Today’s question is from Amanda:
My husband recently came to me and explained that he wanted us to have a weekly date night instead of our usual once-a-month date. I would love to go on a date with him every week but there is just no way financially that we can swing it every single week. (This would also include a sitter.) We were guessing that it would cost about $250 a month to have a date night each week with a sitter. That is more than we spend on groceries. If we do that we won’t have money to put in savings. Help! -Amanda
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We regularly have dates nights…we have 4 kids under 6 and so we feel we need it all the more to make sure we are investing enough with each other and into our marriage. We budget for one “out” date a month (dinner or movie, etc + sitter) and have cut in other areas because we feel it’s so important.
Then we do “home” dates all the time, feed the kids and put them to bed (older ones could maybe spend the night with a friend), and then we cook dinner together (or have take-out), light candles, set and eat at the coffee table with relaxing music, sometimes we take a bath together, sometimes rent a redbox, sometimes just sit and talk. It’s such a special part of our marriage and reminds us that “us” is more important than the kids.
We trade babysitting with friends (sometimes on a sat morning or afternoon), we’ve put our kids to bed and then gone out after and had college age friends just come sit at the house (didn’t pay them), and then we do pay sitters as well. I regularly sell things on Craigslist (or at consignment sales, etc) and that money goes towards our date fund (to go to a nicer restaurant or more expensive activity, pay sitters, or saved towards overnight dates.)
As many people said, you are blessed that your husband wants to spend time with you, you may need to get creative and rethink your budget/definition of a date but it’s so worth it. It’s an investment… enjoy and have fun! 🙂
Just a fwiw, but I’ve seen things on Pinterest. There’s one that’s a jar of wide popsicle sticks with ideas on them. Some are just, put the kids to bed early and watch a movie together. Date night doesn’t have to cost at all! Kids in bed? Go sit on the back porch and talk. Take a bath together – hubby washes my back and we get to talk. No need to get babysitters, use community events a sitters, etc. Hubby and I have been together 21 years now, and are just *now* getting to where we can get out alone. We have our 21 yo here to babysit (we just moved 2000 miles away from our hometown), but our 11 can babysit in a pinch for us to take a short walk.
Solutions for date night:
1) trade child care with another family (or families) so they can have a date night too!
2) use gift cards. we always have gift cards, either from earning them online, as credit card rewards, or given to us by relatives. Use this and other “found money” such as an unexpected refund check and your date nights could be practically free
3) if you don’t have any gift cards, look at deal sites such as groupon and living social to try a new restaurant for half price. most of the deals try to value their vouchers for the cost of two entrees, but try to check a menu before you buy to make sure.
4) Don’t order soda or alcohol at a restaurant, and either avoid dessert/appetizers or share an entree. Just remember not to skimp on the tip, your waiter or waitress has to make a living too… If I’m ordering a cheaper meal, I make sure my tip is more in the line of 20% or more, since it’s based on a lower value – as long as the service is good, of course. At our regular places, waitresses know and remember my husband and I, even though we order “cheaper” meals and pay with gift cards, they don’t give us “that look” when it’s time to pay the bill.
5) If you’re going to the movies, plan your date “night” for a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and save up to 50% on the ticket prices. Some theaters also have cheaper prices on Tuesday nights. Dates don’t always have to be on Friday night, you’re not trying to impress anyone with your ability to stay up past 10:00.
6) If you’re a member of a church, consider taking a Bible study or joining a small group that’s studying marriage relationships. You can date, and socialize, and many groups offer a group childcare option as well.
Sometimes we pay to go out and find ourselves sittingnina restaurant where a private and meaningful conversation is impossible. I prefer to spend time talking together at home. Our kids will get in bed early so they can read before bedtime or let them watch a movie/tv while you sit on the porch/deck. Saturday morning coffe at home while the kids watch tv would be a great weekly date at home.
How about a friend or relative that you can take turns with watching each others kids for “date” night. Plus if they are at someone elses house you can make dinner at home and then enjoy a quiet walk or just each other’s company!
I didn’t read all the comments so I don’t know if someone mentioned this or not but check out The Dating Divas online. They have great ideas for date nights…including lots of date night in ideas and group dates. If you can find other friends who want a date night out also see if you can find a sitter to split the cost with! We are lucky to have both sets of parents and siblings who want to watch their neaces and nephews. Look for kids trying to get service hours for school…they’ll sit for free! 🙂 my husband and I are trying to have a weekly date night and we’ve said 2 nights we’ll go out and 2 nights we’ll date at home either after the kids go to bed or sending them to spend the night with grandma! Dating Divas to the rescue!!! Good luck!!! And happy dating!!!
Date night doesn’t have to be expensive! My last date with my husband involved going to the hardware store! We had alone time together, and quite a few laughs! For us, it is about reconnecting alone (without kids) TOGETHER!! Sometimes we will drop off the kids at school, and go out t o breakfast, which is the cheapest meal to eat out!
I don’t have kids but I do remember that my parents would sometimes put my brother and I to bed an hour or so early and used it to spend time together.
Not sure if someone else already suggested that but I know it worked for my parents.
Finding another family with kids to swap dates nights with has TOTALLY saved our marriage and our pocketbook!!! We used to do it every other week, but since we recently moved it’s once a month for both families. It works out well ’cause mom and dad get time out together w/o paying for a sitter; the kiddos make great friends and enjoy playing together too. And we supplement this once-a-month ‘go out’ time with evenings spent watching movies on Netflix or dinner at home after the kids go to bed. You just have to be creative sometimes, but those ‘creative’ ideas are sometimes the most memorable!! I found this really great idea on Pinterest – check it out!! – http://www.lifeinthegreenhouse.com/2012/02/date-night-in-jar.html
Trent over at Simple Dollar has a series on living frugally.
As a man he may have some interesting ideas to consider about data night:
1. Write a love letter (Crystal is a great example of this!)
2. Host a potluck dinner
3. Community festivals
4. Window browsing
I personally enjoy making things together with a loved one. I get to do this with my nephew (although its usually Lego focused) often.
I also echo some of what others have commented. Park picnic is a great alternative to a sit down meal.
Youtube Christian comedy videos have been one of my favorites. You can do that at home with the kids asleep. Another idea might be to break things up and have a shorter time for babysitting. Instead of dinner and a movie, just do one each week(making that two date nights). You’ll still pay the same price, but it’s stretched out for two nights’ worth. It’s not always about quantity but about quality, right?
P.S. Jeff Allen is pretty funny. I like the “On Anniversaries” one. Here is a link to his site: http://www.jeffallencomedy.com/funnyclips.html
We love, love, love watching Christian comedy on YouTube. Though we sometimes stay up too late once we get started. 🙂
Thanks for the Jeff clip – The rice cakes bit made me laugh for sure 😉
We do bi weekly dates. our household chnage goes into a jar every day and then we roll it and usually end up with a nice gift card from a movie theatre. We do matinees they are generally a lot cheaper so on a $25.00 we get 2 dates. We buy the gift cards at giant eagle for the fuel rewards so the money savings on gas is put into a seperate envelope and that goes for meal money we usually hit something sheap like chipotle or do frozen yogurt at our favorite place which you earn $ off your next visit. 2 dates we are running us about $75.00-$80.00 a month.
My parents go out on multiple dates a month, and do it on a very small budget, so even though I haven’t been on a date yet, I know many of the ways they do it. They often wait till the movies they want to see are at a cheap theater, or go to see ones they really loved again. As for the sitter, family members are definitely preferable, but their are other options. If there are any teenagers you can trust in your church/community, I can tell you that they would likely love to babysit your kids for a much more reasonable price. I also know a lot of teenagers who are willing to babysit in return for a fun gift card, a gift of a dvd, or many other cheaper options. My parents also love to do things like a picnic, walk around a lake, meet some friends at a coffee shop or bookstore to play board/card games, or go browsing at their favorite outlets/stores for things on sale. Like a earlier person posted, what really matters is getting out for a little while and spending some quality time with your spouse.
* I will look at Groupon & LivingSocial deals – there are great deals there & I will sometimes buy them for future uses, such as for dinners, movies, etc.
* Go on a hike & have a picnic.
* Borrow movies from the public library.
Anyway…..we do this: we are fortunate to have grandma’s nearby who never get enough kids time, as well as extended family members, and some teen nieces and a lovely neighbor. so it works for us because we have a “kid support” system, just cause you cant relax without that. Then what we do is when we make the monthly budget, in our grocery category we actually include and budget for one, moderately priced dinner out and one $dollar menu dinner out. We ease our “guilt” as surely the kids will be spoiled and fed well by whoever has them that night! For the other two nights for the month, we each pick the food theme and movie choice. I love to cook, so its not a problem for me to make the Italian or Mexican themed night. Besides I usually will get a nice foot or shoulder rub for my efforts. Once in awhile, we just go get a fancy coffee and take in a dollar or $3 movie, or take a long, long walk in the park. The whole idea is planning time to just reconnect and spend a bit of quality time with one another amongst the crazy. you kinda just need to “redefine” your “date night” description as you go. I always seem to use my grocery category to plan for it since it is food related. Yeah there might be a few more nights of Tuna Casserole, Pigs-N-A-Blanket or soup and a sandwich, but we are all doing just fine. The fact that your spouse is asking for this time is such a blessing in itself! Even if you cant start doing every week, I would sure give what you can a try.
