It was the day after Christmas. Each of our children had gotten some wonderful new presents — all things that they had long wanted and hoped for.
But after the initial excitement wore off, one of my children was very dissatisfied. Even though this child had received so many wonderful presents, they weren’t happy.
Why? Because this child was frustrated that they didn’t get that one thing that one of their siblings got.
This child whined and spent much of the day upset. They had a number of amazing new things to play with… but it wasn’t enough. They couldn’t have that one thing, so instead of happily enjoying their Christmas presents, they pouted.
As we had some great talks with this child about gratefulness and contentment, I felt inwardly irked that this child could be so discontent. But then I realized how often I’m the same way.
Oh, maybe I don’t cry over the fact that I don’t have a gadget or accessory like a friend does, but I’ve certainly wasted a lot of time comparing myself to others or wishing I was in different place in life instead of just savoring the present.
It’s so easy to think that if we lost that weight, achieved that goal, paid off that debt, could afford that dress, got our kids potty-trained, had a house cleaner, got that raise, found a new job… then we would be happy.
But what if what you’re hoping for never happens? Does that mean you spend the rest of your life discontent?
It’s wonderful to dream and plan for the future. It’s good to set goals and work hard toward them. But don’t let that keep you from savoring the here and now.
Today is the only day you are guaranteed. Don’t waste it wishing you could be somewhere or someone else. Soak up the beauty right in front of you and be grateful for the blessings you are already surrounded with.
Even if you never make it to where you want to go, contentment in the here and now will make the journey a sweet and rich experience. For truly, “Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
Thank you, Crystal, for this wonderful reminder!! Gratitude needs to be my “word” for 2014. Happy New Year!
Thank you for this post, Crystal. It helps to know that we have all been there with our little ones, despite our best efforts. And I think most of us adults could work on this -often I need a little refresher and I appreciate your offering it!
Wonderful post! Something you didn’t explicitly state, but I think is important: you didn’t attempt to console this child by making things “fair.” I see so many parents going to extreme efforts to keep everything “fair” so that one child never feels slighted. Even going so far as to reproducing party favors one child received at a party that the other child did not attend. Discontented children grow up to be discontented adults, and I applaud you for taking the more difficult road of teaching this lesson now, rather than placating your child in the short term.
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today. As a mom, I need this reminder as much as my children do. 🙂
I also am blessed by this timely post. I read most of the responses and saw that other people had been tring to choose a “word”for 2014. Just this morning I had chosen the word “thankful” but now am changing it a little to “content” which is pretty similar. I chose it because I need to be in the habit of recognizing all of the blessings God provides for me. I tend to focus, too often, on the uncertainties of the future. 2013 was a very hard year. Yet, many of God’s provisions and people’s provisions to us do remain in my heart. I just want to be content because in the total big picture, God says, “Be content with such things as you have, for I will never leave or forsake you.”
Thank you so much for sharing! Content is such a great word for 2014!
Beautiful post, Crystal! And so true. Thank you for this!
We had this same thing with our daughter right before Christmas. She was with us when we purchased a Kindle Fire for her brother. She had put one on her Santa letter and really wanted one. We knew she was also getting one (from her grandma) but obviously could not tell her. We had to remind her several times that sometimes she cannot always get what she wants even if she did ask Santa for it. We reminded her numerous times that she should be thankful for whatever she does get because there are so many people that are not as fortunate. We do shoeboxes with our church for Operation Christmas Child so we used this as an example by reiterating to her that these boxes we put together are the only thing these children get and they are “over the moon” excited about them. I think that sank into her little brain better than anything else we had said. Of course she was happy when Christmas morning came and she had her own Kindle Fire (which she has hardly played with because the Lalaloopsy dolls and rainbow loom are so much more fun).
