I’m currently listening to a fascinating and inspiring audiobook called Stop Acting Rich by Thomas A. Stanley (author of The Millionaire Next Door).
I’ll be honest and tell you that if I were to try reading this book instead of listening to it, it’d probably get boring really quickly. It’s packed with lots and lots of case studies, percentages, and survey results. It’s apparent that the author likes to leave no stone unturned, loves to analyze people, and is very, very detailed.
However, the main point of the book is really good. Namely: If you want to be rich, stop acting like it.
Thanks to 0% financing, it’s easy to try and pretend like we are more well off than we are. But that facade won’t put any additional income in the bank. In fact, the exact opposite will likely happen: you’ll become poor trying to look like you’re rich.
There’s no doubt about it: you can’t buy your way to wealth. As Stanley says, “No one ever became rich by purchasing $800 shoes.”
If you want to be rich, stop acting like it. Learn to live within your means by setting up and following a written budget. Then, take it one step further and live beneath your means — even if it’s just $5 or $10 less than you make each month (for those on really, really tight budgets).
Money doesn’t buy happiness. Happiness comes from being content with what you have and seeking to make the most of where you are.
Start loving the life you’ve been given, embrace exactly where you’re at, and choose to be thankful for the blessings you do have. If you do this, I promise you’ll end up finding a lot more fulfillment in life than pretending you’re a millionaire will ever give you.
This is so true! There are so many people who need to hear this, it’s a hard lesson to learn!
Dear Crystal, I just wanted to share with you that The Millionaire Next Door is really right on the mark. My husband and I are quite a bit older than your target audience. We have really lived below our means for our 44 years of marriange. We are millionaires, haven’t had debt in decades, and our lives have always revolved around church and family. While we are millionaires, to look at us, you would never know it. We don’t dress, drive, or live the way people may expect a high net worth family to do. I drive a 2004 Honda and my husband drives a Ford Ranger pickup with 150,000+ miles on it. But they run just fine and have been paid for from the beginning. We have a nice home on 4 acres of beautiful land–paid for in 9 not 30 years. The peace of having our finances under control has certainly contributed to our long and happy marriage. Keep up the good work you are doing in encouraging families to live with both fun and frugality.
Great post. I will have to check out this book!
I agree 100%! Psychologists are saying more and more the happiness is not an external state, but an internal state. And, true wealth seems like its that way as well!
I love this post!! It’s sad that our society believe more= wealth and being frugal=poor.
We have lived on an envelope system for 8 years and I wouldn’t change it. Having a budget actually gives us freedom! It’s not a restraint. We choose where and how to spend our money. My husband is a contractor and because we have 6-8months saved we don’t have to worry when a contract ends. In March we were able to take a month long RV trip and people thought we were crazy because my husband “didn’t have a job.” But we knew everything was covered and he was interviewing from the road for prospects. In between contracts is really the only time we can vacation because being independent he doesn’t get vacation time.
My neighbors think we’re poor because we haven’t built a deck yet or done any landscaping. One neighbor for the past three years keeps asking me about landscaping and offering to help. I guess it really bothers her that we don’t have any plants. However, it’s not been in the budget or a priority. We keep our grass nice but that’s it. The funny thing is she hasn’t offered to pay for it either!
I am happy to have a home that suits our family and am okay if it doens’t look like everyone else’s.
My husband and I have always kept a budget and never been too overloaded with debt until we moved into our current home. We felt we had to purchase one in a particular neighborhood to be in the school district we desired for our child. We are surrounded by millionaires ( the real ones that have family money or who own big businesses) and the wannabe millionaires but there are all ages and stages in this particular neighborhood. When we bought our home, I was working and bringing in a good salary but five years later, I quit to stay home with my child. This made our house payment seemingly impossible on our salary but we have done it by living frugally. The whole family has felt like this was our destiny and we all pitched in. Our home is almost paid for, we are paying cash for our son to attend an out of state college, and we have always had an emergency fund and mapped out our expenses for the year so no surprises along the way. We also have retirement saved and can retire as soon as our child finishes college. Our neighbors and friends, on the other hand, have foreclosed on their homes (several of the “millionaires”), have second mortgages that are tremendous to send their children to college, and will be working the rest of their lives to pay for their “fun”. Maybe eating beans and rice isn’t that exciting, but we actually enjoy finding ways to make ends meet. We just furnished our son’s apartment completely by yard sales and freecycle and gave him our first crockpot … with a bag of black beans inside. Hopefully he will follow our example and one day reap the rewards of living within his means.
