Guest post from Aileen of Aileen Cooks
I never thought I would be a stay-at-home-mom before I had my first child. I took pride in working and did not feel the need to change anything.
My husband had mentioned the idea of my staying home once we had kids, but I never thought we could afford it. In fact, we couldn’t afford for me to stay home — I was bringing in almost half of our income!
We live in the San Francisco Bay Area — an extremely high-cost area — and we had an expensive mortgage. There was no way it would work for me to stay home. I had to keep working.
Then, my son was born.
Boy, did my mind-set change!
I could not imagine the thought of leaving him, but I also didn’t think there was any way we would be able to survive on a single income.
When my son was 3 months old, I went back to work part-time. However, even with a part-time schedule, I was unhappy.
I mentioned this to my husband a lot, almost daily. I did not want to work anymore — I wanted to be home with our baby. I felt like I was missing out. So, we made a plan.
First, we figured out what our bills would need to be in order to survive on a single income. We would need to make a lot of changes, but we were both determined to make it work.
Here’s what we did:
- Cut out the non-essentials. No more trips to the nail salon or daily trips to Starbucks.
- Contacted every company I thought would work with us and requested a lower rate (Internet, Cell Phone, TV) and most worked with us.
- Cancelled our home phone.
- Ate out less and started bringing homemade lunches to work.
- Made more meals from scratch (homemade stocks and soups are a huge money saver).
- Purchased second-hand clothes and toys. You would be amazed at the high-quality clothes you can find for children.
- Refinanced our mortgage. This was huge for us – we were able to lower our interest rate and drop our mortgage insurance.
- Paid off our credit debt.
- Saved as much as we could from my part-time income, so we would have a cushion for emergencies.
- Said NO to pricey house projects. If it didn’t have to be done, we didn’t do it. An outdated bathroom was a small price to pay for the ability to have one of us stay home with our son.
- Continued to drive older cars. Our cars are not the newest and prettiest cars, but they get us from point A to B and they are payed off, so we don’t have to worry about huge car payments.
After 7 months of saving and cutting back, I quit my job!
My son was 10 months old and had just started walking. He is now 3 years old and we welcomed a second child last year.
Quitting my job was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am extremely grateful to my husband for his continued support.
We recently cancelled cable and continue to look for ways to cut back on our monthly expenses. I still make my husband’s lunch every day and try to make as much food from scratch as I can. I take the kids to the library and participate in free or inexpensive children’s programs run by our local YMCA and First 5 Center.
Sometimes, money is pretty tight for us. If I don’t have enough gas in my car, we say no to that play date. I scrounge together meals from our pantry until pay-day. My husband and I plan a lot of at-home dates. We buy small birthday and Christmas gifts. All of these things make a difference for us.
If you are struggling to make ends meet or are trying to transition to one income, keep at it! Every little bit will help you reach your goal!
Aileen is a stay at home mom of two living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She blogs at Aileen Cooks where she shares family-friendly recipes, tips on cooking with kids, and money saving tips.
Cindy says
These are great tips!! I quit my job 15 months ago after working 25 years, but my kids are 14 and 12. We decided that this was the best time for me to stop working because so much happens in the teen years. I am so satisfied and happy!!! However, We did have many years to prepare financially. Dave Ramsey was a big part of our lives and still is. I would not do anything different!!
K Ann Guinn says
Thanks for writing this post from someone in a more expensive area. Even though it’s not an excuse to spend too much, it is more difficult to provide for one’s family in certain areas. We are in New England, not too far from Boston, and I feel it every time I grocery shop. I have found many ways to make things more frugal, but you’re right; it definitely requires sacrifice and you have to go against the norm.
My “babies” are 17 and 19 yrs. old, and I was able to stay home with them until my second went to kindergarten. Then I like to say I “went to school with them”. We were blessed to be able to send our kids to a private Christian school for their first several years, and I worked there as a teacher’s aide at the same school for ten years.
We still chose to live in such a way to allow me to only work time, as I found after years of full-time, it took a toll on my health and well-being and brought too much stress into my family. So now I work part-time, so some sacrifices have to be made, but everyone is happier.
I feel like many people in our culture do not even realize that they have more choices than it appears in regards to how much they work.
Thanks for sharing.
