If you missed Parts 1-3, be sure to read them here.
6. Make Time For Things That Energize You
If you are feeling burned out, step back and evaluate your life. How much of the time are you spending doing things that drain you and how often are you doing things that energize you?
If your answer to this question is that you’re doing little that energizes you, you may have just found the solution to overcoming burnout.
Make a List of Things You Love to Do
Instead of thinking of all the things you have to do or the things you should do, clear your mind for 10 or 15 minutes and just make a list of things you love to do. What excites you, makes you feel alive, refreshes you, and recharges your batteries?
Maybe it’s gardening, having lunch with a friend, going to garage sales, painting, scrapbooking, swimming, writing, or browsing books at a bookstore. Whatever comes to your mind as something you love to do, write it down.
Be Intentional About Scheduling In Time for Things You Love
Take your list and schedule in at least one or two things every week that you love to do. Not only does this give you something to look forward to every week, but it prevents you from becoming too worn down. If every few days — or at least once a week — you’re doing something that recharges you, you’re going to be less apt to ever feel completely burnt out because you’re regularly replenishing your energy stores.
When I did this exercise, it was so helpful for me. I realized that, while I love spending time with other people, I’m most refreshed with quiet. Going and doing and being with people exhausts me after awhile.
So, in order to recharge my batteries, I need time away — going to a coffeeshop and writing for a few hours, curling up with a good book for an hour, or going grocery shopping by myself.
Because I know this about myself, I intentionally carve out at least an hour or two of quiet each week, if at all possible. The stillness — without people and projects and pressing to-do’s — re-energizes me and makes me much more productive and passionate about life.
What If You Can’t Think of Anything You Love To Do?
When I was deep in the midst of postpartum depression, someone encouraged me to try and do something fun every single day. The problem was, I couldn’t come up with a single thing I wanted to do. Nothing sounded fun, interesting, exciting, or even appealing to me. And that was a warning sign that I needed to get help — and to get it quickly.
If you’re feeling this way, please don’t take it lightly. Like me, you may be suffering from something more than just physical exhaustion or fatigue.
Love this…encouraged me to go to the beach this past weekend…so energizing! It really does help:)
You didn’t mention couponing as an activity we love to do! It’s funny how energizing saving money can be. =)
I love your words of wisdom.
I also love that you put a warning out there for anyone who can not think of anything that makes them feel good. Indeed it is a warning sign. I hope it’s okay, but I wanted to mention another hormonally linked reason other than post partum depression that affects women but is so obscure it is not quickly diagnosed. Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) feels a lot like Post Partum Depression but it is cyclical. It’s like PMS x100. It is debilitating and it feels like you have turned into Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde! There are easy treatments (low dose birth control as a low dose hormonal therapy). I was diagnosed 2 months ago and at that time I felt every negative emotion under the sun and spend my entire day using all of my energy to remain stable. Your description of not being able to think of something to go do to make you happy was EXACTLY where I was at. I felt defeated and hopeless but within days of treatment I was on my way back to normal and my sense of feeling overwhelmed is greatly lessened! I just wanted to give your readers something else to look out for if they have lost their ability to find joy or think of anything fun.
This series is wonderfully inspiring. Just what I needed to hear right now. Have been feeling burnout in so many areas of my life. In fact, this type of topic has been on my mind lately, and I started a new series called How to Manage a Busy Schedule. I just feel like we can get so consumed with our to-do lists and we don’t stop to rest or enjoy life. Thanks for sharing this!
http://www.becomingaproverbs31woman.com/2012/05/18/how-to-manage-a-busy-schedule-introduction/
I found when my children were little that the local MOPS group was a great way to meet other moms, have some time that for me and to confirm that what was happening in my life happened with other people too.
This is a good post for me, too. I am “burned out” from constantly doing… I have been thinking that I need to quit at 5:00 PM just like a job because this stay at home job never ends!!! I am constantly overwhelmed with all I need to do and it makes me very unhappy and not too fun to be around. This week I have been sewing and that relaxes me and makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. I am going to take more time to sew this summer. Also, I think reading blogs and pinterest is making me feel like I am never doing enough. I need to realize I don’t have to follow in everyone else’s footsteps… just do what is best for me.
