment parenting style. I personally don’t believe that either of those is ‘more correct’ or ‘godly’ but that a lot of it depends on the lifestyle and environment/patterns you want to establish in your home. Neither (IMO) is more or less loving than the other. I just wanted to agree with Jean that Babywise is not all about just letting your baby cry or not feeding them…it’s about establishing routines (though not rigid – and ALWAYS sensitive to the needs of the baby, whether hungry, tired, etc.). It will definitely help your baby become a good sleeper but not a perfect one most likely. Mine still took until 8 months to start sleeping 12 hrs per night, though many do much sooner. But really it has saved my sanity to have an idea what kind of sleep babies really need. 🙂 Whatever you decide, base it on the habits you want to set for your kids/family and obviously also where the Lord leads.
Can you quote the scripture that says babies are designed to sleep six hours in a stretch at six weeks old? Ezzo might say it, but I’ve never read that in the Bible.
I’m happy to read that you’ve listened to your own heart and been flexible with Babywise. Sadly, many parents are too rigid with Ezzo’s teachings; they allow books to cloud their trust in themselves and to distract them from God’s word.
I have read Babywise several times and discussed it at length with others. I’ve also compared older editions to the new ones. The wording in the older versions is much more strict (and they seem to be the ones likely to be found at thrift stores and yard sales). It also seems to depend on the mindset of the reader; some see Ezzo’s recommendations as guidelines and suggestions, while others see them as concrete rules that have to be followed.
I have to chime in here that my first child slept through the night IN THE HOSPITAL and I was made to feel like a “bad mom” because she went 6+ hours without breastfeeding. For months afterward, I woke her up in the middle of the night because according to the doctors, “she can’t go that long without nursing”. Well, she COULD and would have been if I hadn’t been waking her up.
My second, now… that’s another story. At 9 months old, he still wakes up at 11pm and 5am most of the time.
Best advice is to go with the flow. If you are tired, and baby is sleeping, sleep. I did not heed that advice and paid for it dearly many days. If family or friends offer to stay awake while you rest the first few days, please take them up on that offer. Your body will thank you, as will your “Mommy Brain.”
Organization is a great tool. Keep things where you need then, so that when you need them they are ready to go.
Also, you don’t need every gadget sold for a baby. Actually, the simpler the better. Remember, these days are fleeting, as Crystal stated above. A bed for the baby, whether a pack ‘n play like I used from infancy to age 2 or a crib, is primary, as is a safe area to change diapers. We loved our bouncy seat, and later the swing. Pick the simplest and easiest to clean high chair you can find. Mine had all kind of areas for food to hid and was impossible to clean after each meal!
If you will be on a budget, local consignment stores can be your best place to shop for clothing (often brand name is available, and in good shape because how long do they really wear it before they outgrow it?).
Most of all, enjoy the days of babyhood, as they do pass ever so quickly. Take pictures, enjoy family time, and love that bundle of joy with all your heart…you will never regret it!
I definitely say a routine is the most important – it is difficult to get a newborn on a routine but well worth the effort. And the best advice given to me when I was a new mom – sleep when baby sleeps! Don’t worry about all the things that aren’t getting done (dishes, laundry, house cleaning, etc.) – if baby is sleeping, mommy should be sleeping especially in the very beginning! Good luck, congrats on the new baby and welcome to motherhood – the best job in the world!
The BIGGEST thing for me was a change in perception. I REALLY had to change my way of thinking from a 24 hour day, w/ nighttime for sleep and daytime for doing awake-type things. Once I retrained my mind to think in 2-3 hour bursts (i.e. the amount of time b/t feedings), it was MUCH easier. In one burst, I might feed baby and eat breakfast, in the next burst I’d feed baby and nap, in another I’d feed baby and shower, in another I’d feed baby and cook (part of) dinner. Somehow, reworking to THAT kind of thinking made each day a little easier…or at least not so overwhelming! (This will probably make a LOT more sense after baby arrives!)
Wow, if this isn’t true!
YEP!!
I had twins when my son was almost 2 years old. And I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t change my perception. Once we got into a routine, they would only sleep for 45 minute incriments and one would always start the nap sooner than the other. I struggled and struggled to get their naptimes synchronized better. When I finally gave up and accepted that this is my current reality, I was a lot happier. I got things done here and there in those short bursts. And I was caring for and spending time with my children.
So, don’t have a specific expectation of what your routine will be. Every child and parent are different. Sometimes, you have to go with the flow and be flexible.
The best thing I did was never count how much sleep I got ( or missed the night before). I realized it did me no good to calculate or think about it- just enjoy the time- it goes so fast. And sleep whenever the baby does!!
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t love it all. It’s normal.
If you plan on breastfeeding, get a bunch of books out of the library! Reading always helped me not feel so bored.
Always park next to the shopping cart corrals!
