Guest post from Liz of The Hesitant Housewife
When my husband and I decided to become debt-free, it was a firm decision. We had a plan, a timeline, and a finish line.
We forged ahead day after day, week after week, paycheck after paycheck, and chipped away at the mess we’d gotten ourselves into. We got second jobs, sold cars, sold our home, canceled everything, and said “No” — a lot.
If you’re working on getting out of debt right now, you can probably relate. It’s like a diet, in a way. Once you see those pounds melt away, you become so motivated and you press on, full steam ahead. However, like the old saying goes…
Keeping it off is the key!
We’ve been debt-free (except for our home) with a fully-funded emergency fund, contributing to college funds as well as retirement accounts for nearly six years now. I thought breaking the chains of credit cards and instant satisfaction was difficult during those 18 months, but I wish I had known the hard work had just begun.
Here are the five lessons I’ve learned about staying debt-free.
1. Mourn the spending.
The first few months after becoming debt-free will be exhilarating! After that, however, you will realize how little you can do with cash compared to credit. Talk with your spouse often about your feelings and struggles.
2. Tell Everyone and their dog about your success!
I find telling people about our debt-free lifestyle, the blessings it has bestowed us, and even blogging about it, has held us accountable. You are much less likely to fall back into old habits when people are inspired by your story. It’s like a workout buddy!
3. Make some “debt-free and loving it” friends!
I really struggled with feeling alone in our lifestyle when saying “No” had become the norm. Having a support group to make you realize the sacrifice is worth it will help you stay on track!
4. Make special plans to splurge.
Whether you decide to save for a big splurge like a vacation, a home improvement project, or a date night — spending money on something that makes you feel successful and is really healthy on a regular basis.
5. Find new hobbies and ways of enjoying life
If you were deep in debt, you most likely did things and shopped a lot. Adjusting to being at home and bored can be shocking. Going anywhere except the grocery store can be a bit depressing.
Plan fun, free activities that make your life feel full! The library, new parks, free community events (say “no” to the $4 snow cones!), and even volunteering can help to keep your mind off buying!
Do you have any other tips for STAYING debt-free?
Liz is redefining ‘having it all’ while being a homeschooling housewife. She enjoys finding strength from God’s word, the Today show, talking on the phone with friends, and being real about finances and parenting. She’s blogging about homeschooling and much more over at The Hesitant Housewife.
I totally agree! I wrote a similar post about our debt free ride. You have to learn to maintain. It’s never over. Here’s the link if you want to read it. http://customslipcoversbyshelley.blogspot.com/2014/04/our-debt-free-ride.html?m=1
Thank you for sharing your story! We will be debt free except the house in November. (Well, actually, January, because we took out a tiny loan to help replace our broken A/C in this Georgia summer!) We’ve started working the numbers for the next baby step and I’ll admit…I’m frustrated that “It ain’t over!” However, I see friends making foolish financial decisions and my heart aches for them-because I know how scary That Place is, and I don’t want my family to ever have to go back there. One cool thing is because I am so vocal about our progress, we’ve inspired a couple of other families to be weird too.
August 2013 my family will be totally debt free….no house payment, no car payment, no more credit cards or student loans! If you knew where we started, that is amazing. I found that even if we aren’t pushing the debt snowball that intensely we are still making s great deal of prgoress just because our spending habits changed so much. We are still “living” but the choices we make on what we spend our money on are not attached to guilt strings. I remember every vacation, shopping trip or purchase we made when I walked away feeling bad becaue I knew we really couldn’t afford it. We still go out sometimes but the places we go have changed and it is not as often. I don’t feel weird telling people “sorry already spent our eating-out budget for the month. Do you want to try sometime next month?” We had lots of friends who disappeared after we started having kids and we had a few disappear changing our spending habits. That’s ok with me. I am much happier now than I ever have been!
What an awesome story Jess! Thanks for stopping by and reading my post!
What a great post!
I have about $25,000 in debt and am trying to figure out where to start. Right now it feels so overwhelming. Part of the debt is due to bad decisions, but most is medical-related. Visiting the ER several times and then having non-insurance covered surgery makes for a very expensive year.
I’ve heard of Dave Ramsey and looked for one of the FPU classes but the closest location is over an hour away. Can I still get the same information if I read the books? I think they may have them in the library.
I love this site. It’s so full of ideas and encouragement that I always make it a point to visit. My goal is to be debt free soon. I know it will take sacrifice but the end result will be so worth it!
