Today’s question is from Michelle:
We’ve been doing our best to stick to an all-cash budget, and we’re making some real progress.
We have a group of nine couples who get together monthly. We usually “potluck” at one of the houses on a rotating basis. Fun and frugal, it’s one of our favorite outings of the month!
This month, however, an outing was planned that would have cost over $300 for the evening! We simply had to decline as that money was not in our budget. Unfortunately, we were the only couple to decline and I felt terrible.
So I’d like to know: how do you say no to expensive outings in order to stay on budget? -Michelle
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Thank you to everyone for your replies and kind encouragement.
Not one person in our group made us feel bad about our choice not to attend (truely good friends!) … in fact, some simply said they missed us at the event and others haven’t really brought it up.
We were given fairly decent notice of the event … I just could not justify spending the money on an evening out when there is a balance on our credit card bill.
Whether all the other parties could afford the evening … that is for them to decide. And as I am asking them to respect our financial decisions, we will respect theirs.
I do feel good to know that we made the choice many here would have made as well!
I think the advice on saying no is great. I did that tonight because my husband isn’t working now due to health reason (probably out 2 months), unpaid and we’re going to have a lot of medical bills. After things settle down with him, I told my friend that we’d have her over for dinner and a nice evening.
Reading through the posts, however, I think some people need to take a step back on their judgements. It’s not that she saved the money, she chose not to spend it. We don’t really know what other’s financial securities are. In the same way people are shocked that you could afford something, you don’t know what another person can/can’t afford. If their choices are for the large cable package and data phone, then so be it. In all honesty, I’m surprised that you guys talk about money as much you do with your friends. I’m pretty much in agreement with Charlotte from SATC–talking about money with friends is a no no (and even with your co-workers!)
well it seems to me you did the right thing..if you are trying to save money and pay cash instead of using credit, you did the same thing i would have done..don’t feel bad..i am just wondering how many in your group used a credit card for that day outing..just explain to your group that you love and appreciate them all but you want to stay on track and $300 is a LOT of money…good luck and keep your head up high, thats $300 you saved and they lost..
Hello –
Whenever an occasion arises among friends that looks like an extravagance, I decline stating the fact that we don’t have the money in our budget.
On another note, whenever I am invited to a restaurant among friends that is not within our budget, here is what I do. I definitely go, because I want to see my friends. But I ask for separate checks and order ala carte or simply order a nice beverage. That way I can still see my friends and have chat time together. I do eat a meal before hand so I am not tempted to delve into appetizers, or other items. At the end of the night, I have had good conversation, intentionally talking with my friends, and not having food take over the table.
If they are true friends, they will understand your situation and not push or make you feel uncomfortable about the dinner.
Paula
We’ve been doing the cash envelope system for years. We simply tell our friends, “We don’t have the cash this month to do that. We do the “envelope system,” and we don’t have enough left to cover it this time. Once the money is gone for the month, it’s gone.” Shockingly, most respect it and tell us they wish they could spend less or charge less, etc. I always take any opportunity to talk about living below our means.
Michelle,
Just be honest (and gentle) about saying no. To be perfectly honest, I don’t live on a specific budget (I probably should!), but for $300.00, I’ll add another $100. to that and buy myself an iPad!!! , or something else that will last for more than a single outing. If your friends know you try to stay on a budget, then they should understand your choosing not to go. There is absolutely nothing for you to feel bad about, you made your decision based on your principles…your priorities. Good for you for sticking to it, and staying true to yourself. I think you did the right thing! Hold your head up, make NO apologies, just tell anyone who asks, that you chose not to go, but you are looking forward to the next pot luck dinner! God Bless, Sincerely, Kathy
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. It is really hard to say no when you could say yes. It’s not that we CANNOT afford to go out with friends, it’s that we CHOOSE not to afford some things in order to afford other things. I have actually taken time to explain this reasoning to some friends and coworkers (when they press for why because they know how much money we make if we are in the same field of work and that we are not mired in debt). I’ll warn you that we don’t get as many invitations to go out as we used to in the past but our close friends do understand that we are more likely to host them for get togethers at our house and when we do go out it is very special to us and we always enjoy ourselves a lot. If you’re someone who wants to go out a lot and stay social saying no to many invitations may not get you invited out with others as often.
Best of luck– you’re not alone in this!
My BFF wanted to have a group of people go to Vegas for her 35th. There was no way we could afford it, nor anywhere for our 4 kids to go. I felt terrible that I wasn’t able to share in her fun. She is always someone who wnts the extravagance but then complains that she has no money. I felt bad because it was my best friend but I felt better about not having gone when I wasn’t scraping for money for other things. BTW, I threw her a surprise party for her 40th with her husband.