Maybe work out a trade with a friend with kids of similar age? You go out while they have all the kids and then you return the favor the next week. Either pay for a babysitter for the remaining 2 weeks or just get in 2 dates per month. One of my favorite “dates” with my husband though is to take a blanket outside after the kids go to be and lay out under the stars. We live out in the country so the stars are easy to see but you could snuggle with a cup of something tasty on a porch even in the city where stars can’t be seen!
Other parents I know do one of those drop in places for hourly daycare (usually cheaper) do a “lunch” date which could be a picnic from home, walk in the park, etc.
Some ideas: a) trade babysitting with a friend one night a month (then you and them get a ‘free’ babysitting night); b) find free things to do in town (have an afternoon date – go for a walk/hike, have a picnic lunch in a park), find a talk you would be interested in hearing; c) find the specials in town (Groupon, etc) – maybe a 2 for 1 dinner/lunch, go out for ice cream instead of dinner; d) go Mall/Home Improvement store walking – don’t buy anything, just day dream about what you would like in the future; e) work on a home/craft project together (without the kids under feet – maybe the sitter takes them to a park). Our daughter is now in college and I realize we hardly had a ‘true’ date (dinner/movie), but we did a lot of the above over the years, which was still fun.
1. I would ask hubby to compromise on every other week vs. once a week. Tell him as much as you would LOVE it to be every week, the budget doesn’t allow. – or – 2. One week you go out on a date, one week you stay in for a date. Once the kiddos go to bed, you can plop down with some popcorn and a free/cheap movie from Redbox or maybe you can afford Netflix (streaming only is about $9/mo. – cheaper than 1 movie @ a theater). If you have small children, set up a baby monitor in their room and figure out the range on it outside of your home. I figured out ours works in our yards and the cul de sac. Take a walk with your hubby (even if you have to loop around and around), talk, look at the stars, hold hands, take a picnic to your yard/deck/patio or find a place to make out! – all within distance of the baby monitor once the kids are asleep. Or negotiate with your sitter to pay them less per hour if they come over after the kiddos are in bed. All they have to do is sit and watch TV. Then you can head out for a late movie or just a nice dessert you split or use a coupon for! Also, look for free events in your community. Ours has a lot esp. during the summer months so you would only be out the $ for a babysitter. Something my husband and I enjoy is finding a book we both read and discuss. We tend to buy them on our Amazon account (and then can download to both Kindles) but you can always go to a library and get 2 copies of the same book. Or go to a book store and have a coffee and sit and read for awhile. Discuss the plot, characters, etc. as you go along. Finally, try to find someone you can swap babysitting with. This one is difficult but can be done. Other moms in your neighborhood, friends, etc. Ask around and see if there are cheaper sitters available (obviously still quality people!). Maybe a teen in your neighborhood will babysit for less $ than an adult. Maybe you can trade a service or good for babysitting. Are you a SAHM? Can you do someone’s laundry or ironing or some house cleaning, pet sitting, pet walking, car washing, lawn mowing, etc. in exchange for babysitting or for enough $ to pay a sitter? Your husband is telling you that he misses you and wants to spend more time with you. You have to listen but you are both going to have to get creative to make it happen without breaking the bank! 🙂
When our kids were younger a friend and I would swap kids for lunch every other week. Then each of us got to meet our husbands for lunch twice in the month. No cost for childcare and no encroachment on the families’ time with daddy in the evenings. I think picking one week when you have an all out date, and then having the other weeks planned out with a cheaper or freebie date might be a good way to save some money and have something to look forward to. Maybe once a month do a special dinner at home and kids go to bed a little early. Once a month a lunch date. Once a month coffee, dessert or ice cream date. Take turns being the one who plans the date. Lots of good ideas in this post. Thanks!
My husband and I use whatever errands we can as date time. We will grocery shop, go to Home Depot, even to Costco just for sampling (actually this is our favorite). Our teens don’t require caregivers now, but we would often split time with a neighbor when they did (our family doesn’t live in the area). We did attend a church that offered care in November/December so parents could Christmas shop or go on a date. Might be a good ministry to start and parents could rotate on a monthly basis.
If your husband wants to treat you and spend time alone with you, TAKE IT!!!
Count it as an INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE, a sound financial investment. Add up the money you are saving on mariage counseling and lawyers and enjoy life before it is too late. It is only a few years before those little ones are teens and are able to watch each other.
I am happily married for twenty one years and still in love with a man who loves me and lets me know, planning a bike ride for two this Friday.
REDBOX is great, if you start renting on line, they start giving you free rental codes.. I had bought one redbox $1.28 movie and received a second one for free with a code for renting online. I picked them up in the afternoon while my spouse was home and I also picked up a stouffers chicken enchiladas meal with a coupon ofcourse. We had popcorn (free at CVS using extra care bucks, did not want to pop the corn as it would wake the kids up and there goes the date!) We put the kids to bed (no sitter needed) had a double feature with popcorn, ate our yummy enchiladas, had a great time..all for under $6.00!!!!
I’m echoing what others have said…date night is about the time spent together and doesn’t have to be expensive.
Maybe go out for a nice dinner once a month, find something free or little cost in your community to do once a month and twice a month put the kiddos to bed early and have date nights in…nice candlelight dinner, movie, read a book together, give each other massages, be silly together, play board, card or video games together…the possibilities are endless.
I live in a small city and there are always a few free or little cost activities going on. Check out a fall festival, walk around and look at all the crafts and handmade items and maybe share a funnel cake and have coffee. Look for a historical or ‘ghost walk’ tour of your area. These are usually put on for free or little cost by the historical society. Even if ghosts aren’t your thing, I’ve found that there is history behind the urban legends and it makes it very interesting. I’ve checked out a few and the historical societies always do a wonderful job…sometimes cookies and coffee are served along the tour or at the end. Take a long walk around your neighborhood together and enjoy the fall leaves. Or take a drive to the country to see the fall leaves. You can do the same thing at Christmas time…walk your neighborhood or take a drive to see Christmas lights and decorations. I find walking with my husband at night very romantic. Go to a bookstore/coffeeshop together and peruse books and have coffee. Is your husband an outdoorsman? Go gun or bow shooting or even hunting with him (for the bow shooting, this would be assuming you already have a bow or it could be expensive to get set up…LOL!) My husband is an outdoorsman and he really enjoys it when I do these things with him. Do you have any hobbies that you share? If not, maybe find something to do together a few times a months. There are lots of inexpensive hobbies that could be really fun. Having shared hobbies and finding new experiences together add new elements of fun and romance to the relationship. My husband and I would like to try geocaching…haven’t yet…but it’s on our list. Check that out, it could be really fun for little costs. Pack a picnic dinner and go to a city park or state park. Plan a hike together at a National Forest. Search your area for points of interest and start making little trips to see things. My husband and I have went to see Indian burial mounds together, historical houses, landmarks, etc…all for very little cost. We even like finding old cemeteries and walking around together looking at the old graves and headstones. We once visited a cemetery with Revolutionary War soldiers buried there…neat! It all depends on your interests but when the desire is there to have fun, frugal dates, you can find a way! 🙂
As for the babysitting, I know this can be really expensive. My best advice would be to look to family and friends. If you don’t live near family and don’t have a lot of friends, try to find some other moms who are ‘kindred spirits’ in frugality. Arrange to trade night sitting so they can have date nights too. My sister and I did something like this for years. Both of our husbands worked night shifts and we didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them. We used to take turns keeping each other’s children on Saturday nights. It was a win/win…one of use got to have an afternoon and night alone with our husband. The other one still got to be with our husband but in ‘family time’ capacity as we had our own children plus the extra cousins. The kids loved the sleepovers with cousins. Now, with both my sister and I, our oldest children are 16 and we have built in babysitters for date nights. It does get much easier as the children get older. 🙂
Best of luck to you!
There are so many comments, that by now my suggestion may have already been suggested! But, just in case, I’ll let you know how my husband and I have weekly date nights – and have now for about 3 years. It’s very simple! I feed the kids before my husband gets home from work – something very easy. Then, once my husband is home, we allow our kids to watch a movie while we enjoy our own dinner together (and alone!). Sometimes it’s take-out, and other times it a meal that may take a bit more work than usual or something we love. Once the kids’ movie is over they go to bed early, with the older ones reading until their normal bed time. My husband and I enjoy watching an uninterrupted movie, having an uninterrupted conversation, reading a book together, giving massages, etc. There is no babysitting cost, and we only pay for something if we feel like splurging on something. WE LOVE OUR DATE NIGHTS!
We find it hard to get out on date nights too. My mom is our primary sitter but we find that we use her on the nights we have something to do/event to go to. So we may only get out on a date night once a month . . . if we’re lucky. But we made this Date Night “At Home” Jar – 30 ideas for things to do after you put the kids in bed. It is a great way to spend intentional time together. http://www.celebrateeverydaywithme.com/2012/09/30-ideas-for-date-nights-at-home.html
When kids are in bed a great 2 player game is Mancala. It is like $4 at Wal-mart.