I love it! This is where my husband and I are at right now, working towards being debt-free, and all of those posts are so positive and inspiring!
Great post! I agree that staying debt free is hard, but it’s definitely worth it 🙂
I became debt free today when I paid off my car! I am really excited and appreciate your tips!
Woot! So excited for you!
Congratulations! 🙂
This blog is one of my main motivators for my goal of becoming debt free. I’d wanted to be debt free, but my husband and I were never on the same page, never funded an emergency fund, and were just digging a big hole. When I decided to have a second child about 3 years ago, I started living frugally when it came to groceries, diapers, etc. I began couponing and making things from scratch, but I still had no plan and my debt continued to grow. When I got our tax return, I put $1000 away for a small e-fund and used the rest to pay debts. A few months ago, my husband and I made a budget together. So far, we have paid off one and a half credit cards. We still have a lot of work to do. I find it hard to say no to some things so sometimes I compromise. My nephew in a different state was selling pasta for fund raising. With shipping, it would cost almost $14 for one bag of pasta. I just couldn’t do it. I asked my sister to select a bag for them and I sent her $7 – the over-priced cost of pasta – no shipping.
Amie…..thank you for sharing!!!! Sounds like you’re doing great!! Yeesh…$14 bags of pasta! Ouch!! LOL. I have trouble with $1 generic bags! Thanks for reading my post and commenting! I appreciate it!
I think it is a great idea Annie that you made the compromise and paid the $7.00 and let them keep the pasta instead of paying the $14.00 for pasta you didnt really want or probably need. That seems like great way to work it out. I’m sure when your kids do the fundraising thing they will repay the favor!
Finding some ‘gazelle intense’ friends would be so great. I am shocked at how many people try to pressure me into spending, criticize me and flat out tell me debt free is stupid. My husband and I are not near being debt free but we are learning to live on little and have learned to be content with what we have. I am very open with others about my ‘strange money ideas’ but with the criticism has come many who have started trying to save and spend less. It can be a little lonely at times, but the people who I can inspire are all worth it.
Amen Jessica!!! Thanks for reading my post and commenting! I appreciate it! Good luck on your journey!
Jessica, I’m just starting out on our path to eliminating debt and I can’t believe the things people say too! Its almost like they are offended by my effort in saving money. And I get made fun of too! The couponing, the brown-bagging it, when I say I’m at my spending limit, they say ” I thought you and your husband make good money?” or “I work hard for my money!”..ummm, so do I! Its just the beginning for us too, but thanks to this blog, I am rejuvenated, motivated and I never feel alone!
Find people who share similar goals. Not just the debt-free life, but also the lifestyle you want to have. It can be discouraging if you’re choosing to live debt-free on a single income and are surrounded by people with a lot more cash, even if they’re living debt-free, too. You can start to get the “I want I want I wants” even about good things, like saving for kids’ college & retirement.
It’s really helpful for me to have a friend or two who are living debt-free or nearly debt-free and who also have lifestyle in common with us: lower income in order to do what we think God’s calling us to do, single or single + income, LOTS of time home with kids.
I guess what I’m finding to be most helpful now is to think LESS about money and MORE about the life we get to live now that we’re out of debt– how are we freed up to spend time with our children? To serve? To move near family? To take a job at a non-profit that can’t afford to pay as much? Or whatever the specifics are.
I’ve found this with weight-loss as well. Sometimes when I’m trying to lose weight, it’s like all I can think about is food. And even if I’m making “healthy choices” in terms of what I eat, I don’t think it’s necessarily all that healthy to spend so much time and energy thinking about food, period. I think it’s the same way with money.
I pray for contentment, so that now that we are debt free, we’ll continue to give God the glory for bringing us here, and prayerfully seek out where His Spirit leads us.
All great points Katie L.! Thanks for reading my post! I appreciate it!!!
Three ideas to combine eliminating debt with keeping your friends:
1. If you can, have a budget for fun. Use that money for an event with friends. Some venues are quite inexpensive, such as minor league baseball.
2. Have parties at your house: pot luck, BBQ, game night, movie or sports events, etc.
3. If you go to a bar or club, have a soda instead of an alcoholic drink. I can’t think of a bar in the US (I’ve lived in most parts of the country) that charged me for refills and half didn’t charge for the first. Even better, many places will give you the first drink for free if you’re the designated driver.
Those are great tips!
With our particular group of friends, a “cheap” event turns into costing a fortune. A pot luck or game night at someone’s house ends up costing us $30-$40 for a sitter! Our house is too small to host. No one is interested in sharing sitters because they almost all have family in town. It is kind of like other said. After a while, we just stopped being invited.
