Not 15 minutes after I posted a very peaceful and serene-looking photo this morning, this picture is what my morning looked like.
Sometimes, I think it’s easy to look at someone’s photos online and concoct a completely false view of what their reality is. That they never have struggles, that life is all roses and rainbows for them, and that their house magically cleans itself.
This is a big part of what our family’s reality has been for the last 5 years — working hard to keep this little boy’s asthma at bay. I don’t talk about it much online because I tire quickly of the well-meaning suggestions for how we should treat or cure or what we need to change or do or not do… We’ve tried the diets and oils and natural remedies — all to no avail. And I already struggle with enough guilt that they haven’t worked.
So, much as it’s hard for my mama heart, we are grateful for modern medicine that keeps this boy able to live an active life, gain weight, and to mostly sleep at night.
I know many parents are dealing with much, much more difficult illnesses and diseases with their children. But it still hurts my mama heart to see this little boy often struggling for breath, waking up with coughing fits, and regularly needing medication and breathing treatments.
I share this little peek into real-life here as a reminder that what you see on social media or a blog is usually just a tiny glimpse into the window of someone’s reality.
Don’t compare yourself to little snippets you see online. Don’t feel frustrated by it. And don’t wish for it. Everyone has heavy burdens and hard struggles. No one is immune.
Cultivate the ground you are standing on instead of wishing you had someone else “greener pastures”.
Diane says
I understand what you are going through. I also understand how sometimes the explaining or well meaning advice is just exhausting. Sending hugs and prayers. <3
Tammy Norris says
Saying a prayer for your boy! My boy has asthma too and we have tried all the natural things too. My heart goes out to you. It is hard. Thanks for sharing.
Jordan says
Thanks so much for the prayers! Ours are with you too! -Jordan, MSM Team
Hallie says
My 5 year old son has asthma too. Diagnosed at age 2. He just woke up with a coughing fit this morning. It’s so hard! He loves the outdoors but his allergies usually trigger the asthma so I have to keep him inside or on a ton of allergy medication too. It’s hard watching as a mom!
Jordan says
It can be tough! Our prayers are with you and your son! -Jordan, MSM Team
Kimberly Walker says
Prayers for healing and strength and for a peaceful night’s sleep for you and your baby! It is tough to deal with your child’s pain and illness. Keeping you and your family in prayers. Love to you all!
Catie says
I had asthma as a kid. I didnt actually grow out of it till i was in my late 20’s. I still feel effects of it a little. It can be scary at first to deal with for both sides Im sure. I remember being svared of hospitals and the breathing treatment thing and stuff. Just keep reassuring your kiddo that he will be ok. I hope he grows out of it sooner than later. Hugs
Debi says
Whoa! Thank you for this honest post. I share that momma burden, too, with asthma in my littlest one. There are no words. But somehow you found some, and what you wrote was beautiful and really touched me. {{{{HUGS}}}}
Kayla says
Oh asthma is so hard. Two weeks ago my son had pneumonia partly because he ran out of his Advair and forgot to tell me. He could not tell me how long he was off his Advair. Ugg! I pray that you find what works for your little one. We finally have a regimen that works and keeps athma at bay for the three kids that deal with it at our house.
Katy says
Thank you so much for this! This is also my life right now. My son is struggling with his asthma and I have done everything I know to do to help him. On really tough days my mommy heart hurts so badly for him I want to weep, but I know I can’t. I have to stay strong for him and not let him see me cry. Thank you for showing me I am not alone in this struggle. Knowing someone else understands is a powerful motivation to stay strong.
Amanda S says
Oh I’m so sorry you are having to deal with asthma too 🙁 It is a horrible thing to see your child struggle to breath in any situation. My sweet 3.5 year old has been on Qvar 80mg 2 puffs Morning and night for about 4 months and we’ve only had to have other oral steroids(prednisone) once. This is a miracle for us. We tried many other maintenance meds before this one, but praise God this one just works for her. Sending prayers for your family that you’ll have peace and health back quickly.
Traci Charlet says
So sorry you guys are dealing with this. I have asthma and my son (just turned 8) has it too. It is SO hard and i feel SO guilty cuz he inherited it from me. We’ve tried so many different treatments, types of medicine and different nebulizer meds. We finally were referred to a pulmonologist and have a new med were using and I am very hopeful as we are approaching the worst time of year for him and kids allergies and he’s doing the best he’s been in 3 yrs. (Feel free to message/email me if you want to share experience with different types of treatments) Other people can make light of asthma, but it’s not a lesser disease. He’s missed a lot of sleep, missed school, missed events and kids in class ask why he’s always coughing. It can cause death and its scary! I think it’s hard for people without it to understand because asthmatics can look fine even when it’s hard to breathe. And shortness of breath effects everything! Praying for you!
Traci
Maureen says
Both my boys had asthma when they were young. The youngest out grew his. The oldest did improve when his huge tonsils were removed at 18. It is scary when they have an attack. I had inhalers all over the house and always one in my purse.
Cassandra Holdeman says
Hang in there!!! I too was a child with terrible asthma that limited my activities and left me sick a lot. I grew out of much of it and now as an adult I usually only have issues with my asthma in the Spring when pollen is out of control and in Fall when people like to burn leaves. My asthma can also be triggered by extreme stress, but thankfully that doesn’t happen too often. You are doing a good job and as a fellow blogger (my blog is tiny), thanks for being real, it is hard to show the not so pretty things sometimes.
Nicole says
Asthma is SO scary. I have dealt with it my whole life. I tried so many different remedies as well, and had pretty much given up hope. I became so dependent on my asthma medication though. And I started having side effects from the medication. Stomach ulcers being one of them. I finally did find some things that helped me. I bought a Chinese herb supplement on Amazon called ClearLungs by RidgeCrest. I coughed up phlegm for about 2 weeks, and my lungs finally felt clear. It is supposed to not only clear but strengthen your lungs. I also started to put a drop of Oregano oil on a cloth or kleenex and inhale that throughout the day. Obviously, I still have my medication on hand if I need it. But I have been off of all medication for a couple months now. I can’t guarantee that anyone else will have the same results that I did, but I just wanted to put it out there incase anyone else should find it helpful.
Jeannie says
My son has asthma. He is 15. It is heartbreaking to see him running around and playing paintball (where he also works) then suddenly it changes and he is parked. Unable to walk up the steps to our house. Terrifying. Heartbreaking. And yet I try to stay calm. He still needs his momma. Hugs to you. I understand your frustration too. My mom is always suggesting a new diet. The child is 15. He will only eat what he wants. Lol.
Jenny says
First of all,I wanted to tell you that you are the one who inspired me to create my own blog. I always find your posts enlightening and appreciate the sincerity in your voice. I recently posted an article related to the same issues you discussed in this article: “No Apologies for a Parent’s Love”. I absolutely connect wth what you’re saying. ❤️
Rachel says
Poor Silas! I have asthma as well and I know it can be such a struggle. Any time I caught a virus or even a cold, it hit me so hard and my lungs were so inflamed. I am so thankful I have found relief though and I no longer have to take any medication. I know others whose kids have had the same experience. If you are open to it, I can share with you. I pray he feels better soon.