First, congratulations on a strong marriage where you both would like more time together! As to how to do that, here are some ideas:
Stock up on cereal. General Mills cereal has a promotion going right now that will let you get a free adult movie ticket for every two boxes of cereal you buy. You might not need 16 boxes of cheerios or lucky charms this month, but if you see a good sale and you have coupons, it’s worth stockpiling. The cereal will keep for months. My family does almost all our cereal buying for the year when these promotions come out. Then for months we’re blessed with a cheap way to have date or family time.
Keep an eye out for other coupons and deals for your favorite activities. Check on ebay too. And check if the restaurant or activity has discount days. My teenage daughter found out that if she switched her lasertag date from a Friday to a Wednesday the admission was half off and they served free pizza and sodas all night.
Consider non-traditional dates. A picnic and long walk, a night in where the kids go to a relative’s or friend’s house, a tour of the local college’s gardens or art building… all of those can be fun, and they’re all cheaper than dinner and a movie.
Look for non-cash ways to pay for baby-sitting. You can swap sitting with other families. You can pay a local teenager with tutoring instead of money. You can ask family or friends to gift you with baby-sitting certificates for Christmas instead of having them spend time and money shopping.
Check your public library for fun events. Ours has free movie screenings (and free popcorn), book clubs, art classes, cooking classes, etc. Some of them aren’t particularly romantic, but others really do make for a fun date.
Finally, consider a stay-in approach that will let you avoid hiring a sitter and paying for an activity. If your kids are young enough to go to bed early you could fix their dinner an hour early and have a later candlelit dinner for two. Or if they’re older, consider renting them a special movie or video game and letting them have the night off from chores so that they have a fun evening in the living room while you and you husband snuggle up with some books or movies in bed. My kids used to love “banishing” the grown-ups from their movie night. We didn’t exactly get perfect privacy, but it was still fun and we did get to talk and relax and reconnect.
There ARE ways to spend time together without spending money. It just takes a little creativity.
I have a couple of friends who live far from family and the budget is real tight. They have started a tradition of having date nights at home after their three kiddos are in bed. They eat a little with the kids that night, but have a special just-for-them dinner that they enjoy together after they get the kids down. They often will try something new (like from Pinterest) and then play a board game, watch a movie or talk. You could also modify this and have a special dessert. It is easy, cheap and not dependent on others (you can even pull it off if one of the kids are sick!)
I would find another couple that you can swap babysitting with. We share babysitting with another couple and just trade kids, then we each get date nights without having to budget extra for a sitter. Of course, you can’t have one every week but maybe he could settle for every other. Our kids are of a similar age so they play well together, we found each other through Mops so if you have a moms group or church group it’s a great place to find another couple that may want to swap. You could try date nights at home after bed time but I find that doesn’t work very well for us, we get too involved in the stuff we need to get done and before we know it it’s time for us o go to bed! We have made a commitment though to go to bed early one night a week so we can talk away from the tv, dishes, computer, and everything else that distracts us. You can also save some money looking for good restaurant deals on Groupon and in coupon books or forego dinner and just get dessert or coffee. We used to go to book stores and browse through the travel section and talk about places we wanted to go. You have to get a little creative to avoid spending a lot but it can be done!
depending on your idea of a “date” playgrounds can be perfect: stop and get a fancy coffee on the way (or make one at home to take with you) and sit on a bench or picnic table while the kids play. This also works at fast-food places with play areas, you can buy 2 coffees (make sure the kids know it is not for meal time!) and a dollar-menu item for each child, and get out for under $10, easily. Kids are busy and you will have a few quiet moments with your spouse. This also works well if you or your spouse is disabled, as parks and public places like this are accessible for those with physical challenges like my family.
We were asked by good friends in our church if we wanted to do a date night co-op. It has been one of the best things for us. There are four couples involved and 10 children (with 2 more on the way) ages 2-11. Each couple has a Saturday night from 4pm-12midnight (you can set up yours for whatever timeframes you want). The family in charge feeds the kids (we do spaghetti and meatballs, carrot sticks, bananas and jello every time, so it’s pretty inexpensive) and and puts them to bed (using the parents’ bed, sleeping bags, etc.) with lots of playtime inbetween. When it’s not our week to host kids, my husband and I will walk together, then do dinner with a Groupon/Living Social coupon (usually spending about $20), and catch a movie at the dollar theater. Sometimes we come back to the house and clean out the basement, garage, etc. We’ve done the co-op for about 2-3 years now, and it has been incredible. The kids are used to each other, they play well together, and they are really helpful. If you decide to set up a co-op, make sure you trust the other couples, you parent similarly, and the kids get along well (and will go to bed for you, if you’re staying late). I do hope that is helpful to you! I think a regular date night is an incredible blessing, and this has enabled us to catch plays, concerts, dinners with friends, walks together, and much more for about $50-60 a month. I hope that you can find a way to make a date night a reality for your family!
So many creative ideas! When our 4 kids were too young to stay home alone and we did not have the $ for sitter and a date, we planned a date for after they went to bed. Bed time was 8:00. We would plan a dinner cooked at home or just home made dessert. Then we would rent a movie. For a while we had a date night to watch “Northern Exposure” a TV program that was on weekly at the time. Silly show, but we enjoyed our time together.
Trading babysitting works too, when you want time away from the house, but I think what made our stay at home dates most special was the planning for a special time together, not the money we spent.
When our kids were little we did not hire babysitters. Unfortunately I was so wrapped up in mothering and struggling with depression that I did not consider working on our marriage a priority. I deeply regret that because we struggle in our relationship and I am sorry that I modeled such behavior to my children. How wonderful it is that your husband desires this time with you.
A friend of my mom’s is a romantic and when finances were tight she would make a dinner for she and her husband to enjoy in their bedroom perhaps after the kids were in bed. Even if the kids are enjoying a movie you might be able to steal away to your room for a little together time.
I would encourage the children’s ministry volunteers to consider the kindness they are doing weary parents using the gifts they have been given. My pastor says he doesn’t have any gifts because gifts are meant to be given and he has shared his with others.
If u have friends w/kids, trade babysitting nights! Tell some what u’d like to do & see if any r game to do the same! Then u can budget just the date & spend just a bit or go all out depending of what u allot for that mths dates! Splitting a meal, going to & 1/2 off coupons r great to save extra $$ also! Also u can have movie nites where if the kids r old enough u stick a movie they’d like in one room & you all movie together in another! Make popcorn for all & juice or lemonade & make it a fun “date” nite for all! Do the same for game nite dates!
I would have a heart to heart with your husband, that is a good place to start when you are talking about spending money. If the goal is a good marriage, communication about the finances would be the place to start. If you both agree that this is how you want to spend money, then spend the money guilt free. If you don’t agree on spending the money rather than saving, and that causes stress, then dates nights are not going to help your marriage. Date nights do not prevent divorce, only the life changing gospel that causes us to live for more than ourselves can do that.
Could we get off the AWANA bandwagon and answer the ladies question? But first I have one of my own-how in the world could 4-5 dates cost $250? Are you in NY? Find a quality high school girl that will work for $5 or less an hour (in my area it is $3) and go out to eat twice a month and then do “free” stuff the rest of the time. Hike, go to a museum, take a drive and talk, window shop, whatever. Or maybe get into the groove by doing it every other week to start. Good luck, and don’t blow your husband off, if he is interested move heaven and earth to make it happen.
I can easily see how 4 dates can cost that much. I don’t live in an area with a lot of “free” things to do – no museums, very few parks and it is so hot and buggy most of the year that it is not an option, and our town only offers things like art walks a few times a year. We do get coffee or window shop but that gets depressing after awhile. Our last date night cost us $100 and we have free babysitting with the grandparents. There just aren’t a lot of options – there are no Groupons for my area, and very few restaurant coupons, we have no discount theaters. And I live in a town of 50,000 with a neighboring town of 30,000. So not a tiny place either. Our next date is to our college’s homecoming game, its 45 minutes away and I budgeted $80 and I am worried that won’t be enough. And we don’t have to bring food. So it really depends on what your area has to offer on how much you will spend.
$3 to $5 for a babysitter? I made that 20 years ago! I would be embarrassed to suggest a wage that low in any of the four states where I’ve lived.
Having watched several long term marriages disintergrate this past year, my perspective may be different. If my husband wanted weekly date nights, I would realize that the money spent on a date night is far cheaper than a divorce. He is telling you that you are his priority. Be thankful.
My husband and I spent the money on date nights. I am thankful. Did that slow down accumulation? Absolutely. Did it help us stick in the long haul? Yes!!! We cannot put a price tag on our marriage. Financial goals can be temporarily sidetracked.
Different seasons call for different priorities. Maybe it will only be six months that you will have a weekly date night. What is six months in all eternity? We do not know how long we have on this earth.
I have spoken to several widows. Again and again, they would give anything to spend time with their husbands. Invest in that relationship and you will reap blessed dividends.
My two cents!! Mary
Grandparents for free babysitting….