Are you upset that you no longer get the invites? I am very perplexed by this thread. Do you feel that your friends are being rude by not inviting you? Honestly, we had friends invite us on a trip that we just couldn’t afford to go on. We declined, nicely. I certainly wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t invite us again. It just seems natural to me. Sometimes, my husband will go and I will stay home or vice versa if we can’t get sitter or afford for both of us to eat out. It kind of lets us still have a social life of sorts. A lot of these posts make it seem like your friends are being “mean” by excluding you.
I think I just get frustrated that we never really get to hang out with other couples or other families.
Well that makes sense. I think it helps if you have friends that also have kids. You can center your activties around them. A lot of our friends don’t so the activities are not always kid friendly so either one of us stays and the other goes or we just don’t.
Thanks so much for the encouragement!
One of the things that has really helped me this year is finding girl friends who are “debt-free and loving it” too. One gal is a huge Dave Ramsey fan, and better at all this than I am. Another gal is just starting out on the road to being debt-free, and asks lots of good questions. Another gal is debt-free, but her husband just went back to school, so they’re making lifestyle adjustments. Two other gals just had their third child on a single salary.
When we lived in Minnesota and first started following Dave Ramsey in early 2010, we lived in a very wealthy area where few people seemed to understand our lifestyle and I had few friends. Here I am so grateful to have many friends who “get” us and our choices. They rejoice with us when we reach our goals, and help us to find inexpensive ways to enjoy life. 🙂
That’s wonderful Jessica!!!! I totally understand! So many people in our homeschool community here totally ‘get it’ and I can be really open about certain situations, financially! Thanks for reading..I appreciate it!
We live in a wealthy are too and it does make it hard. We do have frugal friends but it has taken a while to find them!
My husband and I are trying to pay his tuition and pay off some debts though sometimes we are just barely staying afloat. Instead of flat out saying no when our friends invite us to dinner or events, we tell them that we would love to see them but cannot afford the event. Most people are understanding and we can do something cost-effective instead. In fact, being honest that I cannot afford things has made some of my friends feel comfortable opening up about their own financial difficulties. But friendships and memories are more important than dollars so we try to save up for special fun trips and events with people we love.
I agree Alice! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
J, there is a great forum and support group for Dave Ramsey followers at llnoe.com! I love it over there, it has really motivated my debt free journey!
I understand your frustration finding people who understand this. We do not even bother sharing anymore with our friends because most do not understand or have excuses “why they can’t, etc.”
Have a vision. One friend said, “do it for your children.” It is better to owe no man anything, but love.
A lot of times we use money that was given as a gift for things around the house that we’ve been waiting to get(new lamps, comforter, decor, etc.). When I look around our home, I’m amazed at how much we haven’t paid for simply by being patient and waiting for those times of year(birthday, Christmas, anniversary). You can do the same with earning Amazon gift cards and things like that.
I have found that you appreciate things more when you wait for them.
This is such a true post! My husband and I got out of debt in May 2011 (after almost 6 years of paying off debt). It has been really wonderful being debt free but it is a slippery slope. We haven’t picked up any debt but we are also surprised at how much we have started spending. We are working to reign that back in as we do have other goals we would like to obtain. I think that’s a big key – keeping your eye on the bigger picture. You MUST maintain a common goal that you are both working towards. If not, it just feels like senseless sacrifice! As for shopping, etc. my husband never enjoyed shopping (his debts mainly came from divorcing his ex) so he’s fine. I do find myself having to ask if I really need something – I’ve bought some things I/we didn’t really need. I’ve been reminding myself that even if it’s a good deal, if I don’t need it, it’s $ wasted regardless of the deal! I do reward myself once a quarter by going to the mall – I get my free Godiva chocolate, free tea sample from Teavana, sometimes get Starbucks if I’ve scored a free gift card (from Disney Movie Rewards or somewhere), get free panties from Victoria Secrets, get free item from Bath & Body Works. Occassionally, there’s a free offer somewhere else. I love waiting to see when the sales/promos all line up and I can go to the mall for free or darn close to it!!! Always fun. Just remember, we all slip up from time to time – give yourself a little grace and forge ahead! It is SO worth it!!!
Suzanne H: YES YES YES!!!! I feel the same way! We slip all the time now. Luckily we never fall back into debt…but it’s really daunting when an emergency does hit (like our house getting struck by lightening a few weeks ago)..and POOF…TWO GRAND gone from our emergency fund. Now, we’re really saying ‘no’ again to replenish it. However, we’re still trying to say yes here and there and enjoy life too. Thanks for reading my post and commenting! I’m glad you ‘get it’!
