Early one morning recently, the kids were still in bed and I was up soaking in the morning quiet.
It was a rare peaceful reprieve and I knew that I probably had at least another 30 minutes or an hour before the rest of the house woke up.
There weren’t many pressing to-do’s. I had a calm day. And I was just enjoying reading my Bible, writing in my journal, and planning my day.
In the middle of this bliss, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Sure enough, Silas had gotten up early.
And in typical form, he was ready for breakfast as soon as his feet had touched the floor.
Honestly, I wanted to let out a sigh. This was my quiet time — something I hadn’t had much of recently. And now it had been interrupted earlier than I expected.
Not only that, but Silas needed help. Immediately, he was asking, “Momma, can you make me oatmeal?” “Momma, please can I have a bowl.” “Momma, could you get me a spoon?”
Momma this. Momma that. The requests kept coming and I started to feel frustrated.
And then it was as if I heard a little voice say to me, “Choose love today.”
In that moment, I couldn’t really change the fact that my son was up. I couldn’t really change the fact that he was hungry and needed my help with getting his breakfast. But I could choose my attitude.
I was amazed at what a difference that little phrase made for me. I focused on loving my little boy. I invited him to help me make oatmeal. I smiled at him. I listened to him.
Instead of irritation, frustration, and tension, we started off the morning in a peaceful, happy way.
When your quiet is interrupted and you want to be annoyed, choose love.
When your child needs you over and over again, choose love.
When you want to be frustrated, choose love.
When your toddler asks you the same thing again and again, choose love.
When your 3-year-old spills her juice and the dog knocks over the glass vase, choose love.
When your husband is late from work yet again, choose love.
When your co-worker doesn’t pull their fair share at work, choose love.
When your 10-year-old needs you to stay up and help with their homework when you are tired after a long day, choose love.
When your teenager is struggling over something that feels petty, choose love
When you feel irritation rising up, choose love.
Lalena Chacon Carter says
Yeah, I needed to hear this right about now, Saturday night and my 7 year old daughter is having stomach issues and has an accident I am trying to catch up on other things, she looks at me with her I am sorry look. Choose love….
Amy says
I attended the funeral today of a friend’s child. This message is perfect and hit home. Chose love. Take a breath and respond with love.
Debra says
When your parent with Alzheimer’s has the same question over and over again choose love
Marie says
Where did you find the bracelet choose love I sure could use it at this time in my life. Thanks for wisdom, strength, encouraging words, even at my age I need it. Being a 65 yr. raising a grandchild has it’s challenges.
Crystal Paine says
It’s part of our new line… we’ll have them available for sale in our store soon!
Heather says
Thank you for the reminder that these are not interruptions in our lives but opportunities. Opportunities to choose love.
Christine says
Oh Mamas, enjoy these years with your kiddos! And keep on “keeping on” at choosing love. You’re doing a great job. And, it’s such good practice, and builds up your perseverance for when you’re really going to need it — for when those little kiddos are young adults! Enjoy your day — it’s a gift. 🙂
Brandy @ Our Thrifty Home says
Beautiful!
I love how God knows the words you need to hear and at the right time. Especially when you are feeling a little ‘mommy guilt’.
One thing I enjoy about reading your blog Crystal is how real you are with your readers.
Thank you!
mila says
Yes! right on point. I have to take a deep breath an take a few seconds and pray a little before I start screaming at my kids. Choosing love is key. I always think back at my own youth and think of how my mom responded…not always so nice and it quickly makes me switch my attitude. The last thing I want my kids to think of me is being “screaming mom.” Thanks for sharing.
Margaret says
My children are a little bit older now, so it’s easier. But we started this when they were younger. Everyone eats together..for breakfast and for dinner (mostly – as once in a while one of the children might not be home). So if someone would get up early, they knew they had to wait until everyone was up. And we all eat the same thing too. I’m not a restaurant and don’t prepare different things for different kids. They all know that. Grandma did for my husband and still does for my boys, but they know it’s different at home. So when someone got up earlier, they knew they had to wait for everyone else!
Jennifer says
Love this!
Emily says
Wonderful reminder! So simple, but not always the first thought.
Sometimes my interruptions include my 3 year old wanting to be held by me. I have remember that there will be a day that she will not want this…and then I’ll miss it.
Kim says
Choose love. How simple is that? Like most things in life that are good for you, “simple,” doesn’t necessarily translate to “easy,” does it? Nevertheless, it is so worth it as the payoff is enormous. Thanks for the reminder!
Janine says
Yes! This is where I am at so many times. I find myself fighting the situations I cannot change rather then receiving them as an invitation from God to tap into His love and peace. I like this quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh, “If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass you live more richly those moments.”