Take walks on the boardwalk = free and beautiful.
Groupon Now for spur-of-the-moment.
Go out for dessert not dinner.
Put the kids to bed early and snuggle with a good movie.
Our daughter has four children, born within five years. She stays home with them. One way she and her husband get time alone is to walk around the block, carrying a baby monitor with them, after the little ones are in bed. They get a little exercise, are never more than a couple of minutes away from the house, and get a break from being in the house with the kids all the time.
Your best bet is to barter w/ another family for child care. However, this requires you to babysit their children just as often of if they are childless perhaps you could cook, clean, do their taxes, mow their lawn, etc, etc, etc 🙂 You get my point, I’m sure.
We do this with another family, but we don’t have the time to date once a week. With all that we have going on we just can’t pull off the time element. I would suggest earning gift cards from different sites/apps (mypoints, viggle, appnanas) in order to pay for the date. You probably would not earn enough from these sites to go once a week though, depending on how much time you had to dedicate to them.
Good luck and let us know any tips that work out!
We keep our kids on an early bedtime schedule even on the weekends, so that we can have time together as a couple. Netflix is a good cheap date. How about lunch dates? Go eat at places that serve large portions and you can share-(Mexican, Asian) and order water. We really enjoy sitting out by the firepit on cool evenings.
I love the tip to trade babysitting with another couple, or get four couples to go in at once. Once week a month, you watch ALL the kids and it’s crazy, but then all three other weeks you get free babysitting.
We cash in the rewards from our gas credit card on a restaurant gift card, and use those for all of our dates.
If you have friends with kids, you can swap date nights. I have found that for my family, it only works if we commit to a certain night of the month. My husband and I get the first Saturday of each month while our partner family gets the second Saturday. This way, its already on the schedule. Even if we’re running short on funds and can’t afford to go out anywhere, it’s nice knowing that we have definite childcare and we can just go window shopping, people watching, go for a walk just the two of us, etc.
While I think it is tremendously sweet that your DH wants a weekly night out with you, not every marriage requires regular date nights to stay strong. There are lots of little ways to stay connected with your partner that are free (or almost); for some people those little things are much more important than a date.
Could you trade babysitting with friends so you could go out one week, and them the next?
Sometimes my husband and I go on lunch dates when our work schedules allow. These dates are usually short, but totally worth being able to spend extra time together.
Plus, if your kids are in school then child care is taken care of, and lunch at restaurants is usually cheaper than dinner!
My friend and I trade babysitting for each other for free. Also, date night can be a free drive through the country or just going out for ice cream. As long as you are enjoying each others company:)
I love the cheap date suggestions, but I don’t feel that “at home” dates really count. To us, everything people have mentioned as at home date nights are things we do on a regular basis. After the kids go to bed we always watch tv together, or read – one of our favorite things to do is read magazines together and read the interesting articles together. Sometimes we will play Wii but that gets loud. Anyway, at least for us, the whole point of a date night is to get away from the kids/house – I find it hard to relax and enjoy time with my husband when the baby wakes up crying or our 4 year wants a 3rd drink of water or I need to make lunches for school or I am staring at the pile of dirty laundry. It is important to make time for each other in the everyday, but for us at least it is extremely important to get away for a time. My husband currently works offshore and is only home for 7 days, and then gone for 14, so we don’t get out very often, but I love our dates an we are willing to spend the money for them. But I do think if we were able to do once a week, we would do only one “big” date a month and then do smaller free or cheap dates (coffee, window shopping etc.) One cheap thing we love to do is go to Best Buy and sample all the electronics we want but can’t afford lol. And if you are a member of SAMs club, they have a wonderful hot dog combo for $1.50, for the dog and a drink. The hot dog is usually enough for me, my husband adds chips but we can still eat for under $6, and then walk around and talk or test out the display furniture for awhile. Just get creative, but I definitely think once a week dates are important, so if you need to spend the money on a babysitter find some cheaper things to do while you are out.
Not sure if this was mentioned. A friend and I do a sitter swap. About once a month, I go to her house to watch her kids, and in return she watches our kid. Our arrangement is that we go over to each other’s house about 7:30pm/8pm. So, in general, our kids are asleep. It works out great for both of us. I actually look just as forward to watching her kids, as my night out. Think, tv to myself, snacks, and no guilt about doing nothing! The only hard part was getting used to going out so late (for us). But it is really nice to go for a late dinner, or other adult type things and feel young again.
You don’t say how old your kids are or how many you have, but if your area has a park district, I would check with them. Ours does a drop-off for $15/child for 3 or 4 hours on certain days (less than 50% the going rate for sitters here). But the better deal is that they have classes that are $3-5 per class (you sign up for a season). If you can find something on Saturday mornings (more likely than evenings for kids), you and your husband could have a breakfast or early lunch date and your kids could get in some fun time, too.
Find another couple to trade babysitting duties; take advantage of free events at the local library; buy an annual family membership to a museum or the zoo and have a date in the day; put the kids to bed early or stay up late for a steak and wine dinner and a grown-up movie (and dress up for it like you’re going out); do google searches for your town for free and cheap date nights and then sign up for email lists so you’ll always be in the know; pack a picnic lunch and go for a nature walk.
My husband and I sometimes eat dinner at home with kids. Then we don’t spend money going out to eat and less on sitter since she comes a little later. We sometimes run errands on our date and go for coffee and a walk. Doesn’t sound exciting, but we don’t often get to be together without kids so we enjoy it. It is what you make of it.
Home dates w/ carry-out after the kids go to bed.
For anyone who may can swap with someone reliable to get a date night even if it’s for a free walk in the park, be very thankful. I have been married over a decade, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have gone out together without the kids because we don’t have family who will help us or don’t have reliable child care. I’d settle for 2 hours of uninterrupted time to be able to talk and actually finish a conversation. Ha! I love my children, but be thankful if you have family or friends who can help you from time to time…..not everyone is so lucky.
I don’t know what your work situations are, but my husband farms so we take a LOT of our dates over lunch instead of in the evening. 1) Lunch menues are cheaper at restaurants. 2) Either kids are in school or one of their grandmas is available to babysit for free instead of paying a ton for an evening babysitter. We don’t always get in a date a week, but some months it’s pretty close to that! Also, we found a local place that has huge portions even for lunch so we can split an entree then have “dessert” at home; sometimes the whole date is only $10!! Hope something similar works out for you!
My kids don’t go to bed at a decent hour, but if they did I would say have a date once they went to bed. Netflix, rent a movie from the library if they are free, board games, etc.
Our church does a Date Night once a month in exchange for one or both parents working 1 night a year. They only need 2 couples or 3-4 adult individuals each month. They also use 4-6 teenagers (often older siblings of the littles) for “helpers” for the adults. Three stations – game, craft, and lesson – rotating through 1/2 hour slots for the “half” of the 3 hours. Kids are grouped by age. Second “half” is an age-appropriate movie with a snack. The kids bring blankets and snuggle up to watch the movies. The really little ones fall asleep before mom and dad pick them up. The movie could easily be replaced with music or read-alouds too.
This is a great opportunity to have a date out once a month without babysitter expense. We generally use this as our date “out” during the month but if you already have one date out, this can easily be the second. Do something fun and inexpensive – free events, picnic in the park, hiking at a nearby park, etc and it can be a nice and free (or very low cost) evening. The other weeks we have an at home date night after the kids go to bed. I found this link very helpful for getting ideas: http://www.simplymodernmom.com/category/project-52/
You might want to look into starting something like this – even with a group of friends with everyone taking a turn to watch the other families children in their homes once a month if you don’t have an organization to work through – if nothing like this is available.
It has been such a blessing for us!
Lea
We do not have any regular babysitters (paid or volunteer) close enough to our home to make that a workable option. We both get up really early, so if we try to have an at-home date after our child is asleep, we’re too exhausted. My husband’s work schedule allows him to come home at lunch time every once in a while. It’s nice to go out for lunch or sometimes just for coffee.
http://www.americascheapestfamily.com/books/type/thrifty-living/258-great-dates-wait
Just found this book- 258 GREAT Dates… may be worth checking out…
I believe regular dating should be a priority in a marriage! The time together is PRICELESS!!
But there are many things you can do for FREE and still enjoy each other!! Find a good friend/family member you can trade off for free babysitting!
Also, do fun free things like have a picnic in nice weather or walk around a favorite store! You can bring special drinks from home!
It is an investment and sacrifice of time you will benefit from the rest of your lives!
Once a week for us is a must ! I started years ago offering a babysitting co-op (I did it during the day while hubby was at work. I gave coupons with points out for free babysitting when I started the ladies that came to me wanted to go to a hair appointment , a dental appointment etc….. I had tons of points with each lady before one month was up, so I used them in the evenings for date nights.
We had a nite for a drive out of town to see the stars, I packed a nice blanket and hot chocolate, we drove out of the city so we could just sit watch the stars.