I couldn’t agree more! Here is that post I mentioned on facebook…
http://www.summerjarviswrites.com/2012/07/status.html#more
Have a great day!
I live in a middle class area of a very small town and just the other day the neighborhood “kaffe klatch,” was gathered next door when I came home from work in my 12 year old pickup. As I was walking into my house I overheard one of the gals putting me down about being so poor. It does hurt to overhear their put downs/comments but I do smile to myself about the fact that yes, I am a single parent making a small wage (under 30k) but my daughter is in a private college, my home is landscaped beautifully and my grass is pristine – all done by myself, I have a year’s salary in my emergency fund and almost $2k more for emergencies in my checking, I have no credit card debt, I contribute every two weeks to my HSA and 401K accounts and my home will be paid off in four years by sending an extra $50 a month with my payment. The reason I have all of this is because I read “Your Money or Your Life” in the early 90s and “The Millionaire Next Door” among many other books when it came out years ago. There were times over the years that I was only able to put $4.00 into savings from a paycheck, but, believe me, when you do get to the point where things are shaped up your life becomes so peaceful it’s unbelievable! I feel I am rich but it took many years. The payoff is worth it. I can’t recommend those two books highly enough.
Honestly, this is something that, as a married couple, we struggle with. My real question is…how do we both get on the same page with this attitude? My husband’s arguement is that he needs goals to strive for, but I feel like his goals revolve around the accumulation of “stuff”. I just want to be happy with what I have. If anyone has any advice, I would LOVE to hear it!
Good for you! I can’t believe people would so blatantly make fun of you like that. How rude.
Jan, as another single woman, I find your comment very inspirational. Way to go, you should be very proud of yourself!!
Sounds like you are doing all of the right things. Too bad that others have to put down other people to feel good about themselves.
This is one of the most inspiring comments I’ve ever read on MSM. Congratulations in all your hard work, Jan!
We have family members that get on our case for frugal living.
One in particular is a millionaire, and buys new cars every two years. He just bought a new car to upstage another family member. He took a look one look at our little car and gave us hell about it. It’s a 2007 paid for kia with 60,000 miles on it and gets 37 miles to the gallon. He tried to rub his brand $45,000 new car in our face. I asked him how many miles per gallon he gets? He said 17. I’ll take my monthly gas bill of $50 over his any day:) He may have a ton of money and all the material things he wants. But he values his money over his family and has lost his two sons.
Just because someone has money, doesn’t mean they have it all.
Glad you’re enjoying that book, Crystal! Have you ever read his original, The Millionaire Next Door?
Stop Acting Rich was good but I felt it re-hashed the same things that the MND covered.
The Millionaire Next Door really opened my eyes as to how the “average” American millionaire built their wealth, and I was SHOCKED to find that their lifestyle wasn’t the glitz-and-glamor that so many people assume that it is.
That revelation was certainly part of the reason I changed my behavior with finances.
Isn’t it ironic that people rarely realize the “Joneses” that they’re trying to keep up with aren’t really “wealthy”?
After listening to Stop Acting Rich, I definitely want to read/listen to The Millionaire Next Door — hopefully soon!
Crystal–
My dad is actually one of the “Millionaires Next Door,” although you never would have known it during the years we were growing up. We always had a very nice home, because my dad built our homes himself, but we spent almost no money on clothing, my mom cooked almost all our meals, we raised and harvested a huge garden, and my parents always had one car that was nearly junk-yard bound. In addition, he did “investment related” things with his money– bought rental property, raised cattle, chopped firewood from the property, bought and refurbished farm equipment. He spent almost no time watching TV and most evenings “tinkering” on a variety of little projects.
Nowadays, his siblings like to argue that he’s had all the luck. Trust me, he’s made his luck. 🙂
All those years of frugal and smart thinking have led to a lifestyle he and my mom really enjoy. Things “look” a little richer, now, that they are in their late 60s. But, he continues to buy his entire wardrobe at Sam’s Club and take sandwiches on car trips so they can skip restaurants. Small choices and big choices meant that he was able to 1) work for himself, 2) provide tuition/room/board for my brother and I at state colleges, 3) eventually buy a cabin on a lake that was his “dream,” 4) look forward to a multiple-income-stream retirement.