Patti, God gave each of specials gifts. I am a SAHM and I homeschool and you know what I am not a very good cook, organization is not my thing, but I want to get better. I don’t know how to keep a clean house, and I am no decorator. Actually my walls are covered with my kids drawing and papers, so if you walked into my house you will see mostly what I am not, but you know what I have good kids and I love God. Will it matter in teh end if you could turn trash into art or make a mean scrapbook? Though those are great talents, that I myslef wish I could do. So instead look inside yourself and make a list of the wonderful gifts He did give you because there is only one you. And know that every mom I know struggles with how hard it is staying with kids all day without a break. When you read blogs you are reading only what they are and not what are lacking. With me I need more patience with my kids so I ask God each day for it and yes I have gone whole months forgetting to do just this. 🙂
Allison,
I can relate. I’m a single working mom of five kids. It seems like nothing ever gets done…there is always something that needs to be washed. Then I feel guilty if I spent time away for myself. However, it makes me a better mom to take some time for myself. I have even taken a vacation day or half a day off just to have some alone time.
Unless people are in our situation, they can’t relate to how lonely and exhausting it can be.
Take care.
{Hugs!} to all of you single mommies out there. I have no idea how you do — and you have my utmost respect and admiration. I prayed for each of you who commented here this morning.
I’d love to hear specific ways that we who aren’t single moms could come alongside and help those of you who are — if you have a minute to share sometime.
And Allison, can you email me if you have a moment (I’m not sure that I have your current email address)? I know you live locally so I want to help you out in whatever way I can.
Now that I’ve wiped my eyes, thank you for your kind words.
For me, the nicest things that people have done for me over the past three years are just offering encouragement to me. When you are so stressed out and overwhelmed, a kind word saying what a great mom you are means everything. For all the people who send a text, email, or card in the mail, it makes my day.
There are also financial hardships many times when you are single. I’ve had friends who have helped with their time to fix things around the house, replace things that are broken, given me bags of clothes or even send a package of goodies for the kids (and Mom if I can get through). It helps out a lot. There were times when I was completely strapped and I would get a card in the mail with $20. It was an answer to my prayers.
The holidays and summer time are especially difficult because you see all the families together and you feel lonely. This is when it is especially nice to be included in parties, picnics, outings, etc. It is also nice to get a gift certificate to take the kids out to eat, to the movies, or go swimming.
And thank you for making us single moms feel a part of your blog. I always feel encouraged after reading the comments.
I have learned so much from single moms in the last few years and I appreciate each one of you so much (though my heart breaks for each of you and the struggles you face and burdens on your shoulders).
Thank you for sharing so candidly.
Can you email me your mailing address? I want to send you a little something. {moneysavingmom @ gmail.com}
May you be blessed and encouraged today!
Wow Carrie I admire you as well! When the times get tough, just remember to rely on God who will get you through. I would love to help the single moms out there too so thanks for giving specific ways we can reach out.
Does it help when people offer to watch your kids so you can take a break? I only have one daughter and I love it when people offer to have her over for a play date or take her somewhere special. It’s important for us mommies to take some time out for ourselves too!
Erin, thank you for your kind words. Offering help with the kids is a very nice thing to suggest. I rarely get people to help with the kids. I try to do errands on my lunch breaks so I don’t have to ask. I also send my kids to a babysitter full-time during the day, so I really hate to miss anymore time and when my youngest was still nursing, it was almost more of a pain to get everything ready and pump out milk. However, for the older kids, it is so nice for them to get a special outing or playdate. And when I’m down to three or four kids, it seems so easy at my house! : ) Take care.
Crystal, thank you for being so brave to talk about your PPD. I want to ask you what steps did you take to come out of it? I know this is personal, but I know that it may be a big help to others seeking help right now. I myself am dealing with anxiety, and I guess I really need to hear a success story. Not just that you made it, but how. What got you through it?
{Hugs} to you, Jenna!
It’s been a journey of learning and experimenting — and lots of personal growth through the struggles. It’s been so hard, but yet, it’s helped me to become much more compassionate and understanding toward others, learn to get over my pride and accept help, and realize that I can’t do it all and need the help of others.
Thanks for the Hug! I guess it’s just faith and patience. Remembering we all have our mountains to overcome. And it a journey not a destination.