We have met with other friends to play cards (often, these are friends who have sent their kids to Grandma and Granpa’s for the evenings. We have gone on a hike on Sunday afternoon, we have done date nights at home play a game, create something great in the kitchen we strive for one large date night per month (where we spend for a great evening out) and 3 to 4 other date nights (depending on how many weeks in the month) to go on very cheap date nights. A drive through Christmas lights, a drive out to watch the sunset at the beach, A coffee at Barne’s and Noble and a stroll through the bookstore. A game of bowling with a coupon, a game of putt putt with a coupon. We do not do the traditional movie and dinner very often due to just a need for our own personal taste to be more creative with our time together. We even took one Sunday afternoon to stroll slowly through the grocery store and discover other things we might like to eat (we purchased a special meal for one of our other stay at home dates)
The main idea is to have fun together. We spend $30 to $100 on the one night that we spend a lot on the date the other dates are $5.00 or less. Sometimes you have to be extremely creative. I have hung lights in the living room in Feb. Placed our bedroom mattress on the living room floor and built a fire, we sat and listen to music and then…..
Life is about having fun , swap with friends and create your own fun. Our HOA has an indoor pool so once we packed a picnic lunch and just went to our local pool just the two of us. The one thing hubby and I share is taking photos we both love to do it so we take very short walks and take photos of everything! We take bike rides all the time.
Get very creative is the main goal of our time together.
One blog I loved challenged herself to have one date that focus on a different country each month of the year she did 12 of them and all of them sounded awesome. Passport date nights here: http://theromanticvineyard.com/2010/12/28/project-52-the-taulbees-take-an-unexpected-turn/
Our marriage was really suffering because we didn’t make date nights a priority due to finances. Finally I realized that it was either make being debt free #2 or lose my marriage. Yes, it got that bad. Now we go on dates every single week and I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes. I can literally feel this weight off of my shoulders now that we’ve made some changes.
We were lucky enough to have a free sitter (grandma) every week. But, even if you don’t consider doing something cheaper to make up the difference. http://www.thedatingdivas.com is one of the best “cheap dates” sites I’ve ever seen. They’ve given us TONS of ideas.
Another option is to check out an article I wrote. We did these dates when my husband didn’t even have a job, so you should be able to swing them. The daiting http://thekrazycouponlady.com/finance/cheap-date-oodles-of-ideas-for-an-affordable-night-out/
Good luck!
Sorry, don’t include “the dating”. The link is simply, http://thekrazycouponlady.com/finance/cheap-date-oodles-of-ideas-for-an-affordable-night-out/
Could you compromise and do two date nights a month?
For us, we’d rather lose out on the money than the time. It’s worth it to spend the money every week as long as we are making our marriage a priority.
Bedtime is an important thing to keep consistent at our house. It is a win-win situation because the kids get a good solid and consistent night’s rest, and as soon as we come downstairs from tucking them in, we know it is “our” time. Yes, our children are still in the younger years which probably makes a difference here and we also have chosen to keep our life schedules at a minimum compared to some (meaning we are not committed to a variety of repsonsibillities that would compromise this time). Knowing that we get this time to catch up with each other daily, eat a fun treat together, or watch a movie together is priceless to me. There are times when a special meeting arises or a sickness in the family comes along and means this time has to be postponed, but my main point is that we know that it won’t be long until our next “date!” Yes, we ocassionally get to go “out” on a date, but those are rare and a definite treat. I relish in knowing that most every night of the week we are committed to time with each other, and I look forward to every one! Maybe your husband would be interested in the 365 date plan?
America’s Test Kitchen has a great series of cookbooks called Cooking for Two. A few years ago, we had some unexpected major expenses and money was really tight, so my husband bought me one for our 15th anniversary. Our usual plan is to feed the kids a normal dinner (spaghetti and meatballs or something easy like that) and then while they are getting ready for bed, we cook our dinner- sometimes fancy, sometimes not, always delicious! Then once they’re in bed, we have our date night at home, eating in front of the fireplace or out on the deck. Even with a glass or 2 of wine, we can have a gourmet dinner for much less than if we ate out, and don’t have to pay for a babysitter.
There are four weeks in a month, maybe you could arrange to do something different every week, like a stay-at-home date one week; a one-hour speed date the next (go out for ice cream our browse a bookstore); an all-out traditional date the next, and a family date with the kids the next.
There are some fabulous and very creative ideas at http://www.thedatingdivas.com on how to date your husband! We have never grown bored with having a weekly date night, we have three a month at home and one a month out on the town with my in laws babysitting…it’s wonderful!!! And so worth if for your marriage!
We do lots of at home dates. Snuggling and watching an episode of the Office from the library while eating ice cream is a relaxing treat, and we don’t have to stay up late or get a sitter.
I wouldn’t be comfortable having most people we could swap with watching our kids weekly, can’t afford to pay a sitter, and I think our families would feel overloaded if we asked them to watch our 3 kids under 4 more than once a month. In this season of small ones we try to just carve out short times to reconnect that don’t exhaust me for the next day (like cleaning the whole house for a sitter, or packing up everything three kids need for bedtime to take them somewhere.
I think your biggest problem is getting a sitter due to that expense.
Solve that problem in the cheapest manner–trade time with other moms,,etc.
then your “date” nights are open to endless possibilities.
There are usually so many things to do—free community activities, church activities, volunteer activities.
Date night doesn’t just have to be an expensive dinner/meal and a movie!
Volunteering together……
I second the AWANA recommendation despite the snarky comments regarding it earlier. When I signed my two year old up for AWANA I was told to use the time for date night by the lady running the program, and the handbook states that parents of 3-5 year olds have to be alternates in case of short staffing.
Anyhow, I’d say that date night can be as implement as going out for coffee. Your husband probably feels that getting out of the house is helpful to your marriage. Dates at home are wonderful, but distractions abound at home… I say do drinks and appetizers when going out, or just coffees, desserts… And do look into swapping babysitting. Don’t be afraid to ask for friends to babysit. We’ve had great success with that as well. Best wishes!
I would rather have a great marriage than a savings account. Your husband sounds like a gem!!
For many reasons, we don’t get date nights out away from kids right now. (And haven’t for a year and a half.) No family help, no swapping options, expensive sitters, time, etc…I won’t lie, it absolutely stinks. However, (and I’ve been married for awhile now), if either my husband or I said that we needed to go out once a week together, then we would find a way no matter what. (And we’ve been there.) Sometimes there are seasons when something that seems like a luxury is really more of a necessity. If that was the case, we’d spend the money instead of putting it into savings for awhile.
Sitter swapping is great–i highly reccommend it.
We don’t have kids yet, but my husband and I love using a free Redbox code, get some B1G1 take out using our Entertainment book, and having a nice snuggle evening in front of the TV.
Our gym/YMCA hosts “Mommy’s Night Out” every 6 weeks or so. It’s free for members and $10 a kid for non-members. I’ve seen other groups offer the same type of service, especially during Christmas time (our local Volleyball team will babysit at the school while Mom’s can go and do Christmas shopping and they raise money for their uniforms). If your kids are of age to start a sport or social group, consider having a quick coffee date while they are participating in their activity. Depending on age, maybe go to a family fun center and share a pizza while the kids play in the ball pit. We will take our Niece and Nephew to Chuck E. Cheese’s and they go and play the games they want while we share a nice conversation or play some games that we enjoy.
Also, if you have a local IKEA (I wish we did), why not utilize the free 1 hour of day care and go to the cafe for a cheap dinner?
Your hubby is right! Take the time for each other. Find an activity you love to do together. Several years ago, my hubby & I discovered that we both love to play tennis. After the purchase of our tennis equipment, our tennis dates became free. As far as a babysitter…we have issues with that. Our families are 1000 miles away. We often trade with another couple for babysitting, especially if we will be going out for dinner. Most of the time, we eat dinner at home with the kids and then go do something fun…just us…and often for no money. $250 a month seems totally outrageous to me. We have been married 17 years, and we have always had regular date nights. Just thinking about it today, I guess we probably average between $75 and $100 per month.
If you have friends with kids get for families or couples…Each of you take one week of babysitting one night a week…this give each of you three date nights a month it also gives your kiddos a special night a week for a play date wit friends 🙂 This way you can use your own home for a cheap date night. Even if its just to sit together and have a kid free conversation for an hour and enjoy a cookie without having to share with a kid. Or read a book together…take a walk. Also check your local area movie theaters where we used to live we had three different ones that always only charged $2, midnights were $1 and tuesday all day was $1. There was one that was $2.50 to get or $3 for a movie ticket and $3 of concessions worth so for $6 my hubby and I could have a date night. Also check into places like your local bowling alley ours has a night once a week that is $1 a game, shoe rentals are like $0.25 then the concessions are like $0.50 for drinks, $0.25 for hotdags or fries so there again for less then $10 we can have a date night and dinner that lasts several hours. Also depending on the age of your kids you can do something like our neighbors did we lived about 10 ft from them they had 4 kids the oldest was like 12-13, one 11 and a 9 year old, the youngest was like 3… after dinner they would ask us to keep an ear out for the kids, told the kids to come get me if they needed something, then just went grocery shopping together. It might have been an errand but they got to spend a couple of hours just together and it didn’t cost them any extra. Granted I don’t have kids but these are just some ideas I’ve seen done that seemed to work.
