I feel like I’ve gotten off track on our finances and I need input on how to get back on track. We had very little income for the beginning three months of this year, but we did really well at pinching pennies despite the financial struggles. Now that work is a little more steady for my husband, I feel like I’ve had some psychological thing going on where I feel justified spending a little more since we have a more steady income.
I am by no means going crazy, but I have splurged on this and that ($25 here for stuff we really didn’t need, $25 there for a “good deal”). I just need to bring myself back to what really makes me feel good and what I feel pleases God: Living within our means, giving back, and saving money for the future.
Do you have any encouragement or suggestions? -Leah
1. Stop Beating Yourself Up
First off, Leah, I want to encourage you to stop beating yourself up. Wallowing in the feeling of failure does nothing to move you forward.
2. Have a Heart-To-Heart Talk About Your Goals
Instead, I encourage you to sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart talk about your financial goals and goals for your family in general.
3. Come To a Mutual Agreement
Where do you hope to be in a year from now or five years now? Communicate about your goals, compromise when necessary, and come to mutual agreement.
4. Break Your Goals Down Into Bite-Sized Pieces
Then break your big goals down into bite-sized pieces so that you have monthly, weekly, and even daily goals to work toward together. This will give you momentum for being creative when it comes to your finances and will give you purpose for cutting costs and living frugally.
5. Make Sure You Budget for Strategic Splurging
Make sure that you include some wiggle room in your budget, if you can wing it (and it sounds like you can). Budgeting a small amount of personal spending money or blow money each month allows you to be able to enjoy little splurges here and there without feeling guilty.
6. Have Monthly Goal Accountability Meetings
Have monthly goal accountability meetings with your husband to make sure that you are staying on track and on the same page when it comes to your budget and your financial goals.
What advice and suggestions would you have for Leah?
Leah, we have are so there right now. Thanks for sharing it is nice to know we aren’t alone!
I know how you feel. I try to keep my grocery budget (includes pet products, diapers, etc.) around $260 per month. Last month, I spent $467!!! EEEEKKK. I keep a spread sheet and I knew I was going to be over by a lot, but I kept shopping. I did have some extras… I had a few parties for my students, had a birthday party for my son, purchased special dinner items for my birthday, etc., but I felt bad when I saw those totals. I want to go cash only this month to see if I can get things under control. I’m trying not to beat myself up too much. Afterall, there was a time when I never looked at sales and honestly didn’t even think about being debt-free.
I’m trying what I call the “frugal substitution” method, inspired by the book Your Money or Your Life. Before I make a purchase, I consider what need I’m trying to fulfill and then see if I can meet that same need with a cheaper option. Not sure if this works as well on material things but it has helped keep me straight in terms of travel/entertainment expenses, and yes, we need to spend on those fun things from time to time!
Like others have said stop feeling guilty. We are humans and guilt is part of our life. Even in tight times give yourself some spending money. I have a small amount of debt and a mortgage,but this year I started spending some money on myself! I get a pedicure/manicure every month at the school of hair design. It makes me feel good and I budget for it. Life is too short to be so stressed,but like many others have said there is always tomorrow.
Laurie
I know how you feel. My husband has a full-time job that he started in January for the first time in our 3 year marriage. Something that helps me stay on track is having a charity that I like to give to. So I can always think, well, I could spend $25 on a nice dinner out, or I could give a package of diapers to the orphanage.
I’ve found that you’re usually doing better than you think you are! Sometimes when I feel like my husband and I are just getting deeper and deeper in debt (new medical bills mostly). I look back over the bills we’ve paid off in the past 3 years-since we really started trying to pay things off! We’ve paid off one small student loan, one small bank loan, one credit card and cut another credit cards balance in half-and it will be GONE in DECEMBER!!! Just focus on how far you’ve come while keeping sight of where you want to go. And I also think that not allowing yourself some wiggle room once in a while sets you up for destruction down the line. If you don’t allow yourself to feel like you’re “living ” once in a while then you start to feel like “what am I trying for?” At least that’s how it is for us.
