Kierstyn is 6 weeks old!! And I look at her every day and still can’t believe she’s ours.
She is smiling and interacting and cooing at us so much now — and it’s really fun to see her personality starting to blossom. She has a very sweet demeanor and rarely cries except for when she’s hungry.
She continues to do really well with sleeping at night and (usually) with napping during the day. She loves to have a long nursing session when she first wakes up and before she goes to bed (and by really long, I’m talking an hour and a half — it seems to be more of a comfort thing than anything, but I’m savoring it!)
She went to the grocery with me for the first time this week (which also happened to be my first time back grocery shopping in 12 weeks!!). I also had my 6-week postpartum check and am grateful that I am feeling really close to being back to full steam! I forgot how much energy I used to have — it’s amazing how much better you feel when your hemoglobin isn’t low!
This past week was my first week off maternity leave and back to more normal work hours. Overall, it went well, though we’re still figuring out our rhythm with summer, three older kids, Kathrynne’s new job, and two babies. But I’m giving myself lots of grace and we’re just taking one day at a time.
I’m trying to focus on the things that will matter most in 25 years from now (relationships, marriage, my health, etc.) and letting a lot of other things go. I’m also learning to hold my plans very loosely because things often go very differently and a cheerful, adaptable mom is much more important than a checked off to do list.
We love escape games, so when Jesse saw that a local escape game business was offering at-home escape game packages while they were closed for quarantine, he bought it and we did it as a family one night this past week. It was a lot harder than a traditional escape game, but thanks to Jesse and Kaitlynn’s tireless work, they solved the mystery!
Champ (the sweet baby boy we are fostering) has started holding onto our fingers when we feed him.
And when he’s not holding onto our fingers, he’s trying to hold his own bottle. It’s the sweetest!
Postpartum Depression/Anxiety
I had pretty severe postpartum depression and anxiety after our first three were born. I didn’t even realize that’s what it was until after Silas born.
The dark oppressive cloud hanging over me all day. The panic attacks. The constant feeling that I was going to lose it. The feelings of harming myself. The inability to be excited about anything in life. The lack of motivation.
As I approached this 4th birth/postpartum period, I wondered if all those feelings of depression and anxiety were going to come crashing down on me again. Jesse and I had some really honest talks on what we could do as a family to prevent it as much as possible.
I’m 6 weeks postpartum today, and I am absolutely thrilled to say I haven’t had PPD or PPA this time!! In fact, the pediatrician had me fill out a form last week that asked a lot of questions on how I’m doing. I could genuinely answer I wasn’t experiencing any of the PPD symptoms!
Here are some of the things that have helped:
- Being honest with Jesse about what I need. I don’t like to be needy and I’m the kind who wants to just find a way to push on and power through. But I’ve learned that’s a recipe for unhealthy. So, when I’ve started to feel twinges of overwhelm or anxiety the past 6 weeks, I’ve been honest in asking for help so I can get more sleep or get some alone time (even a 30-minute nap or an hour of quiet can do wonders!)
- Taking a real maternity leave (something I’ve never done) and then giving myself lots of grace and breathing room as I ease back into more normal work hours.
- Getting a shower/dressed every day — even if I’m staying home all day.
- Being honest with my OB and promising to call if I felt any signs of PPD.
- Starting my day with time in God’s Word and recounting my blessings.
- Eating a healthful diet, drinking a gallon of water, and prioritizing rest.
- Fresh air and sunshine.
- Taking magnesium daily.
- Making time for fun every day.
Note: I know everyone is different and what works for me won’t necessarily work for you. I also believe there is 100% a time and place for medication. My philosophy is that you need to do whatever you need to do to take care of you.
A Lesson in Parenting I’m Learning
I shared this on Instagram this past week…
One of our kids was frustrated about something on Saturday morning. There was a lot going on, so instead of really listening to them or engaging them in conversation, I just said rather tersely, “You need you change your attitude right now!”
I’ve been so convicted of how often I do this! Instead of taking a little time to lean in, love and listen, I just tell them, in effect, “Get over it!” Or “Snap out of it!” Or “Change your attitude!”
I know in my own life, when I’m frustrated over something, it’s typically not just about that thing, but it’s often much deeper. I want to remember this for my kids, as well.