I am honest and say I live on a budget and just can’t do things that cost to much. If they want more I explain that it’s important to me to be able to stay home with my son and if I blow the budget I will no longer be able to do it. I also tell them that I stay out of debt by staying within my budget which lowers my stress level. And as a side note $300 is insane for a night out. I want at least a whole weekend for that price.
I had a friend whom we would go out to eat often and while I wasn’t falling behind I wasnt getting ahead either. Eventually we stopped being friends and I realized how much money I wasted hanging out with her. After that I told myself that I wouldnt do that ever again. I say I’m cheap out of choice. The bad part is when friends assume you won’t do something because you’d like to save money instead. But really good friends don’t mind and it’s even better when they are in the same boat of saving money too. I had considered it a hard lesson learned and how to weed out speedy friends and ones who don’t mind.
I have to chime in here and tell a funny story.
Years ago, we were invited to an outing. It was fairly frugal, only gas was needed, but- we couldn’t even afford that!
We told the host that we could not go this time, without explanation. …They ended up canceling the whole ordeal because come to find out, most of them couldn’t afford it either! Ha! 😉 True story.
I’d be honest with them about why you declined. I know it sometimes feels embarrassing to say that you don’t have the money for things, but on the other hand, you may inspire your friends to reconsider their own finances and that could be doing them a big favor.
“I’d love to do something like that! It sounds like so much fun. But you know, my husband and I decided a while back that we’d probably be happier and less stressed if we didn’t have to worry about finances so much. So we decided to not put things we can’t afford on our credit card. Maybe once we pay off all our credit cards we can try doing this again? But for now, it’s just not worth stressing about money for a single evening of fun. It’s better for us as a couple to not fight about money or feel panic when the bill comes in. ”
Said with a genuine smile and a good attitude, that’s a reasonable reply and shouldn’t offend anyone.
Just want to add another “don’t feel guilty!” I have found that the kind of people I respect and want to have real friendships with end up being the kind of people who respect our goals and be fine with hearing “it isn’t in the budget”. I like mentioning the budget rather than “we can’t afford it” because the fact is that sometimes we COULD rustle up the cash but would really prefer not to because it would interfere with a different priority we have set for our family.
For example, we have chosen to live in a home in an excellent location for us with enough space that we hope not to move again throughout the raising of (we hope) several more children. Many friends see our home and the inflated prices around us (not what we paid, since we hit a great time/deal) and assume that we have a lot of cash flow. The fact is, we have decided to put more of our income into our home and live simply in other areas so it can be paid off sooner. So technically we often DO have the money but it is allocated for something else. I usually don’t explain this to people, but I find that if I make careful comments about financial planning and wise budgeting, many people get the picture and respect it.
True friends respect that people have different priorities in life. If you generally participate with this group, you make a point to be a generally generous person with time and other things with your friends and you are not judgemental about how they spend money, they will hopefully be open to your decisions as such. If not, I agree with others that you are possibly not working with true, solid friendships.
Thanks for your comment. We have friends who invite us every Christmas to join them for a big event in the city. The price tag for everything is well over $300 for the night. We love these friends, but I just don’t think the event is worth it. My problem is that we can afford it. We would have to dip into savings, but the money is there. However, I always tell them it’s not in our budget. I’m just not interested in spending that much for one night, especially over the holidays. The reason we have savings is because we don’t spend excessive amounts of money and this, to me, is excessive. I do feel bad though, I think they know we can afford it, but we choose not to. I start to feel like they will just assume I am cheap (and maybe I am!)
I’m with you, Jessica. Especially this: “the reason we have savings is because we don’t spend excessive amounts of money”.
Most of my husband’s work peers are shocked that we can afford for me to stay at home with our girls. People assume we must have a lot of money to do it and therefore a lot of cash flow… when really, we can afford to do it because we really limit the cash flow! It’s funny how our culture views this – that the people visibly spending the money must be the ones with the most money. It’s hard to buck that trend, but so worth it!
An interesting read on this topic is “The Millionaire Next Door”.
Honestly, you did what is best. Thank them for the invitation, decline politely, and move on. If pressed for an answer, be honest – “A $300 outing is just not within our budget.” Frankly, it’s 60 days to Christmas – this is a large sum to spend, but with the holidays around the corner, it’s also a bit unrealistic.