Nicole says
My daughter spent a week in the hospital in kindergarten for asthma. After that she got put on QVAR. It’s been great. She can actually get sick now without getting wheezy. I have another daughter on QVAR as well.
Melissa says
I appreciate this post so much! I’m sorry for what you and your little guy are going through. I’ll keep you both in my prayers. It is so easy to fall into the trap of believing the perfect snippets, online or in real life. It really stood out to me when you said you know other parents/children face more serious issues. While medically they may be more serious, this is what you face. This is your struggle. It’s not less important than anyone else’s. Just like we shouldn’t compare ourselves to someone’s positive snippets, we shouldn’t compare struggles either. This is something that is really difficult for me. I see other people with struggles that, on their face, are much more serious than mine. They appear to be handling things so well, while I’m struggling with what seems like nothing in comparison. To me, my problem is huge. Then I feel guilty for feeling like my problem is huge. But it is to me. Each person’s struggle is their own. We shouldn’t compare the snippets, the good ones or the bad ones. I hope this makes sense. I intend to be grateful and encouraging but feel like it may not be coming out that way. I appreciate you being real!
Pat says
My middle daughter had asthma and it was difficult. We spent most of every fall at the dr’s office. Now my 12 yo granddaughter has it. Fall is her worst time as well. All the advice, medicine and rules for my daughter have changed or disappeared. The meds are completely different and all the admonitions about pets and other allergens are gone. Oddly I see no real difference in the severity of the disease. Both girls get sick at about the same rate and severity. Go figure. Do what works for you and your child and quit feeling guilty. There’s nothing you can do to change things so just go with the flow.
Corie says
I hope your little guy is feeling better! I have a 15 year old with anxiety, depression, insomnia, restless leg syndrome, and ADD. We’ve been through so many docs and meds, just trying to help her feel better. I would give anything if she could just sleep through the night, without waking up several times. We’ve tried meds, supplements, and oils. Nothing is helping her sleep and I feel like I’m not doing enough. It’s a daily struggle that I usually don’t talk about which makes me feel like no one else is struggling with a child with these issues. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us.
Theresa L says
I hope your sweet boy is better soon.
Thank you for this great reminder. I’ve been having a lot of stressful situations in my life lately and it’s hard to not compare to others who seem to have it ‘easy’. Everyone is fighting battles.
Jody says
“I know many parents are dealing with much, much more difficult illnesses and diseases with their children. But it still hurts my mama heart to see this little boy often struggling for breath, waking up with coughing fits, and regularly needing medication and breathing treatments.”
I’m so glad you posted this Crystal. I think sometimes people are afraid to share their struggles for fear of sounding ungrateful or are apologetic in sharing because of other people’s suffering.
We’re called though to help CARRY each other’s burdens, not to compare each other’s burdens, or for some people to be the only ones with burdens and some people only to help others with their burdens.
We ALL have to face the challenges in our lives and someone else’s perceived greater challenge doesn’t change or takeaway our challenge or the fact we all have to deal with what we’re individually facing.
It’s hard to watch your child suffer and not be able to change it for them. My heart sincerely goes out to you and I am not glad this is reality for you guys and Silas, but I am glad you allowed us this peak into what you’re going thru. And as you have carried my son in prayer, I will be carrying yours in prayer as well.
Christine says
Crystal,
Well put. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. I am sorry your little guy has such a hard time with his asthma. I will be praying for you and you little trooper.
Matt says
I wanted to thank you for all that you do for your son, I was just like him as a child, and I am sure I will never know all that my parents went through to keep me alive. I know there were days where it was almost to much for me to be excited about life. I knew it deeply affected those around me, I tried to downplay my conditions at times to help those who were panicking around me to not worry as much as I was being rushed to the ER.
Now for the past 4 years I have been working to help people with asthma: from adding tech to asthma management (Control A+), to working on changing the conversation from control to the cure (Cureasthma2020.org), or trying to inspire hope in those who have to deal with the condition through instagram “faces of asthma”. My dream is to give children with asthma the childhood that I only dreamed of as a kid.
I have so much appreciation for Mom’s like you, don’t feel guilty, it sounds like you are doing everything right to help your son out. Its tough planning around asthma, attacks always come at the most inconvenient times and it throws everything off. Hang in there in the crazy moments, there is a lot happening right now in asthma research that should give you hope for the future.
Lindsey Swinborne says
Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your family’s struggles. I was just considering today how our children’s pains and disappointments are our pains and disappointments too when we are parents. On a much smaller scale than what you are dealing with, my sweet, kind little boy worked for 2 weeks on studying geography for a co-op group quiz so he could win a globe marble for his collection. He didn’t get enough points and tearfully told me that all of his classmates got one, but he didn’t even though he worked so hard. It hurt me more than it hurt him. I’m sure it’s easy for people to think your life is glamorous and easy because you run a successful business. It’s so generous of you to share this post!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your sweet words, Lindsey! I was just reading through your blog the other day and being so inspired!
Amy says
Thank your for being real! I always enjoy your emails and your transparency. It’s always encouraging to me!
Emily says
Crystal,
I am so sorry your son has to struggle with asthma, I had it as a child and I know my mother was constantly worried. Thankfully I seem to have grown out of it, I hope it is the same for Silas. I am not yet a mother but my heart breaks to think of the guilt that comes from people’s judgement of how to care for your ill child. As an ICU nurse I certainly endorse healthy diet, good sleep, plenty of water, and regular exercise to help with many diseases. However, like you said, there IS a place and time for modern medicine. And when your child can’t breathe, that’s right here right now. God bless you and your family, your son is well loved and it sounds like you are doing the best you can in tough circumstances. Prayers.
Laura Z says
Thanks for sharing! It is an important reminder. We deal with asthma in our home as well. It is a very scary and tiring reality. I pray everyday that my daughter will outgrow it. I will be praying for your son as well. 🙂
Kathy says
I have had a couple of episodes of allergy induced asthma when I was younger and I can not come close to understanding what others must struggle with on a daily basis. I also have food allergies that are minor on the reaction scale but have changed my life and my family’s totally in the last couple of years. I am looking into doing EPD probably late Fall 2016 due to my situation. It is an amazing therapy that has been used not only for allergies but for other conditions as well. My new eye doctor, a lovely young Indian lady, told me that she had asthma and anything could cause a reaction as hers had gotten really bad. She said she had done EPD and it had changed her life. I have run into several people who said it was very helpful for them and have encouraged me to try it if it is at all possible. I know about it because my allergist does the therapy but there are not a lot of doctors who do it. He has done it for years. He did it when it was known as LDA and they were getting their shipments overnight from Britain. I was getting regular shots back then because I had a few minor pollen allergies but over 15 years they have gotten worse and I now have food allergies at the time. If anyone reading is interested, below is a link to the history of it and at the bottom the conditions that it has treated and in brackets if you click on it, it takes you to a listing of the published studies for each condition treated by the therapy. I think there are only around 90 physicians in the US doing this therapy. There is also a listing on the site of doctors who have been trained do the therapy. I only bring this up because many people have never heard of it.
http://www.drshrader.com/new_page_2.htm
There is also a facebook group of people who do the therapy or who are considering doing the therapy. There are a lot of parents in the group who have young children who do the therapy. As I have several auto immune issues and have been trying to piece together things to treat the root causes, I have been thankful to run across small comments like this from others to investigate for myself.
