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When your heart is in your throat, your stomach is in knots, and you just want to run away from it all

Courage & Confidence

I had to get up on that stage. But it was one of the last things I wanted to do…

Months earlier, I’d been asked to speak at the Platform Conference. I was so honored to be offered the opportunity, but I immediately wanted to turn it down.

I’d attended the Platform Conference the year before and I knew the caliber and credentials of the speakers. I didn’t feel like I fit.

So much of the time, I feel like I’m limping along at this blogging thing. I’ve made so many mistakes. I don’t follow most of the advice the experts tell you that you must if you want to be successful. And, most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.

But I keep doing it because I love to write, I love the beautiful community here, and because I believe wholeheartedly that this is the calling God has for my life right now.

“I’m Not Worthy”

However, speaking about my blogging journey on the Platform Conference stage? That felt way outside of my comfort zone and outside of my skill set.

In fact, my first response after I was asked to speak was, “I’m not worthy of that stage.”

And I meant that to the depths of my being.

But as soon as my friend and manager, Brian, heard me utter those words, he looked me in the eye and bluntly said, “You have a message that God has given you. I want you to go up on that stage and own the message you’ve been given… because people need to hear it.”

The Lies That Hold Me Back

Brian knows that I’ve been going through a personal healing journey the past few years. Healing from years of believing lies — that I’m not talented enough, experienced enough, qualified enough… that I’m just plain not good enough.

These lies have held me back from many things — in my personal life, in my marriage, in my friendships, in my parenting, and as a businesswoman.

Part of discovering healing and wholeness in my life has been the result of recognizing these beliefs as lies and committing to replace them with the truth.

I’ve been blessed to have truth-tellers in my life like Brian, and my husband, and my other manager, Joy. People who are willing to call me out when I’m letting the lies dictate my behavior — like I was when I responded that I wasn’t worthy to speak at the Platform Conference.

unnamedBrian & Joy, my amazing managers — I am so very grateful for all that they pour into my life and for how they are such truth-tellers in my life. Their advice, counsel, and wisdom has transformed me as a person from the inside out.

Accepting the Opportunity — With Fear & Trembling

I knew I needed to get up on that stage and share. I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I might not be the most eloquent speaker or the most techie speaker or the most experienced speaker, but I had a message of hope that would resonate with those in the audience.

So, with fear and trembling, I accepted the speaking engagement many months ago. And then I promptly shoved it to the back of my brain so I could focus on other more pressing matters.

Well, and because I sort of wanted to forget that I had committed to something like this that was another leap outside my comfort zone. 🙂

The Text That Rocked My World

Fast forward to a week and a half ago. I had left on Friday morning to speak at Hearts at Home on Saturday. It had already been a long week. I was tired, spent, and just wanted to go to bed and sleep for hours.

Instead, I was sitting in my hotel room on Friday evening trying to take my outline for the Platform Conference talk and turn it into an actual talk.

And then my phone gave that familiar sound letting me know that I had a text message.

I picked up the phone to check to see who had texted me. It was from my dear friend, Michele.

As I read the text, everything inside of me turned inside out. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

No, no, NOOOOO!!!!

This couldn’t be right.

I read it again. I tried to breathe but it felt like everything around me was going dark.

A suffocating weight came over me as I realized the gravity of text message.

Michele’s cancer was back.

It was incredibly aggressive.

She needed surgery, intense radiation, possibly chemo, more surgery, and even more radiation.

Not, Michele. Not the woman who has suffered so much. The woman who just lost her dad to cancer. The woman who has poured so much into me. The woman I love so much.

I Couldn’t Function

I needed to work on my talk for the Platform Conference, but that was the last thing on my mind then.

I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t function. Couldn’t think.

After three hours of trying to calm myself down, I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up the next morning. The heaviness was still there. My heart hurt so much.

But I had to get up and get ready to go speak to hundreds of women at the Hearts at Home conference. I felt like I had nothing to give them… but I had to follow through on my commitment.

Putting One Foot In Front of the Other

I prayed for grace and strength, mustered all the courage I could, and got up on that stage. God was so faithful to carry me through that talk and the next. Then, I made a beeline for the airport to catch a plane to take me to the Platform Conference.

All the while, I was just focusing on putting one foot in front of the next. That’s all I knew to do.