My brother in law is getting married a year from the 17th of October in Cancun – we are not attending. We recently found out that the “wedding” wouldn’t even officially be recognized by the USA, and therefore, they’re having a reception in August and a small courthouse wedding prior to the “destination” wedding. I told my husband I’d gladly go for the hometown wedding and the reception in the state they live as opposed to dropping almost $3k on a trip to Cancun. That didn’t even include our kids going with – that would be another $2k!! I personally think destination birthdays/weddings/anniversaries, unless paid for by the party who is celebrating/hosting are somewhat selfish – yeah, we have a year. But paying my credit cards is far more important than taking a trip we just don’t have the money for. My husband waffles occasionally on this, but we recently talked about it, and I was nice, but made it clear I was not planning on attending. If he was asked to be part of the “wedding party”, that would be different. However, he isn’t.
Paying my “4 walls” is more important than what family does or does not think of us. Period. They won’t be there if things hit the skids, so why should I shell out $3k for a 4 day event?
I agree with so much said above about just saying no, not in our budget, but I felt compelled to respond to the destination wedding thing. To me, it is the ultimate act of selfishness. You are being asked to sacrifice your limited vacation days on their wedding plus your entire vacation budget (if you’re lucky enough to have one) and, of course, you’re expected to bring a gift! I LOVE weddings and celebrating them – and bringing a generous gift – but I draw the line at having someone else dictate where I should spend vacation time and money just because they’ve decided it would be ‘so much fun’ to get married at a certain destination.
We have to remind ourselves that their money is not ours, and vice versatile. We have different goals, limitations, and “life circumstances” than our friends do. Once we remember this, we graciously say “We’re not going to be able to this time.” If they ask further, we just say we are choosing to spend our money differently, and that’s ok!
Try not to think “we don’t have money for it” but “we choose not to spend our money that way at this time.” Fewer “guilty” feelings that way. 🙂
I can SO relate to this! My husband and I are still in contact with a core group of our college friends. One of our friends is doing well working for a non-profit, and his girlfriend is pursuing her doctorate in science. Our other friend works for residence life at a large college, and his wife is about to become a pharmacist. My husband and I work modest, not-quite-so-high paying jobs, so we’re often the only couple to say “no” to various outings. We each live in a different state, so seeing each other is a large out-of-pocket expense. While I’d love to see them on a regular basis, my husband and I just have to say, “No, we can’t afford it at this time.”
I feel your pain. My husband is a teacher/coach and goes out to eat often. We both agreed to put him on a cash budget, but now all his coaching buddies give him a hard time and offer to pay for him. It makes me feel like an awful wife, but we keep telling ourselves that we have no debt and are in a much better financial situation. Even though you might feel bad, just keep reminding yourselves that you are a much happier, less stressed person when you are debt free. We were able to go on an expensive, debt free, 5 yr anniversary vacation – paid for in cash. Not many young, married couples can do that! Keep at it!
We had this same problem just last month. My nephew was graduation from Marine basic training and we were planning on going & sharing the expenses of renting a house & having a week with my brother, sister-in-law and other family members. Due to some unexpected medical expenses as well as some other circumstances beyond our control, I contact my sister-in-law and told her we were not going to be able to make the trip. While she said she understood, it has been a month and I have not heard a word from her or my brother. I don’t know whether to call and pretend like everything is OK or just wait it out and see if she contacts me. I REALLY wanted to go for my nephew’s sake but we just could not afford it. Why is that so hard for some people to understand? If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. It’s just that simple.
I think I would call and ask how the family trip went and how your SIL felt about having her son granduate. Perhaps you’ve already seen postings on Facebook or whatever, but you’re honestly thinking about it, so I’d reach out. That’s what I do when I genuinely want to know how someone’s trip/celebration was.
Instead of going out and spending $300, find local events that are free or low cost that the whole group would enjoy. Last Christmas my friends and I went to a free consert given by our local orchestra (just a food donation to the food bank), afterwards coffee and treat at a local coffee shop. Try picnic in a park or a local wine/food tasting festival.
Tell the truth. Honesty is always best and your friends don’t need to know if you are completely broke or saving to buy a new car. Besides, you are probably not the only one. Next time they may choose something less expensive.
My roommate and I are both very frugal, and our friends all know about it. We are both cash only, and I am working at paying off debt. We are blessed with a large apartment, and we host things frequently at our place. This way we don’t feel like we’re being frugal hermits and our friends don’t mind as much when we say we can’t afford something. It’s not like we never have any fun!
