Guest post from Alexa of Single Moms Income.
Times are tough, jobs are scarce, and pay is low – that is the reality of America’s economic standstill. Families are having a rough time paying their bills and keeping food on the table. As a single mother I have been faced with these same worries.
The one thing that I have learned through my journey as a single mother is that sacrifices are what hold everything together.
Before my husband and I divorced we lived in a very nice home in a wonderful area. Upon our split I felt that I should be entitled to keep the same standard of living. I frantically and desperately searched to buy a home that would offer me the same comfort. Luckily, the offers that I did put in on houses fell through.
I was so desperate to keep the standard of living that I had once had with two incomes that I was ready to spend every penny I now had on a down payment on a new home. This would have led to my financial devastation.
I was extremely disappointed that my offers fell through, so I took a break from house hunting. After I picked myself up off the ground something clicked in my head. It was more important for me to be financially stable than to live in a nice home – after all I have two beautiful kids who need me now more than ever.
With my new-found thinking, I decided to purchase a trailer and put it on an extra lot that my family owned. I spent $1500 on the trailer with plenty of money left to spend on moving and repairs for the trailer.
I had never envisioned myself being single with two kids and moving into a trailer… but what I now realize is that sacrifices are temporary and are made with a bigger picture in mind. This trailer is not my forever – it is simply a stepping stone for something greater. I now will have a place for my children to live while I work on saving more money and being fiscally responsible.
Of course, my living situation isn’t the only sacrifice I’m willing to make. Becoming a single mother is like starting a whole new life. There will be kinks to work out in my budgets and I am certain that I will have my fair share of struggles.
There are times when I feel sorry for myself, but I stop and think of other people who are in much worse situations than I am. There is a light at the end of every tunnel.
Alexa is a newly single mother to two beautiful girls. She chronicles her journey into single motherhood at Single Moms Income.
Good for you. Your children are warm safe and it sounds like that they are near your family. My mom was a single mom. We always had a roof over our heads and my mom could make great meals on budget.
I love this Alexa, “This trailer is not my forever – it is simply a stepping stone for something greater.”
Oftentimes when we’re walking through tight financial times (or even tough emotional times) we don’t stop to think that life isn’t going to be like this forever. It will get better. We will survive. And we will learn something from what we’ve been through!
Thanks for the reminder!
This is a great post to read. I applaud your selflessness for the sake of your children. I know so many people who plead poverty yet have the latest smart phone, manicured nails, latest video game system, new car etc yet there children are the ones who are sacrificing. I honestly think it is today’s society that makes you feel like you MUST have new, better, best.
Good luck to you 🙂
I like your article and your attitude, and especially your honesty that you struggled in the beginning with wanting to keep up the same standard of living. It is psychologically very difficult to experience a change in social class! I have been through this exact same situation in the past couple of years and I can attest to the challenges. In many ways though, my family is much happier and life is peaceful now (we had to leave an abusive situation) so I try to look at the positive side.
When our apartment lease was up we went to buy a house. We ended up buying a trailer instead. I was embarrassed at first but we have a nice little set up here. And when our lease is up (we had to sign a contract saying we would stay in our neighborhood for 5 years) we will have enough saved up where we can pay cash for our house (we will probably look for a foreclosure to purchase, but we will have enough saved up for a nice house!) It may not be our dream house but it will be ours and it will be paid off! We won’t have to worry about a mortgage. So while our 5 years at our current home may not be our ideal (when people find out where we live you will not believe how many people say Wow you live below your means don’t you? Like it’s a bad thing!) but the rewards will HUGELY outweigh our ‘sacrifice’. I pray you and your children the best!
I recently decided that I am going to be grateful for my small fixer-upper. It probably will need a new roof in the next few years, but I have one now and that is more than a lot of people have. I will no longer apologize to my in-laws for my lack of wall to wall carpeting and fancy furniture, my pull-chain light fixtures and un-even floors. It is what it is and I am grateful to have a home that I can afford. My friends and family certainly don’t mind. Thank you, Alexa, for not only sharing your story, but for putting your children first.
There are so many things that you can do to a small fixer upper that are not expensive. Good for you. We focus too much now on what we don’t have and not on what we need
My mother did the very same thing some 40 years ago.. The good news is that we lived a wonderful life and us kids grew up to be great people because she was a responsible, wise, and loving parent. We werent spoiled beyond all reason, but we had what we needed and often what we wanted.
Good luck to you & I wish you many blessings. I know you’ll do well with that great attitude!
Kudos to you for stepping back and realizing that you needed to reassess your housing options. What a marvelous example you are to your girls. May they see how wise you really are.