Maybe they are acting frustrated because they are sad or hurt or scared or overwhelmed — and it’s coming out sideways as irritation/anger.
Think about it: if you’re feeling frustrated or stressed, would you want someone to tell you to, “Stop acting like that and change your attitude!!” I know that, for me, if someone said this to me while I was already feeling on edge, it would just make me feel more frustrated.
In addition, this communicates, “Your feelings don’t matter. So stuff them down and move on!”
When my kids express their irritability or stress, I don’t want to shut them down. But I want to see it as an opportunity to take then time to lean in and love, look for ways I can come alongside them, and ask how I can help them. To sit with them and love them well through whatever they are feeling.
Yes, it requires more time and effort than saying, “Change your attitude!” But I think it’s going to make a huge difference for them (and our relationship!) in the future!
Note: This can also apply to adults in our life, too! If you encounter someone who seems really irritated or frustrated, remember that there is probably something much deeper there and see it as an opportunity to lean in and love them well instead of just feeling frustrated or hurt by their frustration and/irritability!
Banni says
Oh, the baby pictures….love them!
Thanks for the reminder about really listening to your kids. I find that with everybody home 24/7 my patience is wearing thin and too often I go to the “just get over it” response instead of really listening.
And, where did you get that shirt you’re wearing in the pictures where you’re feeding Champ? What I can see of it, I really love!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you for your encouragement! And the shirt is a tank that I think I got from Amazon a few years ago. I looked on there and can’t find it anymore, though. 🙁
Kimberly says
Thank you soooooo much for being so open and helpful about PPD!!!! As an Adoptive mom who’s never given birth, I just wanna say I’m sure you helped a lot of people today!!!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you for your encouragement!
Beatriz Garcia says
Hi Crystal,
Thanks for sharing so much. I think we could all do with reflecting on what we say to our children and strive to be better parents! Articles like these help to get this idea out there.
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Cheryl says
Amen, Your post today hit many key points for me! Also, I agree with how important it is to pay attention to yourself/feelings and letting your spouse or loved ones know what you may need. (rest, alone time,exercise, shower, ice cream….etc)Having a baby, fostering, raising a family, so many life changes- I have a daughter who just graduated and will be going to college 6 hours away and a son who will be a junior. Both have part times jobs, I’m working from home, husband can go to work, during this whole covid 19. We took a trip away for a day and a night-just us-to go hiking, relax, refresh this past week and it was great. It was helpful too that you said how important it was to acknowledge your kids feelings. I had a discussion with my son yesterday and it was important that I really pay attention to his feelings and not be quick to say “change your attitude.” Thanks for your post today! Rock a baby for me! I just have 2 teenagers now and I sure miss having a baby to rock! Have a great week-
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your encouragement! And I hope that your big life transitions in the not-too-distant future go smoothly!
Patti says
I truly look forward to your Sunday update so very much. Love the pictures of your beautiful family!
Do the babies interact with one another…I bet they will start cooing/smiling to each other…so adorable I can barely take it😊
Crystal Paine says
They have just started to notice one another more and they’ve even talked back and forth a little to each other. It’s so sweet!
Lisa says
I don’t think I actually had PPD or PPA anxiety but I had an extremely rough time after both my children were born. Honestly, most of this was plain old sleep deprivation that went on for months. Looking back, I realize I should have, and could have, been much more honest with my husband and our parents about what I needed. I don’t think any of them fully realized how much I was struggling. Had they known, I know they would have done more. But my pride and false sense of obligation kept me from being authentic. I highly encourage other mamas not to make the same mistake.
Julie says
Same here!! I suffered quite a bit.
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for sharing so honestly — and yes, it’s amazing how much sleep deprivation affects you, isn’t it?
Christa says
I was wondering what sort of job your oldest daughter has now. My son is the same age and we are struggling with p/t jobs for him during these days of COVID. Seems like most of the stores or restaurants in the area are bring their old employees back still, or are still not up 100%, so they don’t need the extra summer help yet.
Crystal Paine says
She’s working for a local political consulting firm. She started as an intern there and then they recently offered her a paid position.
Kimberly says
Ooo…that’s exciting!! I was gonna ask, too. 😃
Deb says
Thanks for the weekly dose of joy!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you for your encouragement!