I needed to work on my Platform talk, but every time I pulled my notes out, all I could think about was Michele. The woman who had spent hours helping me craft every talk I’ve given over the last year. The woman who has inspired me in huge ways as a public speaker. The woman who has loved me, encouraged me, and been such a gift to my life this past year.

I got to the venue for the Platform Conference around 11:30 p.m. I was spent, tired, and heavy-hearted. You know the kind of tired where you’re too tired to fall asleep? That was me.

Gratefully, I was finally able to fall into a deep sleep Saturday night and get a solid night’s rest. I would need it for the next few days!

Hitting A Brick Wall

My Platform talk was still far from done, but I was at a loss as to how to move forward with it. I’d hit a brick wall.

Jesse was flying in with the kids on Sunday. He was going to drop them off at his sister’s house in Boulder and then drive to meet up with me in Colorado Springs. I was so very ready to see him!

I was also so very ready to figure out what I was going to say for my Platform talk. The closer it loomed, the less prepared I felt.

Me & Michele

Me & Michele at the Platform Conference — plus her soon-to-be-released book that you must pre-order!

And then, I found at that Michele was going to be able to come to the Platform Conference to emcee it and give the closing message. It made me so happy that she was going to get to come as I knew she would want to be there.

But on the other hand, it scared me a lot to know she was going to be there in the audience, hearing me give this talk that wasn’t ready at all and just didn’t seem to be coming together. She’s the pro at this, she’s never heard me give a live presentation, and the last thing I wanted was that her first time to see me on stage would be me stumbling along making a fool of myself.

Refusing To Give Into Panic

Instead of giving into panic like I wanted to, I decided to ask Brian and Jesse to go over my talk notes with me. They graciously agreed to spend a lot of time reviewing the talk with me and by the time we’d finished, the talk had been completely revamped and I was actually getting excited about it.

I finished the outline at 11 p.m. at night and then spent the next hour and a half reviewing it on my feet, out loud… er, more like a whispered since it was close to midnight!)

I was scheduled to speak at around 10:45 a.m. on Monday morning. While I didn’t feel ready, I knew I just had to go up there and give it my best shot.

As the time for my presentation loomed closer, I started to panic. How am I going to do this? How am I going to go up on that stage in front of all these successful people? Why did I say yes to this opportunity?

And how on earth am I going to deal with speaking right after Michele introduces me?

Jesse could see the fear rising in my eyes, so he took me in the foyer and just prayed for me. And then he gave me a pep talk and told me that I was equipped for this moment. I had to separate myself from the emotions and heartache I was feeling over Michele and just focus on the task at hand — to go give this message to these people.

More Courage & Confidence Than I Knew I Had

I prayed for confidence, took a deep breath, and went up and planted myself on that stage and gave the message of my life.

From the moment I stepped onto the stage until the moment I walked off, I felt more courage and confidence than I knew I had in me.

And guess what my message was on? The Three Lies That Are Stifling Your Success and the Truths That Will Set You Free.

The lies? “I don’t know where to start.” “I don’t have time.” and “I’m not good enough.”

Yes, I am still a work in progress when it comes to replacing these lies with truths. But I had the opportunity to practice what I was preaching right while I was preaching it. 🙂

When you want to run away

I shared this picture on Instagram and said:

Yesterday: I punched fear in the face and stepped in front of an audience I had been nervous about speaking to for months. I felt unworthy, I wanted to run away & hide, but I knew that God had given me a message and I needed to own that message and get up on that stage and deliver it with all the courage I could muster.

And friends: it is the most beautiful place to be when God shines through in the midst of our weakness and insecurities! Without Him, I am nothing. With Him, I can do all things — including stand on the #platform14 stage, deliver the most powerful & authentic message I’ve ever given, and get a standing ovation. Yes, that’s God!!

—————————

Stop running from the things that scare you. Start facing them head on. Believe the truth about who you are in Christ. Own the gifts and messages and callings God has given you. Live with courage and boldness. You only have one life to live — don’t spend it sitting on the sidelines in fear!!

P.S. Would you join me in praying for Michele? There are no words to describe how much my heart hurts for her and what she is facing over the next six months.

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99 Comments

  • Kimber says:

    Thank you for this message. And thank you for giving us the opportunity to pray with you! Many people will be praying for Michelle. As always, thank you for your example of faithfulness.