It sounds like you have a great day. Others might need their fun days to be closer together. Twelve weeks apart is pretty far. I like to go to thrift stores and just see what is there. Sometimes I buy something for a few dollars. Sometimes I get flowers at the grocery store or farmers market. It is important to have a little fun. I think Dave Ramsey is right when he says that you won’t be able to stick to a budget if there isn’t any “blow” money.
~ Christie
For me, the trick has been allowing some grace. I moves and started a new job in July. From day 1 I said I would give myself about 7 weeks grace period to adjust to my new paychecks. They are quite larger then my last job and I have different expenses with the new house and city.
This grace has been wonderful. But now I’m ready to get back to saving and paying off debt.
I TOTALLY agree! We have to do this often!!! Especially with kids! Great advice! Getting back on the train is key 🙂 Thanks for reading my article! I appreciate it!
Excellent subject for a post and great ideas. Not out of debt yet, but it is nice to know that it won’t be all smooth sailing once I am there.
Thanks ‘B’! You’ll get there! Keep truckin’!! It’s worth it!!! Thank you also for reading my post! I appreciate your time!
Thank you, this is a REAL , tell-it-like-it-is post. I found it VERY encouraging. We have lived a debt free (besides the house) lifestyle for awhile also, and what you wrote is really how it is.
Thanks Chris! It’s NOT easy. The raises don’t DOUBLE just because you’re debt free…but we do feel like the blessings have! Our stress is so minimal now as well. We still make a VERY modest income, but are happy! Thanks for your comment!!!!
It’s so hard to say no to events with friends! I get asked to go out to the bars with friends…..ALOT! I also live over an hour away from all those friends, so of course I have to say no. We are currently $50k in debt and plan to be freee of debt by December 2015- I have to graduate school in May first before we can really begin the process!
Thanks for this post. We visited Dave Ramsey’s show last Thursday and screamed we were debt free from the lobby. It was so exciting! I’m sure my facebook friends are sick of me posting pictures and “Dave” comments. We are just starting to fully fund our emergency fund, and it feels very daunting. We are still in the “no” stage. But, we are trying to be realistic and have money for some fun here and there. I know this is nerdy, but I download Dave’s podcasts and listen to them when I run and grocery shop. It helps me to stay motivated.
What helps my husband and I to continue to stay out of debt is setting goals. It is so easy to coast now that we are completely debt free, but there are still other goals that we would like to accomplish. One other thing that helps is reading this blog and books on saving money. Though I rarely learn anything new in the books, it is a good reminder that little choices can make a big difference in your finances. Sometimes I just need a little extra motivation!
That’s awesome!
WOWOWOOOW!!!! Gina!!! That is SO exciting!!!! I wish we could have done it from his lobby!!! We did it over the phone (with my classroom of 1st graders!) LOL! Congrats!!! Oh…and SIX years later….we still have to say ‘NO’ ALL the time! You’re not alone! Thanks for reading my article! It means alot!
Your advice is really good. We are on this path still after 5 years (sigh) and all I need is a friend to talk to about it. Everyone I have tried to tell thinks we are weird. I know we are compared to how they live. A support person would be wonderful. It truly isn’t fun after so long. We are stuffing everything on our home so we can be debt free totally.
We felt the same way. We had a couple of friends that were trying to get out of debt, but none of them were as aggressive as we were. Most of my friends wanted to spend time shopping, going out to eat, and going to events that were expensive. My husband and I spent many evenings home alone, but it has been so worth it. We never have found those frugal friends, but we have found that we are happier and have less stress because of our decisions.
I hear you on that one, J! It’s so hard to do it with no support from friends:) Keep on plugging away!! Thankful for places like money saving mom to come and share our stories and garner support for our choices and sacrifices.
Too true! No one seems to care who Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman is 🙂 Except for those of us who frequent Money Saving Mom 🙂
When friends have asked us to join them eating out and year after year and we said no they just don’t understand. No one asks anymore. Sort of like we are lepers or something. They take vacations, eat out, etc, all on credit and we don’t use credit. If we have any extra money it usually goes for shoes or something necessary.