On the other hand, I think sometimes the discontentment may be a therapeutic and healthy emotion. I personally let myself feel unhappy and discontent every great once in awhile. For one, it is a great motivation for me to do something about whatever it is that I am not happy with. The whole “I wish I was thinner and could wear cuter clothes” turns into “I am putting forth my absolute best effort at getting on an exercise routine to change that and going to start eating better” or “I wish we had a better car” into ” I am determined to pay off this debt so we can pay cash for most or all of a newer car.” For another, it also makes me reframe my thinking such as “I may have more grey hair than I would like, but I am so happy to be saving that $100 towards something more useful than coloring my hair” and besides, I could probably find a friend to help me color my hair with the boxed hair color that was bought with coupons and gives me the opportunity to have some “girl time” with a friend that is cheap. (sorry this was so long winded 🙂 )
I agree with you.
We got our five-year-old an Android tablet for Christmas so she could start to become technologically savvy. We installed several fun learning games and turned off WIFI so she couldn’t download anything we don’t want her to have. Well…four days later my husband was trying to fix a sound issue she was having and he dropped in on a wooden floor. The screen is now a spiderweb of cracks. Sigh…suprisingly, she hasn’t complained much about it and has been happy to play with other toys.
Also, I REALLY like your comment about coloring your own hair and getting in some girl friend time.
A longing for God is written on our hearts. I don’t think it’s possible to be completely satisfied and fulfilled in this life. We’re not meant to. That will come when/if we get to Heaven and see the face of God. I try to teach this to my kids.
I had that same feeling before with my oldest, were I felt irked that he was discontent. I recently came across an author- Shauna Niequist, who basically writes about enjoying and celebrating your everyday life. I just finished her newest book, Bread & Wine about life around the table. Last night, I started Cold Tangerines where she writes about the extraordinary nature for everyday life. I can’t wait to finish the book, she talks about the same things you mentioned; don’t wait until you are the perfect weight, have met the desired goal and paid off all your debt, to live your life and be happy. Live and enjoy your life right now! 🙂
I recently read Bread & Wine and loved it. Here’s a post I wrote after reading it: https://moneysavingmom.com/2013/11/present-not-perfect.html
And now I really want to read Cold Tangerines!
You are so right, Crystal. I look back over some of the hardest times of my life–one of which is actually kind of wrapping up right now–and I can see God’s work in me during those times so clearly. I wouldn’t have chosen those hard times if I had had the choice, but now, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. It’s more about the journey than it is the current “feeling.” I’m so thankful.
Thank you for sharing this! So beautifully said and such a needed reminder! I’m going to share this with my family:) God Bless!
I’m sure the child will grow out of it. As a middle child I wanted everything my siblings received. I eventually grew out of it and now I’m a happy, frugal adult !
Your right today is all your guaranteed why waste it? If I fine myself envying over something a friend has I just save for it and watch for a sale. Last thing I got was a kindle and rarely use it but got it for a steal. I’m really hoping for a mini iPad and told my mom when I get one the Kindle is all yours which made her happy. But yesterday I was looking at my daughters toothless grin and shut off the computer and decided screw what I’m doing can wait time to spend time with the munchkin, made my night to hear her made darth vader noises and giggle.
I would agree that we can all, at one time or another, become discontented and even ungrateful. I think, though, that we have, as a society, created much of this discontentment in our children. Our society is a disposable society. Upgrade this, upgrade that. There is always that push in the media for newer, better, shinier. I must admit that if one of my children had become that disillusioned that quickly, I would probably have taken everything they got away and store it somewhere for a while to drive home the point that they need to learn to be content with what they have. Learning to appreciate what we have can be difficult especially given that so much of the time we feel that we are somehow entitled to having things. Good reminder to be grateful with what you have where you are. So many people have so much less and are, in many ways, happier than those who have it all.
Thank you so much for this as I cried while I read it. I am struggling right now with trying to find peace with coming to terms with something I have worked so hard for the past 10 years, gave up so many family memories, moments in my child’s life, put a huge strain on my marriage. I will never get back because I spent so much of that in school and after all that it comes down to one test, just one test I can not pass and I dont get a second chance. How can you work so hard, risk it all, and get nothing in return. I am struggling with trying to find happiness again within myself and a new career. I just dont know if I have it in me anymore to keep fighting and failing. This brought me some clarity that I have been trying to see the brighter side. I know each day I become stronger and more accepting but I cant help to feel this way.