If you can find someone locally whose been through what you’re going through so you can talk and share your experiences, that might be really helpful. You are not alone and you are going to get better. Don’t lose hope and don’t lose heart. Keep reading, researching, talking to others, and reaching out for help.
It was a very slow process of healing and recovery for me, but I came out much more whole and strong at the end than I was before. I feel like reaching bottom and feeling like I was broken in a thousand pieces was such a humbling experience for me, but I’ve gotten to see God slowly put those pieces back together and make me into a new woman with new zest and zeal for life, new depths of compassion, new hope, new drive, deeper and stronger faith, and a better understanding of what really counts and matters in life. I’ve no way “arrived” and am a work in progress, but my journey through PPD was truly life-changing for me.
Thanks for the inspiration. When you are in it sometimes it’s hard to think of reaching the other side of this. I am printing your reply and putting it at my desk as a reminder. You are such an amazing woman! Thank you!
I had PPD and now I help out with a support group we’ve started in DFW (Texas). It’s a terrible problem when doctors don’t talk about it, women suffer silently thinking they are just a bad mom, they should snap out of it, people will judge them, etc. I got through mine with Zoloft and finding a local mom’s group and now I in turn help others because no one should have to suffer the way I did.
I’m so thankful you are now reaching out and helping others. There is *such* a need for that.
Why is is that the doctors seem to just brush it off. With me it’s anxiety, but they don’t have a clue other than to stick you on meds. which in my case made me worse. Aren’t they suppose to help? So I have to spend hours trying to figure it all out, and in the mean time feeling so alone. Only to find out so many are struggling with the same thing. Sorry, just venting. Because you are right, no one should have to go through this alone. Even the people around me treated me like I have some sort of mental illness. We really need the public to know this is a real problem and that it isn’t a mental illness. I had one “friend” call to check on me and I told her that I was doing better but still struggling with my thoughts. Her reply was “well we can’t help you think more positively”. So thank you for going out there and helping so that someone else doesn’t need to feel so alone.
Hi Jenna,
I found a lot of relief with the supplement L-theanine. When I was on medication (Lexapro for anxiety), it helped it work better. When I was off, it kept my anxiety from spiraling out. It was particularly helpful when I was weaning myself off Lexapro, and my brain hadn’t yet entirely caught up with keeping a balance on its own. L-theanine is an amino-acid found in tea leaves. One advantage is that it crosses the blood-brain barrier very quickly (30 min to 1 hour), vs supplements like St. Johns Wort, which you have to take for a month before they reach maximum effectiveness.
I hope you’re feeling better. I also had “friends” who made many an insensitive comment. They aren’t really my friends anymore. Some people won’t understand what you are going though- they deserve some slack. Some will judge you, and they deserve to be cut loose.
Thanks Sara, I am doing much better. But like you know one day you feel good and like you are getting through and then a no so good day. Thanks for the advice.
Jenna,
I have been dealing with anxiety after both of my pregnancies, my youngest is 3 and it is still there. Im on medication, but I still haven’t found relief. Most people don’t understand, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Prayer and faith are the only things getting me through right now.
Jen, I have found 3 minute therapy to be a help. It’s a book, but it is also online FREE and has a worksheet you can fill out to help you with what is causing the anxiety. It has been a huge help to me. threeminutetherapy.com It’s amazing once you start becoming conscious of your thoughts you realize where even the anxiety that seems to come from no where is coming from.
I also struggled with crazy thoughts! Please, anyone feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to regarding PPD/Anxiety. I have been through or heard it all!! wsmorrow at yahoo dot com
For anyone struggling with anxiety, controlling your thoughts, etc I would recommend the book Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. This book really changed my life and continues to help me years after first reading it.
Oh, that reminded me, I was going to recommend Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. That book was such a blessing and encouragement to me.
I had a strong bout with what was probably PPD after my second child. I thought I just needed spiritual revival, but nothing seemed to work. I concluded that it must be a hormonal problem. I was very depressed and almost suicidal, and it took me almost two years to snap out of it. The first year I was home by myself with a baby and a 2 year old. The second year I was traveling almost non-stop with my family to raise financial support to go to the mission field. I’ve never been one to put on a face, but almost every Sunday morning I had to try to act like I was at least happy. I stayed in many peoples’ homes during that time. One day I stayed with a retired nurse and told her about my problem. She said that Solgar brand Bioflavaniods will cure all your female complaints. She gave me a bottle and I tried it. For the first time I had a good month with few emotional explosions. Once I finished the bottle, though, and tried a different brand, I was back to the same thing. I started trying St. John’s Wort, which is easy to find and inexpensive. It actually helped some, too.
