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A Peek Into My Life This Past Week (some raw & honest thoughts)

This week, instead of my usual Peek Into My Life This Past Week post, I just wanted to share some honest thoughts about what I learned from Jesse being gone for 13 days in Israel. It’s raw and honest, but I hope it might encourage some of you who maybe struggle with similar things…

Some of you have wondered why Jesse being gone was so hard for me. Honestly, I debated whether or not to share about this experience online. Because it’s easier to pretend that I’m more confident and capable than I really am.

The truth is: I’m way more introverted and insecure than most people would ever expect me to be. I almost always get anxious over making phone calls, driving to places I’ve never been to before, and talking to people I don’t know really well. I’ve pushed myself far, far outside of my comfort zone the past five years, but there are still plenty of “normal life things” that make me really nervous or cause me to feel like shutting down from anxiety.

I rely on Jesse a lot. Probably way too much. He’s the one who deals with coaches and teachers and doctors and repairmen and basically any situation where I’d have to make a phone call or interact with someone I don’t know well.

So I’d been dreading him being gone because I knew it would mean I’d have to put on my big girl pants and face a bunch of anxiety-inducing situations without him. Little did I know that my phone would get lost (or stolen?), our cars would break down, and I’d need to make lots of phone calls and interact with WAY more people as a result.

Did it scare me? Yes. Did I have a few minor panic attacks? Yes. But you guys… I’m so grateful for these past two weeks because I grew up as a result of them.

I drove all over Nashville. I made phone calls. I dealt with the AT&T people, the phone insurance company, our landlords, teachers, coaches, parents, doctors, repairmen, and all sorts of situations that were brand-new to me.

I got to rely on God, not my husband. And it was good for me. And I learned that, with God’s help, I’m much more capable & competent than I believed myself to be!

And I’m super excited that Jesse is HOME… as of 2 a.m. this morning! And I have crazy new appreciation and amazement for all the single parents, the military parents, and the parents whose spouses travel for work regularly. You all are all kinds of incredible and you inspire me.

Next week, I’ll be back to my regular Sunday Peek Into My Life This Week Post. Thanks for your patience with me these past two weeks as I haven’t been as present or consistent on the blog here. Sometimes, blogging takes a back burner to real life! 🙂

P.S. Need a laugh? Watch this video where my daughter professes her love for butter. I’m raising her right. 😉

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20 Comments

  • It never fails, when my husband is out of town anything that can go wrong does for wrong.

    I think it’s good that you share about your insecurities. You definitely come across as having it all together ? I think it just goes to show that all of us struggle with someone. No matter how put together someone appears, every single one of us has insecurities or things they struggle with.

    I’m glad Jesse is home, enjoy your time together and hopefully this week will be smoother.

  • Tracey says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am very much like you….introvert, anxiety, the whole nine yards. My husband travels about every other week, and it has definitely given me a chance to turn to the only One who can be strong in my weaknesses. Thank you, again, for being real. God is using you! You are helping so many out there by just being you! <3

  • Tara says:

    Thanks for your vulnerability! I can relate to this.

  • Diane says:

    I actually thought of you today as I had a lot of anxiety and told myself to do it scared. I also wanted to set a good example for my daughter who can be quite anxious. So, thank you! And I really relate. I think my husband is very loving but at times almost enables my anxiety by just doing things for me and I need to work on that .

  • Alicia says:

    This is me almost to a T. My husband works a lot, and a few years ago he worked nights for 2+ years and was also in school full time, so we barely saw each other at all during that entire 2 year period. I learned SO MUCH during this time. Yes, it was extremely hard, and yes, it was very lonely at times, but I grew so much!

  • Diane says:

    I appreciate your post so much, because I’ve been feeling anxious and incapable for a very different reason. We’re going to start using tablets at work for the first time on Wednesday, and I’m very nervous about this change. Young people are so computer savvy these days, but I’m approaching age 60, and computer technology is still scary to me.
    I guess we all have our own areas of insecurity, and these are all opportunities to trust God for guidance, and to be brave and step up to our challenges.

    • Yes! Way to go on getting brave! There are a lot of things about technology that still are very hard for me… and it’s one of the reasons that I surround myself with really techie people. Because I’d be lost without them!

  • Desirae says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this, because this is exactly what I’ve been dealing with lately. I get anxious about little simple things too, and I’ve been realizing that I depend too much on my husband, and not enough upon God. It’s been really hard, but I just keep submitting it to God, and I believe that He’s doing a work, even though the progress seems slow ?

  • Ang says:

    Thank you for sharing this! My husband is gone one week a month with work and I am the same way. It has made me grow so much but it is still not my favorite. We are grateful he has a good job though and he loves it though. Glad I’m not the only one! 😉

  • Mirranda says:

    As a military spouse with chronic anxiety,I totally understand. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being dependant on them when they’re home and doing our best when they’re not. I can totally take care of removing spiders from the home,having the washer repaired,vehicle fixed, et cetera…but, when he’s home I let him handle those things. When he’s not, I do my best and rely on God. Sometimes all I can manage is to make those phone call and I’m done for the day…it’s that emotionally exhausting, so I have to allot days just for those sort of things. I’m proud of you!

  • Meagan says:

    In January, my husband moved 15 hours away for a new job while the kids and I stayed behind to sell our house. He’s always worked long hours and traveled frequently for work so I naively thought it wouldn’t be that hard to manage solo but boy oh boy was I wrong! The past 4 months have been some of the most challenging times of my life. I’ve had to rely on God and He has provided- by making me ask for help from friends. Like so many others, I am reluctant to ask for help but this situation has forced me to do that and it has been so humbling and heart-warming to know how much other people are willing to help- if they are asked. I pray we are able to sell our house soon so our family can be reunited and I will be paying forward all of the kindness that we have received.

  • Susan says:

    Love the color of all those beautiful eyes in the picture! We are a family of 5, with all brown eyes!

  • Mylynda says:

    You are awesome, Crystal. Way to go and kudos to you! Praise God that He was faithful to bring you to a point of F.R.O.G (Fully Rely On God). I was a single parent for 10 years AFTER being a military wife for 4 and there is a special place in my heart for those that are in the “trenches” as we speak. I am married now to a wonderful man, who I depend on more than he knows. I totally relate to what you are saying.

  • Amy says:

    This was a good read for me as I am usually the one handling everything. My husband is a teacher so it could be he has to do it all at school so at home he wants/needs someone else to take care of the details of life. With that being said, this post gave me perspective into how it can be difficult for him to take care of what I do on a normal basis. Sometimes I do get aggravated…..so – thanks

  • Angela says:

    This. Is. Me. I read the paragraph out loud to my husband about relying on your husband to make the phone calls, talk to people you don’t know, etc. and my husband looked at me and said “you sure you didn’t write that yourself?” Lol. Oh, introverted anxiety. Such a frienemy combination.

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