Tabitha says
I’m glad you were able to make it work, so you can stay home with your little ones. I liked how you listed everything, you cut back on to stay home. It is not easy going down to one income. Would love to know how it is going 8 months later.
Aileen says
Hi Tabitha,
We are still going strong! I have actually been staying home since May of 2013 (although this post went live 8 months ago). Our family is getting ready to grow to a family of 5 in a few weeks and we have managed to keep our expenses pretty close to the same. Our grocery bill and diaper bill have gone up slightly, but not much else has changed. My husband does receive a cost of living raise every year, so that has helped, too.
I hope this article was helpful for you!
Take Care,
Aileen
http://aileencooks.com
Amanda says
How much is your husband earning or would you say your husband would have to earn to be able to stay home?
Aileen says
Hi Amanda,
I apologize for the super late response! Your income really depends on a lot of factors including where you live. I would recommend you track all of your expenses for a couple of months and determine what expenses are essentials and where you could cut corners. From there, you could determine how much you need to live on. Also, make sure you factor in how much it costs for you to work (lunches out, commute costs, work clothes, day care, etc.).
Good luck!
Take care,
Aileen
http://aileencooks.com
Jasmin says
I live in the Bay Area too and am a stay at home mom. I have two kids and my husband is in ministry. We have lived in our one bedroom apartment for 10 years and yes there were times I was quite discontent. We have made it work and have asked the Lord to show us how to survive without a second income. We have had to say no to many things but I see such reward in being able to stay home. I send lunches with my husband everyday which helps cut costs. It’s always encouraging to me to see how others like myself do it. Thank you! God bless!
Barbie says
Enjoyed this article. I worked for the first eight years of my son’s life and always felt conflicted about missing him and being at work. I made 45% of our income. After paying everything but our mortgage off, including student loans and cars, we cut way back and I have been a SAHM ever since. Many people think of going back to work as their children reach that age. But, my son is 14 and it is still so important to be home. I am the mom to pick up and take kids to practice and stay engaged in their daily activities – at least the little they will let me as teenagers. Grades are awesome and athletic opportunities are enjoyed. They like to come to my house because it’s calm and then I know they are not getting into trouble. The hardest part is not wanting to have those new cars and a bigger house and getting to enjoy regular hair and nail appointments or a massage like the other moms – but I wouldn’t change it. I have 4 more summers with my “baby” and don’t want to miss a thing!
Heather says
Thanks for sharing! I just had my second child 7 weeks ago. My family are my greatest blessings. I’m having such a very hard time knowing I’m going back to work in 2 weeks. I’ve been through our finances and it is in no way possible for us to make it without my income. Praying somehow someway this will happen for us soon.
Aileen says
Oh Heather, it is so hard to leave your babies! I understand what you are going through. Just know that your babies will be fine and you are a wonderful Mama and setting a great example for them by going to work so you can take care of them. Merry Christmas!
Heather says
Merry Christmas!
Jen says
I needed to read this today. I am a SAHM (have been for almost three years). I have recently been thinking it might be time for me to get back into the workforce. My kids don’t want me to go back to work (one is in 2nd grade and the other is almost three).
I think I need to take advantage of more free activities to get me out and with adults and their kids. I often feel very alone when I’m home with my two-year-old. He goes to daycare two days a week for socialization and I rarely talk to adults (other than grocery store cashiers) during those days. I think I need to get out more so I’m more content with being at home.
I will say, I do miss taking vacations. We’ve been married for 8.5 years and have taken two vacations. I made 55% of our yearly income when I was working so sometimes I throw myself a little pity party that I don’t get to take vacations, buy new technology, etc. I know it’s worth it. I just need a reminder, sometimes. 😉
Aileen says
Jen,
Being without adult interaction all day is really hard! I managed to find a Mom’s group through meetup.com that made my life so much better. There was some trial and error as far as attending play dates where the Moms weren’t the right match, but I did finally meet a few like-minded Moms that I get together with regularly. Our kids play together and we get the much needed adult time.
The meetups are nice because they are kid oriented, so you don’t have to be super outgoing and you can usually find ones that do free activities (park play dates, etc.). I highly recommend it if there are any in your area.
Ultimately, you and your husband know what is best for your family. There is no one size fits all solution. I’m glad you stopped by today and shared your story.