Many blessings to you Alexa and your girls! Your story is truly inspiring!
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing! What a great lesson to learn and a wonderful example to set for your kids. I know it’s a very difficult time right now but I hope you are able to learn like Paul to be content in abundance and in poverty. Blessings to you!
i am a single mom too and it has been tough! i left a well paying job last summer, and i have been able to find work but finding decent pay has been really hard. i have had to make alot of changes to my spending habits. We eat in more, alot more! We don’t go shopping, to the movies or SeaWorld as much. We have picnics at the park, do crafts at home, go for walks, read…. It is really hard but like you I remind myself and often, things will improve!!
Oh I am so proud of you! This is such a great story. May God bring people into your life so that you can minister to them.
My mom was a single mom in a trailer. Today I realize all the sacrifices she made for her girls. I ended up teaching and getting a Master’s and am thankful for all she did for me. Hang in there.
“sacrifices are temporary and are made with a bigger picture in mind.” — SO true. We are living in a small apartment on a very meager income while my husband finishes Seminary. I sometimes want to feel sorry for myself but I have to remind myself of this very truth. Thank you for reminding me again!
Also, I really admire your spirit. Being a single mom is not easy, I know.
I was in a nearly-identical situation two years ago, Alexa. I totally relate to the house decision. By the grace of God, I had several offers fall through as well and ended up living with my parents. I was so glad to hear part of your story. Thank you for sharing about something so challenging and near to my heart!
You may be encouraged by a series I just started: Christian & Divorced: Finding Joy in a Season of Grief. You will certainly be in my prayers.
http://katietevis.com/christian-divorced-finding-joy-in-a-season-of-grief/
~ Katie
I too am a single mom. There is too much emphasis on having the “best” of everything schools, clothes, homes, etc… It is of the mindset that you are failing your children if you don’t have it all and that somehow you are a lower human being if you can not provide the best. It is a guilt trip that hits this society like a plague. My teenagers are well cared for and know what really matters in life and will grow up to be self sufficient adults. Even if you don’t move out of the trailer for a long time just remember that you are providing a stable life for your children without all the worry that comes with trying to have it all.
Good for you! ~ Hugs~ I’m rooting for you & your family!!
Many times I’ve seen where I needed to be brought low, to rise up where I NEEDED to be. Not where I WANTED to be.
So glad you are able to achieve the goals you are setting for yourself & your family. Remember that things change in an instant, you never know how your life will end up. So when you are feeling down & low, remember that it is for a moment & moments change!
Have a wonderful weekend and remember to do something for yourself! Whether it is a good book with coffee or tea, hot bubble bath, breakfast in bed, etc. You deserve it & you are important!
Great post! I am older than you but sometimes think of a trailer for my retirement, something I once might not have considered. Your thinking WILL pay off.
The key is sacrifice “for the greater” good. The greater good is what most people miss out on. You have many good choices, but looking ahead, considering your future goals and plan… What is for the greater good. Another thing people over look: the difference in sacrificing and consequences.
Wonderful post! You sacrificed your standard of living for a better life overall. You will have less stress and a better relationship with your children than if you tried to keep their standard of living the same. I know it will still be difficult, but I don’t think you will ever regret this choice.
Great post and I will share it with a women’s forum I am a member of. Being a single mother is a struggle but with a lot of sacrifice and organization, one can persevere.
This is a great post and you have a great attitude. I don’t know many people who are willing to make even small sacrifices these days, let alone HUGE ones. Thank you for sharing!
I give you lots of credit and thanks for sharing your story and keeping it so honest and real. We also have been going through some difficult times the past few years and have moved to a much less expensive home to stay somewhat financially afloat (along with a laundry list of other cuts, sacrifices and life changes) and it isn’t easy (for our pride either). I keep hoping this is also just a stepping stone and phase of life we are in and that better times are coming-I have to focus on that or it is too depressing. Sacrifice is always hard or it wouldn’t really be a sacrifice. But knowing we are doing it for the right reasons and hopefully setting an example for our kids that hard work, sacrifice and trusting that God will provide is something we all need to be more focused on and family is the most important thing-we truly are blessed with health and family. You are an encouragement to me and I am sure many others, I will keep you in my prayers!
We all must make sacrifices in different areas, but single parents especially. My mother is a newly single parent (my dad passed away unexpectedly in April 2012) & though she was already a selfless, giving parent before his death, she now sacrifices even more for the good of her family. She is an amazing example of what love really means. God bless you!
Alexa, you are to be congratulated for using such good sense in your decision making. It will pay off and no matter what you will not be up all night fretting over making a mortgage payment.