I found my thoughts were constantly on myself and my problems. When I was around other people it was easier to think about other thing and other peoples’ needs. That’s why we stay in that prison of depression. I needed to think about something besides me, which was hard to do when I was home alone. Focusing on others, even though it’s hard to do in a depressed state, really does help the problem.
One of my problems was severe sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I discovered when I was especially tired, my depression and emotional problems were worse. But, what could I do with two kids who didn’t sleep well? Life got better little by little as I began to get more sleep. I have three children now, all of which have had food allergies and regularly had intestinal cramps almost every night until they turn two. I’m pregnant with number four and am anticipating two more years of lost sleep. I’m learning to go to sleep early when I can, take naps when I can, take St. John’s Wort when I need to, and ask God’s help for patience and selflessness. God can show you the way out.
Not sure that Crystal wants to share the nitty-gritty of her PPD experience, but I will. I was diagnosed at 3 weeks post-partum with severe PPD. I had thoughts of harming myself (though fortunately not of harming my son). Our pediatrician (who is also a LC and a colleague) diagnosed me and and made me call my OB. I got started on Zoloft (which is safe for bfing) at 50 mg/day and started therapy at the women’s behavioral health clinic at my local hospital. My psychiatrist (who specialized in treating PPD in breastfeeding moms) took me up to 100 mg/day of the Zoloft. I stayed on the drugs and in counseling until my son was 1, though I started feeling better withing 3-4 weeks. Both the counseling and the drugs were helpful in their own ways– the drugs really provided the physiological changes I needed (everyone agreed that my PPD was brought on by hormonal changes and extreme sleep deprivation), but the counseling really helped me understand and make peace with the experience.
Anxiety is a common complication of PPD, and I think my anxiety went away the fastest with the drugs. The depression lingered, but became manageable fairly quickly (i.e. I could get up and function, even if I wasn’t thrilled about it.) I urge anyone living with anxiety to seek treatment– either counseling, pharmacological intervention, or a combination of both. There is absolutely no reason to ruin your own life, and the lives of those around you, but not addressing the problem. Do it for your kids, your husband, your self. When it is all over you will be amazed how much better you feel, and how much your perspective on life has changed (for the better!)
I’m so glad you are doing so much better, but I’m sorry that you had to suffer from severe PPD.
Thank you for chiming in and sharing your story!
O my goodness, did I need to see this post today! My list of to-do is constant, and we all need a reminder to just have fun and make it intentional. Thanks for your post.
I find that recently I have not made time for doing things I really like to do. Life gets so busy it is easy to get carried away with all the things that need to be done. Yesterday it was wonderful to just take some time with the kids to plant flowers in the yard. I bought the flowers over the weekend but had not taken the time to plant them. My kids helped and we all had a great time. I slept better and felt so good today because of it. Thanks for this great series.
Is it inspiring or uplifting? That’s a question I ask about many new opportunities — is it something that will inspire or uplift me — and/or is it a place where I can be inspiring or uplifting to someone? Don’t keep pushing yourself to do something because you have always done it — especially if it doesn’t meet that criteria (it could be PTA meetings, Christmas at the in-laws, etc.)
What motivates me? A husband when he helps out! And yard sale shopping. Although we are living on unemployment (4 months) and some small freelance income, it is a great boost to me to have $3 (last Saturday) and come home with 8 useful items! And the kids were just getting out of bed and didn’t even realize I had been gone. Hubby cooking breakfast . . . great start to the Saturday.
About the library — we are making WAY too many trips back and forth . . . we have SO many books already on our bookshelves — have we read them all? Or do we remember what’s inside the ones we think we “love?” I plan to re-read the books in the house and then keep, toss or donate what’s already surrounding me. Just because I “loved” it in college doesn’t mean it makes sense to me now.