If it is a restaurant they are wanting to go to, could you buy a restaurant.com gift card and say you will pay for the purchase of the gift card and let everyone else pay for the rest? Often times my meal will not be as much as what the gift card is for, and that way everyone gets a bit of a price break – and you have WAY less out of pocket expense. This is how my friends and I do fancier restaurants. 🙂
Just say no, don’t apologize, don’t feel bad, and move on. I had to recently do this with the tennis lessons I have taken for a year. I had a really great group of ladies that played together and they wanted to keep on – at $80 a month. I just said that unfortunately right now it wasn’t in our budget to be able to do that. They were sad but they understood. It was hard and I am sure it was hard for you, but I bet you weren’t the only to struggle to pay for it. Others likely struggled but went anyway. Now they all know that it is ok to not participate in everything.
I am just honest and open, really, and say that we would love to join in the fun, but we are working hard to stick to a budget to help us get our finances under control, and we just can’t make every fun outing work. I know most people now are watching their $$, so even though you were the only one this time to not join in, I would venture to guess that others would like that $300 back :0) It’s all about choices, and we just can’t say “yes” to every. fun. thing. Not for my kids and not for us (mom and dad), either.
So, bottom line, I am honest and explain where our family is in life and why we are sitting this one out…but we’ll see you at next month’s potluck!! (great idea, by the way!!) 🙂
hope that helps 🙂
I’m going to quote my daughters’ new favorite television character, Daniel Tiger.
“A friend just wants to play with YOU” Your friends should be happy to spend time with you, regardless of what activity you can or cannot participate in.
I agree with previous posters, you should not have to go into this huge embarrassing explanation with people that are truly your friends. Saying “That is not in our budget” should be sufficient. The goals of your family are your highest priority and your friends with understand that.
I heart Daniel Tiger!
This is a very tough one for me as well. My husband and I are different in our social group for wanting to live frugally and plan for the future. I often struggle with wanting to maintain friendships and also live according to my convictions. It’s tough to have conversations about just about anything with friends who aren’t quite on the same wavelength.
I feel for you, I still have a hard time saying no! I think it’s important to be honest, so that your friends understand it’s not because you don’t want to be with them – it’s the financial aspect. 🙂
I’ve become rather open with our friends regarding our financial situation and goals, probably more so that I really need to be. But, it helps them to understand where I’m coming from on my point of view in a lot of conversations (regarding shopping, outtings, child rearing, etc). I do think that it helps people to feel more comfortable with me as well, because now I find that I’m often asked for my advice on/or am told things about my friends’ finances that we never would have discussed a year or so ago.
I would just tell them the truth. As much as we would love to participate this month, we just really cannot afford it. Or it just isn’t in our budget. Something along those lines. You might be surprised– there might be others who would have liked to have declined but were too scared to. Others might go into debt just to participate in just this one evening. I think being honest and forthcoming, most people will understand. If they don’t…..I guess I would evaluate how good of a friend that they are….
Just be honest. If this causes some friendships to break then it wasn’t real friendship.
After we paid off all the debt we also found since family does not speak to us, it was family that always pushed us way over, now we have zero troubles staying on track and we even have money saved and get to take vacations something we had done without for years.
Our family always assumed my husband should pay for everyone (at one time we could easily afford to do this but times changed and they were not willing to change with the times)
Really , Really , REally SAD!!!!
Amen.
And, I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t spend $300 for one evening for any of my friends unless they were getting married or something. This is an unrealistic request.
This is a problem that I face very frequently. If they are close friends, I don’t mind being upfront and stating that an expensive outing is not in my budget at this time. If they are folks that I am not so familiar with, then I might beg off because of another commitment OR, simply decline the event, without getting into too much detail. I might also try suggesting another idea, if appropriate.
How much notice did you have of the cost of the outing? If it were a once yearly, planned event then perhaps you could budget for it. I would expect to have a good amount of notice for something that costly! Otherwise I think you did the right thing and you owe no one any explanation.
It would have been worse to come up short $300+ later. Real friends understand and won’t give it a second thought.
Be honest with the group. This was just not in your monthly budget. They will understand and if they don’t, you shouldn’t call them friends. Sadly, I’m sure you were not the ONLY family not financially able to go; some of the others have most likely incurred some debt or sacrificed something else to “fit in” with the group. You are better off with the choice you made. Suggest to the group that some advanced planning for the next expensive outing should be made so that any extra cash you have during the months prior to the event could be put away specifically for that outing. Set a good example of financial stability. Living debt free is the way to go! Good for you and your family!