I feel for you. Disappointment is a perfectly reasonable response to your situation, but try not to let it define who you are. I’m not sure what field of study you were in, but I’m sure the time and effort you expended was not a waste. I give you a lot of credit for trying. Imagine if you hadn’t tried how much regret you’d have and perhaps resentment against your family. It sounds like you have a career path going, maybe not the one you had envisioned but take heart in what you do have. Most of us don’t end up where we think we will. I know that’s true for myself and most others that I know. Happy New Year to you and your family.
{hugs!} I am so, so sorry! 🙁
Thank you for your post. I have been soooo depressed since Christmas morning . My tween and teen were so ungrateful. it just broke me inside. I have been trying to get out of this state of mind but just can’t seem to find my way. I have been praying. I’m scared I may be too lost. Thank you for being you and for all you do. I pray that the Lord blesses you always.
Thank you, Crystal, for this enlightening post. I feel you have identified what I have been trying to understand the last couple of months. Out of nowhere I began to successfully declutter, organize, and clean my home. I’d prayed for motivation to do all of this, but as I read your post, I realize God had also opened my heart to gratefulness. After years of always wishing my home was “better” and bigger, I became genuinely grateful for my house in these last few months. I now believe gratitude is what has made me suddenly able to take better care of my home. Once again, thank you.
I love this! What great perspective!
I needed this! I can’t tell you how much I needed this! It’s hard for me to explain in writing the discontentment that is rooted in me. My husband and I have been married almost 13 years, and for the last 10, we have lived with his parents. I am ever so thankful that God has blessed me with great inlaws who have allowed us to do this, but deep inside I’m angry, frustrated, and just plain mad that we’re still here. It’s because of our stupidity with money. This year is our year to pay off our debt though! 🙂
All of that to say that I’ve been praying about a “word” for 2014. I’ve not done this before, but I like the idea. I was thinking of the word content…but I think it will be gratitude instead. Content goes right along with it. God is so good to me and I have NO reason to be discontent.
Sorry for rambling. 🙂 Thank you for who you are, Crystal!
Tara, I was just thinking of my “word” too because I have had some of the same feelings you have had. The word I came up with as well was content, too, but I may use your suggestion and use gratitude. It’s nice to know I am not the only on in this boat.
Thank you so very much for your kind encouragement. {Hugs!}
Beautiful truth! It’s so hard to keep focused on the here and now at times. But we’ll never have the ‘now’ again. So it’s best to just enjoy it to the fullest!
Thanks for sharing.
I commented earlier but it doesn’t seem to have gone through.
Crystal, based on stories you have shared over the years, it seems to me that you have one child who struggles more with jealousy and discontent than your other two. You dont’ have to answer this, but I’d venture a guess that this is the same child who was so upset over not getting a light-up toy that they did not enjoy the circus.
You’re doing a good job mothering your children Crystal! Kids need to learn how to handle these kinds of stuations. Keep at it, and they’ll be okay.
There is something I want more than anything in the world but it’s something that a few years ago, I realized would never happen. At that point I felt disappointed and so envious of others who possess that one thing I want. But I realized I could feel sorry for myself or be content with what I have. I could use what I know to help others in a similar spot as myself, instead of dwelling on what I don’t have. I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes that discontentment tries to worm it way into my life. Thanks so much for this reminder.
Isn’t it amazing how much we learn about ourselves from our children? This is a great reminder. I tend to be a planner and futuristic thinker, but I’ve been trying to savor the moments each day brings. You are so right….this life is just a vapor and it can be gone in a flash. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Thanks for the reminder! This has been a hard Christmas season for me through
it all I had to remind myself to accept the season I am in and to be thankful. It wasn’t
because of money or gift giving but because of family time that was not possible.
I haven’t been able to plan last couple of Christmas’ but God knows what we need and His plan is perfect!