Leah, I think it is important to think about why you needed to splurge. Was your budget too tight and you just needed to feel like you spend a little now that more was coming in or did you feel too restricted too long?
Crystal is right, I think splurges that are planned are really a good way to combat feelings like you are too restricted. That way it gives you the freedom to purchase something you really want or need. But because it was planned you don’t have to feel guilty.
By having a planned splurge you also get to look forward to something and really think ahead about what you truly want and not just pick up something at the store because it looks good at the time.
In our debt free journey we have went from being really good on our budget to going off and so I feel for you. I think this happens to everyone from time to time. I wish the best for you and feel good about the progress you have already made.
I feel your pain. We are in the worst possible financial position right now. It’s been a rough year. I can only hope and pray that things turn around … which I’m confident they will. 🙂
This is great advice Crystal. First, I like how you highlighted the mental attitude adjustment required to start getting back on track, and the importance of communication with your partner. I specifically like how you discuss breaking goals down into bite-sized pieces. A longer-term goal is great for focus, but the short-term goals will let you know if you are on or off track. By holding yourself accountable along the way, which appears Leah has done, she is doing better than most people!
Regarding step 5, I recommend physically setting money aside for the “splurge fund,” assuming you have already paid down high interest credit card debt and “paid yourself first” for your financial goals.
Your steps provide a good overview of getting back on track financially. Good luck Leah! You can do it!
I spent almost 2 years unemployed, and our budget was tight. (We were lucky. Even with our emergency fund, we never had to tap it. But in order for that to be true, a lot of other areas were cut.)
Now that I’m back to work, we have revisited our budget for our current income level and needs. I can tell you at both points, we had “spending money”. For us, it was as necessary as the mortgage. Even knowing I had a few dollars to treat myself to a lunch out made ALL the difference! The guilt of spending on myself was not there, since we both knew we could afford it.
I can also tell you that now that I’m back to work, the pantry is getting restocked when those deals come up. I hope we don’t go through another experience like that, but I think it’s better to get stocked up when you have the opportunity to get prepared. Everything got lean while I was out of work, but as I reminded my husband, that’s the whole point of having the supply.
Personal money has been a HUGE key to my husband and I staying sane with a budget. Even if it is 5 or 10 bucks a month, it makes a huge difference! 🙂
I also think having a financial goal to work towards makes it easier to make good decisions with money.
Leah,
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had a couple of bad months financially where I just haven’t felt like watching every penny. It’s hard for me being single in that I don’t have anybody but myself to blame. One thing that helps though is to realize how far I’ve come.
These are some great tips by Crystal (as always). My wife and I have been working our way out of debt for 5-6 years and eventually you’re bound to fall off the wagon. Heck, I’m a Dave Ramsey-trained counselor and I coach people for a living, and we still fall off the wagon from time-to-time.
It’s common for us to have a bad month every 4 or 5 months; we immediately start to recognize that we’re being lazy and we just focus again. As Crystal said though, you shouldn’t beat yourself up. It’s okay to live every once in awhile, even if you have some debt.
Leah, your heart is in the right place seeking to please God, but yeah that ole head gets in the way every time. What is it that we think we are justified?? Just keep seeking HIS face and like already said don’t beat yourself up. Ask for deliverance from Stuffitis and worldly thinking. Know what is right for your family and keep stepping for the higher goal. Many hugs and Blessings!!
Oh, sweet heart, I totally know how you feel! Hubby and I went through a rough time that lasted an entire year! We did well to save, but then once the money started coming in again we too felt justified to spend more, and so we got off track. We’ve gone back and forth from doing well to not so well so many times. It’s okay! At least you’re admitting that you’ve gotten off track…that’s the first step! Christal is so right here so take her advice, especially the one about not beating yourself up! Hugs!