I am excited what at what I hear the Cleveland clinic is doing. They have started a functional medicine program and are getting getting the functional medical professionals in to work with the doctors. I think I heard Stanford and Yale were looking to start functional medicine practices now which maybe bodes good things on the horizon from the synergies that can occur with these areas of medicine coming together to look at different medical issues.
Thanks to all the great information in the comments. i am learning so much from everyone.
Angela says
My youngest has epilepsy but it’s a bit atypical in that her seizures are “absence” seizures. Basically, she shuts down for about 10-15 seconds and then goes right back to what she’s doing.
She’s been on medication since she was 2. She’s 7 now and I ALWAYS feel guilty that we can’t seem to ween her off the meds even though she’s been largely seizure free for three years. You gotta do what’s best for your family and your baby.
And it’s true, it’s so easy to think everyone has these perfect lives when we only see what they show on social media.
Shea says
My daughter has asthma. It wasn’t till she started kindergarten that our pediatrician suggested an asthma specialist. Wow! Wondered why we had to wait 5 years. The education asthma specialist talked with me for 1.5 hours about everything we should have known years ago.
Michelle says
I know just what it is like to deal with asthma. Our son had many doctor visits and medicine. After a few years you learn how to deal with it. Usually they are allergic to many things. Whenever they are in contact with these items then their asthma flares up. His was milk, dust, hay, etc. He would almost drown from the fluid in his lungs. Now he is 18 and as long as he stays away from his allergies he is fine. Will pray for you.
Kandice says
Many hugs and prayers for those struggles. Asthma can be a very difficult and scary condition to manage. I am a volunteer for Kids with Food Allergies (KFA), which is a division of Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America (AAFA). Many people suffer from multiple atopic conditions – many KFA members manage multiple conditions. My own kids have asthma, as well as food and seasonal allergies.
National Jewish Hospital in Denver is the foremost leader in respiratory illnesses in the US. I encourage you to research their resources and information. Information is power and NJ is the best of the best. Sometimes it just takes trial and error and time to hit on the right treatment regime. Maybe you’ll read what they have and see you are doing everything you can right now. However, if you have concerns about his current treatment or believe Silas could benefit from seeing a more specialized specialist, they are exceedingly wonderful to work with. They are well versed with handling patients that visit from across the country and beyond. Many patients are able to go through a program or consult and then continue treatment with their home doctors.
Corena says
I am 49 and diagnosed with severe asthma at 40 due to exposure to latex for many years as a critical care nurse so I feel for your little one and how he suffers.
Also our only child ( now 15) developed uncontrolled seizures at 13 and we believe God has now healed; but I understand your heart as a mom. I know about the unknown.
I stand with you in prayer to our Jehovah Raphah and El Shaddai— to Jesus who was born of a earthly mother. I pray your heart will always feel His love and your son will be healed. I ask in the precious name of Jesus, Amen!
Suzanne C says
That picture simultaneously broke my heart and made me look around to see if my inhaler was near. You are so right about unsolicited medical advice and judgement. (I once had an ER doctor criticize me for becoming slightly panicked during a sudden attack; I told him to hold his head under water and try to breathe and see if he didn’t panic just a bit.) I hope Silas grows out of it. In the meantime, you do what you have to do. God hasn’t appointed anyone else as judge.
Amy says
Thank you for this post. My oldest suffers from asthma as well. I also suffer from mother guilt as nothing natural has helped her either. She spends much of her winters just like your sweet Silas. It hurts my heart, but I am constantly reminding myself to be grateful for modern medicines that keep it “at bay” and the fact that it often keeps her out of the hospital.
Praying for you and Silas tonight.
Dori says
Praying for you guys!! So sorry (as always) to hear about the unsolicited comments. NO GUILT! Just keep “thanking God for modern medicine” like you said. My oldest was diagnosed with asthma at 4 and in all our struggles- faith/fear, natural/medical, this mom said/that mom did– bottom line is THE KID BEEDS TO BREATHE! Trust God with the specifics of YOUR life.
And THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for ALWAYS keeping it real. I am so blessed and grateful for all God has given me but I still look at the Instagram-filtered pictures and think comparative thoughts “her husband loves her more, her kids get along better, she keeps her house clean and homeschooling done, etc..” Thank you for teaching me AGAIN!
Jeannie says
Hugs to you! My youngest son – now 15 – also has asthma and had two asthma attacks in two days that required ER visits. He’s much better now but I do feel your pain of wanting so much to help your child and feeing so guilty as if you have caused him to not be able to breathe. In moments where he’s well, I know it’s not my fault and there isn’t anything I could have done to prevent this. I will pray for your family.
Jen K. says
Goodness I can relate to this. My son was in the NICU shortly after his birth. His health has never been great. Years of research, diet changes, supplements and time – finally a change! He’s was not nearly as sick. But bam! This weekend a cold brought him down, budesonide and albuterol had expired in November and I was paranoid to use them. Doctor called in a new prescription (oh boy! Heeeeffftttyyy price), and we braced for the weekend. I’d gotten used to his healthy days and forgot how scary asthma can be. But he’s cuddled with me so much over the past few days… Good reminder to slow down.
Sheila Hubert says
Crystal-
I, too, have a 5 yr old asthmatic. I hate the label, like you do, but it’s our reality. I completely agree with your entire post. I understand your guilt, even though there’s no reason for it. It wasn’t your doing, and guilt won’t make him better.
I’m sure you’re doing the very best you can to help and heal him; Your love knows no bounds. So here’s another thought: God allowed this. We won’t know why. But when you’re little guy is wheezing and scared, coughing without end, or throwing up in desperation for breath, remember this: God entrusted YOU with him. What an honor. And when you’re near tears knowing that you can only help him and not take it all away, wrap your arms around him and his minineb cords and thank God for the moment to hold your baby. Your arms make it all better for him in that moment. He really doesn’t mind the asthma as much as you do. But he sure notices the extra hugs when he’s stuck with his machine. Love to you.
Jamie Butler - Carroll says
I am sure you have tried this but my little guy he is also 5 was just diagnosed with asthma and the breathing treatments with albitural (spelling?) was not working at all. It only made him hyper(which is a side effect I did not know about). Then we tried this and it has helped and worked. The doctor wanted to try this before putting him on something like singular. Its called Flucticasone and he takes 2 puffs every 12 hours. Just thought I would share.