Don’t feel bad…it seems like it happened just this once and you did the right thing. As far as they know, you could be going to visit a sick relative or had other plans. If they keep happening and you are missing their friendship, just kindly suggest that the potlucks or something similar returns. You don’t have to go into your hardships…just say, “we’re saving as much money as we can right now, I’d be happy to host a potluck next week.” If they are true friends, they won’t care at all!!!
My wife and I went through this same thing when we first started a budget. To keep from making excuses for why we couldn’t do things, we simply told our family and friends that we were intensely focused on paying off our debt and following a strict budget. We got some pushback at first but pretty soon they learned that we were dedicated to our financial goals. We didn’t stop having fun with them altogether but we did have to say no every once in a while.
Better friends than family who want to do expensive destination family reunions – every other year!
These things are especially hard when some of the parties involved are actually less financially secure, and so think that you are cheap and/or judgmental for not happily going along with the plan.
You live like no one else now, so you can live like no one else later…trust me, I bet some of those couples couldn’t afford either. Proud of you for sticking to your guns!
Well said! I agree whole heartedly.
That’s so true Janice!
Amen!
When we started down the path to be debt free we really didn’t talk about it with our friends, it seemed as though none of them had the issues we were facing. As time has gone on and we got into the habit of inviting people over instead of meeting them out it became easier to say, we don’t have that budgeted this month. It’s still not always fun to feel like we miss things or aren’t doing all the same things as our friends, there are a lot of times we’ve been the only ones to decline an event. But the more we openly talked about our journey the more we realized that we were doing what was best for us and that the now wasn’t the forever. We also realized that talking about it so openly with our friends gained a lot of support for us and respect. We’re doing what we need to do now so we can do whatever we want in the future. Good luck and hang in there, you’ll be so glad you did!
Here is a scenario I deal with. I have family that will say they can’t go and do things b/c it’s not in the budget yet spend money on crazy things. They aren’t trying to avoid us or make excuses, but when I look at their spending I think…..how can you complain b/c your child can’t go and do this or that but then you have them enrolled in any and every program out there, buy brand new clothes, and eat out all the time. I am totally not criticizing how they spend their money, but I do get tiresome of hearing how they just don’t have money for this or that…when in reality it’s not an issue of living paycheck to paycheck it’s overspending in other areas. Again, it’s none of my business, I just wish they wouldn’t make it sound like they are starving or something. They do have the money. They just choose to spend it elsewhere.
This is to “A Mom” – without going into detail, I have a friend just like this. Like, literally. They make enough money but completely mismanage it and honest to goodness feel that they have “no” money. It’s incredibly frustrating to have to listen to someone tell you all the time how they have no money yet they have a big cable package, smart phones, and eat out quite a bit. Huh? And I’m not sure why I’m the one being told because we make less than our friends and have more kids and never complain about finances. But then again we don’t have cable or smart phones either so…..yeah, super frustrating. I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one dealing with this. It’s a frustrating situation to be in because really, I wish it were never made my business.
Just honestly tell them that you are on a budget and that is not in it!! If they are good friends, they will think twice before scheduling something that expensive again. Or they will at least give you enough heads-up that you will be able to plan for it by putting a little away each month. I have had to say no to things before for financial reasons and have had others had to say no to things I have planned that include a cost. It is sooo much better to just say it, up front, that you just can’t afford it right now. There is no shame in that!! Shame would be putting it on credit when you can’t afford it!
I agree, don’t feel bad at all – you made the right choice and hopefully in the future they will make choices that work for everyone’s budget.
AMEN!!!
Ugh! I wish I had an answer for this–we have the same problem but with family. My SIL wants us to take a cruise with her to celebrate her 35th birthday. Even with a years’ notice to save money, we can’t make it work with the budget. This could cause a family rift and I’m looking forward to other readers’ advice!
First be sure you and your husband are on the same page about this. Then kindly explain that while a cruise sounds like a lot of fun, you simply can’t afford to join in – but you look forward to have a special birthday dinner party with your SIL when she gets back from the cruise.
Perfect answer, I need to employ this more often 🙂 I am lucky that even though we don’t have many friends who have the same focus with finances, my husband and I are on the same page, and he always reminds me how good it will feel in the future to own a home, etc.
We had this same issue with family. My SIL said if we did not go then we were not invited ever again. So that is the way it stands to this day. We are not welcome at any family outings and we are not permitted to talk to any family and if we talk to some, then SIL outs them as well.