My hubby just got a job that equaled more money. We finally had some much needed wiggle room and I started doing just what you were doing. I was buying too much stuff out of the ordinary that I didn’t need. It started to add up quickly. So, we just reassessed how much money needed to go in those envelopes. Since we could get that splurge every now and then, we gave ourself an allowance. I added a bit in the grocery to get nice cuts of meat and real mozzarella cheese. It was all about slowing down and gaining perspective.
I feel for you Leah! And like Crystal said don’t beat yourself up! My husband and I live on a very strict budget too and while we do a great job, it is hard to live so tightly and NEVER to splurge just a bit. But it sounds like you have a good attitude about it and recognize the need to try to stay on track. Many people would just take that increase in income and increase their lifestyle and not think twice about it! So I think you are ahead of the game in many ways! Crystal I also like what you said about breaking goals up into bite size pieces. My hubby and I have been married for three years. He’s a full time student and I work full time. We hope to start a family soon and eventually want me to stay home and homeschool, however before we can do that he needs to graduate in December and find an accounting job. And then we need to finish paying off about $60,000 in school loan debt between the two of us and save up for a good downpayment for a house (we have no other debt and plan to keep it that way)! Sometimes those goals seem so large and overwhelming to me that it’s hard to keep motivated to stay on track with the finances b/c I feel like we’ll never get there. But if I break it down into more manageable steps that seems like it might help to keep me focused.
It can be so overwhelming, but it is amazing what you can do when you break down those goals into smaller steps like you said. What also helped us was to celebrate small victories. If we met a goal, we would often celebrate inexpensively. Sometimes it was sharing a bottle of sparkling grape juice on our deck, but even those small celebrations helped us to be thankful for how far we had come and encouraged us to keep moving ahead. Good luck!
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Something that really helps putting all your spending into perspective is taking a notebook with you just for 1 week. Write down every single purchase. It absolutely stunned me how much money I am really spending. It seems tedious, however it can be very effective when you see your spending habits on paper. This is a area I struggle in as well. You can also have your husband join in on your exercise! If you feel like a week isn’t long enough then try for a month. Prayers to you sweetie!
Yes, Steph you’re totally right. I actually use an app called “Out Of Milk” every single time I shop! I can input the items I have and then the price and it’ll calculate how much I’ll be spending when I walk out the door, including tax. That way I’m not surprised in the end and if it’s more than my budget allows, I simply put something away. It has saved me sooooo much. IT’S A LIFE SAVER!
I love the Out of Milk App!
Oh hugs Leah, I have been there with you more times than I can tell you. Once for three years it was only necessities and bills, nothing else. Can I tell you how guilty I felt spending $3.99 for a candle that was marked down 50%? I finally allowed myself some grace. It was ok. Just not every week, or every time I shopped to get some splurge item. They were tiny amounts but I finally spoke to my husband and he agreed it was fine to buy small amount of something out of the ordinary. Relief!
I laughed about your guilt-not because it was funny really, because I am right there!! I had to order new mouse traps online (not just the standard type) and I felt totally guilty about that-you would think I used the grocery money for a massage! But really it wasn’t a planned expense and money is crazy tight right now-we already had a large plumbing expense last week and that wasn’t totally budgeted for either. It is hard to “treat” yourself when things are so tight-I can’t really enjoy any purchase because of guilt. We don’t have money to have really any blow fund currently-my husband has a greatly reduced work schedule, so I know what you mean! If he did pick up again I think I would struggle the same way. You finally feel like you can splurge slightly-but I would still have to reign it in to build up our depleted emergency fund, savings and put money toward expenses we have been delaying. That is a hard situation!
I agree with Crystal 100% on the “accountability meetings” – an open line of communication with your husband is crucial. I feel the same way as Leah sometimes; I simply have to remind myself how far we have come! To read about our debt repayment/savings story, visit here: http://voices.yahoo.com/budgeting-101-one-couple-graduated-financial-11399710.html?cat=25