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for sharing — such great iinfo! They recently put him on a new regimen that has seemed to help some. We’re always tweaking!
Tiffany says
This is not meant to push something you may already know, but just in case you didn’t know – National Jewish has an entire division that is studying the relationship between GERD (acid reflux) and asthma, especially in children. Apparently, many children are misdiagnosed. The asthma treatments only mildly help. The acid rises up when they sleep (so they may not even be feeling heartburn at all), and the muscles in the esophagus are relaxed and open slightly, so the acid goes into the lungs and irritates it. The asthma medicine only mildly helps because it helps the secondary problem (the lungs being inflamed) as opposed to the primary problem (the acid). It can happen in adults, too. My husband had a horrendous cough that was diagnosed as asthma for years. Within a couple of weeks of starting omeprazole for acid reflux, it cleared up and he has barely had problems. I am not saying this is what your son has, but it isn’t very well-known yet, and it might be worth looking into if you haven’t already. Good luck!
Guest says
When our son was a newborn he came down with RSV and was hospitalized for a little under a week. It was extremely scary. Once were home he would have challenges breathing and it scared me to death because I thought the RSV was back or he had something else wrong. We saw an ENT who then referred us for GERD testing. Turns out he had GERD (but never spit up – how weird is that?). I also have GERD as does half of my family. I’m glad that your husband was appropriately diagnosed and treated.
Sarah S. says
We just started my 7 yo on Flovent and my sister (who we are visiting out of town) commented that she hadn’t heard him cough at all this visit which is a first in years. Hope you can find the right treatment for your little guy. Asthma is no fun!
Carolyn says
Crystal,
Thank you for sharing this moment of your real life. Three years ago, my little boy was diagnosed with a rare form of Von Willebrands (a bleeding disorder) and many of our days are filled with ice packs and resting on the sofa. We’ve tried every natural remedy available to ease his bruising, and it still breaks my heart and fills me with guilt when I see his boo-boos. It was very encouraging to read that other moms deal with behind-the-scenes health issues. Thanks again!
Crystal Paine says
I’m SO sorry! {Hugs!}
Schar says
I’m an Asthma Educator & BAS-RRT and know what it’s like to struggle with a child that has asthma. I have treated a countless number of patients with asthma. I’m sure your doing everything right. As he grows and becomes a teenager it often gets much better.
Karen says
It is hard to share struggles without the unwanted comments or from people who really aren’t listening to you anyway. My son has apraxia of speech and oral motor planning issues. Last year I had to face the fact that he will not be able to catch up ( he is in 2nd grade and can’t do what 2nd graders do). I don’t share things about our struggles with anyone.
I am sorry Silas has to go through this. I don’t know much about asthma, but I hope that things turn around for him. He sure does have a great mama.
Tracy L says
So sorry that you all have to deal with this. Prayers and hugs to all!
I think it is so brave that you share these things. I have several friends going thru hard times because what they see others post on Valentine’s Day etc on social media. I even know some of the things are 100% fake but still can’t get my friends to understand this. Everyone has a load they are carrying. Be kind!
Jill says
Yes, thank you for this wonderful reminder Crystal! Regarding asthma, my younger brother had it but outgrew it by age 12. I pray that will be Silas’ story too. Hugs from one mama to another!
christine says
Poor little thing:( For what it’s worth it is possible he may grow out of it. Our bodies cycle through changes every seven years or so. Though I did not have asthma, I did struggle with seasonal, animal and dust allergies that required medication. For whatever reason, 99% of my allergies are now gone.
Jaime says
Feel better soon, sweet boy!
Jane says
Hugs for all you’re dealing with. I’m a mom and I know how hard it is dealing with medical situations.
But I just had to say YESSSS to:
“Cultivate the ground you are standing on instead of wishing you had someone else’s “greener pastures”.”
That is a very powerful statement. I love it so much that I wrote that down to remember it. Thanks for sharing such wise thoughts.
I
Danna says
I think a good rule of thumb is to ask people how they treat or deal with an ailment rather than telling them how to treat it (unless you are their medical provider). In general ask rather than tell is just a good rule in life. I’m Mormon and I cannot tell you how often people tell me what I or my religion believes rather than asking. It’s really rude and more often than not pretty inaccurate. If found the same thing when I struggled with infertility. Lots of people “told” me why I was infertile (most were wrong) and how I should treat it. I got lots of suggestions for dietary changes and oils, for me getting the 11 large tumors removed from my uterus so there was room for a baby to implant was more effective (I now have 2 kids). I understand that people want to help, but as a rule it’s nicer to ask than to tell…and you just might learn something new.
Crystal Paine says
Oh! That’s SUCH a wise word!
Melissa Wise says
Thanks for the reminder to all of us that everyone has burdens to carry and struggles. While we all try to put our best foot forward – to show the world the positive things in ourselves, our kids, our homes – it’s important to remember that the quick memes, the cute pics, and funny anecdotes are not the whole story. We’re all dealing with issues, problems, sickness, sadness, or more in our lives. We should all be kind to one another and to ourselves.
Elizabeth says
It’s not easy to show the rougher times.
My eldest daughter had asthma and we used a nebulizer with her for many years I can’t remember the two different medication but I remember the sound of the machine so many years later.
I am thankful that eventually the medication has done it’s job and she grew out of it.
Keep doing what works! Hope he has the same luck of growing out of it.
Kelly Cox says
Crystal, thank you for sharing your life with us. It is easier to look around at others and think all is perfect. Blessings to you and a prayer for Silas on this. God is so good and is more than able to take care of us all in our own situations – as you know.
MaryBeth says
I have to keep reminding myself that what people post on social media is just what they want the world to see and I can’t measure myself against it, but that is so very hard to do. I sometimes wish Facebook had never been invented!
My son has asthma, anxiety and high-functioning autism and I get “advice” all the time from well-meaning friends and family members. I’m sure they are trying to help, but it just makes me angry, frustrated and depressed.
I was just diagnosed with a thyroid problem and already people are handing out advice or asking what I did “wrong.” I like what someone said above — the person with the illness or disease is the expert, not you.
Jessica says
My son’s asthma was diagnosed when he was 1 1/2 years old. We have a nebulizer at home too (Sammy the Seal). He takes two daily medications and we have an oral steroid on hand. He sees a respiratory therapist and has an asthma action plan. I have to check the ozone levels in the summertime. I sure did breastfeed my son, nobody in the home smokes, he was not exposed to anything, etc. My daughters do not have asthma. I have it though.
It is hard. When he can’t sleep because he’s coughing. When he catches a cold and it sets off the asthma even worse. You are not alone in this!