We were paying off $23k in debt and they had an outing planned and they expected my hubby to pay for all it would have run $45.o0 per head at least and there were 16 people.
We did not do it
But , we suffer to this day.
So Sad!
This is a different Sarah, just wanted to echo “so sad” indeed. No offense to your family, but your SIL doesn’t sound like someone who would be good to spend time with anyway. I have a HUGE family. We are not as close as I would prefer, but they all have their own lives. I am always grateful to be invited to baby and wedding showers, but if I go, I don’t bring a gift — or if I do, it’s very small or homemade. I just tell them that, due to the size of our family, we can’t get gifts for every baby that’s born or every wedding that happens, so we just don’t give them. Regarding what the poster originally said, on how to decline these sorts of events, I agree with everyone else. Just do it. Tell the honest, humble truth. If you get ousted from the group for that, then be grateful you found out it wasn’t a good group to be hanging with in the first place.
How old is your SIL????? 4?????
How totally immature and completely irrational.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. We have family who think we need a bigger house or a new car, etc. Yet, they are living in debt and we don’t live pay check to pay check. I don’t say this to boast, but people especially family should respect your financial decisions. Times are tough. It’s wise to want to pay down your debt and built an emergency fund.
Why is the rest of the family letting the SIL run the show? No one will speak up?
We suffer from the same fate…although it’s my brother who is the one who is the puppet master for the family. We have pulled back and have paid the price in not seeing my neices or my nephew that are his kids…only if we happen to be at my parents house for a holiday or special occassion. It’s sad…and my parents/step parents are all mum because he has threatened to take his kids away from them, so they put up with his bad behavior for the sake of the grandbabies. Needless to say, we chose when we see them and it’s maybe once or twice a year. I mourn for a wonderful relationship with my brother that we had when we were little, but as an adult, I realize he doesn’t enrich my life, (or my families life), so we choose to not be a part of it.
I agree with Andrea. If your SIL outs everyone you talk to, it’s time to go talk to everybody real quick. Then you’ll all be on the “in” together, and they’ll be out 😉 I know we all understand that family dynamics can be touchy and hard to handle properly, but it sounds like to me that it’s already as bad as it can get? I don’t think you letting her keep you away from family events is healthy for anyone, including them.
Gosh, this is sad and I too agree with another post it’s immature. This is not your problem and making someone feel like some outcast is just WRONG of her and any family that chooses to go along with this childish game. Hang in there. Sounds like someone likes to be center of attention-Princess…?? and needs immediate gratification….??
I’ve had some similar things going on and I have remind myself to Pray and sit with things. Be kind/patient with yourself but you have the right to do what’s best for you and your family and finances. People on MSM agree with you completely if that makes you feel any better. 🙂
We have a similar situation in our family except the person involved is my mother-in-law. She constantly asks for extravagant gifts from family members who are obviously budget-conscience out of necessity. Unfortunately in our family, very few people speak up and usually end up just blowing their budget to pacify her. Last year when we were on a very tight budget she told us in no uncertain terms that she wanted a flat-screen tv for christmas. My opinion is: don’t feel bad. It’s the people who ask for things like this from family who can’t afford it who should feel bad. Family and friends should be about something different- love and togetherness should be what matter. Of course, dealing with this is easier said than done because you can pick new friends but you can’t pick a new family 🙂 Hang in there!
Explain that you simply cannot go, but you would love to help pay for her cruise as your gift to her, and give her whatever you can afford in cash in a nice birthday card. You are showing your support in celebrating her birthday, without breaking the bank.
You did it. You said no. You can’t feel bad for it. There’s simply nothing else you could do. We have a large group that gathers every Monday night for football at various restaurants. We’re lucky enough to have money to go most of the time, we rotate who picks the place each week. If someone picks something to pricey we either skip that week or skip another to be able to afford it without breaking the bank. No one will be mad or judge you for not going…if they do it’s time to find a different group of friends!
Totally agree with you. Nicely said! =)
Well said!
Right on!
I think the answer is in the post previous…”just do it” 🙂 Sometimes I just honestly say its too much too spend Other times I will find a way to catch up with them later in the evening – join them for dessert, or dinner after the show. Its best to be humble and honest and gracious (don’t make them feel bad for spending that money for themselves)- sometimes even if I can afford it but it just seems like such a waste a money, I’ll forego gently 🙂
I like this idea best! “I will find a way to catch up with them later in the evening – join them for dessert, or dinner after the show.”
Just say, “No thank you”. It should be enough and if they press just simply say it’s not in your budget.