This is a hard one. I’m a single working mom with three small kids, so while I *can* forgo necessary tasks at home and find some time for myself, the extra load of an undone to-do list usually undoes any relief I got! I have to really balance everything and maybe I can afford some time for myself! And forget hobbies – I’m lucky to just get away to the mall or out on a date!
Allison, I agreee, this is a hard one. But such an important one. I’ve never been a single mom however when my older children were younger my husband worked full time at a resturant while he was in Seminary. So I spent A LOT of time as “the single married lady”. The only time I really had to myself was after the children were in bed and I’d spend 15-30 minutes doing something I enjoyed before going to bed. Some nights of the week I’d always do the same thing, for instance on Saturday nights I’d take a bubble bath and paint my toe nails. On other nights I’d decide what to do that day. Even though you might not be able to find an hour or two to spare for yourself, I encourage you to fine a few minutes a day.
One thing that I’ve learned about myself is to limit my time on Facebook. I seem to find myself struggling with contentment issues and comparing myself to others when I spend too much time on it, and that drains me!
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I closed my personal Facebook account because reading about how wonderful everyone else’s kids were and what great moms they were made me feel like a sub-par mom, even though I know that people tend to fib a bit. I really wish more people would keep it real instead of acting like they have it all together because it really is encouraging to know that other moms struggle with the same things I struggle with.
Omigosh, most (probably just about all moms) are just trying to get through our day, amidst the joy and mess of families. And the kids that have struggles and imperfections are most likely working stuff out now (instead of later) and are usually very interesting people (although life might be easier if they were more docile.) At least that’s my very imperfect experience with my fantastic and very imperfect three kids, now 15, 17 and 20. Please don’t ever feel like a sub-par mom, just do your best with your unique family.
I agree. It’s hard enough to be a mommy…and we need to feel supported by each other, not feel like we are in the super mommy competition. My grandfather always said, “those who say the most, know the least.” So….I bet that those moms are going through the same daily grind struggles we are, but feel like they can’t be real about it because it is admitting that it is hard. I am so much happier now since I have gotten off of FB!
I totally agree!! I’ve been actually thinking lately about closing my account. Almost everytime I get on there, I start comparing myself to others or find jealousy creeping up on me. Ive noticed when I get off that Im grumpy and not feeling very good about myself. Anyone else feel this way?
I agree Jen. Just yesterday I was on FB and read a post from a friend who has always been kind of “braggy” anyways. Well, when I read her post that she was in Cannes at the Film Festival seeing Edward Norton, Bruce Willis, Ewan MacGregor, etc., etc., I thought to myself, “Why am I even on here reading this?” I never feel uplifted after checking FB. I’m seriously considering closing my account. Not just because of her post, of course, but I’ll find that any time I go on there, an hour simply disappears and I’ll think, “Wow, I could have done something more fulfilling in that wasted hour….why did I fritter away my time on Facebook?”
I’ve actually blocked people in Facebook. I really don’t want to hear their ramblings about EVERYTHING in their day. I am still friends and can look if I want, but it was a huge waste of time to have to scroll down to get to what I wanted to read.
I left FB last October because I felt exactly the same way. It was a time drainer for me and frankly, it annoyed me .I also didin’t like that my kids were seeing me on the computer, on FB, and it took away time I could be doing something productive with them. I felt like it was becoming a very ‘boastful’ place. And personally, I have never been a groupy kind of person…besides family, I have a small network of friends and that really fits my personality. While technology is good sometimes, it does take away from that personal touch of picking up the phone and talking to someone, or writing a little note….I am much happier since getting off of it…and have rediscovered some of my older interests like crafting, reading, gardening….
Crystal, thank you for sharing abut your struggle with post-partum depression. There is so much stigma attached to admitting and seeking help with mental health issues, and many people are afraid to do so out of fear of being seen as “weak” or “crazy.” It really helps when accomplished women like you are brave and share their experiences.
I am loving this series! I am in the midst of trying to create a lasting routine, and this series is helping me to create a routine that is somewhat burnout-proof!
Thank you also for sharing the experience with PPD. I also experienced it, and every time someone shares their experience I just am again reminded I was not/am not alone!