Crystal Paine says
Silas was about the same age, too! And he was breastfed until he was 19 months (I think!). And I have asthma, too… though mine only gets flared up by allergens like cats now. I so get how it feels! And the colds or any kind of sickness are the worst because it just feels like as hard as you fight it, you just can’t prevent it. {Hugs!}
Kathy says
I’m sorry. I have lived through those days too with my boy. Asthma, pneumonia, hospitalizations, etc but thankfully he is 16 now, and he hasn’t really had any asthma trouble for a long time. It is heart wrenching watching your child struggle to breathe, so I hope your boy feels better soon.
Jane says
Just wanted to say asthma, IS one of those difficult illnesses but so few people are educated about it. Preventative medication taken regularly is way better than trying to recover from a life threatening attack. There’s a Dad in my neighbourhood who’s been raising money for awareness and research into it because it has affected his family in a major way. My husband has had it most of his life, and the number of things that are triggers like getting a cold or breathing in cold air, and more recently being diagnosed with airborne allergens.
kim says
my 13 year old, and myself, have asthma. he has it worse, mainly in the spring. we follow a STRICT routine once it starts blooming.. and that is to shower EVERY night!! I wash those sheets in hot water EVERY week!! we do everything we can.. short of allergy shots.. to keep it at bay.. but it comes… like clock work. the ONLY thing that has saved him.. and i’m NOT being over dramatic here.. in the past couple of years.. is starting to take an inhailed steroid on or before st patricks day. we still do nebulizer treatments about every hours for 2 months or more.. and he is an ACTIVE kid!! select soccer AND select baseball.. in st louis.. which is a nightmare for ANYONE with allergies!!!! I am going to try a chiropractor this year. i’m not saying no to western medicine.. because it has kept him alive! one year.. he kept complaining that his stomach hurt so bad.. so I took him to the dr. the dr calmly told him that was his body’s way of telling him his lungs were working too hard… and were about to shut down. he was to go to the hospital for testing .. which we got to go home 😉 … but was put on 2 weeks of steroids and bed rest for a week… missed a tournament. went over like a lead balloon!! the BIGGEST problem I had was with my HUSBAND of all people!! because he couldn’t SEE a REAL physical ailment!! thank goodness I KNOW what to look for in my son!! I know that when he’s itching at his neck, his oxygen level is low..so he needs a treatment.. even if HE doesn’t!! stick to YOUR mommy instincts… and don’t let others bully you around!!!! have a blessed night.. or morning as I look at the time 😉
Becky says
Thanks for sharing. I’m the only family member without asthma. dh and 4 children have it Ranging from mild and controlled to severe and occasionally life threatening. Its horrid and scary. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.
Molly @ Student Loan Diary says
This is so true. We get so caught up in what we see, we forget that age-old adage.. Don’t just a book by it’s cover.
Laura says
Thanks for the honest post. I don’t like how easily I can get so jealous/depressed, especially when a blog’s purpose is to be uplifting. I know everyone has more going on in their life. We all do. Have you ever met someone who was not facing struggles of some kind? With blogs it is hard because we only see the pretty pictures and don’t know the rest of the story. You are not obligated to share any of your personal life, but it points to God when you do. I pray Silas feels better.
Julie Kehm says
So sorry your boy has to go through that. I’m a respiratory therapist in a nicu and give a lot of breathing treatments.
And you are right about not being envious about someone’s life portrayed on social media. We tend to only post the happy moments.
I have 4 children, my oldest 2 boys have Down syndrome; our oldest adopted from Ukraine 4 years ago. We’ve crazy scary medical issues. Our first born with DS had open heart surgery at 10 weeks and then a terrible terrifying drug allergic reaction called Stevens Johnson syndrome about 3 years ago that landed us a month in the hospital. We just found out last week that our oldest needs open heart surgery, probably this summer. I never thought we would have to deal with it again, but here we are. And as ‘bad’ as all of that sounds, our boys are very healthy and we thank god every night when another day has passed with no medical emergency.
I hope he is feeling better and back to playing tomorrow!
Btw, I just paused your book of survival mode to peruse your site. Hoping it helps me out!
Sarah says
So sorry to hear your family is going through this struggle. Thank you for reminding us all to not let the perfect pictures displayed so often online make us feel bad. Everyone goes through their own struggles.
Georgia says
So sorry about Silas’ asthma….I had asthma growing up too.
My kids have really bad allergies and as much as I love natural healing methods, there are times when my husband has to step in and say, “Don’t kill yourself trying to do it all naturally. Get the medicine and get yourself and the kid some relief!” 🙂
I think as much as God gave us natural healing, He also gave us modern medicine and we should take both as gifts of healing from Him without elevating one above the other. Hugs to you both!
Amy says
I’m sorry. I have children with asthma, too, and I also tend to associate with people who prefer natural remedies. We prefer natural stuff, too, but when medicine is the only thing that can make my child breathe, we use it. I’ve gotten so many recommendations for remedies (most of which we have tried, but they just didn’t work). The worst was being cornered by people who told me that asthma is the result of the sin of fear, and that if my son who’s asthma presented itself at the age of 4 months doesn’t have the sin of fear, then it must be me. Sometimes you just have to smile and let it go.
It does get better sometimes. In less than two years, one of my asthmatics went from multiple hospital trips and steroids in a period of a few months to being able to weather to flu without using even albuterol even once. Oddly enough, we had to pull the nebulizer out again for an ordinary cold since then, but I still praise God that He can heal and if he wants my children to be asthma-free, they will be.
Elizabeth says
Dear Amy, What a terrible religion where people say such things to you!! Just so you know, my 3rd child was born perfectly healthy. I was not able to begin her immunizations until she was 3 months old, because my other 2 kids were ill and living in a new town, I had no help to get the youngest into the shots. Within a month later of beginning them, she was in full blown asthma!! My heart goes out to you. We continued taking those until she was about 4 or 5 and the doc I had then, in a new location, told me to stop them, that it was killing her. Unfortunately it did its damage…and as an adult in her 30’s now, part of what she must deal with daily is being unable to eat hardly any foods at all…most are raw…such as nuts, seeds, nut butters, apples, some other fruit and salads. She eats meat about weekly, and some beans, such as black beans maybe twice a week. She is unable to digest any grains we have ever tried and I doubt we have left out any of them. Once in awhile she makes some muffins or biscuits from other gluten free flours. But that is about it. She is able to work and support herself and she does not appear too thin fortunately. But it is not an ideal life, for sure!! I hope you can help your child to avoid such a difficulty!!
Jessica says
Oh my goodness. People have said that to you?! I would not want to be around people like that. What a way to make a mother suffer more than she already is. God did not make anybody perfect and asthma is one of the many types of ways that humans are imperfect.
Lynn says
Thank you for sharing this! It is so easy to share only the good and I love that you try to keep it real. I have suffered with asthma all my life and I have two kids that have asthma. My daughter’s asthma is a constant struggle to keep under control. I know that picture above all to well. I know it from the point of view of the person struggling to breathe and from the point of view of a mother watching a child struggle to breathe. Both are so hard to deal with. I know what both you and your son are going through. It can be so difficult. My asthma and my kids asthma are an area that I am very thankful for modern medicine. Natural medicines are great, but when it comes to breathing you do what you have to do and don’t feel guilty about it.