While hubs and I don’t have any kid (yet!) we found tons of ways to have fun date nights without spending a lot of money, or even leaving the house.
Get a large puzzle and spend an hour or so every Saturday putting it together and talking.
Make cookies and sit in front of the stove to watch them bake! (Nothin’s says lovin’ like something from the oven’!)
Rent a movie and snuggle on the couch together after the kiddies go to bed.
Have a candle light dinner and spend it reminiscing about your dating days.
If one of your kids is old enough to watch the rest for an hour or so, or if someone nearby wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a short time, go for a walk around the block. (Hubby and I work at the same job, and we always take walks on our lunch breaks. During these walks we talk about what we’re learning in our personal Bible studies, or have hypothetical conversations. Last night’s topic? Which fictional character would you vote for for President!)
Have a picnic in your backyard while the kids take a nap on an afternoon.
Take turns giving each other a romantic massage. I’m sure as a mommy, your body gets pretty sore chasing kids all day!
If you can afford a sitter, there are usually lots of free things to do in your community if you know where to look. This weekend, for example, there’s a meteor shower. Some local parks and observatories are having free admission the night of the event. Try doing a Google search or check your local newspapers for free events in your area!
Go to the library, find a collection of jokes or comic strips (Hubby likes Garfield) and sit and read together. Try not to laugh too loud!
Board games are always fun, too. Hubby and I played a lot of Monopoly when we were dating, but we don’t much anymore. I got tired of always winning, lol. But we’ll still play Uno or another card game.
With a little creativity, the possibilities are endless!
As a poor just-graduated single who loves kids, I actually could care less about getting paid for babysitting – I enjoy it. But I find it to be a real blessing when the family will have be over for dinner or just allow me to be involved in their lives. It helps the loneliness with not having a family of my own and it is so nice to not have to cook. Maybe see if a young single in your church would be willing to swap babysitting for a once-a-week dinner or lunch with your family? I know I would feel blessed to have been reached out to in that way.
I did this, too, before we married and adopted…..and REALLY liked it, too!
I second this concept. I am married with no kids yet, but I love kids. I would be delighted to babysit for free. My husband and I would have fun doing it together. Sometimes for people without kids, a night with kids is actually a real treat! You might consider if there’s someone who wouldn’t mind doing it for free. Also, anytime someone offers to help you, tell them you might could use some babysitting help sometime and see how they react. You can usually tell if they’re excited by the idea.
I can cook fairly well. Do you live out East near me 😉 I’d love to have any of you over to entertain, um, babysit my toddler.
http://20dollardatenight.net/ is an amazing resource! My husband and I have started doing $20 dates and it’s awesome!
I know that a lot of moms around here swap childcare- perhaps you could take a friend’s kiddos one night or day a week and they could take yours?
This may not seem like much of a date for some, but it’s honestly one of the best times of my week. My hubsband and I get up early every Wednesday to sit, chat, read the Bible, and pray together for an hour or so over coffee. Yes, we pray together other times/read the Bible at meals, etc. However, this one morning, we can (almost) gaurantee our children won’t interrupt us. To make it special, plan ahead and make a homemade version of your favorite latte, tea, etc. and share some yummy muffins, scones, etc.
I love this idea! Thansk for sharing such a creative date. What a fantastic date/way to start the day together.
Do you have an IKEA near you or a Wegman’s grocery store? Some of those have childcare play places. During the week, you can drop your kids off at the Ikea play place for one hour. You and husband can grab something to eat at their snack bar or do some needed shopping. At Wegman’s some of their stores have a play area. It’s for up to two hours. And you can eat in their food court or do some food shopping. I used to meet friends there for lunch, and my kids played. They loved it! I’ve heard of restaurants that have a child-friendly area for them to eat, while parents eat in the main restaurant. Look locally on some kids’ websites to find out about these types of options.
Are your kids enrolled in any classes? You can do your date during that time. Or take advantage of times your kids have sleepovers or birthday parties at friends’ houses. Or, if grandparents are visiting, ask if you can run out for an hour. Also, sometimes community centers will have a drop-off night that is inexpensive . The best is to ask around locally to see what is available. Good luck!
I have a feature on my blog called $20 Dates, where I share dates that cost us anywhere from free to $20.
As far as baby sitter goes, do you have any friends or co-workers with children? My bebe isn’t here yet but I hope to be able to do a “trade” with a friend… maybe we can watch their children for free on Friday and they can watch ours free on Saturday, something like that. =]
From experience, you will tire of weekly date nights. I would suggest if you are doing once a month to bump it to two and go from there. We do two date nights a month. The first one, we have found a 13 year old that comes and watches our daughter for cheap. We literally go to the nice restaurant close to our house (that always has coupons) and have a nice dinner, walk around the shopping center, and come home. This night usually costs about 20-30 dollars. The next date night, we will call the regular sitter, grab a bite at a place and usually go to the movies. There are still theaters around that are cheap. We have one that is $1.50 on week nights, and $2.00 on weekends. If we want to swing something else, we stay at home. We have a pizza place that has 3.99 pizza carryout that we will order after the tyke goes to bed and eat by candlelight. Or we have been known to whip up some hot chocolate and sip it on the back porch. However, I think you need to look at this not from a financial perspective but an emotional one. Do you need/want 52 dates a year?
I do! I would love it if I could go out alone with my husband weekly, what a wonderful goal to have and how strange that someone would think that one night alone per week with the person they chose to spend their life with is too many!
We do a few things to get in more regular date nights. Once a month we do a splurge type date– with a babysitter, dinner out and sometimes a movie or activity of some kind. But those are expensive. We can’t afford too many. We have two different couples that we swap with regularly which is really nice, our kids enjoy time with friends and we get a free date. We swap with them for another week. We also sometimes just pick up some dessert from a favorite restaurant and wait until the kids are in bed to eat it together and watch a movie. The biggest thing for this is to make it an actual “date” turn off the phones and the computers, which can sometimes be hard to do at home. But we can have a lot of fun just hanging out at the house!
Good luck, I think once a week dates are a GREAT goal to have. It shows that you are putting your marriage as a priority and don’t let anyone tell you it’s unimportant. My parents have been married for 35 years and my mom says regular date nights are a big reason for that.
“how strange that someone would think that one night alone per week with the person they chose to spend their life with is too many!”
I’m not sure she is saying that one night alone with her husband per week is too many. It think the point is that not every couple “needs” a weekly date night. And that’s ok. Some couples do need one and that’s ok, too. Some couple need them during some seasons of their lives and not during other seasons and that’s ok, too.
My husband I and have three children ages 4 and under with another on the way. We NEED to get away from the kids just so we can talk without interruption. (Neither of us are night people and we go to bed soon after the kids) This summer we had a lot of weekly dates where we read a really good marriage book together on our dates and discussed it over coffee in the park. It was relatively inexpensive for the coffee, and the babysitter, well, she was worth every penny. We found that just the peace and quiet together made the rest of the week more calm and we communicated better and had better intimate times. While we don’t always have weekly dates, we find that the more frequent they are, the better. I think in this season, it is crucial to have that quiet time together since the kids require most of our attention.
How blessed you are! My husband would be happy with once yearly date nights! Once a month would be a treat.
Here are some ideas:
Have an at home date after the kids are in bed. Rent a movie and share dessert.
Have lunch instead of dinner…or even coffee. Sitters for 2 hrs are cheaper than a whole evening.
Check your local Y, school or kids fun club/center to see if they offer a Parents’ Night Out. Usually, it only costs about $8-12 a kid for about 3-4 hours. Way cheaper than a babysitter.
Our church does parents night out once a month, for $5 per child with a max of $12 for the whole night (usually 6-10 pm). The youth group does it as a fundraiser but there are plenty of adults there too. It is way cheaper than a sitter and an especially good deal if you have 3 or more kids. Our pastor and his wife have 6 kids and they only go out on dates when there’s parents night out.
I love this idea.
I’m not sure how old your children are, but could you trade babysit with another couple for one night each week? With your kids gone to someone else’s house, you could enjoy a date night at home. Make a nice dinner for the two of you, and then you could rent a movie, play games, or simply just enjoy a leisurely meal and spend time talking like you probably did when you were dating. At Christmas time, you could even pack snack foods in the car and spend some time driving around enjoying the Christmas displays. 🙂
I, too, would love this! But we have come to the same conclusion that we just can’t afford it. Instead, we have one, maybe two (if he’s worked a lot of overtime that month – I am a stay at home mom) bigger dates with a sitter each month. On the other weeks, we will make a simple dinner for the kids and then put a movie on for them. Then, my amazing husband will pick up take-out from somewhere for us, and we will eat it in the other room. The “big” kids (6 and 7) know that they aren’t supposed to interrupt unless it is an emergency or our 16-month-old needs something. After the kids are in bed, we will watch a movie we got from the library or play a game or just talk.
Hope that helps!
This sounds reasonable! To have a full date after the kids are in bed is difficult for this early bird. This would allow us to spend time together without interruption WHILE I am still awake! It would be special for the kids too as they don’t usually watch movies. They would have something to look forward to as well. Very practical advice! Thanks!