I agree. Park next to the shopping cart corral. My husband hates that I do this, but he has no idea how much energy I save.
Personally, I think those spots should be saved for parents with small children.
Agreed…and they should always leave one or two carts in the corral.
Oh, I know! It seems like they’re constantly out collecting the carts! Usually I can find a corral with one in it, but it’s frustrating sometimes. My husband made a comment too about parking near the corral but it makes it so much easier. 🙂
My mom gave me that advice when I became a new mom, and I think it’s the best advice I’ve gotten thus far as a parent!
I definitely agree!! I ALWAYS park there….besides being next to the carts, I can safely let my older boys stand between the car and corral without having to worry about a car pulling in/out next to us while I get the baby out of the car. Great advice 🙂
I do this as well! So much easier than dealing with a giant stroller system I see so many others struggling with.
On a related note, there’s a grocery chain near me that has spots for parents with babies. I can’t even begin to tell you how many parents without babies park in those spots. Makes me absolutely furious! I’ve seen a broad spectrum of people parking there–teens, thirty-somethings, the handicapped–but the absolute worst is when another parent who has an empty car seat (or two!) pulls in. You’d think they’d be most likely to respect those spots. Sorry, but this has been bugging me for a long time, and I had to vent!
While visiting my mom in Houston this summer I spotted similar parking spots at H.E.B. – very cool!
Also if you plan to breast feed find a support network now! MANY nurses, doctors, hospitals ( not to mention “helpful” friends/family) will not or can’t ( due to lack of knowledge) be supportive. My first was super easy to BF and took right to it. We never had a single problem. I thought I was an expert. Then came #2. bleeding nipples, infections, colic, weight loss, you name it! If I hadn’t had super support and helpful advice I never would gave survived week1! I would have spent hundreds on formula when I just needed some simple help. It may be ” natural” but so is childbirth and who wants to do that totally alone?
My favorite saying about parenting is “The days may be long but the years are short.” Some days are going to be rough. Some days you will wonder what ever possessed you to have a child. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is a used as a torture technique. Those days will seem to stretch out for months. Try to get to bed early. The housework will wait for you, don’t worry too much about it. On your death bed are you going to care that you didn’t do the dishes? I bet not But you will care if you miss the first time your child rolls over, sits up, crawls, walks, etc. My daughter will be 5 next month and I seriously have no idea how that happened. I never understood before having her how fast time can pass. I try to make time everyday to cherish my child… she will never be this age again. So what if my sink is full of dirty dishes? Speaking of which, it may just be easier to use paper plates! 😉
Depending on if you have mom friends yet, you might go ahead and check out meetup.com because meetup has helped us find good activities and feedback from other mothers with experience.
I agree with all of Crystal’s advice, and want to share a story. I only have 1 so far, and he’ll be 2 in less than a month.
When he was about 1-1/2 months old (near Christmastime), my parents were coming for a visit. They were arriving Thursday afternoon, and I had been teaching piano lessons that morning (at the time, I had about 15 students) and was dreadfully behind on all of my housework. I had just an hour to clean the house, fold the laundry, do the mountain of dishes, plus probably a dozen other things before they got here.
Then I looked at my baby and realized that it had been DAYS since I’d taken the time to just sit and rock him. Yes, I nursed him; yes, I took good care of him, but I was always too busy to just sit and love on him. So I did. I sat in the rocking chair and cuddled him for the next hour until my parents got here.
And you know what? It was ok. My mom helped me with my dishes later, and I dusted and vacuumed the next day while she held the baby, and everything worked out.
And you know what else? It was wonderful! Even now, almost 2 years later, I look back at that afternoon and am SO thankful that I chose to put my baby above my to-do list.
So my advice is this: Of course you have to keep up with everything, and you’ll be exhausted and overwhelmed at times, but those “stolen” moments with your baby are what you’ll remember and treasure in the years to come.
Your mama heart is wise. 🙂
This reminded me of a saying I’ve heard, and my sis-in-law had on a plaque in their nursery: “Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up I’ve learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.” When I googled it once, there’s a whole lot more to it, but that’s the only part I have memorized.
“A Song for the Fifth Child”
I love that poem! Here it is:
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Dr. Oz said Omega-3 helps with the “mommy fog”.
I echo all that was said, and want to add, from the prospective of a stay at home mom of 17 years: it was the best time of my life, hands down and without doubt. The financial struggles were for real; and they were worth it. My children are grown now and I miss those days more than you can imagine. I was so lucky.
The first days with my first newborn and no longer working were surreal. It was like I was on vacation and would be returning; but as time goes on you get used to it.. and routine comes pretty naturally with a newborn and is so important. One of the best parts? The realization that hey, I don’t have to go to work tomorrow!!