Aileen
Karen says
I’m so happy for you. My husband and I a have work whereby we trade a cut in income for more time at home. Like you, there a lot of sacrifices, but when we consider the rat race we would have to run to have those extras, we are happy with our choice.
Aileen says
Yes, Karen! The extra time is priceless!
Renee says
Very encouraging post. Sometimes, it can get discouraging to think that wow, we are living so tight on one income. But, you see the benefits of being a SAHM, and it’s all worth it. I’ve tried being a SAHM several times in our marriage, and even had an in-home daycare at one time. But for over 2 years now, I have been a SAHM, and we have purposed to live on one income, and for me to be home. We drive a “Dave Ramsey” car, one that is paid off. It’s a 15 year old car with almost 200,000 miles on it, but it’s paid for. And we haven’t taken out any new debt in over 3 years. It is a lifestyle change, but soooo worth it. We do the same things you do….I pack my hubby’s lunch daily, I make our food at home, we look for free things to do, like hiking, going to the park to play basketball or Frisbee. Thank you for your post.
Aileen says
Hi Renee,
Thank you for sharing! I’m glad you and your husband are able to make it happen. It definatley is a lifestyle change, but so worth it!
Happy Holidays!
Aileen
Alison @ Tickling the Wheat says
I feel like you just wrote about my life! 😉 We moved from New Jersey to Michigan when I was pregnant, so I had to quit my job. Luckily Michigan is a lot cheaper than NJ. We were able to live on one income for a while, but I eventually went back to work when my son was five months old. We saved like crazy and only bought essentials that we needed (like a new furnace and a dining room table – our dining room looked a little funny with just a chandelier for decoration). After a year, I dropped down to part-time and eventually quit working nine months after I had my second child. I’ve officially been home a year (Dec. 4, 2014, was my last day!!!) and I haven’t looked back.
These are great tips. I would add trying to do as many DIY house projects as possible. For example, we replaced our disgusting bathroom sink with a new countertop when it was on sale. Our bathroom could use an overhaul, too, but we’re making do with replacing things little-by-little and trying to do as much as possible ourselves.
Aileen says
Alison, I’m glad you were able to make it happen! I track my last day of work, too. 🙂
Amy F;) says
Thanks for this post! 🙂
mike says
In high cost of living in Honolulu, Hawaii, it is common for several generations to live together under one roof to save on housing cost.
mike says
As a frugal shoppers, I am so glad that I can read and share cost cutting tips in public. But beware. There are still more marketing ads out there that want us to spend instead.
Aileen says
I totally agree, Mike. You do have to be careful. 🙂
mike says
Back in the 1950s, it was common for the wife to stay at home to raise the children up. There was not much selection of electronic and other
mike says
…may I continue? Not much to buy in a store besides the very basics of living. Hence, why the homes of the 1950 era only had a one car carport.
Keelie Reason says
I love the passion you put into finding ways to stay home. I’m glad you’re pursuing it. 🙂
Aileen says
Thank you Keelie!
Kristen @ Joyfully Thriving says
I love reading encouragement like this from other stay-at-home moms! My husband and I wanted the same for our children, and thanks to a lot of frugality and creativity, I’m now staying at home with our 19 month old…and another one on the way. We were both teachers (he still is) at small parochial schools, so it takes a lot of penny pinching but it is so worth it to stay home and not miss out on these pivotal years with my children.
Aileen says
Kristen, I completely agree! I’m glad you are able to make it work!
EllenMarie says
Hi Aileen! Which part of the Sf Bay Area do you live? I live in the Sf Bay Area as well but in a less expensive(meaning not a million dollar shack like the rest of the Bay Area!) area. My husband has to commute to SF every day though. I am now a stay at home mom with my two youngest (have five total,but the older ones are grown now-one in college still) who are 14 yo and 10 yo. We live off of one income(even before I became a sahm-we banked my salary towards savings) and our house is paid off. So completely debt free and mortgage free-what a relief and feeling of burden lifted off-you feel true freedom!
I am not the only one as I know some who have also saved and paid off their homes. We are all frugal in our own ways. Wishing you the best!
Aileen says
Hi EllenMarie,
That is awesome about your mortgage! I have read about it on MSM, but hadn’t heard of anyone doing it out here. That is quite an accomplishment! I am near El Sobrante – so not in SF either. Where are you?