Is there a friend who would also love to have a date night with her hubby that you could trade baby sitting with? She watches your kids while you guys go out and then you watch her kiddos when they go out. Also, dates don’t have to cost anything. Maybe you could have a picnic in the park or walk around your local farmer’s market. Check online to see hat free local events are going on around you! Hope this helps!! And kuddos to your hubby for suggesting a once a week date night!!
Date nights are a nice idea and having them weekly is definitely commendable, but it is quite possible to date your spouse without having traditional “date” nights away from the children. Such date nights in our house are very rare because of financial constraints and enough children that farming them out or paying a sitter becomes unreasonable. Still, I think our marriage is stronger than most in spite of it all . . . or maybe because of it. We might get out on an official “date” once every three months or so when we have a gift card or special destination. For the rest of the time, we make special times for each other.
1)We do not believe in engaging in a whole lot of activities after school or on the weekends that might sap us of the energy to be together as a family or couple. Family time and togetherness at our home is more important than sports, parties, and other extra-curriculars.
2)We are always “dating”. . . even while our children are present. Daddy holds the door for me and serves me like we were always on a date. I think it’s really important that the kids see us snuggle and favor each other over the children while still including the children in our mutual conversation.
3)We believe in bedtimes for our children, not just because kids should get more sleep (and they should). We do it for our marriage. Even when the children are older and need less sleep, they must be in their rooms after a certain time reading or doing something independently and quietly without interrupting Mommy and Daddy.
4) We do not have a television and we do limit our internet movies to only a few hours per week on average. Many families lose hours and hours of family and couple time to veg in front of the television. Often the only things they have to show for it is lack of imagination, discontented-ness with their own lives as they compare themselves to the fictional characters on the screen, and couch potato waistbands.
5) We work together in the kitchen, yard, and office. We tackle projects together.
6)We snuggle and chit chat at bedtime for a while before sleeping. We do the same in the morning as we wake up.
I feel that we accomplish more in our marriage by loving each other through the mundane things than we would on any date. It’s a marriage after all. It’s about the every day living together . . . not about the escapes from the every day.
Melodie, these are my sentiments exactly. I think by and large there is a lot of false guilt about not having a weekly date night. Even though most of my children are older and we don’t need to hire a babysitter we still don’t have weekly date nights. I think making your marrige a priority every day is the key. Dealing with issues as they come up and not waiting for “date night” to talk about them also helps keep those few official date nights fun.
We have been married 21 years and although we’ve done different things at different times in order to have alone time (things such as putting the children to bed early, swapping babysitting with another family, etc.) I refuse to believe that in order to have a strong marriage you need to have a date night every week.
Now, if a couple has decided that a weekly date night is what they want to do and what the Lord would have them do, then that’s what they should do. I have friends who do have weekly date nights and I respect them for their commitment to follow what God has laid on their hearts.
“It’s about the every day living together . . . not about the escapes from the every day.”
Our lifestyle is very different from how you’ve described yours, but I absolutely agree with this. Same goal, different ways to get there!
Melodie, Angi and Andrea. Completely agree. It’s good to stay focused on always growing together.
Melodie – some great ideas in there.
1. Tackling projects together – fantastic! Growing together is so important.
2. No TV – I am WITH YOU HERE!
3. Participating in the mundane together. I like this 😉 It reminds me of David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech at Kenyon University:
http://www.openculture.com/2012/03/david_foster_wallaces_kenyon_graduation_speech.html
Hubby and I have a date night every Sunday night after church. We feed the kids before church and put them right to bed when we get home. Our meal is either leftovers or a frozen something I bought on sale. We either have time to talk or watch TV/movie together as a couple without interruptions. We can still be in bed on time for work/school the next day. It’s so nice to have the alone time without kids. (Our 3 kids are 5,3, and 4 months).
You might just need to rethink your idea of what a “date” is. We do sometimes do the big date night with a sitter/movie/dinner, but really it’s the quality time with your spouse that really matters!
Some of our favorite times together is when we put the kids to bed and sit by the fire (outside). We will talk, roast marshmellows and just enjoy each others company.
Instead of paying a babysitter perhaps you could swap “trades” for their time? For example, they may babysit for you while you clean their home or mow on a different day, etc. To keep the cost down on date nights, think of things you can do for free or cheap. $1 menu’s at fast food restaurants, $1 movie theaters or just go back home to make dinner & watch a movie. Where there is a will, there is a way! 🙂
Do something free! Go on a nice hike, ride bikes together, walk through downtown together, go rock climbing – it is more romantic that way!
Here is an idea for free babysitting twice a month (it wouldn’t work weekly in our house). If you have friends with little children, consider a babysitting swap. You and your husband can go out while your friend comes over and watches your kids. Her husband watches their kids at their house. Then you swap the next week and they go out.
My husband and I have usually $10 budgeted for date night (which we do once a month). My parents take the kids overnight (I am so thankful to having AMAZING parents!) and my husband and I rent a movie and get some junk food from the grocery store that we normally would not buy. Its amazing how different (and relaxing) the house feels without the kids. My husband and I get to have an extended period of quality time together without spending hardly any money and my kids get to have a fun sleep over at grandma and grandpa’s house. Win for everyone!
We’ve done weekly date nights for most of our marriage, and they are fantastic! You and I are blessed women indeed to have husbands who believe this is important. 🙂
There are many ways to have inexpensive dates, especially if you eat dinner at home or pack a picnic before you go. The childcare is usually the challenge, but as other people suggested, perhaps there’s a family you could swap with. Or perhaps there is someone you could barter some other service you or your husband could provide, in return for babysitting? Maybe having a single person over for dinner once/week, and then you and your husband leave for a couple of hours after dinner? Or, if you are a member of the “Y” or a similar place where you are getting “free” childcare, why not make use of that and simply have your date at that location while the kids are being watched.
If it’s easier, and your husband’s job is flexible, what about a late lunch date during the week while the kids are napping (assuming you have littles)? Perhaps an older neighbor would be willing to come sit in your quiet house while you slip out?
I love your idea of having a single person over for dinner each week and then seeing if they would be willing to watch your children for a few hours afterwards for you to have date time. We have the young adults class from our church over one Sunday a month for dinner and a movie and they are always asking if there is anything they can do for us. Maybe I will use this idea the next time they ask. Thanks for the suggestions! 🙂
We do swap childcare with my brother & sister-in-law for an every other month date, but other times my husband & i do an “at home” date after the kids are in bed…special meal (we’ve done Aldi’s steaks, appetizers, or other ‘restaurant’ food from a restaurant cookbook i have) & a Redbox movie or the like. Even though it’s not going out, we still enjoy it!
Swap Babysitting with friends of family
Think outside of the box for date nights – instead of the normal dinner and a movie:
-go hang out in the bookstore together
-grab a coffee
-Have a date night at home and send the kids off somewhere
-Take a drive together
-Visit a museum
-Walk around in your downtown area and window shop
I love the idea of getting coffee together! Um, duh 🙂 It seems so simple but I hadn’t thought of it. So my mom’s in town right now and a quick coffee date is just what the doctor ordered! Thanks!
I recently wrote a blog post on this, because we have the same problem! Our kids are 3 years old, almost 2 years old, and we have a third one on the way. We’re working on our debt snowball, so we don’t have a lot of money to spare. This is how we do it:
http://theabundantwife.com/5-cheap-date-ideas-for-you-and-your-spouse/
Find another couple to trade babysitting with, or see if you can swap babysitting for something else that you do, like baking, sewing, or I have a friend who does personal training in exchange for babysitting.
Also keep an eye out for specials and try to go during the week instead of on wee ends. My Husband and I often go to a movie or out to eat for as cheep as $15 with coupons. Just remember to plan ahead and that dates don’t have to be expensive to be enjoyable.
Where we live we have a really beautiful town square and sometimes we just go down there and look at the lights and eat an ice cream.
It might be worth asking your husband if “date night” needs to be “without kids night”. I believe you can still have a great date night after the kids are in bed, with low cost activities. Watching a movie together, playing board games, having a late night romantic dinner, are all ways you can reconnect with each other without going out or having to spend a ton of money.
Another option is a baby sitting swap or coop with other parents from your neighborhood, church, or school. You might have to watch more children on one night, but then can go out without the cost of a babysitter. You can find free museums or other free local activities to do on these nights outs, so you can save the money for babysitters on other nights.
Good luck!
I have a friend who I swap babysitting with, so we each get date nights out without paying for babysitting!
I would also suggest expanding the idea of what your “dates” have to be. Can you put the kids to bed early one night a week and have a movie date or special dinner at home? Does your church, community center, gym or library have drop-off activities for the kids? If so, you can use that time for a lunch date or grocery shopping date with your hubby.
One last idea is to look into drop-in child care places. They might not be as expensive as you think, especially if you only use it for one hour here or there to have a quick coffee date.
Good luck!!
Do you have a friend that you can trade babysitting with? Then that will take care of the sitter cost. And try to think of inexpensive or free things you can do…such as a picnic with just the two of you, walking through the mall, $1 scoop night at Baskin Robbins, hiking on a nearby trail, bike rides, etc. Also check if your town does a monthly art walk through downtown or something similar. And if none of those work, maybe just try for a date every two weeks instead of every week. Good luck!!!