I love this! I really struggled with anxiety and depression when I was pregnant. I went to a therapist who helped me see that I was using books to try to escape – I could spend hours reading and end up feeling even more depressed. I have learned how important it is to choose things that will make me feel better, not just provide a temporary escape. Not that books are bad by any means – I was just abusing them. :o)
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve actually had to give up reading fiction for a season because I do the same thing, plus I get so sucked in that I hardly do anything else. I use that same term as well. I am a self-proclaimed book abuser!
Do you have to put yourself on library time-outs, too? 😮
Ha, no, we still live at the library practically for my girls’ books and I’m looking into homeschooling for them. So hopefully there’s some great children’s literature in my future 🙂
I did the same thing with TV. When my anxiety disorder was really ugly, at its worst, the only thing that made me feel tolerable was distracting myself with TV. I think I saw every single episode of ‘The King of Queens.’ Thrice. After my medication kicked in, it was a hard habit to break. I didn’t have the confidence that I would feel okay without the distraction. I’m still working on it, although the anxiety has been under control for 2 years now.
Sara, I find myself doing the same thing with my anxiety. Can I ask how you have been able to get your anxiety under control?
Hi Jen,
If you click on my name, through to my blog and leave me your email there, I can give you a more detailed answer.
The short(er) answer- For me, I had to get on a precription to get it under control. The physical anxiety symptoms were unbearable and unceasing. They bled into severe insomnia (something I still struggle against). At the worst of everything, I slept about 3 hours a night for several months, and not at all during the day. My central nervous system was in a constant state of fight-or-flight. I was supposed to be writing my thesis, but instead I moved to the couch in the morning, and spent the day staring into space and crying. I knew I needed a major biochemical reset. For me, going on medication was the only thing that could have helped me. The imbalance was far too severe to be corrected with talk therapy, relaxation, or natural methods alone. I simply did not have any time to waste- letting my anxiety disorder worsen would have had severe consequences.
I requested a medication with a fast response- some take longer to kick in. I put the thesis on the backburner for awhile. (That would end up being 2 years. I did finally finish last summer:) I began working at a coffee shop part-time, then full-time. My coworkers were fantastic and since my husband had long hours, it was very good for me to be around people and busy. I actually started to feel like I could be good at something again. Watching TV made me feel better, so I did a lot of that, until I was functioning a bit better. When I was, I focused on tasks in which I could see an immediate result (cooking, folding laundry, crafts.) No big projects where I couldn’t see an impact (ah, that pesky thesis.) I also saw a therapist. It was very helpful to talk to someone who understood where I was at. I needed to be reminded that I wasn’t weak or to blame for where I was at. I had varying success when I tried to talk to friends and family. Some were amazing, some were very unintentionally hurtful.
Plus, I think therapy is a very important part of the process if you are on medication. Your primary physician might be writing you the prescription, but she is not spending the amount of time with you as a therapist. If you are having a bad response to a medication, a therapist can be on the lookout and catch things that a medical doctor may will not.
Basically, I had to really focus in on what was broken for me, physically and mentally. Finishing my thesis was not important. Getting out of debt was not important. Finishing renovations was not important. If it did not heal me, or strengthen my relationship with my husband, it had to go until I could decide what I was able to let back in. We also saw a therapist together. Eventually I felt strong enough to taper off the medication, with the understanding that I would go back on if I needed to. This is a HUGE trust-your-own-instincts step. Sometimes people have a biochemistry where it is just not safe to go off. I was prepared to be that woman. But I did want to see if perhaps my system had reset itself. To a large (yet imperfect) degree, it had, but I will have no problem going back on medication should that become necessary again.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk! I know how scary and lonely anxiety disorder can be.
Best wishes,
Sara
oops forgive my typing.1 yr old on my lap
I agree.Just going to a few thrift stores restore me.If i find something pretty or useful for my kitchen for 2.00 it makes me want to do a little extra organizing in that room.I might find a couple new outfits and that motivates me to clean out my closet.Im not a big shopper but alway looking for a good deal on things I actually need not just want and when I do it just makes me feel good and more motivated
I SO agree with everything you said! I picked up a couple used planters the other day and I was so happy and excited that it really motivated me to pretty up the yard!
Me too! One of my favorite pick-ups is to buy some annuals to put in a planter on my porch. (The only place where I’ll remember to water them, ahem.)