Laurie says
Thank you so much for this, Crystal! I have been trying to change my immediate reaction to unexpected trials throughout the day which unfortunately is usually anger and frustration . This is a great reminder that I need to stop, breathe and choose Love! Ahh…I will be working on this.
Jaime says
Thank you, Crystal.
Marie says
I really needed this today. Thanks for always sharing honestly and blesses us with your words.
JG says
This was a nice post. I’m having a bad week and dreading going to work tomorrow. But I’ll try to remember to this. I may not be able to choose love but I think I can remember to be nice.
Noelle says
Thanks for the encouragement. I have a 5 month old that doesn’t want to go to sleep and I read your post just when I needed it.
Corie says
This is such a perfect post for me to read today. This evening, when I was just starting dinner, my 14 year old daughter, who’s been dealing with depression, started yelling at me and her 9 year old sister for what seemed like no reason. I was irritated and frustrated, especially since I was in a time crunch because my oldest daughter needed to be picked up in less than an hour. I was short with my 14 year old and I turned the corner to go to the kitchen. Before I made it to the kitchen, I went back to my daughter’s room and said “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day”. I sat on the futon next to her and for the next 45 mins, I listened to her, held her hand, prayed for her, put mood boosting essential on her feet, and stroked her hair. Now, instead of staying in her room for the rest of the evening, she’s playing a board game with her dad. Thank God I was able to choose love!
Alyssa says
Like so many others have said, this resonated with me. I know it’s something I need to do.
But how?
I remember your other post, Crystal, about how you pray or have a tea party. How do you flip that switch? How do you stop yourself from just getting frustrated? I don’t know how to force myself to “choose love” when I’m already in the midst of other emotions.
How?
Rebecca Schultz says
I will especially need this for work tomorrow. I work at a restaurant at NASA in Florida and tomorrow alone I will be working a thirteen hour shift for the Orion launch. Instead of being grouchy and frustrated, I will do my best to love my coworkers and customers.
Jennifer says
This post was for me! Many nights I have to help my middle-schooler with his homework, especially math, which was my worst subject and is now his. We are both up late working on it and are tired. We both need hugs! I will try try to remember to choose love during homework time 🙂
Margaret says
Thank you for this very needed post! This is something I struggle with daily… I make my plans and then my 3 small children (5,3, 6 mo) interrupt them. I hate how I often respond with impatience and shortness of temper. I want to choose love, patience, and grace, so that they feel loved and not like they are an inconvenience. I am going to print your words and put them on my fridge.
Leslie says
I love the conscious effort that is made. So often our unconscious behavior takes over.
Also, try the oatmeal in a rice cooker 🙂 He can do it himself and feel proud of his accomplishment!
Steve Kobrin says
What I like about this idea is this: sometimes people interrupt you, or are chronically late, or do something else about which you can legitimately complain; however, it is much more constructive to do so when feeling positive about them. That is how love can help.
Shannon says
Wonderful post! Thank you. I need this today.
Annie S says
Thank you for this reminder, Crystal! I am struggling to do the same as my toddler has been getting up earlier — AND not napping well! As a pregnant mama working two jobs from home while my husband is in school, quiet time is precious indeed! And yet this is a sweet soul for me to love. May the Lord give us grace to pour out HIS love and know that He will give us all that is needed–and then some!
Anne says
Annie, your budget might be too tight, but you might want to check out the okay to wake clock that I mentioned in a post above. It has helped our toddler with early waking. Said a prayer for you.
Anne
Annie S says
Great idea, Anne! Thank you for the insight — and the prayer!
Blessings,
Annie
Danniele says
Thank you for this word. I receive it, and will act on it. This was definitely from The Lord. Confirmation comes from where you least expect it.
Blessings to you and your family.
Dana says
Loved this post. It reminds me of the Only Love Today mantra that Rachel from Hands Free Mama encourages.
If you haven’t read her book or aren’t following her blog, I highly suggest checking it out. She has been such a blessing to me.
http://www.handsfreemama.com/
Crystal Paine says
I LOVED her book!
Suzanne says
Beautifully said, Crystal.
heidi says
Lovely post! Here is just a teeny bit of advice that has worked so well for us. The kids get themselves a piece of fruit to eat when they get up. This holds them over til bedroom chores and personal devotions are done. By then, I’m making breakfast (we home school).
Sandie says
There are days I find ‘choosing love’ and giving myself grace so hard. I do my best to make all the best choices. Thank you for the reminder.
Stephanie Brock says
Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed the reminder this morning.
T says
I LOVE this. I need to hear this, read this, and be reminded of this everyday. Thank you Crystal.