  • Luba says:

    Thank you, Crystal, for such a beautiful post! Without God, we are nothing, but with Him, we can do all things–even speak after our dear friends have received such devastating news. My husband told me at the beginning of this month that it will be difficult, and it has been. Praise God that we have Him. I will be praying for Michele and for you.

  • Laura says:

    The fears my heart is dealing with at this time are small compared to what others may be facing. Tonight I fell asleep as I tried to make sense of some tough school work.. I have this one class to pass before I finish and I strongly considered just quitting school (I’m 43, mother of 2 small children and 1 college aged kid) because I feel too dumb. My heart felt heavy too because the stress caused me to binge eat and guilt consumes me for falling short on my fitness goals… I happened to check your blog and oh! How inspiring you are! I listen to the lies all of the time! I will pray for Michele… Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    • {Hugs!} It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate right now. Give yourself grace… and know that you aren’t dumb. You are gifted and talented, and the world needs you to own the gifts and talents you’ve been given!

  • B.Kay Jones says:

    Crystal, I love the way you communicate and share your vulnerability. I fight the same lies every time I get up to preach or share a platform of any kind. In some ways I think it is God reminding us of our intense need for His presence. It’s that longing in our heart that says, “If your presence doesn’t go with me, I don’t want to go!” Every great leader in the Bible recognized their weakness and their utter reliance on God to do the world changing tasks they were faced with!

    I’m so proud of you for the great light you are being in the world. I’m thankful that you share your struggles, so that others can see your dependence on God and also call on Him when they are in need! You are the real deal, a true servant of God. I hope to one day have the opportunity to meet you! You inspired me to start blogging.

    God bless you and give your strength to be a blessing to your friend, Michele. God’s put everything in you that you need to do the work He has equipped you to do and He has surrounded you with amazing people to enhance your journey! God’s best to you, sweet friend!

    • Aw, this comment encouraged me so much this morning. Thank you for your words… and I hope that we get to meet in person sometime soon!

      • B.Kay Jones says:

        I’m glad you are in Nashville now! I live in North Alabama. Maybe God will arrange a time for us to meet. I’ve always felt like He would one day! Untilthen, thanks for the ininspiration you’ve lenderto my life!

        Stay balanced and keep your eyes on the prize!

  • Laura Murfin says:

    Thank you for your testimony and sharing how Christ has made you an overcomer. I enjoy your wisdom and insight. Your example has been an inspiration to me.

  • Kathy says:

    What a powerful message. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • Joy wheeler says:

    I enjoyed it from my bedroom!! That is so me with my fears, anyway I know of a book that would be benefitical to Michele. Cancer: step outside the box! It is a more natural cure for cancer! Please look into it ASAP!;) much love, support and prayers

  • Crystal, thank you for being an example of courage. You blessed me at Hearts at Home, even though I knew you were struggling. It occurred to me on the way home that though there were many gifted speakers there, your words were the ones I was dwelling on. You were an encouragement to me.
    Praying for Michele right now.

  • Robin says:

    My prayers for Michele!

    Also for you, you are such an amazing inspiration to so many people like me. I love how real you blog is. You have brought me so much over the last few weeks that have been timed so well with things in my life and helped me so much. I just hope that one day I can fay it all forward.
    Thank you so much for all that you do!

  • Marianne Hardy says:

    Very proud of you and thankful for your honesty.

  • Susan Johnson says:

    Prayers being said for Michelle. Very proud too of you Crystal. Way to face a challenge head on. I enjoy your blog and am usually a silent “stalker”. Have a blessed day.

  • Victoria says:

    I clicked over and saw that picture of all those beautiful children and my heart sunk further than it had when you said a friend had cancer.

    Lord I pray that you strengthen Michelle for the the battle ahead of her, and that you heal her physically here on earth, that she go on to have many more years watching those precious children grow up. Lord give those children comfort and understanding, hold them tight as they go through this struggle with their mom.

    I am also so proud of you Crystal, it has been so amazing to watch your journey over the years. I still remember the day my neighbor came over years ago and said “you have got to check out this blog”. You ignite courage and a “I can do it” spirit in more women than you know.

    • Thank you so much for praying for Michele. That means so much!

      And thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and for being such a blessing in my life! I’m so grateful to your neighbor for introducing us! What a gift your friendship has been to me!