I think that being truly rich often means having the liberty (and the gumption!) to live life on your own terms, according to the values you hold dear.
I’ve been an inspired daughter. 😉
Your father and your mother sound like real inspirations. You were very fortunate! And I agree that he made his “luck.”
We don’t desire to be rich. We just want to have the ends meet!
OodleTech Test Comment
Crystal, yet another awesome post!! I just love, love, love your blog. I am a recovering materialistic person and still struggle with it. 😉 This post kind of ties into the post you wrote about your days in a basement apartment. When my husband lost his job and I went back to work (through a second pregnancy and subsequent newborn), we were forced to live like no one else. It ended up being a wonderful thing. However, it can be a struggle. We live in a VERY affluent suburb and the word “budget” is a dirty word. It’s all about the money you spend and what you have. We have been blessed, however, to actually meet a few millionaires and even one billionaire! The millionaires get their kids’ clothes at target, and the billionaire drives a Hyundai. Such a valuable lesson!
I completely believe in this too. My husband and I often think of all of the great things we could buy if we had more money. But, we’re happy, healthy and that’s all we can ask for. It really doesn’t have to be as complicated as some people think.
We just sold our very nice car and are using the money, every dime of it to pay off debts. We will now be driving a very old, hopefully reliable car in it’s place. I feel we did the right thing to help us get out of our debt, and am thankful we have this other car, even though I have to admit, I have been wondering what people will think. By the end of the year, our goal is to be completely out of debt, except for our mortgage and I can not tell you how freeing that will be for us! The end is in sight!
I read “The Millionaire Next Door” and loved it, so I am guessing I would love this book too. I will have to see if the library has a copy. I have a loved one in my life who is always saying, “well so and so earns what you do and they have” and I turn around and say back “I don’t think so and so actually owns anything but their bank sure does own them”.
I love your response! 🙂
I’m going to copy that last paragraph and paste it to my fridge!
I am waiting to get this audio book from the library. From your review of the book I can see it will be my kind of book.
My husband and I lived in college-owned housing for 1-1/2 years right after we were married. I worked for the college, and my husband was in the graduate assistant program to get his Master’s degree. We lived in a tiny cinderblock duplex right next to busy railroad tracks and had problems keeping the bugs out of our home. We lived as cheaply and frugally as we knew how.
We had friends in exactly the same financial situation as us. However, they lived in much nicer housing and bought things such as a brand new grand piano, a brand new truck, and lots of “extras”. It was hard not to compare ourselves to them and want nicer things at that stage of our lives, but it was all worth it after we moved at the end of the 1-1/2 years and put a down payment on a nice 3-bedroom house.
Even now, 3-1/2 years later, our combined gross income is under 30,000 and we have two children, but we always make ends meet with some left over. This past fall, we paid cash for a nice used minivan. Living frugally is just a way of life for us.
One goal of mine is that no member of my family ever “looks” poor. We have good hygeine habits and wear nice clothes. No one would ever guess that our clothes come from garage sales, thrift stores, and clearance racks. I guess that the things I’m doing work, because I often have people come to me for advice on couponing, deal shopping, and frugal living!
Thank you so much for sharing — and way to go for living on less than you make on a smaller income! I’m proud of you!
I tried reading this book but it did start to get boring to me. I completely understand the book and its how our family chooses to live life. I did enjoy his other book the millionaire next door. I think I may return the book back to the library and find out if they have the audio version. 🙂
I read the Millionaire Next Door and really enjoyed it. Last year we sold our much larger and more expensive home, moved and purchased a smaller, less expensive home. A lot of people that knew us were shocked, then they felt sorry for us and finally they decided we were just poor. lol The current home is perfect for the two of us and much easier to care for, less expensive to maintain and pay taxes on. Wish we had done it years earlier. As for those who don’t “get it”, we really could care less. We don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck.
This is something I needed to hear today, thanks for sharing. We are currently living in a home that’s a bit too small for our family and we’re trying to make the most of it. I’m really struggling with being thankful for what I have right now, so thank you for your encouraging post!
To this day I think about someone (family member) that looked at our new house when we built as “to small”, not showy enough He pretty much said it like that too. I said we built our house for us not for show or to show off. Our home is a modest size home for just my DH & I. It most certainly is enough house to clean, but really it is perfect for us. It seems like some people always seem to worry more about what people think. Not us, as long as we could make the payment, & be comfortable it is perfect. Now the same person that judge what we built has been trying to sell there showy home for at least 3 years now.