Don’t be ashamed of your new role. There are many times where people don’t know what to say to me when I don’t have a “real” job. I have a 4 year degree and I CHOOSE to stay at home with my child because I have the rest of my life to work. I actually have to pay $180 each month to stay at home with her. (I’m still paying off my student loan) They are only going to be small for so long. My husband actually feels bad somedays because he misses out on so much. Keep a video camera close so you can capture some of those great moments to share with him later. Mainly my advice was be proud of your new role. Don’t let other peoples judgments ever take hold of you.
I agree with you! I have a BA and choose to be a SAHM. There’s nothing like it in the world! I’m kind of in the opposite boat as far as people’s opinions, though. I’ve heard several friends comment in the past few months that they hate having to go to work and wish that they could stay home with their kids.
I had to laugh at your post. I have a degree and I too, “pay” to stay at home with my daughter because os student loansl I had planned on going back to work up until the Friday before. We knew I could stay at home but I worked hard for that degree and I was determined to do both. I haven’t been to work in four years now (aside from gigs, I’m a musician). If I have any advice for this girl getting ready to stay at home, it is to not lose yourself. It’s so easy to wake up and realize that your hair is awful, you are tired, you haven’t done anything for yourself in months, you don’t feel like cooking, etc. If there is something that you enjoy, don’t stop doing it. It’s so easy as a sahm to get caught up in a new life but totally forget about our own!
I have a Masters degree and quit my job last month to stay home with my two kids.
Me too! I have a Master’s Degree (Art Education) I’ve been home for two years now with my two kids. I loved teaching, but there’s no place I’d rather be. 🙂
I’m another one who has a degree and stays at home. I was actually halfway through my junior year when my daughter was born and always got a kick out of people’s reactions when they asked my plans after graduation (I went on to finish because I had financial aid to pay for it) and I told them I was going to stay home with my daughter. My advisor didn’t know what to do with me 🙂
My daughter is three and we’re now contemplating having a 2nd baby. If we do, I will be a SAHM even though I currently make more money than my husband and my career (I’m a CPA) is more stable than my husband’s (he’s a project manager for a general contractor).
I would echo the advice given here about everything but especially about being proud to be a SAHM. Motherhood is BY FAR the hardest “job” anyone could ever have. The pay is lousy but the perks – smiles, hugs, “I love you, Mommy”, and kisses make it worth it!
Good luck to you and God bless.
Yep, I totally agree with you ladies. Being a stay-at-home-mom is a big decision and one that often goes unappreciated and unvalidated by our culture. The thing that has really stuck in my mind is the idea of LEGACY! The way we raise and impact our children is the biggest legacy for Christ that we can leave. I, too, have a Master’s degree that I’m paying off, and I love my job as a teacher. However, I’m pretty sure no one puts your degree or your occupation on your tombstone, you know? For me, it’s about what really matters from an eternal perspective.
This is such an important point to remember if you are someone with a degree who has been working outside of the home. I have a JD and worked as an attorney for 4 years before we had our firstborn. While I always knew I would stay home with our kids before we ever had any (and my husband is in agreement), it was still very hard to go from my organized office life to the life of mom to a terribly colicky, non-sleeping baby. What can make it worse is if you listen to those outside (or even internal) voices (and believe me, they will find you!) that tell you you are “wasting” your degree. What I needed to focus on was why i was doing this in the first place – no matter how much money I could make, possessions I could accumulate, or prestige I could gain through my former job, nothing would compare to the eternal value of raising precious souls to know and love Christ.
Honestly…I don’t know that you can fully prepare. I think almost everyone gets a sort of crash course as a first time parent, lol. However…the one thing I can stress most, after being a sahm for 2 years is to enjoy them, as often as possible. Cherish every moment and have FUN. No one is the perfect parent, so it’s crazy to try to be. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s tough being a sahm, I won’t lie. There are days when I want to just lay in the floor and cry after dealing with a demanding two year old all day long. However, those moments are far outweighed by the great ones. What I recently realized, after two years of trying to be everything to everyone was this : One day I will have a spotless organized home. One day I will cook everything from scratch. One day…when my son’s not two. Now is the time for me to be chasing rainbows, examining earthworms, jumping in leaves,and chasing butterflies. I know that one day I’ll be sitting in my perfectly organized home and wishing myself back to these messy, crazy, wonderful days.
Becoming a new parent is such an amazing, exciting thing!
Congratulations on making such an important and wonderful decision, and best of luck!
Well said!!!
Thank you! Someday I’ll be there too!
Beautifully put and so true.
Very well said! Thank you!!
Amen, and amen. So, so true!
Well said! Right on the money.
Get a slow cooker and enjoy hearty and healthy meals without the stress of getting dinner together. You’ll have more time to cherish the new baby! If you need healthy options check out the ‘healthy crock pot options’ Facebook page for delish ideas. Congratulations!