  • Cheryl D says:

    PRAYERS for your friend Michelle, and PRAYERS FOR YOU as you continue your journey in believing!! Your voice is powerful, keep believing and sharing your heart!! ❤

  • Andy Traub says:

    I’m praying for our friend and I’m proud of you for being obedient to God’s call on your life. And your husband is a stud.

    • Thanks so much, Andy!

      And can you believe we did not even get one picture of us together at Platform?? I got home and realized that and was so sad. Of course, it was freezing cold at the Broadmoor and snowing, so I’m not sure that it would have been all that great of a picture, but still, #majorfail. I guess that means we’ll have to go back sometime soon… 🙂

  • Oh this resonates so much with me! Thank you so much Crystal for opening your heart up as you always do. You are such an inspiration and beautiful soul! I am praying for Michele and I can’t wait to read her book!

    • I’m just finishing up her book and it is a MUST-read, especially for anyone who has walked through challenges and heartache and difficulties in life.

      Thank you, also, for your sweet encouragement!

  • So SO wonderful to read this and it’s amazing how in our weakness He is strong. My heart is hurting about Michele too and I AM praying. So. Very. Much. Blessings to you Crystal!!

  • brandi says:

    Prayers for your sweet friend!!

  • Cheryl says:

    Thanks for sharing. Loved all that you wrote, but especially was grabbed by the line “Jesse could see the fear rising in my eyes… and just prayed for me.” What a testimony to Jesse’s faithfulness to God, and to the beautiful work God is doing in you. Tears came to my eyes, just from knowing that as a “fixer”, I probably would have pep-talked first, and prayed second. Thanks to Jesse for that priority reminder.
    Praying for Michele. Can’t imagine her journey, but grateful that God will be with her every step.

    • Jesse has an amazing gift for knowing what I need when I need it. And he’s SO wonderful to continually be encouraging me, pouring into me, listening to me, praying for me, and loving me. I am humbly blessed to be married to him!

      And thank you for praying for Michele!

  • Betsy says:

    Thanks for your openness, Crystal. I’m so sorry about your friend, Michele. This encourages me because I just found out yesterday that a dear family friend, who’s had struggle with cancer for several years, just learned he has a spot on his lung.

    Praise God that you could overcome your fear and get past challenge to share your message!

  • Dena says:

    It is true. We are not able. We are not good enough. But our glorious God is able. To God be the glory. May His name go forth, His will be done and His strength be given to you to accomplish that which He has called you to do.

  • Bunny says:

    Crystal-

    Try standing taller when you are photographed. Your body communicates that you are shrinking back. Own yourself and the moment and be the presence in pictures that you are in writing.

    • I’m definitely working on that! Thanks for the encouragement!

      By the way, the picture of me with my managers? That was taken over a year ago… and I’m so excited for how much I’ve grown in my confidence since then!

      • Lydia says:

        Way to reply so graciously to a rather harsh comment. 🙂

        • Susan says:

          Lydia, Bunny’s comment was not harsh. I’m sure she meant it in the kindest of ways.

          I’ve noticed that too — Crystal often looks hunched over in photos, or leaning into the person next to her. That kind of posture makes one appear as weak, as if holding back, insecure, and appearing ancillary to others in the photo.

          Crystal is an amazing, smart, strong woman. Her writing epitomizes that. I’d love to see photos of her that also portray those qualities. Stand tall Crystal!

          • Based upon what’s been going on in my heart in the last year, I think you’re going to see a lot more of that confidence showing up on the outside, too. At least that’s my hope! 😉

            Those who know me well have been commenting over and over again in the last few months at how much more confident, relaxed, poised, and strong I’ve seemed in situations where — just a year or two ago — I would have been completely scared and insecure.

            It’s been quite the journey, but I’m so excited that all the work on the inside is starting to clearly spill out to the outside.

            Thank you all for how you encourage and cheerlead me in this. You all are such a blessing to me!

          • Lydia says:

            Yes, I think you are right, Susan. I replied further in a response below.

        • Sarah says:

          I did not read the comment as harsh. Maybe because I had the same thoughts when I saw Crystal’s picture. We know how amazing she is and we want her to stand proud.

          I struggle with the same insecurity issues, and a couple of years ago I started “faking” confidence by standing up straight and it has helped me a lot.