I know just what you mean. My husband and I have had the same experience. We used to get asked to go on trips and things with people but we don’t get too many offers nowadays. Although that also has to do with us having a child 4 years ago and none of our friends have kids. It is so very hard. I went to a local coupon swap and met someone very nice there. We had a lot in common, including boys the same age, but she has been very wrapped up in family things (which I don’t have) so our friendship never really blossomed. If you ever need to vent, email me suzyqpon at yahoo dot com.
Its nice to hear that someone had a similar experience. My husband and I were the first of our friends to get married and have a child. Due to an unexpected job loss my husband was a stay at home father for 4.5 years. A lot of our friends and family thought we were weird because my husband was at home and not me, we said no a lot to going out because we just couldn’t afford it nor did we want to go out at 6 or 7pm when our son needed to be in bed or was sick. People without kids just don’t realize how much time it takes, or how much your kids want or your time, or…. Lone story short we have a strained relationship with my husband’s sister and her husband and have lost many friends because we weren’t fun anymore. Where do you live Suzanne? Thanks for your offer to vent. 🙂
ps- We’re now in the process of paying off debt and are still saying no to everyone. Its hard because people assume that with my husband back at work we should be taking family vacations, etc…
It takes a friend to be a friend. You could invite them to free activities. Concerts in the park. Church socials etc. There is always pot luck dinner @ your house and include games. Remember all the cheap stuff you did for free in college. It dosen’t have to be expensive to have friends.
You have a point. I really think it just boils down to we have nothing in common. Our choices for life are polar opposites. I don’t have a problem with that except I really have nothing to say. We don’t gamble, etc. and the issues are much deeper. I didn’t really notice until we changed. So it is our issue not their problem.
I totally understand ladies!!! We went through the same thing when we were becoming debt free and still do! You can read the things that happened to us in our debt free story on my blog:
http://thehesitanthousewife.com/our-debt-free-story/
You say they are treating you as a leper which has a negative tone to it. If you decline the invite, why would they keep inviting you? It would kind of be rude to keep inviting you along if you don’t want the invitations.
“Normal” is broke and living paycheck to paycheck! Stay strong!! You’ll get there and it’ll feel great!
Dern right Natalie!!!!
Yes, Natalie, I totally agree. When a couple invited us out to eat (we couldn’t make it that day), I looked up the menu for the restaurant online and almost had a heart attack. I spent less money for the two of us for groceries than one entree costs at the restaurant. We don’t go out to eat unless we have a gift card from someone, and we just don’t spend money unless we have to. My husband absolutely loves how much money I spend by doubling coupons at our grocery store as well as playing the drugstore game. No one else may care how frugal I am, but my husband does 100%, and that makes it worth it to me! 🙂
J…that’s AWESOME! 5 years is a long time to be truckin’ away…but getting your home paid off would be such a blessing! We’re working on it…SLOWLY. Not nearly as aggressively as we could be. I understand having friends to talk with also! I have two good friends who ‘get it’ and it’s really nice to have that encouragement! Thanks for reading my post! I appreciate it!
You’re right, having to come to the realization that using a credit card to get what you want now is so much easier. BUT. The freedom in life that you hand over every single time you use it is so not worth it. We choose not to be owned by our stuff. I want to live in a future that I am able to take advantage of opportunities that are presented to me rather than be obligated to a past material possession.
And I agree that having special times that you are planning on splurging is crucial.
I agree Trish!!! I think it’s even more so for my husband! Giving up little things like a nice entry hall mirror or a pedicure doesn’t compare to the stress reduction on my husband and our marriage! It’s really a WEIRD..but WONDERFUL lifestyle!!! Thanks for commenting and reading my article! I really appreciate it!
I love how you mentioned that if you shopped a lot, staying at home can be boring and a shock. I still love to go to stores and see what they have. Here’s what we do to make it easier. We carried a notebook when we decided to go look around in a store. If we saw something we liked we wrote down the following, “do I need this……” and gave a full description and what it would be used for. I remember one of my favorites was, “do I need this oversized large ceramic glossy looking pumpkin that has no purpose other than to sit on my hallway table.” The pumpkin was beautiful however, when I got home, I made my hubby pull out our autumn stuff. Low and behold, there were tons of beautiful fall things to decorate my house with. I didn’t need the other pumpkin. Sometimes slowing down and asking yourself if you need something is key. However, I still got to go through one of my favorite stores and get inspired by decorating my house….all for free!
Home decor was/is a big pitfall for me! Oh HOBBY LOBBY! I just can’t walk in there in the fall! It’s so hard for me. However, over the years, I just realize I have to shop really smart with coupons and try to use what I already have!!! Thank for your comment on my post!!!