Laura Z says
Thanks! I SO SO SO needed this today! 🙂
Karen Wilson says
That saying ” Choose Love Today ” would make a nice poster to hang on the fridge for a reminder everyday . Sometimes frustrations just take over the day . Thank you !
Diane says
Great reminder. It is so easy to get frustrated sometimes (not only with the kids, but with the husband as well) – choose love today is a great reminder that I love my family. I would rather choose love than frustration with them. : ) I am going to write this on a post – it note and put it up on the bathroom mirror to remind all of us to choose love today…everyday. Thanks! : ) Glad you had such a nice morning with your son, too. God will bless you for listening.
Gina says
Thank you! I was feeling overwhelmed to the point of tears this morning. We are scheduled to close on a new house Friday. My husband is in the hospital getting some test done and I have a little one sick with a stomach bug. I wanted to be angry with my husband for needing me to drop him off this morning and frustrated with my daughter when she threw up all over the van!! I have stuff to pack and a house to clean!! Sometimes I think God challenges us so that we can put things back into perspective. I NEED to choose love today!
Guest says
I love the heart of this but I do want to share the perspective that Moms shouldn’t feel guilty for setting boundaries and saying no (which I know you agree with as well!). My husband and I both work and really need sleep. One of our children was getting up super early every morning and is the same way – as soon as his eyes open, he wants to eat! We’ve worked with him for the last 6 – 8 months to help him realize you don’t have to eat as soon as you wake up and that we (parents) need a bit of time to get moving in the morning.
We have seen such a maturity in him through this process (he’s 4). Now if he wakes up before everyone else, he knows that he can play quietly with his toys and will have breakfast when we’re up and about.
Prior to this, he didn’t play very well by himself and sort of thought (as many children do :-)) that the world revolved around him. By playing alone in the morning, he’s now playing so well by himself at other times which is great! He also used to wake up quite grumpy and demanding. Now that he has essentially required play by himself time, he has more of a chance to wake up and work on his attitude before joining the rest of the family.
Sorry this is so long and I do appreciate the heart behind this. I just think these posts can sometimes make moms feel like they have to drop everything they’re doing or they’re not being kind/investing in their kids/choosing love. Teaching our children to wait teaches them patience. Teaching them to consider others teaches them respect.
Once again, it comes back to balance!
Meagan says
Wonderful perspective and comment!
Cari says
I agree. While it’s very important to choose love (they really don’t mean to upset us) we also need time to take care of ourselves. Those times, I tell them, not now, mom is human and really needs a break right now:)
Guest says
I do something very similar! I use it is an opportunity to remind them how important it is that we think about what we need and that we communicate it politely and directly to others. Then I say that Mommy really needs to…whatever that it is whether it’s completing an important task or having a sanity break. 🙂 It’s so important for all of us to be able to communicate how we are feeling and what we need to others so I figure I’m modeling a pretty darn important life skill!
Sarah says
Choosing love is a wonderful way to approach situations in which I’d normally just reply with irritation or yelling. However, You are also right about setting boundaries.
What Im taking away from this is to be more conscious of my reaction and to decide if what is needed of me is more of a priority than what Im already doing. For instance, I hug and cuddle my 2 year old often but I dont want to be bothered when Im trying to cook, clean or sit at the computer to pay bills and balance the checkbook.
To me those are the situations in which he just needs to be patient because if I dont take care of those responsibilities and put them off for later, it will cause me to become overwhelmed later.
Either way, I definitely needed to read this today.
Guest says
Definitely agree. As I said, I love the heart behind this and it is indeed all too easy for us to respond in anger. Our preacher when I was growing up always said that the definition of love is doing what is right by that person. Sometimes choosing love is lovingly and firmly setting boundaries or delivering a difficult message. Sometimes choosing love is choosing to let something go/not address.
If your husband is repeatedly late getting home from work with no warning and/or discussion, that’s disrespectful and it’s perfectly appropriate to have a conversation letting him know how that is affecting you/the family and asking to work together to come up with a solution.
Alicia says
Agree 100%! Such a thoughtful comment.
Anne says
Really great point about boundaries!
My tip for moms with toddlers who wake early: we bought an Okay to Wake clock on Amazon. It lights up at 7 am so if our toddler wakes up before then, and it is not lit, she knows we won’t come to her room and get her. It is still dark before 7am here so she just lays in bed and talks to herself. We also use it for nap time and if she wakes up early, she looks at books in her room. When we bought it, she was getting up closer to 5 or 530 am so we gradually pushed the wake up time back until we got to 7am. Her bed time is 7pm and toddlers need more sleep than she was getting so it really is a win-win!
Guest says
We bought the Teach Me Time clock from Amazon which does the same thing! Unfortunately ours broke after awhile but by that time, he was used to playing in his room with the door closed until we got up. We had used it with our older daughter prior.