          • Lydia says:

            You are right, Sarah, I doubt that Bunny meant the comment harshly. I appreciate you pointing that out.

            I am a blogger too and when I read that comment I immediately cringed because I know how I would have felt reading it about me. It feels risky putting yourself out there for all the world to “see” and makes you extra sensitive to anything that sounds slightly negative. But it’s one of those things that just goes along with the job. I was coming at the comment and Crystal’s response from that angle. But I think what you said was a good reminder for me to err on the side of assuming the reader is wanting to be helpful. Thank you!

  • Kate says:

    Praying for Michelle, and thankful for your blog!

  • Lydia says:

    Wow, Crystal, what a powerful testimony and experience! I appreciate your authenticity and honesty. And I agree with Brian. God has blessed you with incredible abilities- you have a message that is impacting thousands. It’s a big responsibility but also a wonderful gift. Blessings to you as you continue to be intentional in how you use both your abilities and your message. You continue to be an inspiration to me.

  • Guest says:

    Lifting Michelle up in prayer for healing, for peace and for strength.

  • Alison says:

    I’m so glad I read your story this morning. I absolutely love your blog and it has brought me so much encouragement in my life. Sending love, prayers and encouragement your way 🙂

  • Randi says:

    Many many prayers for Michele, her recovery, and her family.

  • Jackie Taylor says:

    I will be praying for your friend. I went through a difficult divorce a year ago, and I know the power of friends praying for me and sending me encouraging notes. God delights to hear the thoughts of our hearts.

  • Jackie says:

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. I remind myself daily of our Father’s power and ability. I appreciate so much this real and true post. Prayers for Michele.

  • CJ says:

    I am sure that many have been in situations such as yours, when you already have stressful situations going on and then something terrible happens to add to the stress, the worries. However, you faced your fears and, as most do, I am sure you feel stronger for it.

    Many prayers for your friend and her family, may she have a full and healthy recovery!

  • Lori says:

    It blesses me so much to be able to watch and see what God is doing in your life! So inspiring!

  • Dina Steenerson says:

    We are all praying for Michele’s healing.
    Matthew 18:20 “For where two or more are gathered together in My name, There am I in the midst of them”

  • It’s awesome when we’re God-powered, isn’t it? When we step out in faith and He shows up. Great job! Keep taking those steps.

  • Melissa Mae says:

    When I crouched in front of you and we talked in your booth at the Hearts at Home conference just before you left for the airport, I felt your hurting and deep concern. Although you didn’t share these details with me, I knew that something was hitting you hard and deep. I prayed for you intentionally off and on for the rest of the afternoon and evening and into the next day. I can’t imagine standing on a stage and delivering a impassioned message on a good day, let alone doing it with emotional and mental anguish. Thank you for being willing to follow God to do that! And thank you for your words of encouragement to “Believe the truth about who [I am] in Christ. Own the gifts and messages and callings God has given [me].” I learning to put down anxiety and deceptive thinking, so I can do exactly this. Thank you and keep paving the way!

    • You have no idea how much our conversation meant to me at that moment or how much I needed to hear the words you shared. I felt like God sent you to our booth as His angel to encourage me when I was so weary. Thank you for listening, for sharing, and for being obedient to come talk to me. You may not have known why, but God did. And I told multiple people about how much your words of encouragement blessed me.

      I’m so grateful that you commented so I could personally tell you thank you. Your life is a gift!

  • This was such a powerful post. Thank you for sharing it. So sorry to hear about Michele. I will pray for her.

  • Sheila Smith says:

    I guess I don’t put much stock in photos or posture. Most are done on the fly and half the time there is a distraction which account for people not being “ready.” You were all looking at the camera – my only request to my family/ friends.
    Sorry to hear about your friend Michelle. I’m a breast cancer survive so I know the drill.
    You know and live your topic. The people around you want to see you succeed and help you get there. When it came down to the wire it was Faith/Family/Friends that helped you. Look how much confidence this has given you. Would you be where you are today in you personal journey if you had declined this? How wonderful that Michelle got to introduce you. What a great memory to have between friends. It’s kind of scarey to be in front of a group. Some folks seem to be naturals and then there are those of us who have to work at it so we don’t flat out decline the opportunity or panic and run out the door. Is this available for us online anywhere to listen to? Those are my 3 classic whines. I need the attitude adjusted.

    • Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement! If you email me, I’ll see if I can get a copy of the talk to you. No promises, but I will do my best to pull some strings and make it happen. 🙂

      crystal @ moneysavingmom.com

  • Erika says:

    What a great message this is Crystal. Fear can be very debilitating, but with God all things are possible! Now if only I can put one foot in front of the other. Will lift Michele in prayer. Thank you for being courageous.

  • Pamela says:

    I love your blog, have loved it for the last year (when I first started reading blogs).
    I was not able to go to the Platform Conference. I would have loved to be there, but it wasn’t in the budget. And with 2 little kids there is no way I could have gotten away. I did what I usually do when there is a conference I want so desperately to attend; I followed the hashtag on twitter.
    I was excited to see the tweets coming when you took the stage. The lies you were speaking of, those are ‘truths’ about me. I have been telling myself these things and believing them. There are parts of my life that I know I am good at. But then there are parts where I am not good enough, I am out of my league, no one wants to hear what I am saying. I appreciate your talk! I didn’t need to be in the room to benefit greatly from what you said.
    Thank you for showing your vulnerable side in this post. It means more to me than you know.
    I will still struggle with finding time between diapers and “mama will you”s. But you have helped me silence the doubt for now.

  • Kim says:

    Love your post! I wanted to encourage & pray with you about Michelle.

    Lord, You wrote in Gal 3:13 that “Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.’” And You wrote in Deut 28:27 that tumors, & therefore cancer, is a curse, & in verse 61 that “every sickness and every plague, which is not written in this Book of the Law,” are also curses, so that covers cancer. In Math 21:18-21 & Mark 11:20-25 You cursed the fig tree to dry up & bear no more fruit & it withered away, it dried up from the roots. You also told us to SAY to the mountain “Be removed & be cast into the sea” & to not doubt, but to believe these things we say will be done. And Lord Job 22:28 says if we declare a thing, it will be established for us, so light (Jesus) will shine on our ways.

    Is 55:11 states, “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” So Lord, I’m praying Your word. Lord, You said in Eph 5:1 to be imitators of God & You said in John 14:12 that if we believe in you, the works that you do, we will do also. You healed every sickness & every disease (Math 9:35). You spoke to sickness & disease & it left. So I declare right now, according to Your word, that Michelle is redeemed from the curse of the law because you became a curse for her, & therefore Michelle is redeemed from cancer. I say, mountain of cancer, dry up & bear no more fruit in Michelle’s body. Cancer, I curse you at your very roots. Cancer, shrivel up & die. Cancer, be removed & cast into the sea. Cancer, GO in the mighty name of Jesus.

    I encourage you to print this/these scriptures & pray it over Michelle every time you pray for her. God’s word will not return void. It will accomplish what it was sent to do.

  • Michelle says:

    Crystal, thank you again for your willingness to share your journey. My mentor spoke some wisdom to me once while I was preparing for a talk at a ladies weekend. She said that the very thing I was preparing to speak about would be what the enemy will target the most in my own personal life. I’m so thankful for the victory over fear we can have. I’m so proud of your courage and trust in God that He would equip you for the task. Praying for your sweet friend for complete healing in Jesus name!

  • Emilie says:

    read and repeat often: I only need to be good enough. I do not need to be perfect. God has given me talents and wants me to use them.

    this is what i am trying to tell myself everyday.

    I am also trying to accept compliments as the truth and to see that by giving an excuse (oh, it’s my job or it’s not a big deal) in response can hurt them.

    Thank you for your openness and honestly!
    And prayers for Michele.

  • Debbie says:

    Crystal,
    Thank you so much for your vulnerability and authenticity. I struggle with fears and lies that satan continues to try to put in front of me. One was sent my way just a few hours before seeing your post. I know the timing is God appointed. Thank you for allowing Him to use you to speak truth to me and know that I can face whatever lies ahead.

  • Beth says:

    I love this testimony of God’s awesome power to work in us and through us when we are just willing to let Him. It really spoke to me as I’ve had some disappointing things happen the last few days that are trying to get me off track as I move forward. Thank you for being willing to share your true self! 🙂 And I’ll be praying for Michele.