Leigh says
Social media is hard because it’s always a pretty picture and smiling faces. I’m so sorry your son is struggling with asthma. I have it myself and I have a 4 year old that has it. My sweet boy has had multiple breathing treatments a day lately. Both of my kids have severe food allergies (as do I) and all three of us have eczema. I have all of the things my kids have yet watching them struggle with it and knowing I’m almost helpless to fix it sometimes is awful. I hope he’s feeling better soon. I think once our Nashville weather settles down, everyone will feel better.
Steve from Arkansas says
I’ve got asthma at 60, had it for maybe 15 years now, never had it when I was young. But it is still a scary thing not to be able to breathe at times. Yet it is manageable, enough to run 15 marathons in my forties and fifties and still to be a competitive tennis player at the state level now, and sometimes even at the national level. But what scares us about ourselves pales compared to fear for our children. I only chime in to say, odds are in your favor that that sweet child will be much older than I am now someday and will scarcely remember the tougher days of his childhood. Having a great mom is probably the best advantage anyone can have, next to having a God who is good, all the time. And he has a great mom!
Anne says
Ugh! SO sorry you have to deal with this. Asthma is so scary.
Not complaining – just empathizing. My three year old has mild special needs/developmental delays and qualified for special ed preschool this fall. Over the summer I mentioned her delays on a MSM Facebook post about a free printable for teaching manners – in was in passing, to qualify my thanks for the freebie. A well-meaning fellow reader thought she could have Autism, enumerated the reasons why, and then suggested I should have it checked that out. Well, guess what, we already have?! In two states! With experts! And we have family history of ADHD and other learning disabilities! Plus I have an MA in Elementary Ed and an MA in Educational Administration and my sister has a Ed.D in Special Ed. I learned quickly not to share about her special needs on social media.
Crystal Paine says
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! {Hugs!}
Anne says
Thank you. It’s teaching me a lot about being human. 🙂
Anne says
I will be praying for your sweet boy!
JJ says
The grass may be greener on the other side, but both sides have to be mowed. 😀 Enjoy your grass! Run through it, even. With. Bare. Feet. Isn’t that the best?
Crystal Paine says
LOVE it!
Laura says
Chelsea,
What you say is so interesting because we’ve had s similar experience. Our 11 yr old struggled for so long and was on a daily controller at a dose that was beginning to obviously affect her growth, but was necessary until we could get her asthma under better control. Finally, two things seemed to have really helped so we finally weaned her off her daily steroid (and now she’s back to growing normally): first, allergy shots (which are a pain but worth it because she has so many seasonal allergies for spring, summer, and fall); and strangely, going gluten free. Every time she slips up now and eats gluten it’s so strange but she struggles within 24 hours and needs her rescue inhaler. It’s a great mystery to me, but after so much prayer that God help us find a solution, it was amazingly answered. She hadn’t grown much if at all in nearly two years—and the doctors were becoming concerned…. It was a scary time.
However, where we live we have now been having terrible smoke seasons due to wildfire, which is also a major trigger for our daughter. It is so stressful, and I feel terrible for her. We spend half our summer indoors in our little prison, on a nebulizer, waiting out the bad air quality, while many others continue to play outside. I find that until I know she’s okay and her asthma episodes are over, my whole body is super tense and my muscles get so sore as I try to hide my anxiety from her so she doesn’t become anxious and struggle even more. It’s tough.
Good luck out there to all the asthma moms! It’s a difficult road. I pray for healing and a cure for all of us.
Erica says
All three of my kids had RSV as infants and their lungs are all compromised and have asthma. It’s so awful when your kid can’t breathe. One thing that helped immensely was getting to of all of my chemicals when I clean. Now I only use Norwex products to clean my house, which is water and a microfiber cloth. Every year we would end up in the ER for breathing treatments at lest twice per kid per cold season. Scary and expensive. I resesrched the effects of common household chemicals and how they trigger asthma and decided to try to cut them all out in one fell swoop. I even tried cutting out each kid’s daily inhaler. In three years we haven’t been to the ER once for breathing treatments! They still have asthma. That won’t ever go away, but their attacks aren’t nearly as bad and when they do have them the inhaler or the nebulizer nips it where as prior to switching to Norwex for cleaning, the nebulizer wouldn’t even work! It’s so awful when your little one can’t breathe! I feel for you!
Kelly says
Praying for Silas- and for you. Oh, how I have been there. ?
Meredith says
You should never feel guilty for giving your son medication for asthma. One of the saddest days of my career was taking care of a four year old little girl who was in the ICU brain dead because her parents didn’t give her the prescriptions she desperately needed to control and treat her attacks. Please remember when you feel guilty that asthma does kill and medications are worth it to protect your child. Best wishes for you and your family.
Elizabeth says
Tis not easy having an ill child (our 3rd one was severe with respiratory problems)…but GOD is there too…Hubby and I and all our kids have food allergies…we did not too much years ago…which tells me that even with trying to be careful with our food, etc. we evidently are not able to get it as pure as it ought to be. Many people on this train today. Our oldest grandson, now 15 has to use the machine too, and has had it since about 2 yrs old…and both he and brother cannot eat ANY mammals due to allergy brought on by tick bites. They are currently under study with Duke U Medical in NC…and esp. being brothers with same problem, are wanted in the study. Some climates are just so hard to live in. When we lived in NC, I stayed indoors most of the time…it was just easier to breathe…yea asthma too…but not to the degree your boy has. A friend years ago gave me super advice that allowed our kids to be outdoors more…we either had them bathe, or at the least I washed off all exposed skin and hair with a wet washcloth…and totally change their clothes when they came indoors. That alone was enough to help my kids be able to be outside more. I hope with time you will find some ways to help your boy!!
Tracey says
No suggestions about how you should take care of your child–just a humble thank you for reminding me that things are not always as they seem. We all need to remember that life can be difficult for all of us at times. A kind word, a hug, a smile, can go a long way. Thanks and God bless.
Rhonda says
Thank you for this post Crystal! I appreciate so much the things you shared about not comparing your life to photo’s you see on line. I limit the blogs and social media I check because I found myself feeling dissatisfied with my life when everyone else looks so together. I have 2 children with learning disabilities and one with autism. Some days are wonderful. Some days are stressful. It really helps to know that I’m not alone and it is okay for my home to be not perfect:) Your gratitude journal has been a wonderful way to start my day so far this year! I enjoy your blog and your real family:)
Kandace says
I don’t have asthma but I had a bad cough recently and ended up with reactive airways and bronchitis, all kinds of medications and rescue inhalers later, I’m finally on the mend. It was terrifying and eye-opening to what people with breathing difficulties experience. Poor guy and poor mama. Glad he’s doing ok with medication. Prayers for you.