We even took that clock on vacations – it’s wonderful!!!
Anne says
Needed to read this today. Don’t know if I’ll actually follow through. I work 40 hours a week, have an active 2 year old boy and am 5 months pregnant. I feel like a failure that the dishes and laundry are piling up, we eat freezer food from the grocery store for dinner and I’m lucky if the floor gets swept once a week.
Sheila Smith says
You do what you have to do to survive some days. They won’t die from frozen store food. There will be a time when you can actually cook, do dishes and laundry ~ Just not today. If anyone ever says you look tired, invite them over to watch the little one and take a NAP. Do not cook or clean – nap. With enough sleep everything looks possible.
Jennifer says
Hang in there Anne! Freezer food from the store is better than fast food 🙂
Anne says
Anne, you are in survival mode right now. It is a phase, and it will pass even if it doesn’t feel that way. Said a prayer for you just now.
Anne
CLAUDIA says
Thank you for your words as I read them I’m having my quiet time during my devotionals and morning readings my baby is still asleep but my teen girls are at it with my 6 year old and I’m just breathing. …choose love choose love before I even open my bedroom door…thank you have a wonderful day. Needed this right about now.
Abbey says
Wonderful, wise words! I’m a freelance writer and I’m often “interrupted” by my kids early in the morning during time I’ve set aside to work. Today, I will choose love instead of feeling frustrated when they walk into my office earlier than expected. Thank you for helping me shift my attitude!
Stephanie says
Thanks for the reminder. It seems simple yet it spoke volumes to me as a reminder of something basic. Thanks, I love your blog!
Vee says
I thank God for this post! I needed to read it and I have shared it with others.
Today’s commute was rainy and long and my child cried the whole way!!!!
When I read this, I smiled. Thank you!
Doretta says
Thank-you for allowing God to use you to speak to me today. Why do I ever find it difficult to give love to someone else when receiving love speaks so deeply to me?
Jessie Lowe says
Thanks.
Cari Thompson says
After a hard day yesterday, I really needed to read this today. I will choose love. Thank you for your perfectly timed post.
Nancy B. says
When my days are long and my patience are short, which is pretty much everyday, I will think of you and this post! Thank you for sharing!
Kristen says
Oh my how this post has touched me! God is so good, I needed this today! Thank you so much for sharing! I have been struggling lately with my 4 year old and have been loving on him no matter what, it is so difficult at times, this is giving me the strength to push on! If I continue to pour love onto him he will soon lead by my example, as he had lead by my example of a short fuse. It isn’t about me changing my son but me changing as a parent to love more and realize they are just children and can’t do everything right the first time. I want to not be frustrated when my alone time gets interrupted by an early riser, and love. Thank you so much for sharing!
faith says
this. !
I had that bad attitude yesterday mornig. baby girl had been up for a midnight party and my son woke up early no less., and woke both the girls up. I had yelled before I had even been awake 15 minutes.
today? woke up with baby girl at 4 am and said a thankful prayer for a good night sleep. and when 6 am came and Ashton woke up I gladly got up and enjoy some snuggle time with everyone in my bed.
I chose love today too 🙂
seeing a post that hits close to home is so amazing!
Jackie says
What a great post. Thank you for this. I woke up so tired and am going to follow this path as we embark on our homeschool day after a long break.
Allyson @ All Our Days says
What a great reminder, Crystal. Definitely something that everyone, in every season of life should strive for.
Today, I’m going to choose love even though I was up late and back up early with a fussy baby and teething toddler. I’m going to choose love when my little ones bicker. I’m going to choose love even when my to-do list doesn’t get done.
Crystal Paine says
“Today, I’m going to choose love even though I was up late and back up early with a fussy baby and teething toddler. I’m going to choose love when my little ones bicker. I’m going to choose love even when my to-do list doesn’t get done.”
I LOVE this. Thank you for your encouragement!
Jessi Fearon (@TheBudgetMama) says
I really needed this today. Thank you so much for the reminder! 🙂
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I need it, too!
Alexis says
Thank you for this! I’m exhausted today and it’s not even 5am. I’m 34 weeks pregnant and was up most of the night with my sick 18 month old. Choose love will be my mantra today. Every day, but today especially.
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I am so sorry! You are in a hard season and I wish I could come over and watch your 18-month-old and do your laundry so you could take a nap.
Lana says
I can hardly believe how big that baby boy is getting! This is the season of life that you are in right now. I know people say it ALL of the time but it really does go by so quickly and then you will be in a quiet house every day. And you will miss those footsteps coming down the stairs so very much. Love this season and cherish it!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for these wise words of encouragement!
Brenda Beal says
I needed to be reminded of this! Thank you!