  • B Landis says:

    Crystal – is your talk posted somewhere that we could listen to it? Those are the same lies I struggle with and have been told that it is holding me back in my career. Very hard thoughts to overcome especially the I’m not good enough lie. I would love to know how you have been able to make changes and become more confident. Were there any books you found helpful as you made these changes?

  • Leia says:

    Thank you thank you thank you

  • Thank you for sharing!!! Everyone struggles with something, even if they look like they’ve got it all together. Great message! 🙂

  • I am soooooo proud of you! You KILLED it at the Platform Conference. Seriously! You shine, girl. Our Father is proud of you.

  • Mary Ann says:

    I just saw Michele at the Charlotte Women of Faith event this past weekend. She was the host.

    I had no idea what she was battling. Will be praying for her!

  • I cried through this entire post. I am so devastated for Michele for all that she will have to go through, and for her family and loved ones to have to experience this pain with her.
    Crystal, your post was so beautiful on so many levels – your courage, your faith, your humility, your admiration and love for your friend. I have been thinking about this almost non stop since I read this yesterday and praying for Michele every time I think of her! I’ll be holding her in my heart as she faces each new trial and I will pray for strength, courage, wisdom, faith and peace.

  • Stacy KM says:

    Oh, Crystal, I am so glad to hear that God pulled you through during this experience. And not only that He pulled you through, apparently He pulled you through MIGHTILY! I would love to see that speech. Is it on youtube or anything?

  • Jen says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your story and how God pulled you through. I think one of the biggest lies is in thinking that we are the only ones who struggle with feeling inadequate. I know in my head that I can rejoice in my weakness because if there is success, God is going to be the one who made it happen. However, it is so easy in the middle of the situation to panic at the extent of how ill-equipped I am on my own to handle what God has called me to do. Thanks for being transparent in your story as I could so relate to those same feelings when God has called me to something that I didn’t have the strength to do. The only cure for lies is to fight them with truth, and the truth is He is able! Praying for Michelle and her family as well as for you. Thanks for your ministry!

  • So sorry about your friend. I will pray for her, for her family and for all those supporting her, including you. There is nothing worse than watching someone you love suffer.

    And I’m so glad that you were able to put your fears and insecurities aside to give your talk. I love the expression, “I punched fear in the face.” I may have to still that phrase the next time I am pushed out of my comfort zone. 🙂

  • Tricia says:

    Trust me those doubts you have about yourself truly are lies. Looking from the outside in I cannot believe someone as talented or beautiful would have those kind of thoughts. But in a strange way they make you even more beautiful and more relate-able for those if us faithfully following along at home. I will pray for your friend I know how it feels when someone you care about is ill. X

  • Lachelle says:

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time. My aunt just found out the week of her son’s HS graduation that her brain cancer had returned. She is headed out to Houston today for a week of appointments and surgeries and follow up. I just spoke with her a moment ago via text and was reminding her how strong, courageous, sweet spirited she has remained throughout her ordeal and that She was in the best place… In the hands of the Lord. Her response was a poem she shared with me: “The nicest place to be is in someone’s thoughts. The safest place to be is in someone’s prayers. The very best place to be is in the hands of God.” Won’t you please share these thoughts with your friend tonight. ((HUGS))

  • Kristie says:

    My baby sister and my sister in law are both fighting cancer right now.. They both have had surgery and their cancer had spread.. They’ve giving my baby sister 2 years to live.. He has for beautiful kids that are 14,12,9,2 that need their mother because they lost their father 4 years ago.. Cancer is no joke and I pray your friend beats this nasty thing and she will be in our prayers.. God bless you all

  • Melissa says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I can relate to so much of this post, from self doubt, to horrible surprises in life. Definitely going to preorder her book!

  • Adrienne says:

    Hi Crystal,
    I know it’s been almost 2 years now… I’m new to your website. How is your friend Michelle? Your story above was so touching that I had to ask. I pray she is well.
    Thank you for your website and MOYM course! I’m a new mom (but older… Started late) and I’m going back to work and masters in September!!! Yikes! Preparing now so that’s why I signed up for your course. I’m encouraged as you speak of many of the thoughts, fears, ideas and plans so similar to me. Thank you!
    Adrienne (from Canada)

  • Sarah says:

    Is there somewhere that I can view that talk? I so need to hear that, right now!

  • Becky says:

    I will be praying for her. Such a powerful post Crystal. Thanks for sharing!

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