Karen says
I have two with asthma. My oldest had an asthma attack at about midnight last night. We have a terrible time keeping it under control for her. Our youngest seems to be out growing it, but when she was younger she couldn’t play outside much or run around. This year she was able to go out for cross country and has taken up running. It has been almost 2 years since she’s had a flareup. I will keep Silas and all of you in my prayers.
Sarah@TheOrthodoxMama says
Lord have mercy on Silas. I have suffered from chronic asthma for over 20 years, and I am often worried that my children will also suffer from it. Do what is needed to keep your child healthy–no guilt attached!
Guest says
Gracious but I appreciate this post. The comments that are clearly well intentioned I can usually handle well but the ones clearly coming from a place of believing that point of view is superior are the ones I have a hard time being gracious about. I have IBS and gluten is my number one irritant. I went over 30 years before finally being diagnosed by a doctor who thought I had celiac (thankfully I don’t but we found gluten was the biggest culprit). My BIL and others have posted cartoons on Facebook mocking people who don’t eat gluten as some trendy diet. My husband (who was skeptical himself at first) looked at me and said he wished they could see me vomiting through the night after accidentally having gluten or having a 6 week IBS flare up of diarrhea, cramping and pain.
I, too, had all of the “have you tried this or that essential oil?” (I love oils by the way but they have done absolutely zero for my IBS) and other ‘natural’ remedies. The “natural” remedy for me is not eating certain things and even then people get up in your business!
Guess this is more of a sore subject for me than I even realized. Being a good mom means caring for your children in the way that THEY need and that varies by child. Silas is responding to modern meds and we should be praising the Lord for that! My best friend’s son had terrible asthma but as he has aged the severity has improved (and he’s doing allergy shots which is helping). Keep up the great work, momma!
Anne says
Ugh – I am so sorry you have to deal with the senseless comments and jokes. Gluten free isn’t a diet in the sense of losing weight and staying healthy. I hate how trendy it’s becoming but I’m glad there’s been an increase of awareness and products.
My husband has non-Celiac gluten intolerance and his father has Celiac. My sister has psoriasis and her kids all have ADHD. Her skin is completely clear and her children’s behavior improved as soon as she cut gluten and dairy from their diet.
Amanda L says
I also understand the gluten comments! I recently stopped eating gluten to try and ease symptoms of my arthritis and it has done wonders! It gets so frustrating when people say things like, “just a few bites won’t hurt you”. Or “why don’t you just try it and see how you feel.” I know that it makes me feel awful, so why would I risk it. I know some people do it just to be trendy, but for me it has truly changed my life. Everyone needs to do what works for them and move along.
Guest says
Within two days (seriously) of removing gluten from my diet, I felt better than I could ever remember. Even as a child I had tons of GI issues. We removed dairy and tried other things and nothing “fixed” it. Of course no one was widely talking about removing gluten back in the 70s. 🙂
I’ve had people ask me at a party or other function what would happen if I ate a little of such and such. I used to not know how to answer and now I say, well, probably vomiting and then days if not weeks of diarrhea, bloating and severe cramps. Way TMI but I figure if they’re curious, I will satiate that curiosity with the truth!
Guest says
A college roommate had chronic skin issues and headaches and was also found to have non-celiac gluten intolerance. It seems so obvious but food has such big impacts on her health even in ways that might seem atypical. Sorry your family have to live with these but thankful they have found what works for them!
Tiffany says
I’ve always appreciated you being authentic and at times vulnerable in your posts. Being vulnerable is not something easy for me. You have challenged me in it.
I’m the only one in my house without allergy and asthma problems. I’ve been through seasons of what you describe but as my boys are older the neb treatments have lessened dramatically. I’m not saying that will happen for Silas because we are all different. But I sure hope it does lessen for him and you. Sending prayers your way.
Diane says
You’re right. We only know what people choose to share. Everyone thought I was happy and ok when I was severely depressed. I hope you all get sleep tonight!
Chelsa says
As a fellow asthma mom (my oldest is 11 and has had since about 18 months) I don’t have a “suggestion” as we tried everything under the sun and still didn’t have his under great control. Anyway all this to say that in December of this year we found out (sort of accidentally) that he is allergic to nuts and his body apparently was reacting with asthma systems instead of how a lot of people react with hives etc. since his dx and cutting nuts out of his diet his asthma is actually under control! We are still
On a daily controller med but haven’t had to use any emergency inhaler or breathing treatment. Anyway I hesitate to post this bc you are talking about not wanting unsolicited advice (which I totally get!) but I did have to share our story! If for nothing more than encouragement.
MomofTwoPreciousGirls says
My now 8 yo struggled with milk allergies and excema for a long time. It seems like she is beginning to grow out of the allergy a bit so it doesn’t cause stomach issues, but still evident on her skin.
While she was not asthmatic (as I am) she does need breathing treatments anytime she gets a cold. The hint of sniffles has us at urgent care for treatment because it always hits her so hard. At 2 and a half her tonsils and adenoids had to come out. It’s really painful to watch your kids suffer no matter what the circumstances. When it’s a constant factor in your life and you can’t fix it, you feel like a failure. In my case, I know exactly what an asthma attack feels like and as an adult it’s scary so knowing I possibly passed that on to my child made me feel awful. So I know how your heart feels heavy when you see your baby this way. My thoughts and prayers are with you, mama.
April says
There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. There is no reason to feel guilty, you are doing what you think is right for your family. Jesus loves the little children. The word of God says: But he was pierced for our transgression he was crushed for our iniquities upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. Thats my prayer for Silas. The Lord will give you wisdom and clear direction on what to do and when. He is a Good, Good, Father. He is your Papa Daddy, Abba Father. Our son is 13 years old and this picture is all to familiar, But God. The Lord has healed our son from the top of head to very soles of his feet. These are ALL lying symptoms of the enemy. Healing is the children’s bread, it is Your portion. Thanking Jesus for Silas’ healing and believing with you for a miracle!!!!
Audrey says
Two of my 4 are allergic asthmatics, so I feel your pain…we have had 3 rounds of steriods this winter for one child so far….God’s grace is ever there though, so many times he has shown me how much more I pray because of this struggle….thankful to know that He is in control, but sleepless nights are had to handle…hoping Silas has dome good rest tonight…
Canaan Herkamp says
God love him! My daughter, an extremely active child who is a competitive gymnast, suddenly became an asthmatic at age 11. No rhyme or reason, no cause, nothing can be tracked down my doctors or ENTs. I hate watching her struggle to do the physical things she once did with such ease. We are having to use prescription drugs and we do endure judgement from the well-meaning folks around. It can be very hard and very scary.
Tiffany A says
I’ve always said that I wouldn’t trade my cross for anyone else’s. I know of some families that have exorbitant amount of money but they have children that died in accidents. Sometimes my cross feels really, really heavy but I know everyone had their cross to bear.