I would suggest finding someone to swap baby sitting with. Another family with kids close in age and you could alternate weekends, or days, however you wanted to do it.
Agreed, swapping babysitting with someone else was going to be my first suggestion!
Also don’t forget to ask childless friends if they would be willing to watch kids for 1 night/month or 1 night every other month. while they may not want to be committed to a weekly date night they may be very excited to be asked to sit for kids occasionally as it is fun to have them for a couple hrs to do fun visit and dinner!
We have a some friends who haven’t entered the parenting season of life, so occasionally they will watch our kids for free. Also, I have a few young teenagers who are willing to babysit for whatever we can afford to pay them. But b/c they don’t have their own transportation yet, I pick them up & take them home. If you can find a 13-15 year old they are usually willing to accept a cheaper rate of pay than someone who is older especially if they understand your financial circumstances. My husband also recently decided that we should strive for a weekly date night to strengthen our marriage, so I can understand & sympathize with you!
We do something like this. I pick up my kids and 3 kids from 3 other families from school everyday. In return, if I need a sitter, we have an agreement that they will watch them for free. I don’t accept anything for being a “taxi” and they don’t accept anything for sitting. Between the 3 families I can usually find one that is available for the time I need, I have even sent one kids to each family before…lol
We swap babysitting too. It works great and we have never paid for a sitter. We’ve done it two ways, one where we drop our kids off at our friends’ house and they watch the kids for a couple hours. Then we switch another night. The other way we’ve done it, is for one of us (usually me) to go to the friends’ house and stay with their kids there while the parents go out. This way, the kids can get to bed at their usual bedtime.
We have had very nice dates where all we did was go for a walk at the park. We were able to talk and connect. Another thing we have done was to eat our meal at home but go to a nice restaurant and enjoy dessert and coffee. Trade out babysitting with friends. Dates don’t have to be on the weekends. Lunch dates are nice and the food is usually much cheaper.
You don’t have to go anywhere to have a date night. Kids go to bed…plan some of your date nights for then!
Absolutely!
We do this a lot!
I have heard of some parents using AWANA for their children as a way to get date nights (depends on the age of your children though). My in-laws are able to babysit our kids for date night fortunately, but I do know that a standard rate around here for a babysitter is $6-8 an hour for 1-3 kids total. Find ways to go to cheap restaurants or movies with Groupons, etc. We spend MAYBE $35 for dinner at somewhere “nice” like Olive Garden or Outback. It would help if we knew the breakdown of the $250 you are spending.
as an awana teacher, i know for a fact this is done weekly in our church. makes me sad though that parents at our church who should be helping out teaching (we are always short staffed) are instead drinking beers with each other and letting us babysit :/
I would agree because these are the kids that the teachers will have the worst time with as they know their parents are not there and they are not accountable. I have been in this situation many years ago and it is not fair to those who give their time.
I think it’s unfair to say that all parents drop their kids off for you to baby sit while they go out and drink beers. Some parents want their children to learn all the good stuff in Awana and are multitasking and using that time as date night. God doesn’t call every parent to teach Awana. My husband is a worship leader and I also am involved in different ministries, and my son will be going to Awana and we may use tht time to grab a bite to eat and enrich our marriage.
I agree with Stacy. Some parents take advantage of the AWANA situation and even come late, (my opinion that is in poor taste). However, I think they are deserving of Multitasking it as Stacy says, especially if they are called to a different ministry. It all boils down to being intentional in stewardship with your time and kind to others.
Nowhere in my post did I say “all parents.”
You do not need to defend yourself to me. Just stating a fact: At my church Awana program, parents do use it as a babysitter so they can have date night. It’s wings night on Wednesday at the local steakhouse. It’s a small town. We know who drops and ditches.
I feel it’s my responsibility to hire a sitter for date night, not burden an already stressed children’s program in need of adult helpers just so I can date my husband. That’s my opinion – and I am entitled to it 🙂
In our town the gym has a day care and parents were dropping off kids and leaving them to go have dinner or drinks the gym had to crack down on parents oh people !
Seems like it is actually an awesome opportunity to teach kiddos about Christ, regardless of what their parents are doing (especially if these aren’t families that would normally go to church). It’s all about lookign at it from a positive perspective 🙂
If the program is really that stressed for help, you could always ask that parents whose kiddos participate volunteer once a month or once a quarter or something.
I understand that must be frustrating. Our church has a rule that parents must stay on the premises for Sunday School and church events that offer childcare, but not for Awana. I suppose that is because Awana is an outreach. It is also way more than babysitting! Just think, the kids who may not be growing up with Jesus as Lord of their home may be same people who will one day be the ones teaching in Awana because they found Jesus at church! You are making an eternal difference. And Jesus loves everyone. He was bold and didn’t excuse sin, but was full of compassion.
I hurt my marriage by working at awana when I knew I should be spending that time with my husband. I think it is important to be where the Lord wants you to be, and nowhere else.
I agree. My husband and I use to help out alot at our church and our marriage and children suffered. We were so busy doing for everyone else that we weren’t able to get our own responsibilities cared for. One year we had a mom drop off her 10 month old baby every night and didn’t stay. This isn’t fair to take advantage of people who are trying to provide a ministry while sacrificing their own spiritual needs.
As a single parent that has a child that attends Awana, this makes me really sad to read.
I don’t use it as date night but I do usually run errands…Should I stay the entire time in case they need help, and If I don’t stay am I abusing a program provided by our church?
I send my child to grow in his faith, and to interact with his friends from pre-school and Sunday School more.
Your comment makes me feel bad…like right now his teachers are scolding me because I didn’t stay…(the other parents don’t either by the way)
If your church or a church in your community offers a childeren’s program like awanas and it is not mandatory the parents stay then they should not be made to feel bad for not. What they do with that time is their decision and it’s not your place to judge.
These programs are offered to one…be additional ministry to memebers childrends and two as an outreach to reach other families in the communities who may not attend church on a regular basis.
Try being less judgmental, and ask for volunteers for your program… instead of gossiping about your church family.
You do a wonderful thing by ministering to young people but it seems it’s not with the best attitude.
Hi AJ – Please don’t feel badly about using the time your son is in AWANA to run errands. It sounds like God has opened a door for your child’s walk with Him to be strengthened and for you to get some things done. Also, know that most people who are leading and teaching these programs are NOT judging you. Be blessed!
Don’t feel bad. I am sorry those in here feel this way. My parnets dropped me off at AWANA everyweek when I was a kid. AWANA changed my life. I am where I am today largely thanks to the foundation my AWANA leaders put in my life.
My heart hurts for you, I cannot imagine being a single parent. I have volunteered with little ones before and personally, I don’t really care what the parents are doing as long as I can get a hold of them. I am showing my age, but before cell phones, when no parents were in the building, that definitely posed a problem, now that everyone has a phone, I think you have freedom to leave the church building. If they want to make volunteering mandatory in order to have a child in the program then do that, but don’t guilt trip parents who are not sinning! The older I get and the older my kids get, the more I see that grace is really a better thing to extend than judgment. I have seen so many sad and heartbreaking situations that just make me say, “Apart from God’s grace, where would any of us be?”
This thread is a little confusing to me for a couple of reasons (besides the fact that we’ve strayed quite a ways from the topic . . . ). I work as a teacher of children on Wednesday nights, and we do often bring in kids whose parents don’t attend church. It’s a great privilege to get to share the gospel with them, and I don’t view the parents as “dumping”. But I’m confused about your churches: Don’t you guys have anything for adults on Wednesday nights? It seems kind of sad that there isn’t an outreach for these parents. Don’t you have prayer and Bible study? If being an AWANA helper is the only option for unbelieving parents, then I can see why they are out at the steakhouse. AWANA is supposed to be operated by people who have a burden to win children to Christ, not by people who’d rather be having a few beers right then anyway. Someone needs to be winning these parents to the Lord, not judging them for not being AWANA leaders.
Our awana program is on Monday nights. Most churches in our area don’t do the traditional Wednesday nights.
I don’t think you should feel bad. If people who work there are called by God, and have God’s heart regarding their ministry, they will see that their ministry is to the kids that the Lord has brought to them… regardless of where the parents are. You aren’t responsible for their attitude and you shouldn’t feel bad if you are not called to that ministry.
I work hard on the worship dept of our church. When I have kids, I will be dropping them off at the nursery on Sunday mornings, and I don’t plan to volunteer at the nursery. But, because I and the other musicians are where they are supposed to be–practicing and preparing for the service–there will BE a worship service. It’s all about perspective, and walking in the gift God has given YOU.
The Awanas program my kids go to is advertised as that – a free hour and a half for parents. And they bus kids in, too! I guess it depends on the purpose of Awanas… Which is to teach children about the gospel, not be judgemental about where the parents are. Maybe they are doing all they can to get their kids there.
Go to a museum, have a picnic, go out for pie and coffee. A ‘date’ doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s all about spending time together.
Netflix movie is always my fun cheap date night