I so can relate to this, but it was me who was feeling this way the other day. My three children (teen and tweens) were very content with the meager three gifts they got from Santa and the big family gift (laptop) from us. It was me who needed the gratitude reminder the other day. I was feeling very down on myself because of my aging looks (grey hairs showing, teeth grinding taking its toll, out-of-control unwanted facial hair, etc.). And, there’s just no extra money right now to fix any of my “wants.” As it is, dh and I did not get each other anything for Christmas.
Anyway, I was whining about all this on Saturday when my husband reminded me how grateful I should be for the things I do have … like my good health, a roof over my head and three beautiful boys. He told me life could be so much worse. He recently lost a sister to cancer and has a friend with a toddler son who has brain cancer. So, yes, life could be so much worse and my problems are so trivial compared to what so many others are going through. Sigh.
But at that moment I was feeling very “woe-is-me.” And, me of all people should be more aware of the blessings I do have because I grew up dirt poor (and even homeless for a year). Usually I start feeling this way once a month so I know most of it’s hormonal. But sometimes you just need a great post like this one to put it all in perspective.
Hope you find this helpful and not weird, I was going crazy with “unwanted facial hair” when I was pregnant because I couldn’t keep up with it and waxing was getting expensive! Then I discovered Nad’s wax strips at Target for seriously like 4 bucks and they work awesome. Sorry you’re feeling down!
Thanks for the tip, Ana. I will have to look into those. I have always been afraid of wax strips. Bleach and creams do not work because I have super sensitive skin and I break out in horrible rash afterwards. So I was afraid wax strips might irritate my skin, too. I’m also considering the NoNo tool I saw on TV. Would love to do laser hair treatments but not in budget. I’m turning 45 in a few weeks and the hair is getting way more noticeable. I use a little trimmer and tweezers right now on the real obvious spots. And, yes I had my thyroid checked and it’s normal. I love being in my 40s just not the changes in my body.
{Hugs!} I’m so sorry that you’re struggling right now. 🙁 I’m hoping there’s some sunshine in your day today!
Crystal,
Thanks for the encouragement and hugs. Today is a better day! Just being a bit emotional lately about turning 45 in a few weeks. The holidays always make me blue anyway. But tomorrow is a new year! Hope you and your family have a great 2014! Your posts are always so inspiring.
I enjoyed the article, but you scared me with but what if what you are hoping for never happens? Please let my boys be potty-trained soon. I have twin 2 year old boys and they are so close. My life would be easier with them potty-trained. I understand what you are trying to convey though. Yesterday, I put everything aside and played in the yard with my kids and husband. The weather was absolutely perfect. Today, I am so glad that I did that because the weather is cold and windy, not as ideal to be outside. I am trying to be more in the moment with my kids and not worry as much about the housework. I hope you had a great Christmas! My family and I certainly did!
This made me chuckle a little, but I am also so sympathetic. I tried everything to get my youngest trained quickly due to him outgrowing the pricy cloth diaper covers (plus the elastic gave out.) It took 2 of my children a while, including accidents at age 5. You can read my saga if you click my name here!
There were days when I certainly felt like my boy was *never* going to get potty-trained. But it finally did, for which I am very thankful! 🙂
I have twin boys that are 11. One was potty trained right before he turned 3. The other one (who has Asperger’s) took until he was almost 4 to be fully potty trained. Just be consistent and don’t stress. Boys do take longer to potty train. Do they still make the quilted training underwear? I used those with all three of my boys and liked them so much better than pull-ups. They could feel when they were wet, but they didn’t soak through everything. Good luck and hang in there! It will happen soon, especially if they are so close.
Yes, they still make the quilted underwear, but it’s a little harder to find. SO MUCH BETTER than pull-ups because they can feel it. I learned that trick from a long time nanny in a consignment sale line. Great advice, but I still used pull ups at night.
Thank you so much, Crystal! You are skilled at writing thought-provoking articles. My favorite part was this: “But what if what you’re hoping for never happens? Does that mean you spend the rest of your life discontent?”
Thank you so much for your kind encouragement! I’ve been pondering this a lot over the last few days.