Aileen
EllenMarie says
El Sobrante is still a nice area. We live a bit further out -Antioch- much cheaper homes compared to the craziness of SF! I grew up in SF though and my siblings live out there but I can’t afford the 1-2 million dollar price tags of the fixer upper houses out here-my sister just bought a fixer upper for 2 million!
The good thing about the SF Bay Area is that you can get lots of entertainment free. Free Shakespeare in the park, Berkeley Kite festival, free museum and zoo days in SF, magic shows at the library, etc. Although the word is out and it can get terribly crowded these days. My favorite free family activity is going to the beach! You can also check out the free Bay Area Parent monthly magazine and Red Tricycle to get more free events( they have this at the library). I am known as the Queen of Freebies lol and we do bargain alerts among friends!
If you know of any blogs,sites,magazines, etc of freebies or frugal sites especially focused on the SF Bay Area let us know! That would be awesome! Oh and near you in the Berkeley area you can get free books- I think every once in awhile on the weekends-when my son was a teacher he would go and get free books for his students who never had books even because they were so poor. Then they would have their own book and they treasured the books!
People tell me all the time ( including our CPA bil who did our taxes and knew our income) they don’t know how we do it out here in this area. Raising a family with 5 kids is hard enough but in SF area, and without debt and paid for college without debt – so it can be done! I am simple in my needs and rarely anything I want,if I spend money it is usually for an activity like basketball or volleyball for my kids( lately)which can get expensive and the kids know this so they don’t ask for other things usually. They told me I did not even have to buy them birthday or Christmas gifts-lol-but I asked for their lists still and they mostly kept it simple.
I do all on your list but I will add one more- when you need something like if it broke down, I usually spread the word to family and friends to keep a lookout for a sale or good deal. Often they or someone they know has one they are getting rid of, an extra one, etc so they give it for free( I do offer to pay though but usually they don’t want to charge me as they were going to donate it or throw it away). Or they may see a great deal and alert me but you have those extra eyes looking for you to help out and we all help each other out!
Wishing you many blessings!
Aileen says
Wow, Thank you for the tips! Merry Christmas!
Shannon says
This is a great post! I’d SO love to stay at home. My husband and I are both teachers so money is VERY tight. You offer some great advice!
Aileen says
Thank you. I can imagine that makes it really difficult, Shannon. You should check out this post from The Humbled Homemaker, her hubby is a teacher. Obviously, everyone’s situation is different. :).
http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/10/staying-at-home-with-your-kids-when-you-can-barely-afford-it
Kaitlin says
There are so many good tips in this post that can apply to everyone! I loved it so much! As someone who lives in a pretty affordable part of the country (midwest), I really feel for moms who live in high-cost of living areas! I know that salaries don’t always reflect the cost of living in certain areas and I find that very sad.
Staying at home does require sacrifices, but they are all so worth it when you get to spend all your days with your babies.
Thanks, Aileen for sharing such a great article!
Aileen says
Yes! I feel like a lot of the posts didn’t speak to the high-cost areas. That is why I wanted to share my story. Thank you for reading. ☺️
Pamela Moreno says
We live on the Central Coast and our basic expenses are high. The deal breaker is that we have our daughter in a private Catholic high school by choice and I have excellent medical insurance. I am an elementary school librarian so even though I do want to be a stay at home mom, I work a similar schedule to my daughter’s school schedule and only drive 5 miles a day because our home is one mile east of her school and my job is just one more additional mile away. I look forward to following your blog !
Aileen (Aileen Cooks Blog) says
Pamela,
Thank you for sharing! It sounds like you have a good situation! One of my dear friends is a teacher and her schedule gives her lots of time with her family. ☺️ School jobs sound ideal.
Aileen
Teresa says
This poist is so encouraging as we are working really hard to get me home. I did just go from full time to part time but I really want to be home. My husband is very supportive. We have one credit card we need to get paid off first. I am finally seeing a light but I am so ready. It has been 3 years since I started this journey to get home. This post is very timely as I am feeling tired and ready to make this happen. We are close. Thank you for sharing your story. It was very encouraging to me.
Aileen says
Teresa, I am so glad I could provide some encouragement for you! I know the journey is hard. I hope it all works out for you. 🙂