We are trying to start a budget. I need to find something I can print out and carry with me so I can keep track of stuff. And something to keep track of the monthly bills and such. Anything you can recommend?
Pearbudget.com was great for us when we were trying to start our budget. It is very simple to use and easy to understand. Check it out – it might do what you need. Best of luck!!!
We use ynab (you need a budget). Its software based on envelope system and has apps so you can enter purchases on the go to….its helped us tremendously and does all the calculations for you.
I just made a new one and am thinking about putting it in my smartphone, so I always have it with me.
HI Diane,
I just made a spreadsheet in Excel. You can also just use pen and paper. And there are a couple of good free Excel-based spreadsheet programs out there (just Google “free budget spreadsheet”). If you just want a worksheet, try Googling “Free Budget Worksheet”. D ave Ramsey has a nice one that you at least used to be able to down load for free.
I guess I don’t like anything too complicated. We used to just write down how much income we had, subtract all our bills for the month and then save the receipts for any purchases made and subtract those. Any money leftover went into savings. We’ve gotten more sophisticated (!) since then, and now budget for every expense you can imagine but it was a good starting point for us.
Also, many people (myself included) find tracking every single purchase very tedious. We did that for 1 month to see where the money was going by just jotting down expenses on a piece of paper or my hubby’s PDA (before smart phones!) during the day and then collecting them at night. Now we just alot a certain amount of cash/spending money each pay period and when it’s gone, we’re done – no tracking individual purchases anymore. We do track a month about every 18months or so just to keep us on track, but in everyday life we don’t.
Also remember that budgeting is a fluid process. As circumstances change, so will the budget. So just remember to be flexible and keep working at it until you find something that works for you!
Hope that’s helpful! And best wishes with your budgeting,
Lea
I save all my receipts to record the amounts onto a paper that I made myself that has two weeks worth of menu lists and an expense column on one side, and on the other side, a master shopping list side with several stores and a blank spot for notes. That keeps track of all our grocery expenses – everything that lands in “my” budget, which is groceries, toiletries, clothing shopping, and gifts, along with miscellaneous expenses like going to Goodwill or whatever.
My husband tracks our other finances (like mortgage payment, power bills, etc) on Quicken. Our bank accounts and investments (stocks, whatever) are available to view online. We have been using this system for years, and we love it! I don’t know what my hubs would do without Quicken – it’s his baby 😉
Find a system that works for you and stick with it – even if you have to start out by just writing everything down in a notebook. Once you see numbers on paper, finances are a whole new ball game!
Dave Ramsey of financial peace university has an awesome budget that u can print.
I have been using it for years….it’s a life/money/marriage saver!
Good luck! 🙂
Sherry
I use an excel spreadsheet, but i would loves suggestion for an app!
Check out YNAB! It’s legit changed my life in the 3 months I’ve been using it.
I must be a huge geek because I read the actual book and loved it. : ) I am alright with that too since my major was business and I need to see the facts, figures and statistics to back up such findings.
I was very inspired by reading the book, I canceled a very expensive trip to DisneyWorld that year. I encourage others who are on the fence about frugal living and trying to believe less is more to read the book. Glad you are enjoying it, Crystal.
I also appreciate facts and figures.
My husband is the “nerdy-geeky-loves-Excel-spreadsheets” type and he really enjoyed both this book and The Millionaire Next Door. So I’m guess those of you who are that type would especially love reading his books. As for me, I think I’ll stick with the audiobooks. 🙂
Hi Crystal – Where do you get your audiobooks? My library has a good selection of classics, but rarely more modern publications. I’ve looked into Amazon but have been surprised at the cost.
Did you check InterLibrary loan or what downloads your library might offer online?
That’s silly that people would pity you for making crock pot meals or homemade baby food. I admire a mother who cooks from scratch for her family.
AMEN! People look at us with pity sometimes when I talk about a crock pot recipe that was $5 total or that I make my daughter’s baby food, or that we just bought my husband a new car that is less than most put for a down payment (but we paid it in cash) – we aren’t ‘competing’ with anyone – but we likely have more $$ in the bank than them =-/
I know what you mean. I started making baby food for my first son once I learned it was possible and my second son ate it as well. I make a lot of things from scratch and coupon. When I see articles for $10 meals I think “what!” If I were making dinner for $10, it would include some steak and seafood. My meals are more like $2 meals and we’re completely satisfied.