Alicia says
This post came at the perfect time for me. I’ve been thinking these exact thoughts for several different reasons, and making sure my blog portrays “real life” has been on my mind.
I appreciate your honesty and realness in your struggle. My sister suffered from severe debilitating asthma as a child until she was about 12 or 13. It was very scary for my parents at times. There is hope, so take heart in knowing that he may also grow out of it in time.
Amy Reynolds says
I soooooooo understand this! I have 2 children with Type 1 diabetes. Because few people truly understand Type 1 diabetes (T1D) vs. the normal TV commercial Type 2 diabetes, their comments can be downright cruel. My 7 year old daughter and I were working a fundraiser for JDRF when a man walked up and said to her, “If you wouldn’t eat so much junk food, you wouldn’t be diabetic.” I wanted to punch him in the gut, but before I had the chance, my little girl very gracefully replied, “Actually sir, T1D has very little to do with what I eat…” and she went on to very accurately describe her disease. He looked at her, apologized, and said, “I have just been educated.” Without a doubt, it was one of the proudest moments of my life. There are days with T1D that you can do everything right, exactly like you do every other day, and their numbers will still go whacko! Throw in puberty (my oldest is 16) and all bets are off. I have learned to smile and nod at the suggestions and move on!
Susan says
My sister was diagnosed T1 at 9 and I was at 33. You are doing a great job, momma.
My new rule is that the person living with the disease knows more than you do.
Guest says
I am so very, very sorry your children are having to navigate T1D. I had gestational diabetes with each pregnancy which is nothing compared to T1D and it was still hard to figure out. Bless you all and special shout out to your daughter for educating in a gracious and loving manner when that was not at all what she had received. <3
Stephanie says
Amy, I have an 8 year old with T1D diagnosed at age 2. I so understand Crystal not wanting to post because of all the “cures”. So proud of your little one standing up for herself. Our kids seem to handle it so much more gracefully that we do.
Swapna says
Thanks for your honesty – it really helps when the going is really hard at home.
Hope Silas gets better soon!
Jamie @ Medium Sized Family says
We have a whole family of asthmatics. The 2 year old is on a steroid course right now, which is so frustrating. The medicine makes them hyper, but they have to be still so they don’t wheeze.
I am so thankful for modern medicine! Praying he feels better soon.
Juli says
I so appreciate your transparency.
Social media can paint such a different picture. Knowing that we aren’t alone in our struggles can be so reassuring and comforting.
I have a child with asthma issues. I never understood it until I walked this path. It’s terrifying. Hang in there.
And thanks again for the real life picture.
Kim says
Thank you Crystal for your honesty and the peek into your “real world.” I have struggled with health problems the last few years and that is one of the reasons I limit my time on Facebook and other social media sites. I have come to realize that my “best” is different than others and that’s okay.
Wendy Briscoe says
Kim,
You are so right. I live with cerebral palsy, scoliosis, and have had an active life, I’ve traveled, and have a husband, house, and a son. I have come to realize at 43, I can no longer keep up with my younger self. If it means taking a nap during the day then that’s OK. Sometimes, we have to live the life we’re in, not the life we wish we could have, or someone else’s. I’m working hard on not being on FB too, but it’s too addicting (for me anyway.) Thanks for your comment. It encouraged me!
Ramona says
I pray for you all that God’s healing touch will give you all strength and help to heal your son.
TlmRDH says
Anytime your babies don’t feel well, no matter what the ailment, you carry that burden with them. You sound like a superb mom and I applaud this post, I feel like we can all relate in some way. Good luck to you and your little one, guilt free 🙂 I hope he’s feeling better soon
Teresa says
I understand the well meaning suggestions which just make you feel guilty. I think there are some things we just have to learn to manage. I can’t tell you the number of lotions people told me to try on my son’s severe eczema. He was covered from head to toe in rashes and his head was oozing fluid. I think we were way beyond lotions people’s. This was at 4 months old. I got so tired of it I stopped taking him out anywhere. We finally found he had multiple food allergies. Then came the great information on how it was all my fault because I had done this or that and caused his allergies. So not helpful. He is now three, doing much better and I have learned a lot through the process. Mostly I have learned empathy, and how to just ignore people unless they really have been where I am. Good luck with your son. I hope he feel better.
Alison @ Tickling the Wheat says
Yes, yes, yes! My son has severe food allergies, eczema, and asthma. He’s 5 and still has cradle cap. I use a mix of herbal remedies and medicine, and yes, many people have told me it’s too much. Family members have tried to feed him food that he couldn’t eat because they didn’t believe that he had allergies. The things people say and do are terrible. In the end, we do what we can (and what’s best for our family).
MomofTwoPreciousGirls says
Isn’t it unreal?! My MIL once gave my daughter some gogurt “just to see if she could tolerate it”. Yeah, three days of painful cramps, the runs and vomiting, for a 4 year old just to try and prove that I was being an over reactive mom. I was so angry, however, seeing the pain she put my baby through made it clear that I wasn’t just making it all up!
Guest says
Sadly several friends have similar grandparents and I just don’t get it. Why would anyone lie about their child having an allergy? They’ve clearly never dealt with trying to find foods, etc. or they would know that no one wants to be allergic to things. I hope your husband addressed with his parents. :-/
MomofTwoPreciousGirls says
He didn’t have to…she felt AWFUL. Plus she was visiting for just a few days and the whole trip was spent sitting at home comforting my little girl. She never pulled that again.
Anne says
Oh my goodness – I can’t even imagine. What a terrible ordeal. My three year old was just diagnosed with peanut and tree nut allergies. It’s stressful and I hate carrying the dang Epi Pens everywhere but at least no one is undermining me!
Marion W says
So understand! I also have a child with severe eczema, allergies and asthma and the “input” from the public can be so hard. As normal caring parents we have tried EVERYTHING (from weird to conventional). As my son (5.5 now) got old enough to realize people were talking about him it would make him so sad. We finally found a MD (from the internet of all places) that has been able to help our sweet boy and he is currently in remission. But man it was a long hard sleepless road to get here.
If anyone is interested we use Dr Aron. http://www.draron.com
Zee says
Crystal,
I get you. I’ve tried natural and still use oils, honey, lemon and ginger, etc., but the medicine makes my baby feel better and be able to breathe freely. Right now, we’re using it all along with the meds. Opting for meds doesn’t make me a bad momma, it makes me a loving and caring momma. I so wish we give more grace to one another and not be so judgemental. Anyway, my hubs and I have asthma, as well as my 13 Christian and 6 year old Collin – so I feel ya. Praying much for sweet little Silas.
Kathy says
Exactly! You do the best you can for your child and that best is different for everyone. We are all unique and not one treatment is best for all.
Daisy catlson says
I so feel you!! Took us 6 years to get my daughter diagnosed since her asthma is not typical but finally after some extensive testing we had proof. You have to do what is best for your child and go with that!!!